Original subtitles

Hey, I'm Michael Costa. Welcome to the

Hey, I'm Michael Costa. Welcome to the

Hey, I'm Michael Costa. Welcome to the Anala Zone, where things can get a

Anala Zone, where things can get a

Anala Zone, where things can get a little hairy, or in my case, bleached by

little hairy, or in my case, bleached by

little hairy, or in my case, bleached by a Korean woman. Um, shout out to Sun

a Korean woman. Um, shout out to Sun

a Korean woman. Um, shout out to Sun Woo.

Woo.

Woo. She loves politics.

She loves politics.

She loves politics. I'm just kidding. I don't even know if

I'm just kidding. I don't even know if

I'm just kidding. I don't even know if she's Korean. Anyway, the midterms are

she's Korean. Anyway, the midterms are

she's Korean. Anyway, the midterms are right around the corner and there are so

right around the corner and there are so

right around the corner and there are so many candidates steeped in scandal that

many candidates steeped in scandal that

many candidates steeped in scandal that it's hard to keep track of them all. So,

it's hard to keep track of them all. So,

it's hard to keep track of them all. So, let's plunge into the Azone and break

let's plunge into the Azone and break

let's plunge into the Azone and break down a few of these alleged

down a few of these alleged

down a few of these alleged controversies. First up, Florida, where

controversies. First up, Florida, where

controversies. First up, Florida, where Republican T. Brown is running for

Republican T. Brown is running for

Republican T. Brown is running for Congress for the first time.

Congress for the first time.

Congress for the first time. Or is she? T. Brown is the Republican

Or is she? T. Brown is the Republican

Or is she? T. Brown is the Republican House nominee in Florida's 24th

House nominee in Florida's 24th

House nominee in Florida's 24th Congressional District. Earlier this

Congressional District. Earlier this

Congressional District. Earlier this year, she was also a Republican

year, she was also a Republican

year, she was also a Republican candidate for House in Illinois's 11th

candidate for House in Illinois's 11th

candidate for House in Illinois's 11th district. And before that, she was and

district. And before that, she was and

district. And before that, she was and still is under federal felony indictment

still is under federal felony indictment

still is under federal felony indictment for wire fraud. Weirdly, nobody seems to

for wire fraud. Weirdly, nobody seems to

for wire fraud. Weirdly, nobody seems to have connected the T. Brown running for

have connected the T. Brown running for

have connected the T. Brown running for Congress in Florida with the Tedora

Congress in Florida with the Tedora

Congress in Florida with the Tedora Brown, who was formerly running in

Brown, who was formerly running in

Brown, who was formerly running in Illinois. When I got her on the phone

Illinois. When I got her on the phone

Illinois. When I got her on the phone yesterday, T. Brown of Florida denied

yesterday, T. Brown of Florida denied

yesterday, T. Brown of Florida denied being Tedora Brown of Illinois, despite

being Tedora Brown of Illinois, despite

being Tedora Brown of Illinois, despite a long paper trail connecting the two.

a long paper trail connecting the two.

a long paper trail connecting the two. Then she asked if I was with the police.

Then she asked if I was with the police.

Then she asked if I was with the police. >> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah. Nothing to see here. Nothing to see

Nothing to see here. Nothing to see

Nothing to see here. Nothing to see here. Just the woman running for office

here. Just the woman running for office

here. Just the woman running for office in two different states and asking

in two different states and asking

in two different states and asking everyone around if she's a cop.

everyone around if she's a cop.

everyone around if she's a cop. All of her campaign speeches are going

All of her campaign speeches are going

All of her campaign speeches are going to be like, "To my supporters, which one

to be like, "To my supporters, which one

to be like, "To my supporters, which one of you is wearing a wire, I know there's

of you is wearing a wire, I know there's

of you is wearing a wire, I know there's a rat in this crowd."

a rat in this crowd."

a rat in this crowd." One small piece of advice, Miss Brown.

One small piece of advice, Miss Brown.

