Original subtitles

Gotcha!

Heh heh. Suckah.

You're not done yet.

Crap. That's all she wrote, folks.

Ohh...

Jesus Christ.

Oh, man, what is this?

How far are we from Ganderton? More than an hour still.

Is there anything around?

Just a little trading post we passed some...20 miles back.

Guess we should have stopped there.

Some nice bathrooms, snacks.

Stretch your legs, you know.

Well, what about up ahead?

Hotel off the highway, some 12, 14 miles up.

Well, that'll have to do.

I think you ought to stay with the group.

I'm not responsible for you if you get lost.

Hey.

You're not gonna walk, are ya?

Nobody walks.

Nobody reads, either.

You're all alone on the open road.

Sure you don't want me to ride shotgun for ya?

No way.

You see this?

This is the only friend I need. Hey, whoa.

Hey, I was only askin', okay?

Yeah. Uh-huh. Christ.

She's a nut job.

Whoa, whoa, ho, ho, ho.

Wait a second. That bad, huh?

I mean, so young, so bitter?

Hmph. Have you ever been married?

Oh, yeah.

Been there, done that.

Did he ever hit you?

Honey, anybody who ever strikes me strikes me once.

Hey, I see you're still wearing your ring, though.

This is to remind me of my past mistakes.

Hmph. I'll see ya.

You take care now, honey.

I almost always do.

Can't you call AAA or something?

Yeah, great idea.

I'll just call a little hick tow truck.

Well, well, well. Would you look at this?

You got a problem here, huh?

I can't get anybody on that damned radio.

Yeah, yeah. Mind the lacquer there, pal.

I can take a few of these passengers

up to the trading post

if they don't mind riding in the sleeper back of me.

Hey, head's up! The trading post.

They got a damn good breakfast up there,

great coffee, and phones that actually work.

I gotta stay with the bus.

Oh. Anybody else?

That works for me.

Anybody else? Last call.

As long as you promise you're not some psycho or something.

Oh, I promise, Miss-- What's your name?

Birdy.

Birdy?

We can't just go with some dumb trucker that comes out of nowhere.

What the hell is that? Cool it. He'll hear you.

Well, fuck him. No one with brains hitches anymore.

He's probably just gonna grind us into cat food

and sell me into white slavery

or some goddamn thing. Marie, just relax.

Hey, who gets to ride up front?

Who do you think?

This pretty lady here is gonna ride up front.

Thanks.

Okay, let's go. Let's get inside.

No, thanks. Have a nice day.

Probable lunatic.

Great. Good one. Perfect.

Ohh. Right over the back?

Wow, it's really big back there.

Hey, hey, go easy. All right?

We could have fit everybody, you know?

Wow, you sure travel in luxury, I'll tell you.

It's home. Seatbelt, please. Oh, yeah.

So what you carrying in the back?

Meat.

Eww. You know they say meat's dangerous nowadays,

with all those growth hormones,

not to mention mad cow.

Oh, mad cow.

Come on.

You promised you weren't gonna be a lunatic.

Mine's all organic meat.

- Yeah. - Kosher.

I'll bet it is.

Once we get rolling, we'll pick you up at the trading post.

So what kind of engine you got in this thing?

Four and a quarter cads,

18 speed, double-locking differential--

Whoa, whoa. Wait. That's plenty.

Don't need no chapter and verse.

I really love the way you, uh, shift.

I bet you know how to ride--

I mean, drive a stick.

My preference.

I'm glad to hear you say that.

Made my day.

You sound like a city fellow to me.

Actually, I was raised in all five boroughs of New York

at the same time.

It was too crowded up there.

It was too congested. Too many fucking witnesses.

Witnesses?

I hate witnesses.

And does that make me a bad person?

No. No worse than anyone else, I guess.

When I'm lonesome, I pick someone up,

give 'em a ride, make conversation,

and sometimes I even let 'em go.

That's reassuring.

So you're not scared of me, right?

I'm a normal person, right?

Mister, I ain't never met anybody that was normal.

Not after I got to know 'em, anyway.

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

Hello!

The hell?

Hey, partner.

Y'all headed up anywhere near Lansdale?

