Original subtitles

Three times six mammoths!

You could have told me the answer!

I told you with signs!

I thought you were miming the claws of a tiger.

My parents are gonna pulverize me.

Well well, the microbes...

Microbes!

Do you have something for us? For us!

Oh no!

Not my caterpillar sandwich...

All I've got is my slip.

Ok, move it.

Bastards!

That wolfskin slip was a birthday present.

She'll yell at me, that's for sure.

What?

I swear, Mom, I haven't done anything.

Those big kids made me hand over my slip.

Zizie, stop. Not on the walls.

You're lucky, dad's been hunting. I'll stitch something together.

Why does my father...

...only hunt lame animals?

Hm...

What a lovely slip, Titeuf. What brand is it?

Hi, girls! Whoa, classy!

Is that lizard?

Yeah. Lizard-air-pumps, it's the latest trend. Look.

Whoa, classy! Mega-top!

Tricera-top!

But it doesn't beat a hamster slip!

Forget it. And you know, reptile-shoes, they make your feet smell.

Bah... I am finished. No female will ever love me.

François, wanna play footskull?

I can't, I have to walk Kiki.

It's so cool to have a mammoth!

My parents don't want a pet. We have my grandpa at home already.

Cool? Not really.

I have to walk her twice a day.

Hold on. Gotta clean it.

Ooohh...

Who a the cute Kiki then? Who?

Oh, what a pretty bird! Look, Kiki.

Stop, you big dumb lump!

Aaahh!

Well well, Titeuf!

Aren't you ashamed, sleeping during history class?

Aaahh!

A horrible T-rex!

Oops!

Copy 50 times:'I must not call my teacher a "T-rex."'

Ooohh... I don't think I'm gonna have a good night's rest.

I know she's old, but still... a T-rex! You're cruel.

And it isn't even possible. They've been extinct for millions of years.

The teachers?

This is Manu. He's my best friend.

Your face when the teacher woke you up!

He's Hugo, My second best friend.

Next to him, the chap who spits, that's Jean-Claude.

No chance, bro!

My other friends, François, Vomito...

... Ramon...

A handkerchief, someone?

... Puduk...

Who wants to play 'Station with me?

Uh... no thank you, not me.

And there's Marco. Hey there, small stuff.

He doesn't wear his air-pump lizards?

But he isn't a friend. He hangs out with the girls.

And it isn't that they're all bitches...

Get lost! Wanna take a picture?

Scam, big nose!

In fact, they are. They're all bitches. Except Nadia.

She's so beautiful, I want to marry her.

Get out of my air space.

Well, the problem is that she's still a girl.

Any advance with Nadia?

Yeah... She takes her time. She needs to think about it, you know.

Did you make your statement yet?

No, but wait... That isn't how it works.

First, I'll make her crazy about me with my looks...

With my attitude. Attitude?

Well, yeah, my attitude! Like this...

You've got a stomach ache?

Bah... Sometimes you scare me, my little Manu.

Ah! Gross!

He's gonna rust up her braces!

Are you gonna do this with Nadia?

Are you nuts? We're not gonna mix our juices!

Everyone should keep his drool to himself It's a personal thing.

Oh yeah...

But when will you go talk to her?

I'll send her an anonymous letter.

A what?

A love letter, but I won't sign it.

She'll start imagining, dreaming about a Prince Charming...

You're that Prince Charming?

Well, yeah. But she doesn't know that since I am anonymous.

Here, look.

"You're the most beautiful girl of the universe."

"Your eyes are like stars..."

"... and your cheeks are like... Meteorites?"

"I'll take you away on my interstellar spaceship."

What's with the interstellar spaceship?

It's poetry!

You don't know anything about sexual stuff, you!

You don't understand it, but the girls, they love poetry.

You didn't even sign it!

That's on purpose. It's an anonymous letter!

It'll make her dreaming...

You mean, dreaming about cheeks like meteorites?

And it's only a rough draft!

I'm sick of this, you're too stupid!

He really lacks any sense of poetry.

So, microbe... You got something for us?

Us. What's that, then?

No! My letter! That's mine!

Not anymore.

Cool story, bro.

Wanna smoke?

No! My letter! Give it back!

Ok, let's go.

Those guys are worse than a puddle of vomit in a trash can.

One day, they'll pinch a zit and they'll have their brains outside of their heads.

Whaddya know.

This is my family.

My dad, he's very strong.

His work, it's researching stuff.

He had to research the job market for a long time.

It was super complicated!

Nowadays he repairs computers.

That's my mom. I adore her...

... except when she says that.

And then you will do your homework.

Uh... and when she says that too.

That mini T-rex over there, that's my sister, Zizie.

Ga!

It's a girl.

Bedtime. School tomorrow.

But mom! I was about to be promoted to interstellar commander!

Bed, now!

Not cool! I only had one head to pull out...

That's enough, I said!

It's bad for your health, playing this mind-numbing stuff all the time.

It isn't bad! It's the Grand Mugul!

It's educational! It's about exterminating Zblorgs. It's useful!

No!

I don't care. You'll regret it when the apocalypse of the mutants starts.

You could have let him finish.

When it comes to authority, one cannot count on you.

What does that mean?

You can let him play that videogame...

... if you keep an eye on it. But today I had to do everything.

Everything? I must be dreaming!

And who does the dishes?

And your mother on the phone? Level 3.

It's always my mother's fault!

And the laundry? And the courses?

Well, take a vacation.

I can't take it anymore, I'm suffocating!

Just like in Mugulator, if you choke...