One small piece of advice, Miss Brown. If you're looking to lay low, maybe

If you're looking to lay low, maybe

If you're looking to lay low, maybe don't run for Congress. Although, now I

don't run for Congress. Although, now I

don't run for Congress. Although, now I understand her campaign slogan. Just

understand her campaign slogan. Just

understand her campaign slogan. Just need to cool my heels for a bit.

need to cool my heels for a bit.

need to cool my heels for a bit. But let's make like T. Brown and move to

But let's make like T. Brown and move to

But let's make like T. Brown and move to another state. New York, baby. Yeah.

another state. New York, baby. Yeah.

another state. New York, baby. Yeah. where Democrat [cheering]

where Democrat [cheering]

where Democrat [cheering] [applause]

[applause]

[applause] where Democrat Chris Gallant is running

where Democrat Chris Gallant is running

where Democrat Chris Gallant is running to represent New York's first

to represent New York's first

to represent New York's first congressional district. And he's getting

congressional district. And he's getting

congressional district. And he's getting his ass beaten, but not in the polls.

his ass beaten, but not in the polls.

his ass beaten, but not in the polls. These are newly surfaced photos of

These are newly surfaced photos of

These are newly surfaced photos of Gallant uh modeling for a series of BDSM

Gallant uh modeling for a series of BDSM

Gallant uh modeling for a series of BDSM images he took for a company called Mr.

images he took for a company called Mr.

images he took for a company called Mr. S Leather.

S Leather.

S Leather. >> The photos included one advertising a

>> The photos included one advertising a

>> The photos included one advertising a simple posture collar for $89.95.

simple posture collar for $89.95.

simple posture collar for $89.95. >> Ah, I see the scandal here. You can

>> Ah, I see the scandal here. You can

>> Ah, I see the scandal here. You can charge more for a sex leash when you

charge more for a sex leash when you

charge more for a sex leash when you call it a simple posture collar.

call it a simple posture collar.

call it a simple posture collar. I mean, $89.95 for a collar. I wouldn't

I mean, $89.95 for a collar. I wouldn't

I mean, $89.95 for a collar. I wouldn't pay that price even if my dominatrix

pay that price even if my dominatrix

pay that price even if my dominatrix commanded me to.

commanded me to.

commanded me to. I'm just joking. Madam Bethany, please

I'm just joking. Madam Bethany, please

I'm just joking. Madam Bethany, please don't punish me.

[applause]

But is being into BDSM even really a

But is being into BDSM even really a

But is being into BDSM even really a scandal? If you ask me, this only makes

scandal? If you ask me, this only makes

scandal? If you ask me, this only makes Gallant more qualified. This guy's gonna

Gallant more qualified. This guy's gonna

Gallant more qualified. This guy's gonna make a great House majority whip or

make a great House majority whip or

make a great House majority whip or House majority nipple clamp.

House majority nipple clamp.

House majority nipple clamp. Honestly, I'm just sorry Lindsey Graham

Honestly, I'm just sorry Lindsey Graham

Honestly, I'm just sorry Lindsey Graham isn't alive to see him get elected.

isn't alive to see him get elected.

isn't alive to see him get elected. I know. I miss him, too.

I know. I miss him, too.

I know. I miss him, too. Moving on to my home state of Michigan

Moving on to my home state of Michigan

Moving on to my home state of Michigan where Republican House candidate Tom

where Republican House candidate Tom

where Republican House candidate Tom Smith is in some trouble because his old

Smith is in some trouble because his old

Smith is in some trouble because his old tweets were uh Okito Picante.

tweets were uh Okito Picante.

tweets were uh Okito Picante. >> CNN uncovered some 13,000 of Republican

>> CNN uncovered some 13,000 of Republican

>> CNN uncovered some 13,000 of Republican Thomas Smith's deleted social media

Thomas Smith's deleted social media

Thomas Smith's deleted social media posts and reposts. They show a

posts and reposts. They show a

posts and reposts. They show a year'slong pattern of far-right

year'slong pattern of far-right

year'slong pattern of far-right rhetoric, including birther style

rhetoric, including birther style

rhetoric, including birther style conspiracies, attacks on Muslim

conspiracies, attacks on Muslim

conspiracies, attacks on Muslim Americans, and a call for tion trials.

