All language subtitles for Class.Act.1992.WEBRip.x264-ION10

* Class act *

* oh *

* class act *

* oh *

* oh *

* class act *

* work that body *

* work that body *

* class act, yeah *

* things aren't always
what they seem *

* in this world
of broken dreams *

* teacher, tell me
what to do *

* i'm trying hard
to make it through *

* so i'm looking to you *

* please just
don't turn your back *

* in my heart,
in my soul *

* i believe
that i am a class act *

* oh *

* class act *

* oh *

* class act *

* work that body *

* work that body *

* class act, yeah *

* have more work
than children play *

* a-falling down
the other day *

* 17, a football star *

* another young life
ripped apart *

* so i'm looking to you *

* please just
don't turn your back *

* in my heart,
in my soul *

* i believe
that i am a class act *

* oh *

* class act *

* oh *

* class act *

* work that body *

* work that body *

* class act, yeah *

* class act *

* work that body *

* work that body *

* class act, yeah *

* class act *

* work that body *

* work that body *

* class act, yeah *

* class act, yeah *

* work that body *

* work that body *

* class act, yeah *

* class act *

yo! I mean, hey!

Look, this isn't me.

I'm duncan pinderhughes.

Look, i was a genius.

I am a genius.

Look, i've been framed!

Uh-huh.
And i'm pee-wee herman.

That's funny.
No, no. You don't get it.

You see, i was on my way to
college. Double 800s, 4.0.

you know, get a degree
in biochemistry

or applied mathematical
engineering sciences.

But it didn't
turn out that way.

I came from a good, wholesome,
intellectually stimulating environment.

And blade-- he's the other guy i'm gonna tell you about.

Well, he--
he's from the hood.

So you can see our lives have
been completely opposite.

Uh-huh.

Look, let me start
from the beginning.

Maybe that'll help
clear things up.

You know,
clarify things.

Duncan made water
in potty.

While i was concerned with the
finer points of etiquette,

blade was playing yellow
streams by i.p. freely.

Put that away.

Huh?

I was a veritable
human sponge,

soaking up the wealth of knowledge the world had to offer.

Blade was becoming
a smut king.

I was the perfect child
who learned to share...

while blade was becoming
a hardened criminal.

I was always looking
into the future and beyond.

He was looking next door.

Yeah.

I was well on the road
to the academic hall of fame.

Blade was well on his way
to alcatraz.

It was the summer before my
senior year

and we had just moved
to a new neighborhood.

Could you excuse us?

There's a couple of good can eatings
for shanking over there in the corner.

See? I was set.

But one of us
was still vacationing

with the brothers at his
favorite summer resort.

Yo, be cool, blade.

I don't like
being angry.

But you have
to stay calm.

I tried to do that, but you
know, it's just

it's just
not happening.

Juvey dick reichert,
what a pleasant surprise.

What's going on, my man?

Still trying to take a
bite out of crime?

When am i gonna blow this joint?

When you're a good boy, michael.

Don't give me this crap. You
can't keep me in here, man.

I shouldn't even be in here. No
matter what laws--

oh, shut up.

I'm a black minor
being oppressed.

How about we call
the naacp down here?

Aah! Aah!
You're giving me a headache.

Ow! Ow! Ow!
My ears are bleeding.

How about al sharpton,
jesse jackson,

the minister farrakhan?

Here's a newsflash, okay?

Farrakhan's not coming here
to bail any petty car thieves.

If it was up to me,
you'd stay here until this guy looked good.

Don't look at me
like that.

But it's not up to me. And the,
uh, judge is letting you out.

See? That's what
i'm talking about.

Raise your voice
and people listen.

I'm a free man!
Power to the people!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?

Not so fast.

The judge is letting you out
pending certain conditions.

What conditions?

First, you gotta go to school

and you have to
get good grades.

Come on, man. Me and school,
that's like oil and vinegar. They don't mix.

That's oil and water.
Whatever.

Look. It's very simple.

You wanna get outta here,
you go back to school.

You'll turn 18
before the end of the semester

that means you're not gonna be
a minor anymore.

If you don't get good grades,
or you're caught fighting

or hanging out
with the brothers,

if i catch you so much as wiping
your ass sideways, pal

that's gonna be a violation
of your probation,

and i'm gonna bust you
as an adult!

Wiping my ass sideways. What are
you talking about?

Damn, homey, you don't
like me, do you?

Oh, i almost forgot.

The judge has arranged for a special
parting gift for you before you leave.

That's what i'm talking about.
That's all i've been asking for, a little respect.

Fuck you!

Aah!

What happened next was--
that hamburger sure looks good.

Tastes good, too, punk.

Dr. Oppenheimer,
dr. Martin.

From the bottom
of my heart,

speaking as a third-generation
pinderhughes,

this is the culmination
of a lifelong dream.

Go, raging beavers.

Well, well,
then, duncan.

Hafford has the highest admittance standards in the world.

The fact that you had a perfect s.a.t. score,
a 4.0 grade average--

well, as far as we at hafford are concerned-- is insufficient.

I beg your pardon?

What he means is,
all of your accomplishments will go for naught

if you can't pass
a p.e. course

to satisfy your high school
graduation requirements.

No graduation,
no hafford.

Well, doctors, we moved
because we found a school

that grades physical education
on a pass/fail basis.

I didn't have to fake
asthma anymore.

Duncan was never
very athletic.

Oh, oh, oh.

Get your transcripts in.

By the 1st.

Everything was chillin'
till that first day of school.

Hello.

Hi.

Sorry, sir.

Unlock the damn door.

Come on in
the building there.

Go ahead on
in the building.

Mm-m-m-m.
Own this booty baby!

Berman! Damn kids,
get on my damn nerves.

Hey!
Hey!

Ooh! Jail bait.
Ooh.

Unh! Whoa!

Uhh! Hey, don't!

Ooh, my goodness.

Aah!

And there it was--

the one mistake that would
change the rest of my life.

How big were them titties?

Oh, they were--

wait a minute.
Let's get back to the story.

Quite a record,
young man.

No joke.

It's quite a profile.

That's quite
an s.a.t. score.

Yeah. I got my name right.

A crime.
What a crime.

Which one?

It's a crime you can't
get higher than a 4.0.

clearly, you need an even
greater challenge than that.

Challenge?
Yes!

Someone like you gets bored
in a place like this.

Got that, boy.

Good! That's why
i've come up

with something
a little extra for you.

What extra?

How would you like to show off
what you can do on tv?

On what,
america's most wanted?

That's very funny.
No.

It's a local tv competition show called the knowledge bowl.

Tv competition?

It's a face-off between students from rival schools.

Hard-hitting,
one-on-one,

mano a mano.
That's it.

When i heard you were going to spend your senior year with us,

i took the liberty of entering higgins high as a contestant on the show.

I want you to lead our team against that
opposing school and knock 'em dead.

I know you can do it.
It's in your record.

Beat the crap
out of 'em?

Yes. Beat the crap
out of 'em.

Murder them.
Put their heads to bed.

Rip their arms
out of their sockets.

Out of their sockets. Right!

I've been looking for a school
like this all my life

that could take advantage
of my special skills.

I think we understand
each other.

Just, uh...
lean on me, bro.

You!

In here...
now.

This is unbelievable!

Thank you,
principal kratz.

You call this
an s.a.t. score?

They said it was the first of its kind.

Well, they weren't kidding.

It seems to me...

it seems to me that if
you don't get at least a 3.0,

you are in deep doo-doo.

I'm shooting
for a 4.0, sir.

Hey, don't give me any
of your smart guy stuff.

I know you think
you're one in a million.

Statistically, i'm actually 1 in 3.75 million.

Well, i don't give a hootenanny what you think you are, bub.

You're not gonna
intimidate me, jack.

