Original subtitles

An Old Egyptian poem goes as follows: "Nile,

Nile, Nile, impetuous and turbulent river

you are like our queen, the source of life.

ASTERIX AND CLEOPATRA

Our story begins in the a distant past, "at" Alexandria,

or "in" Alexandria, both are possible...

in Egypt, at the palace the queen of queens.

The legendary and delicate Cleopatra.

Enough!

I'm just saying, culturally speaking Egypt isn't all that great...

Oh, there "was" a golden age, of course!

I'm simply saying, "today" your people are decadent.

And that Egypt is merely a province of Rome.

- A "province"? - Oh, yes.

Until further notice, o Caesar..

it's wasn't the Romans who built the pyramids.

-Those pointy things? -And the sphinx?

And the lighthouse of Pharos?

What's that, chopped liver?

Not exactly recent.

Wether it's yesterday or today,

my people are the greatest of all.

Your people ?! First of all, you're Greek.

As for "Native" Egyptians, I've seen better, excuse me!

Enough!

I can prove to you, anytime, o Caesar...

that my Egyptian people have kept their ingenuity.

How? By drawing stick-figures in profile?

No, by building you a palace, for example.

No thanks, I have all the palaces I need in Rome.

You'll have another in Alexandria.

So when you visit the "province"..

you'll have a place to sleep.

The differnce being, it will be much bigger...

and more sumptuous than any palace you've ever had.

Bigger than "Caesar's Palace"?

I'd like to see that.

You will see!

Rome wasn't built in a day.

When will I see this wonder?

In three centuries?

In three months.

- Three months? - Three months?

- Three... - months?

In 3 months, to the day, you'll have your palace.

I've never heard of construction finishing on time.

But fine, I'll take the bet.

If you make it, I'll publicly admit..

that your people is still great.

But I doubt it.

Nya, nya doubt it!

See you in three months !

He's so exasperating, that Caesar !

Oh no ! Why have you laid the tiles?

Should've laid the water pipes, first.

we'll have to break it all up again.

I'm not an architect, I'm a tiler.

They say "tile" - I tile.

-What's that door up there ? -Ah, no idea.

Ask Edifis, the architect.

-Architects !

Architects and cart wrights are the crookedest incompentent...

Paininthecoccix!

Edifis !

I'm happy so to see you.

- How are you? - Bad!

What's the problem?

-The door in the ceiling? -That?

I'm thinking ahead !

If you want to add a 2nd floor..

..paf! there's your access door!

And these tiles. Beautiful, huh? You, come see!

- Are they beautiful or what? - Magnifique ! - Magnifique !

Paininthecoccix, trust me.

I'm no cart-wright.

You're worse !

You're months behind..

Ignoring the plans.

Watch it Edifis!

I have connections who could do you a lot of harm.

People "of" power.

Better if they were "of" Alexandria.

Architect Edifis?

No.. er, that depends. What's it about?

I was making a joke on "of" see...

the people "of" power and people "of" Alexandria...

Oh ! No need to push !

Come, kiddy-kiddies, come. Up, up, wake up. Breakfast!

Cineplexis...

What's that?

Lovendpeas...

Serge...

Artifis, change the croc's water. It stinks !

I don't smell anything...

I put in the waste drainage as always.

That's your problem Artifis.

You always do "as always".

That's how it's always been done.

The floor is weird. It' not palpable.

Where is it?

'Morning.

Edifis, is Egypt the most powerful empire in the world?

Yes, ma'am. No empire with more power, in the world.

'Course, I don't know everyone in the world. But, in my opinion..

The Romans and Caesar doubt this.

I'm going to show him what we can do.

Ok.

I'm building him the most magnificent of palaces.

Ok

And you, Edifis, will be the architect.

Ok.

Me ? The architect. Meaning?

So I'll have to architectify the whole..

All my architects are busy.

No, I'm not busy.

He, he, he's not busy.

Edifis, you're the only one available.

It's just.. I have no time. I have to finish Paininthecoccix' site.

The problem with the tiles, not a big deal but anyway...

My Queen, as your architect..

permit me offer you my services.

As soon as I change the crocs' water I could..

No, Artifis, you're good, but a bit too classic.

Classic... meaning?

I want a fresh eye on this site, a young vision.

But... you can help Edifis. Find him the land.

Land?

As you wish.

Go, Edifis, build it ! You've got 3 months.

3 months? With how much overrun margin?

Because in 3 months, you can have the plans. If I see to it myself

Then the foundations, three times four, nine...

Three months, that's...

Seems not doable, ma'am.

Edifis! You have 3 months, to the day.

Start the clock!

If you succeed, I'll cover you with gold.

If you fail,

I'll throw you to the crocodiles.

Where's the little lamb?

They ate the little lamb?

That should be ME building that palace.

It's not, Cleopatra, nor the rain..

nor the hail nor the locusts..

but "ME", who is your worst nightmare, in Egypt

17, 18, 19, 20, 21...

474, 475, 476, 477... Boss!

Boss! I rushed over...

Look, I was thinking of some sort of machine...

that would enable us reach the top of the pyramids.

- Otis, can we do this later? - Yeah.

- What are you counting, boss? - I'm measuring.

Cleopatra asked me to build a palace for Caesar.

Here, on this site.

From there... to there.

That would be some palace.

She wants it to be modern and daring.

That works out great, boss !

Will you just stop counting,

We pay surveyors for that.

No time, Otis. We've got 3 months to finish.

How much overrun?

None, Otis! We've got 3 months..

..not a day more!

- Impossible. - Clearly !

Still, working under pressure

could be interesting.

It's not pressure,

it's plain suicide!

If I fail, Cleopatra will throw me to the crocodiles.

I saw them.. crocodiles eat fast!

3 month isn't enough time to install my machine.

Otis ! Did you hear what I said?

Or did you NOT hear what I said?

Yes, yes.

Excuse me for making a scene

but I may end up in a crocodile !

Three months. Starting when?

It's started.

Just for the gardens, It takes years!

Gotta start from scratch.

There's not even the basics.

We'd need magic powers.

We'd need to be wizards, Gods !

Yes. Exactly!

We would need magic powers !

Yes. Not good news, but that's it.

When I was little...

dad often told me the story..

of this droid - Geta-Gastronomix.

Gastritix...

Something ending in ix?

Pickupstix?

It starts with Gest... ends in ininekix.

