Original subtitles

Thank you, Hobbs. Your Lordship.

You've done it now, Algie.

I thought you were joking when you said you were opening up

Erpington Hall to common riff-raff,

but I've just seen the staff making up the rooms.

They're not riff-raff, they're paying guests, Sis.

I'm the Earl of Arden not you, it's up to me to

diversify the estate's business.

Daddy will be turning in his grave.

Well, Hobbs thought it was a good idea.

Oh, did he now?

We have a family reputation to uphold

and I'll be damned if you destroy it with this ridiculous venture. Wh...

You've put me off my dippy egg!

Ah, you must be the French Polisher.

What? Oh, yeah, that's me.

You'd best be as good as you say you are.

I need this job completed, as soon as possible.

And everything's included, the food,

all the drink, there's even a five course dinner.

I wish I had someone to whisk me away on a mini break at

a posh country manor.

Sounds dead boring to me.

What are you and Annie doing this weekend?

Pie and pint at the Mucky Mallard? No.

Oh, Cassius, great. If we get moving now, we can beat the traffic.

Actually, Luella, I'm not going to be able to make it.

Work called, they need me in Brussels for an important meeting

and I can't get out of it. They've already booked the Eurostar.

Oh, right...

Can you move the mini break to another weekend?

That's the thing, you see,

it's non-refundable and nontransferable.

Maybe you should go anyway?

It might be just what you need. Look, my taxi is waiting,

I just wanted to tell you in person. OK.I'll call you later.

I mean, he's right, you could still go.

Bit sad, on my own?

Did you say that all the food and drink was included?

Oh, wow!

I still don't get why you got rid of the Mini.

Yeah, I do miss Lu Lu,

but Cassius says that electric is progressive.

Don't tell me you didn't enjoy those heated seats.

That's why my bum was so warm. Felt like I'd wet myself.

- Sir, Madam. - Hi.

Welcome to Erpington Hall. Allow me.

Oh, oh, thank you. I could get used to this!

GASPS

Welcome to my humble abode. I'm Lord Algernon Erpington,

13th Earl of Arden. Oh, you don't need to do that.

You can call me Algie. You must be Luella.

Yes...

You don't... Right.

Sorry, I don't know why I did that.

It's very kind. And Cassius?

Well, actually I'm... Yes.

Yep, It's nontransferable, remember.

Cassius Marchant, at your service.

Now the other guests have already arrived,

so I'm sure you're eager to get started.

Sorry, get started?

My apologies, how remiss.

Hobbs will give you the full weekend itinerary,

and everything you'll be tested on.

Tested?

"School of Etiquette"?

Did you know about this? Course not.

Well, Cassius must have been told when he booked.

- Not necessarily. - Cassius? Luella? - Do come in, don't be shy.

Rule number one. So, as you all know,

you're my first batch of students. Hopefully not my last!

First off,

we'll be looking at how to address various ranks of people,

including the aristocracy.

Each mannequin is a different position in society.

Take a look and decide on the correct sobriquet by which

to address them. On your "Marquis", get set, go.

FORCED LAUGHTER

This is not creepy at all.

AMERICAN SOUTHERN ACCENT: Well, butter my buns and call me a biscuit.

You're a biscuit.

Can you believe we're in a real-life English castle?

I'm guessing you're not from Stratford?

Oh, bless your heart no, I'm from Abbeyville, Georgia.

I'm here to learn me the skills I need to find myself

a refined, English gentleman.

So, less Rhett Butler and more Mr Darcy, eh?

I can't make head nor tail of this lot.

I mean, how am I supposed to know if that's a Duke or an Earl?

Are you...? you're Dennis Small, aren't you?

The guy with the plastering firm? The one with the adverts.

"Call Small, and quality is guaranteed"!

Guilty as charged. Mind you, I sold

the business earlier this year. Always said I'd be

a millionaire one day. Yeah, what you doing here at an etiquette school?

Moving in fancy circles now, love.

But if I'm gonna be taken seriously by these toffs,

- I need to know this stuff. - Ooh!

Oh! Spider?

Yes, it is a spider dear, yes. There. Oh, no,

no, it's gone. You're fine, you're fine.

Goodness, Cassius!

