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♪ IMAGINE DRAGONS: On Top Of The World
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00:00:23,031 --> 00:00:26,024
♪ You can have it all
but not till you move it
3
00:00:27,014 --> 00:00:29,986
♪ Now take it in but don't look down
4
00:00:30,070 --> 00:00:31,999
♪ Cos I'm on top of the world, hey
5
00:00:32,092 --> 00:00:34,074
♪ I'm on top of the world, hey
6
00:00:35,002 --> 00:00:36,972
♪ Waiting on this for a while now
7
00:00:37,129 --> 00:00:39,037
♪ Paying my dues to the dirt
8
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♪ I've been waiting to smile, hey
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00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,990
♪ Been holding it in for a while, hey
10
00:00:44,156 --> 00:00:46,169
♪ Take it with me if I can
11
00:00:46,993 --> 00:00:48,150
♪ Been dreaming of this since a child
12
00:00:50,069 --> 00:00:52,164
♪ And I know it's hard
when you're falling down
13
00:00:52,196 --> 00:00:55,001
♪ And it's a long way up
when you hit the ground
14
00:00:55,032 --> 00:00:58,140
♪ Get up now, get up, get up now
15
00:00:58,213 --> 00:01:01,018
♪ I'm on top of the world
16
00:01:02,196 --> 00:01:04,157
Hey! Hi, there!
17
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Oh, boy, look at this.
18
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Ah. (sighs)
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Pretty as ever. Ha!
20
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Oh, exciting!
21
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Ohh...
22
00:01:22,029 --> 00:01:24,083
Did you pack
your bowling ball collection in here?
23
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Oh, my God! He's in a good mood.
(chuckles)
24
00:01:27,148 --> 00:01:30,120
Who do I love, huh? Who do I love?
You know I love you.
25
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Yeah, I love you, too, Mom.
26
00:01:33,029 --> 00:01:34,082
(he grunts)
27
00:01:34,198 --> 00:01:37,180
Senior year, huh? I mean, this is the one.
28
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They're all important but,
boy, this is the one
29
00:01:40,027 --> 00:01:43,124
that really takes you to the finish line.
What do I always tell you?
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00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:46,168
- I got this.
- You got this.
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Tell you what I won't miss -
paying 28 grand a year.
32
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- Oh.
- Dad!
33
00:01:50,256 --> 00:01:52,081
Don't listen to him.
34
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He just likes to squeeze the coin purse.
35
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(she sighs)
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00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:57,221
I just love it here.
37
00:01:57,252 --> 00:02:00,047
I love being back at our alma mater,
right, honey?
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Well, technically, it's my alma mater.
You didn't graduate.
39
00:02:03,050 --> 00:02:05,094
He loves it.
40
00:02:06,136 --> 00:02:08,233
(sighs) Oh, boy, here come the waterworks.
41
00:02:08,264 --> 00:02:10,110
- Mom!
- You know what?
42
00:02:10,141 --> 00:02:14,114
I think I just need some cheese
or something. I'm a little snackish.
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- (chuckles)
- OK, traffic. We got traffic.
44
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- Aww.
- OK. OK.
45
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All right. We're gonna release, OK?
46
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(both laugh)
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You're a remarkable young lady.
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And my love for you is very, very fierce.
49
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What? I'm only 22 minutes away!
50
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That's 22 minutes too far for me.
51
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Have so much fun in Italy, guys.
It's gonna be amazing.
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Arrivederci! That's Italian.
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- Have fun.
- Thanks.
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Save your receipts.
Just kidding, but save 'em.
55
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OK.
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- Hatchback.
- Oh.
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Yup. Oh, boy.
58
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- Ciao, honey!
- (horn toots)
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Ciao!
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00:02:53,310 --> 00:02:56,136
We're both fluent. I'm coming, Dan.
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Beep beep yourself, mister.
62
00:02:58,274 --> 00:03:01,350
Somebody trying to get me in the car
all to himself, huh?
63
00:03:02,257 --> 00:03:05,208
Oh, boy. Four weeks in Italy. Mm?
64
00:03:05,239 --> 00:03:07,220
Are you ready? I'm ready.
65
00:03:07,251 --> 00:03:09,253
I've always enjoyed our staycations
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00:03:09,285 --> 00:03:13,195
but I think I'm ready
for a little gondola ride with my fella.
67
00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:15,259
Oh, wait, wait, wait!
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00:03:15,291 --> 00:03:17,209
I wanna see our girl go in.
69
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Oh-ho, look at that!
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00:03:20,202 --> 00:03:21,371
(chuckles) Oh-ho-ho!
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I want a divorce.
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00:03:26,376 --> 00:03:28,378
- What?
- I want a divorce.
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God, it feels good to say that out loud.
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00:03:32,361 --> 00:03:35,322
I wanna be completely transparent
with you, Deanna.
75
00:03:35,353 --> 00:03:38,190
I am in love with someone else.
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00:03:39,326 --> 00:03:41,213
Who are you in love with?
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00:03:41,245 --> 00:03:42,371
Marcie.
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00:03:43,299 --> 00:03:45,186
Marcie Strong.
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00:03:46,218 --> 00:03:47,386
The realtor?
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00:03:48,314 --> 00:03:50,285
The one on the bus benches?
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00:03:50,316 --> 00:03:53,173
She's also on a series
of small billboards downtown
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and she has a pretty respectable
social media following.
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00:03:56,187 --> 00:03:57,262
Oh, my God!
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00:03:57,293 --> 00:03:59,295
- Don't... Please...
- Don't touch me!
85
00:03:59,326 --> 00:04:02,194
- Stay in the car, please.
- I'm gonna be sick!
86
00:04:02,225 --> 00:04:05,374
Look, I know this seems mean but I'm
doing it to facilitate a clean break.
87
00:04:05,405 --> 00:04:09,253
Like ripping a Band-Aid off quickly.
This is better for you.
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00:04:11,203 --> 00:04:14,258
Don't you dare tell me
that this is better for me.
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00:04:14,393 --> 00:04:17,344
Also in the interests of
complete transparency,
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00:04:17,375 --> 00:04:19,263
I'm gonna sell the house.
91
00:04:19,294 --> 00:04:21,296
You can't do that.
That's not how it works.
92
00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:24,299
Marcie already started the paperwork
and it's all in my name.
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(sniffles)
94
00:04:28,314 --> 00:04:31,432
Stop it! This is a lease.
We still have ten months' payments.
95
00:04:32,213 --> 00:04:34,341
- Stop it, please!
- I don't care if it's a lease.
96
00:04:35,415 --> 00:04:38,210
Please, get back in the car.
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00:04:40,274 --> 00:04:41,432
Oh, that's gonna cost.
98
00:04:42,287 --> 00:04:44,247
We'll talk about this later.
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00:04:44,278 --> 00:04:45,457
Just go, Dan.
100
00:04:46,239 --> 00:04:48,262
Now I gotta use Waze.
101
00:04:52,234 --> 00:04:53,340
(sobs)
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00:04:56,468 --> 00:04:58,470
(exhales and sobs)
103
00:05:03,297 --> 00:05:05,436
23 years of marriage, just down the tubes.
104
00:05:05,467 --> 00:05:07,480
I mean, can you believe that?
105
00:05:08,261 --> 00:05:11,275
No. I'm just...
I'm so disappointed in Dan.
106
00:05:11,306 --> 00:05:14,455
And what's Maddie gonna do? I mean,
you've gotta cancel the trip to Italy.
107
00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:18,459
You know, I honest to God...
I didn't see it coming.
108
00:05:18,491 --> 00:05:21,400
You always hear that
but I didn't see it coming.
109
00:05:21,431 --> 00:05:23,412
Let me tell you this,
Dan doesn't deserve you.
110
00:05:23,443 --> 00:05:25,456
You're such a great lady, Deanna.
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Thank you. That's very nice of you.
112
00:05:29,262 --> 00:05:32,484
This is it. My parents' house
is just up here on the right.
113
00:05:35,476 --> 00:05:37,426
Thanks, Dale. And, uh...
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From the bottom of my heart...
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00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:41,515
I'm gonna give you a great Uber review.
116
00:05:42,296 --> 00:05:43,496
Well, I hope your day gets better, Deanna.
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(tearfully): I'm sure it will.
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(Deanna sobs)
119
00:05:55,341 --> 00:05:57,499
Can I make you a sandwich?
120
00:05:57,531 --> 00:06:01,326
No, thanks, Mom.
I'm just... I'm not hungry.
121
00:06:01,357 --> 00:06:04,454
What about a tuna salad sandwich
or egg salad?
122
00:06:04,485 --> 00:06:07,447
- You like egg salad.
- I do like egg salad.
123
00:06:07,478 --> 00:06:13,349
But, I promise you, I'll let you know,
but I'm really not hungry right now.
124
00:06:13,380 --> 00:06:16,436
Well, at least...
at least Marcie is attractive.
125
00:06:16,467 --> 00:06:18,459
- Mike!
- Dad! Oh, my God!
126
00:06:18,490 --> 00:06:22,379
What did I say? I mean,
it'd be even worse if she was homely.
127
00:06:22,411 --> 00:06:24,527
- No! No, it would not!
- Yeah, OK, well, you know what?
128
00:06:24,559 --> 00:06:26,508
That Dan, no good.
129
00:06:26,540 --> 00:06:30,377
I knew that the first time he tried
to make you drop out of college.
130
00:06:30,408 --> 00:06:35,392
What kind of man makes his pregnant wife
drop out of college with one year to go?
131
00:06:35,424 --> 00:06:37,415
Mike, lower your voice.
132
00:06:37,447 --> 00:06:39,365
You're upsetting Razzles.
133
00:06:39,396 --> 00:06:40,554
I'm sorry, Razzy.
134
00:06:41,336 --> 00:06:43,390
DEANNA:
He didn't make me drop out of school.
135
00:06:43,421 --> 00:06:46,372
Dan and I decided that together.
We were having a baby!
136
00:06:46,403 --> 00:06:48,395
We needed to save money.
137
00:06:48,426 --> 00:06:51,388
We could only afford
one of us to finish school
138
00:06:51,419 --> 00:06:53,536
and he thought it was more important
that he went.
139
00:06:53,568 --> 00:06:55,382
- OK.
- OK?
140
00:06:55,413 --> 00:06:57,561
I was always supposed to go back.
It just never happened.
141
00:06:57,593 --> 00:07:00,377
You were just so close to graduating.
142
00:07:00,408 --> 00:07:02,483
I think it just kind of
sticks in his craw.
143
00:07:02,514 --> 00:07:05,580
- Yeah, it just sticks in my craw a bit.
- Yeah.
144
00:07:06,362 --> 00:07:08,385
I've got an idea, honey.
145
00:07:08,604 --> 00:07:11,419
What about a ham sandwich?
146
00:07:11,450 --> 00:07:14,380
Sandy, she doesn't want a ham sandwich.
147
00:07:14,412 --> 00:07:15,548
But she likes ham, Mike.
148
00:07:15,579 --> 00:07:18,603
Of course she likes ham.
Everybody likes ham!
149
00:07:19,385 --> 00:07:21,617
But the point is
that she's too upset to eat!
150
00:07:22,399 --> 00:07:25,402
You know what's upsetting me?
It's that my marriage has collapsed
151
00:07:25,433 --> 00:07:28,384
and you two keep screaming about ham!
152
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:31,419
- I'm not screaming about ham.
- You are screaming about ham!
153
00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:33,609
- Yeah, stop it!
- You think I'm screaming about ham?
154
00:07:34,391 --> 00:07:35,632
Right now, your voice is going up
with "ham"!
155
00:07:36,414 --> 00:07:38,551
Fine! I'm screaming about ham!
I can't help it!
156
00:07:38,582 --> 00:07:41,481
I'm up on the roof there!
I'm blowing through the roof!
157
00:07:41,513 --> 00:07:45,475
I feel like... like I'm gonna blow
like a hot water heater!
158
00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,425
I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go right now.
159
00:07:47,456 --> 00:07:50,459
I'm making everyone a sandwich.
160
00:07:51,648 --> 00:07:54,484
Mom, am I the only one
that didn't see it coming?
161
00:07:54,515 --> 00:07:56,621
Oh, yeah. I'm gonna shoot Dan.
162
00:07:56,653 --> 00:07:58,425
- Mike.
- Yeah!
163
00:07:58,457 --> 00:08:00,604
Put the gun down.
You are not shooting Dan.
164
00:08:00,637 --> 00:08:02,534
Dad, stop waving that gun around.
165
00:08:02,566 --> 00:08:04,620
- I know exactly what I'm gonna do.
- (gunshot)
166
00:08:04,651 --> 00:08:07,571
- (barks)
- Oh, my gosh! You almost hit Razzles!
167
00:08:07,602 --> 00:08:09,594
Michael, you put a hole in the stairs!
168
00:08:09,625 --> 00:08:11,585
Oh, shit!
169
00:08:11,616 --> 00:08:13,577
You know what? Dan's fault!
170
00:08:13,608 --> 00:08:15,641
This was Dan's fault.
171
00:08:20,646 --> 00:08:22,492
(spits)
172
00:08:23,618 --> 00:08:25,620
♪ EVIE SANDS:
You've Got Me Up Tight
173
00:08:26,611 --> 00:08:28,592
♪ You've got me up tight
174
00:08:28,623 --> 00:08:30,479
♪ Yeah
175
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,492
♪ I blow my mind now over you
176
00:08:32,523 --> 00:08:34,525
♪ Up tight
177
00:08:34,650 --> 00:08:37,570
♪ Mm, you've got me up tight
178
00:08:38,697 --> 00:08:40,688
♪ The way you do that thing you do
179
00:08:41,469 --> 00:08:43,472
♪ Up tight, yeah
180
00:08:44,463 --> 00:08:47,674
♪ Well, I'm certain of what I said
181
00:08:47,706 --> 00:08:49,687
♪ You've got me out of my head
182
00:08:50,469 --> 00:08:52,471
♪ Up tight
183
00:08:54,525 --> 00:08:56,506
♪ Up tight
184
00:08:56,537 --> 00:08:58,477
Ow! Shit!
185
00:08:58,508 --> 00:08:59,707
♪ Up tight
186
00:09:02,606 --> 00:09:03,628
♪ Up tight
187
00:09:07,517 --> 00:09:08,674
♪ Up tight
188
00:09:08,706 --> 00:09:10,562
(explosion)
189
00:09:10,593 --> 00:09:13,691
♪ Well, I'm certain of what I said...
190
00:09:14,692 --> 00:09:16,579
(grunts)
191
00:09:19,582 --> 00:09:21,563
Whoa! Whoa!
192
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,597
(laughs)
193
00:09:24,535 --> 00:09:26,600
You can't call this racquetball.
194
00:09:26,631 --> 00:09:28,550
That's a disgrace to the game.
195
00:09:28,685 --> 00:09:31,553
You know what?
I know I fought you on it
196
00:09:31,584 --> 00:09:33,721
but thank you for getting me
out of the house.
197
00:09:33,753 --> 00:09:35,755
Come on. What do you
think best friends are for?
198
00:09:36,537 --> 00:09:37,715
Hey! Hey!
199
00:09:37,746 --> 00:09:40,582
Excuse me,
there's no alcohol on the courts.
200
00:09:40,624 --> 00:09:42,616
Oh, suck it, Eugene!
201
00:09:42,647 --> 00:09:43,731
Go easy on the kid, huh?
202
00:09:43,763 --> 00:09:45,733
You know what?
How many of those have you had?
203
00:09:45,766 --> 00:09:48,674
- I had three on the way over here.
- Yeah.
204
00:09:48,706 --> 00:09:50,656
I made Frank drive me.
205
00:09:51,626 --> 00:09:54,629
- You've had four here. You've had seven?
- I've had seven.
206
00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:56,714
What are we supposed to do,
wait around here all day?
207
00:09:56,745 --> 00:10:00,635
OK, let's just show them how it's done,
OK?
208
00:10:01,771 --> 00:10:02,772
Ohh!
209
00:10:03,554 --> 00:10:05,588
- Oh, my God!
- I'm sorry.
210
00:10:05,619 --> 00:10:07,569
- Right in the lady business.
- (men laugh)
211
00:10:07,652 --> 00:10:09,560
It's not funny!
212
00:10:09,592 --> 00:10:11,562
- Shut up!
- It's not funny.
213
00:10:11,594 --> 00:10:15,556
- Oh, my! Oh, that's like a pain.
- I'm really sorry.
214
00:10:15,587 --> 00:10:20,623
I think I was thinking about Dan's face
or maybe... his crotchal area.
215
00:10:20,655 --> 00:10:22,615
- No, but you're good.
- I kind of let loose.
216
00:10:22,646 --> 00:10:23,805
You got good aim. Wow!
217
00:10:24,586 --> 00:10:26,651
What am I doing? I am drinking alcohol
218
00:10:26,683 --> 00:10:28,737
on a racquetball court
and yelling at old men.
219
00:10:28,768 --> 00:10:30,582
I mean, what am I gonna do?
220
00:10:30,614 --> 00:10:33,762
Go get a studio apartment
or start taking spin classes?
221
00:10:33,794 --> 00:10:36,630
Oh, God! I don't wanna start a blog.
222
00:10:36,661 --> 00:10:39,612
- I don't know how to do that.
- Please don't do that.
223
00:10:42,688 --> 00:10:44,815
I should have just fought more.
224
00:10:45,597 --> 00:10:47,724
- You know?
- Don't do that to yourself.
225
00:10:47,756 --> 00:10:49,716
You did great.
226
00:10:49,747 --> 00:10:51,666
What about Maddie?
227
00:10:52,761 --> 00:10:54,794
- She's so great.
- She's so great.
228
00:10:54,825 --> 00:10:57,776
I don't regret that at all, I mean...
229
00:10:57,808 --> 00:10:59,810
That's the best, I mean, being her mom.
230
00:10:59,842 --> 00:11:01,833
I even liked being a wife.
231
00:11:02,614 --> 00:11:04,628
I just wanted to also have a career.
232
00:11:04,659 --> 00:11:07,631
I didn't see why I couldn't
have all of those things.
233
00:11:07,787 --> 00:11:11,739
Hey, yo! We don't have time
for your heartfelt conversations!
234
00:11:12,636 --> 00:11:13,835
They're so ornery.
235
00:11:14,617 --> 00:11:16,765
OK, let's razzle-dazzle, and show...
236
00:11:16,796 --> 00:11:19,862
- Oh, God, we have to move again?
- ..show the Muppet judges, right?
237
00:11:20,644 --> 00:11:22,698
My sciatica's kicking.
238
00:11:22,729 --> 00:11:24,742
Oh, God! Wow!
239
00:11:24,773 --> 00:11:26,869
The pain, it's blinding!
240
00:11:27,651 --> 00:11:29,872
I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry I did that.
I didn't mean to hit you.
241
00:11:30,654 --> 00:11:33,751
You don't need to apologise to me.
Just apologise to my vagina.
242
00:11:33,782 --> 00:11:35,711
(Deanna laughs wheezily)
243
00:11:35,742 --> 00:11:37,776
- I'm so sorry.
- (laughs)
244
00:11:37,808 --> 00:11:39,663
Stacey accepts your apology.
245
00:11:39,695 --> 00:11:41,749
- Who's Stacey?
- She's my vagina.
246
00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:44,752
You know what? I shouldn't say anything.
Mine is LeVonne.
247
00:11:44,783 --> 00:11:47,766
- What?
- I thought it sounded French.
248
00:11:52,896 --> 00:11:54,835
Oh, my God.
249
00:11:56,743 --> 00:11:57,848
(laughs) Oh-ho!
250
00:12:04,751 --> 00:12:06,774
That was not good hair.
251
00:12:07,702 --> 00:12:09,914
Too short. Too short, Deanna.
252
00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:36,774
- A-boo!
- (gasps)
253
00:12:36,805 --> 00:12:38,797
- Oh, God!
- Mom!
254
00:12:38,828 --> 00:12:41,821
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to actually scare you.
255
00:12:41,852 --> 00:12:43,770
- Hi!
- Surprise!
256
00:12:43,802 --> 00:12:45,752
What are you doing here?
257
00:12:45,783 --> 00:12:48,954
Well, I was just bringing you
some mini toiletries
258
00:12:49,735 --> 00:12:52,749
and I got you some more of that shampoo
that I know you like so much.
259
00:12:52,780 --> 00:12:55,752
Mom, I've only been here a week.
I don't need more shampoo.
260
00:12:55,783 --> 00:12:58,932
Oh, I always think everyone
can use shampoo
261
00:12:58,964 --> 00:13:02,811
and floss and frozen vegetable medleys.
262
00:13:02,843 --> 00:13:04,845
Always a good thing to have around.
263
00:13:04,876 --> 00:13:08,807
That's why I stopped by
and also to tell you that
264
00:13:08,838 --> 00:13:10,934
your father and I are getting a divorce.
265
00:13:10,965 --> 00:13:13,770
But if you want me
to take the shampoo back...
266
00:13:13,801 --> 00:13:14,927
Wait, what?
267
00:13:15,981 --> 00:13:17,899
Yeah, honey.
268
00:13:19,922 --> 00:13:22,748
I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to just blurt that out.
269
00:13:22,779 --> 00:13:23,854
I'm sorry.
270
00:13:23,885 --> 00:13:25,782
- Oh, my God!
- Come here.
271
00:13:26,993 --> 00:13:29,798
I didn't mean to do it like that.
272
00:13:29,829 --> 00:13:32,988
You know that this has nothing to do
with how much we love you.
273
00:13:33,770 --> 00:13:37,795
Because we love you.
We love you so much. So much, OK?
274
00:13:38,796 --> 00:13:39,901
Oh, my God.
275
00:13:40,923 --> 00:13:42,008
What happened?
276
00:13:42,790 --> 00:13:44,854
I guess in a nutshell, I would have to say
277
00:13:44,886 --> 00:13:48,827
that he is currently
having an intimate sexual relationship
278
00:13:48,858 --> 00:13:50,016
with somebody named Marcie.
279
00:13:50,798 --> 00:13:51,986
I'm so sorry, Mom.
280
00:13:52,018 --> 00:13:54,864
No, I'm... I'm sorry.
281
00:13:54,896 --> 00:13:55,969
I mean, this was not my plan.
282
00:13:56,002 --> 00:14:01,904
I did not mean to come over here
and just dump bad news on you.
283
00:14:01,935 --> 00:14:03,885
I wish I was...
284
00:14:03,916 --> 00:14:05,866
I wish I knew how to do this better.
285
00:14:05,897 --> 00:14:07,034
Dad is such an ass!
286
00:14:07,816 --> 00:14:09,818
Yeah. But I'll tell you this.
287
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:13,040
I'm not even really a full week in
but I'm feeling...
288
00:14:14,833 --> 00:14:15,918
..peppier about it.
289
00:14:15,949 --> 00:14:17,044
Top of the week was... Whoo!
290
00:14:17,826 --> 00:14:20,933
..really, really spiralling down there
but I feel like
291
00:14:20,964 --> 00:14:23,946
there's some big wheels in motion here.
292
00:14:23,978 --> 00:14:27,867
Exciting, big, semi-truck-size wheels.
293
00:14:27,898 --> 00:14:29,859
- (laughs)
- Yes, big wheels!