We ain't headed nowheres right this minute.

What, did you break down?

Yeah. I think the tranny on this old bitch

picked today to just up and die.

Well, that sucks.

You tellin' me.

So, in theory, then, if you had not broken down,

you'd have given me a ride?

Sure, amigo.

You got the fare, I got the ride.

That's what I was hopin'.

How many you got?

Just those two.

Hey.

Don't talk to him, you schmuck.

Marie... Some guy just strolls in here out of nowhere--

I mean, he could be a child molester--

Honey, honey, would it put you out terribly for, say, five minutes,

you might keep your fucking paranoia to yourself?

Well-- Shut up!

Fuck!

You do not talk to me in that tone, mister!

You have to respect me!

Everybody else caught a ride back to that roadside store.

Someone offered you guys a ride, and you didn't take it?

That goes against my principles.

I'm supposed to pick 'em up

after they get this old bus rollin', if they can.

So you just gonna hang around?

- Maybe for a little bit. - Smoke?

No, sir, I don't.

What the hell is that?

Hmm?

- Oh, this? - Yeah.

It's just a little bitty old roadkill.

What?

Yeah. Wanna touch it? No fuckin' way.

Dead things can't hurt you. Talk into the mike.

Get that thing out-- Hey!

Come on, talk into the mike.

Where you from?

From planet Earth. Where you from?

Hey, this thing on? Hey, man--

You're on the crackpipe, man.

No, no. People afraid of snakes.

They think they're slimy. They don't wanna touch 'em.

Fact is, you know, they're pretty sturdy.

Come on. Don't be afraid.

Get that thing out of my face.

You a big one, ain't you? Fuck off!

Maybe dead things can hurt you.

Shit!

Aah! Aah! No!

I'll get to you. I'll get to you.

No!

Oh, shit!

No!

Don't shoot, man!

- Just stop! - What?

Stop right there, man!

Aah! Aah!

Where you goin'?

No!

Aah! No!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

You better not tattle!

Whoo.

I got work to do.

I knew this would happen to me!

Where's the rest of my stuff?

Uh, right here, sir.

You're obviously a junk food addict, huh?

Excuse me. Is there anything wrong with liking sweets?

No, it was only a joke.

Is that why I'm laughing so hard?

I'd also like two cartons of them,

'cause I'm a nicotine addict, too.

Right.

Hey, you got one of these?

Have you got a piece back there? A gun?

No. No, I, uh-- I don't--

I, uh-- I don't have a gun.

Now...

don't be afraid.

This eliminates fear.

You point it,

and people fall down.

There, see?

Here. Go on, take it.

Now, point it at me.

It's heavy.

No, no, come on. Point it at me.

Now, do you feel more in control,

more power?

Yeah.

Now all you need is the will to kill...

pal.

Oh, here, keep this gun. You're gonna need it.

Why you being so generous?

Well, I-- I-- I like these rest stops,

these convenience stores,

and punks are tryin' to rip 'em off.

Yeah.

And I-- Right. And I hate that.

I loathe punks.

- Yeah, me, too. - Yeah.

Cocksucker. Yeah, that's it.

Oh, wait a minute. I forgot something.

See there?

I left one in the pipe.

Whoa, you mean I could have actually, you know, shot you?

See this? It's a hollow point.

Makes a teeny little hole goin' in,

but comin' out, oh...

It's a big slice of cherry pie.

You know, just take it back, sir.

I...I'm gonna take my chances without it,

if that's okay with you.

Oh, hey...

You are such a disappointment to me.

You're gonna be a punk's feast!

Now pack me up.

♪ Bears started whining

♪ 'Cause of the mountains of you ♪

♪ Snow lands miles above them ♪

♪ They begin to rue

♪ They're not human beings

♪ They're just snakes in the snow ♪

This is fucking unbelievable.

What other surprises you got in store for me?

Uh... I recall that you expressed an interest

to look inside the back of my truck.

I bet it's not kosher.

Well, if you pick up the groceries,

we can take a peek.

Okay.

Aah! Aah!

Bye-bye, Birdy.

Hey, mister?

Uh, I'm kind of worried...

about those people back on the bus.

You know, like, they never showed up, right?

