Original subtitles

Don't lie to me! Why were you looking at her?

You know I care about you.

You all right, bao bao?

Yes, I'm recovering. I don't need any Chinese medicine.

I make you some soup!

Oh, cool.

Yeah, with Chinese yams and ramen.

It's good for you.

And it's good for your skin.

Uh, you know what? I'm doing good for right now.

'Cause I have Amer... I have American stuff, thanks.

What are you watching? "Love Island."

It's episode 48 of 52, season three.

Oh my God... what?

Those people are gutter trash.

Hey! Hey! Wha... wha... Grandma!

You're never gonna get better

by being on the phone all the time.

My life is really hard right now.

Can you give me my phone please?

You wanna hear about a hard life?

Let me tell you a story.

From, like, orally? Like an oral story?

It's the true story

about how your Grandma

met your Grandpa.

Um, do I... I'm good for now, or...

Let's do this!

Oh, oh, no.

Is this gonna be like one of those Korean dramas?

You know it.

What?! That... that's my title card?

Why do you gotta put my title card like that?

Ah! They didn't put my real name!

Wait, wait-wait-wait. That's supposed to be you?

Grandma, you were hot and five-foot-ten?

Yeah, and I'm still hot.

Anyways, the story begins

back on my family's estate in rural China.

It was 1965. My family was wealthy.

So I spent my days doing

what all rich girls like to do in 1965.

Sit under a parasol

and stare at things for a long time.

It was nice to be rich.

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Chen.

You spoke English?

I spoke Chinese,

but I'm translating to make it easier for you.

O... okay.

Life was good, until one day

our garbage man...

...dropped dead.

Oh, shit!

Oh, it's okay.

Because he was immediately replaced by...

♪ Ooh... ♪

Garbage Boy.

♪ Oh yeah ♪

♪ I'm cryin' out to you ♪

♪ Baby ♪

Oh, my God, that is literally so fucking gross right now.

No! Garbage Boy was so hot.

All I wanted was to get his attention.

♪ Now, pretty baby, ooh ♪

♪ Tell me ♪

♪ Do you like what you see? 'Cause you know... ♪

You done with that milk?

I am now.

There's still a bit left.

♪ Something's coming over me ♪

♪ Is it love? ♪

Beautiful watch...

...for a beautiful girl. This old thing?

It's a family heirloom, I just...

And just like that, he took my breath away.

I knew right then that I needed to be with that boy.

The kid that chugs your old milk?

Oh, you sound like my mother.

She completely disapproved of me dating Garbage Boy.

I don't wanna be with a rich boy.

Garbage Boy is not trash!

Milk doesn't even expire.

But my mother's disapproval only made me want him more.

Garbage Boy and I exchanged notes in secret.

One day, I was able to sneak away for just long enough.

That's a whole lotta lip there, Grandma.

Yes, we didn't use tongue

because it wasn't of the era.

So then y'all smashed, Had a couple babies.

Here I am now, um... I gotta check my Weibo.

Hey! This story's not over!

Things were going really well.

Until 1966.

It was the start of the Cultural Revolution.

A time when rich people and intellectuals were forced

by the government to destroy any sign of wealth and status.

Even though my family was wealthy and therefore targets,

I still had other things on my mind.

What up, girl?

It me, Shu Shu.

Shu Shu.

You mean, Shu Shu, Shu Shu?

The one who couldn't go to Atlantic City?

Yeah, my best friend from China.

We told each other everything.

Hello, Best Friend Shu Shu.

Sorry for the wide smile.

I'm just... so in love.

Oh, really? With who?

The boy who takes out our garbage.

Garbage Boy. Oh, Garbage Boy.

He is fine. Saw him rip apart

a cardboard box once. No scissors, shit was sick.

Anyway, enough about me. How are you, Shu Shu?

I'm in love, too. With who?

Mao Zedong.

Chairman Mao? Was he hot?

Shu Shu thought so.

Chairman Mao's so smart.

He's got this awesome place out in the countryside

called the village. Hmm.

We're all going to be, like...

joining the working class, working the fields.

It'll be rustic AF, bitch.

I don't know, I don't really like fields.

You know, and the rows of plants really freak me out.

Besides, the love of my life is here.

Fine. Suit yourself.

More rural "D" for me.

Things would only get more complicated from there.

My neighbors, the Chens, were caught with valuables.

So the Red Guard, Mao's law enforcers

made them leave the city to work in the countryside

which meant we had to throw away all our valuables.

- Everything? - Everything!

Even the expensive China that was in our family for generations.

My parents didn't want to show any signs of our wealth.

Otherwise, we'd be forced to go to the deep countryside.