Now, get outta here
before i call security.

But, sir--
hey, hey, hey! Just...

back off. You give me any trouble,
i'll call the cops.

Get back to class.

So we got
our class schedules

and went
on our merry ways.

So beautiful.

Button it up, sweetheart.

Welcome
to advanced latin.

Advanced what?

It's an honor to have you in my class.

Yeah, right.

What's the trick?
Where's reichert?

You know reichert?
Yeah.

He's a brilliant poet.
He is?

I'm, uh, miss simpson.
It's joanne.

Kindly bear with me.

I'm going to attempt
to be your teacher.

As if you needed
a teacher.

Yeah, picture that.

Please, have a seat.

Whoa!

Damn.

Where you from?

An object..

The object
of a transitive verb

is affected,
however lightly,

by what the verb asserts.

An intransitive verb...

don't be throwing
that stuff.

Does not need
an object to complete it.

An affix is a syllable,

a syllable put...

yo, yo, yo,
my man.

I know you're not sitting in my favorite seat.

So, move. Move, dope.

Hey, homeperm.

I know you're not sitting
in my second-favorite seat.

But i thought you said--

shut up.
Yo, give me some ducats,

loot, cash, dough,
cabbage, green.

You want me to pay you to sit here?
Are you crazy?

Of course i'm crazy!

You got me all wrong,
spongecake head.

I want you to pay me
for the privilege

for you not to sit there
on the floor.

Just save it, man.

Save the money, buy yourself
some new kicks,

'cause my three sons joints you
got is whack.

Pencil, uh, crayons,
uh, magic marker.

They all the same to me.
I'm easy.

Amor

omnia

vincit.

Love conquers all.

Latin.

It's the father
of all romance languages.

You sure you're
in the right place, man?

It says i belong here.

Well, since i will be harassing you the entire semester,

you should know
my name.

How you doing?
My name's popsicle.

Cheerio. Ha ha.

Why do they call you
popsicle?

Wedge says 'cause i'm cool,
but sloppy. I don't agree.

What's a wedge?
That's a wedge.

Where my money at?
I ain't got, man.

Where my money at?
Give it up, man.

I'll give you this.
Back off.

I said back off.

Give me that gun.

Open the door.

Aah!

Move, punk.
Get off of me.

Yo!

Yo!

What the hell are you doing
with my female, man?

Chill. Chill.
I'm alright. Stop.

Tell me why i shouldn't cause a six-car pile-up on your head.

Because you're really a nice guy and we should be friends?

Yo, homewedge.
I think you better think about this.

Tell him about the last
fool to mess with you.

Chill out.

Tell him
what you did to him.

I did his book report for him.

No. He's my man.

No, no, no. Yo.
Shut up.

Do the words "intensive care" mean anything to you?

No.

How about
"multiple con...

contusions."

"Contusions,
and fractures..."

intensive care?

"With severe
internal injuries

with a major conclusion."
That's a lot of pain.

Your days
of bruising are over.

I want to introduce
to you my man--

two teeth, one leg
longer than the other,

hurricane
hugo-hip-havoc,

twisted, two-tied torso
from texas,

a boy of prevention that
his girl got extensions.

My man, a.k.a. michael charles,
a.k.a. blade brown.

I dare you to hit him.

So you're
blade brown, huh?

Check this out, blade.

You stay out of my way,
you dig?

You dig?

I dug.

Sit!

Everybody, get up.

Now...
reading is fundamental.

Let us get on
with this school thing.

You, teach!

Oh, yes.
Reading is fundamental.

Okay, class.

We are now going to have 20
minutes of free time.

So, uh, you're blade?

Well, i heard about you and sherelle from lawanda

who told davonne
who told cecilia

who told me that, uh,
you had it goin' on.

I don't think it's a good idea that you and i talk.

And, uh,
sherelle told lawanda who told davonne

who told aletha who told me that, uh...

you know
how to do things

that she never
dreamed about doin'.

Is that true?

Well, i--i can do
some things.

Couple things.

I never quite met a guy like you before.

Me, neither.

Hi. My name's ellen.
Ellen grove.

What's up, babe?

I read your argument for lipopolysaccharide- induced modulation

of human monocyte urokinase production and activity

in the high school
national science review.

Say what, girl?

It was outstanding.

* * *

good morning, students. This
is your principal, mr. Kratz.

I want to welcome you all

to another new
and glorious year

here at higgins high.

We're kicking things off with
our annual antidrug rally.

We hope you'll join us

for a rockin'
good time.

But what really
makes me proud

as a school
administrator

is that i have just signed up a
new arrival here,

he's probably the smartest
student i've ever met,

to head up a team
representing our school

at the knowledge bowl,

mr. Duncan pinderhughes.

Who?

Duncan personally
assured me this morning

that he would rip their
arms out of their sockets.

Well, get back to work.

* * *--

*

duncan, you're so intellectually aggressive.

Wait a minute.
I'm not--

maybe i am.

...and a predicate.

Prepositional phrases
contain a preposition,

its sub-objects,
and any modifier.

I.e., in the sunny garden,
after my arrival,

by the cool fountain.
Transitive verbs, class...

do i look
stupid to you?

Is that
a trick question?

I told you to stay
out of my shit.

Now, she is my shit.

You, me. Parking lot.
After school.

I'd love to,
mr. Wedge,

but i do homework
after school.

I don't care.
You just have your ass there.

Let's go, baby.

"Do i look
stupid to you?"

You seen blade?
Blade brown?

Hell, no.

You seen blade, sweetheart?
No.

You seen blade?
Anybody seen blade?

Yo, blade, how's it hangin'?
My main man.

Uh, it's hangin'
okay, i guess.

Okay, well,
catch you later, man.

Principal kratz!

There's been
a terrible mistake--

you must be
blade brown.

No.
That's the mistake.

I'm duncan pinderhughes.

No.

No. No. No. No. No.

No. No. No.

I'm duncan pinderhughes.
You think that's funny?

You think that's a
joke? Come here.

Say hello
to my friend.

Ow! Ow! Aah!

Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.

What's the matter, man?

Something tells me
you're blade brown.

Where you going?
You stay right here.

Look. I'm not
having a great day.

First somebody wants to beat me up for being you.

Then you wanna beat me up for
not being you.

Then you want me to be you.
What do you want from me?

No, don't be me.
You be you for me.

You ace all my classes this semester and i'll let you live.

You don't, and you die.
Come on.

Look. This afternoon
after school,

i've got a mountain named wedge
who wants to pile-drive my head.

How can i act my way
through a fight?

Leave it up to me,
dukes.

You keep this act up,
or you be drivin'

with one of those handicapped stickers on your car.

You know what i'm sayin'?
Don't tell anybody,

i mean nobody, about this.
Nobody.

And you gonna be in that parking lot after school.
Got it?

Okay. Now...
class is over.

Dismissed.
Come on!

T-minus 10...

2... 1...

let's get ready
to rumble!

Alright,
alright!

Get out of my way, man!
Okay. Okay.

$2.00!
Who's got money?

Yo, i got it covered.
We'll get paid on this fight.

Good boy.
That's a good boy.

Excuse me, excuse me!
Damn freak.

It's me,
duncan pincushion.

It's pinderhughes.

Yo. I just peeped
that punk wedge

runnin' home to mama.

My man blade here's
legit as they say.

I mean legitimate.

I gotta go.
I gotta go bust out some homework.

That's right. That's right.
You heard the nerd.

Pay the man.
Pay the man.

Blade, you freaked that kid wedge out

and didn't even
break a sweat.

You the man! Yo, here's your
cut. 80-20.

That's cool? Cool.
Can i roll with you?

Roll?

Hang with you?
You back me up, i back you up.

Sure, i guess.

Move out the way!

The man's
comin' through! Move.