294
00:14:29,890 --> 00:14:32,028
Come on, seize the day! Go for the gold!
295
00:14:32,060 --> 00:14:34,990
Yeah, at least medal, right?
296
00:14:35,021 --> 00:14:38,921
That's why I'm gonna go back to college
and get my archaeology degree.
297
00:14:38,952 --> 00:14:40,985
Right here, my alma mater.
298
00:14:41,016 --> 00:14:43,050
I'm gonna finish what I started!
299
00:14:43,832 --> 00:14:44,927
- No.
- Yes!
300
00:14:44,958 --> 00:14:47,940
Mom, you really gotta take a moment
and think about this.
301
00:14:48,910 --> 00:14:51,913
Hm. I love it. (laughs)
302
00:14:51,944 --> 00:14:54,905
Oh... OK. Oh, boy.
303
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,887
OK. OK.
304
00:14:56,918 --> 00:14:58,013
Oh, boy.
305
00:14:58,044 --> 00:15:00,891
I overwhelmed my gal.
306
00:15:00,922 --> 00:15:02,955
Mom came in and overwhelmed her.
307
00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:04,029
Yes, I did.
308
00:15:04,060 --> 00:15:07,096
No, this is... this is good news.
309
00:15:07,877 --> 00:15:09,900
Yeah, good news. Mm-hm.
310
00:15:09,931 --> 00:15:11,068
Good news.
311
00:15:11,976 --> 00:15:14,979
I'll tell you what. I would hate
to have to clean all these spindles.
312
00:15:15,010 --> 00:15:17,106
- I think you could do it.
- I know I could.
313
00:15:18,034 --> 00:15:19,869
You doing OK?
314
00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:21,892
- Yeah, I'll be OK.
- OK. I know.
315
00:15:21,923 --> 00:15:23,967
Yeah, you're a tough cookie.
316
00:15:24,936 --> 00:15:26,021
Ohh!
317
00:15:26,052 --> 00:15:28,023
Hey! Hello!
318
00:15:28,054 --> 00:15:30,056
Look who's here. The gang's all here.
319
00:15:30,087 --> 00:15:32,882
- Hi!
- Hi, Mrs Miles!
320
00:15:32,913 --> 00:15:35,885
Look at this. Oh, it's a study group.
Study buddies already.
321
00:15:35,916 --> 00:15:38,012
- You should be down here studying.
- Please stop, Mom.
322
00:15:38,127 --> 00:15:41,067
Look at you.
Boy, a sight for sore eyes, huh?
323
00:15:41,098 --> 00:15:44,967
Hello to my fellow Tigers,
fellow students,
324
00:15:44,998 --> 00:15:48,898
because somebody's mom
just enrolled in college!
325
00:15:48,930 --> 00:15:50,995
I'm referring to myself.
326
00:15:51,026 --> 00:15:52,955
Wait, you're going to school here now?
327
00:15:52,986 --> 00:15:55,113
She's thinking about it.
It's not for sure yet.
328
00:15:55,145 --> 00:15:58,116
It's pretty for sure.
I don't think I'm gonna change my mind.
329
00:15:58,148 --> 00:16:02,120
And, you know, it made me start wondering
when I was signing up today.
330
00:16:02,152 --> 00:16:07,021
I thought, "Wasn't Amanda talking about
switching to the archaeology department?"
331
00:16:07,052 --> 00:16:09,982
- Was that you?
- No, I'm art history.
332
00:16:10,014 --> 00:16:11,161
No. How about you?
333
00:16:11,943 --> 00:16:12,985
No, it's not me.
334
00:16:13,017 --> 00:16:16,927
No. I'm so sorry, we haven't met.
I haven't had the pleasure.
335
00:16:16,958 --> 00:16:18,991
- I'm Helen. Hi!
- Did I get lucky?
336
00:16:19,023 --> 00:16:22,954
Are you possibly an archaeology major?
There's usually two of us in a room.
337
00:16:22,985 --> 00:16:24,164
I'm undeclared.
338
00:16:24,946 --> 00:16:26,156
(whispers): There's still time.
339
00:16:26,938 --> 00:16:28,074
There's still time. Check into it.
340
00:16:28,106 --> 00:16:30,984
Now, I couldn't help noticing
341
00:16:31,015 --> 00:16:33,173
that you're a little whisper older
than the other girls.
342
00:16:33,955 --> 00:16:36,103
Are you a TA or maybe a grad student?
343
00:16:36,134 --> 00:16:39,148
No, I'm a sophomore.
But I started college a little bit later
344
00:16:39,179 --> 00:16:41,108
because I was in a coma for eight years.
345
00:16:41,139 --> 00:16:43,027
Oh, my gosh!
346
00:16:43,058 --> 00:16:46,989
If I may, I'm just wondering,
how did it... how did that happen?
347
00:16:47,020 --> 00:16:48,167
Yes, I was skydiving.
348
00:16:48,199 --> 00:16:50,003
(exhales) Boy!
349
00:16:50,034 --> 00:16:52,171
One minute you're falling out of
a plane, then the lights go out.
350
00:16:52,204 --> 00:16:54,987
Next thing I know, I wake up.
I think it's the next day
351
00:16:55,018 --> 00:16:57,209
but I've grown four inches
and suddenly I have C cups.
352
00:16:57,990 --> 00:16:59,106
It was eight years gone.
353
00:16:59,138 --> 00:17:02,130
I also have C cups. But I didn't have
to go into a coma for them.
354
00:17:02,161 --> 00:17:05,039
Mom! I think that's your cue.
355
00:17:05,071 --> 00:17:07,114
I think, maybe, you've gotta hit the road.
356
00:17:07,146 --> 00:17:09,158
- Yes, I'm sorry.
- Yeah.
357
00:17:09,189 --> 00:17:13,214
Yes. Put a fork in me. I'm done. So sorry.
358
00:17:13,996 --> 00:17:16,061
I'm gonna toddle off, on that note.
359
00:17:16,092 --> 00:17:17,145
So nice meeting you.
360
00:17:17,176 --> 00:17:21,055
So nice to meet you, Helen.
Girls, what a delight to see you again.
361
00:17:21,087 --> 00:17:23,162
OK, all right.
362
00:17:23,193 --> 00:17:27,093
Well, I'll see you around campus
or on the quad.
363
00:17:27,124 --> 00:17:29,105
- Nobody says that, Mom.
- Nobody says that?
364
00:17:29,136 --> 00:17:31,223
I'll bring it back.
See you in the quad, Tigers.
365
00:17:32,004 --> 00:17:33,100
Bye, Mrs Miles!
366
00:17:33,131 --> 00:17:35,123
AMANDA: And welcome.
- (door closes)
367
00:17:36,769 --> 00:17:38,906
♪ ST PAUL AND THE BROKEN BONES:
Sugar Dyed
368
00:17:40,962 --> 00:17:43,755
So, here's your class schedule.
369
00:17:43,786 --> 00:17:45,862
Wow! I am pumped!
370
00:17:45,894 --> 00:17:47,969
- Thank you so much!
- You're so welcome.
371
00:17:49,752 --> 00:17:51,837
- All right, take care.
- Bye now.
372
00:17:51,868 --> 00:17:54,788
I already got senioritis. Kidding!
373
00:17:55,768 --> 00:17:56,811
Yes!
374
00:17:56,967 --> 00:17:58,969
♪ Ain't nobody, ain't nobody
375
00:18:00,888 --> 00:18:02,963
♪ Gonna steal my brand-new groove
376
00:18:03,745 --> 00:18:05,789
Ooh! Yes!
377
00:18:07,895 --> 00:18:09,991
♪ I'm about to lose my cool
378
00:18:11,909 --> 00:18:13,911
♪ I need you, babe
379
00:18:16,905 --> 00:18:19,929
Oh, did you see these in there?
They're tiny footballs!
380
00:18:19,960 --> 00:18:22,942
- Aren't they so cute?
- No idea what I'm gonna do with them.
381
00:18:22,973 --> 00:18:26,884
I guess I'll find tiny football players.
(chuckles)
382
00:18:29,907 --> 00:18:32,806
Let me just get my grip.
383
00:18:33,828 --> 00:18:34,985
You're a sight for sore eyes.
384
00:18:35,017 --> 00:18:37,863
If you could just maybe grab that...
385
00:18:38,885 --> 00:18:40,877
I guess chivalry's dead.
386
00:18:40,908 --> 00:18:43,817
Wearing sweatpants in broad daylight.
387
00:18:43,848 --> 00:18:45,788
There's another one.
388
00:18:45,819 --> 00:18:47,998
Future Dans of America.
389
00:18:52,805 --> 00:18:53,912
Hello?
390
00:18:54,849 --> 00:18:56,809
Hi! Oh...
391
00:19:03,025 --> 00:19:05,006
- Don't turn on the lights.
- Ohh!
392
00:19:05,037 --> 00:19:07,842
Oh! (chuckles)
393
00:19:07,873 --> 00:19:09,823
Hi, there.
394
00:19:10,053 --> 00:19:15,026
I'm Deanna
and you must be Lenore or is it Leonor?
395
00:19:18,978 --> 00:19:21,919
OK, well, I'm sure we'll get into that.
396
00:19:22,941 --> 00:19:24,880
So we're roomies, huh?
397
00:19:25,026 --> 00:19:27,018
Fun to be roomies.
398
00:19:27,050 --> 00:19:28,926
Bunkmates.
399
00:19:30,886 --> 00:19:33,014
It's dark in here. Were you asleep?
400
00:19:33,045 --> 00:19:35,902
I don't sleep. I'm scared of the dark.
401
00:19:35,934 --> 00:19:37,988
(chuckles) Oh, boy.
402
00:19:38,019 --> 00:19:42,044
I'm scared of a lot of things.
I'm scared of crowds, books, flying,
403
00:19:42,075 --> 00:19:44,964
people, ants, ketchup.
404
00:19:44,995 --> 00:19:46,934
Oh, ketchup's a tough one for me.
405
00:19:46,966 --> 00:19:52,023
I mean, I like a moutarde
but I'm kind of a ketchup gal.
406
00:19:52,054 --> 00:19:54,045
I like to dunk my taters.
407
00:19:54,077 --> 00:19:56,047
OK. I like that.
408
00:19:56,923 --> 00:20:00,051
OK, well, we are gonna get along
just great.
409
00:20:00,083 --> 00:20:01,949
Ohh!
410
00:20:01,981 --> 00:20:03,962
Look at that spring back.
411
00:20:03,993 --> 00:20:07,904
I'll tell you what,
I did not expect that kind of resilience.
412
00:20:08,081 --> 00:20:10,083
(Deanna laughs)
413
00:20:12,054 --> 00:20:14,025
(alarm bleeps)
414
00:20:14,056 --> 00:20:15,067
(alarm stops)
415
00:20:15,099 --> 00:20:17,977
Oh! First day at school!
416
00:20:18,008 --> 00:20:19,092
LEONOR: Shut up!
- Sorry.
417
00:20:19,124 --> 00:20:21,011
(whispers): First day at school.
418
00:20:21,939 --> 00:20:24,973
Hey, guys. Go Tigers, right?
419
00:20:25,098 --> 00:20:27,027
Oh, man.
420
00:20:27,059 --> 00:20:29,092
Oh! I want it. Yes!
421
00:20:29,123 --> 00:20:32,095
I'd love a brainstorming session,
I've got one.
422
00:20:32,126 --> 00:20:34,086
Hit it high! There we go.
423
00:20:34,952 --> 00:20:36,036
Hey, Mondays, huh?
424
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,934
(laughs)
425
00:20:37,965 --> 00:20:40,073
Oh, this is amazing!
426
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:43,920
(low dialogue)
427
00:20:49,978 --> 00:20:51,980
(Deanna exhales)
428
00:20:55,056 --> 00:20:58,018
OK. Let's do this.
429
00:20:58,049 --> 00:21:00,061
Good seats. Good pick.
430
00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:03,033
I'm gonna go a little further up
because of my progressives.
431
00:21:03,064 --> 00:21:05,953
You want a study buddy?
I'll give you my landline.
432
00:21:05,984 --> 00:21:08,038
Maybe we could kind of... Oh! Oh!
433
00:21:08,069 --> 00:21:09,164
- Hi!
- Hi!
434
00:21:09,998 --> 00:21:13,001
I hate to do this.
God, there's always that one, right?
435
00:21:13,033 --> 00:21:15,035
It's, like, "I gotta sit
in the centre-centre."
436
00:21:15,066 --> 00:21:17,986
Ooh, look at you. Real big feet.
437
00:21:18,018 --> 00:21:19,029
Ohh!
438
00:21:19,061 --> 00:21:21,188
Sorry, let me give you that back.
You got it.
439
00:21:21,970 --> 00:21:23,044
- Hi!
- Hi.
440
00:21:23,075 --> 00:21:25,077
Hi, there. Oh, God, I'm sorry.
441
00:21:25,108 --> 00:21:27,048
Sorry. I apologise.
442
00:21:27,079 --> 00:21:30,051
(laughs) You got hit by school spirit.
443
00:21:30,082 --> 00:21:33,137
Wow! Look at you, all decked out.
444
00:21:33,168 --> 00:21:36,088
You know what?
I am excited to be in this class.
445
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:39,133
Now, I have to say,
I'm surprised to see you in here.
446
00:21:39,164 --> 00:21:43,053
Well, after I met you,
I watched Indiana Jones.
447
00:21:43,085 --> 00:21:44,993
(exhales) The best.
448
00:21:45,024 --> 00:21:48,017
- Then, scuttlebutt on the street is...
- What is that?
449
00:21:48,048 --> 00:21:51,020
Everything's already been dug up,
so this is a really easy class.
450
00:21:51,051 --> 00:21:52,167
No, I gotta agree to disagree.
451
00:21:52,199 --> 00:21:55,170
But good news,
this means we're both Jurassic junkies.
452
00:21:55,202 --> 00:21:57,183
(both chuckle)
453
00:21:57,214 --> 00:21:59,164
Oh, look at this place. Oh.
454
00:21:59,195 --> 00:22:01,072
Oh, boy.
455
00:22:03,001 --> 00:22:06,025
Excuse me, I think your bag's got
a case of the dropsies.
456
00:22:06,056 --> 00:22:08,142
It went through the chute there.
457
00:22:08,173 --> 00:22:12,135
(grunts) Farther in than I thought.
You know what?
458
00:22:12,167 --> 00:22:13,168
That tip.
459
00:22:13,199 --> 00:22:15,232
The little tip of that cracked right off.
460
00:22:16,014 --> 00:22:19,080
But, luckily for you, I got a whole
haul of mechanical pencils
461
00:22:19,111 --> 00:22:21,144
so the lead keeps replenishing
as you twist.
462
00:22:21,176 --> 00:22:23,241
You want in on this, huh?
463
00:22:24,022 --> 00:22:26,066
- No, thank you.
- No?
464
00:22:26,171 --> 00:22:28,142
- But I love your sweater.
- (sniggers)
465
00:22:28,173 --> 00:22:30,071
Ohh!
466
00:22:30,102 --> 00:22:33,053
Thank you so much.
Yeah, I thought it really popped.
467
00:22:33,084 --> 00:22:34,263
Yeah, I was kidding.
468
00:22:35,045 --> 00:22:36,181
It's a horrible sweater.
469
00:22:36,212 --> 00:22:39,184
It's a horrible, super-sad mom sweater.
470
00:22:43,147 --> 00:22:45,055
OK.
471
00:22:45,086 --> 00:22:46,202
I see we're still doing that.
472
00:22:46,233 --> 00:22:50,091
Girls being mean to other girls
for no apparent reason.
473
00:22:50,122 --> 00:22:55,096
There is a reason. You're not a girl,
you're 1,000 years old.
474
00:22:55,127 --> 00:22:57,286
You're ancient. A relic.
475
00:22:58,172 --> 00:23:00,195
She's pleased with herself over that one.
476
00:23:00,227 --> 00:23:05,086
Well, guess what? If I'm a relic,
then I guess I'm in the right class.
477
00:23:05,117 --> 00:23:07,099
(chuckles) Whoo!
478
00:23:07,130 --> 00:23:08,245
Swoosh.
479
00:23:08,277 --> 00:23:10,237
It's an archaeology jam.
480
00:23:10,268 --> 00:23:14,210
Who made jam out of that mess of berries?
Me.
481
00:23:14,241 --> 00:23:16,160
LECTURER:
Good afternoon, everyone.
482
00:23:16,191 --> 00:23:20,132
Welcome to Archaeology 301.
483
00:23:21,154 --> 00:23:22,187
Oh, my God.
484
00:23:22,218 --> 00:23:24,282
I think that's Wayne Truzack.
485
00:23:24,314 --> 00:23:27,254
He was a classmate of mine 20 years ago.
486
00:23:27,285 --> 00:23:32,238
First of all, I wanna tell you that your
satisfaction in this class is guaranteed
487
00:23:32,269 --> 00:23:35,179
or you'll get double your mummy back.
488
00:23:35,210 --> 00:23:37,191
(Deanna chuckles)
489
00:23:37,223 --> 00:23:39,225
(she laughs hysterically)
490
00:23:40,268 --> 00:23:42,166
"Mummy back."
491
00:23:42,197 --> 00:23:44,272
- Oh!
- I don't get why that's funny.
492
00:23:44,303 --> 00:23:47,265
It is funny but it's also punny.
493
00:23:48,234 --> 00:23:51,112
Hey, freaks, shut up!
494
00:23:58,119 --> 00:23:59,245
(Deanna gasps softly)
495
00:24:00,173 --> 00:24:01,299
No! No! No!
496
00:24:05,345 --> 00:24:07,347
(Deanna chuckles nervously)
497
00:24:08,234 --> 00:24:10,131
No. No. No.
498
00:24:19,162 --> 00:24:21,164
I brought snacks!
499
00:24:24,157 --> 00:24:27,139
I don't know. I'm loving my classes.
500
00:24:27,170 --> 00:24:29,339
They're amazing. I feel like I'm learning.
501
00:24:29,370 --> 00:24:32,196
I think I felt for so long like
my brain was in a freezer
502
00:24:32,227 --> 00:24:34,250
and now I've really come room temp.
503
00:24:34,281 --> 00:24:35,366
It's just great!
504
00:24:36,148 --> 00:24:38,358
- Can I say something?
- You could say whatever you want, Debbie.
505
00:24:38,390 --> 00:24:41,351
- You don't have to ask.
- Thanks, Amanda.
506
00:24:41,382 --> 00:24:44,302
I think it's really great
you had something bad happen to you
507
00:24:44,333 --> 00:24:46,399
and that you're making lemons
out of lemonade.
508
00:24:47,305 --> 00:24:51,216
I think you did kind of flip-flop
that saying.
509
00:24:51,247 --> 00:24:53,228
It's supposed to be
"lemonade out of lemons".
510
00:24:53,260 --> 00:24:56,356
You take something sour
and you turn it into something sweet.
511
00:24:56,388 --> 00:24:59,287
Pretty sure it's
"make lemons out of lemonade".
512
00:24:59,318 --> 00:25:02,196
It's kind of the idea that
something bad happened to you,
513
00:25:02,227 --> 00:25:06,210
like your husband leaving you
and squashing you to make lemonade.
514
00:25:06,241 --> 00:25:09,349
Then pulling yourself back together again
and now you're a whole lemon.
515
00:25:09,380 --> 00:25:13,280
Huh! That was a very visual story.
516
00:25:13,311 --> 00:25:15,355
Very painful visual
517
00:25:15,386 --> 00:25:20,297
but then the whole lemon really does
bring it back around to the flip side.
518
00:25:20,328 --> 00:25:21,403
So thank you for that.
519
00:25:21,435 --> 00:25:25,260
I appreciate the sentiment
and I appreciate these cheeks.
520
00:25:25,293 --> 00:25:28,244
Oh, my God! I can't let go! (laughs)
521
00:25:28,275 --> 00:25:30,266
Deanna, you wanna stick around
and hang out?
522
00:25:30,298 --> 00:25:33,415
I would love to hang.
My first college hang.
523
00:25:33,447 --> 00:25:37,211
I am free as a bird. I'm down to clown.
524
00:25:37,242 --> 00:25:39,265
Deanna's such a mouthful.
525
00:25:39,296 --> 00:25:40,422
What if I called you Dee Dee?
526
00:25:41,277 --> 00:25:43,238
I have always wanted a nickname.
527
00:25:43,269 --> 00:25:45,313
What about Dee Rock or Dee Train?
528
00:25:45,344 --> 00:25:46,387
Or Glenn?
529
00:25:46,418 --> 00:25:48,295
Why would we call her Glenn?
530
00:25:48,326 --> 00:25:52,341
Just cos I love Glenn Close
and I was thinking about her.
531
00:25:52,372 --> 00:25:54,447
- I love Glenn Close.
- You do?
532
00:25:55,229 --> 00:25:56,365
Fatal Attraction, best movie ever.
533
00:25:56,397 --> 00:25:58,452
- That the one where she boiled a rabbit?
- It is.
534
00:25:59,233 --> 00:26:02,267
I think I showed that to Maddie
a little too early on
535
00:26:02,299 --> 00:26:04,395
because she urinated in her underpants.
536
00:26:04,426 --> 00:26:05,427
Mom!
537
00:26:05,459 --> 00:26:09,484
And would not eat anything out of a stew
pot for a good six to eight months.
538
00:26:10,266 --> 00:26:14,311
Or she would just keep re-urinating
in her underpants.
539
00:26:14,343 --> 00:26:15,365
Mom, stop!
540
00:26:15,396 --> 00:26:18,263
Let's watch it.
Let's rent it. Movie night.
541
00:26:18,295 --> 00:26:21,277
Yeah, you know...
I love a good movie night.
542
00:26:21,308 --> 00:26:25,281
But I think...
my mom does not want to hang out here.
543
00:26:25,312 --> 00:26:29,264
She's just stopping by. She's not gonna
hang out with her daughter's friends.
544
00:26:29,295 --> 00:26:31,507
That would be so weird.
That would be weird.
545
00:26:33,278 --> 00:26:36,397
Maddie's right.
I can't hang out right now.
546
00:26:36,428 --> 00:26:40,349
I've gotta get home and get in some
good hang time with my new roomie.
547
00:26:40,380 --> 00:26:43,414
- What's her name?
- You know what? It's Leonor or Lenore.
548
00:26:43,446 --> 00:26:44,457
I'm not really sure.
549
00:26:44,488 --> 00:26:47,502
We're just kind of getting used
to each other, I'm sure.
550
00:26:48,284 --> 00:26:50,463
She kind of mutters around the room,
talking to herself.
551
00:26:50,494 --> 00:26:54,373
I just kind of get a Voldemort vibe
from her.
552
00:26:54,405 --> 00:26:58,294
But I will take a rain check on the movie,
if that... Or not.
553
00:26:58,450 --> 00:27:00,379
- Rain check.
- OK. Rain check.
554
00:27:00,411 --> 00:27:01,432
Aw!
555
00:27:01,464 --> 00:27:04,425
I'll make the popcorn.
I got a sweet and savoury one.
556
00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:05,488
- Great!
- Bye.
557
00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:07,324
- Bye, Mom.
- Bye, Dee Rock.
558
00:27:07,355 --> 00:27:08,471
- She's amazing.
- Yeah.
559
00:27:08,503 --> 00:27:12,392
That was very nice of her
to bring food for you guys.