Work on a farm.

Like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie did on "The Simple Life?"

Yeah! Just like that!

I didn't want to do it, but we had to.

I just figured with more trash, comes more garbage.

And with more garbage comes Garbage Boy.

But still, we couldn't avoid the Red Guard.

Is that a valuable wrist watch?

No, no it's not. Destroy it at once!

You can't. Please, this is the one...

This is the one Garbage Boy complimented...

And that wasn't the worst part.

My refusal to immediately give up the watch

was considered an act of defiance.

We were now targets of Chairman Mao.

We needed to flee.

No, I can't!

Garbage Boy.

My parents paid a local smuggler

for safe passage to Hong Kong.

And from there, we travelled to America.

And we had to leave right away.

But I couldn't go without telling Garbage Boy.

Wait! Wait-wait-wait!

So you left and you never talked to him?!

Did you get his number?

Shh! Just listen.

What happens next?

Well...

I met a new man...

...in America.

What?!

I finally made it to New York City.

I forged a nursing degree and soon had a job

at Flushing West Hospital where I made friends

with other renowned immigrants.

Another one bites the dust.

What?

Another eligible bachelor, married.

Reading the wedding announcements again?

Of course! A girl's got to find

a man and a green card somehow.

I was a diplomat in Haiti.

I can't even get a second date here.

America is crazy.

He's a mailman. Spending that much money?

In Puerto Rico, he's what we call

a squash that is showing off.

Probably because he has a very small squash, hey?

How about you, Young Grandma?

Is there anyone you've been eyeing?

No, not really.

And then I saw him.

♪ Let's do this for real ♪

♪ I know you wanna feel, baby ♪

♪ Wanna take you off the grill ♪

♪ Take for the chill ♪

♪ Do this thing for real ♪

Doc Hottie.

It's very unsanitary. Yeah.

But Grandma liked it.

Over the next few weeks,

Doc Hottie and I were inseparable.

He had everything I could have wanted.

Money, cars, charm.

It was the American Dream.

Grandma, what kind of... what kind of effects are these?

It's a K Drama. We don't have the budget.

Who... who is we?

Everything was going splendidly... until...

Babe, aren't you gonna pick up your trash?

Oh, don't worry about it, babe.

Someone will pick it up, come on.

Babe... babe.

Babe? Babe?

Look at me. Ice cream's melting. Come on, babe.

Look out.

Oh, God, no!

A piano fell on his head? That didn't happen.

It's real. Did Doc Hottie die?

No, but something even worse happened.

What? He survived.

Sweetie.

Please don't be ugly. Please don't be ugly.

Oh, thank God.

Who are you?

It's me.

Your girlfriend, Young Grandma.

I don't... I don't know why you are.

Doc Hottie had amnesia.

Oh, my God!

But all your piggyback rides? Viewing the State of Liberty?

I know. It was horrible.

I just wanted to get home and cry forever.

58th and Main, please.

Right the way, ma'am.

Garbage Boy?!

What? He's in America now?

But I thought your note flew away?

Oh, it did. But it must've been fate.

Or because the local smuggler

always brought people into Queens first.

Garbage Boy and I started talking

like no time had passed.

It was magical.

We ended up spending the whole night together.

Doing what?

- Just holding hands. - No!

We threaded our fingers,

then moonwalked across each other's palms.

We scissored so slowly.

I did the "farting rocket into the hole."

We slapped each other's hands till they were raw.

Up and down and up and down.

Oh, Lord, Lord, he blew my mind!

Grandma! You don't have to...

I don't need to see... Grandma, stop!

It was a wonderful night.

I couldn't wait to tell my friends.

Oh, that is so romantic.

I'm so happy for you. What was his name again?

Garbage Boy.

Wait. Garbage Boy.

I have heard that name.

Oh! He is getting... married!

Oh, hell no!

What'd you do with that man slut Garbage Boy?

I mean, how did you get past that

It was a dark time in my life.

My only happiness was in this new hip flavor,

Diet Neapolitan.

I couldn't stop thinking about Garbage Boy.

Everywhere I looked, there he was.

And he called every day.

You didn't answer it, though, right, Grandma?

'Cause... 'cause fuck that dude, right?

Exactly. Fuck that dude.

But I'll admit, he was persistent.

I said I didn't...

Young Grandma. Doc Hottie.

My memory's back. I'm cured of my amnesia.

I remember our love. I remember everything.

Let's get married.

What? How many goddamn plot twists you got in this story, Grandma?

You've been through a lot.

Weeping because of my amnesia.

You don't have to give me an answer now.

I'm going to the hospital.