One stop.

Get out the way, punk!
Hey!

Yo, move!
Pave the way for the king.

Pave the way for my man!

Blade, why don't this time you give me your number?

You want my number?

I...
i don't have any paper.

That's alright.

Just put it
right... here.

I'm lookin' for blade brown.
Anyone seen him?

Tell him juvey dick reichert's lookin' for him.

Can you remember that?
That's one word each.

Juvey dick reichert. Got it?

You want
my address, too?

Psst. Come here.

Pinhead.
Come here. Now.

Oh. Gotta go.

See you later,
datitty-- uh, damita.

Okay.

Could i go home now?
Please?

See.
That's what i gotta talk to you about.

People gotta
think you're me.

So i've been thinkin'.
Oh, no.

I want you
to take lucille home.

Lucille?

Yeah.
What about my parents?

My father would have a coronary
if i brought a woman home.

She's not pregnant,
is she?

This is lucille.
I tricked her out myself.

Are you crazy? I can't drive.
I don't have a license.

Me, neither. So you'll learn.
'Cause if you mess her up,

i mean get one
itsy-bitsy scratch

on her customized paint job,
we goin' back to wood shop.

Come on,
get in there.

Get in there!

Lucille's got one of
the most sophisticated

fuel-burning hydraulic
systems in the world.

I ain't even getting into
her high-tech lubrication

flow-bearing rotation
design. Yo, she's bad!

My bike's third gear's a killer,
too, if you're going downhill.

Oh, yeah? Where's she at?
Right there.

You ain't got a bike.
You got a bike.

Cool, huh?

Get lost, pinderpiss,
and don't mess her up. Go!

Yo, yo, man!

Get your foot
off the brake!

Whoa, lucille.
Whoa.

Girl,
that's blade brown.

He is fine!

Hey, look out, idiot!

Damn!

Are you okay?
Step off.

I'm...
i'm outta here.

Bye.

That's
duncan pinderhughes.

He's wonderful.

This isn't mine.

That's a hell of a car.

...if it's
the last thing i do.

Me, the blade.
How can the blade go out like this?

I don't believe it.

Curb, curb, curb...

aah!

Damn pinderpuke.

Who is it?

It's me, ma. Michael.

Sounds like you added more locks
to the door, ma.

Mm-hmm.

I'm out. Ain't you
glad to see me?

The judge says
i got to look after you?

Do me a favor.
Stay out of trouble.

I hope you didn't
pay for that haircut.

You know, duncan,

you could take 2, maybe 3
inches off the top there.

Dad, we've been
through this before.

I'm just expressing myself... aerodynamically.

Did you meet
anyone at school today

that's up
to your social level,

your intellectual
abilities?

No, actually,
i--i didn't.

Duncan, it's not
just what you know.

It's who you know.

I couldn't agree
with you more, dear.

Oh, i'll get it.

Now, that's ridiculous.

Damn, what took you so long?
Can't you hear?

Oh my! Can i help you?

Yeah, i'm looking
for duncan.

Blade! What a surprise.

Nice crib.

Uh, mom, dad,
this is my friend, blade.

Blade?
That's your name?

Dad? Is that yours?

Blade came by to get some help with his homework.

Really? What seems
to be the problem?

You got a problem?

Uh... isn't he funny?

Well, we've got lots to do.
Blade, let's go upstairs, okay?

Alright.
We'll be back.

Check this out.

It took years
to build up my rep.

I ain't letting no punk like you ruin it.

Alright. What's so special
about being you, anyway?

First, you
gotta dress right.

Style is more than just a state of mind,
my brother,

so i brought you
some gear.

Oh, yeah.

Yes. You, too, can be
a soul train dancer.

What you talkin' about? This
gear is hype, man.

Not like that kmart stuff you be wearin'.

Kmart?
This is not kmart.

This is j.c. penney's
top of the line, buddy.

Whoa, whoa.
Don't start yellin'.

Now, for starters,

let's get rid of these.

Ah! Here. Take this.

That's not hygienic!

I'll give you hygienic!
Take it!

Oh, yeah.
Fits like a charm.

One more thing
to take care of.

What's that?
That.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

What is going
on up there?

I better check
this out.

You know you're gonna like it.
Stop squirming.

Will you stop blowin' me?
It's getting me much too hot.

Ow!

Dear,
what's the matter?

Julie, have you
ever wondered

about our son's
sexual preference?

You know, i never really was
aware that he had one.

Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, no.

The blade trademark
is in full effect.

Bye, dad.

Bye, dad.

Was that our son?

I like the way the top
comes off the back.

Like lego--
on, off.

Shut up.

Wind through your hair.

Breeze through
the dreads.

Shut up.
Why are we here?

See the way i look at it is,
if you're gonna be blade brown,

you gotta know where
blade brown comes from.

I thought you crawled out
from under a rock.

Damn.

Hey.

You hurt my tooth.
Not the gold one, my bicuspid.

Bicuspid.

How's your tooth now?

Boy, are you sensitive.

How you doing, sweetheart?

Hi, blade.

You got to follow me,
the leader.

Stay close.

Blade!

Missed you, sweetheart.
How you doing?

Hey, hey!
I missed you, too.

Alright, alright.
Hey, homeboy, what's up?

The man is in the house!
Get off of me!

Alright, come on.
Follow, man.

You got to keep up
if you want to learn.

Alright!

You wanna jingle, baby?

Come on, sexy.

Ah, do you come a lot?
I mean, do you come here a lot?

You know, when i saw you
from across the room,

i kinda figured
that you and i would--

would you like
to dance with me?

You know what i think of
when i look at you?

I think of schussing
down the slopes

of the blue ridge
mountains.

Where have you been
all my life?

So how about it?

Twice the fun.

How you doing?
Oop!

Oh, i'm sorry.
Did i get that?

Oh, my god.
Oh. Oh!

Yo, simon, homeboy, it's been
one hell of a night, man!

Lisa, right?

Oh, i...

* i can't feel it
'cause... *

yo, watch
my female, man!

* Body language
talking constantly *

* not a lot of time *

* now,
lucky ladies' night... *

* lucky ladies'
night now *

what's up, man?
You got a problem?

Yo, yo, chill! He's with me,
fellas. Chill.

Alright!
Hey! What's up?

Not much, man.
Yo, fruity, go-go,

this is my man d.
He's alright with me.

Fresh do, man.

Don't worry.

We got business to talk later.
Got to go.

Wait. I was into it.

Why you hugging
the brother, stupid?

Don't call me
stupid.

You stupid, man.

Can we please
go home now?

Sit here!

Let me break this down to you.
You got to kick the language

as if you got it
going on.

Like, with the program.

Like a microsoft word program on my computer?

No. Listen.

Speak to the people as though you're with it,

ain't new to this.

Okay. Okay.

I don't understand.
It's like...

you don't
kick some butt.

You be
kickin' some ass!

You don't
hit on a girl.

You'd be
hittin' on a bitch!

Okay. I get it.
I use the word "be"

followed by the gerund or first person singular of the verb.

You know, like,
i be going home,

or i be getting
a good mark in class.

That's hype!

What?
Hype! Stupid! Dope!

Livin' large!
In the mix!

One thing at a time.
Back to this "be" thing.

What if it's used
with an intransitive verb?

Say what?

Let's say i'm
on a plane to new york.

Would i be fly on the plane
to new york?

Well, that depends.

Depends on what?

On you be wearing.

Be fly if i dress
a certain way?

That's right.

That's stupid.
Thanks.

I said
that was stupid.

I said thanks.

You deaf?

The deafest brother
on this block.

You're deaf?
That's right.

I think blade brown is the biggest asshole on the planet.

Hey!
You're not deaf.

Stop dissin' me.
I'll kick you in your mouth!

Thanks for that little
walk on the wild side.