How about Rockymountaintix.

A droid.

A Gaulish droid

with a secret magic potion

that gives superhuman strength.

Oh, what strength!

With that potion..

we'll build it just like that!

In no time! And I won't go to the crocodiles.

Imhotep ! I didn't think it'd be so easy.

Suddenly I'm free !

Boss...

magic potions don't exist.

Only in the funny papyrus for children.

But, in the real world..

Get all the workers you can!

Start them on the foundations, there!

There - a wide avenue full of statues,

called: "The Wide Avenue Full Of Statues"

There! - the gardens,

with olive arcades and orangeades, weeping willows, Bruce Willows.

And there - the palace, luxurious, magnificent, ornate.

With a huge court

full of dancing girls, who can dance

And just there - a little geranium.

Yes, it'll be nice.

It'll be "really" nice, even.

- You have to use your imagination! - Of course.

- I'm off! See you in a month. - In a month?

Maximum! Time to find Trailmix and come back.

Hyah ! Cannabis.

Giddyup, Cannabis!

Let's go!

You're not giddying up, Cannabis.

Move it! Let's go! Giddyup!

Where does that Re-mix live?

Lives up north. Way up north.

Go, Cannabis. Gallop ! Gelondang ! Gelondang !

The year is 50 B.C.

All of Gaul is occupied by the Romans. All? Well, no...

One small village of invincible Gauls still holds out against the invaders.

And life is not easy for the Roman legionaries garrisoned at the fortified camps of

Totorum, Aquarium, Laudanum and Compendium.

En garde, Gaul. Defend yourself!

Be right with you.

- What was that? - You're new here?

Yes, we've just been transferred.

Ah, that's why! This potion, is a magic potion...

...made by our druid Which multiplies our strength.

See for yourself.

Pornoflix! Pornoflixme!

What kind of a country is this?

Incredible! It's at least 8000 below!

I don't need to drink it,

I fell in it when I was little.

which gives me, naturally, considerable strength.

Look.

Nice, huh?

Hello. You know where the Gaulish village is?

From right here, you follow the punches..

..usually they're at the other end.

I won't go with you. You don't mind?

I'll stay here. I'm going to think a little.

These Romans are good!

They fly better than the others, I think

Must be their new helmets.

Makes them more aerodynamic.

Listen...

Landing's still a bit heavy.

Excuse me, are you Asterixme?

"Rix", Asterix. And this is Obelix.

And the little dog is Dogmatix.

Do you know Takeyourpix? He's a droid.

Getafix, excuse me for disturbing your work..

..someone to see you.

- Who?

- It's me!

He obviously doesn't know you.

I.. I'm Edifis.

Son of your old friend, Edharris.

What a pleasant surprise !

You must be frozen, if you've come all the way from Alexandria !

"I am, my dear friend, very happy to see you."

That's an Alexandrine alright!

Come warm yourself.

That's the magic potion?

No, chestnut soup.

No!

I can't sell you any potion, Edifis.

Not all of it. One cauldron.

No.

It's the principle, he won't budge.

A small cauldron.

No.

-A gourd ? -No.

A gourdinette ?

No.

A bowl. A bowlinette ?

That's a small bowl-, that's all.

The secret is passed on from druid to druid.

Never for commercial purposes!

A bowlinette, is nothing!

I'm sorry, Edifis.

Ok then.

You were my only hope.

My last straw to grasp at, to stay alive.

But I understand.

You have other worries.

Caesar, the Romans...

Who I'm not fond of, anyway.

Maybe I'm going to die...

..but it was nice knowing you.

Gentlemen...

Midifix...

What ?!

Edifis, wait !

I planned to consult some manuscripts..

..in Alexandria's library.

I can't promise anything..

..but I'll come with you.

Thanks! Thanks a lot, Mortaranbrix! Thanks!

My ship's waiting offshore.

Plenty of room for everyone.

No time to lose.

Let's go, Dogmatix!

You're not taking him are you?

257,1 Why not?

He's too small for such a big trip.

Anyway, Egypt is the land of cats!

Go, pack your bags..

..and don't talk about it anymore.

"Don't talk about it..." Ha! "Don't talk about it..."

Sissou! Ahamou!

So under the icy winds of winter, onboard of the Napadelis...

.. begins the long journey to Egypt, land of Ra, the Sun God.

The legendary Cleopatra's kingdom would soon welcome...

..Asterix, Obelix and Getafix

-Woof ! And Dogmatix?

What?..

Woof !

I'm barking.

I'm not allowed talk anymore, so I bark.

Woof!

Fine, you win!

Take him out, before he suffocates.

There's nothing in the sack!

Nothing? No?!

Ooh !

Ooh ! There he is !

Such a smart dog ! My baby.

How nice! He wanted to be with me.

He got in all by himself.

Yes we were just saying...

...three months is a little short.

Specially when Artifis is a real hyena.

Do you know what a hyena is?

He's just like that!

Hates me to death and he's full of talents.

Gifted, is he?

No, he's rich.

Full of gold talents.

The talent is Egyptian currency.

In Gaul it's not the most talented who are the richest.

Anything else to fear?

Off-hand, no.

Red Beard! Red Beard! Red Beard! Red Beard!

Boys, last time by bad luck

we ran into those Gauls..

..stuffed with magic potion,

and their mastiff!

Outnumbered by 2

we had no option but to..

Run.

No, not really.

We had to debark..

..precipitously, let's say.

By swimming in freezing water.

No, it was warm!

It was ice cold!

Alright!

So.. to prevent any trouble,

avoid Gaulish ships.

But for any others,..

.. no pity!

Yeah!

Ship to starboard!

-Yaaaah !

Ready to board, daddy. Hoist the artemuses !

Calm down, my girl.

Besides "Hoist the artemuses" doesn't make any sense.

That's what I thought.

How many ships, Baba?

Just one, Captain.

Looks like a small one from here.

Egyptian, Captain.

Egyptian!

Egyptian. That's good.

This will get us back on track.

"Ipso facto et manu militari".

Tripod ?

Man your posts!

Bosco, Double-Rhum Gambler, hoist the marinades!

Rackham, Worley, Skull, baffle the storks.

Boaaaard'em!

I'm the king of the world!

Pirates !

Help, pirates!

Look, pirates !

Quick, we have to get out of here !

Ah ! The pirates.

-Ha haaa !

