All language subtitles for The.Perfect.Match.2016.720p.BluRay.x264-[YTS.AG]

Excuse me, hi.

You dropped your keys.

They were back there
on the ground?

Yeah, just
right over there

I'm a klutz. I'm so sorry.
Thank you so much.

Holly.

Charlie.

Charlie Mac?

The photographer?

No way! I follow you on
Instagram and Tumblr. Really?

I'm not a stalker, though.

No, no.
I know a lot of stalkers.

You don't look
like one of them.

Your photos,
they're amazing.

Thank you,
it's really just a hobby.

I'm an agent.

Listen, I hope you don't mind
me saying this,

but you look
way better in person.

So, my pictures suck?

No! I...
I'm joking, I'm joking.

Thank you.
Thank you.

So, hypothetically
speaking...

Uh-huh.
Right.

Say I might know somebody...
Okay.

Who might want to do a
photo shoot with you.

You might know somebody that
might want to do a pho...

Well, this whole hypothetical situation,
let's see...

[inhales]

They would have
to stop by my studio,

and then,
go on from there.

♫

Give me some more
of your high energy.

Just stay
having fun with it.

[camera shutter clicking]

[]breathing heavily]

That was amazing.

Great shoot.

(Rick)
Hey, check this out.

"Hashtag
Throwback Thursday."

Uh-huh. Aw!
Aw, that's cute!

Who would've thought
this little boy

would turn out to be
a porn director?

[all laughing]

Wait, you're a
porn director?

No, I'm not
a porn director.

I just did it one time
to pay for school.

Mmm!
Leave Rick alone.

Where was that at?

That was in front of Charlie's
grandmother's house, right?

Yeah, that was the day Charlie and
Sherry moved into the neighborhood.

I can't believe that
was 20 years ago.

Uh-huh.
What was 20 years ago?

Here he is! You were 20 years ago.
What up, man?

Charlie Mac is in the house.
What's good?

My dawg, what up?
You good?

Hey, guys,
this is Fawn.

Uh, Fawn,
this is everyone.

Hey, you know what, Fawn?
I'm gonna move like this...

Oh.
Hi, Fawn.

Well, Charlie and Fawn,
this is Dana.

Charlie, uh,
Dana is my friend

that I was
telling you about.

The one that I invited here tonight,
so you could meet her.

Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you, too.

So, it's "Fawn",
like a baby deer?

No, like "Dawn",
but with an "F."

(Victor) We are so glad
you could join us.

So glad.
Speak for yourself.

Have we made a decision?
Perfect timing, um...

Let's get everybody a round.
Okay.

And I'll take a Manhattan.
All right.

How's the wedding planning going?
Great. New subject.

Okay.
How's life at the agency?

Oh, we're
kicking ass, man.

Things are going great.
Tavaysha is killing it.

Uh, I just signed
Fawn, here.

She's a big Vine star.

Say what?
That's a thing?

Duh. It's like,
YouTube star.

Okay, um, well now
that everyone is here,

I would like
to ask a question.

Here we go.

And as I always say, you don't have
to answer if you don't want to.

Well, before you
ask your question,

let me ask you
a question.

Did you ask NetNews if we're gonna
get paid for all these surveys?

You work for NetNews?
(Ginger) Mmm-hmm.

I have literally always
wanted to be on there.

Oh, well, Ginger's a relationship
columnist for them,

so here's your chance.

Uh, Ginger, you got
some questions to ask?

Um, okay, um...

What is your deal breaker
in a relationship?

(Rick)
Oh, that's simple.

I couldn't be with anyone
who doesn't want a family.

Well, I couldn't be with anyone
who doesn't give head.

[all laughing]

Baby, I'm talking
about family,

and you talking
about giving head?

Oh, I'm not talking
about giving it, honey.

I'm talking
about getting it.

[all laughing]

Okay, okay. Stop.
Dana, what would yours be?

I would say,
my deal breaker would be...

I don't know, I feel like relationships
are so up and down,

that if two people really love
each other and communicate,

there would be
no deal breaker

(Ginger)
I like that a lot.

Chuck,
it's your turn.

Uh, I don't do relationships,

so I don't really have
a deal breaker.

Oh, does Fawn know that?

Oh, I couldn't be with anyone who,
like, doesn't work out.

No offense.
You're talking to me?

(Ginger)
I don't understand you.

I don't get it. I don't get why
you don't do relationships.

Come on,
are we doing this now?

Maybe that's our cue.
I think I'm gonna go to the ladies' room.

I'm just, uh, gonna go take
some pics out front.

You take some pics.
You send me some pics.

You Snapchat me.

Why do you do it?

Do what?

Bring these little
dinky girls around.

I mean, you've been doing it
since high school, okay?

You're about to be
30 years old.

It's time to grow up.
Doesn't it get old?

Nope, it stays
right around 20.

Whack.
It's not whack.

You know what?
All I know is that you are not bringing

one of these little floozies
to my wedding.

You're right,
I'll bring two floozies to your wedding.

Hey, Victor,
can I have a plus two?

You don't...

[laughs] That is not funny,
Chucky.

[all]
Oh!

You know I hate that name.

Gloves off now.

(Charlie)
You don't want to take it there?

You're lucky I didn't
call you something worse.

And if you keep it up, you're
gonna end up with a plus zero.

(Ginger)
Thank you!

(Ginger) Why would you
even bring her,

if I told you that
I was gonna bring Dana?

I'm not trying
to date Dana.

Why not?
Because she's your friend.

And you guys
know my rules.

[all groaning]

You and these fuckin' rules.
Come on.

We gotta do
the rules again?

All right,
don't touch my camera,

don't wear heels
in my house,

and don't be a friend
of my friend,

'cause I won't
date you.

That don't make
no damn sense.

It makes perfect sense.

You guys know
how I am with women.

As soon as
I have sex with them,

it's like all of my interest
magically disappears.

And I don't know
what to do after that.

So, uh, you know,
if you hook her up with me,

she's gonna end up
hating you,

it'll destroy your friendship,
and I don't want that.

Hmm.

You know what?
Actually, that is probably

the most mature thing
you've said in a long time.

You have a point.

Plus, I thought
she'd be fugly,

like the rest
of your friends.

Oh, man,
you were doing so good!

Most of her friends
are ugly!

[all arguing]

Nate the Animal!
What up, Charlie? My man.

The usual, please, sir.
Let me get a Greek Goddess with cayenne...

And dark chocolate.
Coming right up.

Wait, hold on, Nate. I'll have Sunny
D with a shot of love, please.

Of course you will.
Thank you.

Charlie,
I'm starting to think

that us meeting
at this juice truck

is your way of avoiding
deep conversation with me.

I kinda feel
a bit hurt.

Hi, sister.
Hi, baby.

You never
call me anymore.

I texted you
yesterday.

That's so impersonal.
That doesn't count.

The sound
of a human voice,

it does things
to our soul, to our heart.

Okay.
Okay?

By the way...

I'm going to Mom and Dad's
grave on Sunday,

and I think
you should come.

I'll try.
You need to start dealing

with your issues, Charlie.

I think that's why you have
so many walls up.

You know,
your heart is frozen

because of your
emotional immaturity

and your unwillingness
to accept

that you are deeply
scared of love.

Charlie!

Hey, you.
Uh...

Hi.

Tammi.
Tammi. Tammi, looking good.

You look fantastic.

Then, why have you
been avoiding me?

I'm not avoiding you.

I texted you,
I called you...

Tammi.
Let me stop you, right there.

It's...
It's Tammi, right?

No, don't put
the wall up.

Come back,
come back.

Look at me.

I'm guessing
you've got daddy issues.

That's why you seek approval
in these shallow relationships

I'm not that shallow.

That only leaves you
feeling depressed.

Do you go to sleep
every night crying?

Bottle of whiskey
by your bedside, huh?

Watching re-runs
of Friends,

feeling cheap
and unwanted?

I've been there.

Hey, I helped
Miley Cyrus.

I can help you, too.

Who is she?

I've never met...
I'm his sister, and I'm a therapist.

And baby,
I think you need a hug,

and my card, okay?

Look,
I do pro bono work, I just...

You might not be
able to afford me,

'cause you know,
I've upped my prices recently...

Thank you.
But l...

I'm gonna call you.
You do that now.

I'm gonna call you.

Listen, I'll be the mom
you never had.

Your daddy loves you.
Are you...

Is she flirting
with me right now?

You men always think
you don't need therapy.

It's hilarious.

You know,
I have this client,

wrote this whole song about how
he's not worried about anything.

Turns out, that's all
he talks about in therapy.

How he's worried about this,
worried about that.

Got a girl, and maybe she doesn't
think his penis is big enough.

He's worried about that.
And you know what?