I go, maybe they're still in trouble back there.

Hey, Marie!

No!

No!

Hey, Marie!

Hey, Marie!

Hey, Marie!

How many times we seen this?

I know you saw this in Texas Chainsaw.

Both fucking versions!

Come on, let me take you someplace else and kill ya.

Cut the fucking shit!

Got your credit card, Marie!

Someone might try and abuse your personal information.

Steal your identity.

There's not many cops up here.

What are you gettin' at?

I mean, like state troopers, sheriffs, that kind of thing.

See this? There's less than one cruiser

per 100 square miles up here.

I'm a deputy sheriff of Triple Pines.

Now, I'm not up here on the job.

I'm just here to, uh...

You know, um... Unwind?

Yeah, right. Unwind.

That's a good word. "Unwind."

Unwi...

♪ Sidewinder

♪ Unwinding

Oh, man, it's weird up here.

Every time you turn around the corner, it's exactly the same.

You know? As if you're not gettin' anywhere.

Well, maybe you're not gettin' anywhere.

Shit.

I'm going in circles.

Aah!

No!

No!

Shh!

Do me a favor.

Spare me the part about how you'll do anything.

No!

Hey!

Where is everybody?

Where the fuck are they?

That guy from the bus company,

he probably found that van, gave them a lift.

Oh, right, man, and they just left the bus here

with the lights on, the door open?

Hey, kid, you're very dangerously close

to having a brain.

Now listen to me.

There is no one here.

So let's not be here, either. I'm bored.

All right, okay. Well, look.

Right. See? They left their bags.

Look, there's Birdy's bag.

Oh, my God.

Gee.

I'm not so bored anymore.

This is not good.

This is not good, dude.

We need to haul our ass back to that restaurant,

or get on your CB and call the police!

And what happened to Marie?

What did he do with Marie? Where the hell is fucking Ma--

Here.

Take a closer look.

Oh!

Marie.

Yeah.

Can anybody hear me?

Marie?

Help me, please!

Marie!

Help me!

Hello, Marie!

Please! God! Help me!

I'll find you.

Please help me!

I'm following your voice.

Oh, my God! God, help me!

Please help me!

Keep shouting, honey!

Help me, please!

That a girl!

Please help me!

Help me, please!

What are you doing just standing there? Help me!

Who did this?

He-- He ran away.

Describe him, God damn it!

Maybe 25, um...

cowboy hat...

d-duster.

Yeah, well, that doesn't sound like a monster to me, lady.

You want a monster? I'll give you a monster.

Grrr!

Please help me.

I know you, lady.

At the bus, 'member?

I wasn't good enough for you.

You wouldn't get in my truck, would ya?

Where are you going?

I'm a truck driver, not a doctor!

I fuckin' wouldn't know CPR from IRS!

Don't leave me here, you bastard!

You had your chance.

Come back! Please!

You had your chance on the highway.

Please help me!

Sorry. You're not my victim.

And I don't butt in.

It's about fuckin' time.

Hey... I need a room.

Hi.

Can we offer you a ride?

I don't mind if I do, ma'am.

Oh, wow. "Ma'am."

Shut up, Stoney.

He's just bein' polite. Ain't you?

How'd you wind up way the fuck out here

in this piss-poor excuse for the middle of nowhere?

Walked.

Like, on foot, dude?

You just tell us how far you want to go.

I generally go all the way.

Oh ho ho.

Oops. Sorry.

Nice pack.

These are my smokes,

and that's my pussy you're showin' off!

Just get the fuck in, okay?

Hope you like it bumpy.

Ow! Fuck!

Piece of shit motel.

God damn it.

This is the Beach Grove Hotel.

We're away from the desk at the moment.

You gotta be kidding me. An answering machine?

I'm in-- Yeah, I'm in room 4,

and I just got burnt by my shower,

and I can't turn it off.

The knob came off.

I need a plumber, I need some help--

God damn it!

Even their phone doesn't work.

Hmm.

Look at that.

And the body's still warm.

Someone... with a skill to slice a neck

without breakin' a sweat

could have hid the body.

But no, no. He's gotta show off.

What kind of vehicle would this punk be drivin'?