560
00:27:12,424 --> 00:27:14,405
I love your mom.
561
00:27:14,436 --> 00:27:17,501
Last thing. You're not gonna...
Thunder dunder clouds up ahead.
562
00:27:17,533 --> 00:27:20,484
And I just said rain check.
It's like I conjured it.
563
00:27:20,515 --> 00:27:24,404
- Oh, great.
- OK. Bye-bye. Last hug.
564
00:27:24,436 --> 00:27:25,457
- OK.
- I love you.
565
00:27:25,489 --> 00:27:27,376
Look at her dancing me out!
566
00:27:27,407 --> 00:27:29,347
We're like Fred and... OK.
567
00:27:35,457 --> 00:27:37,417
You're a bookworm, huh?
568
00:27:39,357 --> 00:27:41,515
Oh, my God. How long have you been there?
569
00:27:41,546 --> 00:27:43,413
Six minutes.
570
00:27:43,581 --> 00:27:45,467
(chuckles nervously)
571
00:27:47,532 --> 00:27:49,566
You're a quiet one.
(chuckles nervously)
572
00:27:50,347 --> 00:27:51,484
You get good grades, huh?
573
00:27:51,516 --> 00:27:53,403
Uh...well...
574
00:27:53,434 --> 00:27:57,376
I try. I really enjoy
the subject matter and...
575
00:27:57,407 --> 00:28:00,420
I don't know,
I just find archaeology a constant wonder.
576
00:28:00,452 --> 00:28:03,455
You like to dig up stuff?
I like to bury stuff.
577
00:28:03,486 --> 00:28:05,363
OK.
578
00:28:05,394 --> 00:28:07,594
Look at us! Kind of yin and yang...
579
00:28:08,376 --> 00:28:10,608
having our first conversation, huh?
580
00:28:11,390 --> 00:28:12,464
Fun.
581
00:28:12,495 --> 00:28:16,551
Listen, while we're gabbing,
I was just kind of wondering...
582
00:28:16,582 --> 00:28:19,439
It's been a few weeks.
583
00:28:19,471 --> 00:28:21,588
I'm thinking, "I wonder if she's ever
gonna go...
584
00:28:21,620 --> 00:28:24,392
outside the room?"
585
00:28:24,424 --> 00:28:27,521
Maybe for a class or a...
you know, a coven meeting.
586
00:28:28,470 --> 00:28:29,513
I'm kidding.
587
00:28:29,544 --> 00:28:31,546
I've gone on the other side of that door.
588
00:28:31,577 --> 00:28:32,589
Oh, yeah...
589
00:28:32,620 --> 00:28:35,571
I find you behind that door all the time
590
00:28:35,602 --> 00:28:38,397
but that's inside my closet.
591
00:28:38,428 --> 00:28:40,451
So, I was just wondering...
592
00:28:40,482 --> 00:28:45,519
are you ever gonna go out of maybe
that door... into the, let's say, hallway?
593
00:28:45,644 --> 00:28:48,407
I'll probably stick to that door.
594
00:28:48,438 --> 00:28:50,419
- You wanna stick to my closet?
- Yeah.
595
00:28:50,451 --> 00:28:51,566
OK.
596
00:28:52,588 --> 00:28:54,590
- I like you.
- Ohh!
597
00:28:54,622 --> 00:28:56,530
(Deanna clears her throat)
598
00:28:57,437 --> 00:28:58,564
And we're friends.
599
00:28:58,595 --> 00:29:00,440
I certainly hope so.
600
00:29:00,472 --> 00:29:01,629
I'm might go back to my room.
601
00:29:03,548 --> 00:29:04,601
OK.
602
00:29:11,608 --> 00:29:14,486
Mm! Wow! That smells great. What is that?
603
00:29:14,517 --> 00:29:16,644
Yes, it's Fiori Antichi Della Novella.
604
00:29:16,676 --> 00:29:18,667
Remember? We got it a Firenze.
605
00:29:19,449 --> 00:29:20,669
Mi piace.
606
00:29:21,451 --> 00:29:22,619
- It turns me on.
- Yeah.
607
00:29:23,662 --> 00:29:27,489
(inhales deeply) Mm!
608
00:29:28,448 --> 00:29:29,626
CHRISTINE:
What is that smell?
609
00:29:30,533 --> 00:29:33,515
It's probably garlic and Dial.
610
00:29:33,547 --> 00:29:35,486
And a little mayo.
611
00:29:35,518 --> 00:29:37,500
I had an Italian sandwich.
612
00:29:37,531 --> 00:29:38,688
They're lovers.
613
00:29:39,470 --> 00:29:40,628
No, they're not. They're jealous.
614
00:29:40,659 --> 00:29:42,692
No, we're best... best friends.
615
00:29:43,474 --> 00:29:45,612
- Yes.
- I can't believe you brought her.
616
00:29:45,643 --> 00:29:47,676
I can't believe you brought Christine.
617
00:29:47,708 --> 00:29:50,596
I can't believe you shacked up
with a bitch!
618
00:29:50,627 --> 00:29:51,680
MARCIE:
Hey! Hey!
619
00:29:51,712 --> 00:29:54,715
- That is not gonna be useful today.
- This bitch...
620
00:29:55,497 --> 00:29:57,561
has a lot of reason to be here.
621
00:29:57,593 --> 00:30:00,564
I am an excellent negotiator.
I am a realtor.
622
00:30:00,596 --> 00:30:03,578
Yes. Not only do you destroy homes,
you also sell them.
623
00:30:03,609 --> 00:30:05,695
- Isn't that come full circle?
- Oh, good burn!
624
00:30:05,727 --> 00:30:07,519
DAN:
OK.
625
00:30:07,550 --> 00:30:08,698
Hello, all. As you know,
626
00:30:08,730 --> 00:30:12,713
this mediation is here to help facilitate
the terms of your divorce.
627
00:30:13,495 --> 00:30:14,663
So, just so you know,
628
00:30:14,694 --> 00:30:16,613
this is not a court of law, all right?
629
00:30:16,644 --> 00:30:20,658
You will all be civilised and you will
please address all speech to me.
630
00:30:20,689 --> 00:30:21,743
- To you.
- To you.
631
00:30:22,525 --> 00:30:23,609
- No crosstalk.
- No.
632
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:27,676
Even if we wanna talk to one another,
we can't. If I wanted to say, "Dina..."
633
00:30:27,707 --> 00:30:30,512
- You'd look at me.
- I'd look at you, I'd say, "Dina...
634
00:30:30,543 --> 00:30:33,619
I am going to have...
a beautiful life with your husband...
635
00:30:33,650 --> 00:30:34,672
Dina."
636
00:30:34,703 --> 00:30:38,614
- If I were to say, "Marky..."
- Marcie.
637
00:30:38,645 --> 00:30:41,533
"..you're gonna be very disappointed
in bed
638
00:30:41,565 --> 00:30:43,672
cos Dan's downstairs
is not gonna do the trick."
639
00:30:43,703 --> 00:30:45,632
(Christine laughs)
640
00:30:45,663 --> 00:30:48,666
I don't know why you're laughing.
Frank's not great downstairs, either.
641
00:30:48,698 --> 00:30:50,689
MEDIATOR: To me.
- We play tennis together.
642
00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:53,640
- Frank is no big deal down there.
- He's right. Frank is not.
643
00:30:53,671 --> 00:30:54,766
I have a question, Dan.
644
00:30:55,548 --> 00:30:58,708
Why is it that you're playing tennis
with Frank pantsless?
645
00:30:58,739 --> 00:31:01,679
- This is not helping our process.
- Thank you.
646
00:31:01,711 --> 00:31:05,663
- OK. Can we proceed?
- She's not signing anything, Your Honour.
647
00:31:05,694 --> 00:31:06,716
If I may.
648
00:31:06,747 --> 00:31:09,656
I'm not a judge. Remember,
I said this isn't a court of law.
649
00:31:10,615 --> 00:31:14,567
My name is Christine Davenport,
good friend to Deanna.
650
00:31:14,599 --> 00:31:15,745
And I am here as a support.
651
00:31:15,777 --> 00:31:22,670
And also I have been studying
lots of documents on legalzoom.com.
652
00:31:22,701 --> 00:31:25,621
Thank you. Thank you for that.
I just want to get this over with.
653
00:31:25,652 --> 00:31:26,674
MARCIE:
Terrifying!
654
00:31:26,705 --> 00:31:32,649
I want it on the record that the accused
are currently in the process
655
00:31:32,680 --> 00:31:37,706
of selling my client's home...
and not splitting the proceeds.
656
00:31:37,737 --> 00:31:42,826
Because the house was 100 per cent
in Daniel's name. So...
657
00:31:43,608 --> 00:31:46,600
That was our house, Dan.
You know that was our house.
658
00:31:46,632 --> 00:31:49,791
I understand, but we're gonna settle this,
and that's why we're here, OK?
659
00:31:49,822 --> 00:31:51,668
- Daniel...
- Don't interject.
660
00:31:51,699 --> 00:31:53,765
- Don't be a weenie.
- I'm not being a weenie.
661
00:31:53,796 --> 00:31:55,641
- OK...
- I'm not being a weenie.
662
00:31:55,672 --> 00:31:57,842
Well, that's debatable. This is not...
663
00:31:58,624 --> 00:31:59,750
This is not helping our process.
664
00:31:59,781 --> 00:32:03,702
There is no probable clause
to implicate this witness.
665
00:32:03,733 --> 00:32:05,641
I move to dismiss.
666
00:32:05,672 --> 00:32:09,697
I just want to say for the record, I just
needed an upgrade in my life, Deanna.
667
00:32:09,729 --> 00:32:11,856
- You son of a...
MEDIATOR: OK. To me, please.
668
00:32:12,638 --> 00:32:14,650
I'm sorry. You son of a bitch.
669
00:32:14,681 --> 00:32:17,643
- No, you're the son of a bitch.
- You're the son of a bitch!
670
00:32:17,674 --> 00:32:19,739
- You're the son of a bitch.
- I object!
671
00:32:19,770 --> 00:32:21,866
I object! I'm not even a judge. OK?
672
00:32:22,648 --> 00:32:23,795
I'm just gonna take...
673
00:32:23,826 --> 00:32:26,683
I'm just gonna take a break.
Gotta strategise.
674
00:32:26,714 --> 00:32:27,788
MARCIE:
Are you coming back?
675
00:32:27,819 --> 00:32:31,636
I refuse to disclose information
about my client.
676
00:32:33,764 --> 00:32:34,880
Case adjourned.
677
00:32:35,860 --> 00:32:37,726
Deanna!
678
00:32:37,758 --> 00:32:39,801
We know what room she's in.
We don't need to yell.
679
00:32:39,832 --> 00:32:42,669
- I like to yell!
- Let her yell.
680
00:32:42,700 --> 00:32:44,733
Guys, why are we going
to see my mom right now?
681
00:32:44,765 --> 00:32:46,892
Because we haven't seen her all week
and we miss her.
682
00:32:52,773 --> 00:32:53,899
Hey, Mom. What's up?
683
00:32:54,681 --> 00:32:57,673
Hey, what are you guys doing in here?
684
00:32:57,705 --> 00:32:59,665
- What's wrong?
- (sighs)
685
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:02,803
We filed our paperwork today,
686
00:33:02,835 --> 00:33:06,755
so your dad and I are
officially getting divorced.
687
00:33:07,820 --> 00:33:09,718
Oh, my God! I'm so sorry.
688
00:33:09,749 --> 00:33:12,804
I'm sorry. I don't even like
talking to you about this stuff.
689
00:33:12,835 --> 00:33:14,743
No, don't worry at all.
690
00:33:14,775 --> 00:33:17,767
I just know he's gonna fight me
on, like, every little thing.
691
00:33:17,799 --> 00:33:19,853
So it's just...
it's a little frustrating is all.
692
00:33:19,884 --> 00:33:22,876
- That looks really good.
- Yeah, it used to be in a can.
693
00:33:22,908 --> 00:33:24,774
Can I say something?
694
00:33:24,806 --> 00:33:25,932
- Just say it, Debbie.
- Just say it.
695
00:33:26,714 --> 00:33:27,809
Yes, honey.
696
00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:30,832
We need to get you jackhammer blasted.
697
00:33:31,719 --> 00:33:34,847
I just am not really in the mood
to kind of, you know, hang out.
698
00:33:34,878 --> 00:33:37,871
- And I don't want to impose, so...
- Come on!
699
00:33:38,882 --> 00:33:40,728
You're not imposing, Mom.
700
00:33:40,759 --> 00:33:42,792
- I am imposing.
- No, you're not.
701
00:33:42,825 --> 00:33:43,951
You're not imposing.
702
00:33:44,732 --> 00:33:47,715
You just got some really rough news
and to be honest,
703
00:33:47,746 --> 00:33:48,893
we both got really rough news.
704
00:33:48,924 --> 00:33:52,835
But, you're in college now.
You gotta learn how to party through it.
705
00:33:52,866 --> 00:33:55,848
All right, girl.
I'm gonna go to a party with my mom.
706
00:33:55,879 --> 00:33:57,892
Let's do it. I'm gonna be that girl!
707
00:33:57,923 --> 00:34:00,790
Come on. I wanna...
♪ Party with my mama
708
00:34:00,822 --> 00:34:02,876
♪ We all wanna party with your mama
709
00:34:02,907 --> 00:34:06,817
♪ Party with your mama
Party with your mama
710
00:34:06,974 --> 00:34:10,873
- All right. I'm down to clown!
- Dee Rock's down to clown!
711
00:34:10,905 --> 00:34:12,938
I am also down to clown.
I'm always down to clown.
712
00:34:12,969 --> 00:34:14,972
It's just something that I do
all the time.
713
00:34:15,753 --> 00:34:16,964
- I like your vibe.
- Why?
714
00:34:19,049 --> 00:34:21,030
(chatter and laughter)
715
00:34:21,061 --> 00:34:24,200
- Oh, it's pretty lively!
- Yeah, it's a party, Mom.
716
00:34:24,231 --> 00:34:26,233
Well, it's also a school night.
717
00:34:27,015 --> 00:34:29,142
Dee, I think those guys
just checked you out.
718
00:34:29,174 --> 00:34:31,030
- No, they weren't!
- Yes, they were.
719
00:34:31,061 --> 00:34:34,220
They're probably just looking at my smock.
It tends to catch the light.
720
00:34:34,252 --> 00:34:37,036
Oh, they're so young.
721
00:34:37,161 --> 00:34:39,100
I think I'm too old to be here.
722
00:34:39,132 --> 00:34:41,071
No, come on! It'll be so fun.
723
00:34:41,102 --> 00:34:43,262
Let's rock out with our lady dongs out.
724
00:34:44,043 --> 00:34:45,253
That's not a thing.
725
00:34:46,034 --> 00:34:47,130
(music pounding)
726
00:34:47,161 --> 00:34:49,028
Shots! Shots! Shots!
727
00:34:49,059 --> 00:34:52,062
- What do we want?
- Full velocity!
728
00:34:52,093 --> 00:34:54,064
♪ BLIND SCUBA DIVERS:
Workin' On My Tan B*tch
729
00:34:54,095 --> 00:34:58,120
Oh, it's so loud in here!
I can barely hear myself think.
730
00:35:00,101 --> 00:35:01,144
Hey!
731
00:35:01,175 --> 00:35:04,105
There's your boyfriend.
Doesn't he look sharp?
732
00:35:04,137 --> 00:35:06,107
- Yeah, let's go get a drink.
- Oh, stairs!
733
00:35:06,139 --> 00:35:07,181
Yep.
734
00:35:07,213 --> 00:35:10,174
I just wish you would have let me
bring a covered dish.
735
00:35:10,205 --> 00:35:14,053
- That would have been so weird.
- No, it's weird to not bring something.
736
00:35:14,084 --> 00:35:15,295
- Hell, no.
- Hell, no.
737
00:35:16,076 --> 00:35:19,079
Maddie, you're not bringing
old people to this party.
738
00:35:19,110 --> 00:35:21,290
Absolutely not. No moms allowed.
739
00:35:22,071 --> 00:35:25,169
I will break your face.
No-one will recognise you.
740
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:28,172
- You'll die in a ditch.
- OK, OK, OK.
741
00:35:28,203 --> 00:35:30,132
OK, my mom needs a drink.
742
00:35:30,164 --> 00:35:33,250
So back up before I back you up!
743
00:35:34,189 --> 00:35:35,262
Hop out!
744
00:35:36,305 --> 00:35:39,256
I'm so proud of you for owning your power.
745
00:35:39,287 --> 00:35:41,164
Don't escalate it.
746
00:35:41,196 --> 00:35:43,156
But, wow! Impressive.
747
00:35:43,187 --> 00:35:45,252
God, I don't know what's sadder,
748
00:35:45,283 --> 00:35:49,172
the mom perm...or the mom boobs.
749
00:35:49,297 --> 00:35:53,155
Mom perm! I gotta tell... Time-out, guys.
750
00:35:53,187 --> 00:35:55,336
God-given curls.
All I'm doing is a little...
751
00:35:56,117 --> 00:35:58,339
maybe a foam mousse,
a little spray, hot roller
752
00:35:59,121 --> 00:36:01,164
and I set it, and I forget it.
753
00:36:01,196 --> 00:36:05,168
And secondly, these allowed this one
to suckle at these teats
754
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:06,326
- for 28 wonderful...
- We're not...
755
00:36:07,108 --> 00:36:10,111
- We're not...
- ..wonderful tender months.
756
00:36:10,142 --> 00:36:13,301
- I wear them around my waist proudly.
- This isn't the time.
757
00:36:14,313 --> 00:36:16,169
I just feel like...
758
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:19,360
I don't know if it's more pathetic
to party with your mom...
759
00:36:20,142 --> 00:36:22,206
or to party with your daughter.
760
00:36:23,207 --> 00:36:26,148
(scoffs)
Come on. Let's do something cool.
761
00:36:26,179 --> 00:36:28,317
Real cool. Bye, nerds.
762
00:36:34,251 --> 00:36:37,243
OK, this was a lot of fun.
763
00:36:37,274 --> 00:36:41,299
Um, but I want you to enjoy yourselves
tonight, so I'm just gonna go.
764
00:36:41,330 --> 00:36:42,363
No, no, no.
765
00:36:43,145 --> 00:36:45,345
- We're gonna have a good time.
- I should not be here.
766
00:36:45,376 --> 00:36:48,244
This is not a party for me.
767
00:36:48,275 --> 00:36:50,194
If you go, evil wins!
768
00:36:50,225 --> 00:36:54,208
OK, you know what?
I have an idea. Let's go to the bathroom.
769
00:36:54,239 --> 00:36:56,273
- Oh, I don't have to tinkle.
- I think you do.
770
00:36:56,304 --> 00:37:00,245
I think I'd know if I had to tinkle.
Except that one time.
771
00:37:00,277 --> 00:37:03,165
All right. Let's go.
772
00:37:03,196 --> 00:37:05,188
Please tell me you're not doing
the cocaine.
773
00:37:05,219 --> 00:37:06,356
Oh, my God! No! Come on.
774
00:37:07,337 --> 00:37:11,257
No, I already told you.
I do not have to go to the bathroom.
775
00:37:11,289 --> 00:37:15,178
Mom, you're a college girl now
and we gotta make some changes.
776
00:37:15,418 --> 00:37:17,253
What does that mean?
777
00:37:17,284 --> 00:37:19,213
- Let's start with these glasses.
- No!
778
00:37:19,244 --> 00:37:21,267
- You gotta start wearing contact lenses.
- No!
779
00:37:21,299 --> 00:37:23,207
This is horrible!
780
00:37:23,238 --> 00:37:26,241
Then this, this is just...
Let's get this off.
781
00:37:26,272 --> 00:37:29,244
- Come on, Mom.
- Oh, my God! What has gotten into you?
782
00:37:29,275 --> 00:37:32,424
Don't fight it, Mom! It's like a Band-Aid.
You gotta rip it off quickly.
783
00:37:33,206 --> 00:37:35,427
- All I have on is my undershirt.
- Yeah!
784
00:37:36,314 --> 00:37:38,347
I'm gonna unbutton.
785
00:37:38,378 --> 00:37:40,349
Not one, not two...
786
00:37:40,381 --> 00:37:42,236
but three.
787
00:37:42,267 --> 00:37:44,281
Not three buttons, no!
788
00:37:44,312 --> 00:37:45,438
Look at your breasts!
789
00:37:46,220 --> 00:37:48,327
- Mom!
- What? I don't know what's happening.
790
00:37:48,358 --> 00:37:51,225
- Those are gorgeous!
- They're all right.
791
00:37:51,257 --> 00:37:54,353
Maybe how about we just do something
about that hair just a little bit?
792
00:37:54,385 --> 00:37:57,388
No! Oh, God, it's full of hair.
793
00:37:57,419 --> 00:38:00,224
Come on, it'll be fine. Let me have it.
794
00:38:00,255 --> 00:38:02,278
No! Oh, God, don't! No!
795
00:38:02,309 --> 00:38:05,375
Hey, what's up?
You're that girl in the coma, right?
796
00:38:05,406 --> 00:38:07,231
Not any more.
797
00:38:07,262 --> 00:38:10,255
- Yeah, I follow you on Twitter.
- I don't date fans.
798
00:38:11,370 --> 00:38:12,403
OK.
799
00:38:13,478 --> 00:38:15,301
So beautiful.
800
00:38:16,261 --> 00:38:17,367
Oh, God. Now I've got a bare...
801
00:38:17,398 --> 00:38:19,421
You know what I can't wear is a bare lip.
802
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:22,362
(mutters) What is that?
803
00:38:22,393 --> 00:38:24,270
It's mauve.
804
00:38:25,469 --> 00:38:28,274
- You know I love mauve.
- (chuckles)
805
00:38:31,381 --> 00:38:34,467
No, I'm not a fan, I just...
I got a lot of respect for comas.
806
00:38:35,375 --> 00:38:37,408
I like sleeping pretty long, too, I guess.
807
00:38:39,462 --> 00:38:41,349
Whoa!
808
00:38:41,381 --> 00:38:43,351
Oh, God! Are you in a coma again?
809
00:38:43,383 --> 00:38:45,385
Oh, God, I gotta get help.
810
00:38:48,388 --> 00:38:49,483
Can I look? Can I look now?
811
00:38:49,515 --> 00:38:51,433
Yes! I think you're done.
812
00:38:56,449 --> 00:38:58,419
Hey! Wow!
813
00:38:59,441 --> 00:39:02,309
My God! "What are you, 20?"
814
00:39:02,444 --> 00:39:05,291
- OK. I wouldn't go that far.
- I'm 21.
815
00:39:05,322 --> 00:39:06,375
OK.
816
00:39:06,407 --> 00:39:08,450
You know,
I used to wear my hair like this.
817
00:39:08,481 --> 00:39:10,431
Eons ago...
818
00:39:10,463 --> 00:39:13,341
when you were in here. (laughs)
819
00:39:13,372 --> 00:39:15,322
You look so beautiful, Mom.
820
00:39:15,488 --> 00:39:17,334
Wow!
821
00:39:17,365 --> 00:39:19,461
You know what? OK.
822
00:39:19,492 --> 00:39:21,422
I think you're ready, college girl.