I be needing
to get to bed now.

I be needing
my suitcase.

See ya.
I'm outta here.

Wait. Since i'm doing
something for you,

you have to do
something for me.

I am doing something for you.
I'm letting you live. Remember?

And i appreciate that,
but in addition,

you've got to help me
pass phys. Ed.

Oh, sports. No problem.
I'm dope in sports.

Man, if you
don't get off me...

you'll need
some of my clothes.

Shirt here.

And, oh...

shoes to make it
complete.

I don't think so.
I'll get my own.

Well, if you do,
don't forget the pennies.

Nice pennies.

Damn! Oh!

Hey, you know
that kid of yours,

he'll make
one hell of a homey.

Nice cups.

Did he say homo?

Open this door, man!

Holy mackerel, here.
What's going on in here?

Step off, man!

Blade brown...

your ass is mine!

Okay, gentlemen, i'm only going
to say this once, so listen up.

I don't want no cheating,
no fighting,

no biting, no spitting,
or any unfair sports play.

Alright, listen up.
I'm only gonna say this once

'cause tomorrow, you candy asses
are gonna walce into here.

With a doctors note

for everything, from sensitive
skin to asthma.

I wanna see, good, clean
sportsmanship.

Now, get out there
and have some fun!

I said have some fun!

Let's go, y'all!

It's coming at me.
What do i do?

Catch it, man.

What do i do now?

Run!

* My, my, my *

* you can't touch this
music hits me so hard *

* makes me say "oh, my lord" *

* thank you for blessing me *

hi.

Hey, ladies.

Aah!
Aah!

Sorry.

* You can't touch me *

* i told you, homeboy *

* yeah, that's how we livin' *

merry christmas,
wedge.

What you doing, man?

Aah!

Have a nice day,
kid.

Go get 'em, man.

Don't i know...

thanks.

Mommy!

I'm sorry, man.

Aagh.

Yo, coach.

He was
a tough one, man.

1... 2...3.
you're out of there.

Blade is it?
Come on out here.

I want to see how well you can kick that football.

Do i have to, sir?

Yes, you have to, sir.

Where do you want me
to kick it?

Between those
two pointy sticks.

That's
a 50-yard kick.

Come on, man.

Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa!

Yeah!

How'd you do that?

Actually,
it's quite simple.

It's simply a matter of
calculating the wind velocity

gravitational pull,
the angle of deflection

symmetry, and the weight
of the ball.

Do it again.

* Class act *

* class act *

* class act *

* work that body *

* work that body *

* class act *

check it out.
Huh?

Yay!
Yay! Yay!

* Things aren't always
what they seem *

* in this world
of broken dreams *

you're going out
for football.

You're going to be
my secret weapon,

you and me are gonna
be real close.

Hey, mr. Froggy,
you want a lick?

Wanna lick, mr. Froggy?

You know, this is quite an
interesting species of frog.

Yeah, i know.

I mean, he's
so wet and slippery.

Mmm, biology
is so real, huh?

Damita, you were going
to play with my frog.

Your frog ain't jumping
in my direction.

There's a new tadpole
in town.

Here's my address.
Pick me up tonight around 8:00

so we can get that biology
thing happening.

Damita, i thought you were
gonna to play

with my frog!

Duncan pinderhughes.

Duncan.
Huh?

You prepared to give your
dissertation?

Disser what?

Your dissertation on human sexuality and reproduction.

You got the wrong, uh,
student, teach.

I'm not ready to give
my dissemation.

Dissertation.
Why not?

It was in the syllabus.
Whose bus?

Syllabus!

Because i need help,

and the only
assistant here

smart enough to help me
is, uh... her.

Okay. I'll give you
a one-day extension.

Good looking out,
teach.

The name's
mrs. Ipswitch.

Whatever.

Okay.
Ellen, let's get back to base oppression.

Duncan.

Oh, hi.
Hi.

My home address.

Um, why don't you
call me tonight,

and we can get started
on that, um...

dissertation.

Uh, yeah, sure.

Okay. Bye.

Hey, what
do you think?

Yo, baby, what do you think
of the brooks brothers?

I'm just gonna go home get
started on the dissection paper

on my database.

Wait. See you
tonight, right?

Bye.
Alright. Later.

You got your shit off
on the football field,

but let's see
what you got now.

Ohh!

Thanks for bailing me
out of jail, mink.

Don't think i'm paying for this.
You're paying me back, alright?

Let's get the hell
outta here.

You look like a slab
of meat in rocky.

So... having some
problems at school?

Oh, no, mink,
everything is cool.

Cool. It's cool.

Cool.
Cool.

Well, i hear
differently.

I hear that blade brown

has got you looking
like a chump, man.

Is that right?

I hear that the whole
school's looking up to him.

Oh, brother,
that's bad for business.

Sorry, mink.

They are supposed
to be looking up to you

and only you.

Now, if that's a problem,

i have to
get rid of you.

Let's go, fellas.

* So i'm lookin' to you *

* please just don't turn
your back *

* in my heart,
in my soul *

* i believe
that i am a class act *

* oh *

* class act *

* oh *

* class act *

* work that body *

* work that body *

* class act, yeah *

* class act *

* work that body *

* work that body *

* class act, yeah *

aagh!

* Class act *

* work that body *

* work that body *

* class act, yeah *

* class act *

* work that body *

* work that body *

* class act, yeah *

hey.

There she blows!

Ooh!

5,000, pops.

Duncan!

Yo, ellen,
what's up?

So glad you're here.
Come on.

Sure.

Hey, little red
riding hood!

Where are you going,
to grandma's house?

Little red
riding hood!

Ain't you in the wrong
neighborhood, boy?

Where you goin'?
You don't belong around here.

Is this 6714?

What you think, man?

What's up?
It's about time.

I'm going, pops.

Umph!

God.

Hey. You ready?

Ready?

I thought we were going
to do the biology paper.

Sugar, we need to do
a little more research first.

Huh? Huh?
Hmm?

Oh, that is fresh.

You are
rolling big-time!

Let's see
how fast it goes.

Wait a minute.

That has very
sophisticated,

uh, fuel-burning
hydraulic system.

Hey, you got any dogs
around here or something?

No, we don't
have a dog.

Sure the neighbors don't
have any dog or something?

If i ruin these shoes--

i paid a lot
for these shoes, girl.

Come on, duncan.

I felt something,
something moist.

So these are one
of those garbanzos?

Gazebo.
Whatever.

You know what i like
about you, duncan?

You may be
a serious scholar,

but you have a wild streak
hidden deep inside you.

No shit.

See, i love it,
when you talk dirty like that.

Ohh, duncan.

I want to find
my wild side.

No. Not you.

I don't believe it.
You got one?

Yes, i do.

No, no, no, no.
You don't get it.

You see that flower
right there?

Yeah.

You're like
that flower--

all soft and pretty,

respectable-like,

you know
what i'm saying?

And what are you like?

Me? I'm like
the other flower--

all rough and ugly,

nothing you'd want to decorate
your living room with.

It's dying.

How sexy.

Sexy?

What's so sexy
about that?

In much ado
about nothing,

shakespeare wrote,

"i will live
in thy heart...

"die in thy lap...

and be buried
in thy eyes."

Yeah? So?

Well,
so in his time,

to die--the way
he used it--

meant to have
a sexual orgasm.

Hold up. My man shakespeare,
was rapping about poppin' in some girl?

Well, i guess you
could say that.

Oh, i'm sorry.
I meant making love.

Yeah.

You really are something
kind of wild, boy.

Yeah?

Listen, i got
something to tell you.

You do?

Never mind.
Come on. Let's go.

I know someplace nearby.
Come on.

* Let me show you why *

* your body
can't lie to me *

* 'cause i know
despite your meanings *

* your body
can't lie to me... *

oh, miss thing,
how you doing?

