Original subtitles

It rained the day of Harry Burrard's funeral.

I suppose it said everything about Harry's life.

The last few years of it, anyway.

A life of laughter that ended in tears.

I'm not going to say much.

Words can't do any good now.

He's gone.

But what should be said is that, well, that Harry wasn't always like what most

of you remember him.

He used to be the best, and I mean that, the very best.

Top of the bill.

Ask them up there on the top shelf what happened, because it's the gods who

break you, just as it's the gods who make you.

And the gods stop laughing.

But Harry, he didn't know why.

Nobody knows why they stopped laughing, just the same as nobody knows why they

start laughing. I can tell you that for nothing.

So let's remember Harry like he was when they were still laughing,

when Harry G. Burrard was top of the bill.

Thank you.

His act was replaced by Jennings and Johnson, as much ahead of their time as

Burrard had been behind it.

Hey,

where are you going?

I'm getting out of here. This theater's been raided so many times, the police

get top billing.

And that doorman, he told you he hadn't had a bite in four days?

Well, that's all right. I bit him.

My real reason is I don't think the act is working.

Aw, pal, don't take on so. Be positive.

Okay.

I'm positive the act isn't working.

Well, whose fault is that, tightwad? Who ever heard of buying a comedy act from a

French mime artist?

It was a bargain. Some bargain. What did we get? Ten pages of blank paper.

Yes, but we didn't know that till we had it translated.

Just think what all these girls in Bradford are gonna miss. It's tragic.

Goodbye, I'm leaving all the other girls behind me.

Goodbye, I'm caught, so after this don't ever mind me.

I made the leap and I took the chance. I found the girl and she'll make me dance.

So it's a wedding trip with my own bride.

I'm Bill. Can we buy you a drink, honey? Something sharp for a sharp little lady?

Get her a gin.

Make it a double. A double.

There are a couple of cards, aren't there? There are.

Are you a card, Richard?

Me?

Well, I'm only a boy.

Julie was right. They were a couple of cards.

They existed in an atmosphere of cigars, whiskey, and cool lechery.

Uncle Nick liked them, and they respected him.

He spent many an afternoon teaching them to play billiards and snooker.

And of course, he couldn't resist showing off his trick shots.

I spent my days very differently.

My favourite Bronte country.

Now just getting drunk on all the beauty and trying to paint it wasn't enough

anymore.

I wanted Nancy to see it too.

I'm going up on the moors tomorrow to do a bit of sketching, and if you're not

doing anything, if you'd like to come.

And it's wintery, of course, but that's wonderful country.

You can walk for miles and see nobody.

I wish you'd come.

What am I supposed to do while you're painting? Stand about and freeze?

No, it is cold.

I suppose you're not used to it. Not like our girls.

What girls?

It was just an idea. Forget it.

Richard.

I just happen to remember how I've been wishing today, all day.

But, er, no, sorry, I spoke.

My goodness.

You can be artful when you try, can't you?

Come on, Nancy.

We're waiting for you.

What time do we start?

Seven o'clock sharp.

I don't know why I came up here.

There aren't even any trams.

I don't want trams for.

I like trams. There's something nice and comforting about a tram.

Are you going to be famous one day, Richard?

I mean a really famous painter.

Yes.

Nancy.

I can't meet you tonight, darling.

I'm sitting for Sir Richard Hernecastle, don't you know? The Botticelli of

Bruttersford.

He tells such amusing stories about his wild youth in the music halls.

He fell in love there, you know.

Did he?

Who with?

Oh, a little chit of a thing he took a fancy to. Common as muck, of course, but

she had quite good ankles.

He cast her aside in his ruthless rise to the top.

And she starved to death in an attic.

He wept buckets.

So romantic.

What's that noise?

Guns. An army range over there somewhere.

Cold? A bit.

Won't be long.

It was just a look on your face.

Like a happy child's look.

That's what I wanted to kiss.

Oh, I love it here.

I want to come back every summer.

Say something, Richard.

What's the matter? Aren't you enjoying it?

Don't think I've ever enjoyed a day so much in my life.

I know what you mean.

I'll remember that look till I die.

It was the first really intimate thing that happened between us.

Oh, God.

It's nearly five o'clock.

I've got to be on before seven. Oh, gosh, what are we going to do?

Katari,

Katari, how I adore you Katari, mi

amore

Definitely not from round here.