823
00:39:22,423 --> 00:39:25,394
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, let's go. But let's leave this.
824
00:39:25,426 --> 00:39:28,335
Let's never touch...
or talk about that brush again.
825
00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:29,451
OK.
826
00:39:29,535 --> 00:39:31,464
- Thank you.
- Of course. I love you.
827
00:39:31,495 --> 00:39:33,445
I love you, too.
828
00:39:33,476 --> 00:39:34,498
Boom.
829
00:39:37,345 --> 00:39:38,471
- Hey.
- Hey!
830
00:39:40,473 --> 00:39:42,350
Get a room!
831
00:39:42,381 --> 00:39:45,447
Just kidding, don't. L-O-L. Hashtag.
832
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:48,481
- Hey, Ms Miles.
- Hi, how are you?
833
00:39:48,512 --> 00:39:50,420
Good. You guys both look amazing!
834
00:39:50,452 --> 00:39:52,422
- Thank you.
- Charmer.
835
00:39:52,454 --> 00:39:54,476
I heard you're back at school now,
which is awesome.
836
00:39:54,508 --> 00:39:56,478
- It is.
- You get to party with all of us.
837
00:39:56,510 --> 00:39:57,563
Uh, well...
838
00:39:58,345 --> 00:40:01,473
How about a drink or something?
Let me introduce you to my friend Jack.
839
00:40:01,504 --> 00:40:02,579
Hi, I'm Jack.
840
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:04,560
Deanna. Hi.
841
00:40:05,540 --> 00:40:07,386
Wow, that's...
842
00:40:07,417 --> 00:40:10,379
You have wonderfully intricate hair.
843
00:40:11,442 --> 00:40:13,382
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
844
00:40:13,538 --> 00:40:15,530
Well, can I get you something to drink?
845
00:40:15,561 --> 00:40:20,545
Oh... OK. I would love a Chardonnay,
maybe something oaky.
846
00:40:21,515 --> 00:40:23,371
Um...
847
00:40:24,372 --> 00:40:25,540
Did you pick up the Chardonnay?
848
00:40:25,571 --> 00:40:30,388
- We have some boxed wine.
- We have some boxed wine.
849
00:40:30,420 --> 00:40:31,566
- In a box?
- I don't know.
850
00:40:31,598 --> 00:40:33,506
I'm sure it tastes real cardboardy.
851
00:40:33,537 --> 00:40:35,624
I'm sure it tastes very cardboardy!
852
00:40:36,405 --> 00:40:39,628
Really, it comes in a plastic bladder,
so it's not touching the cardboard.
853
00:40:40,409 --> 00:40:42,631
I told him we should not get anything
that comes in a bladder.
854
00:40:43,413 --> 00:40:46,426
- I'm the only one who likes wine.
- Oh, I love wine!
855
00:40:46,457 --> 00:40:48,574
But I don't like drinking it
out of bladders.
856
00:40:49,450 --> 00:40:50,586
- I don't blame you.
- (laughs)
857
00:40:51,515 --> 00:40:53,485
She'll just have a shot and a beer,
please.
858
00:40:53,517 --> 00:40:54,538
- Perfect.
- There we go.
859
00:40:54,570 --> 00:40:58,615
Why not? I'm here to get
the full college experience.
860
00:40:58,647 --> 00:41:01,650
So...what is the spirit du jour?
861
00:41:02,432 --> 00:41:04,590
This is 100 per cent agave tequila.
862
00:41:04,621 --> 00:41:08,490
Agave! I use that when I bake muffins.
863
00:41:08,521 --> 00:41:09,553
- OK.
- She loves to bake.
864
00:41:09,585 --> 00:41:11,503
- I do.
- All right, let's do it.
865
00:41:12,546 --> 00:41:15,665
- What do we want?
- Full velocity!
866
00:41:16,446 --> 00:41:18,553
And equal work for equal pay.
867
00:41:21,525 --> 00:41:23,464
Oh, God. (coughs and splutters)
868
00:41:23,495 --> 00:41:25,633
- Oh, God.
- That is aggressive.
869
00:41:26,634 --> 00:41:28,553
That's just burning.
870
00:41:28,584 --> 00:41:30,659
It's burning all the way down.
871
00:41:31,441 --> 00:41:33,526
Just follow my lead
and we'll do this again, OK?
872
00:41:33,558 --> 00:41:36,540
- We'll try it again.
- (Maddie chuckles)
873
00:41:37,562 --> 00:41:39,584
All right. What do we want?
874
00:41:39,616 --> 00:41:41,691
Full velocity!
875
00:41:42,473 --> 00:41:46,697
Oh, and cleaner oceans.
Our coral reefs are dying, guys.
876
00:41:47,613 --> 00:41:50,522
No, er...Ms Miles...
877
00:41:53,693 --> 00:41:59,564
Look, Ms Miles, coral reefs and equal
work for equal pay, all great things.
878
00:41:59,595 --> 00:42:00,711
But at our parties...
879
00:42:01,493 --> 00:42:05,705
when somebody says "What do we want?"
we just say "Full velocity."
880
00:42:06,487 --> 00:42:07,676
You don't need to say anything else.
881
00:42:07,707 --> 00:42:09,574
It's more of a party tradition.
882
00:42:09,605 --> 00:42:13,505
OK. So, it's just a flat answer of full...
883
00:42:13,724 --> 00:42:16,487
- Velocity.
- Velocity.
884
00:42:16,518 --> 00:42:18,593
- OK.
- You ready?
885
00:42:18,624 --> 00:42:20,491
Well...
886
00:42:20,522 --> 00:42:21,679
Third time's the charm, right?
887
00:42:21,711 --> 00:42:25,579
- What do we want?
- Full velocity!
888
00:42:25,611 --> 00:42:30,512
And full maternity leave
for non-gender-specific working parents.
889
00:42:32,566 --> 00:42:34,537
And full velocity!
890
00:42:34,568 --> 00:42:36,570
(whooping and cheering)
891
00:42:37,707 --> 00:42:39,709
♪ FERGIE:
M.I.L.F. $
892
00:42:46,758 --> 00:42:48,614
Where's my mom?
893
00:42:48,645 --> 00:42:51,554
Oh, she's over there busting it out.
894
00:42:54,557 --> 00:42:55,610
Hi, honey!
895
00:42:55,642 --> 00:42:57,612
Hi!
896
00:42:58,707 --> 00:43:01,649
Ohh! I feel that in my C-section scar!
897
00:43:02,586 --> 00:43:03,734
- Are you OK?
- Ooh, yeah!
898
00:43:03,765 --> 00:43:05,767
♪ Let me see you MILF shake
899
00:43:06,747 --> 00:43:08,749
♪ Let me see you MILF shake
900
00:43:10,616 --> 00:43:12,597
♪ ED SHEERAN:
Thinking Out Loud
901
00:43:12,628 --> 00:43:15,663
♪ Your soul could never grow old
902
00:43:15,694 --> 00:43:17,696
♪ It's evergreen
903
00:43:18,770 --> 00:43:22,565
It's not over. It's full velocity!
Let's go! Come on, guys!
904
00:43:22,597 --> 00:43:25,558
♪ Baby, your smile's
905
00:43:25,589 --> 00:43:29,656
♪ Forever in my mind and memory...
906
00:43:35,736 --> 00:43:38,581
(whispers): Oh... Oh, my God!
907
00:43:38,676 --> 00:43:39,781
Oh, my God! Mom!
908
00:43:41,700 --> 00:43:43,733
OK, OK, OK.
You don't have to make a big deal.
909
00:43:43,764 --> 00:43:46,747
Don't jump to conclusions.
You don't know what's happening here.
910
00:43:46,778 --> 00:43:50,782
Really? It looks like my mother is doing
the walk of shame out of a frat house.
911
00:43:52,607 --> 00:43:55,766
OK, I guess technically that's...
what's happening. Let's just go.
912
00:43:55,797 --> 00:43:57,778
Let's get out of here. Oh, my God!
913
00:43:58,759 --> 00:44:00,802
I don't think you've gotta rub it in. Oh!
914
00:44:00,834 --> 00:44:03,618
Fella, close your robe.
915
00:44:03,649 --> 00:44:05,641
Can we please just get out of here?
916
00:44:05,672 --> 00:44:06,840
Aren't they gonna serve breakfast?
917
00:44:07,622 --> 00:44:09,844
No, they're not gonna serve breakfast.
This isn't the Hilton.
918
00:44:10,625 --> 00:44:13,659
I knew that. But I thought maybe
they'll have a bagel spread or something.
919
00:44:13,690 --> 00:44:14,755
MADDIE:
My God!
920
00:44:15,619 --> 00:44:18,800
Oh, my God!
My foot keeps charley horsing.
921
00:44:18,832 --> 00:44:21,710
I'm telling you,
I can't even get my boots back on.
922
00:44:21,741 --> 00:44:24,827
I guess that's what I get
for getting my toes curled last night.
923
00:44:24,859 --> 00:44:26,829
And I mean cu-urled.
924
00:44:26,861 --> 00:44:28,727
Mom, please stop!
925
00:44:28,758 --> 00:44:32,867
I think it was mutually enjoyable...
for both parties.
926
00:44:33,649 --> 00:44:34,858
I mean, I had fun.
927
00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:38,737
He enjoyed himself.
He kept yelling, "Please, more!"
928
00:44:38,768 --> 00:44:41,876
I thought he was doing a scene
from Oliver! "Please, more."
929
00:44:42,658 --> 00:44:44,743
I heard that through the wall
930
00:44:44,774 --> 00:44:46,809
and I thought he was
saying, "Cheese store."
931
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:48,726
And I was very confused.
932
00:44:48,759 --> 00:44:51,751
One time we were playing
kind of a cheesemonger
933
00:44:51,782 --> 00:44:53,722
and I was a poor peasant girl but...
934
00:44:53,753 --> 00:44:54,890
That's disgusting, Mom.
935
00:44:55,672 --> 00:44:57,715
- No! It was fun.
- Mom!
936
00:44:57,747 --> 00:44:58,758
And I love cheese.
937
00:44:58,789 --> 00:45:00,708
I love you so much.
938
00:45:00,739 --> 00:45:03,826
Have I asked you once about any of this?
No. You just keep blabbing.
939
00:45:03,857 --> 00:45:07,684
I'm asking you to please be quiet
and stop talking.
940
00:45:07,715 --> 00:45:10,801
OK. I think we should keep
communication lines open.
941
00:45:11,667 --> 00:45:13,752
You know what? I'm older, I'm wiser.
I...
942
00:45:13,909 --> 00:45:16,755
This, essentially a Google.
943
00:45:17,725 --> 00:45:20,759
Right down here, where you came from.
944
00:45:20,791 --> 00:45:22,751
I'm like the Google of vaginas.
945
00:45:22,782 --> 00:45:24,837
(in robotic voice):
"Ask me anything, please."
946
00:45:24,868 --> 00:45:26,682
Turn off your vagoogle.
947
00:45:26,714 --> 00:45:28,706
- It can't be turned off.
- OK, I don't like it.
948
00:45:28,737 --> 00:45:31,928
You're scaring me...
and you're scaring everyone around you.
949
00:45:32,710 --> 00:45:35,848
I think... I think my vagoogle
scared Jack last night.
950
00:45:35,879 --> 00:45:37,913
- Oh, my God!
- But in a good way.
951
00:45:38,695 --> 00:45:40,874
Like when you intentionally
go through a haunted house.
952
00:45:40,905 --> 00:45:42,782
Eww!
953
00:45:42,814 --> 00:45:43,898
Not saying...
954
00:45:44,826 --> 00:45:45,942
You know what I mean.
955
00:45:46,724 --> 00:45:48,872
Please, I just don't wanna
talk about your vagoogle.
956
00:45:55,932 --> 00:46:00,759
All right.
I've got a little pop quiz for you here.
957
00:46:00,791 --> 00:46:03,950
But don't worry, I promise to grade it
pharaoh and squaraoh.
958
00:46:04,732 --> 00:46:06,734
(Deanna chuckles)
959
00:46:08,809 --> 00:46:13,939
Hey, I've got to tell you,
your work so far is impeccable.
960
00:46:13,971 --> 00:46:15,973
This department is lucky to have you back.
961
00:46:16,755 --> 00:46:20,821
Oh, my gosh. Wayne, thank you so much.
You know, it's still my passion.
962
00:46:20,853 --> 00:46:23,793
I guess once a dighead,
always a dighead, huh?
963
00:46:23,824 --> 00:46:26,775
- Yes, you certainly are.
- Guess that makes me a dighead, too.
964
00:46:26,806 --> 00:46:29,768
OK, my advice to you
is to crack a book, all right?
965
00:46:29,799 --> 00:46:32,917
You are failing this class
in spectacular fashion.
966
00:46:35,869 --> 00:46:37,964
And I would love to see you
on a dig one day.
967
00:46:37,996 --> 00:46:41,770
That makes two of us
wanting to see me on a dig.
968
00:46:41,802 --> 00:46:43,960
That's...
Thank you. It's a lovely sediment.
969
00:46:43,991 --> 00:46:45,931
(both chuckle)
970
00:46:45,962 --> 00:46:48,829
No. I did not. I did it, though.
971
00:46:48,861 --> 00:46:49,987
(laughs)
972
00:46:50,769 --> 00:46:52,865
You're gonna make me become
Stone-unhinged.
973
00:46:52,896 --> 00:46:55,930
(both laugh)
974
00:46:56,858 --> 00:46:58,881
No, you get out!
975
00:46:58,912 --> 00:47:01,957
Anyway, I can't wait to see
your mid-term presentation.
976
00:47:01,988 --> 00:47:03,938
I'm pretty excited for you to read it.
977
00:47:03,969 --> 00:47:06,806
No, no. It's an oral presentation.
978
00:47:06,837 --> 00:47:08,808
It's a... What is it?
979
00:47:08,839 --> 00:47:11,999
Instead of with your hands, you present
your work with your mouth and tongue.
980
00:47:13,824 --> 00:47:15,857
OK. You're gonna be great.
981
00:47:15,889 --> 00:47:17,828
Just keep up the good work. OK.
982
00:47:21,863 --> 00:47:22,927
What's the matter?
983
00:47:22,958 --> 00:47:26,931
I'm just not fond of speaking in public.
984
00:47:27,828 --> 00:47:32,854
OK, let's get started on those quizzes.
You have 15 minutes, so do not dally.
985
00:47:39,881 --> 00:47:40,966
Dee Dee.
986
00:47:40,997 --> 00:47:43,917
- Hey, Jack.
- Hey! I um...
987
00:47:43,948 --> 00:47:48,828
I saw Maddie and she said that
you were gonna be in here studying.
988
00:47:48,860 --> 00:47:50,038
So, I got you a coffee.
989
00:47:50,070 --> 00:47:52,906
Thank you, Jack. That's so nice of you.
990
00:47:52,937 --> 00:47:54,897
I couldn't find any Chardonnay, so...
991
00:47:54,929 --> 00:47:57,035
(laughs) It's probably for the best.
992
00:47:58,046 --> 00:48:01,070
Hey, have you, uh...
been getting my texts?
993
00:48:02,009 --> 00:48:03,875
Oh, um...
994
00:48:03,906 --> 00:48:05,043
You know what? I usually...
995
00:48:05,074 --> 00:48:08,025
I turn off my little chimey alert.
996
00:48:08,056 --> 00:48:11,956
Yeah. You gotta be quiet in the library,
right? (chuckles)
997
00:48:11,987 --> 00:48:13,061
Oh.
998
00:48:13,989 --> 00:48:15,877
Wow, that's...
999
00:48:15,991 --> 00:48:17,941
That's a lot of texts, Jack.
1000
00:48:17,973 --> 00:48:20,934
- Now that I'm here...
- Yeah.
1001
00:48:20,965 --> 00:48:22,905
Yeah, I can just tell you.
1002
00:48:23,959 --> 00:48:25,898
I um...
1003
00:48:25,929 --> 00:48:28,025
I kind of can't stop thinking about you.
1004
00:48:29,933 --> 00:48:31,059
Jack, that is so sweet.
1005
00:48:31,967 --> 00:48:34,031
You wanna know
what I can't stop thinking about?
1006
00:48:34,062 --> 00:48:37,034
Us. Me and you, we leave this school.
1007
00:48:37,065 --> 00:48:40,048
We can go backpacking across Europe.
1008
00:48:40,079 --> 00:48:42,008
Me and you - Eat Pray Love style.
1009
00:48:42,039 --> 00:48:46,116
I-I can...
I can bartend, we'll make it work...
1010
00:48:46,898 --> 00:48:47,951
Jack.
1011
00:48:48,900 --> 00:48:51,893
Years ago,
somebody asking me to do that with them
1012
00:48:51,924 --> 00:48:54,010
would have been an absolute dream.
1013
00:48:54,041 --> 00:48:57,128
But I can't travel with a backpack
any more.
1014
00:48:58,129 --> 00:49:00,913
I need luggage with wheels.
1015
00:49:00,945 --> 00:49:02,008
I mean, I...
1016
00:49:02,039 --> 00:49:04,125
Even my carry-on has wheels, Jack.
1017
00:49:05,094 --> 00:49:08,045
My hips can't really sustain a backpack.
1018
00:49:08,077 --> 00:49:11,090
They're never the same after a childbirth,
you know, but...
1019
00:49:11,945 --> 00:49:14,938
But it's such a wonderful offer
1020
00:49:14,969 --> 00:49:16,981
and you're such a terrific guy but...
1021
00:49:18,035 --> 00:49:20,068
I think what we had the other night
1022
00:49:20,099 --> 00:49:24,134
was really kind of
a one-time special thing.
1023
00:49:33,113 --> 00:49:35,063
Uh-oh! (laughs)
1024
00:49:36,054 --> 00:49:37,044
(Deanna laughs)
1025
00:49:37,075 --> 00:49:39,995
JACK: That was amazing!
DEANNA: That was so nice.
1026
00:49:41,027 --> 00:49:42,164
Oh, my God!
1027
00:49:44,009 --> 00:49:45,167
Oh, my God!
1028
00:49:45,949 --> 00:49:47,075
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God.
1029
00:49:47,106 --> 00:49:49,108
You are my sexual Dumbledore.
1030
00:49:49,139 --> 00:49:51,141
- I mean...
- What does that mean?
1031
00:49:51,173 --> 00:49:54,030
Dumbledore, he's from Harry Potter.
1032
00:49:54,061 --> 00:49:57,075
You know, Harry Potter's, like, mentor...
1033
00:49:57,106 --> 00:49:59,191
he's got the beard, and he's got the hat.
1034
00:49:59,973 --> 00:50:02,997
- Dumbledore.
- I'm gonna stop you right there.
1035
00:50:05,103 --> 00:50:07,064
Um...this is just...
1036
00:50:07,095 --> 00:50:09,088
This will ride you through life.
1037
00:50:09,119 --> 00:50:13,154
I don't think ever there's a woman
that's gonna want you to say
1038
00:50:13,185 --> 00:50:15,146
that during a sexual encounter
1039
00:50:15,177 --> 00:50:19,984
you're thinking of her
as an old, grey, grizzled wizard.
1040
00:50:20,015 --> 00:50:21,141
Aww!
1041
00:50:21,172 --> 00:50:23,060
- Yeah.
- Aww! Um...
1042
00:50:23,091 --> 00:50:26,125
- OK. I'm sorry.
- So good up until...
1043
00:50:26,157 --> 00:50:29,180
until you called me
an old, grey, male wizard.
1044
00:50:29,212 --> 00:50:31,047
Wizard talk's gone.
1045
00:50:31,078 --> 00:50:33,007
- Well...
- All right.
1046
00:50:33,237 --> 00:50:35,207
OK, well, um...
1047
00:50:36,177 --> 00:50:38,242
- I'd better...
- See you later?
1048
00:50:39,024 --> 00:50:41,235
No, no, no.
That was the last...
1049
00:50:42,016 --> 00:50:44,029
That was the last time...
1050
00:50:44,060 --> 00:50:46,115
- You said that earlier.
- I know.
1051
00:50:46,146 --> 00:50:51,151
I know, but your wrist got involved
and I got distracted, so...
1052
00:50:52,163 --> 00:50:54,029
Last time. OK.
1053
00:50:55,103 --> 00:50:57,178
OK, that's it. And we're done.
1054
00:50:57,209 --> 00:50:59,211
It's a clean... clean break.
1055
00:51:00,233 --> 00:51:02,246
You know what? Just a finale.
1056
00:51:06,177 --> 00:51:08,085
OK. I'll text you.
1057
00:51:10,212 --> 00:51:12,204
OK, I'll miss that. I'll miss that.
1058
00:51:12,235 --> 00:51:15,155
OK. You go that way. I'll go this way.
1059
00:51:16,145 --> 00:51:17,262
Damn it, man.
1060
00:51:20,181 --> 00:51:22,057
Oh, my God!
1061
00:51:22,090 --> 00:51:23,101
Ohh!
1062
00:51:23,132 --> 00:51:24,175
Come on, come on, come on.
1063
00:51:24,206 --> 00:51:25,270
- (phone rings)
- Hello?
1064
00:51:26,052 --> 00:51:27,147
What are you doing?
1065
00:51:27,178 --> 00:51:30,139
I think my forks have oxidised.
1066
00:51:30,171 --> 00:51:32,131
I'm just... I'm trying to get it off.
1067
00:51:32,162 --> 00:51:34,237
- What are you doing?
- I just had sex in the library.
1068
00:51:34,268 --> 00:51:37,105
- What?
- I just had sex in the library.
1069
00:51:37,136 --> 00:51:38,220
You had what?
1070
00:51:39,075 --> 00:51:41,067
I... I just had sex in the library.
1071
00:51:41,098 --> 00:51:44,091
You had sex in a library?
1072
00:51:44,122 --> 00:51:45,258
- Frank!
- No, don't tell Frank.
1073
00:51:45,290 --> 00:51:48,282
- Deanna just had sex in a public place.
- What? Where?
1074
00:51:48,314 --> 00:51:51,223
- In the stacks!
- In her slacks?
1075
00:51:51,254 --> 00:51:53,320
- No. Shut up, Frank.
- (text alert on Deanna's phone)
1076
00:51:54,101 --> 00:51:55,311
Hang on for one second.
1077
00:51:59,138 --> 00:52:01,275
You know what? I have to go.
I'll call you later.
1078
00:52:03,309 --> 00:52:05,248
Can you believe this, Frank?
1079
00:52:05,279 --> 00:52:07,188
Good for Deanna.
1080
00:52:08,147 --> 00:52:09,273
Oh, Frank?
1081
00:52:09,304 --> 00:52:11,160
Hm?
1082
00:52:13,215 --> 00:52:15,321
Why don't we ever have sex in public?
1083
00:52:16,218 --> 00:52:18,324
Because, honey,
last time you blew your knee out
1084
00:52:19,106 --> 00:52:21,275
and I had to carry you out of Six Flags.
1085
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:24,153
Oh...
1086
00:52:25,133 --> 00:52:27,166
But I do like those fuzzy socks.
1087
00:52:27,197 --> 00:52:29,210
Oh, Frank. (chuckles)
1088
00:52:31,201 --> 00:52:33,308
Thanks for coming, Mom.
Debbie's really freaking out.
1089
00:52:33,339 --> 00:52:36,280
It sounded serious.