... you've got a command to increase the oxygen level...

BED!

My parents shout too.

My father says it's because of my mother having her period.

My dad must have his period, too.

It doesn't surprise me. He's always been a punctual guy.

In any case, I, when I marry Nadia...

You're going to marry Nadia, you?

Well... yes.

Ah! And she knows about it?

"And she knows about it?"

She will, you big dork!

And I'm expecting it to happen... today!

Did you bring your letter to "nonymous"?

Yeah. I further improved it.

Look.

Oh Yeah.

It looks completely different.

Why do you talk about toilet paper?

What? Give me that!

"Butter, 2 liters of milk, toilet paper..." It's the grocery list!

It's really special, like poetry.

Oh no!

I must have switched the papers last night.

My mom has got my letter ...

I hope she won't buy meteorite butter!

You stupid...

This is for you.

"Dear Manu, I invite you to my birthday..."

"... and that of Nadia."

What? They celebrate it...

... together?

That's completely retarded!

I'll have to think of a gift for another alien.

Don't worry, you're not invited.

Not invited?

"Not invited"? How? Why?

I'm not invited...

... to Nadia's party.

But why?

Well... maybe she has forgotten you?

Forgotten?

Not possible, she sees me every day!

I don't know anything about it.

You see, it doesn't make sense.

Maybe she was not like your joke about the girls'...

... brians.

Or because of that burping contest you did once...

... at the party.

Or because you got yelled on the playground: "Girls..."

"... they stink!"?

Or maybe she just doesn't want you to come.

So, Titeuf... Still in the land of the dinosaurs?

I don't care anyway why she didn't invite me.

Hello!

Bah!

You're all dressed up?

You're going for a walk, do you? Gourkuf.

Gourkuf?

What do you mean by that? You can't pronounce...?

My Jump Rodgers poster!

Zizie, you gotta stop eating...

... my stuff.

I'm going to spend a few days with grandma.

With grandma? Why grandma?

Dad and I, we need some time alone to think.

Think about what?

About grownups' matters.

Zizie comes with me, but you'll have to stay here because of school. Okay?

You're going to stay with Dad. I'll call you tomorrow.

Why? What's going on?

Sometimes moms and dads...

... need to take a step back...

Why are you moving out?

No, no...

You must not worry, darling.

Yes, but uh...

Everything will be okay.

You're a man now. Do not worry, my little chicken.

I'm a not a chicken!

No, you're not a chicken.

You're great.

I have to go.

Bye bye, my chi... my darling. Don't worry, everything will be well.

She'll be back. She just needs some time alone.

As for now, we need to focus. Do you understand?

Uh... to focus do you need my Game Boy?

Because you'll need to give it back then.

Ah...

Uh... does that mean yes?

"Don't worry... Don't worry..."

It's clear, their trick.

Also, it sucks to think of granny.

She never stops talking!

I too have problems!

Global issues about birthdays.

And that's why I'm not going to grandma.

And that's why I don't steal other people's Game Boys!

And whack!

She's gone.

Whoa!

You mean they'll get a divor-fe?

Not at all! Nothing like it.

They just want to think things over, but at granny's.

Your mom, there may be another man.

A lover. It happens, with girls.

My mom isn't a girl anymore!

She isn't in love!

Why wouldn't she?

It's my mom!

At some moment, some couples can't...

... be together.

It's called the midnight crisis.

But it wasn't midnight, it was 4 o'clock!

So much for your theory!

Uh... What?

What if she had read your letter...

...and she believed that it was a Nonymous who wrote it?

"You're the most beautiful girl of the universe."

"Your eyes are like stars and your cheeks are like meteorites."

"I will come and take you away, but not on a horse..."

"... but on my interstellar spaceship."

Don't forget to buy toilet paper.

It's a mega giga catastrophe!

This is a judicial error!

Come on, Titeuf!

Come on, pass it!

Ah! Hi, Nadia. Did you sleep well?

At least you can be sure that she hasn't forgotten you.

Oohhh ...

With me, it was my father who needed some time alone..

he didn't come back.

That was 4 years ago. My mother has a new husband.

Yeah? And why would that interest me?

I share my room with his 2 girls.

Oohhh!

2 girls? Why?

They're are my half-sisters.

Your half-sisters?

2 half-sisters, makes one full sister. But that makes you... what?

Well, I'm their half-brother.

I've got a friend whose father remarried three times.

He's got four half-brothers and sisters.

If he was married 3 times...

... you wouldn't get halves, but third sisters.

Oh no ...

If it wasn't enough already, there's a lot of maths too!

If you become a half-brother...

... maybe you'll get half an invitation to Nadia's party.

Come on!

Tonight, I cook.

I'll do my secret recipe. Makes even top chefs envy me.

The daddy burger!

Yum!

Mom's new husband, does he have girls?

What do you say?

Your mom... she doesn't have a new husband.

She is, well...

Come on, we'll eat in the lounge.

You know, sometimes dads and moms must call it quits.

Not because they don't love each other anymore.

It's just that after many years...

Why he speaks to me like I'm stupid?

Doesn't he feel right or what?

That's it!

He's suffering from a midnight crisis!

Oh no!

We must take a step back. Do you understand?

Uh...

No.

Me neither, to be honest.

But we're still going to eat those daddy burgers.

Dad?

Mmyes?

It's nice without girls.

Hi. That's fine.

I'll call him.

Titeuf! Mom on the phone.

Titeuf!

Mmyes... Mom?

Everything ok, darling?

My little... You too have a lump in your throat.