You look just like
robin givens, baby.

Just call me mike tyson.
Where you goin'?

Mine eyes have seen
the glory!

I got to have that, man.

Don't mind them.
We'll eat and blow out of here.

Say, you don't mind
if one of my friends here

dances with your lady,
do you?

Yeah, baby, come on.

Look, you're messin' with the
wrong bitch. Okay?

Oh, baby, i like a female
with a mind.

Take your greasy,
activator-dripping,

jherri curl hands
off me, okay?

I ain't got no jherri curl!
This is natural, baby.

I only put
lemon juice in it.

Don't touch me.
My man is not gonna stand for that.

Who? Him? What's mop-top
gonna do,

cry all over us?

Lenny kravitz-looking
somebody, man.

I say we flip him.

Heads we beat him up,
tails we beat him up.

Ya, man. Y'all kick his ass.

Blade, ain't you gonna
stand up for me?

The blade?

Yo, man,
you blade brown?

Uh, yeah.

I mean, uh...

yeah, fool!

You wanna make
something of it?

No, sir, mr. Brown.

We misunderstood.

We was just
fooling around.

Oh, you were, huh? No.
I think the three of you--

i think y'all were trying
to play me!

No.
No, man.

Look, y'all,
i am blade brown,

the dopest, hypest
brother on the block.

True, true.

I think y'all be needing
to get outta here

before you force me
to clarify myself...

with my fists!
Like this.

Ohh!
Ohh!

Come on, girl.

I think we be needing some fresh
air. This place is through.

Whatever you say, baby.

Ohh!
Ohh!

Wait a minute.

What are you
looking at?

Look...

i'm sorry.

Excuse me.
What was that?

I said
i was sorry.

Oh. That's what
i thought you said.

You know
i'll slap you, boy.

But i won't tonight
'cause i like you.

Take it easy.

It's so pathetic.

I mean, when guys think they
need to prove their masculinity

by being tough, they just
end up looking foolish.

Yeah. Pathetic.

That was so funny.
Damn, that was funny.

You scared them
to death, baby.

Pull over right here.

Yeah.

But did you see
their faces?

Did you see their faces?

You are so dope.
I mean, you are so dope.

They ran out of there like
they had hot coal up their ass.

You know,
would you like me

even if i wasn't so...
powerful?

I mean, if people
weren't so afraid of me?

Blade, you're cool
no matter what.

Well, i mean,
would you like me

even if i was a nerd

and didn't
beat people up

and wasn't so cool?
Would you like me even then?

But you are cool,
so don't even worry about it.

Wait a minute. Wait, wait,
wait. I'm serious.

I wanna know about you.
I wanna know about you inside.

I want you to know
about me inside.

Really?

No one's ever asked
for that.

Well, it's
important to me.

I want to show you
something. Come on.

Come on.

Hurry up! Come on.

What is it?
It's a surprise.

You like surprises?

Yeah, i guess.

Good.

What are we doing
at a wax museum?

I work here.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

Check this out.

Conan.

Mm-hmm.

Alright.

I designed that.

You? That?

Me. Mm-hmm.
Get outta here.

I did! Really.
You like it?

Yeah.
It's cool, word.

You know what i like
about you?

I mean,
you're strong and tough...

but you're honest,
you know?

I mean, i feel like
we don't have any secrets.

Yo, d.c., man,
i used to go with her.

Yeah, right.

I ain't lying, man.

Mm-hmm.

You know, i had
a good time tonight.

So did i.

Damita.

There's something
i need to tell you.

Okay what?
Well...

uh, we should do the
biology paper tomorrow.

Alright, cool.
That'll work.

Well... good night.

Will i see you
tomorrow?

Sure, sure.

Ahem. Sure.

Bye.

Now, what you fools
looking at?

Huh? Huh?
Mmm?

Whoo!

Goodnight.

Bye-bye.

So...

i had fun.

So did i.

Have a good night,
duncan pinderhughes.

Listen, before
we go any further,

about this
duncan pinder--

um...

you didn't really want help
with that dissertation, did you?

No. Not exactly.
I knew it.

Listen.

Goodnight.

Oh!

Oh, nuts!

Pinderpuss!

Oh! Ow!

What do you want?

I need help with my
dissemitation in biology class.

I don't want to look like no
fool. What should i do?

Find something in it
you like,

something
you know about.

That way you can talk
about it intelligently.

Find an angle that makes
it jam in my head?

Yeah, i guess.

Thanks, man.

Oh!

That's got to be right,

'cause if you put
the fuel injection--

man, i just don't--

hey, morning, mom.

Don't tell me
you're doing homework.

Yeah.
I'm doing homework.

What's that?

What?

That.

What?

That!

It's a flower.

What's it doing there?

Someone gave it to me.

'Cause they thought
i was special,

and i put it there...
for you.

Hmm.

It involves fuel injection
and rotation.

The increased speed
is dependent on how big...

your shaft is.

In most cases, lubrication
and piston control is a must.

In prevention of heat,

you really should
keep a coil around.

And that was
human reproduction,

by duncan pinderhughes.

As you can see,
science is my life.

Now, any questions?

What does a description

of an automobile
and its components

have to do
with human sexual behavior?

Uh... well,
think about it.

Where does most sex
take place?

Oh, duncan,
this is excellent.

I know, i know.

Human sexuality as a function
of breeding environment.

What you just said,
lady.

Oh, splendid, splendid.

Thank you,
thank you.

Any other
questions?

No! No! No! No! No!

Now, you want to get high,
you got to pay the man!

Now, where's my money?

Mr. Wedge, there was
a long line at the bank

and a lot of peer pressure
and homework--

wedge!

Drop him!

I'm getting tired of you high,
yellow, raggedy-rasta ass!

Let's get it on now!

No problem, homey.
Right this way.

Let's do this.

Hold it, wedge.

I want to remember you
just like this.

Hey! Hey!

Nice, but
you misspelled "ouch."

Put me down, man!

Oh!
Oh! Oh!

That's my man.

Ow!

Say "pretty please."

Pretty please.

Okay, you can go.

Ohh!
Ohh! Ohh!

Man, there was about
eight, nine of them, man.

Yo, that kid looks
like buster douglas.

Dope, thanks,
partner!

Trying to sweat me
for some loot for some--

you ain't no partner of mine
if you messing with drugs.

I don't want to catch you
messing with that stuff again!

I'm sorry, man.
I'm sorry.

Y'all heard him!
Y'all heard him!

Just say no.

Get back to class!

Blade! Blade! Blade!

Oh, mama.

Being you is beginning
to cramp my style.

This was your idea.

We can go to principal kratz
and tell him the whole story.

Oh, no, you won't!

Yo, chill.

I need you to help me
with my homework.

You want me
to do it for you.

I need you to help for me
to do it myself.

What are
you looking at?

Whoo! Whoo!

Cool, buddies.

Tyson, rasta butts, cruising
outside of your map land.

Bladage, dude.
Talk to me.

Ginsu.

What?
What?

I know you're clueless,
like, of my whole gig,

but my name is julian thomas,
and i'm the weasel!

I'm organizing
the stoniest drug rally--

i mean, antidrug rally--
and dance tomorrow night,

and my lobes just experienced
through the grape vinage

that you and drugs are not,
like, a killer com... bo,

and i fully think
that's ma... jor.

Against drugs?

I am?
No. I am.

My lobes also experienced that
you know how to rock the mike,

and i'd be stoked, bro,
if you could do it at the dance.

I got five topless dancers
from sloppy sue's.

They're going
to have pumps, minis,

and the fake cones
are going to be chillin'.

The woods are going
to be created down below.

They're going to dance
in cages by the stage.

That is if they don't shine.