Comes in every single session
with a monkey,

clutching it,
like it's his baby blanket.

You treat French Montana?
What?

Rapper, monkey...
No!

Ain't Worried
About Nothin'?

How did you get French
Montana from that?

Because he has
a monkey.

No, that is not
who I'm talking about.

He has a big record called,
Ain't Worried About...

No, it's not French Montana. Do you
know how many people have pet monkeys?

A lot of people
have them, yeah.

[man]
Morning, Charlie.

Nick.

Good to see you.
Good morning, Terri. Hi.

Hi, Tiffany.

Good morning, Kareem.
Good morning.

Is Dallas
in my office?

No, Dallas
is in Texas.

Really?
No, really, actually he is.

He sent his protege
Timothy DeLaGhetto.

He's inside waiting for you.
Got it.

Roll my calls in 30,
and my coffee.

It's already
on your desk, sir.

Black, two Stevias,
next to the trades.

Yes. And again,
no "sir," okay?

Call me "Charlie",
"Charlie Mac." Don't call me "sir."

Yes, sir.
I mean, Charlie.

Charlie Mac.

Stupid joke.

Timothy.
Hey, what's up, man?

I like that coat.
It's nice. Thank you.

Thank you
so much, man.

You are on fire
right now.

I'm trying, man.

What is it, three million
followers on YouTube? Yep.

600 million views
was the last email?

600 million views.

Love it.
So, what's next?

That's why I wanted
to talk to you.

I think I'm ready
to start this new project.

Mmm-hmm.
I'm trying to be like the Asian Will Smith.

The Asian Will Smith?
Yeah.

TV, movies,
Grammys, all that.

I love it.
I love the ambition. All right?

We're gonna slow it down
just a little bit.

Now, back to YouTube...

[Abram shouting]

Abram, I'm here
with a client.

[sighs]
A client?

Who is he?

An important client.

Okay.
It doesn't matter.

I have real business
to discuss.

Could you excuse me?

Yeah.

I'm sorry.
I didn't shake hands.

What's the very
short version?

Marty is about to call us
in the conference room for a meeting,

'cause I just signed
this huge company.

They have a shitty product,
but it doesn't matter

'cause they threw
a shit-ton of money at it.

And of course,
I told them I could recoup the money.

I just need a brilliant plan
from you, my man,

uh, to make sure that the agency
doesn't get fucked in the ass

for the next 20 years with lawsuits.
You know what I mean?

I hate when you do that.

Hate when I do what?
Sign big companies?

And why are you
still riding on that?

Why do you not
have one of these?

We're about to be in The Jetsons season.
[phone rings]

Premiere Edge,
Charlie Mclntyre's office.

[woman] Conference room
in five minutes. Okay.

That was Marty's assistant. He wants to
meet you in the conference room in five.

All right.

Give me everything
you have on...

Mobilo Tech lndustries.
Mobilo Tech lndustries.

Text it to my phone
immediately.

And tell Tim
"I'm sorry,

"something came up."
All right?

We'll re-schedule,
as soon as possible.

No, he won't
because this is more important.

It's great to meet you.
Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Sit down.

Good morning.
Who was that?

Mobilo Tech.
Have you heard of them?

(Charlie) No.
Neither has the rest of the world.

They created an app that was
obsolete before it even launched.

And what does
this app do, you ask?

Blocks unwanted callers.

So, what's the problem
with that?

Cell phones already have
that feature on the phone.

(Marty)
You're goddamn right!

I can go
to my iPhone right now,

scroll down
to my skank ex-wife's contact

and hit
"block this caller."

Normally,
I would tell these guys

to drive their non-pussy-getting hybrid

off the San Francisco Bay Bridge,

but I can't 'cause we're courting
their parent company.

Oh, it also has
a retina scan component,

for testing
your emotional state,

or some sissy bullshit.

Look, these guys
lost me at "hello."

How do we give
these sagging tits a facelift?

You lost weight.
You look great, Marty.

Ah, thanks.

Back to this app.
Me and Abram were just meeting about it.

We have some great ideas,

just need a little time
to flesh it out.

(Marty) Great, you've got
till Wednesday.

Yeah, I need a happy ending
by Wednesday.

Good talk.

I got no idea
what I'm gonna do.

I gotta come up with
something brilliant, man.

I've never even
heard of Mobilo Tech.

[sighs] I didn't think
you were gonna make it.

I thought
you had to work.

Nah, my freaking boss
cut back on my hours.

Permanently?
I don't know.

But it couldn't come
at a worse time.

Do you have any idea
how much peonies cost?

What's a peony? I don't know, but
they sound expensive as shit.

This wedding
is killing me.

And I had to deal
with Ginger talking about

you bringing Fawn
to dinner all night.

My bad.
"My bad."

It wouldn't hurt if you would just
try to get into a relationship.

Like the rest of us.
No.

What happened
to Ginger's friend, Dana?

She was fine,
but that's not the point.

Listen, man,
you know my rules.

Yes, I do know your rules
and those rules are stupid.

They're very smart rules.
They're ridiculous!

Strategic rules.
Especially the shoe thing.

It doesn't make any sense.

If you take
a girl's shoes off,

you're one step closer
to taking her pants off.

Slide move.
That works?

Yeah. Plus,
it's sanitary.

They don't scuff up
your floors...

You've gotta
think, man.

(Victor) Starting to make
a little bit of sense... Hey!

There he goes.
Uh-oh, come on.

Shut up and run.
Come on, struggle bear.

You can do it.
You said you've been working out, man.

Fuck you.

Are you thirsty?
You want some water?

Water is for pussies.

You were talking crazy
about Fawn the other day.

You couldn't go one round
with her in this shape.

Please, sex-durance and hike-durance
are completely different shit.

Pressie and I have been having sex,
like, 10 times a day

trying to have this kid,

and this is way easier
than that.

What'd you just say?

Motherfucker,
I know "sex-durance" isn't a word.

Get off my motherfucking back.
Wait, wait.

I think Chucks
is talking about

you saying you and Pressie
are trying to have a kid.

I said that out loud?
Yeah, you said it out loud.

Are y'all trying
to have a kid or not?

I thought I was using
my inside voice.

Yes, we're trying
to have a kid.

That's awesome, man.
Congratulations.

Why you ain't tell us, man?

Stop messing around. Stop messing around.
She's not pregnant yet.

[screams]

(Charlie)
Wait up!

♫

You put it...

Okay, this is some Fifty Shades shit.
I can't.

Look, I told you, I don't want all
of this stuff at my bachelorette.

Where else are we gonna find
little cups with penises?

Besides, I'm...
I'm not only here for you.

Oh, you and Rick
use toys?

Not usually,
but we need something to spice it up.

Trying to have
this baby is a haze.

And I never thought
I would say this.

I think I hate sex.

[laughs] Oh, no!
That's not good.

Oh. Yeah,
I'm gonna need this.

Oh, girl, you do not want to get
that water-based lube.

Trust me,
it'll dry up so fast

and your man
will be going in,

and you'll be like,
"Oh, hell no."

Oh.

Get the silicone base.

Oh, yes, definitely.

(Ginger)
Excuse me. Uh, hi.

You just seem very
educated on the subject.

Um, my friend here, she's trying
to spice up her sex life.

Do you have, um,
anything that you would suggest?

Do I?
How much time you got?

[laughs]

Girl, you must be
trying to have a baby.

Me and my man went
through the same thing.

All right, uh,
this miniature whip

is good for when he's
slacking off with the stroke.

Give him a little pow.
Oh!

(French Montana)
♫ I ain't worried 'bout nothin' ♫

♫ Nigga, I ain't worried
'bout nothin' ♫

I don't understand
how she does that.

I don't know why you don't
want to see her again.

Guys,
I've moved on.

Look, you should too,
all right?

Man, I'm just trying to live
vicariously through you.

Hey!

Hey, Charlie.
The usual? Yes, sir.

Hey, y'all want anything?

(Victor)
Nope. Cool.

And make sure to send me the schedule
for the juice truck next week.

Absolutely, man.
I'll do that.

Hot dog! Yes, sir!

Hey, Caroline.
Hi.

[sighs]
You, sir.

I gotta say,
all these one-night stands,

I think you're missing out, brother.

I'm with Vic
on this one.

Guys, what the hell
am I missing out on, all right.

You jack off to pictures
of the women I date.

Okay, first of all,
that was one time.

And you said
you weren't gonna say nothin'.

Is that the chick...

Holy shit.
That's her.

Who?

Don't... Don't look.
Don't look, all right?

What am I not looking at?
Guys, stop looking.

She's right there.

That's the dime piece I was telling you
all about from work the other day.

She left before
I could holler.

God damn,
I would tear that ass up.