That's better. I swallowed. Ah...

You're doing your homework?

Uh... yes, yes.

I was working on...

... division!

When are you coming back? Did you do the thinking?

I won't come back right away, but I'll see you soon.

You can come to spend the weekend with granny and me.

Can I bring Dad?

Daddy will stay home.

I'll explain it. Kisses and embraces!

Give me back your father.

Oh ... don't not cry, little one.

Everything will be alright. I'll see you soon...

Morning, everyone!

Uh... morning, dad.

Bye, Titeuf.

Are you crying?

No.

Because of the divorce of your parents?

I'm not crying. My eyes are irritated because of the homework.

Well, that's fine. It can happen to everyone, crying...

I don't cry at all! And the girl stuff, it is useless!

How are you?

Did your mother come back?

My mother...

My mother!

I'm gonna spend the weekend with her.

Are you gonna tell her that you've written the love letter?

Tell her? Are you nuts?

I'm going to make it disappear.

No more letters, no more Prince Charming. So my father's got a chance.

Yeah... maybe.

And how about Nadia's birthday?

Still didn't receive an invitation.

So, your parents, are they divorced yet?

No, they're thinking.

Silence! No talking during the test.

Here, the answers. You read them and then you swallow them.

Titeuf?

Can you lend me your eraser?

Aahhh!

What's going on here?

A cheater!

Out you go, you two!

But...

Explain it to the principal. Off you go!

Uh ... so the principal's name is Offyougo?

Out!

Poor old chap!

Well what? They go together, he should be pleased.

Oh, what an idiot...

You see...

"Principal Offyougo", that was was fun, no?

I'm sorry, Nadia.

I don't feel very well at the moment.

It's because my parents, perhaps they'll divorce.

Really?

That must be hard for you.

Oh yes! Oh yes, uh...

One could say I saw some kind of family drama.

I'm confused to death. Outright confused.

Poor Titeuf.

It's not easy.

One must cope with it.

Sometimes, one feels alone.

And one would like to go to birthday parties for a change of mood.

Yes, I understand.

And uh... you understand?

You've reached Level 2, mugul soldier.

Yes!

And my mother is gone.

So it's a family drama. I haven't studied...

... for today's test.

Because of my traumatization.

I understand.

These are difficult circumstances.

On the cons, you, you will be punished for cheating.

What?

Uh... everything ok, Nadia?

Leave me alone!

Treat me nicely.

I saw a family drama.

Drop dead!

But... my traumatization?

Hey, guys! I adopted a jellyfish!

Hey, look!

Does someone have a handkerchief?

My brand new Nikes! Spoiled!

Sorry. You should have worn your air-pump lizards.

Attention, guys! Mega vomit!

An atomic eruption of barf! Cosmic throw-up!

Uh...

Good morning, Mr. Principal.

He's gonna tear his face off.

For shure!

Call him on my behalf. Do it today.

We may never see him again. He'll get taken to jail.

Poor old chap!

I'm not even getting punished.

The director asked my father to take me to a shrink.

What?

Apparently my brain is disrupted because of my mom moving out.

And it's not my fault that I hit him with the Glueblob.

That's crazy!

He says it's my subconscious who did this.

Because my parents are separated.

I need mine to split before my next book report!!

I'm gonna overload my subconscious.

How does he get that shrink to talk to your fubconfff...

The psychs are able to see the insides of your brain.

What?

Yeah.

They search for your subconscious in your head.

Oh?

They open your skull to see it.

Oh! Your stories drive me nuts!

It's all bullshit!

Oh dear!

It's true that he's disturbed.

You've got to relax, little one.

Relax! It'll be okay.

Hehehe!

This is going to sting a bit.

Aaahhh!

That... It's no good.

That isn't either.

What's that thing? Yuck!

Here we are!

Hehehe.

I think we did a pretty good job.

Say something, Titeuf.

Huh? How do you feel?

Uh... weird?

Oh! What is that voice?

That's his true subconscious personality.

It's a girl.

Phew!

You're already awake. That's good.

Get ready to go to the shrink.

Brush your brain's teeth well!

Ha, ha, ha.

Titeuf, will you take that helmet off?

Oh!

Titeuf, it's your turn.

So... that's...

Ti... teuf.

How are you, my lad?

The principal has sent us.

A few days ago, my son...

he pulled all those things out of brains?

He must be hyper strong!

Mmm...

Since his mother and I are separated.

Mmm.

Ti... Titeuf.

Let's start with a game.

I'll... Won't you remove your helmet?

No!

Okay.

Good. Sit down.

I'm gonna show you the ink stains...

... and you tell me what they make you think of.

It's Nadia He managed make Nadia!

Incredible! It must be a trick to get my attention.

Then crack! He'll open my head and photoscan my neurons!

But I won't let that happen.

It reminds me of an ink blot.

Ah! Ah!

Mmm...

Why does he say "Mmm"?

It's mom!

Mmm...

It reminds me of a stain.

Mmm...

Mmm!

Actually, it IS a stain.

And you have to tell me what it evokes for you. Do you understand?

Mmm?

So, mmm?

It's your head.

Oh! Oh! Well.

Here's your bald skull.

There are your ears with protruding hairs and...

That's enough for today.

If you ever... The third stain, that's him!

Ok, let's go!

I can't help it if there is such a blot.

Will you please get rid of that helmet at last?

Elodie? Hey!

Well I never.

You look fit.

And you? What happened to you?

Always traveling. Finally, I'm back.

And you? This is your son?

Yes, my son, Titeuf. We were getting back home... from the shrink.

