Original subtitles

It's just a meeting to give you information.

You're not committing to anything.

All you're doing is you're here to procure information.

- I'm down. - I don't even know what I'm doing here.

- What if Richard finds out? - Good.

Because I am not planning on getting divorced.

All you're doing is writing her a check. That's all.

And then if you change your mind and it all goes to caca,

Richard won't be able to summon the motherfuckin' Night King

in there.

Don't worry.

You can go in now.

- Thank you. - Mm-hmm.

Sam.

Lenny, Lala,

this is the guy I used to be married to's attorney...

- What? - Eva Braun.

I thought you were taking us to your attorney.

Damn.

Shit.

Now I know you really love me.

- I'm Dee. - Lenny.

- Nice to meet you. - Hi.

- Hi. - This is Dee Willis.

She napalmed my life,

- and she's the best. - Thank you.

So you should both hire her to misery-fuck the souls

of your shitty meat-sack husbands.

You'd be surprised how often I get referrals this way.

- Ladies, come on, sit. - Come on, just...

we're just talking.

So, who wants to go first?

- I'll happily go first, just to break... - Oh, okay.

- ...break the ice. - Mm-hmm.

- So, I'm Lala. - Mm-hmm.

And I want a divorce.

Sync and corrections by btsix www.addic7ed.com

Who has sex less than a married lady?

- Who? - Nobody!

There was just never anything

really that wrong with him, you know?

- Like a lukewarm bath. - Hard, hard,

hard disagree, bro.

I mean, sure, there's nothing right with him, either.

There you go!

It was comfortable, okay?

So kill me.

But just saying everything out loud today,

I feel so excited.

- Yes! - Oh, my God.

Bring on the cold showers.

- Yep. - Mm. Mm.

So, Richard called me last night.

Mm.

We spent, like, an hour just talking about things.

I actually think,

in the long term,

this might be a good thing for us.

A little space.

You think I'm crazy?

Oh, no, no, no, no. No.

We don't think you're crazy, honey.

It's just hard to watch you keep doing this to yourself.

Do what? Care about my marriage?

I mean, since when is there an exact right way to do that?

He's a good dad and he loves me,

and I still love him.

Like I got so many options.

Spitting on 50.

Was I supposed to start dating again?

In L.A.?

Mm.

It's Logan's Run here.

Yeah. And we're the dead people.

Eat pork. Nom, nom, nom.

My sisters are so perfect, I literally want to kill myself.

I want to get my nose done like this.

Sam will never let you.

Bullshit. Girl, she got the hump on her nose shaved down.

- She told me. - Sick.

I want to get my lips done.

Cutie.

You can literally do anything.

Kim Kardashian had a varicose vein on her toe

and got it removed because she said it was so ugly.

Also I'm fat.

If you're fat, then what the fuck am I?

What?

Why would you say that?

N-No, no, I mean me.

You're perfect.

Take it back.

I-I take it back.

I'm not fat.

But... you are perfect.

Shut up.

I know.

I don't want you to move.

Don't.

Maybe it won't happen.

Also...

life is long.

Let's get a selfie.

Wait. Get this for my side account.

Okay. Stand right there.

Yes!

Look what I'm gonna do for you.

Okay.

Whose house is this

gonna be?

Whose house?

Whose house? Jesus.

Wait, how do you...?

"Feisty Ferret Home."

Okay.

"One piece is...

rail F."

But they don't tell you what it is.

Oh. "Top panel."

8B...

Not rail 8, rail F.

But what do you... how do you put 'em?

You don't know, because you don't count, people.

They're all the same part.

Hey, buddy.

Hi!

I know.

But can you come over a little earlier?

Like, an hour...

or two?

I think, uh, you assumed it was the dog or something.

And I was actually...

the one who left that thing on your rug.

Bro...

I know.

This is amends?

Damn.

I don't think I want to hear any more.

Listen,

I saved that for last, okay?

That's it. I think.

At least... that's everything

that I can...

- remember. - Okay.

So...

Oh.

Oh. I go now?

I see.

Okay. Well, then...

I don't...

I didn't know...

uh, what the protocol is,

because I don't attend the meetings, so...

What is required of me, is it... curtsy?

I absolve you of all your shittynesseses.

Poof.

All gone.

It's o...

Okay.

Okay.

You did okay.

Good. All right. Okay.

That's all done. Well,

thank you for helping me do boy things

and hand things.

- Yeah. - Okay.

So, Sunny goes next?

Yeah.

She just texted, and...

she's waiting in the car.

So, is her...

- Is her stuff in that book, too? - That's right.

- Pretty much the whole thing. - Mm-hmm.

Okay.

What can I get you?

I have LaCroix and O'Doul's.

Good, yeah.

Both.

Copy. Copy you.

Okay, you did...

That was...

weird and interesting.

The floor thing, though.

Dad?

What's up, buddy?