Hey, hey, it's not
always about sex, Charlie.

Says Mr. Celibacy.

Hey, I bet if you
were with a woman

and gave it a shot
you'd get caught up.

That you could actually
have a conversation with.

No, I would not.
Yeah, you would.

No, I wouldn't.
How do you know?

You never even tried.

Yeah, because
I know me, all right?

Look, you've been dreaming about being
with Ginger since we were kids.

You've been dreaming about having
little Ricky's running around.

I've been dreaming about making money,
driving a fast car,

and fucking models.

We're not built the same.

I call bullshit.
Bullshit, homey.

Sorry, you're just covering.

You are trying to protect yourself
from falling in love.

Dude, I don't know what
y'all are talking about, man.

All right, so take us on a bet.
(Victor) Mmm-hmm.

You date a woman
till Vic's wedding,

and see if you get attached.

The same woman.

What does that mean?
So I gotta date one.

I could smash other joints.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You don't get
to date and smash.

It's a package deal.

Date one, smash one. One.

So I gotta date one girl
and hang with the same girl?

Yes, dating and hanging.
That's kinda how it works. Until his wedding.

My wedding.

Deal.
I'll take you up.

One woman until
Victor's wedding.

And when
I do this,

the two of y'all will agree
to never bring this shit up again.

All right. And when
you don't do this,

our reward will be
finally seeing you happy.

Nah, I don't like that reward.
No?

My reward idea would be something
like a 3D, flat screen television.

You know what?
Let's keep it 100. How about this?

When you lose this bet,

I get to deliver the best
man's speech at his wedding.

Are you okay
with this?

I am all kinds
of okay with it.

Deal. To the eye's.
Mmm.

To the eye's.
I got you.

Make it real. To the eye's.
There it is.

(Nate) Greek Goddess,
cayenne, dark chocolate.

Idiot.

Oh, I'm sorry.
That's...

This is mine.

That's a Greek Goddess
with cayenne and dark chocolate.

That's my drink.

Eva.

I saw you earlier this
week at Premiere Edge.

Yeah, you did.

So...
So...

I'm a dime, huh?
Yes, you are.

And you would
tear my ass up.

(Charlie)
Oh, shit.

You heard
our conversation.

Yeah, you boys
were kinda loud.

I'm sorry.
Let me make it up to you.

That's okay.
Don't worry about it.

No, no.
Hold on. Hold on.

Here's my card.
Let me take you out.

(Eva)
No, but thank you.

I know your type.
You're the Lothario, right?

The Lothario? Yeah. You think you
know everything about women.

You could teach me
what I don't know.

You couldn't handle me.
(Nate) Greek Goddess with cayenne and dark chocolate.

But good luck with your bet.
[man yells]

Oh, shit, man.

It's all good.
I probably deserved that.

Sorry about that,
Charlie.

I got this.
It's all good.

It's all...
Don't worry about it.

That was very
valiant of you, Charlie.

Your drink is ready.

Damn.

Hey, Kareem,
I need that research on Mobilo Tech.

Sir, um... Send it to my...
What are you...

Hello?

Avatia is here.

She wants me to purify the
space before she comes in.

Karen, you know
you're supposed

to schedule with Kareem
and not just show up?

What are you...
I'm sorry.

I'm using
the purification app.

Seriously?
What are you doin'?

[sighs]
Avatia is driving me nuts.

She's driven everyone away. Just about
everybody has quit. The housekeeper has quit.

The feng shui
specialist has quit.

Do you know her
Italian Greyhound ran away?

Only it didn't run away.
It went to a neighbor's house

because it just wanted
to get away from Avatia.

Okay. Okay, Karen.
Calm down, all right?

I'll fix it.
Send her in.

That's all, Boris.

Avatia. Seriously?

Oh, my spiritual advisor
says that I should conserve

my personal energy,
whenever I can.

And it's good to keep
your feet off the Earth

for at least an hour a day.

You know couches
do that, right?

Oh, so all this on Twitter about you
acting like a crazy diva is true?

You know what?
I don't appreciate that, Charlie,

but my advisor says
that I can't engage

in any negative
facial expressions.

So, Karen does
that for me now.

Karen.

[growls]
(Charlie) You gotta be kidding me.

Oh, y'all
are serious?

Boris, whole
purification act.

Babe, this is all
hurting your fan base.

People want their stars
to be relatable.

Right now, your fans
are unfollowing you

as fast as they're
creating memes about you.

[snaps fingers]
Karen.

Look, Avatia.
I believe in you,

but this is
a big opportunity.

You're up for a major
part in a Marvel film.

But the studio's
not gonna hire you,

if they think
you're gonna be trouble.

I am not trouble.

That...
Did you spray that in my hair?

No, no, no.
...is trouble.

You know,
I know you.

Huh?

You do this every
time you get afraid.

This is a new career for you.
I get it.

[sighs]

Listen, the director and his team
want to meet me.

Yeah, that's fine.
I'll be right there with you.

They said alone.

I'll fix it.

Okay?
Okay.

You and me, we'll take
this first step together, okay?

All right, now,
I want you to get up.

Boris, stop.
Just stop, all right?

Just stand down.

We'll take this first step
together, okay?

Cut all that
craziness out.

But my spiritual
advisor says...

Should concentrate
on your spirit.

I got your career.

Okay.

You go,
you pop star, you.

Okay. Bye, bye.

Knock 'em dead.
All right, now.

Oh, my God.
Charlie, you are like...

The Diva Whisperer.
Yeah.

Thank you.
All in a day's work.

You know,
that's what I do.

I heard.
You did my friend Julie.

Julie...

Did you
not call her?

Yeah.

I'm worried
about your karma.

I thought l...
I didn't text her?

This is my gift to you.

Namaste.

[phone beeps]

I'm surprised
you texted me.

I'll admit, I'm intrigued
by your situation.

You really think
some people

aren't meant to be
in relationships?

I believe everyone's
different.

So, you've never been
in a long-term relationship?

No. You?

I've never been
in a short relationship.

So why are we here?

Well...

I'm not sure that you're
my type, Charlie.

But I like that
about you.

Well, I'm not sure
you're my type.

Really?
Yeah.

What's your type?
Fun...

No expectations.

So, no strings, right?
No strings.

Well, you might be right.
Maybe I'm not your type.

But...

I wanna try something new.

Something different.

But I can't be
in a relationship right now.

So, what are you saying?

So, I'm saying...

keep your phone handy.

(Kareem)
♫ I ain't worried 'bout nothin' ♫

♫ I ain't worried 'bout nothin' ♫

♫ I ain't worried
'bout nothin' ♫

Kareem...
♫ Ridin' round with that work ♫

♫ Strapped up with that Nina ♫

♫ Got two bad bitches with me ♫
Kareem?

Oh, uh, I'm sorry.

I was just talking
to my ex on my phone.

And I'm worried.
I mean, I'm not worried.

You know,
'cause I got it all under control.

And there's nothin' to worry about.
No, no, no.

It was... Stop.
No need to apologize.

(Kareem) It ain't nothin' to worry about,
I'm sorry.

That's brilliant.

(Kareem) That shouldn't
have happened, at all.

Get my sister
on the phone.

[phone ringing]

Yes, uh, I'm calling
from Charlie Mclntyre's office.

Too thirsty.

Sir, uh, Charlie...
Not "Sir Charlie."

Your sister's
on the line.

Tell her,
I'll hit her from the car.

[doorbell rings]

Hey.
Hey.

I wasn't sure you
were still coming.

Me, either.

Um, uh, water.

Yeah. Thanks.
Yeah?

Do you... Do you want still
or sparkling?

Holy shit.

Hmm, think
you might've busted my lip.

I'm sorry.
I get pretty excited.

No need
for an apology.

[sighs]

I'll get you
some water.

Thank you.

Do you actually
have wine?

(Charlie) Yep. As a matter
of fact, I do.

Is this a LaChappelle?

(Charlie) No, actually.
It's mine.

You have a great eye.
What do you shoot with?

I used a Nikon D700
for that.

But you know, what I really
want is a vintage Leica.

It's just hard to find.
Those things are like tanks.

You into photography?

It looks good on you,
by the way.

Well, I'm into
a lot of things.

Really?
Really.

Cheers.

Mmm.
Mmm.

That's good.

What is this?

It's Carmenere.

I call it the
House of Cards wine,

'cause that's what they
were drinking on the show.

It's so good.

This is the same wine that Claire
Underwood drinks on the show?

Don't...
Don't do that.

Don't try to act like you
know about House of Cards,

to, like,
connect with me.

That's like...
Don't try to do that.

Stop.

You're into
House of Cards?

Who isn't into
House of Cards?

That's my show.
I love that show.

So, this situation, then?