Oh...

Yeah. His mother is gone, so...

It's only boys again.

And you...?

No. Still single.

Ah!

Ah?

We could... meet again?

Some evening? With pleasure.

Here's my number.

I gotta run. Bye bye!

Bye, Teuteuf.

Bye bye. Who's she?

she's... an ex.

An ex what? An expert?

An explosion? An exile of Thingistan?

An ex-girlfriend.

And she invites you to her birthday?

Well... yeah.

Nadia's needs to invite me. Otherwise, she'll also become an ex.

She was actually my fiance.

A long time ago, before mom. When I was young.

But she's old!

At the time she was young.

You kissed her on the mouth?

Well, yes.

For her birthday?

Well... Yes. Yes, that too.

Disgusting!

I swear it!

It was him, but in stain-form.

Oh, nuts!

Listen to this!

Are you ready?

My-friend-Pier-rot

That's easy!

Do it, then! I am a thousand times better.

Whoa! Stay classy, Titeuf.

Uh, Nadia!

It's just... I had something stuck.

Something you've eaten in the land of the T-rex.

Nice one!

Those babies and their lame games.

Because of their hormones, their brains don't grow.

It stays like a testicle till they're grown up.

My aunt says it shrinks again afterwards.

Especially if they go into cold water.

Bah...

That was a great success!

You've beaten Hugo in the belching contest.

Thanks, Manu.

And your parents?

My father, he walked into some ex on the street.

So what?

Well, nothing. They're still thinking.

One thinks at home...

... and one thinks on the countryside, with my grandma.

Ah!

My parents also think.

But they think together.

For the Glueblob, I got two nights of detention.

Yeah, me too.

I would have been safer at the shrink's.

At home, we had a hamster named Toto.

He became ill and we knew he was dying.

So he was allowed to do anything.

He could screw up everything.

Gnaw plants, chairs...

They even let him to pee on the carpet.

So what? What are you trying to say?

I dunno.

My hamster, he was like you.

He could do everything he wanted but never got punished.

Like the president.

What's with the President?

Same thing. He can pee on the carpet of the palace without a problem.

It's called is presidential immunity.

It's presidential humidity to pee on the carpet of the palace?

It doesn't matter! But Toto...

... he died eventually.

And that was it?

What if it was because you were going to die?

That's why adults treat you so nice!

That's horrible!

I'm gonna die!

Wait! We can't be sure.

I didn't mean it like that. You're not a hamster.

If you really gonna die...

Can you leave me your Game Boy cartridges in your will?

I need to know for sure if I'm really gonna die.

Yeah.

That way, you got time to sort your cartridges.

But...? But what are you... ? You can't do that!

Are you out of your mind?

Go fetch a cloth and clean that up!

No TV for you for 2 days!

Yes! He would never do that to someone who's dying!

Uh, well... I'm putting on my pajamas.

So, I... Ooh!

I take this opportunity to test the elastic... Ouch! ... of my underwear.

I have to talk to the psychiatrist.

"My son is well."

"He just... peed on the living room rug."

Oh, uh... that smells good.

What is it?

Guacamole. But it isn't for you.

For you, there's pizza! In your room.

Who gets the guacamole, then?

I've got a guest.

Why can't I eat machinmole with you?

Because it's a dinner with grown-ups.

What grown-ups?

Your father and uh... a friend.

Ok, let's go. Yummy!

Enjoy your meal.

Hi! Hi!

The ex-girlfriend that dad kissed for her birthday!

If they get along well, she's going to live here with her daughters!

Titeuf, come say hello.

That's for me!

Yes for a change.

Titeuf?

Manu, I've got a problem. It's the girl I told you about.

The ex-young fiancee who become old.

She's here. She's having dinner with my dad.

She's gonna try to replace my mother.

Ooh! Calm down.

They may just want to talk about the prehistoric times when they knew each other.

If they're just talking, why did my dad light those candles?

Yikes! Uh, don't panic!

What color are her clothes?

What the hell do you mean?

I read it in one of mom's magazines.

It's about clothes to wear when you're going out.

I'll get it.

Ok, I've got it.

"What looks will seduce him?"

Go ahead. What clothes?

The girl wears a rather short skirt.

And a blouse with a hole at the top.

A cleavage.

Ah... Which color?

Bah... gray and brown.

Gray and brown?

Ah, got it. This is what you wear for a job interview.

She wants to work for your father?

I don't know! But there's lots of skin!

The skin of the arms and legs...

The skin of the top of the tits...

It's skin color.

What does it say about that?

Eek! That's not good. She's in total seduction mode.

How's your father dressed?

He's wearing his black shirt and he's put on his shoes.

He doesn't wear pants?

Of course! Before he put on his shoes he was wearing slippers.

Ah!

What does that mean?

I do not know. But I think it's serious.

Do not leave them alone!

Ok, I'll go!

You don't forget that. You're so silly!

So, Isa had an operation?

Yes, but only her ears.

Here's stuff to eat.

Madame must be hungry.

You already know Titeuf.

He's cute.

Dad? Does this lady have daughters?

No. I have no children.

Ah... And now, you are too old.

You're there to help my dad to think?

Alright, that's enough. Go to your room.

Watch out, Dad!

She's got skinny tits!

To get your job!

She wants to become an ex ex. Watch out!

I do not know where he gets that stuff.

Me neither.

He obviously needs authority.

It's just kiddie talk. Better laugh with it.

If that makes you laugh, you're welcome to have fun alone.

But...!