Yoo hoo !

It's us!

Nooo !

The G.. The Ga.. The Gau..

The Gauls!

This can't be happening.

-Ha, ha, ha !

Is there an axe here? Watch out. Pardon me.

Hey, easy down there!

What are they doing?

Na, na, na !

Cheaters! sore losers!

That's just not right.

That's it, sink it yourselves!

Seems they know what they're in for.

They're old friends.

We often go to the sea together.

You see, the abyss calls to the abyss.

Abyssus abyssum invocat.

Enough with the Latin quotes, OK?

What's that light on the horizon, Edifis?

The lights of Alexandria.*

Wrecked the butterflies of my youth.*

I don't know why I just said that.

I'm hungry.

We'll be in Alexandria in the morning.

That's the tower of Pharos,

Whose fire is a beacon to all ships.

A beacon for ships !

These Egyptians are crazy !

One of the 7 wonders of the world.

Imagine, the biggest building in Rome,..

Anyway, I'm hungrier than a barracuda.

Ba-rra-cu-da...

You wanted to see me, Edifis?

My Queen, the palace is getting along

but the time is much too short.

So I asked some Gaulish friends,

a powerful wizard and 2 warriors..

..to aid me with my task.

I'm here to ask your accordance

to accordify me all your aidance

"aidance" as in "help"

339,1 not as in "Hey dance!"

I wouldn't dare.

Get anyone you want.

-Grrr !

Finish the palace on time.

That's all I ask.

Caesar mocks me every day.

I can't afford to lose face.

He is "all" arrogance.

"all !"

"all !"

Ti amo (Umberto Tozzi)

If you finish in time

There's gold for everyone.

I'd like that.

Otherwise, the crocodiles.

I wouldn't like that.

Ah !

Now go!

He's cute with that moustache.

A little old.

-No, the other one. -No, too fat.

You doing this on purpose?

Seems like she has a nasty disposition,

but a lovely nose.

-She'll feed me to the crocodiles. -Very lovely.

A little upturned,

with a little braid on the side.

She throws me to the crocodiles

and he moons over her nose.

You think crocodiles taste good?

Can't you show a little interest in my problem ?

-Oh !

A big ant.

-Istou !

-Istou !

-Istou !

-Istou !

What a crowd!

Brings to mind the biannual beef expo,

at the "salon du boeuf" in Lutetia,

where they display all the new..

..breeds of cattle. It's wonderful!

Huge, huge, huge, show!

Which kind of cows do you have?

Bit of a mess, but it's coming along..

..touch wood.

Still so much work to be done!

And only 2 months left.

By the way, about the magic potion.

When we were back in Gaulery..

you said "no worries, I'll give you..

..plenty of potion". What I wanna know..

No, I said I'd see what I could do.

How's that?!

Where did you get all that sand?

-It was already here, Ob�lix ! -Ah

All those stones, there that's Niloise by the Nile Express.

I think it's very violent to whip slaves.

They're not slaves. They're skilled tradesmen..

..who ply their trade voluntarily and remunerated, too.

And those whips are for decoration? No.. eh..

Yes... I don't know. No one's complained so far.

- "Istou"? - Probably means "go on".

That's the signal for the soup.

No. Actually they're relieving the whippers.

You see, tradition calls for an exchange of hair.

There, the whipper becomes a puller..

..and the puller, a whipper.

Now they're bonded by hair.

Yes, it's a different culture, hm?

Asterix, remember that menhir

I threw at Caius Bonus?

It must have weighed as much as

that skid of stones, d'you think?

You should ask him.

He's best positioned to answer. -Ha, ha, ha !

It's a different culture!

Another bill!

I hate administrative papyrus-work!

Otis, my scribe.

He's the one who scribes everything.

Imhotep to you !

Scribe, is that a comfortable position

You know, I don't think there are good or bad positions.

If I have to summarize my life, I'd say it's mostly chance encounters.

people who offered me a helping hand, perhaps at a time when I couldn't or I was all alone.

It's rather strange to tell oneself that chance forges fate

because when you have a taste for the genuine article once you have a taste for the thing done right - The "beau geste".

it's sometimes hard to find a sounding board. Let's call it..

The mirror that helps you forward.

But not in my case, because as I was saying I've been able to,

and I thank life, I sing life, I dance life. All I am is love...

When a lot of people ask me "how do you manage to have such humanity?"

Well I answer them simply, I tell them it's the appetite for love.

this appetite which led me here today to undertake a mechanical construction

But tomorrow, who knows, might lead me to community service,

to give back a gift, the gift of oneself.

- What's for lunch? - Lentils, as usual.

I'll be back.

On this site Caesar's Palace will soon be erected.

To be finished in 58 days.

What are you looking for?

I've lost my lentil.

Workers

Workers.

Comrades.

Have we gone back to the days of the pharaohs?

Slaving away ? Under the whip ?

And for whom?

For Caesar...!

Let him build his palace in Rome!

Everyone look after his own and..

the hippos will take care of themselves.

That's true !

Ippa kuhhupu irrutchenne itchennemmi hautchench!..

Yeaah !

Comrades, you are being exploited.

They're killing you with work and..

..frankly..

There!

He's right !

And there two monumental statues of Cleopatra and Caesar.

Not too monumental, though.

15 meters high - no more.

And right beside the sphinxes,

a big fully equipped kitchen.

Next to the bedrooms, maybe not ideal.

Because of the noise and odour?

Some find it annoying.

Didn't think about that.

What are these big grapes?

They're dates, Obelix.

They grow on those trees, there.

Crunchy n the middle.

That's the stone.

Not bad !

Hey ! Lunchtime's over. Get to work!

All I.. all I said was that lunch break was over.

Unfair! Unfair!

- Please? - Yes ?

Unfair! Unfair!

We refuse to work any longer. Out of the question, in these conditions !

- It's intolerable ! - Unfair! Unfair!

Calm down, calm down. Hup, up, up, up !..

- Unfair! - Oh, oh !

Who's in charge?

Choose someone to communicate with me.

Ok fine.

I'll be the voice of my comrades and pass on the message.

-I'm Itineris.

-I'm listening.

You have "two" new messages.

First: we're working more than 18 hours a day - that's 36 hours in 2 days.

We want it lowered to 35 hours.

That'll never work. It'll cause a heap problems.

Secondly, sorry for interrupting you...

we demand a decrease of at least 50%.