Mmm-hmm?

It's just fun.

No attachments.
No strings, right?

Look at this face.
All fun, no attachments. [laughs]

None of that.
It's all fun?

Yeah.
Okay, yeah.

Well, good.
'Cause I need fun.

You do?
I do.

I need fun.
Mmm, who doesn't?

Give me another one.
Come here.

Hey, baby.
Close the door.

Baby.

Okay, I know I have
some strong swimmers,

but I don't think they
could swim that fast.

I'm not one of your hussies
on your dating show, Rick, okay?

I'm a fucking lady.

Close the door!

Ugh.

Hey, I'm gonna go down
and make some hot cocoa.

You want some?
Of course I do.

[chuckling]

All right.

Here's your hot cocoa
with all the accoutrements.

I got some
tiny marshmallows,

got the whipped cream,

and a little bourbon to
take the edge off. Rick!

What? You know
I can't be drinking.

If that test in there
comes out positive,

our baby's gonna come out with
her eyes too close together.

Babe, I was playin'.
The bourbon is for me.

Ugh.
Why you playin'?

What if something's
really wrong with us?

There's nothing wrong with us,
honey, I promise.

We've been trying
for seven months.

Yeah, that
sounds about right.

You just got off
of birth control.

Just because
you love vagina,

doesn't mean
you're a gynecologist.

I never said
I was a gynecologist.

I just think
you're overreacting.

And by "overreacting" I mean we
just need to give it more time.

Oh.
Yeah.

Look, if the test is negative,
we can always try again.

Oh! I don't wanna have any more sex.
What?

This shit
has become work,

and I don't
wanna work.

I wanna be
a stay-at-home mom.

I hear that.

If you hear that,
put the whipped cream down.

I want a baby.

Come here.

[sighs]

Look,
if the test is negative,

I promise we'll go
to the fertility specialist.

For real?
For real.

You promise?
I promise.

You're crazy.
You know that, right?

I know.
Yeah.

I like that
about you, though.

Let's go see
if we got a plus or minus.

Come on.
Come on.

♫

French Montana.
You're Charlie, right?

Yeah, man.
What up?

We met at Puff's house
at the pool party that time.

No, I remember.

You got them big
endorsement deals, man.

The big money man.

Yo, now, that's
what I do, man.

Try to make money
for my clients, yo.

It's so random
running into you here, man.

The universe must be
bringing us together,

'cause I got
a deal on the table

that will be a big check
for you, man.

If you're talkin' them kinda numbers
you got him, man, sign me in now.

All right,
let's do this, man.

Stop by the Premier Edge office.
Let me sign you up.

Hold on, before
you sign me up, dawg,

I gotta make sure
your swag is right.

Make sure,
you know what I mean?

French, it's Charlie Mac
you're talking to.

Make sure you rollin'
in the hannghhh!

I got the hannghhh!
Hannghhh!

Hannghhh!
Hannghhh!

Nah, you ain't got it.

But I fuck wit' you, though.

You know
what I'm sayin'?

Yeah, man, so, I mean,
let's exchange numbers...

Put my number
in your phone.

If you find any kind of deal,
you know.

Okay, yeah.
Charlie.

Nice to meet you.

I gotta check
in with Julius real quick.

Yeah, listen,
I'm great with managers.

Send him my contact info.
Tell him to call me. We'll work it out.

I like that suit
though, playboy.

Thank you. You know, I'm keepin'
it together, man.

You look sharp.
I need a chain maybe.

Yo, I gotta ask you, man.

If there's only
three of y'all,

why does everybody
drive their own car?

Space.

You never know who you gonna kidnap
by the end of the night, my brother.

Now, you make sure
you use that contact.

Will do, man.
Let's make this money.

Did you catch him?
Yes.

Well, I hope
it was worth it.

That was on the verge
of being unethical.

I mean, in fact, I'm pretty sure
I was completely unethical.

You owe me big time,
little brother.

I'm taking you to lunch.

A real lunch?
A real lunch.

A proper lunch?
A proper lunch.

No juice?
No juice.

That makes
me so happy.

That means we'll have time
for a good long chat.

There's so much that
you and I need to discuss.

Because you're at a pinnacle age,
right now...

No. Mmm-mmm.
Not happening.

We're not talking
about my personal life, okay?

But I do need to know
about French's manager.

Who's this dude Julius?

Oh, Julius, yeah. He's the
one that referred me to him.

He's a monkey.

But he's a very reasonable man...
Monkey.

All right... Listen, I would not
underestimate Julius.

He's important
to that man's life.

I don't know
if you're playin'...

He's his guide.
He's his spiritual teacher.

Would you please
slow down?

I don't even know how you
walk so fast in those shoes.

Okay, this is the place in LA
to get your wedding cake.

They're, like, booked up
five months in advance

for a cake tasting appointment,
we can't be late.

Yes, but online, it says they
give out boxes of free samples

with no appointment
necessary.

So it's not even...
Okay, you know what?

Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.

We cannot get our wedding
cake from a sample rack.

But it's so sweet that you
took interest in it, baby.

You, like, went online
and did... Oh, oh...

Thank you.

Did you know
that Oprah said

if she ever got married that she
would get her cake from here?

I mean, we're
just like Oprah.

Why would I
know that?

Hello. We're here
for the cake tasting.

Jesus Christ.

Fuck me!

[mouthing]
I'm sorry.

Um, baby...

Yeah, so listen.

Oprah probably isn't getting
married at this point,

so we should probably
take that as a sign

and then get our cake
from somewhere else.

No! We're gonna
get our cake here...

Mmm. With all your extras.
Come on.

Enjoy.
Thank you.

Thank you,
sweetheart.

Here we go.
Yeah. Looks delicious.

Mmm, that's delicious.

It is.
It tastes really expensive.

Hmm, carrot cake.

Is it 24 karats
for 6,000 fucking dollars?

Well, take a seat,
gentlemen.

Marty will be
right with you.

Thank you.

Can I get you anything,
Charlie?

No, I'm good.
Thank you.

What's up.

No, please.
Don't worry about me, Chesty.

I'm fine. I wasn't
thirsty anyways, you know?

Thanks for asking.

Abram. Abram!

Just try not to be offensive
for the next 10 minutes.

When am I
ever offensive?

Fine.
Here's the deal.

We're gonna walk in there.
You're gonna let me do all the talking.

You just nod your head,

give an occasional
"It's a no-brainer"

here and there,
all right?

Long story short,
just don't fuck this up.

I'll be as smooth as Barry
White after a bikini wax.

(Marty)
Okay, send them in.

[sighs]

He's ready for you.

Okay, gentlemen.
Knock my fuckin' socks off.

It's a no-brainer.

We need new talent.
Mmm-hmm.

We need to work from the
talent we already have

and we need to find a way
to make this app relevant.

I have a way to...
We have a way to.

We have a way
to do all three.

Explain.

I signed French Montana.
Who?

♫ I ain't worried 'bout nothin' ♫

♫ Ridin' round with that Nina ♫

♫ Ridin' round
with that AK ♫

It's his song.
I'm just gonna be...

Uh...

Well, that's fan-fucking-tastic,
Charlie.

How'd you do it?

I promised him
a multi-million dollar

licensing deal
with Mobilo Tech.

Elaborate.

First of all,
this app doesn't suck.

You see, most smart phones
don't seamlessly block

all of your unwanted calls
or texts.

This app does. It also blocks
them from your social media,

but that's not
the most revolutionary part.

Sir! Sir!

It uses retina
recognition technology

to determine
your emotional state of mind.

So before you get
to drunk dial, it saves you.

I mean, it's kind of just like
the alcohol breathalyzer thing.

You know, you breathe into it
before you drive the car.

I...
I don't have one...

Secondly. Another one of my
clients is a big YouTube star.

Millions of followers.

We're gonna get him
to post an "organic" video

about blocking
an ex-girlfriend,

but then missing her.

Getting a little too drunk
and going to call her

and then getting
saved by the app.

Meanwhile,
we'll have French Montana's

I Ain't Worried About Nothin'
playin' in the background

because he won't have to.

And now that we own
the licensing to it,

that video
is gonna be shared

tens of millions
of views.

Here's the bottom line.

Our YouTube star is gonna get
some big advertising dollars.

French Montana
gets a big licensing fee.

Mobilo Tech's downloads?
Through the roof.

And the best part is, Marty,

we get a piece
of all the action.

It's a no-brainer.

[phone rings]

Oh, uh, Kareem,
go on without me.

Yeah,
I'll see you downstairs.

Hello.

Hey.

A phone call.

No, I know.
Everyone texts.

I like phone calls.

It's more personal.
Not that we're personal.

Well, it just so happens that I have
an opening in my schedule for lunch.