Do you think that's too harsh
for an antidrug rally, buddies?

No.
Yes.

So i could
crayola you in?

Yeah.
No.

Yes.

Yes.
Yes?

Yes.

Later, bud... dies.

Yo, the drug rally--
you going to bust a rap there.

$75? And he didn't
get a kiss?

So what?

I can't rap like you,
and i can't dance like you.

Hey, man, you can--
fruity, go-go,

would you turn that
crap down, please?

Now?

Throw the music on.

Come on, man.

Alright,
here we go.

Now, 50 % of it is your
attitude and style,

you know
what i'm saying?

Body language
is very important,

but the words got
to come from upstairs.

Now, try this.

* My sister, my sister *

* tell me what the trouble is
i'll try to listen good *

* and give the best advice
that i can give *

* so what's up with you this
time? Your honey took a dive *

* and now he's playin'
with your mind? *

Try this one.
In the hips.

* Hold on, time out i shout
get it together, sister *

* tell him to be not
so distant, mister *

* it's a shame *

come on! Come on!

* It's a shame *

* the way you hurt me *

add this to it.

* It's a shame *

come on, man.

Come on, dance,
man.

* It's a shame *

* the way you hurt me *

try this one.

* I'm beggin' you to check out
for your own needs *

* don't nobody see you
in a state of grievin' *

* over the brother
there's another possibility *

* work out
where you went wrong *

* i guarantee to you
it will not take long *

* for you to
pretend that you belong *

* you know
where honey's head at *

* and where
he's comin' from... *

oh!

This is going to be
a long night, man.

This guy--you two.

Come on!

Ow.

I'll get you your money, mink.
Really, i promise, man.

Come on, mink.

Billy, billy, billy,
haven't i taught you anything?

Haven't i taught you

never to make promises
you can't keep?

You let blade brown dis
you in front of everybody.

It's a wonder they didn't want
to pay you the money.

Now...

i think it's about time
we take out the garbage.

Oh, no!

Don't, mink!
You got to believe me!

He's stealing your money,
man, not me.

He's the one
stealing your money.

He's scared everybody
into thinking you pay him.

Blade brown?

Yeah, he's trying to edge in
on your territory.

You better not
be playing me!

No.
I'm straight up.

Oh, god!

Oh, thank you, mink!

Thank you, god,
my brother.

Thank you, oh, lord!

Stop whining, you silly bitch.

Well, i think
it's about time

we paid blade brown
a visit.

Yeah!

Let's kick his ass.

Hey, don't leave me here, man.

Oh, duncan.

What up, money?

Money?

A figure
of speech, dad.

Duncan, we need to talk about the hair,

the--the gear.

I'm going
to a big dance.

Oh, you're going
to a dance.

Blade and i
are going.

You're going to
a dance with blade?

Yeah. Check you later, pops.
Peace, moms.

* I can't stand *

* whoa, oh *

* what you're doin'
to me *

* yeah *

* everybody *

* messin' with my mind *

* yeah, yeah, yeah *

* you don't understand *

* girl, i want you
to be mine *

* yeah, yeah, yeah *

* just be right *

* hold that body, baby *

* t-rock will
never make it *

* packin' the rhythms
you can relate *

* i love it when
the women are soft... *

any extra bullets?

I think so.

Good. Wait, wait.
Do you or don't you have any?

Yeah, yeah.

Alright.
I'm going to need them.

No, i don't.

* Like a storm,
i stepped into a light *

* electric stain *

* wanted to feel fly *

* but what you get
is what you aim *

* if you get
the tame away *

* remain the same *

* where you goin'? *

Blade!

* Now, give it up
to me now *

yo, blade!

Duncan, i saw your girlfriend
out there, man.

Get out of here,
you little dweep.

Where have you been?
What happened to you?

I couldn't get
my hair together.

Sure you know
where we going?

I think so.

What do you mean? Do you
want to know what i think?

* Yeah, yeah *

* all my love *

yeah!

Yeah, buddy.
That was cool.

Okay, cool.
Too fly. Too fly. Okay.

Remember what
i taught you.

I was going
to talk to you.

Listen, i want you to know.
Don't get edged at me, right,

because those five
topless dancers

from sloppy sue's
couldn't make it.

They came down with a sudden
rash of, like, poison oak.

I figured it would be
in bad taste

for them to show up
this evening.

I was thinking.
But...

i'm going to sing
a song tonight.

Uh-1...

uh-2...

uh-1, 2, 3, 4!

* I'm a stony,
crusty dude *

* with the mop on top *

boo!
Boo!

Get off!

* But i'll never stop *

* tryin' to reach
the notes *

* from coast to coast *

* the ones with the cones
i dig the most *

wait, wait, wait.

Okay, chill.

Okay, okay.

Okay, shut up.

I'm going to bring out the guy
that you guys been waiting for.

Your bud, my bud--
the blade!

Ho ho!

I'm having some serious second
thoughts, man. I really am.

Don't front now.
Don't front.

Blade, tyson, what's up?

Dude, do not shine me.

They're so into you.

They hated lisa-lisa.

I thought i was going to get a
tomato in my mouth. Check it!

Just trip into the mike.

You're going
to be fully with it.

Don't let them
see you sweat.

You just got to do it.

Hit it.
Hit it.

That's my boy!

Bust this beat.

* Oh, yeah *

* this is another hyped one
for ya *

* now, stop, stop,
stop the presses *

* hold your horses
sit back, relax, and max *

* 'cause, of course,
it's a brother *

* who was put on
by another brother *

* now it's time
to discover *

* that the knowledge
contained in the rhymin' blitz *

* the man with the funky
dope twists never quits *

* now start singing
to the beat i'm swinging to *

* a star's bigger than messing,
we're breaking through *

* now listen here,
my dear *

* 'cause i'm a-gonna fly *

* high school
doesn't mean *

* you gotta get high *

* a strong mentality
will reach the sky *

* a weak mind only wants
to get by *

* and it's likely
to go and get caught up *

* with any drugs
that can be bought up *

* like the dope smoke,
smack, the crack *

* the set, set, set
of the chu-chunky black *

* in fact,
if you want that *

* you better get smart *

he's screwing up
my damn name!

* Be yourself,
be for real *

* don't try
to ignore us *

* i got my mind made up *

* come on, i'm going
to get it *

* get it right *

* all day and night *

* even if i have
to fight *

where's
the extra mike, man?

* And if the gang ain't with it
quit it, just forget it *

* i'm movin' on
because i'm so strong *

get out of my face.

* I know right from wrong *

* step, step back, boy don't
always believe what you heard *

* because right here and now i'm
gonna school you 'bout nerds *

* you should never
judge a book *

* by its cover *
i'm simply talkin' 'bout *

* trustin' your boy,
girl, or lover *

* there's too many things
one needs to consider *

* before you find
the pick of the litter *

* now, i myself try
to express the truth *

* covered up with a smile and a
bright gold tooth *

* and if the gang
ain't with it *

* quit it,
just forget it *

* i'm movin' on
'cause i'm too strong *

* i know
right from wrong *

* i got
my mind made up *

* come on *

* yeah *

* dynamic duo
winner, ha *

* live and direct
from the trouble scene *

* you're 'bout to get hit
with the double team *

* and first up at bat *

* is a brother
that saw all that *

* from the wrong side
of the tracks *

* but that don't mean
i don't know *

* what time it is *

* in the rap and the rhymin' biz
and one thing for sure *

* yo, i ain't
no quitter *

* here comes
the homerun hitter *

* never had to take it,
i was gettin' respect *

* never had to learn it,
'cause i came correct *

* couldn't care less
about bein' down *

* ain't nothin' profound
about standin' around *

* set the trends *

* strict rules, i been
break 'em again and again *

* it's my life,
my friend *

* and it'll be that way
until i say cease *

* we outta here,
peace *

* i got my mind made up,
come on *

so...

i almost fainted when you
got up on stage to rap.