An increase you mean.

No.

we demand a decrease in the number of whiplashes.

We get too many whiplashes.

Some comrades get terrible headaches from all the whiplashing about.

Their head is ready to burst.

While we're at it; concerning meals,

what if we added a boar to the lentils .. or 2, let's say. -Ob�lix !

No if I lower the whiplashes, you'll work slower.

Then the palace won't be on time,

and I'm off to the crocodiles!

Enough, Edifis. Itineris is right..

not to allow that.

I'm sure they'd be happy with wild boar.

It's Ready.

No, Ob�lix not you. You fell in when you were little.

Fine ! Come on, Dogmatix.

Give them a little demonstration, Asterix.

Be careful, I might have over done it.

It's a little too strong? No, it's just fine.

Dogmatix, beg!

Beg!

Ob�...!

Sit!

Ah ! It's a miracle...

Great ! Is there enough for everyone?

I'll make some more.

No, Obelix, you fell in the cauldron when you were little.

Oh, alright!

Ouaaah !

I feel good !(James Brown: I got you)

No! Obelix, no.

-I think I'm a good , now !

-So good !

-Oh ! Hisse ! Oh ! Hisse ! -Oh ! Hisse ! Oh ! Hisse !

Hohis. That's his name.

Hoist?

No, Hohis. Like "Ho, hisse la saucisse!"

Ah ! Nexusis !

What can I bring you?

-I'll have an Imhotep. -Two.

I want you to take care of a little thing for me.

No problem boss. Who do I have to kill?

No one! We're not killing anyone!

Here's two Imhoteps

Wer'e going to stop construction of the palace.

They're waiting for stones from the south, by Nile.

Make sure the stones don't arrive on the worksite.

No stones - no construction.

No construction - no palace.

No palace...

...no palace.

Here's some gold to fix it.

If it's too much, bring me the change.

Devi� t�t�k�

Nice dress !

I came, I saw, I conquered. Veni, vidi, vici.

Engrave the usual stuff. and sign:

Caesar !

-"Caesar" .. or C�sar ?

Oh well, C�sar. It sounded cool, but

Would you engrave 4 plates?

Ave Caesar. Power and prosperity..

Power and prosperity, Caius C+. What's the good news?

I came, I saw, I conquered.

Veni, vidi, vici, as usual? Hm?

Veni and vidi are fine.

The vici is a little premature.

Meaning?

Gaul for example...

What about Gaul?

Gaul is vici. All Gaul is occupied.

All ? no ! One small village of Gauls still holds out...

...against the invaders, I know.

I've heard it all before.

Fine. How ahout Cleopatra? They stopped construction?

That's just it you see,

it's going not too badly.

It's amazing. They even put .. inside...

-No ! -Excuse me.

Don't touch my...

A this rate they'll meet the deadline.

Impossible.

Apparently "impossible" is not a Gaulish word.

Edifis got 3 of them to help him.

one of them is a druid named THiX.

Getafix?

Yes, I knew it sounded like that.

Also a little clever one and a big brute: Highkix and Journalduhix.

Or Malcolm-ix.

Keep an eye on them for now. I'll decide later what to do.

Si vis pacem, para bellum. If you want peace, prepare for war.

The little Gaul has a name like a hero: Joemannix (Brucewillix.)

In the mean time, the ruthless Nexusis...

..sent by the foul Artifis, is completing his mission:

Cutting off the supply of stones

by bribing the vile and venal convoy supervisor.

There the buildings can form a "C", as in Cleopatra.

It's Caesar's palace.

-That works too. -How's that?

They say the stones have arrived.

Yutterretche ennenne neku igua tata tatchau !

Nene rem rasset yafftet

Udj�n�, u.. u.. udj..

The supervisor says there are no more stones in the quarries.

Djobi, djoba (Gipsy Kings) -Nice language. -He says he wants to be paid.

-He's lying. -No, he really wants to be paid.

No, about the quarries. I'm sure there are tons stones.

I could make him talk, if you want. Can I?

Ok. But don't overdo it, He needs to be able to talk.

How do you say "talk"?

If it's in the sense of I don't speak Egyptian very well"...

...it's "medou ene ere comete".

If it's "talk a little slower", it's "medou ere keteb".

"Medou ere keteb". No, "ketebece".

"Ketebece". "Keteb". "Ketebece", when there's at least 8 people.

"Ketebece". No, not "ketebece".

No one will understand you. I'm right.

"Keteb" open, "keteb" generous.

"Say!"

"Ouchebe".

"Ouchebe".

No? Not "ouchebe"?

No, Obelix, not so hard.

- He says Artifis paid him to throw the stones into the Nile. - I knew it

He says there are still plenty of stones in the quarry.. plenty!

- Ai... Ai... He says... - Yes, ai, I understood that part.

He says "ai" because he's pain. I'm in pain.

Not the moustache. Not the moustache.

He's finished.

We'll go get the stones with him. Safer that way.

I'll stay here to keep an eye on things. Otis will accompany you to...

Yes, to...

Here. Amulets.

They'll protect you from bad luck.

Thanks.

Amsterisque. Rix.

Risqume. Yes, rix...

-Risqume. -Mmmh...

The fate of all Egypt is in your hands.

Aren't you overdoing it a bit?

-M, my fate is in your hands? -Better, better!

-Go, Amsteriiiiksm! -Rix.

Riiiksm!

So our Gaulish friends guided by Otis ...

...are off to the quarries to fill up with stones.

Say, Obelix! What a strange noise your dromedary is making!

It's not my dromedary, it's my stomach!

While I pack up the boat, You can visit the sphinx.

I' sure that nearby it's teeming with delightful little restaurants.

Where you can regale your tastebuds with: croquettes, brochettes,..

...steamed fish, meats in sauce.

-(Ob�lix) I knew it, nothing to eat.

-(Ast�rix) Nice, those little sphinxes.

I could make little menhir-souvenirs like that.

-Sphinx? -No thanks I make my own.

-Sphinx? -No, thanks.

-Kore te watto ? Takai dessho ne? - Mane.

-Noble stranger! A portrait with the sphinx as souvenir?

An instant statue in 30 minutes.

Yes why not? It'd look nice in my hut.

Do you accept sestertii? Sure. Stand in profile please...

...shoulders up front.

Not to far.

We have to reinforce security. That Artifis is a viper.