What a strange collection,

and I'm not referring to the mannequins.

FORCED LAUGHTER

Good one Sis. Everyone, this is my sister, Minty.

Lady Araminta Erpington.

It is such an honour to meet you, ma'am.

You better not disturb my man with this charade. Off you go.

I'm not really sure why you need a French polisher

so urgently.

Someone might say you're trying to sabotage my classes.

Oh, Algie, such a vivid imagination.

But someone needs to take care of this place.

Hobbs, a word in the parlour. Now.

Apologies for the interruption. Let's start with the Marquis.

What's Spider doing here?

He's not French polishing, that's for sure.

Luella? Cassius?

Afterwards, Hobbs will show you to your room.

- Rooms. - Room.

I can't believe it's 550 quid for another room.

I know. Makes you wonder how much

Cassius spent on the weekend, doesn't it?

Oh, I messaged him about the whole etiquette school thing.

He said he thought it would be a fun surprise for me.

Strange idea of fun. Oh, come on, let's just get out of here.

We ought to leave it at least

a night. He's been to a lot of trouble.

And then there's the five course dinner... Hm?

Although that did say formal dress.

You got anything smart to wear? Do you own anything smart?

DOOR CREAKS

Spider?

Oh...

Boo! Hard at work polishing, I see?

Lady What's-er-face hired me all hush-hush, like.

Hence that stuff over there.

You on a job too, Frank?

No, I'm pretending to be Lu's boyfriend for the night.

Hm... Fair enough.

Thing is, I need to find some posh clothes for dinner.

There's a load of old suits in that cupboard over there.

I bet nobody would notice if you borrowed something.

Hey!

So, Spider didn't say what he was up to?

No, he was a bit vague. You know what he's like.

Are you ready yet?

I look stupid.

Oh, I'm sure you can't look that... Oh! Ho-ho!

I mean... I don't know why they make these things so scratchy.

Just must be what they wear in the country.

GONG SOUNDS Oh! It's dinner.

Would you care to join me?

Why, yes, sir.

Mm-wah! Nice.

Glad that you clearly enjoyed that, Dennis.

For the next course,

we move inwards to your largest knife and fork.

What we having?

Venison. Now you're talking!

All the meat comes from the estate, I actually bagged this one myself.

Well, ain't that the cat's meow!

I'm about to eat a meal caught by an honest-to-goodness Earl.

I'm sure it must be

a novelty not eating something bought from a convenience store.

Minty! My daddy had me hunting swamp rabbits since I was knee-high

to a grasshopper. But to take something like a deer?

Well, that's more of an art form than a sport.

Exactly. Thank you, Tiffany-Jo.

Ah! A good host is always mindful

of his guest's dietary requirements, Cassius.

Oh! Ha-ha!

Enjoy.

Looks like lover boy told them we were both vegans.

I am. Trying to be. This looks lovely.

Not so close, Hobbs. I can hear you breathing.

So, is this the kind of grub I can expect at

the Haverley Club, then, Algie?

Our private member's club? You?

Does the billiard room need re-plastering?

It's exactly as I feared.

Our home has been sullied by

tradespeople who think they're above their station,

a man who appears to have fleas,

and some hick who's named like a stripper!

Is that you or Tiffany- Jo?

Please don't be rude to our guests.

They're not my guests they're yours.

There is a hierarchy

and a class system in place for a reason.

You can't just tear the whole thing down!

Minty! CUTLERY RATTLES Oh!

I won't hear another word, please leave the room,

before I do something I regret.

Don't even think about it.

There's some good characters here, mate.

There's no reason why this school can't flourish.

Lady Araminta certainly put

- a dampener on things. - Mm.

What you reading? I found it on the side.

It's a profile piece on Algie and the estate.

Did you know it's over 10,000 acres?

That explains why the staff have to use golf buggies to get around.

Yeah. According to this, it was all yacht parties

and polo until his dad died five years ago.

But get this, Lady Araminta is the older sibling,

but she can't inherit because she's a woman. Outrageous!

That explains the stick up her... GONG SOUNDS

Time to retire, I think. Great day.

I can't believe we're sharing a room.

We've done all night stakeouts before. It'll be fine.

You better not snore!