See ya!

No, don't do it! Whatever you do, don't--

Shoot.

Shake it up. Shake the bed up. Shake the bed up.

You're a fun date.

You know, you look a lot better

without all them trashy clothes on.

Without all that trashy skin, too.

Weighs you down.

Snakes shed their skin. It's healthy.

Mmm...

Now, that... I can't fuckin' stand.

Porn.

Embarrasses me.

No romance to it.

It's just...

just kind of clinical, you know?

It's just this meat stuck into more meat.

Doesn't mean nothin', you know?

Just fillin' holes.

You can make a hole practically anywhere.

Am I right?

Am I-- Am I right?

You better sound off like you got a pair. Am I right?

Oh, I'm sorry.

You can't speak. You ain't got a mouth.

How you supposed to talk if you ain't got a mouth?

That's all right. We're gonna make you a mouth.

It's all right.

Hold still.

Pretty mouth on you.

It's show time.

Calm down. Almost done.

Yeah. Aw, don't cry.

Shh.

That's a beautiful new expensive dress

you're wearing today, Miss Vaughn.

This old thing? I got it at the bargain basement.

Fuckin' pathetic.

Fuckin' disgusting. Fuckin'--

Hey! Keep it down in there!

Shut the fuck up!

Sorry about that.

You should be.

Creepy-ass hotel.

Creepy.

Creepy, creepy.

Oh, come on.

Fuck!

No problem.

I got loads of quarters.

Ma'am.

You're welcome.

I'm sorry. Thank you.

No, that's my pleasure, that's my pleasure.

Have you seen the manager anywhere?

Oh, you mean Grandpa?

You know, I think he's off

getting his beauty sleep somewheres.

Probably with a bottle. You know what I mean?

Right.

Anything I can do for ya?

I'm real handy.

No. Thanks, though.

Hey, did you hear those two in there?

Sound like a goddamn rodeo.

Oh, God...

Well, I gotta go try to get some sleep.

All right. You have yourself a good night.

Hello, there.

Oh.

Excuse me, young man.

No, it's all right.

Miss, uh...

I hate to pry,

but were you, by any chance,

with that busload of people

that broke down on the road to Ganderton?

How would you know that?

I hauled a bunch of them to the trading post,

but how did you get away?

I-- I hitchhiked.

How about you, pal?

You a hitchhiker?

No, not presently. No, sir.

My van right there.

How would you fellow travelers care for a cigarette?

No, sir, I, uh-- I don't indulge.

Miss, please...

Let's... savor the quiet.

Before it starts raining.

I like the rain.

Rinses the air clean, clouds separate.

See tons more stars at night.

Well, the rain, for me, is just hell on my truck.

Can't hurt you, though, right?

Well, a lot of things can hurt you out here, you know that?

The woods--

they're full of predators.

I gotta go call my boyfriend now.

I thought you said you were gonna try and get some sleep.

Yeah... well...

he's gonna be picking me up real soon... tonight,

so I'll see ya.

Yep.

So, I, uh, guess

you made her a little jumpy, huh?

Maybe it was you.

That's all right. First impressions.

Don't mean much.

Oh, so you're a ladies' man.

That right?

They all warm up eventually.

Hmm...

That's a big truck. What are you haulin'?

Uh... dog food.

Dog food.

Oh...

Only I haven't got a full truckload...

yet.

You gonna pick up some more on the way?

Oh, yeah.

But it's been just great talkin' with you.

The pleasure was mine.

I'll see you later.

Bye. I'll bet.

I'll bet you a quarter.

Oh.

Hey.

Hey.

Two bits.

Hey, honey.

Whoo!

That was interestin'.

Oh!

I get it.

Trucker Bert out there--

Trucker Bert out there, he knows.

I don't know how, but he knows.

Why didn't he do anything?

He's like one of them cheetahs.

Yep. He's like one of them cheetahs

who catch somethin'

and they don't eat it.

They don't kill it.

They play with it.

You know what I mean, sweetie?

I'll bet you do.

Huh?

God damn it!

Damn it!

Totally unoriginal.

I am ashamed of you.

Ready or not...

here I come.

Son of a bitch.

Trucker.