Dad?

Spider.

What are you doing?

I found a bottle.

That's cool.

Are you coming to Pine People with us?

Oh. I wish, buddy.

But, look, you're gonna have fun with Auntie Sam tonight, right?

I guess.

I got you tomorrow.

- I know! - Okay.

- All right. - Hey.

- Hi. - Hey, buddy.

You want to go upstairs and get Duke and Pepper?

- Yeah. - Grab 'em, and we'll-we'll go.

- Hello. Hello. - Hi.

- Here you go. Here you go. Okay. - Thank you.

I'm just gonna get the kids and then change really quick.

We're gonna leave.

You guys can have the house all to yourselves.

It's not gonna be awkward.

Everybody's happy. You guys ready to go?

Let's go to the soup.

Uh, I'm sorry when I put laxatives

in your mom's soup.

Oh.

It's anybody's guess. I have no...

Are you serious?

Oh, this one's a doozy.

Doozy.

I'm sorry for the time that I...

Bathroom, bathroom, bathroom.

What?!

No.

I think.

I'm sorry for the time

when you broke your shoulder. Remember that?

And, uh, and then I stole all your Percocet.

Are you fu...

I was in so much pain.

It's probably for the better.

Those things really dehydrate you,

and you wouldn't have been able to take a shit

for a while.

Okay. So, I feel like

we're covering a lot so far. This...

This one is, uh...

It's deeper.

Uh, so, I'm, uh...

I'm s... I'm s...

I'm sorry for the time when I fingered your sister

in the bathroom at your birthday party.

Which one?

Well, I don't... Your 38th,

- I think. I don't... - No, which sister?

- Uh, maybe take it up with her. - You know, it...

- Let's get to the... - Ask her. I probably have

- her contact information. - Go-go to the next one.

Just go to the next one.

And when I told you

I was getting a vasectomy and I didn't,

I'm sorry about that.

Although, you know, I'm not sorry

for Sorrow. I am also sorry

that I stole your brother's identity and tried

- to use it to... - You know you were basically medicated

for our entire relationship, right?

Yeah.

Um, so, I just have a few more, if...

And then what?

Then you're gonna make up for 19 years of asshole bullshit?

You gonna power-wash my driveway, Jeff?

Look, I know I can't make up

for everything, all right?

But I really am willing to-to put the effort in.

How's Reiki?

What?

How's she doing?

She's good. Yeah.

You know, she's fine.

Is it different?

Different?

Fucking someone when you're sober.

Well, I don't-I don't...

I haven't really thought about it like that. I...

But I... guess.

Wow.

We never did a sober bone.

Uh, yeah.

- Oh, my God. - I mean, I was pretty...

pretty faced for a lot of those years.

- Yeah. - But now...

Now what?

Now you're just a good fucking guy or something?

What?

Nothing.

So, how is Mark doing?

He's fine.

Hmm.

And obviously...

You know.

Everything between...

Well, things with us, that would all

be grandfathered in.

Right?

I mean, those are... those are the rules.

We didn't write 'em.

We just...

...play by 'em.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Hmm.

Really?

Yeah.

Hi.

Uh, two pedicures and one manicure.

Ingrown pedicure?

Hi. Hi.

Oh, hi.

You go to Lily.

I'll do you, baby. Come here.

No fair. I never get her.

Ooh, pretty color.

We've been married 17 year.

Make me want to vomit.

Why do you stay married?

Uh, I'm waiting for my baby to go to college.

Then I get rid of my husband.

My son, he a doctor.

My daughter got full ride to UCLA.

My middle daughter is engineering science at U of T.

- Very difficult program. - Yeah, that's amazing.

I can't figure out how to make enough money.

Hey, I come here 15 year old.

Barefoot, pregnant, on a raft.

Like how you see all those people

on the news right now? That was me.

What does that mean?

Those who are diligent in working will prosper.

Then you don't need a man.

What do you do?

Uh, I'm a hostess at a restaurant.

- Ah, that good. You're working. - Yeah.

I do nail.

Make a fortune.

You know, it's not about how you make your money.

It's about how you save your money.

Then hide your money.

- I opened up an IRA account. - Mm.

Yeah, I put ten percent

of every paycheck I make into it.

Ah.

Well, my boss told me to do it.

My sister helped me.

You... No offense to my mom,

but I don't want to be like her.

Like, always worrying

about money and, like, having to work when I'm old.

Mm. That what you do

so you don't depend on anybody

and nobody suck on you.

Ingrown pedicure!

You have smart girl.

- Mm. - She so smart.

And she so pretty, like model.

Aw.

You want massage today? How about waxing?

- Let's do Wizard of Oz treatment. Yeah? - Yes. Yes.

- I want everywhere. - Actually, yes.

- Yes on a wax. - Really, Mom?

You? Serious?

Yeah-huh. I just want to get ahead

of a situation that's happening.