I'm going. I'll get a "job" somewhere else.

Do you want chicken, Titeuf?

I'm wearing my brown pajamas.

Do you want to hire me?

Yeah, why not.

Girls don't play with Lego

They can't make the sound of a motorbike with their mouths

They never make noise with their asses

What's the point?

Girls don't like TV

They don't understand karate movies

During football matches, they forget to cheer

Oh, what a pity!

What's the point?

What's the point?

Girls lock themselves in the bathroom

With all kinds of ointments

Of which I don't know anything

Girls never stay long with me

I don't know why.

And then the lady left.

"I'll get a job somewhere else," she said. Offyougo! Released!

Your dad invited that woman to make love to her.

Not at all, it was just for dinner. They had chicken.

Well yeah, duh.

But afterwards it's "Oh yes! Oh yes!" On the couch!

Stop saying that! My dad isn't a pervert.

"Oh yes! Oh yes!"

Are you gonna shut up?!

Son of a pervert! Shut up, assface!

You're lucky I'm out of shape!

"Oh yes! Oh yes! Oh yes!"

They ate chicken! Chicken with spermatozoids!

You're a fool.

With divorced parents...

... you get a stepmother, a stepfather and more.

If they like you, they'll shower you with gifts.

Mega balls!

You just chased away your future stepmother.

Don't complain if she buys you an educational game.

Is it a Playstation?

Ah... It...

It's made of wood.

An excellent early-learning game!

Recommended for the development of the mobility and prehension...

... of badly behaved children!

Forget it!

You can always try catching up with your parents.

Come again?

Tell your mother that you got wrote her love letter.

And that there's no secret lover.

Oh... she won't like that.

Well, no. But you've got no choice.

Ok. I'll do it.

And Nadia? Still not invited?

No. She takes her time, thinking about it.

She doesn't know what she wants.

Do you think she'll go to your grandma?

What's going on?

It's Sandrine. She's gonna show us her tits!

Can I see them?

One euro per person.

One euro?

You're not a supermodel, dammit!

The top models, you see them on posters.

Me, my tits, it's a euro.

If you're not happy with that, go play with your marbles.

No, no! He's happy with it. And he sucks at marbles.

Away with you!

I can pay you with pills against nausea.

Scram!

Your loss. They're really effective.

Well, are you ready? Feast your eyes!

Ooohh!

Oh, that's cheating! You don't even have tits!

Give me back my euro!

What an idiot!

It's true, we got ripped off!

She doesn't have bigger tits than me.

Look.

You don't know anything about inner beauty.

One must learn to observe.

You're all completely retarded!

There's isn't any inner beauty underneath Sandrine's sweater.

She just nicked 4 euros from us.

She has inner beauty. You're talking crap.

That's why you're not invited to Nadia's party.

And that's why your mother is gone, too.

Doesn't matter! At least my mom has boobs!

Forget it, you suck!

Hey, Nadia!

You wanna play?

A game where you have to burp? No!

No, it's a psycho-ecological game. You look at ink blots...

... and you guess what it evokes in the inside of your brain.

And what's more, it allows you to see clearly what's going on in your subconscious.

Look carefully.

Attention ...

Oh! Aah!

Whoa!

It's killer, this subconscious trick!

I recognize Nadia's hand.

Ooh... this isn't fair!

You must get off at Bregogne.

Why didn't mom come to pick me up?

She'll be waiting for you there.

You're a big boy now, right?

Well, gotta go. You got your ticket, your bag...

I'm good, dad.

You're a big boy now, right?

I'll pick you up on sunday.

You go off to Bregogne, understood?

Eh... thank you for being silent.

Please make your phone calls outside the compartments.

Do you hear me?

Hello? Fifi!

I've seen the miles pass by. It hasn't always been easy.

Tossed back and forth between parents...

... thrown into wagons. Alone on the road.

Yeah ...

The tracks that pass

Have worn my eyes

I live nowhere and it may be for the best

The train that takes me away doesn't stop

I've gambled with my life And I lost

The train rolls forward with you on board

The wind whistles in the night

Forget your doubts

Forget your certainties

Hang on, little one The road is your only friend

I went through so many cities in the fog

I left so many girls in tears on station platforms

I've got nothing left but my guitar

Yeah!

A pair of worn boots and black sunglasses

What?

Bregogne.

Stopping for two minutes.

The road is your only friend

My darling!

Did you have a good trip?

Wasn't it too long?

Too long?

It's never too long when the road is your only friend.

"Your only friend." What is that? Another one of your stories!

Do your eyes hurt?

No, no.

His eyes hurt because you let him play that Game thing too much.

They're so stupid, those girls.

Where did she put it?

It's organized worse than my room at home!

Looking for something?

What? Uh... no.

Nothing, grandpa. I just wanted to know if mom had found my...

One loses everything in this house.

I can't...

...remember where I put my glasses.

Purdy drawing!

Yeah. Very purdy drawing, Zizie.

But I've got something to do. I'm on an important mission.

I...

Purdy!

My love letter!

Where did you get that?

Give her back her paper.

But Mom, it's...

Come on, Titeuf!

It's an old shopping list I had in my bag.

Mom! Did you read... this shopping list?

What does it matter?

But mom! Where did Zizie find it?

I don't care!

So your cheeks, they've never been meteorites?

-hat?

I mean,I wanted to ask... You didn't read it?

You've watched too much TV.

The countryside will clear your head. It'll do you good.

I was worried for nothing!

But... why did she leave?

Grandma? Yes?

Why did mom leave?

Oh dear! Those are grown-up matters, really.