SHE SNORES LOUDLY

Lu... Lu!

Sh! Sh!

SHE CONTINUES SNORING

Argh!

MORE SNORING

Morning. Morning. Did you sleep well?

Oh, like a log.

Log cutter more like.

Oh, Cassius, I don't think those sausages are vegan.

When are we going to get some proper food?!

Come on, Hobbs.

What are you doing? That's honey.

That's the maple syrup, what's wrong with you today?

- I'm so sorry, my Lord. - Oh, don'tworry, I'll do it actually.

Honey brings me out in a terrible rash.

Honestly, allergies. They are the bane of my life.

LOUD FEMALE SCREAM

Algie...

Frank Hathaway at an etiquette school? I've seen it all now.

They think he's Cassius.

Your boyfriend?

This day just gets better and better.

Now, go wait with the others in the library.

No, we can help you.

What do you think?

Intruder? Interrupted burglary? There's no CCTV.

No, which is ridiculous, in a place like this.

But there's no sign of forced entry, so...

Get your hands off me. That's police brutality, that is!

Well, well, well, Dylan Dekker?

What is it they call you in South Wales again? The Cockroach?

It's Spider!

And I'm meant to be here, all right?

And what are you meant to be here doing?

Er... German polishing.

And you were doing that throughout the night, were you?

Well, it was a really big scratch.

Just ask Lady Araminta, she'll vouch for me.

I really don't think she will, given she's been murdered.

What? How?

Well, I'm hoping you can help me out with that.

No, you can't think Spider did it?

- Nah, he wouldn't hurt a fly. - Oi! - Pun intended.

Ah, yeah, I forgot. He's one of your dodgy associates,

isn't he? Was he here, working for you?

Well... Spider's not the type to rob

and kill someone... I mean, look at him. He's...

Killers come in all shapes and sizes,

you should know that, Hathaway.

And his story is about as believable as you being her good-looking

boyfriend. You're under arrest, butt.

Frank? Lu?

Do you really think someone staying here did it?

There's no sign of forced entry

and we both know Spider didn't do it.

I'm just so sorry. I don't know what to say.

Thank you, Dennis, there's not much to say.

Here you go honey, strong,

sweet tea with a splash of cognac.

It's what I take when I've had myself a fright.

That's what my Nanny... Nanny Kitty used to make.

I assume the rest of the course is cancelled now, mate?

No... No,

a good host does not abandon his guests.

Stiff upper lip and all that. Um... We must soldier on.

Are you sure? It might do Algie

a world of good to stay busy, have folks around?

Indeed. Then it's decided.

We will resume the etiquette classes.

Mm...

Keep your eyes peeled for anything odd.

Perfect, Tiffany-Jo.

MOBILE VIBRATES

Ooh... Probably a cold caller. It could be Spider.

Ooh... Sorry.

Terribly sorry,

it's the pet-sitter calling about the... Cat... dog.

The dog that we call Cat. Kitty-cat.

- Right. - Katty-poo.

- Excuse us. - Sorry.

- Sorry. - Sorry.

It's Spider. You've got to help me.

I will, but first you've got

to tell us what you were really doing here.

And don't say waxing a table.

OK. Her Ladyship's dad moved loads of money into

an offshore bank account, so her

and her brother would avoid inheritance tax.

But he died before he could give them the access.

So, Lady Araminta hired you to hack into it for her?

I'm through the firewalls and encryptions.

I had one personal password left.

A brute force approach would've taken ages,

so I went for a dictionary attack.

He gets a list of words relevant to the person.

Birthdays, favourite pet, that sort of thing.

Exactly. So, I ran variations of them all.

So why couldn't you just tell the police this?

Because it's highly illegal. Computer misuse,

fraud, that could be ten years in prison.

Spider, did you notice anything odd yesterday?

Well, actually Lady Araminta came in after dinner,

all stressed, like. She ripped up a piece of paper,

and she chucked it in the fireplace.

I'll look into it.

Thanks, and no pressure, guys,

but this face is too pretty for jail.

So Lady Araminta was stressed after dinner?

Yeah, well, Algie did throw her out,

"before I do something I regret", remember?

Now you go and see what you can get out of him,

and I'll see if I can find this piece of paper that she tore up.