By gum, but he must have been going at a hell of a lick.

Ah, that's better.

At last.

Thank heaven you're here, me man.

The leadership of yourselves have been waiting for hours.

We are deathful. Relief is at hand, your lordship.

Lad here helped Kitchener relieve Mafeking.

Really? Got my medal to prove it, your Lordship.

Especially. Oh, very civil of your Lordship. Now, what's the problem?

There has been no movement for days. Days?

Days. We are desperate.

Oh, not to worry, your Lordship. I was out at one only the other day. No

movement for a fortnight. Bunged up solid, it was. And no wonder. If you'd

seen what I pulled out, everything but the kitchen sink.

Fuck, you had it though!

Good man.

When I get my broddler going, whoa!

That thing?

Bullcock!

Good.

Never heard a thing, your lordship.

He's walking.

Hello?

You late?

No, I am.

Hello?

Thought it was Nancy you were falling for. Hey, that's good. Can we use it?

So long.

Yeah.

That was a good house tonight.

Good for a Tuesday night.

Oh, you know what day it is? I thought you might have forgotten, as well as the

time you should be on stage.

Yeah, sorry I was a bit late, Uncle. I was up on the moors painting.

Don't lie to me, lad.

It's as good as an insult.

I was painting, Uncle.

You were out with, uh, what's her name?

Nancy Ellis, she came with me, that's all.

Isn't it allowed, taking a girl out?

Anything's allowed, as long as it doesn't interfere with your part in my

act.

That goes for Nancy Ellis or Susie or any other little tart you might take up

with. Don't ever be late on stage again.

Nancy is not a tart.

She's not female, then.

Ask this one.

She'll tell you.

Oh, have your supper without me.

Been telling you off for being late, has he?

What do you think?

What have you two asked me?

Oh, just another of his expert opinions about women.

Is she worth it?

Well, then, you can put up with his opinions.

He should have been late, Richard.

He's not professional.

He's in the right about that.

Hungry?

Just taking Kiri for supper

Mr. Arlington, forgive this intrusion.

My name is Mr.

Foster Jones.

Not unknown to you, I imagine.

I'm here on behalf of my wife.

I saw your amazing performance tonight, and I also saw a faint ray of hope.

And that, Sarah, is why I am standing here now.

I want you to make my wife disappear.

Oh, no, not on stage, of course, but actually, in real life, from a meeting,

in fact.

A public meeting?

Exactly. My wife, Mrs. Foster-Jones, is one of the leaders of the suffragette

movement. She's already suffered two periods of imprisonment, and even now

she is on the run, as they say, hiding from the police who will arrest her on

sight.

I take it you do believe that women should have the vote?

No, I don't.

Neither should most men.

Still, go on.

On Sunday night in Leeds, a big meeting has been arranged at the Forrester's

Institute. Now, the police will be there in force, of course.

But if my wife could get onto the platform and make a speech, the effect

would be sensational.

Of course, as soon as she finished speaking, they will arrest her.

That is, unless in some way.

It were possible to make her disappear?

Can you?

Will you help us?

There would be a fee.

No, no. Forget the money.

It's the problem that interests me.

Will your wife take orders from you?

We don't believe in that sort of relationship.

Well, you can tell your wife, Mr. Jones, that I cannot undertake to rescue her

from the police unless she promises to do exactly what I tell her to do.

Without question.

There'll be no difficulty there, Mr. Arlington.

We'll meet tomorrow then at the Forrester's Institute in Leeds, 10 o

'clock. I'm very grateful.

Oh, no.

Forget the thanks.

I haven't agreed yet.

Now off with you, Mr. Jones.

I'm late for my supper already.

Oh, yes, of course. I'm so sorry.

Thank you again, and good night.

Nothing for me, I suppose.

Billy do?

No. Pink envelope?

Must be a Billy do.

What's she say?

She just wants me to come and see her this morning, that's all.

Can't bear to be parted from you, is that it?

Probably.

Speak to Nancy.

Who are you?

Sheehan.

A Mr Richard Herdencastle, Esquire, presents his confluence and his size 10

boots.

I got your note.

Free, if you are.

Where should we go?

Where would you like to go?

Harrogate. It's not very far on the train and I want to take the waters for

my completion.

Right, Harrogate.

I'll be about five minutes.

I want you, lad.