You know, sometimes, we need a little distance...

... to realize we still love each other.

What do you mean by that?

You mean they can see better closely, like Manu?

In a way, yes.

Manu he should lend them his glasses.

Oh! That doesn't work.

What's for dinner?

I'm making mashed potatoes.

Yuck, mashed potatoes again! Always mashed potatoes!

It's very nutritious and it's easy to chew, too.

Can't we have fries for a change?

Just tell yourself that mashed potatoes are just soft fries.

Uh... ok.

I can also tell myself that I'm married to Monica Bellucci.

But soft!

Oh sure! Monica Bellucci marries an old dinosaur with a mustache!

You used to like my mustache.

As you say, I used to.

In any case, mashed potatoes, they don't go down well.

What, old timer?

And they make you deaf too!

He doesn't understand that it's because of his missing teeth.

I prefer to talk to my zucchini!

That's it, my love. Your vegetables, they'll understand you.

Bullshit!

Pfff... even with glasses...

... being an adult is really hard.

Come see, Titeuf!

Hmm...?

Look how beautiful it is, all this nature!

Yeah...

It's really great, mom.

Can I go watch Mugulator?

Just admire the beauty. You won't find this in Mugulator.

Yeah. Well, fortunately...

When I was a little girl, I thought I would spend my entire life here.

And then you chose daddy?

Have you been thinking?

I need more time to know where I am.

Do you still love dad?

I don't know.

So, you prefer the chickens?

No.

Are you gonna have a new husband?

That's not the point.

In any case, you failed for the test.

Who's the man of your dreams?

Titeuf...

Come on, mom, tell me!

The man of my dreams, for the moment, it's Fido.

The horror! My future stepfather...

... it's a dog! That was worth all the thinking!

There goes my reputation. A dog!

It's gonna be classy! Nadia, I want you to meet...

... my parents.

Grown-ups are such idiots!

They think they can treat me like...

... shit?

That stench... What did you do?

Nothing. I talked to a cow.

A cow?

You should talk to your shrink instead.

Yeah, yeah...

Did you find a new woman yet? What?

Is she a bitch?

What did you say?

What do you think?

This weekend, I cleaned the flat, did the laundry...

Ah... grown-ups. Deal with it.

As for me, I still have 5 days before Nadia's birthday party.

Next!

Next.

I'm not in good shape...

... since my mother left.

Me too, my father is away.

But that's no reason to suck at gym!

Whoa! She mega-owned you!

Go on, try again. Show her!

I don't feel like it. Not today.

Come on!

What did Nadia say?

Me too, my father is away.

My father is away.

Away.

Her father is gone!

Aww!

How are you? Hyper-well!

I have a plan. A giga top super balls plan!

A plan to get invited?

Even better. To get invited ..

... and to live with Nadia.

I don't believe it!

You're going to live with Nadia?

It's not official yet. So, hush!

Because I'm a troubled child...

... finding stability in love will do me good.

Wow Whoa!

You're gonna give her a French kiff?

Oh! How would that work?

When you do a French kiss, you must never be lower than the girl.

If you are, her drool runs into your mouth.

Yuck!

Stay above her a little bit.

That, or keep your mouth shut.

Yes, I know all that.

You wouldn't even dare to kiss a girl!

I kiss better than you! Yeah? Show us!

Can I try?

Get lost, Vomito!

Oh yes, I'm gonna kiss you, Nadia!

Yuck! I hope she'll taste better than that.

You ready, Manu?

Let's go.

Oh! Who made my sock all wet?

You really need to do this, she hyper-needs your help!

What do you want me to do to help Nadia's mother?

You could open packets of crisps or bottles.

She asked that?

She didn't ask for it. But I sensed...

It's another one of your silly stories.

Dad, please! If you do it, you save my life!

Well, okay then.

Oh, thank you, thank you... Thanks, papa!

How do you know your dad will like Nadia's mom?

Well... she'll make him like her by force.

It's called genetics.

Yeah. But if there's no love at first sight?

I'll put on the music.

Like they do in the movies, when they fall in love.

Yeah, right.

Will you lend me your CD player?

Pfff!

Come on! It's a matter of life and death.

OK. But don't break it!

And your girly CD.

I don't have a girly CD!

Of course you do.

It's not girly. It's is the Best of Princess Clara.

Yeah, well, okay. The Pinch-ass Clara CD.

Are you gonna invite me when you're living with Nadia?

Of course!

Dad, you ready?

For what?

You know... to meet Nadia's mom.

Aaahhh... Yeah, yeah.

Okay, let's go.

You can't go dressed like that!

How do you mean?

Get changed! We're not putting the garbage out!

But we will, in the future...

Okay, calm down. I'll get dressed.

What's that you're carrying around?

It's for setting the mood. Don't worry.

Oh, hi, Titeuf. Hello, sir.

Good evening. Uh... Titeuf...

Then we add the pork meat...

I'm here for the Nadia's birthday.

Titeuf told me...

You need some help... She's good!

That's nice.

I'll tell her friend's mother.

They're celebrating their birthday together.

I'll call her. Oh no! Not Dumbo's mom!

In any case, it's very nice of you.

See you soon, then.

See you soon.

Come on!

Turn that music off.

Shut up!

It's bloody disgusting to do that!

And what if your mother wants to come back to your father?

But no. My mother wants to think.

She'll find another husband.

She thinks Fido is the right one.

Fido?

Your mother is getting married to a guy named Fido?

It's a dog's name!

Wait! It isn't his real name, it's a pseud-nonym.