What are you looking at?

If you can manage to traverse the full length of the room,

you can join Dennis and Tiffany-Jo mastering the stairs. OK?

OK.

Well done.

Oh! Sorry.

No, no, don't worry. Hobbs, let's do a demonstration.

Watch closely, Luella.

Shoulders back, head up. Follow me.

You know, in my day job I'm actually a Private Investigator.

Really? How thrilling.

So I could actually look into what happened,

with your sister, if you like? There's no need,

they've already caught the dodgy French polisher chap.

Ah, you see, he's actually an IT expert.

Araminta hired him

to look into your dad's offshore account.

Oops-a-daisy.

I told her I was handling it!

My lawyers were petitioning the bank,

they warned me it could take years.

Clearly, Minty took it into her own hands and it backfired.

Hm... You seemed a bit cross with her last night?

She was being a terrible snob.

She's always been resentful of my business ideas,

and me most of the time.

I don't blame her,

it must have been hard, watching me inherit.

Hm. Did you see her after dinner?

We patched things up.

She even agreed to help me teach the dance lessons later.

I don't know what I'm going to do without her.

Excuse me, I need to go check on the others.

I wonder if I could speak to some of

the staff about what happened to Lady Araminta?

The help doesn't speak to guests, Miss Shakespeare.

Really? What, even if there's been a murder?

Leave it to the police, madam.

His Lordship doesn't need any further upset.

Do you believe Algie?

I believe he's upset about his sister.

She might have been a bit stuck up but she's family,

isn't she? I don't know what I'd do if something happened to Lia.

Oh, by the way, I'm bringing Annie to the wedding.

Oh, are you?

I'll be like a third wheel with you and Cassius.

Besides, I've got a double room so, everyone's a winner.

You don't think it'll give her the wrong impression?

No, it was Annie's idea to keep things casual.

There you go.

It's an application form.

- For the Haverley Club. - Mm.

- Hi. - Dennis...

Hey. All that book balancing made me peckish. Do you want one?

Oh, yeah... Urgh...

- No, thanks. - I asked the cookif she had any ketchup,

she looked at me like I'd grown a third head!

I've got a long way to go before I fit into places like this.

Maybe joining one of those private member's clubs would help.

You mentioned one last night, didn't you? Didn't he, darling?

- Erm, the Haddesly? - The Haverley. - Me and Algie had an arrangement,

I'd try out his etiquette school, maybe invest in it,

and he'd support my application for the Club.

The Erpington family have sway, they practically founded the place.

Sounds quite important to you.

My old mum was a cleaner there. I always told her,

"One day I'm going to become a member,"

and that's how I'd know I'd really made it.

I'm sure she'd be very proud of you as it is.

Lady Araminta didn't seem

to like the idea of you joining though?

I don't want to talk ill of the dead,

but she was a snooty cow.

I had a Club application form all ready to go,

but Araminta snatched it out of my hand.

Said she wouldn't let her brother sully the family name like that.

- Gosh, must have made you angry. Yes! - Oh!- But I wasn'tthe one that brained her.

I went to ask her to reconsider.

- But there was already someone in her room with her. - Who?

I don't know, the door was closed.

But Araminta was having a right go.

Sirs, madam, the dance class is about to begin.

I thought they didn't have a teacher.

Bonjour, I am Mademoiselle Audrey Le Beau.

And we are very lucky to have her at such short notice.

Today we're going to be learning the waltz.

Mademoiselle Le Beau and I will be doing a demonstration.

Stevens, music, please.

You're sure Bea can do this?

It says on her CV she can do ballroom, Latin and tap.

It also says she's a champion weightlifter.

MUSIC BEGINS

I take it back.

APPLAUSE

Hobbs? Sorry, Stevens, off with the music, thank you.

I'm sorry, my Lord,

But I ordered the maids to straighten

the study as requested

and... show His Lordship what you found.

That's like yours.

It's Minty's family ring. She never took it off.

What's on it?

Wax.

It was hidden in here.

That's that fake French polisher's bag.

Algie, mate, you need to call the police, now.

So I'm definitely free to go?

For now, yes.

But, Mr Dekker, if I was you, I would not leave town, yeah?