Can't believe I took a shower in there.

Uh.

"The Horrible Thing"?

What?

What is this--

Hey, stranger.

Stay back from me. I've got a knife.

Stay back!

And I've got a gun, so I guess I win.

Listen, it's me, from the motel.

What are you doing here?

Well, you know, what does a guy get out of a truck

to do behind a billboard, you know?

Don't worry.

I'm a cop. See?

Are you sure?

Uh, well, it says I'm a cop.

It's gonna bucket down here.

Let me give you a lift to Ganderton.

It's on my way.

Listen, you're not safe out here.

What does that mean?

There are dangerous people out here,

and that's why I'm here.

Let's talk about this where it's dry, okay?

I'll even let you hold my gun, all right?

There.

Fine, fuck it. Let's go.

If we're gonna go, let's go.

Stay back from me.

I don't need any help getting into a fucking truck.

Damn. I'm sorry.

I thought you were that other guy from the motel.

I think he's following me.

That's why I'm out here.

What is this, some kind of manhunt thing?

What did he do?

He hurt a few people.

Do you know about territory?

He's kind of a poacher.

Goes where he doesn't belong, and hunts.

And he hitchhikes, and that makes him hard to track.

Jesus.

Let's get out of here.

What is The Horrible Thing?

It's kind of a two-headed baby skeleton, I think.

It gives me the creeps.

Baby monsters. Have you ever seen one?

No. You're going the wrong way.

Eh, well, I, uh--

I wanna check this stretch between here and the motel,

then turn around and head out,

just to make sure about this guy.

No one's gonna pick him up in the rain.

Well, don't you need backup or something?

Not just yet.

You've probably gathered that it's a personal thing

between him and me.

So what's your story?

Just trying to get from one place to the other,

like everybody else.

Ah.

Just like everybody else?

Come on, asshole!

I'm right here.

Wait a second. If you were after the guy

that was in the room next to me,

why didn't you arrest him at the hotel?

Well, that's not how it works.

How what works?

Him and me,

uh, we're very, very, very different.

He rides, I drive.

He gets picked up, I do the picking up.

And he doesn't have any standards.

He'd do anybody. He's like a mad dog.

So...

it's like you're the hunter and he's the hunted?

Some hunters only hunt dangerous prey--

fighters,

survivors, not easy prey.

I don't quite follow you.

I know. Uh...

I'll have to show you.

Could you open that glove compartment for me?

It'll all become clear.

Gee, that must have hurt.

Uh, you know, miss, I could have been--

chitty-chatty, you know.

I could have been friendly instead.

What the fuck? "I like your earrings."

Fuck! What have you done to me?

You would have said "Thanks."

And then I'd have said,

"Could I have one of your earrings as a souvenir?"

And you'd have said no.

And then I may have come back and said--

What have you done?

You cocksucker, let me out!

I could have asked for one of your tits!

Ow! Jesus fucking Christ!

Then you'd have teed off like you did now.

You'd have tried to jump out of a running truck,

which won't do you no good,

'cause the door don't open from the inside.

Just thought I'd let you know that.

Why are you doing this?

Lady, when you're fishing,

the bait doesn't ask stupid questions.

You're not a cop!

Oh, that is equally stupid! Piece of shit!

How long was I out?

I don't know. 10, 15 minutes.

No permanent damage.

Well, here we go.

Oh, no. No.

You don't mind a little company, do you?

Hell of a night.

Yeah.

You offering me a ride?

That's the way it's supposed to go, isn't it?

You sure you got room?

Ha ha ha. Yeah.

Sure. Get in.

- Whoo! - Mm.

Hello again.

Hold up, stop.

Stop! What?

Snake. Don't hit it.

Why not?

'Cause he's minding his own business.

Hey, you got another one of those?

I thought you didn't smoke.

Yeah, well, I guess I fooled ya.

Here. Light this up.

Oh, thank you. Excuse me.

You know, this snake

reminds me of a blonde joke.

Do tell.

This blonde,

she's walking through Central Park

in the middle of winter,

and she sees this rattlesnake freezing in the snow.

And the rattlesnake says, "Listen, baby"--

He's kind of a Humphrey Bogart rattlesnake, you know--

"I just got out of the zoo.