Actually, he's a famous actor.

Wow! Whoa!

And he played in what, this Fido?

In... uh... in...

Yeah, okay!

It's a nobody!

He hasn't been in anything!

Not at all!

He played in...

... Terminator.

Terminator? That's Schwarzenegger, you moron!

But it's him. He calls himself Fido, just to be left alone.

Do you get it?

Yeah... maybe.

And if your father puts a spermatozomide in Nadia's mom?

You thought of that?

Uh...

You'll have a little sister...

... with Nadia's head and your wick!

And your mother will have a baby with Schwarzenegger! What a family!

Horrible!

Your mother is gonna marry Ffffwarfenegger?

Do we get free movie tickets?

Yes. You may even get you a part in Jurassic Park 5...

... with your Velociraptor mug!

And you can get married to a movie ffstar...

... one that plays the role of Frankenftein!

Don't let the space Zblogs annihilate you!

You're looking for a gift for me?

Uh... A gi... gi...

A gift? Uh...

Nadia decided to invite you to our birthday party.

Because your father was so nice.

Really?

Well, it's her mother who thought he was nice. Very nice.

Is that so?

Ok, see you.

I hope you're as generous as your father.

You have reached level 3, mugul soldier.

Yes!

That's it! I'm invited!

It worked! Music, my dad, the whole thing!

You rock!

Yeah!

But now I gotta buy a gift...

... for that other mutant from the planet Radar.

Yeah...

And Nadia.

True.

What did you buy?

I bought them one My Little Pony sock each.

They are celebrating their birthday together, so they share the gift.

Right, that's not bad.

What are you gonna buy for Nadia?

I'll buy her a necklace, like in those American movies.

A necklace and after that, the girl is yours.

Whoa! Like dogs?

Right.

What?

Don't you wanna buy new shoes?

Well, no, why?

Uh... nothing.

No touching!

No problem. I want that one.

That's 18-carat gold, boy. It's a bit expensive, you know.

Nothing is too expensive for Nadia. Uh... How much?

850 euros.

Do you have the same in 18-carat plastic?

Tsssiiit!

Or with less carats?

Let's find something that suits your budget. There!

You sure?

Absolutely. Girls like humor.

But...

And mystery!

Manu, look at this!

Whoa!

And it's perfumed, too!

So classy!

She's gonna lose it when she opens it!

That's for sure. And then you make your statement.

My statement?

You must say "I love you" or something like that.

Girls don't understand if you don't.

She won't understand if I give her the necklace?

No! You must bring in the heavy artillery!

The caress of the ear, the blink of the eye, all that.

The caress of the ear?

Yes, like in the movies.

It's really sensual, the ear.

Really?

Dumbo, it is hyper sensual!

Ok then... I think.

You need a gift for the other one too.

A CD?

Are you nuts? Those are expensive!

I'm not gonna bankrupt myself for her.

Bah, and I do not know what she likes in the first place.

Buy Greg Lover or Richie Amor.

All girls love that stuff.

How do you know?

Someone told me.

Mmm ...

At this price, she'd better listen to it!

With those ears of her, I bet she can listen really well.

It's a good investment.

So, microbes? Do you have something for us?

Heh! Microbes!

What's that?

This time, they won't get my underwear!

What? Run, Manu!

What's that?

The gifts for the girls.

What did you buy? Ah! Ah!

I'm not telling. But it's hyper sensual stuff.

No girl can resist!

Come on, what is it?

If I tell you, you're gonna throw your gifts in the bin and cry.

Pfff!

I thought about your plan...

... with your father and Nadia's mother.

Well, it's not a good plan.

If your father remarries Nadia's mom...

... then Nadia will be your half-sister!

I know. So what?

You can't marry your half-sister.

Why not?

Because you can't do it. It's for-bid-den!

What? You just say that because you're jealous!

I've got a sister already! Zizie!

And that's more than enough, I assure you.

Well then, you'll have a zero-point-five sister!

And you can't marry a zero-point-five!

End of story, Mr. Sensual!

You're jealous because you've got rotten gifts!

And you don't even have a zero-point-five sister!

You're not allowed to marry!

Pfff...

You're not allowed to marry!

You're not allowed to marry!

You don't even have a zero-point-five sister!

You don't even have a zero-point-zero one!

Titeuf?

Titeuf?

You coming?

Your sister has something to say.

Uh...

Sister?

Yes. She wants to introduce us to her lover.

No, no, no, it isn't fair!

Why me?

But what...?

Aaahh!

Did you sleep well? I'm going to your friend's mom to set up the party.

See you there.

Wait, dad! Don't...

This isn't a good idea.

I don't want to be the point five of Nadia. Don't go!

Think about it, dad!

There will be Jean-Claude drooling and the dry cakes of Dumbo's mother...

What did you think of my shirt?

Super purple.

You're sure you can keep that inside?

Tell Puduk to stop farting!

Yuck!

Wanna dance?

I don't like dancing.

Oh...

Do you wanna dance?

No. I don't like music.

Me neither.

It's like I thought. Pretty lame.

Yeah, really.

You've seen the chips? There aren't anymore.

But there's this green stuff. Yeah, guacamole.

Burp! Ate too much chips!

Everything alright? It's so nice of you to help us out.

So, do you have fun?

Yes, my sister. Uh... Yes, of course!

Do you wanna dance?

Okay.

Everything ok, Titeuf?

Yes, it's the rhythm.

It does that when I dance.

When you're dancing to slow music, French kiss and bam, you're married!

Ah!