You know,
that's such a coincidence.

I have an opening in my
schedule for lunch as well.

Really?
Really.

Have you ever been
to Red O on Melrose?

(Charlie) No, but I'm sure
I could find it.

See you there
in 20 minutes?

Nineteen.

♫

[exhales]

[sighs]

[exhales]

That was great.
Unbelievable.

[knocking]

Bye.

[sighs]

See you later.

[knocking]

[high voice]
I'm coming.

Hi, hello.
How are you doing?

It's all yours.
It's all yours.

[club music playing]

[all laughing]

Yo, yo!
Here we go.

There he is.
What's up, Vic?

You know, I'm good.
How're you?

Good to see you.

Well, look who decided to
bless us with his presence.

Don't do that, all right? You just
sent the text, like five minutes ago.

Look, we had a date
scheduled with our DVR.

We want to watch six episodes of Power.
What's goin' on?

Oh, I'm sorry.

What was so important you
had to tell us in person?

Do I have all your attention?
(Rick) We're here, yes.

(Pressie)
Come on.

Well, you guys are now
looking at the senior editor

of the Lifestyle
section of NetNews.

[all cheering]
It's me.

I did it!

(Charlie)
Nice!

Hold on, hold on.
So, what does this mean?

Full creative control
over the whole thing?

It is. And they, uh,
they doubled my salary.

[all cheering]

That's worth a toast.

All right.
Gettin' that paper, baby.

Thank you.

I'll be right back.

Now you can pay me back
that money you owe me.

Yes. Yes.

Yo.

Yo, man.
Hmm.

You seem a little bummed.
That's good news, man.

It is...
It is good news.

Hey, man. Good news. Good news.

Yep, okay.

So, I have a question
for you guys.

Would you come
to my wedding

if it was
in a park?

Fuck, yeah.

I'm not sure your fiance would,
but I'd be there.

Clearly, we're talkin'
about something else.

What's up?
You know what?

I don't even wanna
talk about it.

New topic.
You. The bet.

What's the update?
Uh-huh.

Oh, you know what?

This might cheer
you up, man.

Now, seriously...

I met a girl.

I told you.

I mean, this girl
is special, man.

When she walks
in the room,

it's like I hear Michael
Jackson's Butterflies.

Like, you remember how you felt
at the end of The Notebook?

Dude, oh, really?

It's like that every...
Really?

Yes, it's like...
No, man. Come on, guys.

What the fuck
is wrong with y'all, man?

Dawg, you think
I'm gonna fall for some...

No! The sex is amazing.
She's cool, but I'm good.

Not everybody
wants that.

You're a dickhead, man.
A shitty human being.

Thank you. What more should
we expect from the guy

who put out a "wanted" ad
for a fuck buddy in college, right?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

We're getting old.
We're getting very old.

Yeah, but you like 19-year-old girls,
so it doesn't matter.

Check it out. Check it out.
Look, look, look.

You know what?
Um...

How are you, man?

Can I get a round of whatever
they're drinking sent over,

and my card,
as well.

Thank you.

What?

For after the wedding.
Seriously.

'Cause after
I win this bet,

I'm gettin' right back
to where I started.

Why are we
friends with him?

'Cause he's the best ho
we ever met in our life, man.

Man, that dude would
fuck everything.

Coffee's bad for you.

What's up, champ?

(Charlie) Don't you think it's strange
Marty's coming down here?

I've never seen him
out of his office.

Maybe he's coming
to give us a handjob

and tell us
we just made partner.

(Marty)
Good morning, gentlemen.

Morning, sir.
So...

I was lying in bed
last night, thinking.

I often do my best thinking
after a nice rub and tug,

and my thoughts
reflected on,

are we eking out the most
profit we can from this deal?

The French Montana deal?

No, the fucking
Vanilla lce deal.

Yes, the French Montana deal.

You're planning to put
him out on tour, yeah?

Yeah, absolutely.
I actually wanted to tell you guys,

Drake's people just called.

They wanna go out
on tour with him.

Wow!
Did you tell him yet?

No, not yet...
Don't.

Let's put him out on the Premier
Edge tour we're planning to promote.

He'll be our headliner,

shining his light
on our clients

that we're aiming
to promote.

That's brilliant, sir.
Thank you.

Sir, sir?
Hold on.

That doesn't make sense.

Why would he do
the Premiere Edge tour,

when he'd make way more money
if he went on tour with Drake?

Right,
but Premiere Edge will.

He'll be
the headliner.

First time, the first guy
through the door.

And it's good
for the ego.

What, are
you banging this guy?

[sighs]
No, sir.

Whose name are
on your checks,

Premiere Edge
or French Vanilla?

Premiere Edge.

And it's French Montana, sir.

Make it happen.

Good talk.

Why are you arguing with Marty?

We just signed French, and the first
thing we're gonna do is screw him?

Technically, it's
the second thing.

I mean, you just signed a huge
multi-million dollar

licensing deal for him.

That's not the point.

We still gotta tell him that
Drake wants to go out on tour.

Believe it or not,
I agree with you.

It is fucked up, okay?

But we work
for Premiere Edge,

and that's how
they do business.

Yeah, but that's not how
I wanna do business.

We can be better.

I think you're
too close to this, man.

Just give it some time
to think about it, okay?

I mean, besides, it's not like
it was a suggestion.

You feel me?

[sighs]

Out.

Okay.

[sighs]

[doorbell rings]

[exhales]

Hey.
Hey.

How you doing?
Good.

You okay?

You seem
a little distracted.

No, I'm fine.

Why you ask that?

Because you usually try
to take my clothes off at the door.

Do you want a drink?
Yeah.

Vodka?

Yeah.

And do you
want a double?

Double, please.

Are those, uh,
Tim Biskup?

You got a good eye,
you know that?

[chuckles]

I love his stuff.

Me, too.

So, you know,
it's okay,

if you wanna do this
another time.

No. No, no.
It... It...

None of this
is about you.

It's... It's work.

You know, it got me stressed
out like a motherfucker.

They want me to do something
that's just crazy.

So, then don't do it.

What, just like that?

No one's holding a
gun to your head.

It's not that simple.

You forgot
to take your shoes off.

You know what
you need to do?

♫

(Victor)
How is this not porn?

It's on MTV.

Mmm, no, no.
[bell ringing]

[man]
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen,

for another episode
of Dating in the Buff.

That's a wrap.

Hey, hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey!

I bet you're thinking
about all the ass

you're not gonna get
after you're married, huh?

A little bit.
A little bit.

Thanks for
calling us out, baby.

Hey, anytime, anytime.

I figured butt naked
females on the beach

is a great break
from wedding errands.

Yeah, yeah,
that definitely beats

picking up
centerpieces for sure.

That cost
$150 a piece.

Oh, Jesus.

Here I am in front
of half-naked women,

I'm talking
about centerpieces.

I think I left my
balls in the trunk.

Dude, why are you
so stressed?

'Cause I cannot afford
this wedding, y'all.

But Ginger
just got a huge raise.

So my wife has to pay
for her own wedding.

That doesn't
sit right with me.

Come on, man.
It's not like you have a choice.

Ginger is who
we're talking about.

She's gonna get the wedding she wants,
regardless.

[phone vibrating]

Speak of the devil.

I should get goin'.

Plus, it's not like having
a sugar mama's that bad.

It's not like
you're a bum.

I wouldn't mind
having a sugar mama.

I think I'd be a good
stay-at-home dad.

Well, it's not like you could
ever bring your children to work.

Look at you.

I mean, it could
be worse, right?

I mean, you could be getting your
balls man-massaged tomorrow.

What?
What?

I said that
shit out loud?

Yes.

All right, look,
I promised Pressie

I'd go with her
to the fertility clinic

after she cried at the thought
of having sex with me again.

Oh...

Ouch.

I'm sure everything's
gonna be all right, brother.

I hope so.

It's those Brazilian briefs
you've been wearing.

Mmm-hmm.

It cuts your circulation off.

Your squirt game
is probably poor.

There's nothin' wrong
with my squirt game, okay?

And it's not the Brazilian briefs!
I knew it.

Have you seen the
population in Brazil?

His squirt game is terrible.
Shut the fuck up!

Dude, I'm playin'.
Co-signed it.

150 million!

My sperm count's higher
than Robert Downey Jr.'s net worth!

Bam!
[scoffs]

You must be
very proud.

I am very proud.

I got the Michael Phelps
of sperm.

They got little gold medals

around their little sperm necks.

Yeah.

Why are you rubbing
this in my face?

What?

No, baby, I'm not rubbing
anything in your face.

Oh, no, no?
No.

Do you realize
that this means

that there's something
wrong with me?

No, no, no.
No, no, no.