They're letting me do surgery again.

This new procedure called... kidney transplant.

Oh.

Find me when you're ready.

Wow. So... so you said yes, right?

I didn't know what to do.

Doc Hottie wanted to marry me,

but I couldn't stop thinking about Garbage Boy.

And Camren and Lehana were no help.

Garbage Boy's the love of your life.

You can stop his wedding.

Ah, but Doc Hottie will hook you up.

He's rich. Your parents adore him.

It's a no brainer. Marry him.

I was lost.

Until guess who walked through the door.

What up? What?!

It me, Shu Shu.

In America!

Doop doop boop boop!

Boop!

How did Shu Shu get there?

It was a crazy story.

So, I stayed in China and ended up in the countryside.

But I quickly learned that I did not belong there.

The work was hard. I did not like manual labor.

And there were so many bugs.

One, I got caught in a mudslide and was washed away.

Even though I still loved Chairman Mao,

I decided that I needed to get out of China.

So I swam to Hong Kong.

Almost getting eating by sharks along the way.

Nooo!

And then I made it to New York.

So, that's my update. What about you?

I told Shu Shu everything about Doc Hottie and Garbage Boy,

except I didn't have puppets, so my story was way more boring.

So what do I do?

We did not come to this country to settle.

I got washed in a mudslide

and fought 75 sharks to get here.

You are too hot and too smart

to be anything less than the Plan "A" bitch you are.

Yeah. So what do you want?

Love. Then go...

...get...

...it.

You're right.

I'm gonna get what I want.

Wait, so who are you gonna choose?

Doctor Dick or Garbage Dick?

Either way, get that nasty shit, girl!

Doc Hottie.

You came. I knew you would.

Actually, I came be to give you this.

Uh...

Uh...

Why? I think you're wonderful.

And a doctor and for all the reasons why I should love you.

I'm just in love with someone else.

But... Sorry.

No. I'm so sorry.

Young Grandma... Young Grandma!

Stop the wedding.

Young Grandma.

Ohh!

It's not what it looks like.

Oh, thank God. She's my sister.

What?! That's fuckin' gross.

It's not what it is sounds like.

My sister was sponsored to come to the States

by the Lao family here.

They were only allowed to sponsor their own family, though,

so she lived here as their daughter.

She even took on their last name.

Then in order for me to come over,

we were to be married.

The marriage is just for citizenship, though.

We're divorced immediately

and then we'll be free to live our lives.

Wow, that sounds like a really weird loophole.

I know, but it's true. It's why I've been calling.

Ever since that night, I've been trying to explain.

Mmm-mm-mm, no!

What could he possibly say to make this okay?

Hold on.

I've been meaning to give this back to you.

Ohh! It's my watch.

But it was completely trashed.

Not all trash is garbage.

Oh, hell yeah, Garbage Boy!

After the Red Guard threw it away,

I spent years fixing it.

I knew that... I had to get it back to you.

Where it belonged.

A beautiful watch for a beautiful girl.

Go marry your sister.

I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Lin.

Garbage Boy was Grandpa?

This was taken on my wedding day.

Oh, wow.

You know, I thought my life was hard.

Well, life can be hard, but it's much easier

when you have something you love.

Yeah.

All right, time for bed.

And here.

For being such a good listener,

you can have your phone back.

I... I'm feeling I don't even need my phone.

You know, that was a riveting tale.

I love you, Grandma.

Good night, bao bao. I love you too.

♪ What up, y'all? It me, Shu Shu ♪

♪ Here's a little bit of old school for ya ♪

♪ It goes a little something like this ♪

♪ I always try to be the flyest chick on the block ♪

♪ The best communist with the cattle stock ♪

♪ So that's when I had this bright idea ♪

♪ Hit the farm for a month, no, the farm for a year ♪

♪ The farm is lit 'cause the party's here ♪

♪ Making it rain like Chinese New Year ♪

♪ Walking around like "Who's that woman?" ♪

♪ Everybody do it like Shu Shu can ♪

♪ First on the farm. You know that's me ♪

♪ But then a mudslide like a freaking movie ♪

♪ Wait, there are bugs now biting my head ♪

♪ Then I knew this ain't cool, so this is what I said ♪

♪ People, this is hella work ♪

♪ Anyone got a plow? ♪

♪ Shit, I really gotta leave ♪

♪ What, huh, say it again ♪

♪ Na na na na hey ♪

♪ Na na na na oh ♪

♪ Come on, here I go, ha ha, I'm over this ♪

♪ Na na na na ♪

♪ Na na na na ♪

♪ Na ♪♪

Who the is Awkwafina?