I'm gonna make my lasagne.
1090
00:52:38,344 --> 00:52:39,450
OK...
1091
00:52:40,367 --> 00:52:42,234
Hey, Debbie.
1092
00:52:42,265 --> 00:52:45,247
Do you think you're ready to maybe
start talking about it now?
1093
00:52:45,278 --> 00:52:47,343
She went to a job fair
and now she's all freaked out.
1094
00:52:48,240 --> 00:52:51,243
I thought fairs were supposed to be fun.
This one wasn't fun at all.
1095
00:52:51,274 --> 00:52:53,464
I don't even know
what I really wanna do with my life.
1096
00:52:54,246 --> 00:52:56,446
- Why did I study kinesiology?
- That's uh...
1097
00:52:57,228 --> 00:52:59,460
I mean, that's basically
like physical therapy, right?
1098
00:53:00,241 --> 00:53:01,400
Kind of, but not as useful.
1099
00:53:01,431 --> 00:53:03,475
It's the theoretical study
of human movement.
1100
00:53:04,392 --> 00:53:06,321
OK. Wow.
1101
00:53:06,353 --> 00:53:10,304
I can see that does feel slightly limited
1102
00:53:10,336 --> 00:53:13,370
in employment opportunities.
1103
00:53:14,267 --> 00:53:18,354
I took out $45,000 in student loans
and what am I ready for? Nothing.
1104
00:53:18,385 --> 00:53:22,275
OK, come on. You can't make
such a big deal out of everything.
1105
00:53:22,306 --> 00:53:24,391
Ladies, you gotta have a little faith
in yourselves.
1106
00:53:24,423 --> 00:53:29,376
I spent 20 years just giving it all away.
I worried about what other people thought.
1107
00:53:29,407 --> 00:53:32,358
I worried about what they thought
I should be doing. Never what I thought.
1108
00:53:32,389 --> 00:53:35,277
Look at me now.
I'm living in a dorm with a roommate
1109
00:53:35,309 --> 00:53:37,279
that I'm pretty sure watches me
while I sleep.
1110
00:53:37,311 --> 00:53:39,480
I got the clothes on my back.
I got nothing.
1111
00:53:39,512 --> 00:53:42,348
The last 20 years of my life
have been a real shit show.
1112
00:53:42,379 --> 00:53:43,453
Thank you.
1113
00:53:44,350 --> 00:53:46,310
Not meaning you... I mean...
1114
00:53:46,341 --> 00:53:48,354
You know... You know what I mean.
I just...
1115
00:53:48,385 --> 00:53:49,469
Give me those fingers.
1116
00:53:49,501 --> 00:53:53,296
Every single little thing about you
is a dream.
1117
00:53:53,328 --> 00:53:54,454
I wouldn't change any of that.
1118
00:53:54,485 --> 00:53:57,425
The rest, I would like to
rewind that clock
1119
00:53:57,457 --> 00:54:01,492
and 20 years ago start speaking up
for myself, so that's my point.
1120
00:54:01,523 --> 00:54:04,339
You gals are terrific.
You're not quitters.
1121
00:54:04,370 --> 00:54:06,424
I'm afraid I'm never gonna be
in a real relationship.
1122
00:54:06,455 --> 00:54:08,343
Amanda! Come on!
1123
00:54:08,374 --> 00:54:10,480
- Come on!
- I'm so sorry.
1124
00:54:10,511 --> 00:54:14,548
Honey, if you can't use what the good Lord
made you and make that work,
1125
00:54:15,329 --> 00:54:17,446
then what the hell hope do any of us have?
1126
00:54:17,478 --> 00:54:20,481
- None.
- You're all amazing. I mean, look at you.
1127
00:54:20,512 --> 00:54:24,328
You're all lovely here
and you're smart and you're wonderful
1128
00:54:24,360 --> 00:54:26,560
and you're weird, in the best, best way.
1129
00:54:27,342 --> 00:54:28,509
I just... I mean, if you look...
1130
00:54:28,541 --> 00:54:30,522
My God! Look at Carol's legs.
1131
00:54:30,553 --> 00:54:32,378
Legs for days.
1132
00:54:32,409 --> 00:54:33,483
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
1133
00:54:33,514 --> 00:54:35,496
Just enjoy 'em, for God's sakes.
1134
00:54:35,527 --> 00:54:39,333
Just... We all have to realise
everybody's great, right?
1135
00:54:39,364 --> 00:54:40,563
And this is good. OK?
1136
00:54:41,345 --> 00:54:43,452
And this is good, and this is good,
and these are good.
1137
00:54:43,483 --> 00:54:46,392
- And this is... My God!
- Mom, do not touch Amanda's butt!
1138
00:54:46,423 --> 00:54:47,561
You know what it makes me think of?
1139
00:54:48,457 --> 00:54:50,501
It's like a three-day-old loaf of bread.
1140
00:54:50,532 --> 00:54:53,463
It's firmer, but it's kept
its original shape.
1141
00:54:53,494 --> 00:54:56,549
Now, I... I think I've just been
looser structurally.
1142
00:54:56,580 --> 00:55:00,365
Oh, you know, I could explain to you
the differences in your bodies.
1143
00:55:00,397 --> 00:55:01,564
But only as it pertains to movement.
1144
00:55:01,596 --> 00:55:05,381
Look what's happening right now.
Look what's happening right...
1145
00:55:05,412 --> 00:55:06,559
- You're using your degree.
- (text alert)
1146
00:55:06,590 --> 00:55:09,426
- You're doing it!
- I am.
1147
00:55:09,458 --> 00:55:12,534
You guys, there's a party tonight
at Deltas and it's '80s themed.
1148
00:55:12,565 --> 00:55:15,495
So, ladies, time to crush a party.
1149
00:55:15,526 --> 00:55:17,591
Oh, I brought my dress-up trunk.
1150
00:55:18,373 --> 00:55:20,479
♪ CYNDI LAUPER:
Girls Just Want To Have Fun
1151
00:55:26,465 --> 00:55:29,395
♪ I come home in the morning light
1152
00:55:29,427 --> 00:55:33,576
♪ My mother says when you gonnalive your life right?
1153
00:55:34,411 --> 00:55:37,435
♪ Oh, mother dear...
- I told you we should have done Dynasty.
1154
00:55:37,466 --> 00:55:39,582
Why do they all look so good?
1155
00:55:39,614 --> 00:55:42,440
- Welcome to the '80s!
- Thank you.
1156
00:55:42,471 --> 00:55:44,431
Hey! Theta Gammas!
1157
00:55:44,462 --> 00:55:47,590
Hi, there! Oh, well,
I'm not officially a member.
1158
00:55:47,622 --> 00:55:49,624
I'm a little too young to join a sorority.
1159
00:55:50,406 --> 00:55:51,584
(laughs)
1160
00:55:51,615 --> 00:55:53,544
- No!
- (chuckles)
1161
00:55:54,420 --> 00:55:55,619
- Don't drink that.
- Oh.
1162
00:55:55,651 --> 00:55:58,644
This is a 2017 Italian Chardonnay.
1163
00:55:59,425 --> 00:56:01,512
- Jack...
- Yeah, it's truly one of a kind.
1164
00:56:01,543 --> 00:56:03,482
Very oaky, very buttery.
1165
00:56:03,514 --> 00:56:05,599
Because it was a hot and dry fall
this year in Italy.
1166
00:56:05,630 --> 00:56:08,612
So, the grapes are very, very succulent.
1167
00:56:08,644 --> 00:56:12,544
Well, far be from me
to turn down a succulent grape.
1168
00:56:12,575 --> 00:56:15,484
You're being really weird
with the grape descriptions.
1169
00:56:15,515 --> 00:56:17,611
It's lovely. It really is.
1170
00:56:17,642 --> 00:56:19,446
Hey, Grandma.
1171
00:56:20,447 --> 00:56:23,534
Hey, Jack, could you help me
track down a drink?
1172
00:56:24,618 --> 00:56:27,454
OK, Jennifer, there's a keg out back.
1173
00:56:27,486 --> 00:56:29,477
There's also boxed wine.
1174
00:56:29,633 --> 00:56:32,605
You know what? I think we're gonna go
take a little spin around,
1175
00:56:32,636 --> 00:56:34,576
try to figure out who shot JR.
1176
00:56:35,609 --> 00:56:36,683
Someone was shot?
1177
00:56:37,464 --> 00:56:40,458
No. No! God, no, it's from Dallas.
1178
00:56:40,489 --> 00:56:41,636
It's a television programme.
1179
00:56:41,667 --> 00:56:44,462
OK, I'll explain it.
1180
00:56:45,598 --> 00:56:49,498
Hey, if there's anything else
I can get for you...
1181
00:56:49,529 --> 00:56:51,511
Seriously, anything. More wine...
1182
00:56:51,542 --> 00:56:54,576
Anything, honestly,
just, just... just let me know.
1183
00:56:54,607 --> 00:56:55,660
OK, thanks, Jack.
1184
00:56:57,527 --> 00:56:59,633
I love what's left of your top.
1185
00:57:00,561 --> 00:57:01,677
Ha!
1186
00:57:03,668 --> 00:57:05,535
So, what's your deal, man?
1187
00:57:05,566 --> 00:57:07,558
I don't know.
1188
00:57:07,683 --> 00:57:10,603
She makes me so nervous. Can you tell?
1189
00:57:11,551 --> 00:57:12,658
Yeah.
1190
00:57:16,526 --> 00:57:18,737
♪ BILLY OCEAN:
Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car
1191
00:57:20,666 --> 00:57:21,740
♪ Get into my...
1192
00:57:22,522 --> 00:57:24,545
(scratching)
1193
00:57:25,619 --> 00:57:26,724
I know this one.
1194
00:57:27,506 --> 00:57:28,674
- No, Mom.
- I know this one.
1195
00:57:28,705 --> 00:57:30,696
- Uh-oh.
- Get it!
1196
00:57:30,728 --> 00:57:33,606
♪ THE SUGARHILL GANG:
Apache
1197
00:57:40,759 --> 00:57:42,688
- Your mom can dance?
- I guess so.
1198
00:57:43,595 --> 00:57:47,526
♪ Tonto, jump on it,jump on it, jump on it
1199
00:57:51,604 --> 00:57:55,587
♪ Kemosabe, jump on it,jump on it, jump on it
1200
00:57:55,618 --> 00:57:56,734
Whoo!
1201
00:58:00,582 --> 00:58:03,741
♪ Custer, jump on it,jump on it, jump on it
1202
00:58:08,673 --> 00:58:11,624
♪ Apache, jump on it, jump on it
1203
00:58:11,655 --> 00:58:13,657
(cheering)
1204
00:58:14,679 --> 00:58:15,795
♪ A-hunga-hunga-hunga-hunga
1205
00:58:16,577 --> 00:58:17,651
It's a car!
1206
00:58:17,682 --> 00:58:20,602
Yeah, I can see that. Yes, Mom!
1207
00:58:20,633 --> 00:58:21,718
What a woman!
1208
00:58:21,749 --> 00:58:24,680
- You're doing so well!
- I'm so hot.
1209
00:58:24,711 --> 00:58:26,619
You know so many moves!
1210
00:58:26,786 --> 00:58:28,777
Get back in there. Go get her!
1211
00:58:29,643 --> 00:58:30,779
♪ Jump on it
1212
00:58:32,625 --> 00:58:33,761
- Oh!
- Boo!
1213
00:58:33,793 --> 00:58:35,586
I got hair hit.
1214
00:58:35,659 --> 00:58:37,630
♪ Jump on it, jump on it
1215
00:58:40,821 --> 00:58:43,594
(cheering)
1216
00:58:44,804 --> 00:58:46,681
- I'm good!
- (cheering)
1217
00:58:51,717 --> 00:58:52,822
I'm so happy you're here.
1218
00:58:53,604 --> 00:58:54,741
I am too, honey!
1219
00:58:56,785 --> 00:58:58,599
OK.
1220
00:59:02,666 --> 00:59:05,669
Hi! You need some friends
and some vitamin D.
1221
00:59:05,701 --> 00:59:07,807
OK, pal. Sunscreen's on my desk.
1222
00:59:09,663 --> 00:59:11,790
Thank you, best friend.
1223
00:59:12,801 --> 00:59:13,844
Come on, girls!
1224
00:59:14,731 --> 00:59:16,639
This is our moment!
1225
00:59:18,662 --> 00:59:19,798
Oh!
1226
00:59:19,829 --> 00:59:21,675
- Hi, Deanna!
- Hi, guys!
1227
00:59:21,706 --> 00:59:23,771
Rebecca, I'll see you in lab.
1228
00:59:23,802 --> 00:59:25,689
- There she is.
- Hey!
1229
00:59:25,856 --> 00:59:27,796
Whoo!
1230
00:59:27,827 --> 00:59:29,693
No legs!
1231
00:59:37,765 --> 00:59:39,757
(cheering)
1232
00:59:39,788 --> 00:59:41,644
Yes!
1233
00:59:44,709 --> 00:59:45,835
Hey, Dee!
1234
00:59:46,857 --> 00:59:48,734
Have a good day.
1235
00:59:49,652 --> 00:59:51,675
Bye, Jack. (giggles)
1236
00:59:59,787 --> 01:00:01,664
Ssh. Be careful.
1237
01:00:01,695 --> 01:00:02,811
I can't see out of my holes!
1238
01:00:02,842 --> 01:00:04,802
Guys, why did I have to do this?
1239
01:00:04,834 --> 01:00:06,846
Just hold her up,
so we can get her head in there.
1240
01:00:06,878 --> 01:00:08,912
(shrieks)
1241
01:00:09,693 --> 01:00:11,883
- Oh, my God!
- Aw, kidnapping?
1242
01:00:11,915 --> 01:00:13,844
- No! Leonor!
- Come on.
1243
01:00:13,875 --> 01:00:14,918
No!
1244
01:00:17,806 --> 01:00:18,859
Hello?
1245
01:00:19,777 --> 01:00:21,800
Is there... Oh.
1246
01:00:23,708 --> 01:00:26,700
(distorted voice): Deanna Miles,welcome to your trial by fire.
1247
01:00:26,857 --> 01:00:30,694
What is that device
that's making your voice so strange?
1248
01:00:30,725 --> 01:00:31,830
It's a voice modulator!
1249
01:00:31,862 --> 01:00:33,759
Everybody, take off your masks.
1250
01:00:35,918 --> 01:00:38,764
Oh, my face got so hot under there.
1251
01:00:38,796 --> 01:00:41,747
Oh, God, Debbie,
what's wrong with your face?
1252
01:00:41,778 --> 01:00:42,936
Oh, I'm allergic to latex.
1253
01:00:43,717 --> 01:00:44,938
Then why would you put the mask on?
1254
01:00:45,719 --> 01:00:47,889
- I just wanted to be a team player.
- Oh...
1255
01:00:48,775 --> 01:00:53,718
Deanna Miles, are you ready to become
an honorary member of Theta Mu Gamma?
1256
01:00:54,948 --> 01:00:57,868
Really? Is that what this is about?
1257
01:00:57,899 --> 01:00:59,849
Wow, ladies! I mean, as long as it's...
1258
01:00:59,880 --> 01:01:01,809
Is that OK with Maddie?
1259
01:01:01,841 --> 01:01:03,801
(whispers): It was my idea, Mom.
1260
01:01:05,772 --> 01:01:07,857
Maddie Miles, please untie your mother.
1261
01:01:08,733 --> 01:01:10,797
Am I supposed to act scared
or anything or can I...
1262
01:01:10,829 --> 01:01:11,861
- No.
- OK.
1263
01:01:11,892 --> 01:01:12,935
- Just be yourself.
- OK.
1264
01:01:12,966 --> 01:01:14,801
Thank you, honey.
1265
01:01:15,907 --> 01:01:18,868
Linda, please bring forth the candle.
1266
01:01:18,900 --> 01:01:20,745
Where's Linda?
1267
01:01:20,776 --> 01:01:21,841
Oh.
1268
01:01:21,872 --> 01:01:24,812
- Welcome.
- Thank you, Linda.
1269
01:01:24,844 --> 01:01:28,921
Now you will be presented
with the sacred paddle.
1270
01:01:28,952 --> 01:01:31,809
Welcome, Dee Rock.
1271
01:01:32,810 --> 01:01:33,967
Carol, oh, my...your brushwork
1272
01:01:33,999 --> 01:01:36,804
is absolutely lovely.
1273
01:01:36,835 --> 01:01:38,910
They're actually just stickers, but...
1274
01:01:38,941 --> 01:01:42,903
Maddie, please spank your mother
with the ceremonial paddle.
1275
01:01:43,779 --> 01:01:45,990
No, I'm not... I'm not paddling my mother.
1276
01:01:46,772 --> 01:01:47,856
Oh, come on, Maddie.
1277
01:01:47,888 --> 01:01:48,920
Maddie, team player!
1278
01:01:48,951 --> 01:01:52,934
You know what? I have to ask.
Has everybody else been paddled?
1279
01:01:52,965 --> 01:01:55,791
Because I don't wanna be
the stick in the mud.
1280
01:01:55,823 --> 01:01:58,889
Should I crouch? I'm assuming
I should take a crouched position.
1281
01:01:58,920 --> 01:02:00,005
I crouched.
1282
01:02:00,787 --> 01:02:02,966
I want the full Greek experience
because I've always wondered...
1283
01:02:02,997 --> 01:02:04,989
(yells): Ow! Ow!
1284
01:02:05,020 --> 01:02:07,804
(groans)
1285
01:02:07,836 --> 01:02:08,951
God, that hit bone!
1286
01:02:08,982 --> 01:02:10,025
- Mom.
- Maddie!
1287
01:02:10,807 --> 01:02:12,027
- I'm sorry.
- (groans)
1288
01:02:12,809 --> 01:02:13,883
- Mom.
- (groans)
1289
01:02:13,915 --> 01:02:15,041
Is someone still hitting me?
1290
01:02:15,823 --> 01:02:18,805
- I'm not touching you!
- Ohh, I feel it! (groans)
1291
01:02:18,836 --> 01:02:21,923
They're like phantom pains
except they're real!
1292
01:02:21,954 --> 01:02:22,996
(yells)
1293
01:02:23,028 --> 01:02:24,905
Get off of me!
1294
01:02:25,947 --> 01:02:27,814
Oh, God.
1295
01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:29,951
I thought I was gonna vomit.
1296
01:02:30,953 --> 01:02:31,975
No.
1297
01:02:32,006 --> 01:02:33,915
I'm sorry...
1298
01:02:33,946 --> 01:02:36,855
if I may have raised my voice.
1299
01:02:36,886 --> 01:02:39,024
- Are you OK, Dee Rock?
- It's like when you stub a toe.
1300
01:02:39,055 --> 01:02:41,902
You just... You skyrocket
1301
01:02:41,933 --> 01:02:46,020
and then 30 seconds later,
you didn't lose the toe,
1302
01:02:46,052 --> 01:02:48,846
which you swore 30 seconds earlier...
1303
01:02:48,878 --> 01:02:49,983
"I'm gonna lose the toe."
1304
01:02:50,014 --> 01:02:53,069
Right? We've all been at that bedpost.
(chuckles)
1305
01:02:53,851 --> 01:02:55,895
- Are you ready to continue?
- I'd love to.
1306
01:02:55,926 --> 01:02:56,948
All right.
1307
01:02:56,979 --> 01:03:01,015
By the power vested in me by
this great state and educational facility,
1308
01:03:01,046 --> 01:03:04,967
I declare you a member of Theta Mu Gamma.
1309
01:03:04,998 --> 01:03:07,022
(cheering)
1310
01:03:09,076 --> 01:03:10,921
Oh, my gosh!
1311
01:03:10,953 --> 01:03:15,092
I just wanna say, I mean, pound sign,
hashtag gratitude.
1312
01:03:15,874 --> 01:03:16,907
Right here.
1313
01:03:16,938 --> 01:03:19,002
- (chuckles)
- And there's cake upstairs!
1314
01:03:19,034 --> 01:03:20,984
(cheering)
1315
01:03:21,015 --> 01:03:22,068
Cake!
1316
01:03:24,112 --> 01:03:25,978
She's allergic. She...
1317
01:03:26,009 --> 01:03:27,104
Honey, you're allergic.
1318
01:03:27,886 --> 01:03:28,992
Not tonight!
1319
01:03:34,038 --> 01:03:35,112
All right.
1320
01:03:35,894 --> 01:03:37,886
Exciting day. Hello to you, class.
1321
01:03:37,917 --> 01:03:41,098
I am very much looking forward
to discovering the treasure
1322
01:03:41,130 --> 01:03:43,017
of your mid-term presentations.
1323
01:03:44,133 --> 01:03:46,906
- You're not gonna laugh at that?
- It's funny.
1324
01:03:46,938 --> 01:03:49,075
I'm just... I'm too nervous
about this presentation.
1325
01:03:49,106 --> 01:03:50,973
- I can't.
- OK, tell you what.
1326
01:03:51,004 --> 01:03:53,997
Why don't we start off with...
No offence to the rest of you!
1327
01:03:54,028 --> 01:03:55,947
..my favourite student?
1328
01:03:55,978 --> 01:03:57,041
Oh, God. I gotta get some air.
1329
01:03:57,073 --> 01:04:00,086
Oh, don't worry about it.
It's me. I'm clearly his favourite.
1330
01:04:00,117 --> 01:04:01,150
Excuse me. Sorry.
1331
01:04:01,932 --> 01:04:04,997
Deanna Miles,
would you get us started, please?
1332
01:04:06,968 --> 01:04:08,084
Oh, God!
1333
01:04:09,929 --> 01:04:11,045
I'm um...
1334
01:04:13,985 --> 01:04:15,133
- You wanna...
- No.
1335
01:04:17,125 --> 01:04:20,159
- I know you're gonna knock our socks off.
- Thank you.
1336
01:04:20,940 --> 01:04:23,100
Deanna Miles is gonna start us off,
everybody. Lights.
1337
01:04:24,101 --> 01:04:25,957
Ohh!
1338
01:04:25,988 --> 01:04:27,948
Oh, I didn't expect that.
1339
01:04:29,043 --> 01:04:30,148
Hello.
1340
01:04:32,057 --> 01:04:33,141
Oh, God.
1341
01:04:33,172 --> 01:04:35,018
Sorry.
1342
01:04:42,171 --> 01:04:44,986
I didn't... Is it a crank?
1343
01:04:45,017 --> 01:04:46,091
It's a crank.
1344
01:04:46,123 --> 01:04:48,125
I'm sorry, I just need to...
1345
01:04:50,012 --> 01:04:51,128
We are gonna...
1346
01:04:52,182 --> 01:04:55,038
I'm here to... Oh, God!
1347
01:04:55,070 --> 01:04:56,113
I'm sorry.
1348
01:04:57,103 --> 01:04:58,156
I'm so sorry.
1349
01:04:58,188 --> 01:05:03,193
Is it part of the core curriculum
that I must use the podium?
1350
01:05:03,975 --> 01:05:05,111
Of course not. No, not at all.
1351
01:05:05,143 --> 01:05:10,127
OK. I'm going to opt
to not use that.
1352
01:05:10,158 --> 01:05:12,181
(clears her throat nervously)
1353
01:05:14,058 --> 01:05:15,997
She's totally pitting out.