Besides the cargo he could attack the construction site itself.

We must organise a guard duty.

What do you think, Obelix? Hm ?

Now where did he go? Obe?

Obe. Obelix!

-Don't sculpt too short! -No no.

-So you're from Gaul? -Yes.

-Hah, been warming up lately! -Ah !

Obe...

Obelix... H�! H�! Asterix!

Obelix, no I'm sure that's not allowed. -Oh� ! H� !

-Come down at once. -But..

Ooh...-Oh ! Oh, how nice...

Come down, you're being ridiculous!

You look so small down there.

Don't be stupid. Get off that sphinx.

Ho, ho !I'll take a walk on his head.

Wise guy!

-Oops !

Broke the nose.

Great, great! Remarquable !

Bravo, Obelix.

You've outdone yourself this time!

Maybe we could glue it back ?

Really? That's a great idea.

With what? You seen the size of that thing?

That's for sure! It's a rock! A cape!

A cape? Forsooth! It's a peninsula!. (Cyrano de Bergerac)

Instead of making up literature you could help me find a solution

What a bull in a china store!

Luckily no one saw us.

So he says: "Why don't you go get embalmed by the Greeks!"

-Imhotep ! -Tep !

Help me, I only have two arms!

-OK

Was that lightning?

I told you I saw lightning. I'm not crazy.

-Voil� !

No one'll think to dig around here.

Right.

Let's go. No need to hang around.

On your feet, Dogmatix!

Not a word about this to Getafix.

-Nothing happened. -No.

Nothing.

Hey, my p�t� !

Since the palace is progressing..

..much faster than planned..

..we demand, the comrades and myself,

..which is perfectly normal..

..an extra day off. Voila.

You know, you've been in my shoes, Likethis.

My name's Edifis.

-Yes... and -Iors ?---- If I----is---------- not done exp-------.

Itineris, you're breaking up.

Move a bit, like so?

-ow -an --ou -ead -e?

-ow -bou- -ow? -Try it.

Do you --ders-and me now? Be-ause...

I've been doing that a lot lately!

- You alright, Obe? - I'm famished !

Oh !

How could they build such buildings?

-Piling stone upon stone. -Indeed.

-Ho, Gauls!

Feel like a little tour inside the pyramid? -Ah, no !

I'll show it to you free.

I don't see what could be so interesting in there.

I hear it's magnificent. We have the time, let's go.

Stay here, Dogmatix. Guard Getafix.

If you're good, you'll get a nice bone.

Don't lose sight of me or you won't get out of this labyrinth alive.

Watch it, the passages are very narrow...

-..You can't be too fat.

No one here is fat!

On your right, Anubis.

Touching.

-The god of the dead and of darkness. -Hmf !

Through here.

Come, distinguished guests, go in.

The hieroglyphs that decorate this room are magnificent.

After you. Enter.

Ah, yes, indeed!

No! No!

You'll never get out of here, foreigners !

Hah !

This tomb will be ...

...your tomb! Ha, ha, ha !

No way out. We are stuck.

"This tomb will be your tomb!" Ah, that's great! Oh, I'm good !

A free visit, I should have suspected!

At least there's plenty to read.

-They all look alike, Hieroglyphs! -Oh No.

Look, Obelix, the colours are superb !

That's all really nice, but...

...if we don't find a way out soon...

...we'll have all eternity to decipher it all.

Well, that's that !

If they get out of that one..

..I swear I'll never shave my head! Never shave my head !

First of all we have to get that door open.

But considering the thickness...

- Here, Obelix. ... - Hm ? What ?

For the first time I'll give you a drink magic potion..

- Really ? . - It's what he said!

One drop, two drops, three drops.

That's enough.

Well...

I don't see a big difference between before and after.

Ob� ?

Geta ?

- Yes ? - Geta ?

Ob� ?

No, it's Geta.

Ast�rix ?

Yes, I'm here.

Here.

Ob�lix ?

It's the 10th time we meet at the same spot.

These pharaohs had great architects!

- The situation's serious. - Very serious.

I'm starting to get hungry.

What could those hieroglyphs mean?

Obelix,..

..there's a time to deciper hieroglyphs,

and a time to get out of the pyramid!

Time to get our priorities straight.

Let me remind "Mister" Asterix that I'm hungry.

So, I distract myself to forget my hunger.

Ah, pardon!

I forgot. That stomach of Mr. Obelix's..

..goes before everything else.

Wild boars and smacking Romans,..

..that's all Mr. Obelix needs.

Oh sure,..

..Mr Asterix knows everything better than anyone!

Yes, maybe !

Let me remind Mr Asterix..

..who wanted to visit the pyramid,

..all this would never have happened inside a menhir.

Ah, .. 2 Sestertii logic !

What's keeping them?

Already half past the sand!

The stones are loaded! We have to go!

I got worked up before. I just said anything. Mea culpa.

No, It's my Mea culpa..

It could well have happened in a menhir.

In any case, my powers can't get us out of here.

I fear this may be the end of our adventures.

Anyone got something to light the torch with?

No, I have a box of amulets, but that won't do.

I'm sorry for Edifis.

I'm sorry for poor Dogmatix.

Isn't that so, Dogmatix?

- Woof! . - Dogmatix ?!

Yeah, so? Don't blame me for taking him.

He came all by himself!

No, that's just it !

He found us by sense of smell.

So he can sniff us out of here.

That's true!

Dogmatix, listen carefully.

If you get us out of here,..

..you'll be swimming in bones.

Yes! Good, Dogmatix!

I apologize, Ob�lix you were right to bring him.

Sometimes I think he understands everything I say.

And they returned to the construction site...

aboard ships loaded with stones.

This is slow.

Very slow.

Too slow!

At this speed we won't be in Gaul in time for the wild board banquet.

Lentils are alright for 5 minutes, but...

You know the Nile is an unpredictable river...

...sometimes impetuous, sometimes lazy.

- I don't know if you know this beautiful Egyptian poem. - No.

It goes: "Nile, Nile, Nile..."

What's he doing, exactly?

Boys!

Once again we're afloat !

Hip hip hip... Hurrah.

Hip hip hip... Hurrah.

Watch out behind!

By Toutatis, I know he fell...

in the potion when he was little

but that boy never ceases to amaze me.

- Hip hip hip, hurrah, hey ? - Alright, enough!