MOBILE RINGS

DS Keeler? What?

Oi. Get him back here, now.

MUSIC PLAYS

So whoever planted that ring has made it look like Spider robbed

and killed Lady Araminta-a-a-h-h...

I wish we knew who she was arguing with.

Yeah, me too.

I tell you what,

quality dancing is not guaranteed with Dennis.

Aw! My toes!

OK. I think that's probably

a good place to leave it for the day.

Hey, wonderful dancing, Mademoiselle Bea.

Merci. I'll find out what I can from the staff.

In a house this big,

nothing much happens without the help knowing.

It's no worse than a tick on a hound dog.

Besides, I'm more of

a Latin girl myself, especially the rhumba.

- Me too. - No.

Who knew those two would have so much in common.

Maybe a bit too much.

You see, this profile piece on

Algie tells you everything about him,

tells you he loves rhumba,

how he thinks hunting is an artform,

even tells you his favourite drink...

- Milky tea with cognac. - Urgh!

What's the betting, Tiffany-Jo has read this,

maybe even before she came,

and she's been using it to get close to him.

And if Araminta realised what she was doing.

Oh, yeah, she wouldn't like it,

and maybe that's who she was rowing with!

We need to talk to her. Yeah, you talk to her alone.

- Why? - You know, you can bond overboys and lipstick colour,

that sort of stuff, you know.

No Algie? He's gone to fetch me

a cup of tea. He's such a gentleman.

Yeah, he's very handsome, isn't he?

Yes, ma'am. He's finer than frog hair split four ways.

Is that a thing? Is it?

You two seem to have quite the connection.

I mean, it obviously helps having

a little bit of inside information.

Don't worry, no judgment here. Honestly,

you should see some of

the rubbish I've written on my online dating profile.

So I picked up a few things. It's nothing worth fussing over.

Although I don't suppose Araminta felt like that?

I did hear you having a bit of a to-do last night in her room.

She called me a gold-digging trollop.

What even is a trollop?

So I told her she was a passionless,

unlovable witch who would always be alone.

Ouch. It seemed to really get to her. She got madder than a wet hen.

That mad, eh? Yeah,

I suppose she was becoming a bit of a problem for you.

Nah, I had it all planned.

I was going to knock on Algie's door in the middle of

the night, claiming I had had a nightmare!

Oh, yes, that's very good, because his Nanny Kitty used

to comfort him when he had bad dreams.

And Nanny Kitty meant a lot to him, didn't she?

I waited until about 1am,

but when I got out of bed I saw Araminta out of my window.

What? Outside? She was running towards the house.

I did not want to risk another fight so I just went on back to sleep.

Reckoned I could play

the damsel in distress another time.

For the injured soldier. I made it myself.

Honey! Did you burn yourself?

Ah, no, it's fine,

it's fine. I'm not totally au fait with a kettle.

Maybe I should have accepted your offer of help.

Apparently,

that chap they arrested is on the run.

They were at my boat looking for me.

I panicked, I didn't know where else to go.

What, and you thought returning to the scene of

the crime was the best idea?

I'm going to prison, aren't I?

We just need to find you somewhere to lie low, while me

and Lu sort it out.

And I know the perfect hiding place. Come on.

Spider's back? Where is he?

Somewhere safe.

But we need to solve this before Keeler finds him.

What's with the question mark?

Ah, well, according to Tiffany-Jo,

Lady Araminta was seen wandering around

the grounds sometime after midnight.

- I think she was probably meeting someone. - Who?

Well, we don't know, do we, cos there's no CCTV,

so there's no way of finding out. Yes, there is.

You ask the staff for the gossip.

Araminta regularly had late-night rendezvous in the stables.

A steamy affair, rolling about in the hay?

With a strong,

brooding silent type, capable hands.

Yeah, all right, Jilly Cooper.

Do the staff know who she was seeing?

Gareth Hobbs.

- The butler? - AKA The strong, broodingsilent type.

And he was off his game this morning,

do you remember? He kept making mistakes, like with the honey?

Maybe there was trouble in paradise.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Miss Shakespeare, Mr Marchant.

Calamine lotion for his Lordship's sore hand.

It's a remedy Nanny Kitty always favoured.