1354
01:05:16,029 --> 01:05:17,186
She's gonna be fine.
1355
01:05:21,138 --> 01:05:22,212
(echoes): I'm here...
1356
01:05:22,994 --> 01:05:24,130
Too loud, too loud.
1357
01:05:24,162 --> 01:05:26,153
I'm here to discuss...
1358
01:05:26,184 --> 01:05:31,012
not an exciting find
but rather an exciting truth.
1359
01:05:32,160 --> 01:05:35,101
The tomb of Attila the Hun,
1360
01:05:35,226 --> 01:05:40,137
thought to be in Budapest, Hungary,
in 2014,
1361
01:05:40,168 --> 01:05:42,066
but was in fact a hoax.
1362
01:05:42,097 --> 01:05:43,255
- But how do we know?
- (crack)
1363
01:05:45,236 --> 01:05:47,092
(pained): How do we know?
1364
01:05:47,123 --> 01:05:49,031
Ms Miles, are you OK?
1365
01:05:49,063 --> 01:05:51,158
Oh, yes. I'm fine. Just...
1366
01:05:51,190 --> 01:05:55,256
You know what? If I could just maybe
get into a couple of those tissues...
1367
01:05:56,038 --> 01:05:57,227
Oh, of course.
1368
01:06:01,127 --> 01:06:02,180
- I'm sorry.
- No.
1369
01:06:02,211 --> 01:06:08,145
You may wanna check with your HVAC guy
because something's going on in here.
1370
01:06:09,073 --> 01:06:10,283
(Deanna panting)
1371
01:06:11,065 --> 01:06:12,139
- Thank you.
- You've got...
1372
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:17,237
Thank you. That's better.
1373
01:06:19,062 --> 01:06:20,115
(whispers): Tissue.
1374
01:06:21,169 --> 01:06:23,077
Oh, my God.
1375
01:06:26,059 --> 01:06:27,185
Oh, my God.
1376
01:06:30,094 --> 01:06:31,220
(clears her throat)
1377
01:06:32,190 --> 01:06:34,098
Historically...
1378
01:06:34,129 --> 01:06:36,299
Historically, the Huns have...
(her voice breaks)
1379
01:06:37,080 --> 01:06:39,103
(she coughs)
1380
01:06:39,176 --> 01:06:44,255
Could I just have a small...
small sip of water from someone?
1381
01:06:45,246 --> 01:06:47,112
Can I... Do you mind if I just...
1382
01:06:47,143 --> 01:06:49,229
Thank you so much. Thank you.
1383
01:06:51,293 --> 01:06:53,212
(whispers): Don't be a dick now.
1384
01:06:59,208 --> 01:07:00,240
(groans)
1385
01:07:01,262 --> 01:07:04,265
That is surprisingly challenging my body.
1386
01:07:04,296 --> 01:07:06,340
- Wayne!
- Deanna.
1387
01:07:07,122 --> 01:07:08,206
(Deanna groans)
1388
01:07:08,237 --> 01:07:10,156
Oh, girl.
1389
01:07:12,116 --> 01:07:14,212
I think it's OK now.
1390
01:07:16,236 --> 01:07:18,143
So sorry for that.
1391
01:07:19,301 --> 01:07:23,337
Rümschtein discovered a tomb,
1392
01:07:24,119 --> 01:07:28,238
allegedly that had many human...
(strained): skeletons,
1393
01:07:28,269 --> 01:07:32,252
and many various
different kinds of horse skeletons,
1394
01:07:33,253 --> 01:07:35,182
ie, carcasses,
1395
01:07:36,277 --> 01:07:39,321
to enable them to come into
the next dimension.
1396
01:07:40,322 --> 01:07:42,283
Are there any questions...?
1397
01:07:42,314 --> 01:07:44,295
(she groans, students gasp)
1398
01:07:44,326 --> 01:07:46,349
- Deanna?
- No. OK...
1399
01:07:47,309 --> 01:07:49,144
Ms Miles! Ms Miles!
1400
01:07:49,175 --> 01:07:50,218
Dee Rock!
1401
01:07:51,282 --> 01:07:53,200
How did I do?
1402
01:07:53,232 --> 01:07:55,338
Girl, you sweat through your pants.
1403
01:07:55,370 --> 01:07:58,394
Oh, no. I love these pants.
1404
01:07:59,176 --> 01:08:01,178
(she groans)
1405
01:08:04,306 --> 01:08:07,319
It was the first time I've taken a look
at his entire portfolio.
1406
01:08:07,350 --> 01:08:14,170
And I looked at him and I said,
"Tom, your 401(k) is 401 not OK."
1407
01:08:14,201 --> 01:08:15,233
(laughs)
1408
01:08:15,265 --> 01:08:16,307
Interesting.
1409
01:08:16,339 --> 01:08:18,247
Sounds like a really exciting business.
1410
01:08:18,278 --> 01:08:20,197
I'm glad to see you.
1411
01:08:20,228 --> 01:08:22,209
- Yeah, me, too.
- I'm glad you called me.
1412
01:08:22,240 --> 01:08:24,253
You're being quiet tonight. What is it?
1413
01:08:24,284 --> 01:08:27,340
No, I'm enjoying the wine,
and the neat banter.
1414
01:08:27,371 --> 01:08:30,333
Oh, my God.
We're too old and boring for you now.
1415
01:08:30,364 --> 01:08:33,252
- Don't say that. That's not true.
- I knew it. Don't dump me.
1416
01:08:33,284 --> 01:08:34,431
- I'm not gonna dump you.
- I mean it.
1417
01:08:35,213 --> 01:08:38,226
- I will leave Frank. In a heartbeat.
- (mouths)
1418
01:08:38,257 --> 01:08:41,260
I don't give two rats' asses
about Amy and Bill.
1419
01:08:41,427 --> 01:08:44,243
- Excuse me?
- Your jokes make me wanna kill myself.
1420
01:08:44,274 --> 01:08:45,358
They're not very good.
1421
01:08:45,389 --> 01:08:46,443
No, they're the worst.
1422
01:08:47,225 --> 01:08:48,361
That's... That's fair.
1423
01:08:49,216 --> 01:08:52,240
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
1424
01:08:52,271 --> 01:08:54,273
- Those pricks are here.
- Who?
1425
01:08:54,305 --> 01:08:56,255
- They can't see me.
- Where are you going?
1426
01:08:56,286 --> 01:08:59,247
- What are you doing?
- Maybe they're going the other...
1427
01:08:59,436 --> 01:09:02,334
I can't believe...
I did not know they were gonna be here.
1428
01:09:03,282 --> 01:09:05,390
- Well...
- Here it is. Found my contact.
1429
01:09:05,421 --> 01:09:07,402
- Hey, gang. What's the good word?
- Hi!
1430
01:09:08,351 --> 01:09:09,456
Oh...
1431
01:09:10,238 --> 01:09:12,282
What a surprise!
I didn't know you were here.
1432
01:09:12,313 --> 01:09:13,460
- You guys know Marcie, right?
- Yeah.
1433
01:09:14,242 --> 01:09:16,244
- I don't think I introduced you.
- Hi. Hello.
1434
01:09:16,276 --> 01:09:17,443
Pleasure. It's great.
1435
01:09:17,475 --> 01:09:22,240
- What is... What is on your lobe, Dan?
- Oh.
1436
01:09:22,407 --> 01:09:24,471
It's an earring.
It works for Harrison Ford.
1437
01:09:25,253 --> 01:09:26,275
Sure does.
1438
01:09:26,306 --> 01:09:28,475
Harrison Ford blew up the Death Star
and freed a galaxy.
1439
01:09:29,257 --> 01:09:30,300
What have you done, Dan?
1440
01:09:30,331 --> 01:09:33,449
Six-minute abs. He completed
the 30-day challenge of six-minute abs.
1441
01:09:33,480 --> 01:09:35,399
My goal is to have a washboard.
1442
01:09:35,430 --> 01:09:38,486
Now, Deanna, what are you up to?
You still pretending to go to college?
1443
01:09:39,267 --> 01:09:41,406
Because you know,
Dan can't foot that bill forever.
1444
01:09:41,437 --> 01:09:45,274
What was the word we learned in Italy
for "pathetic"?
1445
01:09:45,306 --> 01:09:48,267
- I don't remember any more.
- I do. It was Deanna.
1446
01:09:48,298 --> 01:09:50,488
Pathetico in Italian. Pathetic, pathetico.
1447
01:09:51,270 --> 01:09:57,297
Bill, you look like Orson Welles
had a stroke and stayed that way.
1448
01:09:57,328 --> 01:09:59,330
Not the first time I've heard it.
1449
01:09:59,361 --> 01:10:02,458
God, I hate him so much.
I hate him so much.
1450
01:10:02,489 --> 01:10:04,387
He's hateable.
1451
01:10:04,418 --> 01:10:07,317
Deanna, I wanted to speak to you
privately for a second.
1452
01:10:07,348 --> 01:10:12,291
No. I don't have any time for you and I
will never have any time for you again.
1453
01:10:12,322 --> 01:10:16,379
Fine. I was going to say,
Marcie and I have some big news.
1454
01:10:16,504 --> 01:10:18,381
We're getting married next week.
1455
01:10:18,413 --> 01:10:20,404
Small ceremony but super classy.
1456
01:10:20,435 --> 01:10:21,468
Mazel tov!
1457
01:10:21,499 --> 01:10:23,490
Shut up, Bill!
1458
01:10:23,522 --> 01:10:25,440
What the hell is wrong with you?
1459
01:10:25,472 --> 01:10:29,371
They said they were getting married.
We should... Mazel tov!
1460
01:10:29,403 --> 01:10:31,457
Read the room, Bill.
1461
01:10:31,488 --> 01:10:33,375
Thank you. That was very kind.
1462
01:10:33,407 --> 01:10:34,554
I'm not Jewish, but thank you.
1463
01:10:35,336 --> 01:10:36,441
This is a bona fide shit show.
1464
01:10:36,472 --> 01:10:38,391
Oh, jeez.
1465
01:10:38,422 --> 01:10:40,403
I was hoping for a "congratulations".
1466
01:10:40,435 --> 01:10:42,364
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
1467
01:10:42,395 --> 01:10:45,325
- Can I get you any starters, appetisers?
- Jack!
1468
01:10:46,368 --> 01:10:47,421
- What...?
- Deanna.
1469
01:10:47,452 --> 01:10:51,436
Wow, you look...stunning.
1470
01:10:51,467 --> 01:10:53,438
Oh, I don't know. (laughs)
1471
01:10:53,469 --> 01:10:56,514
- Oh, um...this is my mom.
- What?
1472
01:10:56,545 --> 01:10:58,558
Mom, this is who I was telling you about.
The girl.
1473
01:10:59,340 --> 01:11:00,362
- No.
- What?
1474
01:11:00,393 --> 01:11:02,499
- No!
- What am I hearing?
1475
01:11:02,530 --> 01:11:03,563
What's happening?
1476
01:11:04,345 --> 01:11:08,453
Jack, you told me you were seeing
a college girl named Dee Dee.
1477
01:11:08,484 --> 01:11:12,415
Yeah, she came to the frat house
and we met at a party.
1478
01:11:13,375 --> 01:11:15,491
- That's not what you meant.
- (Christine laughs)
1479
01:11:15,523 --> 01:11:16,576
Oh, gosh!
1480
01:11:17,358 --> 01:11:19,495
She had sex with your son!
1481
01:11:19,527 --> 01:11:22,363
She had sex with your son
and she called me right after.
1482
01:11:22,394 --> 01:11:23,594
Because we are friends!
1483
01:11:24,375 --> 01:11:26,441
Oh, my goodness!
1484
01:11:26,472 --> 01:11:30,601
Everybody, she slept with her son
in a library! (cackles)
1485
01:11:33,417 --> 01:11:35,533
This is the greatest thing
I've ever been a part of.
1486
01:11:35,564 --> 01:11:36,576
- I get it.
- Cheers.
1487
01:11:36,607 --> 01:11:39,496
It's just a cruel joke.
It's cruel, and you're right.
1488
01:11:39,527 --> 01:11:42,540
You know what? I might deserve it.
I've been rough on you, but come on,
1489
01:11:42,571 --> 01:11:46,534
seriously, did you have intercourse
with my son?
1490
01:11:47,524 --> 01:11:49,422
- Did you?
- (laughs)
1491
01:11:51,601 --> 01:11:57,399
In terms of your question of like,
did anything happen between us?
1492
01:11:57,430 --> 01:11:59,432
Have we slept together?
1493
01:11:59,463 --> 01:12:01,623
Yeah. Yeah, we have.
1494
01:12:02,404 --> 01:12:04,532
And I rocked...his world.
1495
01:12:04,563 --> 01:12:06,482
- Oh, my God!
- Come on.
1496
01:12:06,513 --> 01:12:09,422
Well, best night of my life.
1497
01:12:09,558 --> 01:12:11,435
I'll drink to that.
1498
01:12:12,592 --> 01:12:14,500
All right. Bye, Jack.
1499
01:12:15,512 --> 01:12:20,444
Whoa! That's my girl! That's my lady!
1500
01:12:21,518 --> 01:12:22,665
Nice to finally meet you, Jack.
1501
01:12:23,447 --> 01:12:25,428
I love you!
1502
01:12:25,459 --> 01:12:28,618
I love you! You're my hero! Whoa!
1503
01:12:28,650 --> 01:12:31,517
I need... I'm gonna check on Dee Dee.
1504
01:12:36,376 --> 01:12:37,535
- Dee Rock!
- Dee!
1505
01:12:38,316 --> 01:12:39,495
Dee, where are you? Oh, there she is!
1506
01:12:39,526 --> 01:12:41,518
- Hi! How are you?
- I heard you had sex in here!
1507
01:12:41,549 --> 01:12:44,385
- So good to see you.
- Oh, my God, you guys. Ssh.
1508
01:12:44,417 --> 01:12:47,399
- What are you doing here?
- We're here to get you out of here.
1509
01:12:47,430 --> 01:12:48,525
No. Why?
1510
01:12:48,556 --> 01:12:51,392
Your ding-dong ex-husband's
getting married tonight.
1511
01:12:51,424 --> 01:12:53,530
You were here for our girl
when she was freaking out.
1512
01:12:53,561 --> 01:12:55,438
You've been there for all of us.
1513
01:12:55,469 --> 01:12:57,367
Let us be there for you.
1514
01:12:57,398 --> 01:13:00,454
My friend Lance who I was in a coma
with is having a gathering this evening.
1515
01:13:00,485 --> 01:13:02,518
His place is kind of a dump,
but it'll be fun!
1516
01:13:02,549 --> 01:13:05,406
No. You know what?
I'm pretty much partied out.
1517
01:13:05,438 --> 01:13:07,388
I just wanna stay in for the night
1518
01:13:07,419 --> 01:13:08,482
- and hit the books.
- Please!
1519
01:13:08,514 --> 01:13:10,589
I'm sorry, Dee. I'm sorry.
I'm not taking this.
1520
01:13:11,371 --> 01:13:12,571
You should not be alone tonight, so...
1521
01:13:13,352 --> 01:13:15,354
- No!
- I'm afraid you don't have an option.
1522
01:13:15,385 --> 01:13:17,586
Yeah, this is not like those
other parties. It's jazz night!
1523
01:13:18,483 --> 01:13:20,391
OK. You know what?
1524
01:13:20,422 --> 01:13:22,383
You're right. If I stay here any longer,
1525
01:13:22,414 --> 01:13:24,468
I'm just gonna keep thinking
about that wedding.
1526
01:13:24,499 --> 01:13:27,429
Yeah, she's probably getting her dress on.
1527
01:13:27,461 --> 01:13:29,421
Hair and make-up, going over her vows.
1528
01:13:29,452 --> 01:13:31,517
OK, you know what? Let's just go.
1529
01:13:31,548 --> 01:13:33,540
- Yeah!
- (whooping)
1530
01:13:33,571 --> 01:13:35,448
No! No!
1531
01:13:35,583 --> 01:13:36,595
Oh...
1532
01:13:37,377 --> 01:13:41,610
You know, Lance, I have to say, you know,
you have a lovely, lovely home here.
1533
01:13:42,392 --> 01:13:43,529
Are you sure tonight is a party?
1534
01:13:43,560 --> 01:13:45,614
Sorry. Lance, what's going on?
Where is everybody?
1535
01:13:46,396 --> 01:13:47,564
- You promised me a jazz party.
- I know.
1536
01:13:47,595 --> 01:13:50,610
You got people doing role-playing games.
And Tuesday night is jazz.
1537
01:13:51,391 --> 01:13:53,519
- Thursday night is role-playing.
- I know. It's my bad.
1538
01:13:53,550 --> 01:13:56,449
I tried to combine them
and I'm regretting that choice now
1539
01:13:56,480 --> 01:13:58,472
because I feel like
I'm losing the jazz crowd
1540
01:13:58,503 --> 01:14:00,463
and I've also lost the role-playing crowd.
1541
01:14:00,495 --> 01:14:02,445
Uh. Taking a ding on both sides.
1542
01:14:02,476 --> 01:14:03,633
Yeah, it's like a double loss, really.
1543
01:14:04,415 --> 01:14:06,490
You know what?
I'm having a wonderful time
1544
01:14:06,522 --> 01:14:11,631
and I have to say, uh-oh, I cannot
stay out of this unbelievable choc...
1545
01:14:12,413 --> 01:14:14,519
You are quite a gifted chocolatier.
I mean...
1546
01:14:14,550 --> 01:14:17,491
- They're really good.
- I don't usually like chocolate.
1547
01:14:17,522 --> 01:14:20,525
I just started eating because
I was nervous but it's really good.
1548
01:14:20,556 --> 01:14:22,506
It is a weed bark. So, maybe...
1549
01:14:22,538 --> 01:14:24,603
I would probably hold off
from having any more.
1550
01:14:25,625 --> 01:14:27,428
- Just cos...
- What is it?
1551
01:14:27,459 --> 01:14:31,485
I have a medicinal marijuana card
for early-onset glaucoma.
1552
01:14:32,434 --> 01:14:33,591
- No.
- Yeah.
1553
01:14:33,622 --> 01:14:35,656
- No, it's not.
- Oh, no, it most certainly is.
1554
01:14:36,438 --> 01:14:39,566
Lance, damn it! Why'd you put out
chocolate weed bark? You gotta label that.
1555
01:14:39,597 --> 01:14:41,464
I am so sorry. It is...
1556
01:14:41,495 --> 01:14:44,540
I've had 14. I've eaten a lot of bark.
1557
01:14:44,571 --> 01:14:46,542
- I've eaten a lot of bark too.
- So much bark.
1558
01:14:46,573 --> 01:14:48,450
So much bark.
1559
01:14:48,481 --> 01:14:50,608
I just wanted to hear some Miles Davis,
you know.
1560
01:14:50,639 --> 01:14:52,485
I'm sorry.
1561
01:14:52,683 --> 01:14:56,625
Is that it? Because I'm starting
to feel a little fungly.
1562
01:14:56,656 --> 01:14:58,595
Yeah, it's pretty powerful stuff.
1563
01:14:58,627 --> 01:15:01,641
Fungly. Fun-Fungle. Fungl-y.
1564
01:15:01,672 --> 01:15:04,476
You have such pretty eyes.
1565
01:15:06,521 --> 01:15:08,533
- Thank you.
- (chuckles)
1566
01:15:10,535 --> 01:15:12,527
My tongue is so big.
1567
01:15:12,558 --> 01:15:14,581
(laughing)
1568
01:15:17,501 --> 01:15:20,566
♪ The final countdown!
1569
01:15:20,598 --> 01:15:22,683
That was recognisable.
1570
01:15:22,714 --> 01:15:24,727
Really good jam. I'm just gonna...
1571
01:15:25,509 --> 01:15:26,604
- Can I get in here?
- Please.
1572
01:15:26,635 --> 01:15:27,688
Oh, it's so comfy.
1573
01:15:27,719 --> 01:15:29,669
OK, wait. I...
1574
01:15:29,700 --> 01:15:31,629
was thinking about something...
1575
01:15:31,661 --> 01:15:34,601
and if I do marry Jack...
1576
01:15:34,632 --> 01:15:36,582
No! Just listen. Wait, wait.
1577
01:15:36,614 --> 01:15:39,638
That would make Marcie my stepmom...
1578
01:15:39,670 --> 01:15:43,549
and that would make Dan my new stepdad.
1579
01:15:43,580 --> 01:15:48,564
And then I would have to say things like,
"Nuh-uh, Dan. You're not my real dad.
1580
01:15:48,595 --> 01:15:49,700
You can't tell me what to do.
1581
01:15:49,732 --> 01:15:51,702
Give me the car!"
1582
01:15:51,734 --> 01:15:53,579
(laughs)
1583
01:15:53,611 --> 01:15:55,706
Or, wait a minute... Or...
1584
01:15:55,738 --> 01:15:57,656
I could flip it.
1585
01:15:58,584 --> 01:15:59,763
And I could make peace with Dan.
1586
01:16:00,545 --> 01:16:03,714
What a great teaching lesson,
right, that would be for Maddie
1587
01:16:03,746 --> 01:16:07,635
to see forgiveness
and truly being the better person.
1588
01:16:07,666 --> 01:16:09,648
- That's better.
- You're so smart.
1589
01:16:09,679 --> 01:16:11,629
You gotta go to that wedding.
1590
01:16:12,683 --> 01:16:13,736
Are we doing it?
1591
01:16:13,767 --> 01:16:15,780
Oh, my God. We're doing it!
1592
01:16:18,730 --> 01:16:24,674
Dan, when I first saw you,
I thought the kerb appeal wasn't great,
1593
01:16:25,685 --> 01:16:27,687
the layout was a bit dated
1594
01:16:27,719 --> 01:16:30,690
and the kitchen a little small
for my liking.
1595
01:16:30,722 --> 01:16:32,682
- (clamouring)
- Dee Rock, good for you.
1596
01:16:32,713 --> 01:16:34,590
You're being the better person.
1597
01:16:34,621 --> 01:16:35,737
Thank you. That's the whole plan.
1598
01:16:35,768 --> 01:16:37,760
I'm gonna see Dan,
I'm gonna shake his hand,
1599
01:16:37,791 --> 01:16:40,805
I'm gonna extend
an olive branch to him and...
1600
01:16:41,587 --> 01:16:45,601
What? He... He's taking her name!
1601
01:16:45,632 --> 01:16:46,675
Who does...
1602
01:16:46,706 --> 01:16:48,782
Men don't do that.
1603
01:16:48,814 --> 01:16:52,672
I tried to do that
and he told me it was silly.
1604
01:16:52,703 --> 01:16:53,756
(shudders)
1605
01:16:54,788 --> 01:16:57,614
That is a very alarming picture.
1606
01:16:57,645 --> 01:16:59,741
Hey! I mean, is...
1607
01:16:59,772 --> 01:17:01,608
Is that a shot at me?
1608
01:17:01,639 --> 01:17:02,713
- Uh...yeah.
- I think so.
1609
01:17:02,744 --> 01:17:05,612
- Hm.
- (giggling)
1610
01:17:12,681 --> 01:17:14,777
You know what?
Dan just lost his olive branch.