Do you know where the Forrester's Hall in Leeds is?

It's near the Town Hall.

We're going now.

Now? Yes, now.

I can't. Why not?

You've no rehearsal?

You've nothing on the boy with Sam and Ben?

I've just this second agreed to be somewhere else.

I must not have made myself clear enough the other night.

You've only one priority, Lab, while you work for me.

That's to do what I ask you to do.

Anybody else plays second fiddle.

Whoever she is.

And I might as well say this while I'm at it.

I'm getting tired of having to repeat myself.

I'll wait for you in the car for exactly two minutes.

Do we even get to know why we have to go to Leeds?

To see a man about a dog.

It'll be a sight more interesting than running after some tart.

Oh, it's him again.

I think he's tied to a piece of elastic.

I'm not ready yet.

Um, well, I can't manage it.

Can we change it till this afternoon?

Won't his uncle let him play out, then?

Well, I have to go to Leeds on some business. He has to go to Leeds and he

wants me to go with him. I want to go to Harrogate.

Well, we could go this afternoon.

So you're going to Leeds with your uncle, then, are you?

I'll have to.

Well, even you can't be in two places at once, so off with you to Leeds.

Richard, I'll meet you at the station at one o'clock.

I'll teach you to play around.

Not your bloody mother.

Hello, Mr. Arlerton.

This is Mrs. Muriel Dirks.

She will be chairing the meeting on Sunday next week.

How do you do, Mr. Arlington?

It's marvelous for you to help us.

We're always especially pleased when a man sympathizes with our cause.

I don't sympathize with it.

Driving over from Bradford.

Uncle Nick had condescended to tell me a bit of what we were supposed to be

doing.

It must have appealed to his vanity because he obviously wasn't interested

in suffragettes.

Just as I hoped.

Stairs on either side with a pass door back there.

Um... These seats, will they be occupied on Sunday?

Every seat will be filled. We put a screen in front of the pass door.

Mrs. Foster-Jones exits a bit uncertainly behind the screen, comes out

again as if she's changed her mind, and goes out by one of the stairs.

Police move in and arrest her.

And it won't be Mrs. Foster-Jones?

Exactly.

Sheila swapped coats and hats with the second woman and made her escape through

the pass door.

Mr. Ollerton, what's this about a second woman?

The woman who'll be impersonating your wife while she escapes.

Why don't the police have to be very stupid to be deceived by that?

Don't teach me my business.

Here's the manners of a ruffian.

Typical arrogant man.

We've got to trust him, Muriel.

Agnes shall be sold, the sort of man we're trusting with her freedom.

Have you got a photograph of your wife by any chance?

As a matter of fact, I have, yes.

Well, well.

Who do you think she looks like, Richard?

Julie Blaine.

You're in luck.

Your wife has a passing resemblance to an actress in our company. She could do

the impersonation.

Splendid. Isn't it, Muriel?

An actress? We don't even know.

Only trouble is she drinks.

Still, you can't have everything, can you?

Are you really going to ask Julie to do it? Why not?

You don't even like her.

I'm not going to sleep with her, lad. I thought that was your department.

It isn't a bit risky. I mean, she might end up in prison instead of Mrs Foster

-Jones. She might well.

You'd have to find somebody else to lust for then, wouldn't you?

I'm not lusting after Julie Blaine!

I can't get the taste of that.

awful water out of my mouth. I thought spa water was supposed to be good for

you, not poison you. You know, like the man said, it strengtheneth stomach,

gooden quick appetite and furthereth digestion.

What more can you want?

What does a love potion taste like? It tastes horrible.

Everything that's good for you tastes horrible. It's one of the laws of the

universe. You think a love potion would be good for you, do you?

If you need one.

You don't?

No.

Don't you flatter yourself?

Yeah.

This is how you like me to be, isn't it, Richard?

All froth and giggles.

I can't be like that all the time.

What about when I'm old and grey?

I think I'll just remember you like you are now.

Forever and ever.

Until the colours of the rainbow fade.

Yeah.

Richard!

Okay.

We're just going to get you some help, Mr. Arlington.

As I anticipated, the journey to meet Mrs. Foster-Jones at her secret hideaway

in the winter-strewn hills was more than a little tricky.

Apart from them disliking each other, Uncle Nick hadn't told Julie why we were

actually going.

He was being his usual perverse self, I suppose.