I need a little maintenance.

It's patchy.

And I want to do what a balding guy does.

Just own it and not other people going,

"Uh... Uh..."

I think it's time.

It's a bald spot.

And I want to be brave,

like Jon Cryer was when he finally shaved his head.

It's so funny seeing you get your butt powdered.

Just like the old days.

- Right, baby? - Mom.

Okay, you're done.

It look nice, baby.

What if you need to make a caca?

That's gonna hurt.

Okay, Mama, you're up.

Rethinking.

Oh. Okay.

What do you think?

Do we look alike?

Like mother, like daughter?

Are the gobblers the same?

Oh, my God. Mom.

I'm getting out of here.

- No. - Meet me outside.

- Thank you so much. - No!

- You're welcome, baby. - You have to hold my hand!

What if I need you to put a comb under my tongue?!

Go ahead.

Leave nothing but the bones.

You will look young and pretty.

Oh, thank you very much.

Like 18 again.

Yes.

Oh, can you get me a Mario?

You guys steal mine.

Hello.

Hi, Sam. It's Mal. How are you?

Uh, good.

New phone, though.

Who dis?

Your manager, Mal Martone.

Oh! Ha!

Oh, hi!

Guess what I got you.

- What? - I got you a gig

doing remotes on my client Jessica Barden's show.

She's fabulous.

Yeah, I know her. I just saw her.

She told me about this.

She wants to contact you about it.

It was my idea to put you guys together.

You're both so real.

She has a certain damaged quality to her,

just like you.

I think it's a match made in heaven.

She'll tell you it was her idea, but it was my idea.

- Dave! - Oh. Thank you.

Dave!

Dave!

I am looking for a little boy! He's seven years old!

Okay, what does he look like?

Um, he has short brown hair.

He's skinny. I don't know whether he's outside

- or still in the store. - Okay.

- Uh, what's he wearing? - Uh, shorts

and a yellow striped T-shirt.

- Uh, I'll go this way. - Okay. Okay.

We're gonna find him! Dave?

- Dave? Dave? - Don't worry, we're gonna...

- Dave? - Dave?

Dave?

Dave?

Dave?

Excuse me.

- So sorry. - Have you seen a little boy

in, like, a yellow striped shirt?

Sorry.

- Dave? - Dave?

Oh, thank God.

See?

Ooh!

Yes.

Thank you so much.

We're just glad you found him.

- I was so scared. - Oh, my God. - Scared us.

Take care!

See that?

That's the circle of life right there.

You want to kill yourself when they're gone,

and you want to murder them when you get 'em back.

Excuse me. Thank you.

I'm sorry. Remember us, from before?

This is my-my bag.

My-my actual bag.

We just went... on a manhunt.

Good that everybody...

stayed in line. Mm.

Employees, too.

Stayed at your posts.

Line didn't even move one inch.

Dave is fine, by the way.

He was successfully reunited with his mother.

Not that any of you people care.

Because you're waiting to buy clothing

that was made by tiny children who have yet

to be reunited with their parents,

if ever.

Mom. Shh.

It's fine.

I am so proud of you.

You remember the escape drill.

Childhood training kicks in!

Yeah, you just dropped in.

Know your...

Exits.

Right.

Oh, he wants you to go.

Excuse me, th-these ladies are in front of me.

They're waiting and they're people, too,

and you're ignoring them.

Didn't you think that maybe they can't just

stand here forever at their age?

I'm only 42, for God's sake.

Jesus Christ.

Bro.

Ooh! Hi, guys.

Got you some goodies.

I had a great day today, Mama.

I had a great day, too.

- Hey, I got you food. - Thanks.

Um, okay.

Mm.

What did I get?

Did you do your homework?

Yes, I swear. I'm almost done.

Okay. Okay.

I got you socks, an umbrella,

sunglasses and a flashlight.

Cute.

- Thank you. - You're welcome.

Hey, hey. Give me some sugar.

- Okay. - Mwah. I love you.

- Love you, too. - Where's your sister?

- In her room. - Okay.

Okay.

Oh, Jesus.

Okay.

Come on, guys. You want to go?

You want to go show... Frankie?

Let's go show your sister. Come on.

Let's go upstairs. Let's go upstairs.

Hey, Frankie,

I got you some pressie...

Get... out... Mom!

I'm sorry!

Oh.

Oof.

Oof.

Come in.

Come in!

What?

I...

Mm.

Mom, spit it out.

Getting ready for work.

I-I just was in Frankie-kie's room,

and there's a boy in there.

So what, Mom?

It's not Jason.

I don't know that gentleman caller.

Okay, Mom, it's okay.

He looks old.

Mom, she's the youngest person in her school.

She's trying to fit in.

That's what happens.

Oh, God.

I never should've skipped her.

I thought you said Frankie was a boy.

Mom, I never said that.

Mm.