And construction was ready to start again.

Edifis was certain to meet the deadline

which was very rare, in construction, at the time.

One sip per person. one sip per person.

There's fake potion going about on the site.

Same consistency, same colour, but it's not the potion.

It's pumpkin soup.

The only real potion, is the one you get from the druid...

...there by the cauldron.

Thirty minutes from here.

So I closed the door and yelled:

"This tomb will be your tomb."

-Not bad! -Huh?

I was also thinking: bunch of jackals you'll all die like jackals".

But that was jackals twice.

What? Jackalsses? Ay!

Locked up in the pyramid, huh ?! Tsss!

I don't understand.

They're wizards. Only superhuman beings could get out of a pyramid.

They're tough, those barbarians!

An idea, I need an idea. Mmh...

Got one! I just had a nasty idea. No 2, 3, even !

Oh, la la ! I've got a whole bunch of ideas. I'm too good! Tssssss...

I don't like that laugh, boss. It scares me.

To work!

Nowhere near the luxuriant garden we need in 2 weeks.

Getamanix, got any potion to speed things up?

Like, for example, seeds...

...that grow into palm trees right away?

Edifis, you can't fixeverything with potions.

Some things can't be changed.

Nature needs time. It takes years for a little seed...

...with patience, sun and water, to develop a bud...

- and then... - Hmm ?

- that bud... - Please.

Please.

I don't have any faster ones.

Yes, fantastic!

Can someone help get me down?

How has construction restarted?

I'm not happy about their progress, either, noble Caesar,

Personally, I also want Edifis to fail.

I was thinking I could help you.

by means of a fair and equal arrangement

Not here. In my tent.

I'm listening.

Noble Caesar, if I arrange the construction to fail..

you'll award me the contract and I'll finish it 2 months late.

That way you win your bet and Cleopatra is humiliated. Tsss!

OK, if you finish it 4 months late.

3, I can't work any slower.

Fine, 3. But not less, or you pay an early penalty.

Schple !

It's a deal, noble Caesar.

Good. Now, how do you plan to sabotage the works.

With this.

- Tsss! - Ha, ha, ha!

What shall I wear tonight?

Careful, it's very, very tepid.

A gift for the queen of queens.

"In homage to the queen of queens. From the 3 Gauls:

Getafix, Obelix and Asterix." How sweet!

Can I open it?

Oh, that's tepid!

Ah, a cake!

We'll have it for dessert tonight.

Modest meal: 40 dancers...

...80 musicians 300 simple dishes.

I don't like crowds either.

Dinnertime!

- Wild boar just arrived by galley - Finally some normal food!

- Oh, yes, boar! - With lentils?

That's not allowed.

You realize it's still pork, more or less.

We'll pretend we don't know the rules.

Nobody move!

We're here to arrest the Gauls - Queen's orders !

Come on! for 3 wild boars! Fine

I'll smack them around

then we'll eat.

No, wait. Wait!

You're not going to fight the whole garrison?

Why not? That illegal too?!

You can't do anything around here!

Edifis is right. Let's see what Cleopatra wants.

Yes, yes. And it's a nice opportunity to see the palace.

I'll stay here to keep the fire lit.

Cos it tends to unlight itself.

That's why I want to stay

to keep it lit.

Schple !

I have everything tasted,

before eating.

Your scheme failed, Gauls.

It's my taster who was poisoned by your cake.

We didn't send a cake. What cake?

That cake! There's not 50 cakes!

Wild boars, ok, but that..?

Silence! You tried to kill me.

- You'll pay with your lives. - By Toutatis! We're innocent!

Some nerve !

Wait! It's ridiculous! We're at the worksite all day,

swallowing all that dust.

- And lentils... - Yes, no, that's en...

- Yes we eat lentils. - Yes, ok, but.. no point in brin..

Never, ever did we send you a poisoned cake.

A cake like that, we would have eaten ourselves !

Let's be logical !

BE QUIET !!

This is grotesque.

If the queen doesn't want to hear it..

..then don't say anything. (For now).

Take them away!

And serve appetizers to the sacred crocodiles!

I'm hungry.

I'm hungry. Hungry!

When I said hello, she turned her head.

We used to laugh, play peekaboo, and then...

all of a sudden...

she won't look at me anymore.

I'm a stranger to her.

Cleopatra and you play peekaboo?

Asterix isn't talking about Cleopatra,

but one of her attending courtesans.

The one with the pretty braid.

Wouldn't surprise me if Asterix were in love.

I'm not in love.

I just want to tell her I had nothing to do with it.

It's a juridical thing.

Juridical, yes.

Of course!

"Peekaboo, I love you !"

It's uncanny how stupid you look !

"Hee, hee... I love you !"

Subtle !

At times you're brilliant..

..at others you seem like..

..a fat idiot.

Who's a fat idiot ?!

No idea. Drink ! A sip, each, of antidote.

Obelix, not all of it. A sip.

Yes, a sip.

Now, Obelix, open the cell door.

I didn't drink it all.

Move away, back there.

We're going out !

Yes, and when you come back bring me a packet...

These Egyptians are crazy !

You ask them to move, but they just stay there.

So ?

There, I'm done.

I'm tired of seeing myself in profile.

Couldn't you sketch my front one time ? Like this.

Ouf, modern art..!

Please?

May we?

Best if I left, huh ?

Gauls, since you're bent on my demise..

I'll show you, by Osiris, how a queen dies.

No, by Toutatis, at least listen to us first.

Aren't your courtesans around ?

Why?

No reason. I'm sure the cake wasn't poisoned.

I'd say, even, very tasty.

Obelix, cut 3 pieces of cake.

Three pieces, Obelix.

One...

Go on.

Two.

And three.

Of course !

My queen, you can see it's not poisoned.

Tell your courtesans.

Especially the one with the braids.

Her name is Gimmeakis.

Gimmeakis.

Yes ?

Last night I had a dream.

I'd won a million sestertius.

I bought a pair of shoes. Too big, and ugly too.

Unbelievable. Weird, dreams...

That Egyptian architect who offered his services...

Noneoyourbis?

Artifis.

Incompetent! He hasn't fixed anything.

The palace will be on time.

Send one of us to snoop around.

And bring back some intel.

Want me to send someone in particular, o Caesar?

No, you pick one. Someone sneaky who can slip through.

- Cartapus! - Yes.