1611
01:17:15,705 --> 01:17:17,770
♪ DOMINIQUE YOUNG UNIQUE:
Throw It Down
1612
01:17:19,845 --> 01:17:22,650
♪ Like the way I work it
Then I bend it over show 'em shots
1613
01:17:22,681 --> 01:17:24,620
♪ All these hoes around here
sitting on they ass shots
1614
01:17:24,652 --> 01:17:27,812
♪ He think he finna hit it like the way
he rocks his fitted when he's round
1615
01:17:27,843 --> 01:17:29,720
♪ Don't make me throw it down
1616
01:17:32,681 --> 01:17:33,807
♪ Don't make me throw it down
1617
01:17:36,685 --> 01:17:37,718
♪ Throw it down
1618
01:17:37,749 --> 01:17:40,783
♪ D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D...
1619
01:17:40,814 --> 01:17:41,826
♪ Down
1620
01:17:41,857 --> 01:17:45,642
♪ D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D...
1621
01:17:45,674 --> 01:17:46,810
♪ D-Down
1622
01:17:54,860 --> 01:17:57,874
♪ D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D...
1623
01:17:58,655 --> 01:17:59,677
♪ Down
1624
01:17:59,708 --> 01:18:02,723
♪ D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D...
1625
01:18:02,754 --> 01:18:04,777
♪ Down
1626
01:18:07,832 --> 01:18:08,896
♪ D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D...
1627
01:18:09,678 --> 01:18:10,793
One second.
1628
01:18:10,825 --> 01:18:12,733
(door shuts)
1629
01:18:13,744 --> 01:18:15,798
Deanna, what the hell is wrong with you?
1630
01:18:15,830 --> 01:18:17,696
Oh, my God!
1631
01:18:17,832 --> 01:18:18,885
Oh, my God!
1632
01:18:19,834 --> 01:18:22,691
Hey, Dan.
1633
01:18:23,879 --> 01:18:26,757
Marcie... You're...
1634
01:18:26,789 --> 01:18:28,822
a big Beetlejuice fan, huh?
1635
01:18:28,853 --> 01:18:30,699
Mom!
1636
01:18:30,824 --> 01:18:33,764
Hey, honey. That's uh...
1637
01:18:34,850 --> 01:18:38,843
I think we may have
just gotten slightly...
1638
01:18:38,874 --> 01:18:42,878
You know, I think... I think
if we all kind of work together...
1639
01:18:42,910 --> 01:18:45,788
we can have this shipshape and...
1640
01:18:45,819 --> 01:18:48,739
you won't even know,
or it will be better.
1641
01:18:48,770 --> 01:18:50,897
- Mom, why did you do this?
- Um...
1642
01:18:50,928 --> 01:18:54,849
You know, it's a great um...question.
1643
01:18:54,880 --> 01:18:57,716
I mean, I actually came here...
1644
01:18:57,748 --> 01:19:00,730
fully with the intention
of offering an olive branch.
1645
01:19:00,761 --> 01:19:04,744
Then I don't know if it was the crazy
wedding propaganda in the hallway
1646
01:19:04,775 --> 01:19:07,957
or, you know, was it
the bark high that I'm on?
1647
01:19:08,738 --> 01:19:12,951
Shut up. You are, as of this moment,
completely financially cut off.
1648
01:19:13,732 --> 01:19:16,788
- What?
- Not one more penny for you.
1649
01:19:16,903 --> 01:19:18,863
- Dad.
- Ssh.
1650
01:19:19,812 --> 01:19:20,928
Would it help if I just...
1651
01:19:20,959 --> 01:19:22,847
You know, you...
1652
01:19:22,878 --> 01:19:24,765
You did a good job.
1653
01:19:24,796 --> 01:19:25,922
- It looks good.
- It did.
1654
01:19:25,954 --> 01:19:27,966
- It did look good.
- It was pretty.
1655
01:19:28,748 --> 01:19:30,907
- I think you all should leave.
- OK.
1656
01:19:30,938 --> 01:19:32,752
(mouths)
1657
01:19:33,816 --> 01:19:35,839
(decorations crunching underfoot)
1658
01:19:36,777 --> 01:19:37,976
The other way.
1659
01:19:43,952 --> 01:19:45,880
Get out!
1660
01:19:46,808 --> 01:19:47,914
Thank you.
1661
01:19:48,874 --> 01:19:50,823
The cake was really good.
1662
01:19:50,855 --> 01:19:52,867
Oh, you got a blender.
1663
01:20:03,795 --> 01:20:06,996
Hey! Look! I got your favourite.
1664
01:20:08,831 --> 01:20:10,833
You haven't been returning
any of my calls.
1665
01:20:10,864 --> 01:20:13,023
Yeah, I've been pretty busy
destroying hotel banquet rooms
1666
01:20:13,805 --> 01:20:15,973
- and crashing weddings.
- OK. I get you're upset.
1667
01:20:16,005 --> 01:20:18,018
No, Mom. I don't think you do.
1668
01:20:18,935 --> 01:20:22,012
Is this why you went back to college?
So you could act like some dumb frat guy?
1669
01:20:22,793 --> 01:20:24,879
Cos I actually thought
you wanted to learn something.
1670
01:20:24,911 --> 01:20:27,986
But you've just been getting stoned
and sleeping with guys half your age.
1671
01:20:28,018 --> 01:20:30,989
OK, Jack is not half my...age.
1672
01:20:31,021 --> 01:20:34,003
Oh, my God, I think
he's less than half my age.
1673
01:20:34,034 --> 01:20:37,048
OK, I hear you and you're right.
1674
01:20:37,830 --> 01:20:39,853
Which is why I'm leaving school.
1675
01:20:39,884 --> 01:20:41,813
What?
1676
01:20:41,886 --> 01:20:43,940
I'm gonna drop out of school, honey.
1677
01:20:44,868 --> 01:20:47,913
You know, it wasn't that easy for me
getting used to you being here.
1678
01:20:47,944 --> 01:20:50,050
And now I actually did
and you're just giving up?
1679
01:20:50,832 --> 01:20:52,886
You said the one thing
you regret most in your life
1680
01:20:52,918 --> 01:20:55,995
is not finishing school
and now you're gonna do it again?
1681
01:20:56,026 --> 01:20:57,945
You know what I regret?
1682
01:20:57,976 --> 01:21:00,968
I regret that when you look back
on your senior year of college,
1683
01:21:01,000 --> 01:21:04,879
all you're gonna think about
is your mom's crazy mid-life crisis.
1684
01:21:04,910 --> 01:21:05,994
That's what I regret.
1685
01:21:06,025 --> 01:21:10,009
The worst part is I don't think I was
being a very good mom to you lately.
1686
01:21:10,040 --> 01:21:13,001
And I'm so... I'm so sorry about that.
1687
01:21:13,032 --> 01:21:14,086
No, it's OK.
1688
01:21:14,868 --> 01:21:16,088
It's not OK, actually.
1689
01:21:16,870 --> 01:21:19,862
Not one bit. Not with me,
shouldn't be with you.
1690
01:21:20,019 --> 01:21:22,041
And I'm... I'm gonna do better.
1691
01:21:22,073 --> 01:21:24,096
- I love you, Mom.
- I love you, too.
1692
01:21:25,024 --> 01:21:26,880
You're so great.
1693
01:21:26,911 --> 01:21:28,903
- What are we gonna do?
- Well...
1694
01:21:29,048 --> 01:21:30,925
You can start by drinking that.
1695
01:21:30,957 --> 01:21:34,065
Let's go round up the girls and...
tell them all about it.
1696
01:21:35,973 --> 01:21:38,100
I don't get it.
Why are you leaving school?
1697
01:21:38,882 --> 01:21:42,918
Well, I'm in a bit of a tricky position,
financially.
1698
01:21:42,949 --> 01:21:47,109
So, for right now
I can't cover my tuition and it's over.
1699
01:21:47,891 --> 01:21:48,986
It's never over!
1700
01:21:49,017 --> 01:21:51,009
Was it over when I fell into a coma?
1701
01:21:51,040 --> 01:21:53,011
Well, for eight years, it was.
1702
01:21:53,042 --> 01:21:54,961
That's an awesome point, Amanda.
1703
01:21:54,992 --> 01:21:56,963
But now I'm back and I'm kicking ass.
1704
01:21:56,994 --> 01:21:58,099
Just like Dee Rock here.
1705
01:21:58,131 --> 01:22:01,916
She's gonna kick ass and graduate
and get a job
1706
01:22:01,947 --> 01:22:03,991
and become the next Indiana Jones.
1707
01:22:04,950 --> 01:22:06,119
- Come here.
- Please don't go.
1708
01:22:07,943 --> 01:22:10,133
You guys, we can't let this happen
to my mom a second time.
1709
01:22:10,914 --> 01:22:12,959
She deserves to graduate.
We gotta help her.
1710
01:22:12,990 --> 01:22:16,921
OK, in order to finish,
Dee Rock needs in the neighbourhood of...
1711
01:22:16,953 --> 01:22:18,141
No, it's almost $12,000.
1712
01:22:18,923 --> 01:22:20,998
- Oh, my God!
- I don't have that kind of money.
1713
01:22:21,030 --> 01:22:25,002
You know what? This isn't your problem
to solve, ladies. You can let this go!
1714
01:22:25,034 --> 01:22:28,016
- Can I say something?
OTHERS: Yes, Debbie, just say it.
1715
01:22:28,047 --> 01:22:29,079
Say it.
1716
01:22:29,110 --> 01:22:32,124
OK, we throw a party to raise money
to keep Glenn in school.
1717
01:22:32,155 --> 01:22:35,023
Deb, we can't raise that much money
from a party.
1718
01:22:35,054 --> 01:22:37,014
We don't throw just any party.
1719
01:22:37,046 --> 01:22:40,038
We throw the best party
this school has ever seen.
1720
01:22:40,069 --> 01:22:42,166
If we charge $40 a head...
1721
01:22:43,010 --> 01:22:45,044
- 1,000 students...
- OK.
1722
01:22:45,075 --> 01:22:49,152
..that is $4,000.
1723
01:22:50,018 --> 01:22:53,094
- No, it's not.
- No. That's $40,000.
1724
01:22:53,125 --> 01:22:55,044
What? Done!
1725
01:22:55,075 --> 01:22:59,997
A bunch of kids are not gonna pay $40
to keep some divorcée in college.
1726
01:23:00,028 --> 01:23:01,196
No, but they might pay 20.
1727
01:23:01,978 --> 01:23:03,177
Which is $200,000.
1728
01:23:03,959 --> 01:23:06,034
No, $20,000.
1729
01:23:06,065 --> 01:23:07,129
- Helen, come on.
- No, honey.
1730
01:23:07,160 --> 01:23:10,111
But that's way more money than we need
to keep Mom in school.
1731
01:23:10,142 --> 01:23:11,977
What do you say, Mom?
1732
01:23:12,009 --> 01:23:13,155
- Come on, Glenn.
- Please.
1733
01:23:15,199 --> 01:23:18,056
I say you ladies are pretty remarkable.
1734
01:23:18,088 --> 01:23:19,204
I mean, to be this age
1735
01:23:19,985 --> 01:23:22,999
and to have your whole world
turned upside down
1736
01:23:23,031 --> 01:23:25,200
and to come out with friends like you
on the other side
1737
01:23:25,982 --> 01:23:28,130
is quite a thing, really.
1738
01:23:28,161 --> 01:23:30,163
And I'm proud to be your sister.
1739
01:23:30,194 --> 01:23:33,156
And I'm so proud to be your mom
and I'm proud of you.
1740
01:23:33,187 --> 01:23:35,116
I'm proud of you.
1741
01:23:36,107 --> 01:23:40,204
And I'm so worried about the math skills
in this room.
1742
01:23:41,101 --> 01:23:42,206
I don't mean to single you out
1743
01:23:42,238 --> 01:23:46,117
but, Helen, I'm staring
right down the barrel at you.
1744
01:23:47,211 --> 01:23:52,175
And I'm starting to think that maybe
this party plan just might work!
1745
01:23:53,092 --> 01:23:54,145
Come on, Mom.
1746
01:23:54,178 --> 01:23:56,022
No! I don't know!
1747
01:23:56,054 --> 01:23:57,212
All right, I'm down to clown!
1748
01:23:57,243 --> 01:23:59,245
(whooping and cheering)
1749
01:24:00,163 --> 01:24:03,166
This is going to be epic!
1750
01:24:08,181 --> 01:24:10,256
OK. No one wants to show up first
to a party.
1751
01:24:11,038 --> 01:24:13,207
I'm sure lots of people are gonna come.
1752
01:24:13,238 --> 01:24:16,189
Guess everyone's
at the Christina Aguilera concert.
1753
01:24:16,220 --> 01:24:19,057
- What? That's tonight?
- Yeah.
1754
01:24:19,088 --> 01:24:21,069
Oh, my God. We don't stand a chance.
1755
01:24:21,184 --> 01:24:23,092
All right, ladies,
1756
01:24:23,123 --> 01:24:25,073
we gotta do something drastic.
1757
01:24:25,250 --> 01:24:28,107
Because this is not working.
1758
01:24:28,265 --> 01:24:31,205
You know,
I don't wanna be a negative Nelly
1759
01:24:31,236 --> 01:24:33,259
but that is a tough pic, guys.
1760
01:24:33,291 --> 01:24:35,282
You look happy and scared.
1761
01:24:36,064 --> 01:24:37,295
I do, don't I?
1762
01:24:38,077 --> 01:24:39,192
- All right.
- I like it.
1763
01:24:39,224 --> 01:24:41,080
Screw this. Give me your phone.
1764
01:24:41,111 --> 01:24:42,279
Why? What do you want?
1765
01:24:43,061 --> 01:24:45,271
I'm gonna tweet out a juicier carrot.
1766
01:24:49,077 --> 01:24:50,297
- Maddie!
- You're crazy.
1767
01:24:51,079 --> 01:24:52,226
What is it? What did you do?
1768
01:24:52,257 --> 01:24:55,146
I just tweeted
to Helen's three million followers
1769
01:24:55,177 --> 01:24:59,087
that Christina Aguilera is gonna come
to the party after her concert tonight.
1770
01:24:59,119 --> 01:25:02,122
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
1771
01:25:02,153 --> 01:25:03,311
I love Christina Aguilera!
1772
01:25:04,092 --> 01:25:06,136
She's the only person
I ever had a poster of.
1773
01:25:06,272 --> 01:25:08,254
She's not actually coming, Debbie.
1774
01:25:08,285 --> 01:25:10,162
But nobody needs to know that.
1775
01:25:10,193 --> 01:25:12,247
How do you have three million followers?
1776
01:25:13,186 --> 01:25:15,209
Coma Girl. I'm a medical mystery.
1777
01:25:15,240 --> 01:25:18,243
Now, Maddie, I don't know.
There's a real...
1778
01:25:18,274 --> 01:25:21,256
fibbing element to that
that I don't like.
1779
01:25:23,310 --> 01:25:25,177
Do you think it'll work?
1780
01:25:26,147 --> 01:25:27,231
I believed it.
1781
01:25:28,128 --> 01:25:30,317
- (party music)
- (cheering)
1782
01:25:33,341 --> 01:25:35,291
I think it's definitely working.
1783
01:25:35,322 --> 01:25:37,199
Hell yeah, it is.
1784
01:25:38,190 --> 01:25:40,161
Hey, here you go. Have fun!
1785
01:25:40,192 --> 01:25:43,132
Thanks for posting about Christina.
I couldn't get tickets.
1786
01:25:43,164 --> 01:25:44,364
- Coma Girl rules.
- Thank you!
1787
01:25:45,145 --> 01:25:46,157
All right.
1788
01:25:46,188 --> 01:25:48,326
- Thank you.
- It's amazing.
1789
01:25:48,357 --> 01:25:50,234
I'm tired of doing this.
1790
01:25:50,265 --> 01:25:51,329
No, Helen, we can't all...
1791
01:25:51,360 --> 01:25:53,237
Hey! When's Christina getting here?
1792
01:25:53,268 --> 01:25:54,321
- Guys...
- Yeah.
1793
01:25:54,353 --> 01:25:57,283
Christina's coming.
She's the voice of our generation.
1794
01:25:57,314 --> 01:25:59,212
- True.
- We can wait for her.
1795
01:25:59,243 --> 01:26:00,348
♪ ..confession
1796
01:26:00,380 --> 01:26:03,153
♪ I'm gonna teach you boys a lesson
1797
01:26:03,362 --> 01:26:05,249
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
1798
01:26:06,344 --> 01:26:07,366
Mm.
1799
01:26:08,148 --> 01:26:09,295
- Oh, it's good!
- It's not bad!
1800
01:26:09,326 --> 01:26:11,338
- Yeah. (chuckles)
- Yeah.
1801
01:26:11,370 --> 01:26:13,382
Do you wanna meet in the garage
in 20 minutes?
1802
01:26:14,164 --> 01:26:16,208
- Yes, I do.
- Yes, you would.
1803
01:26:16,324 --> 01:26:18,210
No, no, no!
1804
01:26:19,169 --> 01:26:20,380
God, make better choices.
1805
01:26:21,161 --> 01:26:23,299
Um...hey, come on back.
1806
01:26:23,331 --> 01:26:25,364
That popped right out of my mouth
1807
01:26:25,395 --> 01:26:28,409
when actually I meant to say
we're not gonna do that.
1808
01:26:29,264 --> 01:26:31,339
The... That's... You don't like the wine?
1809
01:26:33,184 --> 01:26:35,416
No, the wine is great and...
1810
01:26:36,385 --> 01:26:38,252
and you're great and...
1811
01:26:39,201 --> 01:26:42,225
I just think
when you meet the right person,
1812
01:26:42,256 --> 01:26:43,371
which is not me,
1813
01:26:44,258 --> 01:26:46,427
she's gonna be really, really lucky
1814
01:26:47,209 --> 01:26:50,201
but I think that we're...
1815
01:26:50,233 --> 01:26:53,225
Yeah, we should
just really be good friends.
1816
01:26:53,256 --> 01:26:55,332
I don't think I can get on board
with this, Dee.
1817
01:26:55,364 --> 01:26:57,428
Well, I think it's for the best.
1818
01:26:58,346 --> 01:26:59,399
- OK.
- OK?
1819
01:26:59,430 --> 01:27:01,359
Yeah, if you say so.
1820
01:27:01,390 --> 01:27:03,434
Hey, Mom, look who's here!
1821
01:27:04,216 --> 01:27:06,343
- Hi!
- Hi, what are you doing here?
1822
01:27:06,375 --> 01:27:09,388
Well, I started following Coma Girl
on Twitter
1823
01:27:09,419 --> 01:27:11,338
and I came to see...
1824
01:27:12,287 --> 01:27:13,434
Xtina!
1825
01:27:14,216 --> 01:27:15,363
(laughs) Oh, yeah!
1826
01:27:15,394 --> 01:27:18,376
Oh, hi, Jack. I'm Christine.
1827
01:27:18,407 --> 01:27:20,264
We met at the restaurant.
1828
01:27:20,295 --> 01:27:24,226
- Yeah, hi. I remember you...both.
- My man.
1829
01:27:25,447 --> 01:27:27,470
God, I just... I wanna
go back to college so bad.
1830
01:27:28,251 --> 01:27:29,419
Just go back to Frank.
Go back to Frank.
1831
01:27:29,451 --> 01:27:32,277
Hey, hey! We're here.
1832
01:27:32,464 --> 01:27:35,353
Oh, my God! What are they doing here?
1833
01:27:35,384 --> 01:27:37,355
I don't wanna be at a party
with my mom and dad.
1834
01:27:37,386 --> 01:27:39,429
Yeah, that must be so weird for you, Mom.
1835
01:27:40,389 --> 01:27:43,350
- Mom.
- Sweetheart!
1836
01:27:43,381 --> 01:27:45,342
Hi. Hey, Dad.
1837
01:27:45,373 --> 01:27:47,302
We heard you were having a party.
1838
01:27:47,333 --> 01:27:48,470
So I made a taco salad.
1839
01:27:49,252 --> 01:27:51,410
Yeah, I told her
a bunch of kids don't want a taco salad.
1840
01:27:51,441 --> 01:27:54,455
- I would love to have some taco salad.
- Please, yeah! I love taco salad.
1841
01:27:54,486 --> 01:27:57,302
- See, I told you!
- OK. All right.
1842
01:27:57,333 --> 01:27:58,344
Your parents?
1843
01:27:58,376 --> 01:28:01,358
Yeah. This is my mom and dad,
Mike and Sandy.
1844
01:28:01,389 --> 01:28:02,453
- Yeah.
- Hello.
1845
01:28:03,402 --> 01:28:05,310
Wow! OK. Um...
1846
01:28:05,341 --> 01:28:08,324
Wow! A lovely, lovely couple.
1847
01:28:08,355 --> 01:28:10,357
It's... It's such a pleasure to meet you.
1848
01:28:10,389 --> 01:28:14,351
You've raised...wow!
What an incredible woman!
1849
01:28:14,445 --> 01:28:16,322
Sorry, I'm Jack Strong.
1850
01:28:16,353 --> 01:28:19,366
We've been seeing each other
for a little bit now.
1851
01:28:19,398 --> 01:28:22,390
Well, I guess we're kind of on a break.
Pretty recent.
1852
01:28:22,421 --> 01:28:24,475
But I want you both to know
1853
01:28:24,507 --> 01:28:28,521
that I'm gonna take the best care
of your daughter that I can.
1854
01:28:29,303 --> 01:28:31,420
- She means the world to me.
- OK.
1855
01:28:31,451 --> 01:28:34,392
I uh... I gotta... I have a gun, son.
1856
01:28:34,423 --> 01:28:35,486
- OK, OK.
- No.
1857
01:28:35,518 --> 01:28:37,332
We're just gonna walk off.
1858
01:28:37,363 --> 01:28:39,334
- Are you kidding me?
- All right. No.
1859
01:28:39,365 --> 01:28:42,349
Taco salad train. Choo-choo!
1860
01:28:46,384 --> 01:28:48,448
Hey, where's Christina Aguilera?
1861
01:28:48,480 --> 01:28:50,419
This is false advertising!
1862
01:28:50,450 --> 01:28:52,327
Guys, she's coming, OK?
1863
01:28:52,359 --> 01:28:53,464
She's gonna be here soon.
1864
01:28:53,495 --> 01:28:56,529
Hey, uh...I saw your tweet.
1865
01:28:56,561 --> 01:28:58,490
Where's Xtina?
1866
01:28:58,521 --> 01:29:00,450
She's not gonna show up, is she?
1867
01:29:00,481 --> 01:29:02,379
You guys suck!
1868
01:29:02,410 --> 01:29:04,412
If Christina doesn't show soon...
1869
01:29:06,373 --> 01:29:08,468
..I'm gonna put your ass in another coma.
1870
01:29:08,500 --> 01:29:10,418
Count of three, bitch.
1871
01:29:10,450 --> 01:29:12,379
One, two...
1872
01:29:13,390 --> 01:29:15,423
- (groans)
- (shocked gasps from crowd)
1873
01:29:15,528 --> 01:29:17,468
(shocked gasps from crowd)
1874
01:29:19,345 --> 01:29:20,513
(squeals)
1875
01:29:20,544 --> 01:29:23,370
Look, honey, we love you.
1876
01:29:23,401 --> 01:29:25,393
We want you to graduate.