No, but... it's just, I prefer to dance alone.

I can't dance with my half-sister. It's forbidden.

What do you mean? She isn't your half-sister.

Your father hasn't put a ring on her mom's finger yet.

You can't force stuff like this. Maybe there are no good waves between them?

Brilliant!

Passion fruit? Orange juice?

Daddy! What do you want?

You have to leave...

Before your microwaves transform Nadia into a five-point.

Huh?

Are you done? It'f my turn!

What do you want, Dracula?

I'd like a cola, if poffible.

Here you are.

But what...?

What are you doing?

You're acting like a thug!

If you don't stop... Leave me alone!

Can I have my cola?

Yeah!

Madame. In all honesty, I need to tell you...

You must not accept a slow dance with my dad.

And never accept any of his spermatozomides.

Even if he helped you. Okay?

Not one spermatozomide!

That's it, I jammed the waves.

Pff! I'm hot. I'm going back to Nadia.

It's for you.

Uh...

With all my...

...my heart.

A necklace... perfumed?

Eurk! Garlic!

Ah? That's garlic?

Do you... like garlic?

It's really good for your health.

From all my heart...

You're so sweet!

The Greg Lover CD I dreamed about!

It's so romantic!

No! I...

I'm gonna explain...

So, you're Titeuf's father, eh?

That's me.

I'm Nadia's father.

It's nice to help my wife when I'm on a business trip.

Oh! Well, it's nothing. It's natural.

It is syrup? Yes. Grenadi...

I tell you, this guy is deranged.

What the hell was that about?

Do you know anything about this?

No.

The stain on your shirt, can we show it to my shrink?

Papapa...

Titeuf!

Zizie?

Titeuf!

What are you doing here?

My darlings.

We're back.

I've been thinking.

And you're my favorite dirty beast.

I'm glad you're done thinking.

Me too.

The affair with Fido, is it over?

Who's this Fido?

Titeuf!

What happened to your shirt?

Oh, that's nothing. It...

Gross!

Come with me. I'll teach you how to destroy the Grand Mugul's soldiers.

Conclusion:

Mom didn't marry and actor or a dog.

I should try to understand.

They're like that, the grown-ups. They need to think.

Am I getting a kiss, Zizie?

Oh... Zizie!

She's spent too much time with the cows.

So that's it? Your mother is back with your father?

She dropped Fido?

My friends, they're just as stupid.

I don't underftand... Your father if a movie ftar?

Above all, Jean-Claude.

Those braces made his brain rust.

Manu has explained it.

What you have done to come to the party.

For your daddy too.

It's... a little weird...

... but it's really generous.

I think it's pretty... brave, Titeuf.

I'm not wearing the necklace because of the smell...

... but it's still pretty.

Oh?

Statement! Make your statement!

Caress her ear!

This time, I can't turn back!

It's now or never!

I've been thrown into a void.

It's like I saw my life pass before my eyes.

Oohhh!

Grand Mugul!

Help me!

Oh!

Hey, kid!

You have to do it alone.

Her ear is really sensual.

Nadia...

I... love you.

Yes?

What? Uh...

Inside, now! Didn't you hear the bell?

Oh!

You told her? Yeah, sure.

Wow. And what did she say?

She? Bah... nothing.

I don't care. She didn't say anything?

She said nothing, uh ... But her eyes spoke.

She spoke with eyes?

Oh, get out of my air space!

Listen to this!

The pure flow of the playground!

It's hard to get up And to be in a good mood

When I saw Zizie eat my Jump Rodgers poster

Mom and dad are angry They saw my report card

When I arrive at school, there's a mega crisis: a surprise test

I couldn't remember any of the answers

I earned a black belt in Playstation

So I sing this rap And I tell about my misfortune

I say, leave me in peace! Get out of my air space!

Get out of my air space!

Oh, please!

The canteen today A living nightmare

The cook, he's made spinach!

I have to eat it to grow some muscles

So I can beat up the Great Diego

Later, I'm gonna be an actor or a rebel

And Nadia will be my wife because she's the hottest girl

When I see her, my heart starts pumping

I'd love to kiss her but not with the tongue

Some days it's better to have the flu

Leave me alone Get out of my air space!

Leave me alone Get out of my air space!

Get out of my air space!

There are laws on the playground Never sit next to Vomito

Or eat in front of Jean-Claude Otherwise, nuclear war

Don't make fun with the girls They're bitches

Avoid the big boys who steal your stuff

Hold your breath till you turn red in the face

When you're facing a teacher with bad breath

But despite all that, I still feel good

I swear on the top of my hair

In the meantime, you get the idea

Leave me in peace! Get out of my air space!

Leave me in peace! Get out of my air space!

Yeah, it's good Get out of his air space!

Leave me in peace! Get out of my air space!

Leave me in peace! Get out of my air space!

Girls don't play with Lego

They can't make the sound of a motorbike with their mouths

They never make noise with their asses

What's the point?

Girls don't like TV

They don't understand karate movies

During football matches, they forget to cheer

Oh, what a pity!

What's the point?

What's the point?

They can't build a model ship

And if they find Your GI Joe action figure

They want him to marry Barbie

They don't understand

What's the point?

What's the point?

So I'm sleeping in my little bed

I'm wearing my canary yellow pajamas

Sorry, girls, but you can't have my penis

Too bad!

Too bad!

Girls lock themselves in the bathroom

With all kinds of ointments

Of which I don't know anything

Girls never stay long with me

I don't know why.

Subs by Gutterballking Minor corrections by Noah Cyrus