I was talking
to my boys

because they were making fun
of my Brazilian briefs.

That's all.
I don't see your boys!

You know what I see?

I see this little
insensitive asshole

who's gonna figure out
where he's sleeping tonight.

Baby...
You think this is a game.

I don't think this is a game.
Uh-uh.

I think I just got 150 million
score on my sperm count.

Callate!
Callate!

Baby, l...

Well, how am I supposed
to get home?

You know how you're gonna get home?
With your super sperm.

That's how you're
gonna get home.

♫

Hey, what's that?

I didn't know
I was being watched.

I thought we agreed
on no strings.

No, you can't
open it yet.

Why not?
'Cause it's a surprise for your birthday.

Just wait on it.

You didn't
have to do that.

I know.

Hmm.
What?

Nothing.

But I have an idea.

It's gonna
have to wait.

I'm not ready since the last round.
Mmm-mmm.

I wanna shoot you.

No, I don't think so.
Yes. Yes.

There's this place
I've been wanting to shoot.

It's in Venice
and it's beautiful.

It's...
It's gritty...

You'd be perfect.

I don't want your thousands
of lnstagram followers

looking at photos of me.

I won't shoot your face
in a recognizable way.

We'll make the whole
thing mysterious.

One condition.

[sighs]
I'm listening.

Promise to get
your photographs published.

People should pay
to see your work.

You really think
that much of it?

Yeah, it's that good.

Okay.
Now can we shoot?

[camera shutter clicking]

We got it.
I'm happy.

Next location.

It's getting late,
and I have to work tomorrow.

Work...

I completely managed to
forget about work today.

The whole day. Your job doesn't
seem to make you too happy.

[sighs]
I don't know.

I mean,
I'm great at it.

I make
a lot of money.

It keeps
you humble.

Well played.
Well played.

I don't know.
I guess lately,

it's just been a place
to collect a paycheck, you know.

Mmm-hmm.

And today...

Today when
we were shooting...

That was awesome.

That was the most fun
I've had in a long time.

That made
me happy.

Maybe it's time
for a change.

Maybe.

Come in.

I really have to go,
Charlie, I'm sorry.

One last kiss?

Just one.

Okay,
one more after that.

One more.
[laughs]

One more.
[laughs]

[clears throat]

[both screaming]

Sorry.

Press kicked me out
for the night.

[sighs]

(Rick) I'm sorry.
He's rude.

I'm Rick.
You must be mystery woman.

It's a pleasure
to meet you.

Nice to meet
you, too.

Rick was just leaving.
Charlie.

No, I really gotta go.
No, you really don't.

No, your
friend here

looks like he needs
some boy time.

I could totally use some boy time.
I'm just...

You boys
have fun.

It was a pleasure meeting you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Really?

You gave me a key.

That was like
two years ago,

so you could
watch my iguana,

which I haven't
seen since.

You know, l...
I kinda feel like

he's in the house somewhere still,
you know?

She's fine. Wow!

Holy shit, dude.

Yeah.

My man.

Come on.

Wow!

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

I didn't mean
to stop the love train,

But look,
Press kicked me out.

She told Ginger
not to let me in.

And so you were
my last option.

You know there's such
things as hotels?

But you got
all this space.

All right, man.
What'd you do?

I don't want
to talk about it.

"The Michael
Phelps of sperm"?

[sighs]

Yeah, I said it,

I might've got a little too excited.
I'd say so.

This the last one.
All right.

Pressie's worried that something
might be wrong with her.

I told her she's overreacting,
but I don't know, man.

End of the day,

these things
always have a way

of working themselves out,
you know?

Mmm-hmm.
You guys are gonna be fine.

Mmm-hmm.
You guys love each other, man.

Holy shit.

Charlie Mac just said something
positive about love.

It's that badass chick,
isn't it?

She's got you
good, huh?

Maybe, it's the Tequila talking,
but maybe just a little bit.

"Maybe a little bit," huh?

I might have
to bring a plus one

to Victor's wedding,
after all.

See, that's
not a little bit,

that's a lotta bit,
motherfucker.

I knew it.
You don't lie to me.

Lie to your girls,
not me, man.

I knew it. I knew it.
You just like me.

Before I say
something I regret,

this is over,
this is done.

All right.
Uh, clean this up, man.

Yo, you trying to sweat this alcohol
out before the fitting tomorrow?

I am not.
Yes, you are.

I'm waking you up, man.

Hey.

I'm happy for you.

It's just a girl, Rick.
It's just another girl.

But I am
happy for you.

Get it, get it, get it!
Fill 'em up.

Enjoy.
Merci.

Uh-huh.

Enjoy.
To the family.

[all]
To the family.

Three amigos forever, right?
Mmm-hmm.

You know what? It's good to see you
finally enjoying yourself, man.

Hey, did I tell y'all
I got super sperm?

'Cause I do.

We're up in here
sipping expensive champagne,

trying on clothes
I can't pronounce.

Shoot.

So what if you gotta sell
your ass to pay for it.

[all laughing]

But we livin'
the good life, right now.

We livin' the good life.
This is good stuff.

Shit. Look, you might be right
'bout selling ass

judging from the price
of this damn coat.

Jesus.

Hey, look, look,
at the end of the day,

as long as Ginger
gets the best man,

'cause that's what
she deserves, right?

Thank you,
Morris Chestnut.

Are you gonna hold up this mirror?
All right.

Hey, look. It's my wedding, okay?
Are you done?

Come on, I look good as hell
in this jacket.

She might be gettin' the best man,
watch out now.

Come on.
There's no room for you.

Hey, uh, is there another
mirror around here?

Of course.

Right there.
Thank you.

...let us choose our own dresses.
I know...

Ladies.

That looks
so sexy on you.

Your fiancee's
a lucky woman.

Congratulations.

I am not getting married.
I'm the best man.

Mmm, yes you are.

[sales associate]
Ah, you look amazing.

[woman]
Thank you.

Oh, my God.
Eve, that is the dress.

Please tell me,
you know that's the dress.

Oh, it looks beautiful.
It's perfect.

Oh, I can't even
talk anymore...

I love it.

See? This guy can't even
keep his eyes off of you.

Isn't she gorgeous?

Yeah.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

Yo, I heard there was
fine-ass females...

Oh, shit.

Yo.

Um, hi.
I'm Rick.

Yo, I'm out, man.

Yo.

Sir? Sir?

The jacket.

Yo.
What's going on?

You gotta
check this out.

Merde, alors.
This is America?

All right.

You get a five-star rating, buddy,
five-star rating, man.

We gotta do this
again, sometime.

Hey!

I know you.

I'm sorry
I left so soon.

I didn't get to congratulate you,
earlier.

Charlie, don't.

No, I'm serious,
congratulations.

Congratulations.

You make for
a beautiful bride.

He's a lucky,
lucky guy.

Does he know that you're
still fucking other men?

Stop it, Charlie!

Stop what?

Asking logical questions?

I mean, clearly,
I should've asked

a couple more
from the start, right?

No strings.
That's what we said.

You knew what you
were getting into.

No, you knew what I
was getting into.

It's so easy
to say "no strings"

when you're already
attached to someone else.

I wasn't attached.

So I'm your
rebound guy,

is that
what I am to you?

Men can bounce around
from woman to woman,

but if I do it,
I'm a bad person.

That's not fair.
What's not fair

is the fact that
I'm standing here

looking like
an asshole,

in love with a girl
that I can't have.

We have a connection,

but what we did
isn't love, it's fun.

This is love.

Why not give
us a chance?

Lust is easy, Charlie.

Love is complicated.

It's not that
complicated.

I know how I feel,
when I look at you.

I'm getting married,
Charlie, and that's not gonna change.

Then why are
you even here?

Because I wanted
to check on you.

I don't need you
to check on me!

Uber got my back.
I'm fine.

Adios, Eva.

[sighs]

Where the hell is he?

Hey, Kareem.

Yes, sir?
We're waiting, like, 20 minutes.

Does Charlie know
the meeting time?

Uh, yes, sir, he does.
Let me check his work cell again.

You know what?
Let me check on him.

Good idea.

Where are we?
Well...

We're on time,
and growing impatient.

You guys could have
started without me.

No, we actually couldn't.

(Marty)
Look, Charlie,

I know you have some
reservations about this deal,

but we need you
to get behind this,

we need to lock in
the tour dates,

we need you...
Look, I'm on board.

What? Really?
Give me the paperwork.

I'll have him sign it.

Good talk.

[all]
Surprise!

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday!

Congratulations.
Mission accomplished.

Okay.

I going to lay down,

and I'd be pleasantly surprised
if y'all got the fuck out.

(Victor)
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You need
to chill, man.

What is
your problem?

Look, I had a long day
at work, okay?