I'm sure Algie won't mind waiting a minute or two.

We'd love to have a word with you about something.

We know about your affair with Araminta.

- Fling, was it? - No, it was more thanthat, we were in love.

My dad was the Valet to the 12th Earl,

and I was expected to follow in his footsteps.

And Algie's a good bloke.

But Minty she wound me up so much.

And then one day,

all that hatred turned into something else.

Underneath the icy exterior, she was a... beautiful,

passionate, amazing woman.

Sorry.

It must have been hard to keep it a secret.

It was.

Um, that's why I'd decided to leave his Lordship's service.

We were going travelling together. Really?

Now, I don't know much about investigating...

Nothing.

...but it looked like she despised you.

We'd had a fight. Minty needed more time

to get the money to come away

and I'd assumed she'd just ask Algie.

But then I realised, she wasn't planning on telling him about us.

Oh, you thought you were going public?

But she was still keeping me a dirty little secret.

We'd arranged to meet in the stables as usual,

but I went back to my room and I got drunk instead.

If...

If I hadn't, then maybe she wouldn't have been...

Um... I woke up late the next day with a hangover,

and I didn't see she'd sent me this until after she was found.

"I don't want to end up alone. No more hiding,

"I'm telling everyone the truth.

"I love you."

Sent just after 1am.

She'd chosen me.

And I lost her anyway.

Uh... Excuse me, His Lordship needs this.

Uh... Bless him.

Sorry, do you mind if I, um...?

Look at this.

Oh! Well, that must mean...

Yes. But why?

We need to find Spider.

Where exactly did you hide him?

Oh! All right, Luella? How's it going?

One tip - do not wear coloured socks on the tennis courts.

I will not let you down, Algie, don't you worry.

Hey, hey! Guess who just became

a partner in the Erpington School of Etiquette!

And secured his membership at the Haverley Club.

Ah, Dennis, I really wish you hadn't done that.

It was Algie who killed his sister.

What?!

I beg your pardon?

I'm terribly sorry, old chap.

Clearly, they've been at Nanny Kitty's gin.

Will you give us a moment?

I demand to know what you meant by that.

Did you get some calamine lotion for that hand?

Needs it, doesn't it, Frank? Oh, sorry, this is Frank.

Yeah, I'm her business partner.

Not Cassius, her PARTNER partner.

So you've been lying to me this whole time.

- Snap! - Yeah, I mean, that's nota burn from the kettle,

is it? It's contact dermatitis.

Which is a rash that develops

when you touch something you shouldn't.

Like what, for pity's sake?

Did you know your staff use beeswax-free polish?

You said you were allergic to honey.

That usually includes all bee products.

And they obviously didn't want you to react, so...

But the tub from the French polishing kit was 100% beeswax.

Yeah, so when you planted your sister's ring in it, you reacted.

Er, literally got caught red-handed!

Oh, yeah!

HE SCOFFS

Why on earth would I hurt my own sister?

Araminta was in love with Hobbs, wasn't she?

We think she told you that last night.

You found out they were going to go travelling together

and that she was going to take the money out of your dad's

offshore account to pay for it.

You were terrified it would reveal the truth.

- What truth? - That you had alreadycleared out the accounts.

That's the chap the police are looking for.

No, sorry that's Spider. He's with us.

And he's cracked the password.

- Impossible. - Er, no, just harder than expected.

See, I'd been working with words that were important to your dad.

But you'd already changed the password, hadn't you, Algie?

So we gave Spider a new list.

With words that had meaning for you.

Um, out of interest, what was it?

Er, it was Tinny Tank.

It was a variation of Nanny Kitty.

- Aaaah! - Aaaah!

There were loads of withdrawals, all to accounts in his name.

I needed it to bail out a failed business investment.

I kept thinking I could replace it.

Which is why you needed the etiquette school to be a success.

And you needed Dennis' investment.

And then, once you found out that Spider was on to you,

you were running out of time.

Is that why you killed her?

I didn't plan it, I swear.

With Hobbs?! MY Hobbs?! The butler?!

I love him, Algie, and for once I want to do something for myself,

and not the family.

Well, you can't go away together, I forbid it.

And I won't give you the money. I don't need it.