What made you do it?

I don't know. Iguess it was the
wild streak busting out in me.

Duncan?

Yeah, what's up, baby?

I want to do
something wild, too.

You do?

I do think i like
all-night miniature golf

down over at, um--

you don't have to...

uh, yeah, i'm with that.

We can--we can
definitely do that.

Let's do that.
Come on.

Whose breeding environment
is this?

It's blade brown's.

Uh!

Oh!

Let's make bacon.

Bacon?

Oh, duncan!

Oh, wait!
The--the button!

You guys jammed.

Jammed, jim, jammed,
jimmy, jammy, jimmy.

Where did you learn
to do all that?

Uh, the streets,
the streets--

my turf.
It's kind of inbred.

A lot of inbreeding
going on in the streets.

Mmm, well, whatever,
but you was dope, big-time--

dope with a capital "d."

Uh, thanks.

Blade?

Uh, yes, damita?

Um...

my mom's working tonight.

Oh my god!
You got it going on.

Bang, boom, pap!

You're the finest girl i've seen in high school in six years.

Let me go get my stuff.
I'll be back, okay?

Here we go!
Here he is!

Grab him!

Oh, no, you don't.

It's bye-bye time.

I was just about
to get some!

Blade, wait!

Get in there, punk.

I'll be right back.

Aah!
Damn!

Can't you knock?

The pinder--
they got him, man.

Yo, ain't that
that genius kid?

Yeah, that's me.
Get in!

This is probably
as good a time as any

to let you know
how sorry i am

for beating you up,
wedge.

It was peer pressure
and all.

I had to maintain
my reputation.

Why don't we just let
bygones be bygones, okay?

Shut up, blade.

Michael charles
blade brown.

Nice do.

Ha ha ha!

I crack me up, y'all.

Ha ha ha!

Who are you?

I'm mink.

Wha-what do you do,
mr. Mink?

Well, let's just say
that i'm a businessman.

And you screwin'
my business.

Screwing.
That's a little harsh.

Yes. What's bad for business,
is bad for the economy.

My economy.

I'm gonna cause you
some serious brain damage.

That, would be more than
brain damage.

Like cerebral hemorrhage.

Ha ha ha!

That's, a nice bra there.

Go, touch yourself.

Yo, man, step off.
I'm talkin' about steppin' off.

You sure you know what
this car looks like?

I've got
photographic memory.

You got what?

Photographic memory. You know,
lee majors and that bionic man.

I thought you had one of those photographic memories.

Even lee majors' thing
messes up sometimes.

I know
i been out late,

but i been taking
care of business.

I did call you,

but nobody answered the phone.

Hello! Hello!
Uncle theophilus!

Uncle theophilus!

Come on!

Uncle theophilus!

It's me, popsicle!

Go get your
hearing aid!

Go get your
hearing aid!

You can't--you can't
find your hearing aid?

Get a cup! Put a cup
to the phone!

I'm in the hospital!
My leg's broken!

Pop! Come on!

I got to go
walk my dog!

Let's go! We got
to go get him!

Come on!
Get in the car, man!

There they go.

Who's doing that?

Aah!

You stupid!
Yo, watch it!

Ha ha ha!

I only got
one good eye!

Come on, man!

Get off!
Hey!

Come on, guys! Uhh!

Get off me!

Aah!

Grab him!

I got him.

Hang on, guys!
Hang on!

You stupid ignoramus!

Paint the line
straight!

Pull!

I got him!

Don't you let him
out of here!

Hey! Watch out!

Oh! Ow!

Oh!
Oh!

Aah! Oh!
Oh! Oh!

Give me your gun!

I don't have my gun!

Where's your gun?

In the trunk!

What's it doing
there?

I only got one good eye!

Watch the road!

Whoa!

Whoa!
Whoa!

Aah!

You let him go!

Pull me up!
Pull me up!

Pull yourself!

Hold on to him!

Pull him in!
Pull him, stupid!

They're shooting!
They're shooting!

Come to mama, baby.
Come to mama.

Aah!

Damn, mink.
I lost 'em. Sorry.

What do you mean,
you lost 'em?

Wait.
I think i know where they went.

You better be right.
Let's go. Go!

Come on. Let's go.

Thanks. That
was a close one.

Let's go
to the wax museum.

I told you
not to lose 'em!

And you two! I told you
to not let him go!

He's driving
like an old lady!

All i'm hearing
is excuses! Shut up!

I think i know
where they went.

Where? Where?
I forgot.

I mean forget!

I forget you exist!
This is it!

After this, you are gone!

Oh, man!
Chuck woolery!

Yo, man,
that's pat sajak.

That ain't pat sajak.

That's chuck woolery
from jeopardy!, man.

Good thinking,
pinkerpuss.

Look, the name is pinderhughes.
Duncan pinderhughes.

I'm sick and tired
of you screwing up my name.

I'm sick and tired
of being you, period!

I'm sick and tired of living your bookwormy life.

Hold it. You're
duncan pinderhughes?

And you're blade brown?

Oh, man!

You, lyin' son of a--

hold up.
It's very simple.

He asked me
to pretend to be him

so i could pass p.e.
for him.

He made me be him
so he'd stay out of jail.

He threatened to
belt-sand my face.

You're not my man.
You're a genius.

I can't believe i was hanging out with a genius.

I'm going to throw up nasty chicken grease

and corn oil
and cream of wheat.

I'm just
getting sick

thinking about
throwing up.

I want you two
to open the door.

You stay here
and watch the car.

Make sure
the car's okay.

Mink, we're
in the red zone.

Make sure it's okay.

But, mink!

Get the door open,
stupid.

I really care about you.
Don't touch me!

I can't believe you'd do this, duncan--

blade or
whoever you are!

Somebody's coming.
Come on.

Oh, my god!
This way!

Oh, my god!
Oh, my god!

Deal.

Ooh ooh ooh ooh!

What? What?

There goes
chuck woolery!

That's not
chuck woolery, stupid.

It's jimmy swaggart.

Let's go.

Ollie-ollie-outgofree!

Ollie-ollie-outgofree!

Let's get back down.

Hey, we--we know
you're in here.

I saw something move!

Where did they go?

Where are you going?

There. W-wait.

There they go.

Okay, go.

You come with me, stupid.

Let's go.

Hey.

What?

Look, man,
it's willie nelson.

Ha ha ha ha ha!

It's not willie nelson,
stupid.

It's colonel sanders.

Come on, let's go.

Oh, damn!

Quiet, you--

aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Come on!

We got to get
out of here!

This way. Let's go.
Quick.

This way.
Hurry up.

Damn, that thing
is ugly.

Uh!

Come on.

Hurry up!

Come on, come on!

Whoa!

Let's go this way.

Let's go.
Go on, man. Go!

Keep going!
Keep going!

Can you stop shaking?
You're making me nervous.

Aah!

Shoot it!
Shoot it!

Oh, would you shut up?

Let's go.

Shh... it's okay.

Okay, look.

Whoo!

Aw, shut up!

I'm going
around that way,

and i want you
to go this way.

I'm going with you.

What's that?
Go that way.

Aah!

You didn't scare me.

* Oh, jeepers creepers *

* where'd ya get
those peepers? *

* Jeepers creepers *

* where'd ya get
those eyes? *

* Oh, gosh, all git up *

* how'd they get
so lit up? *

Hasta luego!

Bon voyagee!

Duck, baby.

Whoa!

Aah!

Whoa! Aah!

It's just me and you.

Yeah. Ha ha!

Nice punch.

What the--

i know a shortcut.
Come on.

Come on.

Hurry up!

Ooh!

Follow me.

Hurry up!