Americans, and a call for tion trials.

Americans, and a call for tion trials. The post came uh from the account under

The post came uh from the account under

The post came uh from the account under the name Jarhead Salsa, which is the

the name Jarhead Salsa, which is the

the name Jarhead Salsa, which is the name of a Flint area salsa business that

name of a Flint area salsa business that

name of a Flint area salsa business that Smith owns. And he repeatedly identified

Smith owns. And he repeatedly identified

Smith owns. And he repeatedly identified himself. Okay. Uh first of all, I know

himself. Okay. Uh first of all, I know

himself. Okay. Uh first of all, I know this is not the main scandal here, but

this is not the main scandal here, but

this is not the main scandal here, but who's buying salsa from a guy named Tom

who's buying salsa from a guy named Tom

who's buying salsa from a guy named Tom Smith

Smith

Smith from Flint?

from Flint?

from Flint? If I'm buying salsa from someone, it's

If I'm buying salsa from someone, it's

If I'm buying salsa from someone, it's going to be from a real Hispanic

going to be from a real Hispanic

going to be from a real Hispanic entrepreneur like this guy, Paul Newman.

entrepreneur like this guy, Paul Newman.

entrepreneur like this guy, Paul Newman. >> [cheering]

>> [cheering]

>> [cheering] >> Or maybe it's Pul Numa.

>> Or maybe it's Pul Numa.

>> Or maybe it's Pul Numa. No Ablo. Also, this is the least helpful

No Ablo. Also, this is the least helpful

No Ablo. Also, this is the least helpful salsa account of all time. Yeah. Yeah.

salsa account of all time. Yeah. Yeah.

salsa account of all time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You don't like Islam. You hate

Yeah. You don't like Islam. You hate

Yeah. You don't like Islam. You hate Anthony Fouchy. Do you sell queso or

Anthony Fouchy. Do you sell queso or

Anthony Fouchy. Do you sell queso or not? I'm going to a party at Chris

not? I'm going to a party at Chris

not? I'm going to a party at Chris Gallon's house and I need something

Gallon's house and I need something

Gallon's house and I need something creamy that burns the skin. [applause]

creamy that burns the skin. [applause]

creamy that burns the skin. [applause] That said,

That said,

That said, I knew this audience would love that

I knew this audience would love that

I knew this audience would love that joke.

joke.

joke. That said, at least we know Jarhead

That said, at least we know Jarhead

That said, at least we know Jarhead Salsa's company values. I have no idea

Salsa's company values. I have no idea

Salsa's company values. I have no idea how Tostitos feels about Muslims.

how Tostitos feels about Muslims.

how Tostitos feels about Muslims. Release the tweets, muchachos.

Moving on to Ohio, where incumbent

Moving on to Ohio, where incumbent

Moving on to Ohio, where incumbent Republican Max Miller, is facing some

Republican Max Miller, is facing some

Republican Max Miller, is facing some pretty serious allegations of domestic

pretty serious allegations of domestic

pretty serious allegations of domestic abuse, which means his challenger,

abuse, which means his challenger,

abuse, which means his challenger, Democrat Brian Po Dexter, will have no

Democrat Brian Po Dexter, will have no

Democrat Brian Po Dexter, will have no problem winning a seat.

problem winning a seat.

problem winning a seat. >> Brian Poextter was arrested for

>> Brian Poextter was arrested for

>> Brian Poextter was arrested for allegedly trying to swallow crack

allegedly trying to swallow crack

allegedly trying to swallow crack cocaine during a traffic stop. Oh,

cocaine during a traffic stop. Oh,

cocaine during a traffic stop. Oh, please. Suddenly, it's against the law

please. Suddenly, it's against the law

please. Suddenly, it's against the law to snack a little bit while you're

to snack a little bit while you're

to snack a little bit while you're driving.