Could you pick me up, take me where it's warm?"

She says, "No, no. You'll bite me.

I can't pick you up."

And the rattlesnake says, "Gee, trust me."

And this is the part I love.

She used to be a Girl Scout for about 10 minutes.

She picks the snake up and starts walking it back to the zoo,

and the snake up and bites her right on the boob.

On the boob?

Badda-bing, badda-boop.

And gives her the big sleep. Why did I get in here?

And the blond said, "Ahh!"

And she's falling down. Fuck!

She's screamin', "Oh, you promised not to bite me."

And the rattlesnake says--

"You knew what I was when you picked me up."

Yeah. Except the way I heard it told,

it was a scorpion and a toad.

Nobody gives a fuck!

You knew the punch line all along, huh?

Uh-huh. Sorry.

I guess you're just not a dumb blond, huh?

Yeah, that's good to know.

All right.

She's gone.

Where are we going?

Where you headed, cowboy?

Where you takin' her?

Undecided.

Oh, God.

Ah-choo!

Oh... Whoo!

Ah-choo! Goodness.

In wet weather it goes in threes.

No...

Ah-choo!

See?

Here you go.

Don't you fucking touch me!

Don't fucking touch me! Hey, hey, hey!

You are a passenger.

Yeah, you be polite.

Now, our judgmental trucker friend here,

he's the type of guy who likes to hunt.

He likes to theorize about prey, and he likes...

to think about worthy opponents and fair game,

just all that bullshit.

He loves it. Very romantic.

Now, he thinks he ain't a predator.

You should have seen him back at that bus.

See all these little trinkets?

These little souvenirs? Look at that.

He never saw The Horrible Thing.

He just kept the button.

Now, your genuinely dangerous individuals...

they almost never look... crazy.

They don't have any weird tattoos.

They don't have any weird stitches on their face,

no funny-shaped heads.

They are... not...

predictable.

Are you within 10 seconds of making a point there?

Yeah, you drive, he rides, and the only question

is which one of you assholes is the bigger fucking psycho!

I told you be polite, didn't I?

My bet's on the trucker.

Oh, is that right? You know what?

Why don't you two assholes just kill each other?

Aah! Get those guns out of my face!

Your money still on the trucker?

You may get me, but I get her.

You better give it a minute, boss.

It may be worth it.

Who gets who?

Both of you get fucked!

Aah!

Ohh...

She's mine!

Aah!

You can have her, after I kill her!

I ain't some kind of fucking pervert!

She's mine!

Come on.

Come on...

Uhhn!

Uhhn!

No!

No, no, no, no!

Ah, no!

Damn.

Never turn down a ride.

That would be crazy.

Hey, hey. Whoa. Down, partner.

Get your fucking hands off me.

No need to wake yourself up.

You know, you're goddamn lucky.

What do you mean?

I went through a fucking windshield.

You call me fucking lucky?

You've lost yourself some blood,

and you broke your arm and your leg,

and I guess I should mind my own business about this, huh?

Huh? Oh, uh, well...

Man, I had an accident!

You understand?

Yeah, I went through the windshield,

and I'm innocent of anything.

I had nothing to do with-- Just relax.

And don't think about the bumps in the road, okay?

Here. Oh, thanks.

Oh, no!

You?

Three. It's always three. You were right.

You bit me.

You fuckin' shot me, you son of a bitch!

You are fuckin' dead! You are!

Fuck you!

Fuck! See this?

Calm the fuck down!

Ow!

Fuck! You piece of crap! Yeah!

Rattleheaded, 200-year-old truck driver!

Calm down! Aah!

Gentlemen, please take it easy!

You two-bit cocksucker!

Calm down! Ah, shit.

You're gonna bust a blood vessel.

Stupid son of a bitch.

Now, there's a hell of a lot...

two guys like us can do...

with an ambulance like this.

Okay, boys and girls.

Seatbelts fastened, luggage stowed.

Hey, Benny, watch this. Two at once!

What's in those?

Nothin' but air, my friend.

Awesome!

Hey, Bobby, what about dessert?

Oh, oh...

We're saving her for later.