So Julie, in her turn, was looking for opportunities to be willful.

And she found one.

when we got stuck in the snow conveniently near a public house.

Want the rose?

Much better than her mum, honest.

Muriel Dirks lived in a lovely old cottage, which was soon echoing the

sound of Uncle Nick's voice, as I suspected it might.

He seemed to see her as a challenge as soon as he walked through the door.

Over the nut cutlets and date sandwiches, they held forth at ever

-increasing length.

She was more than a match for him.

So you think women should be condemned to play a minor role forever, do you,

Mr. Arlington?

They should play the role they were made for, like everybody.

Born the weaker sex, remain the weaker sex.

That's the way nature works.

But shouldn't women at least have the chance to show what they can do? Hear,

hear. The best will make their own chances, like the best men do.

But the best women can't even vote, Mr. Arlington.

Now, do you think I should have the vote, for instance?

That depends on whether you're an idiot or not.

That's insulting!

He's an expert at that. Please, rather than say an illiterate labourer... As

I've said, I don't know.

Really?

You're afraid to give us the vote, Mr. Arlington.

You're afraid that women might start to ask some awkward questions, questions we

ask ourselves when we look at our sons.

What's the use of all your seeking, all your achieving, your competing, when we

know, we know from our babies at our breasts, that it's love and tenderness

that are the most precious of God's gifts?

I think you feel threatened.

by our having the vote I think you feel threatened by the prospect of our being

your equals.

I haven't met a woman yet who was my equal.

Haven't you?

Then you've missed a terrible lot Mr. Ollenton. We can be quite interesting

and stimulating in every way.

And so say all of us.

I think we should discuss the events of Sunday night and listen to Mr.

Ollenton's instructions.

That is, if your wife still wants to hear them, I think she might think I'm

trying to play God Almighty.

I'll tell you one thing, Mr. Arlington.

You're a better magician than I am.

No, please, I'm all ears.

I take it your husband has described the mechanics of the plan, the screen, the

pastoral? Yes.

Miss Blaine here will be waiting behind the screen to make the change with you.

The police will then be tricked into arresting her while you escape.

Me?

Why, didn't you know, Miss Blaine?

No.

Still, we're all just props to Mr. Ollenton.

Let's go through it again. How many more times do you have to do this?

Till we can do it in our sleep.

It doesn't bother me how many times we have to rehearse it.

As long as it confuses the cops.

And helps a lady in distress.

Yeah, let's hear it for ladies in distress everywhere.

God bless them.

Right, Miss Blaine.

I get there early with a bright red coat and two hats. I'll buy tomorrow.

I give the coat in one of the hats to Mrs. Foster-Jones, and I wait behind the

screen while she's talking. When she comes behind the screen again, I take

the coat, go down the steps, imitating a walk, and hope to find myself arrested.

Don't forget to practice the change till you can do it in under three seconds.

I'll do my best, Mr. Arlington.

Bill. Hank and I wait for the lady outside the pass door here.

Then we just lead her out of the building this way.

Two-gallon American gentleman coming to the assistance of a nice old lady. It

was ever thus.

There won't be a dry eye in the house.

Richard, I leave my seat here and go after Miss Blaine and tell the

police who she really is and try keeping her as long as possible.

Why can't I do that?

Why can't I go after Julie? Why does it have to be him?

Because you're the key to the whole thing, Tommy.

It's monstrously cruel and it's degrading.

And I tell you, sisters, we are getting through to the conscience of the nation.

More and more people are beginning to say that it can't be right to treat

women like animals just because they want the vote.

The Forester's Hall was indeed packed tight.

Not just with women, but with an intensity of belief and purpose.

The atmosphere was electric.

Though I felt out of place, both as a man and a neutral, I couldn't help being

affected by all the sincerity and emotion.

Fellow campaigners, supporters, you can have no idea of the intense

pleasure and hope for the future it gives me to see so many of you here

today.

Literate farm labourers can choose your government, provided they have a house.

But the principle of Lady Margaret Hall Oxford cannot.

Now, men may be the technical creators and achievers,

but it is women who are the sustainers of society.

Without women, it would crumble to dust.

Yet we are treated as inferiors.

We are considered unfit to choose those whose decisions shape our lives and our

children's lives.

We are no better than slaves, ladies and gentlemen.

And we shall not fail.