I'm tired, I'm good.

Thank you, all right?

Look, we went through
a lot of trouble for you, bro.

Yo, we're not 10 years old,
bro.

Look, why don't you go through this
much trouble at work,

so you don't feel
like a bitch,

'cause your girl make
more money than you.

Wow.

You need to check yourself.

I need to check myself?

Yeah, you need
to check yourself.

I need to check
myself, Rick?

Well, why don't you start
by checking yourself, huh?

Why don't you start
with your girl?

Why don't you tell her
how you really feel?

We all know that having a family
is a deal breaker for you.

You want to have kids.
Your girl can't get pregnant.

Dude,
what the fuck are you...

Yeah, seriously.

It's okay.
No.

What the fuck
is your problem?

What the fuck is my...

You're just
miserable.

What the fuck is my problem,
Press?

My fucking
problem is

everybody acts like their
life is so perfect.

Everybody's
fucking perfect

but me,
but Charlie.

Kareem, get the hell
out of here.

Get the fuck out!
Why are you even here?

Yo, are you serious,
right now?

Am I serious?

Am I serious?

Guys, listen, man.

We don't have
to do this, man.

Why don't you take
your ass, go home,

and let me
be alone, okay?

[scoffs]

Why you gotta be
such an asshole, man?

No, no, he's not
being an asshole.

He just wants
to be alone.

[scoffs]

You know what?

It's so crazy because you
do that so well, Charlie.

What's that?

Be alone.

Let us know
how that works out for you.

(Charlie) Thank you, Ginger.
(Ginger) You need to grow up.

(Charlie)
Okay.

Sad.
Sad?

Victor, you got shoes on
in my crib, man.

You got shoes on,
motherfucker.

You guys
know my rules!

I got rules!

[exhales]

I thought
I'd find you here.

What the hell
happened last night?

You know what
happened last night.

I'm sure they told you,
so you can go back

and tell them I'm fine,
all right?

Yeah, you don't seem fine.

I'm fine.

I'm not letting
you off that easy.

What is this, therapy?

I'm here because
I love you.

Talk to me,
what happened?

I called some people
out on their shit.

That's what
happened.

What? Why?

Why should you be calling
anyone out on their shit,

unless you're willing
to look at yourself?

Sounds to me like you
were lashing out.

Come on, you had
your heart broken.

It's okay.

You're gonna
go through some pain.

She used me.

She fuckin' used me,
Sherry.

I'm never
doing that again.

How many women
have you used?

Don't do that.

Karma's a bitch,
isn't it?

Look, I'm gonna keep it
real with you.

You set yourself up
for this.

Did you learn this
on your first

or your second marriage,
Sherry?

Or any of your failed
relationships, huh?

You're such
a great therapist,

but how come
you can't figure it out?

I learned this when
our mom and dad died.

What the fuck...

What do they have to do with this?
Everything.

No.
Yes.

You don't think
Mom and Dad's death

has anything
to do with the fact

that you're afraid of losing your
friends to their relationships?

That you're scared of
committing to one of your own?

You've never dealt
with Mom and Dad's death.

You will never go with me
to visit their grave.

Why?

You're gonna really
push me away?

I guess you're gonna have to
figure this one out on your own.

I guess so.

Well, I'll be sending you
love and light.

From afar.

Very far.

[Julius chattering]

(Marty) To French Montana
and this deal.

Ah, yes.

I am pigs-in-shit excited

about having
you being a part

of the P.E.A. family.

A new member.
Yeah!

And I would be remiss if I didn't thank
the agent that brokered this deal,

my personal Pit Bull.

Charlie Motherfuckin' Mac.

[all cheering]

Not only do you have the vision
to make it in our business,

you have the
cojones to last.

French, you ain't gotta
worry about nothin'.

Let's celebrate, Julius...

Let's celebrate.

French,
don't sign that, man.

What? Why not?
[Marty laughs]

What a kidder.

It's not
the right deal for you.

(Marty)
Charlie, shut up.

Hey, you wanna be
a big star, right?

Of course.

Then, don't listen to him
and sign the deal.

Man, what the fuck
is going on, man?

You been kissing
his ass all day,

all this sappy shit about how he's the man,
praisin' him.

Now all of the sudden you're telling me,
don't sign the contact.

What the fuck
is going on, man?

No, no, no.
I wasn't kissing his ass.

I was blowing smoke.
There's a difference.

What'd you think about this shit, Julius?
[chattering]

Look, French, even Julius can tell,
this is not right.

Look, you won't make nearly
as much money on this tour,

as you would on the one
we didn't tell you about.

Drake's people called. They wanted
to go out on the road with you.

What?
I should have told you, man.

Charlie, what are you,
illin', yo?

Let's keep it 100%.

I mean, this is youth
and inexperience talking here.

He's all about the money,
right now.

I'm talking
about a legacy.

You can't put
a price tag on

the exposure
that you'll get

headlining
your own tour.

Marty, shut up!

Stop it.
Stop lying.

French, the only reason we're
trying to push you into this deal

is because it benefits
Premiere Edge.

Don't sign.
All right, that's it.

You know, shut up.

Security!

You're fired.

That was
the whole point.

Good luck, French.

Good talk.

I'll live in his house for the rest
of my goddamn life if I have to,

but I am through
with this marriage!

[automated voice] Retina scan required
to dial this number.

Scan failed.

Unable to dial, post, or text.
[sighs]

Look at this.
Why's it flippin' out like that?

Side-boob on fleek.
Look at this.

Stupid!
Charlie, look at this.

Oh, my God.
He's so lame, right now.

Hey.

Hey!

[exhales]

Wow, that is
such a waste.

[scoffs]

Wow.

♫

[Charlie exhales]

[chuckles]

So what's going on,
Charlie, huh?

I wanted to apologize.

You know,
I was a real jerk.

On my birthday,
and after.

I understand.

But yeah, you were.

Okay, you're really not gonna
make this easy for me, are you?

It's not supposed
to be easy.

Especially within
these four walls.

All right, well, I'm sorry.
Okay?

Well, hold on a second.
Sit down.

What exactly
are you sorry for?

I'm sorry that I hurt

and pushed away

everybody in my life
that means something to me.

Keep it coming.
And I'm sorry

that our parents died.

All right, let's dig in,
okay?

Let's go deeper
with this.

What are we doing?
Therapy?

Well, no, I'm your sister.
That would be illegal,

but we're talking
and I'm a therapist.

And let's not
get off track.

We've got some
momentum going here.

What are you
grateful for?

What I'm grateful for?
Yes.

I'm grateful that I am
finally learning to grow up.

And I'm grateful I have
some awesome friends.

And I don't know
if I've ever said it,

but I'm grateful
for you.

Aw, Charlie.

I am so proud of you.

That'll be $300.
No, seriously.

I think you'll feel
better if you pay for it.

I've already
had lunch.

You're...
Stop. Stop.

Come here. You're taking advantage
of my vulnerability right now.

All right?
Look.

You were pretty young
when Mom and Dad died,

but they had
a great marriage.

I got to see that,
but you really didn't.

I think that's probably
why I believe in love,

and why you don't.

You're good.

But I have
to tell you something.

Do you know
what makes me happy?

It makes me happy that you
had your heart broken.

What?
Why would you say that?

It means you had
the capacity to love.

And that, my little brother,
is a beautiful thing.

All right,
now that we're good,

I gotta patch things
up with the crew.

I don't even know if I'm still
invited to the wedding.

Just 'cause
you were a jerk

doesn't mean
they don't still love you.

Okay, everybody!
Everybody, back to one!

Come on,
let's go, flower girl.

Let's go,
ring bearer.

Bridesmaids, groomsmen,
everybody, let's go.

Back to your
starting positions.

We're gonna run this
one more time.

Somebody tell this chick
this isn't brain surgery.

Walking down the aisle.
Left, right, left, right...

Smile.
I think we got it.

Hey, bud.
Yeah, okay.

Hey, Press.

Any room
for another best man?

I'm sorry, Rick.
So, he's the best man, now?

(Geneva) Okay, come on.
Come on, people.

Come on, come on,
let's go.

Bridesmaid,
with the best man.

Don't look at me.
There you go, there you go.

Okay, and when they get
halfway down the aisle,

the rest of the wedding party begins.
There you...

Okay, slowly, slowly, slowly.
And smile.

Smile.

Okay, that's nice.
Let's go.

Look, man, I'm sorry
about everything...

Hey, you don't even
gotta say it, man.

Okay, excuse me. You two can
deal with your bromance issues

on your own time,
all right?

This is a wedding, okay?
I need you to focus.

All right? Just...
Just focus.

All right?
Focus.

Yeah.
Who is that?