Caesar, meet Cartapus.

Our best spy.

Ave Caesar. Power and prosperity.

Cartapus is a professional. queen of camouflage.

If I look that way, you can see me.

If I look this way, you don't.

You can. You can't. You can.

- Can't. Can't. Can. - Incredible.

You can't. Can't. Can.

You can. Can't. can a little.

- Amazing. - Yes.

And she wasn't even trying!

He's having me on!

- Four months! - Don't push me.

- 4 months I've been waiting! - Watch the clothes, my mother'll kill me!

- I have connections. - Come on, calm down.

Don't touch me! I've no reason to be calm.

Paininthecoccix, tomorrow I'll fix everything.

I'll even give you a discount. It'd be my pleasure.

His pleasure.

If you're not there tomorrow, I wouldn't wanna be in your place.

And?

He gives them potion thatincreases their strength 10-fold.

I drank it and now I'm a superman.. Superwoman.

You don't believe me, o Caesar?

We shall see.

Malivestus! Smack this uppity girl.

Caesar will handle this personally.

The die is cast. Alea jacta est. Pardon.

In the name of Caesar! We know Gaulish dissidents are hiding here.

I demand that Appendix, Pickanmix and Mannekepix,

Actually, they're called Asterix...

DOESN'T MATTER WHAT THEY'RE CALLED !!

I order them to surrender immediately otherwise we attack the palace.

We're here on a mission for Cleopatra.

We're not leaving until the work's finished, by Toutatis!

No need to be so gallant. Maybe we can discuss this. CAN WE DISCUSS THIS!

We'll massacre you to the last man.

No surprise there.

Jeanclaudus, prepare the troops to attack. And no mercy.

Antivirus.

My name is Antivirus.

Arm yourself. One, two, three...

...four, six...five...

Come on, get up!

In formation!

Here. Park him in some shade.

So, amateurs, cometo see the professionals at work?

Yes, alright.

Yes, if you're not used to it, it's rather impressive.

- Getamanix, magic potion for all the workers! - It's their day off.

So...

This is the palace, there are the gardens, north and south.

And there, the temples with the sphinxes.

That's not a good drawing.

No, I'm sketching quickly.

In perspective it's more like...

I would have drawn it more in profile.

Yes, but you do everything in...

These Romans are crazy!

Because of the violence in this next scene...

...we prefer to show you this documentary about lobsters.

Contrary to common belief,

the lobster feeds exclusively on shellfish.

Which doesn't prevent it from being very humane

Careful...

One got through. Dogmatix, attack!

Let me go. I've been repelled already.

Alright.

Sir, please! You can't rush at full speed around people!

We're not in Romany here!

Ave Caius C+, we were routed,

but some managed to get into their compound.

Bravo, brave legionaires.

They shouldn't have provoked me.

And what's that?

We penetrated their compound,

but they were nice.

They let us go without beating us too much.

What do we do now? Just asking, huh? As an amateur.

Attack again!

Caius C+, I'm not sure it's a good idea push our luck.

These Gauls are invincible. Steeped in magic potion,

I think we better give it up.

I'm very disappointed in your attitude, centurion Affairedreifuss.

Antivirus. My name is Antivirus.

No one humiliates the Roman empire. When it's attacked...

...the empire strikes back.

He really hurt my throat.

It's too calm.

I don't like that too much.

I prefer it when it's a little more less calm.

Halt !

War machines...

Take your positions.

How vulgar!

Beautiful landscape.

Kinda middling.

Fire at will! Destroy this palace!

- Ready? - Ready.

When I lower my arm...

...you fire.

Piece o' cake!.

Oopla, bingo !

My palace !

I wonder if this violence is really necessary.

No, it looks about right.

Come!

Good. Perfect !

With such means I could do it too.

- It's not about the means. - Oh yes it is.

- No. - Yes.

- Oh, no. - Yes.

- No.

- Yes.

My palace is turned into a ruin.

Go on, Romans, fire if you're men! I don't give a damn anymore!

Missed! You missed! Hey Romans you shoot like girls.

Still here! Nya, nya... !

We must inform Cleopatra. Only she has the influence over

Caesar to stop this attack.

No. No.

No.

No. Yes.

Yours sincerely, etcetera...

I have an idea. Dogmatix will bring Cleopatra the message.

Dogmatix will bring the message.

OK. So you don't want me to live at all!

Edifis is right. I mean... it's a dog.

A dog thet got us out of the pyramid.

Go on, Dogmatix.

Take this message to Cleopatra.

He's too young to understand.

I'm hit.

Never mind, I'm fine.

Boys! Once again we're afloat.

Aboard our good old drakkar.

It's a great single-mast. Fine as a bird. Hoist'er up!

Yes.

No.

Oh, no.

Too far.

I've been soaked again.

It should hold.

One sip. I'm gone and back in a flash.

Hurry and be careful, Asterix. And brave.

Hold on, Dogmatix.

Run, Asteriskm, run!

Alarm!

I know that one. He's a nasty piece of work.

Shields!

Pilums!

Why isn't he stopping?

The magic potion!

Citybus, Trolleybus, get him! Quickly!

- Go on! - My name's not Trolleybus.

Obelix is alone. Go help him.

Good, am I strong now?

Edifis!

Prepare your sarcophagus.

Double dodge.

Artifis, the violence of the monk

has never been the monk's habit.

Cut out the proverbs girlie.

Wait, I didn't drink any magic potion.

- Paper beats rock. - You sure?

- Very sure. - Ok.

Lao zi jiao ni zhidao ma women luoma gong fu de lihai! (Do you know, Lao Tze taught us the harsh discipline of Roman kungfu?)

Mi bing gai ji go ji gong go yu. Moyu hai dien setien mo m'hai so lo

Lai ba !(Come on!)

No, no! Not the spinning top, no!

Poum, poum, tchac, poum, poum, tchac... My name is Artifis, And I fucked over Edifis.

The magic potion's worn off.

Cleopatra will never get the message.

Your family OK? OK, OK, Imhotep.

And your father? Fine, Imhotep. And your sister.

Everything's OK. Imhotep.

What has become of your cousin?

He's doing fine, Imhotep.

- And business? How's it going? - Imhotep.

Sorry, I'm borrowing this.

- Lot of traffic around, huh? - Enough, Imhotep.

This is practical.

- Faster, faster! We're not catching him. - I'm flooring it! It's a 2 chevaux.