driving.

driving. >> I'm sure it's fine as long as that's his

>> I'm sure it's fine as long as that's his

>> I'm sure it's fine as long as that's his only arrest.

only arrest.

only arrest. >> August 10th of 2013, police arrested him

>> August 10th of 2013, police arrested him

>> August 10th of 2013, police arrested him at a Cleveland Indians game he allegedly

at a Cleveland Indians game he allegedly

at a Cleveland Indians game he allegedly slapped a stranger for quote no known

slapped a stranger for quote no known

slapped a stranger for quote no known reason.

reason.

reason. >> The victim told the Washington Free

>> The victim told the Washington Free

>> The victim told the Washington Free Beacon that while he and his son were

Beacon that while he and his son were

Beacon that while he and his son were attending Dollar Dog Day at the stadium,

attending Dollar Dog Day at the stadium,

attending Dollar Dog Day at the stadium, they witnessed Po Dexter swallow a quote

they witnessed Po Dexter swallow a quote

they witnessed Po Dexter swallow a quote freaking hot dog unquote in one bite.

freaking hot dog unquote in one bite.

freaking hot dog unquote in one bite. They walked over to express their

They walked over to express their

They walked over to express their amazement and offered to buy him another

amazement and offered to buy him another

amazement and offered to buy him another hot dog to do it again. And at that

hot dog to do it again. And at that

hot dog to do it again. And at that point, Po Dexter, who appeared to be

point, Po Dexter, who appeared to be

point, Po Dexter, who appeared to be heavily intoxicated, took offense and

heavily intoxicated, took offense and

heavily intoxicated, took offense and smacked him, quote, "Right across the

smacked him, quote, "Right across the

smacked him, quote, "Right across the face."

face."

face." Brian, Brian, Brian, you don't slap a

Brian, Brian, Brian, you don't slap a

Brian, Brian, Brian, you don't slap a man for offering to buy you a hot dog.

man for offering to buy you a hot dog.

man for offering to buy you a hot dog. You say, "Hey, if you're impressed by

You say, "Hey, if you're impressed by

You say, "Hey, if you're impressed by that, buy me some crack and I'll show

that, buy me some crack and I'll show

that, buy me some crack and I'll show you what this throat can really do."

you what this throat can really do."

you what this throat can really do." Okay. [applause]

Okay. [applause]

Okay. [applause] [cheering]

[cheering]

[cheering] Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. What have we learned here today? It's

What have we learned here today? It's

What have we learned here today? It's possible that some of these candidates

possible that some of these candidates

possible that some of these candidates are lunatics,

are lunatics,

are lunatics, but when you step back, they're also

but when you step back, they're also

but when you step back, they're also pretty inspiring. Whether it's racist

pretty inspiring. Whether it's racist

pretty inspiring. Whether it's racist salsa, running from the fuzz, or

salsa, running from the fuzz, or

salsa, running from the fuzz, or assaulting someone because they offered

assaulting someone because they offered

assaulting someone because they offered you a hot dog, there's no scandal that

you a hot dog, there's no scandal that

you a hot dog, there's no scandal that can stop these lunatics from serving

can stop these lunatics from serving

can stop these lunatics from serving their country. And isn't that what

their country. And isn't that what

their country. And isn't that what America's all about?

America's all about?

America's all about? No, not really. But with the midterms

No, not really. But with the midterms

No, not really. But with the midterms fast approaching, it's important to do

fast approaching, it's important to do

fast approaching, it's important to do your research, get informed on the

your research, get informed on the

your research, get informed on the issues, and exercise your god-given

issues, and exercise your god-given

issues, and exercise your god-given right to ask Madame Bethany, who she's

right to ask Madame Bethany, who she's

right to ask Madame Bethany, who she's given you permission to vote for.

[music]