(Victor) I don't know, but apparently
she's high as hell on cocaine.

Bride!

Ah! About time,
you little jerk.

Ow.

I deserve that.
Mmm-hmm.

I'm sorry.

All right, just come on.
Come on.

Oh, okay.
All right, come on, come on.

Handsy!

I just want everybody
to remember,

a wedding is
a magical moment

that every bride
should cherish

as she goes through
those long, hard, trying,

seemingly insurmountable,
Mount-Everest-like years that lie ahead.

This is the day
that will comfort her

as she weathers
the storms to come.

Okay?
So, come on, people,

just stop playing around

and let's get it
together, all right?

Pastor, commence.

It's straight.

Hey.
Hey.

So, am I still getting the
silent treatment from you?

I don't know,
I haven't decided yet.

What can I do to speed this up?
Please.

Maybe you can
start off with some

free babysitting.

Yo, I told you.
Super sperm.

Congratulations.
Congrats.

It is about time,
but didn't you just pee on that?

Why is it
on the table?

That is just nasty.

You're not going to be able
to fit into your dress.

All calories count.

(Pastor)
By the power vested in me,

from the state
of California,

as a servant of God,
I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss
the bride.

[applause]

Ladies and gentlemen,

I present to you,
Victor and Ginger.

[all cheering]

♫

You always hear people talk
about fairy-tale weddings,

but you never really hear people
talk about fairy-tale love.

And that's what
we're witnessing.

That's what I've been witnessing
for the past what, 20 years?

Yeah.

'Cause where else
other than a storybook

would a 10-year-old boy

with dashing,
handsome looks...

Hey, hey, hey.

Meet a beautiful princess,

fall in love,

and never have eyes
for anyone else?

I love you.

(Charlie)
He never did.

Good.
And I'm a bad influence...

He's terrible.
He's terrible.

(Charlie)
A good friend told me

that there's nothing
more important in life

than going after
what you love,

or in this case,
who you love.

And while there might not be
any perfect people, guys,

there are people that are
perfect for each other.

And trust me,

Ginger and Victor,

you two are
my best friends.

[all]
Aw.

You guys are my...

[clears throat]

You guys
are my family.

And I just...
I hope that tomorrow

brings you more
happiness and more joy,

than any of us
could have ever imagined.

I'm just happy that l...

that we were here
to witness it.

Guys, lift your glasses.

To Victor
and to Ginger,

the perfect match.

[all]
The perfect match!

[people chatting]

I feel like I could have
taken some of these.

I highly doubt that.

You see,
it's a little different than shooting porn.

One time
in college, man.

"One time."
One time in college!

Look at him.
Look at him.

His parents would be
so proud of all of this.

Charlie, I love this.
Where'd you shoot it?

(Charlie)
I shot that one in...

I know they are proud.
I mean, we're proud.

You know,
it took him a lot to get here.

Real talk,
this is impressive for a first gallery.

Yo!

Yeah, dawg.
That's my man!

Looks like you've got
a dress shirt on.

Congratulations.
Thank you.

Thank you
so much for coming.

Hey, how's it
going tonight?

You know, it's been
a tough journey,

but nights like tonight

let me know I made
the right choice.

God is good.
Yes, he is.

Yo, yo,
yo, yo, look!

(Rick) Dude, act like you've seen
a celebrity before.

(Victor) I'm just saying,
but it's...

I'll be right back, guys.
Thanks again.

French!
What's up, my bro?

What up, baby?
What's goin' on?

Congratulations, man.

Ah, thank you.
I had no idea you were coming.

Man, look, as soon
as I heard about it, man,

I had to come through,
you know what I'm saying,

and support my guy, man.
Thank you, man.

And I wanted
to tell you,

I appreciated you, man,
for that wack-ass deal at Premier Edge.

Yeah.

That was real honest of you,
man. You know?

Yeah, I'm so sorry I got you
caught up with them to begin with.

How'd you
hear about this?

I got my ears to the streets, man.
Come on, man.

No, my agent put me on.
Who you with now?

Actually, man,
them dude's right there.

Abram and Kareem.

Hey, man.

(French Montana)
Welcome the whole team back.

Yeah, man.

You know, I was hating how Marty
was doing that Premiere Edge,

so I left shortly
after you did,

on some Jerry Maguire
type shit, right?

So, I guess that made
me Cuba Gooding, Jr.

You know
what I'm saying?

What, is that Sevyn Streeter?
Oh, shit.

But we doing real good, man. You know,
a lot of good things are happening.

A lot of sponsorships.
You know what I'm saying?

Chico,
bring the cash.

Okay.

Oh, oh.
Well, all right.

So, like I was
saying, you know.

You know, we could always use
somebody like you

back home,
man, you know?

With the agency definitely, you know,
we need you back.

No more agency life for me.
I'm at home right here.

What?
Hmm.

Hannghh.
Hannghh.

You still
don't got it.

But you
know what?

Bring me
your most expensive one.

It's the least
I could do for you.

Consider it done.

Congrats, my brother.
I'm really proud of you. Love, G.

Remember one thing, man.
Stay black.

I don't know what else I would do,
but thank you.

I don't remember receiving
payment for the use of my image.

It's good to see you.
You, too.

You look good.
So do you.

This is amazing, Charlie.

It's been quite
the journey.

(Eva)
I can imagine.

You know, I never got
to thank you for that camera.

Did you get
a chance to use it?

Look around.

Wow.

So, how's
married life?

It's different.

Challenging.

Wonderful.

Eva, why are you here?

Believe it or not,
I heard about this from my husband.

He's an art dealer, and he told
me about this amazing exhibit.

And it turns out
it was yours.

That's crazy.
Yeah.

You know, I'm really sorry
for the way things ended with us.

Me, too.

But I want
to explain myself.

You don't got... Because I feel
like you deserve...

Eve, you don't
have to explain.

Look, our lives
were completely opposite.

I was with
the same man, Kevin,

since I was in high school.

But when it was time
to get married, he got cold feet

and I decided
to test the waters

with you.

I'm glad
I did what I did.

And I don't regret it.

I'm just really sorry
that I hurt you.

You don't have
to apologize.

You know, for the first time
since my parents died,

I actually felt something.

I actually
allowed myself

to feel something.

That never would have
happened without you.

Goodbye, Charlie.

Don't forget to
send me that check.

[Eva chuckles]

[exhales]

Look, Keish and Jackie
will do hair and makeup.

It'll be fine.
All right?

Yeah, Abram,
just make sure Kim's on time.

All right, I got you, man.
Later.

Got an apple-beet-carrot-ginger-volcano.
Extra ginger.

Thank you, Nate.
You're welcome.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I don't think that one is yours.

Apple-beet-carrot-ginger-volcano,
with extra ginger.

Charlie.

Oh, wait.
Charlie?

Dana.
You're Ginger's friend.

Right.
Right.

Good to see you. How's Ginger?
Have you talked to her?

She's great.
She's really happy.

Did I miss you
at the wedding?

Yeah, I was
out of the country,

and I just got back
two days ago.

I was so bummed
I missed it.

But how was
the wedding?

Well, the best man's speech
was awesome.

Are...
Hey, are you with anyone?

No.

You wanna sit?
And chill?

Out of the country,
where'd you go?

Oh, I went to Dubai.

Dubai.
Yeah.

You still don't have
any deal breakers, huh?

Me?
Yeah.

Do you still have
all of your rules?

I got rid of the rules
a long time ago.

Cheers. Cheers,
good to see you.

It's good
to see you, too.

It's funny, after dinner that time,
I thought of you.

Did you?
Yeah, your smile.

You got one of those
light-up-the-room type of smiles.

♫

I'm out here doing
man shit, all right?

Back up.
You gonna make me?

Oh, I'll make you.

How you gonna do that?

I'm gonna man handle you.
That's what I'm gonna do with you.

Guys,
I'm standing right here.

I'm right here
in front of you.

You wanna join?

(Rick)
Yeah, yeah, I like that.

That's nice.
That's nice right there.

Hey, let me ask you a question.
Yes?

You got Hermes?

What? I didn't say, "Herpes."
I said, "Hermes."

Hermes, Hermes.
Yes.

[chattering]

My man.
Hey, you owe me.

I got you.

I will see
you gentlemen later.

I am off to get
a stress release massage,

if you know
what I mean.

She knows
what I mean.

You shouldn't text
and walk, Charlie.

You have an obstacle course
in your office, Sherry.

What is this
doing here?

This is a great object
of design.

In fact, it makes my clients feel
very comfortable and relaxed

because it feels
like nothing ever ends.

Circles are good.
They would be good for you.

I don't feel
comfortable.

I don't feel at all warm,
fuzzy...

[bridesmaid]
Isn't she gorgeous?

[all laughing]