It can't go any faster.

Why does they always say "yah, yah"?

Catch me if you can.

How you gonna get back up, now?

Like this!

Artifis fighting is ridiculous. Let's associate finish the project together.

The lion doesn't associate withthe cockroach.

What?

A lion, you know, doesn't associate

with the cockroach.

I understood: "an ion...

doesn't date a brooch.

- That's just whatever. - No, that's not it

-Envolation ! (Air time !)

When I said lion I meant myself!

Yeah I got that, huh!

Wha... What's going on?

The lion doesn't associate with the cockroach.

Who's the lion now?

Say it to my profile, if you're a man!

Woah! Everything ok?

By Jupiter, 2 seconds ago he was here. Now he's not.

Let's go back. We lost him, huh?

I've been overly patient with Edifis.

- Where are you taking me? - To Cleopatra.

- Oo, I'm scared! - Go on be a wiseguy!

I have Cleopatra's favour. You'll see what you shall see!

I'm afraid I have no choice.

One, two, three, four, five, triplette !

Antelope and lion.

What's the prediction?

A message and a beloved.

This game is, like, whatever!

- My queen! - Ah, Paininthecoccix.

- Come on in. - Go, Dogmatix. Give her the message.

- There's the message! - And there's the beloved.

My queen, as you may know I'm having a house built.

The work should have been finished, easily, 4 months ago.

- WHAT ?! - Easily.

It won't go down this way!

Thank you, my queen, for taking my problem with so much care.

What a sore loser, by Isis!

This is typical of Caesar. But this time...

he'll have to accept his defeat. we finished construction on time.

No, the construction isn't finished. That's just the problem.

I'll see to all of it. Go, Gaul!

Guimieukis, show him the way. I'll meet you there soon.

Pardon me, old man.

- Come, my Dogmatix. - Come, my Gaul.

I believe you don't understand problem.

It's that way. Straight ahead.

- Be careful. - Yes.

Well, looks like everything is very destructible!

Everything will gently settle. Tranquilum.

I had a good idea, to attack the palace !

- Yep, gotta render unto yourself that which yours. - Oh, I don't know.

Asterix is coming back.

When I lower my arm...

Well?

Don't know... A reflex.

So, how did it go?

- Fine. Cleopatra got the message. - Great!

How come the magic potion took so long to wear off?

Well, way it happened, is like this...

You had a taste of best magic potion there is.

Good. Come, my dog.

Dogmatix just came back he succeeded.

I was sure he could do it.

There's a little pink...

Ave Caesar.

Somebody wishes to see Caesar.

Who? Someone.

I understand.

My queen, a pleasant surprise.

Enough! rushed over here...

... without changing, I heard about what's going on here.

What happened?

When you accept a bet have to play fair.

The Gauls may help me. I never said...

If I may say something...

Just one... This is not conquered territory.

I demand the Romans the construction alone...

...and repair all damages.

But... Silence! Immediately!

So what do we do now?

What she said. We leave repair the damages.

Of course, naturally.

I wouldn't want her to sniff nose at me.

No matter how lovely it is.

The Romans are leaving.

That's good news. They're leaving already?

Incredible that each of those Romans his footprint in the sand...

Excuse me, I couldn't help myself.

That's alright.

For the first time Romans and were working together...

...on the construction of the palace. just in time...

...when the last grain of sand fell...

What are you going to do now, Edifis?

I still have to finish my work Paininthecoccix...

You don't have to worry about the any longer.

That's why it could take a bit longer.

Not too lang. Can't become a habit this line of business.

Caesar admitted his defeat...

I bow to the most beautiful queen of all...

...and to the Egyptian people after the Ro...

And I bow to the Egyptians who the greatest people of all.

Cleopatra kept her promise Edifis.

Let him be covered with gold!

That was the deal. me with gold.

The queen gave Getafix...

...valuable manuscripts her library in Alexandria.

Your nose...

Your Majesty is too good, by Belenos...

Otis also gave the palace modern touch.

What's this little chamber for?

It's Otis' invention.

It's the "no-effort".

We chose that name we noticed...

...that people can go up and down no effort.

Speak for yourself.

Oh it tickles when it stops.

By Jupiter.

I want to explore every room this miracle with you.

The palace is huge, Caesar.

It consists of 162 rooms.

It could take a while.

What do you think Cleopatra and Sesam are doing?

Caesar. Cae-sar.

Nothing unpleasant.

As an exception to the rule...

...the banquet, concludes all of Asterix's adventures...

...didn't take place in Gaul in Egypt.

Those big shrimps are nice.

Homarus. Obelix.

And the guy says: "That's the pha-ra-o."

Because his name is O.

His name is O and comes from Phara.

It's O from Phara.

The guy's name is O.

He says he's from Phara.

from Phara. Like the pharaoh.

The boss... our boss.

You have a lovely moustache.

Is it real? Yes.

It's nothing.

You just let it grow.

Like your braids...

...which are nicer then Obelix's.

Thanks. know how to please a woman.

That's a local custom.

In Gaul.

Good evening. name, please.

What for?

It's a private party. got a list.

I'm Julius Caesar.

Sorry, impossible.

There must be a problem, because...

Excuse me. Make some room.

A warm evening? Are you alone?

We're with two, four, eight. It's crazy.

Good evening. There's a problem...

...I have to be on that list.

How do you spell your name? C, A, E, S, A, R. Julius.

Cetaparis, Seinesaindenis, but I can't find any...

C+, that's me. Are you C+?

Why didn't you say so?

Nice harness. Thanks.

I'll see you inside. Are you ok? Have a good time.

Can you look for Julius?

J, U, L, I, U, S. Sir, I'm not...

I work here.

I don't know, but I know... one of my amphorae inside.

With a J? U, L, I, U, S.

Yes, that's right. Julius Caesar. the queen's table.

Good evening.

Is it in Alexandria at Alexandria?

Because in the south of Gaul a city called Avignon.

There's a beautiful bridge. people say "at Avignon".

Are you a courtesan?

Yes, and I used to do other too.

I can talk without my lips.

It's funny, way...

I have another one... here.

Every part of your face hides beautiful.

A rose out of your ear...

A sphinx from your nose.

The guy says: the pharaoh."

O is his name.

And he's from Phara.

That's where he comes from. he was born.

The pharaoh, his name is O.

Help!