Oh, stupid tunnel.

Hope there ain't no rats
in here.

Damn!

Oh oh oh oh oh!

Go!

Come on out,
you little wuss!

Go.

Come on. Come on,
i know you're here.

You got him!

No one is talking
while i'm talking.

No one is talking
while i'm talking.

Shut up!

Everybody freeze!
Drop the guns.

So that's the whole
story in a nutshell.

It was all
blade brown's fault.

If it wasn't for him,
i wouldn't be here.

And you never would
have met damita either.

Hmm, that's true.

And you'd
still be a wimp.

Yeah, i guess
you're right.

Hey, rock,
how's it going?

Oh, no.
Grab a seat, punk,

and turn down the volume
on that jacket.

Hey, delinquents!

Hey, tinkerbells,
what's up?

What's up is the, uh,
girls were released an hour ago,

and now you guys are
free to go. You, too, brown.

Me? What's the catch?

Did you hear him?

Wait a minute.
A little louder.

You heard me.
We need you.

You're trying to tell me
5-0 needs me?

Yeah. That's right. Need you
to testify against mink.

The judge wants you in school
because you're good role models.

You know what i think?
My opinion is

once bad, always bad.

I'm real sorry
to hear that,

but i've got things
to see and people to do.

People to see
and things to do.

Wait--wait--wait
a minute.

I won't be
needing this anymore.

What you been eating?

Alright, alright.
Single file.

See you later,
isaac hayes.

The pleasure's mine,
whoopi.

Hey, duncan,

think you could, uh, fix me up
with the principal's secretary?

You know, uh...

the one with the big...
yeah, yeah.

Uh, think
she likes me?

Anything's possible.

Hello!
Damn!

Ladies.
Boom! Pap!

My parents are going
to kill me.

Uncle theophilus
is going to beat me.

Man, you should
be proud.

I can't front, pinderhughes.
You did alright.

You said my name right.

I, want to apologize man.
It was all my fault. I'm sorry.

Aside from being stretched between cars and getting shot at,

i guess
it wasn't that bad.

What am i going to do
about ellen, man?

I really liked that girl,
and i think she hates me.

I can't be as smart
as y'all, too.

Well, as smart as you,
anyway.

That's a problem.

Help me, man.

Wait. I got it!
This one could be big.

Man, what?

The knowledge bowl!

What?

Come on.
Come on.

Wait.
Where are you guys going?

Yo, that did it.
What?

Can i hang with y'all?

Yo, man,
this is your boy.

Yeah, sure.
Come on.

You don't know how much
this means to me.

Move out of the way.
Here come my boys.

They're too legit to quit.

You mean to tell me
that you two--

that you're--

that he's really--

that the two of you...

exactly.
Exactly.

Way to go, higgins!

Back to knowledge bowl,
starring skip wankman!

Welcome back.
I'm your host

skip wankman.
And this is, knowledge bowl.

This week,
higgins high school

versus st. Peter's
catholic school for girls.

Ready now
for the lightning round.

In mathematics, dividing
something into two parts,

such the whole segment
is to the larger part

as that part is to the
smaller part is called what?

Higgins. Duncan.

That's the golden section.
The ratio is 1 to 1.618.

That is correct.

Go, higgins!

Which couple were known

for their ironclad catholic
rule over their subjects

and responsible for
the spanish inquisition?

St. Peter's. Jodi.

Ferdinand d'aragon et isabelle de castille.
That's in french, skip.

Thank you.
In 1979 donald johanson discovered lucy in ethiopia.

What species was she?
Duncan!

Skip, that would be australopithecus af-afirensis.

Correct.

On that note, that's the end of
the lightning round.

We have
a tiebreaker question

for an all-expense-paid
vacation for two to hawaii.

But perhaps
more importantly,

a brand-new hardwood floor
for the school gymnasium.

In william shakespeare's
much ado about nothing,

benedict said,

"i will live
in thy heart,

"die in thy lap,

and be buried
in thy eyes."

What was the meaning
of the word "die" as used?

Yes?

Your answer...

please.

To die--the way
he used it--meant....

to die meant to have
a sexual orgasm.

Sexual orgasm.

It means
to pop the--

i'm sorry.

It means to have
a sexual... orgasm.

That is correct!

My boy's a genius!

Thanks once again for
watching knowledge bowl.

I'm your host
the wankster.

I-i-i-i-hawaii!
Hawaii!

Not fair!

You were
absolutely incredible!

I'm so proud!

Thanks, mom.

We love you,
skip.

Congratulations,
ellen.

Congratulations,
rashid.

Listen, ellen.

I'm sorry
for lying to you.

Shakespeare has some
pretty heavy stuff.

Hanging out with these smart kids,
i can deal with--

shut up,
blade brown.

Yo, pinderhughes!

If you ever lie to me again,
i'll kick your ass.

If you don't treat me right,
i'll kick your ass.

And if you don't come here now,
and give me a kiss.

I'll kick your ass.

What was that, dear?

I'm afraid to find out.

Dad!

I-i can explain.

My son! My wonderfully,
wonderful son!

Dad?

Are you two comfortable?
Can i get you anything,

a beverage? Anything at all.

We're kinda in the middle
of something, dad.

Well, sorry. And i hope you got
your jimmy hat on.

* I feel well *

* hey, hey *

whoa!

What was that noise, dear?

Oh, nothing, hon.

Just our son making it with some sexy babe in his room.

Boy,
was she... stacked.

Ahh! I'm just
so proud of him.

Goodnight, hon.

John!

John.

Oh!

So that's how
the story ended.

Blade
became himself again.

He ended up
at hafford...

with some help
from ellen and me.

I hear he majored in
extracurricular activities.

Me--i won the football
scholarship to stanford.

Can i... kick it?

No, you can't.

Here's my side
of the story.

It all started when i was a twinkle in my father's eye.

What are you doing?

Telling my side
of the story.

I already did.
They won't sit through this again.

My story's much better.

It involves sex,
car chases and sex.

Hip-hop and more sex--

it's over.
It's over.

We're outta here.
Fade to black.

* Class act *

* got to get up
got to get up *

* class act *

* got to get up
got to get up *

* class act *

* got to get up
got to get up *

* class act *

* got to get up
got to get up *

* 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
got to kick it live *

* i'm the twee
from the pillypee the sea *

* comin' from the underground
took me to the street *

* chief baller in l.a. *

* 'bout to rock the usa *
* from the fly dope list *

* suckers can't
cope with this *

* straight mack *

* then i'll throw
the suckers out *

* once again, if you
see us in the house *

* try to put me
to the test *

* a class act
was really goin' on *

* i'm so smooth,
ladies call me silky *

* stand so cool that
she call me chilly *

* when i rock a groove
no one gets near me *

* how you figure, nigger,
don't be silly, i'm a *

* class act *

* class act *

* class act *

* class act *

* teacher, teacher, don't
even trip for the grip *

* i gots to do this ain't
nothin' changed, i'm a troop *

* still troop
through this *

* i'm gonna fly
in a pimp land *

* positive image
making progress *

* spin ice is in here
to pit a fall *

* neglecting your bitches *

* gots to let off *

* with 16 in the clip
my pocket's gettin' fatter *

* the penthouse
is a ruthless jive *

* i'm with this *

* class act *

* class act *

* class act *

* class act *

* let's get ready
to rumble *

* let's get ready
to rumble *

* blade brown,
blade brown *

* let's get ready
to rumble *

* blade brown,
blade brown *

* let's get ready
to rumble *

* blade brown,
blade brown *

* let's get ready
to rumble *

* class act
got to get up *

* got to get up *

* class act *

* got to get up
got to get up *

* class act *

* got to get up *

* got to get up *

* class act *

* got to get up *

* got to get up *

bad dude rap!

Tell a friend, homey!