That French polisher is actually an IT specialist.

- He's hacking into daddy's offshore account. - What?

As soon as I get my half of the money, I'm leaving.

No, you won't.

Because it's all gone.

I've spent it.

You told me we didn't have access.

Oh, come on, do you really think Father would leave us high and dry

like that?

He left instructions for me.

After everything I've done to protect you.

All the botched love affairs, the bad investments,

the dodgy friends, and now this.

You're nothing more than a common thief.

I'm the Earl of Arden! And you can't talk to me like that!

Titles don't mean anything in prison.

- Prison?! - Everyone knew you'd makea hash of things.

- Even Nanny Kitty. - Take that back.

Just wait till she hears about this. You know, she told me

when she retired, she thought you were a useless simpleton.

She called you pathetic.

Shut up!

I took her ring and I put it in the French polishing kit

to divert suspicion.

I really did love her.

I know.

Algie, you've got to come clean, clear Spider's name.

I can't! I'd lose everything. This place, the estate.

Actually, I've been recording since I've come in.

You've already confessed.

Well...

I suppose I must face the music.

Stiff upper lip and all that.

Oh!

Uh...!

I'll just wait here, just in case he comes back.

Come on!

Quick!

Oh!

I'm wearing heels!

Get in!

You're not gonna get away with this!

- Oh! Agh! Hold on. - Come on!

Frank, put your foot down! It's all the way down!

Whoa!

- Argh! - Reach over, grab hold of him!

What are you doing? Are you mad?!

I'm blind!

- Jump over! - Get off!

Get closer!

Yes, Frank, yes, Frank!

- Argh! - I'm not stopping!

I'm on, Frank! I'm on!

- Be careful! - Now what?

Watch out.

Go on, Frank! Wooo!

- Are you insane?! - Ahhh!

- Argh! - Argh!

THEY SCREAM

THEY PANT Oh, come on!

I'm so sorry, Hobbs. Gareth.

Minty loved you very much.

You know, only Shakespeare and Hathaway could do

- a high-speed chase on a golf buggy. Yeah. - Mm.

Has he been here the whole time?

- Wh...? Oh! - Oh! It's Spider?!

Oh, hello. What you doing here?!

Have it your way.

He might not be a killer,

but I've got my eyes on you, you

and you, butt. And you.

- That's a lot of eyes. - Yeah.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

So what are you going to do now?

I'm still going travelling. I owe it to Minty.

- Aw. - Thank you.

Oh, I'm sorry about Algie.

Oh, you know what they say - one monkey don't stop no show.

Do they? Do they say that, though?

Apparently, there's a ball next week at the Duke of Avon's estate.

I reckon I might try out my new etiquette skills.

I hear he's single.

- HORN TOOTS Oh, that's me. - Good luck.

Well, that's the etiquette business over before it begun.

Aw. Ooh.

I'm sorry you didn't get your recommendation

for the Haverley Club. Do you know what?

I spent so long wanting to be worthy of these toffs,

I never stopped to think whether they were worthy of me.

I mean, you call Small, and quality...

ALL: ..is guaranteed!

Very good.

It sounds like you've had quite the adventure.

- Well done. - Yeah, well done.

DOOR OPENS Oh! Look who's popped in.

I just came to say thanks again. Hey, no, listen,

we're all glad you're in the clear.

Yeah, well, except these offshore banks

have their own cyber security investigators.

They know that I hacked one of their accounts.

Oh, no. How much trouble are you in?

- Well, actually, they've offered me a job. - Oh!

I'm going to help pressure test their systems,

make them more secure.

- I'm moving to the Cayman Islands next week. - Oh!- Oh-ho-ho!

Sorry I can't make your sister's wedding.

Oh, it's OK.

You weren't invited, actually, I don't think?

- Talking of invitations... - Oh, did you ask Annie?

She was more excited than I expected.

She even gave me these to share out.

Ooh! Don't mind if I do!

Nice one. Thank you.

Uh, thanks, Frank, but it's a bit early for all that sugar.

Yeah, oh, absolutely.

So, you never told me how your meeting went.

Let's just say there may be some big things on the horizon.

Mm! A man of mystery.

When the time is right, you'll be the first to know.

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