1877
01:29:25,424 --> 01:29:27,374
This is for you.
1878
01:29:28,385 --> 01:29:29,563
What is...
1879
01:29:30,460 --> 01:29:32,441
- No.
- Yep.
1880
01:29:32,473 --> 01:29:34,433
I love you so much,
but I'm not gonna let you
1881
01:29:34,464 --> 01:29:36,404
take apart your 401(k) for this.
1882
01:29:36,435 --> 01:29:37,478
I got this.
1883
01:29:37,509 --> 01:29:39,407
Honey, come on...
1884
01:29:41,440 --> 01:29:43,463
Hey! Hey!
1885
01:29:44,547 --> 01:29:46,559
- Eat gluten!
- I ain't allowed to have gluten!
1886
01:29:46,591 --> 01:29:48,384
Oh, my God!
1887
01:29:48,416 --> 01:29:49,510
Frank, do something!
1888
01:29:49,543 --> 01:29:52,378
- What am I gonna do?
- I don't know! Do something.
1889
01:29:52,409 --> 01:29:53,432
Come on, girls!
1890
01:29:53,463 --> 01:29:55,403
Ladies! Hey! Let's break it up!
1891
01:29:55,434 --> 01:29:56,623
(shocked gasps)
1892
01:29:58,395 --> 01:29:59,480
You!
1893
01:30:02,629 --> 01:30:06,403
(groans) Her skull is so strong.
1894
01:30:06,435 --> 01:30:08,478
Sweetheart, you were so brave.
1895
01:30:08,510 --> 01:30:11,533
That's my brave man. Come on,
let's go make love in the bathroom.
1896
01:30:11,565 --> 01:30:15,402
OK. I can't see, so...just lead me.
1897
01:30:15,433 --> 01:30:16,497
There we go.
1898
01:30:17,414 --> 01:30:19,521
No! Stop fighting, girls!
1899
01:30:19,552 --> 01:30:21,543
- Say night-night.
- No! No!
1900
01:30:21,575 --> 01:30:23,597
(yells) No!
1901
01:30:27,424 --> 01:30:28,551
Oh, boy!
1902
01:30:28,583 --> 01:30:30,605
- Oh, my God, Mom!
- Dee Dee!
1903
01:30:30,637 --> 01:30:33,421
- She got me in the biscuits!
- Oh, my God!
1904
01:30:33,452 --> 01:30:34,609
I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
1905
01:30:34,641 --> 01:30:37,498
You punched Dee Rock?
I'm gonna squish you like a grape!
1906
01:30:37,529 --> 01:30:41,439
Guys, stop it! Stop it! Stop it! God!
1907
01:30:41,471 --> 01:30:44,442
Ladies, we have enough stuff
to worry about as women.
1908
01:30:44,474 --> 01:30:47,477
- You shouldn't be fighting each other.
- I'm sorry, Dee Rock.
1909
01:30:47,508 --> 01:30:49,552
I'm sorry I punched you
in the mom boob.
1910
01:30:49,583 --> 01:30:51,574
- Tell each other sorry.
- I'm sorry, Dee Rock.
1911
01:30:51,606 --> 01:30:52,680
Thank you.
1912
01:30:53,587 --> 01:30:55,578
Would you care for a Kahlúa and cranberry?
1913
01:30:56,465 --> 01:30:57,549
Ew. That...
1914
01:30:57,580 --> 01:30:59,667
I would do it. I would do it. Yeah.
1915
01:31:00,542 --> 01:31:01,564
- OK.
- OK.
1916
01:31:01,596 --> 01:31:02,691
I want one.
1917
01:31:03,567 --> 01:31:05,453
Mom, are you OK?
1918
01:31:05,485 --> 01:31:06,674
She popped me right in the bosom.
1919
01:31:07,456 --> 01:31:09,458
I really got T-boned.
1920
01:31:09,489 --> 01:31:10,678
- Oh, Mom.
- You know, what...
1921
01:31:11,460 --> 01:31:12,638
What am I doing here?
1922
01:31:13,556 --> 01:31:16,548
I'm lying to these kids.
I'm taking their money. I...
1923
01:31:17,508 --> 01:31:18,602
I got this.
1924
01:31:18,634 --> 01:31:20,636
Hey, everybody, you know what?
1925
01:31:20,667 --> 01:31:21,699
Party's over.
1926
01:31:22,481 --> 01:31:24,598
Head on back to the door.
We're gonna give you a refund.
1927
01:31:24,629 --> 01:31:26,610
Christina Aguilera is in no way...
1928
01:31:26,642 --> 01:31:28,654
- Can I see you for a second?
- (they gasp)
1929
01:31:28,685 --> 01:31:30,594
God bless!
1930
01:31:31,667 --> 01:31:33,723
Leonor or Lenore...
1931
01:31:34,504 --> 01:31:35,662
you gotta stop doing that.
1932
01:31:35,693 --> 01:31:37,695
Can I see you for a second?
1933
01:31:37,727 --> 01:31:39,635
Now is not really a good time.
1934
01:31:39,666 --> 01:31:40,730
Outside! Now!
1935
01:31:41,512 --> 01:31:43,587
(whispers):
Don't make eye contact.
1936
01:31:43,701 --> 01:31:46,715
Look at me. Look me in my eyes.
1937
01:31:47,497 --> 01:31:48,685
- Look me in my eyes now.
- Debbie.
1938
01:31:48,717 --> 01:31:50,510
I'm scared.
1939
01:31:50,542 --> 01:31:52,575
Look. Look, look.
1940
01:31:52,606 --> 01:31:53,670
Come outside.
1941
01:31:53,701 --> 01:31:55,703
- Let's go!
- If I'm going, you're going.
1942
01:31:56,506 --> 01:31:57,747
- I don't wanna go.
- We're stronger as a group.
1943
01:31:59,062 --> 01:32:00,970
Leonor.
1944
01:32:03,045 --> 01:32:05,923
Leonor, what is going on?
1945
01:32:08,999 --> 01:32:10,928
Hey, guys. I'm Christina.
1946
01:32:11,032 --> 01:32:12,961
(shocked moans)
1947
01:32:12,992 --> 01:32:14,035
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, my God!
1948
01:32:14,066 --> 01:32:16,944
- I love you. I love you so much!
- I love you, too.
1949
01:32:16,976 --> 01:32:18,091
How is this happening?
1950
01:32:18,873 --> 01:32:22,064
I knew she wasn't playing at your party
cos Christina's my cousin.
1951
01:32:23,034 --> 01:32:24,952
We're more like sisters.
1952
01:32:24,984 --> 01:32:27,038
She always says that,
but we're just cousins.
1953
01:32:27,069 --> 01:32:28,112
Isn't she so funny?
1954
01:32:29,040 --> 01:32:33,075
That's what I'm always saying to you.
I'm always saying you're so funny.
1955
01:32:33,107 --> 01:32:36,100
I just can't kind of figure out
why you're doing this.
1956
01:32:36,881 --> 01:32:38,978
Because you're a good lady.
1957
01:32:39,009 --> 01:32:41,897
I mean, you're a sad, older lady
1958
01:32:41,929 --> 01:32:44,973
but you're still a good lady
that needs help.
1959
01:32:45,005 --> 01:32:46,120
CHRISTINA:
Us ladies gotta stick together.
1960
01:32:46,902 --> 01:32:49,061
She filled me in about,
you know, you being here.
1961
01:32:49,092 --> 01:32:52,950
- I support your cause. I wanna do this.
- Thank you. God, you're cool!
1962
01:32:52,981 --> 01:32:54,086
Where are we doing this thing?
1963
01:32:54,118 --> 01:32:56,130
Backyard.
We just put up some twinkle lights.
1964
01:32:56,912 --> 01:32:58,090
Love twinkle lights
but I've got my own lights.
1965
01:32:58,122 --> 01:33:00,072
Boys, bring 'em out. Let's go!
1966
01:33:00,103 --> 01:33:03,971
Donald, Craig, Jerry, let's go.
1967
01:33:06,098 --> 01:33:11,041
Ladies and gentlemen,
my cousin, Christina Aguilera.
1968
01:33:11,073 --> 01:33:12,939
Get it, girl!
1969
01:33:12,970 --> 01:33:14,994
(cheering)
1970
01:33:18,164 --> 01:33:20,051
♪ After all you put me through
1971
01:33:20,958 --> 01:33:22,981
♪ You'd think I'd despise you
1972
01:33:23,012 --> 01:33:25,098
♪ But in the end, I wanna thank you
1973
01:33:25,129 --> 01:33:27,079
♪ Because you've made me
that much stronger
1974
01:33:27,110 --> 01:33:29,175
♪ Well, I thought I knew you
1975
01:33:29,957 --> 01:33:32,053
♪ Thinkin' that you were true
1976
01:33:32,084 --> 01:33:34,127
♪ Guess I, I couldn't trust
- (shrieks)
1977
01:33:34,159 --> 01:33:36,036
♪ I called your bluff
- Oh, my God!
1978
01:33:36,067 --> 01:33:37,151
♪ Because I've had enough
1979
01:33:37,183 --> 01:33:40,019
♪ You were there by my side
1980
01:33:40,050 --> 01:33:42,146
♪ Always down for the ride
1981
01:33:42,177 --> 01:33:45,150
♪ But your joyride
just came down in flames
1982
01:33:45,181 --> 01:33:47,131
♪ Because your greed sold me out in shame
1983
01:33:47,162 --> 01:33:51,010
♪ Mm-hm, after all of
the stealing and cheating
1984
01:33:51,041 --> 01:33:54,117
♪ You probably think that
I hold resentment for you
1985
01:33:54,148 --> 01:33:58,173
♪ But uh-uh, oh no, you're wrong
1986
01:33:58,205 --> 01:34:01,020
♪ Because if it wasn't
for all that you tried to do
1987
01:34:01,051 --> 01:34:02,104
♪ I wouldn't know
1988
01:34:02,136 --> 01:34:05,066
♪ Just how capable I am to pull through
1989
01:34:05,983 --> 01:34:08,069
Yeah! We got it! You got the money!
1990
01:34:08,100 --> 01:34:11,040
♪ Because it makes me that much stronger
1991
01:34:11,072 --> 01:34:13,178
♪ Makes me work a little bit harder
1992
01:34:13,209 --> 01:34:16,066
♪ It makes me that much wiser
1993
01:34:16,098 --> 01:34:18,986
♪ So thanks for making me a fighter
1994
01:34:19,017 --> 01:34:21,019
This is the best night of my life!
1995
01:34:21,166 --> 01:34:23,168
♪ Made my skin a little bit thicker
1996
01:34:23,199 --> 01:34:26,088
♪ Makes me that
♪ Much smarter
1997
01:34:26,119 --> 01:34:29,122
♪ So thanks for making me a fighter
1998
01:34:29,153 --> 01:34:31,082
(cheering)
1999
01:34:43,188 --> 01:34:44,210
Just a minute.
2000
01:34:44,241 --> 01:34:46,222
It seems... I got it now.
2001
01:34:46,254 --> 01:34:48,047
- Got it?
- Yeah.
2002
01:34:49,069 --> 01:34:51,113
May I just have a minute?
2003
01:34:51,144 --> 01:34:55,169
I just... I wanted to thank you
for giving me a second chance.
2004
01:34:55,200 --> 01:34:56,265
It means a lot to me.
2005
01:34:57,046 --> 01:35:00,101
Of course. It's only because
it's a requirement to pass the course.
2006
01:35:00,133 --> 01:35:02,083
That and the fact
you're my favourite student.
2007
01:35:02,114 --> 01:35:04,241
- Well...
- Break a leg.
2008
01:35:04,273 --> 01:35:06,160
- Well...
- Let's hope not.
2009
01:35:06,191 --> 01:35:07,234
Yeah, sorry.
2010
01:35:07,265 --> 01:35:10,154
Um...Deanna Miles, everybody.
2011
01:35:11,040 --> 01:35:12,083
Thank you.
2012
01:35:14,189 --> 01:35:17,129
Also, this is here if you need it.
2013
01:35:17,161 --> 01:35:18,245
Thank you.
2014
01:35:18,276 --> 01:35:20,278
(she clears throat)
2015
01:35:23,073 --> 01:35:24,178
Hello.
2016
01:35:30,121 --> 01:35:35,074
March 25th, 2014, historian Albert...
2017
01:35:35,252 --> 01:35:42,072
Albrecht Rümschtein announced
that the burial tomb of Attila the Hun
2018
01:35:42,103 --> 01:35:44,282
had been discovered in Budapest, Hungary.
2019
01:35:45,137 --> 01:35:46,295
Now, the...
2020
01:35:49,131 --> 01:35:51,310
- (whispers): Sorry about your eye.
- Yeah, it's fine.
2021
01:35:52,092 --> 01:35:53,104
Hi!
2022
01:35:53,135 --> 01:35:55,106
- It's for her.
- That's my mom.
2023
01:35:55,262 --> 01:35:58,150
It's important for her.
It's emotional support.
2024
01:35:58,182 --> 01:35:59,256
I'll give you five bucks.
2025
01:35:59,287 --> 01:36:01,247
OK, thanks. OK.
2026
01:36:02,238 --> 01:36:04,177
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
2027
01:36:06,231 --> 01:36:08,192
I'm so sorry for the interruption.
2028
01:36:08,223 --> 01:36:10,341
- These are my sorority sisters.
- Oh.
2029
01:36:11,122 --> 01:36:12,343
Hey. It's me, Helen.
2030
01:36:13,125 --> 01:36:14,157
I know.
2031
01:36:14,188 --> 01:36:15,335
(whispers): He knows that.
2032
01:36:17,191 --> 01:36:19,110
(whispers): You got this, Mom.
2033
01:36:21,206 --> 01:36:23,229
(clears her throat)
2034
01:36:24,292 --> 01:36:28,296
A group of archaeologists
using carbon dating
2035
01:36:28,327 --> 01:36:32,175
proved that the grave was in fact a hoax.
2036
01:36:32,206 --> 01:36:35,334
There were so many scientists involved
that it was...
2037
01:36:38,212 --> 01:36:40,350
..it was standing tomb only.
2038
01:36:41,132 --> 01:36:43,259
- Whoo!
- (girls laugh)
2039
01:36:45,157 --> 01:36:48,149
Thank you. I wasn't sure about that one.
2040
01:36:48,369 --> 01:36:51,383
- Now I hope that you're all Hungary...
- (laughter)
2041
01:36:52,165 --> 01:36:53,301
..for some facts
2042
01:36:53,332 --> 01:36:58,150
because I'm about to give you
the thrilla about Attila.
2043
01:36:58,181 --> 01:37:00,267
- (laughter)
- Guys, that's my mom. She's killing it!
2044
01:37:00,298 --> 01:37:02,248
- (cheering)
- Go, Dee!
2045
01:37:06,231 --> 01:37:07,378
(whoops)
2046
01:37:10,349 --> 01:37:12,372
OK, guys, thanks.
2047
01:37:13,332 --> 01:37:16,241
Number one, there was
no Professor Rümschtein.
2048
01:37:16,272 --> 01:37:17,410
Complete, complete hoax.
2049
01:37:18,191 --> 01:37:20,172
This person didn't exist, PR fact.
2050
01:37:20,203 --> 01:37:22,269
I know. I was shocked
when I found out, too.
2051
01:37:23,311 --> 01:37:25,418
These young men and women
comport themselves
2052
01:37:26,200 --> 01:37:28,233
with astounding grace and wisdom.
2053
01:37:28,264 --> 01:37:30,391
Every one of them
brings tremendous pride
2054
01:37:30,423 --> 01:37:33,186
to this hallowed institution.
2055
01:37:33,217 --> 01:37:34,343
And on a personal note,
2056
01:37:34,374 --> 01:37:38,316
I will say that the future of this world
is in pretty good hands.
2057
01:37:38,347 --> 01:37:42,216
You may now move your tassels to the left.
2058
01:37:42,247 --> 01:37:48,263
Congratulations to Decatur University's
graduating class of 2018.
2059
01:37:48,295 --> 01:37:50,265
(cheering)
2060
01:37:50,297 --> 01:37:51,412
Whoo!
2061
01:37:53,447 --> 01:37:55,449
- Hey, Christine!
- Hey!
2062
01:37:56,230 --> 01:37:58,273
- Congratulations!
- Proud of you!
2063
01:37:58,306 --> 01:37:59,338
- Thank you.
- I love you.
2064
01:37:59,369 --> 01:38:00,412
I love you, too.
2065
01:38:00,443 --> 01:38:02,435
Come on.
Let's go make love in the science lab.
2066
01:38:03,217 --> 01:38:04,405
OK. Be right back.
2067
01:38:04,437 --> 01:38:05,448
OK.
2068
01:38:06,230 --> 01:38:07,461
Hey, Mom! Hi.
2069
01:38:08,243 --> 01:38:10,380
- I'm so proud!
- Congrats, baby.
2070
01:38:10,411 --> 01:38:12,413
- Thank you for coming.
- Look at our girl.
2071
01:38:12,445 --> 01:38:14,384
Sweetheart!
2072
01:38:14,415 --> 01:38:16,345
- Congrats.
- Thank you, honey.
2073
01:38:16,376 --> 01:38:17,439
- I'm ready.
- You look great!
2074
01:38:17,471 --> 01:38:19,306
I'm so proud of you guys.
2075
01:38:19,337 --> 01:38:22,455
You two have made an old man very happy.
2076
01:38:23,237 --> 01:38:26,365
My daughter, my granddaughter,
both got a degree today.
2077
01:38:26,396 --> 01:38:28,294
Screw you, Dan!
2078
01:38:28,325 --> 01:38:29,368
- Dad!
- Grandpa!
2079
01:38:29,399 --> 01:38:31,266
- What?
- Hey.
2080
01:38:31,297 --> 01:38:33,435
I'm starving. Can we please
go to Mike and Sandy's house?
2081
01:38:33,467 --> 01:38:36,428
You know what?
We'll catch up with you in a minute.
2082
01:38:36,459 --> 01:38:39,452
But I just want...
just a moment here with my girl.
2083
01:38:39,483 --> 01:38:41,423
- OK, babe.
- Sure, honey.
2084
01:38:42,497 --> 01:38:44,467
- Bye.
- You get out.
2085
01:38:44,499 --> 01:38:46,313
(laughs)
2086
01:38:50,380 --> 01:38:53,351
Look at us! Couple of college grads, huh!
2087
01:38:53,383 --> 01:38:55,468
Mom, you did it. You got your degree.
2088
01:38:55,499 --> 01:38:57,459
I'm so proud of you.
2089
01:38:58,440 --> 01:39:00,275
I'm proud of me, too.
2090
01:39:00,306 --> 01:39:02,277
But I'm really proud of you.
2091
01:39:02,308 --> 01:39:04,383
I hope you soak it all in.
This is your big day.
2092
01:39:04,414 --> 01:39:07,313
I will. Wait, you didn't throw your hat!
2093
01:39:07,344 --> 01:39:09,483
I think there were so many people
2094
01:39:09,514 --> 01:39:12,496
and I just want to keep it
as a memento for my alma mater.
2095
01:39:12,528 --> 01:39:14,446
You can keep it, but you gotta throw it.
2096
01:39:14,477 --> 01:39:18,325
- You don't wanna jinx it.
- OK. I don't wanna jinx myself.
2097
01:39:18,356 --> 01:39:19,524
- Yeah, already.
- All right, here goes!
2098
01:39:20,306 --> 01:39:21,349
Whoo!
2099
01:39:21,474 --> 01:39:24,342
(cries out in pain)
2100
01:39:24,467 --> 01:39:26,354
- Oh, my God.
- Who did that?
2101
01:39:26,385 --> 01:39:28,491
Marcie, the earring. It's gone.
2102
01:39:28,523 --> 01:39:30,368
That's a half-carat.
2103
01:39:30,400 --> 01:39:32,412
- Don't move.
- You're such a fool.
2104
01:39:32,443 --> 01:39:33,507
- We should go.
- OK.
2105
01:39:33,538 --> 01:39:35,457
Excuse me!
2106
01:39:38,408 --> 01:39:40,431
♪ MEGHAN TRAINOR: Woman Up
2107
01:39:41,411 --> 01:39:43,350
♪ Put your favourite heels on
2108
01:39:43,487 --> 01:39:45,426
♪ Cos they make you feel strong
2109
01:39:45,509 --> 01:39:47,407
♪ When you're lookin' good
2110
01:39:47,439 --> 01:39:49,482
♪ You know you're gonna have a good time
2111
01:39:50,410 --> 01:39:52,339
♪ Don't forget mascara
2112
01:39:52,464 --> 01:39:54,477
♪ And to keep your head up
2113
01:39:55,332 --> 01:39:56,375
♪ Like Madonna would
2114
01:39:56,406 --> 01:39:58,418
♪ Rub her lipstick redder than wine
2115
01:39:58,450 --> 01:39:59,576
♪ So let's go
2116
01:40:00,358 --> 01:40:02,370
♪ Roll your bumper and whine slow
2117
01:40:02,401 --> 01:40:04,383
♪ Show the world you can shine, glow
2118
01:40:04,414 --> 01:40:05,457
♪ Cos you got the light now
2119
01:40:05,488 --> 01:40:06,530
♪ You got the light now
2120
01:40:06,562 --> 01:40:07,584
♪ Ow!
2121
01:40:08,366 --> 01:40:09,565
♪ All my girls raise your hand
2122
01:40:10,347 --> 01:40:12,422
♪ If you don't need a man
2123
01:40:12,453 --> 01:40:14,476
♪ Cos you're more than good enough
2124
01:40:15,362 --> 01:40:16,583
♪ You gotta woman up, woman up
2125
01:40:17,364 --> 01:40:19,398
♪ Don't matter what you've been through
2126
01:40:19,429 --> 01:40:21,567
♪ Just make them remember you
2127
01:40:21,599 --> 01:40:24,393
♪ This one for all my girls
2128
01:40:24,424 --> 01:40:26,447
♪ My girls who woman up, woman up
2129
01:40:27,500 --> 01:40:28,585
♪ Woman up, woman up
2130
01:40:29,492 --> 01:40:31,504
♪ Woman up, woman up
2131
01:40:31,609 --> 01:40:34,382
♪ Woman up, woman up
2132
01:40:35,435 --> 01:40:37,479
♪ Don't matter what you've been through
2133
01:40:37,510 --> 01:40:40,388
♪ Just make them remember you
2134
01:40:40,420 --> 01:40:42,453
♪ This one for all my girls
2135
01:40:42,484 --> 01:40:44,465
♪ My girls who woman up, woman up
2136
01:40:44,497 --> 01:40:46,519
♪ All my girls, raise your hand
2137
01:40:46,551 --> 01:40:49,408
♪ If you don't need a man
2138
01:40:49,439 --> 01:40:51,524
♪ Cos you're more than good enough
2139
01:40:51,556 --> 01:40:53,569
♪ You gotta woman up, woman up
2140
01:40:53,600 --> 01:40:55,550
♪ Don't matter what you've been through
2141
01:40:55,581 --> 01:40:58,480
♪ Just make them remember you
2142
01:40:58,512 --> 01:41:00,555
♪ This one for all my girls
2143
01:41:00,586 --> 01:41:02,609
♪ For girls who woman up, woman up
2144
01:44:24,828 --> 01:44:26,830
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