We shall fight for our rights, for what is due to our dignity.

We demand to be heard.

And we shall win!

All right, madam. If you don't give us any trouble, we won't give you any. Who

are you?

I'm Detective Inspector Woods, and I have orders to take you into custody,

Mrs Foster-Jones.

Don't be silly. I'm not Mrs Foster-Jones. What's going on?

Richard, this man's trying to accost me. He says he's a policeman.

You can clear off now!

Miss Blaine is a friend of mine. We're on the same variety bill at Leeds Empire

this week. I must say, Inspector, you're not very flattering if you can't tell

the difference between me and Mrs Foster-Jones.

She's years older.

I'm an actress, a present playing in a sketch with Tommy Beamish, the comedian.

You must come and see it.

You're right.

I've seen you. Where's the coat?

Bought yesterday.

Do you like it? Isn't it gorgeous?

Quickly, Sergeant.

You must still be here.

Thank you very much, officer.

Goodbye, dear little old lady.

Bon voyage, darling.

Thank you, Mr. Arlington.

You know, I would have trusted you with my life.

Uncle Nick had pulled it off with his usual efficiency and style.

And I had accidentally moved closer to Julie Blaine.

And though a queer sensation You wish it could never

stop But down you slide on the other side With a flip

-flap flop Take me on

Dear do It looks so lovely Down below So you pay

your money And up you go And though we're sensational You

wish it would never stop But down you slide On the other side We're

lovely

Marvelous. Marvelous. This is my nephew, Richard Hernecastle. My agent, Mr

Bosonby. Well, well, well, well.

My congratulations, young man.

What for?

What for?

I'll tell you what for.

Because you are working with one of the cleverest and one of the most successful

artists in variety today.

I've had them all, I know.

Marvelous. Of course, you realise it's a privilege, don't you?

Of course you realise it's a privilege.

No, he doesn't. He thinks I'm a swine.

Of course I don't. It's a marvelous act and getting better and better all the

time. That vanishing cyclist certainly had me beaten.

And I've seen them all. I've seen them all.

Oh, Richard, tell Sissy not to wait up. I'm having supper with Mr. Boson.

Bosonby.

You'd better walk her back to the digs yourself.

Oh, by the way, we're losing that girl Sissy says you fancy.

They're all going into pantomime at, uh...

Where is it, Joe?

Plymouth. Theatre Royal.

Start rehearsing next week.

It's your Nancy you fancy, is it?

Can't say I'm surprised.

Can't say I blame you.

Still, that's the way it is in this business. Here today and gone tomorrow.

Book the musical tiplos to replace them. Nice, refined act. Always go down well.

father and two daughters.

Not that our young friend here will cast a sharp eye on either of those two.

Oh, he seems upset.

If I were you, Dick, I wouldn't say anything to her tonight.

I don't think you're in the right mood.

You might say something you'd be sorry for after.

I won't be long, Sissy.

I didn't take her advice.

Nobody could have stopped me behaving like a young idiot.

I was a sour vat of anger, bitterness and stupidity.

Oh, Richard.

I've just been thinking about our day on the moors. I'd like to go back in the

spring or summer sometime.

I just heard you're leaving.

Going into a pantomime. Yes, Plymouth.

I'm playing Cinderella and Susie's the fairy godmother.

You sound very happy about it.

Well, I am.

Panto's more fun. You're in a company and you can get settled without having

to move every week. I must say, for someone who pretends not to like being

on stage, I can't say a panto should be more fun.

It was showing even more leg every afternoon and evening. Oh, stop it,

Richard. And I also had this strange idea we were friends.

I wish you could hear yourself.

Oh, I'm hearing myself.

And I know if I were leaving, I'd be sorry and not...

Sounds so bloody happy about it. Oh, go and swear at somebody else. Good night.

Good night.

If I'd had any sense, I'd have gone looking for her, and we'd have done some

real arguing and then made it up.

But I wasn't going to make the first move, and neither was she.

What I didn't understand was what it would be like when she really had gone.

While she was still close at hand around any corner, the quarrel was like a kind

of idiot game I was playing.

But as soon as she was 300 miles away, there was a great blank in the pattern

of my life, quite impossible to ignore, until the whole pattern changed, leaving

her out of it.

Then I changed with it.

First in anger, then despair.

After that, of course, I wasn't quite the same chap.