Original subtitles

(man)Yeah, it's right over here. I'll show you.

(woman)Honey, I'm gonna go to the restroom.

Hey, dad, when you go up to give your acceptance speech,

do you want me to stand next to you

and pretend I'm doing sign language?

Bobby, the blue flame of valor award is the highest honor

the Texas propane gas association can bestow

upon any current or active member in peacetime.

(hank)Show some respect.

Uh, mr. Strickland's wife is beautiful.

(hank)That's not his wife.

(hank)That's Debbie from work.

Pretty gal like that should have been able to get a date.

[People chattering]

[Tapping]

I hope y'all enjoyed your meal.

I haven't, uh, seen so much chicken in one room

since the democratic national convention.

Nothing.

Now, the first blue flame of valor of this millennium

goes to mr. Hank hill of strickland propane.

(bobby)Yeah. Way to go, dad!

[All applauding]

[Clearing throat]

Thank you.

As a young boy,

I always dreamed of winning the super bowl.

Then, as most of you know,

that dream was crushed along with my ankle

in the class 2-a state football championship.

Well, I knocked around for a while and sowed my oats,

got a job at jeans west.

Long story short, one day at j.w.,

I sold a pair of jordache

to a man who would change my life.

To quote dr. Luther king, I had another dream:

To sell propane and propane accessories.

Dr. King.

Mmm-hmm.

The name of the man and the distributorship

who made me dream again: Strickland.

The "s" stands for service.

The "t" is for trust.

. "R" is for reliability

now, the "I" stands for...

(mrs. Strickland) Jackass!

[Exclaims]

No. No, it's for integrity

that's not even the right letter.

(man)That's mrs. Strickland. This ought to be good.

Now, miz liz, just calm down, here.

We-we're in public.

You are in public with this little bimbo

in front of half our Christmas-card list.

Are those my mother's earrings?

"C" is for, uh, compassion.

I want you out of the house!

Yeah, but, sweetie...

and out of the lake house!

Out of the lake house?

I'm sorry I stole your thunder, hank.

Please, start over.

Uh, hmm... well, uh...

uh, now, where was I?

(man) "D" for done.

Hank, my office, pronto.

??[humming]

Morning, Debbie.

Now, we gotta move fast.

Hank, give me whatever cash you got.

Uh-huh, son, you just bought yourself a barbecue joint.

(hank)"I hereby transfer

100 percent ownership of sugarfoot's barbecue to hank hill."

Yeah, that's right. And after my divorce is final,

you'll therefore transfer 100 percent ownership back to me.

Miz liz can't have half of what I don't own, you see?

[Laughing]

You sabe, don't you?

Sir, I didn't even know you own sugarfoot's.

That place is an institution, I'll tell you what.

You got your sawdust on the floor

the brisket served up on butcher paper.

Yeah, yeah, dang it, hank, this ain't poetry night.

Now don't worry. The place runs itself.

The help makes the barbecue, I make the money.

Now, go tell, uh, joe jack to come get his new evinrude outboard,

and take roger his scimitar, would you?

With the power vested in me by the great state of Texas,

I hereby notarize this beer coaster.

(Peggy)Congratulations, hank.

(Peggy)You own a barbecue restaurant.

And, because we live in a community-property state, I own half.

So, in addition, congratulations to me.

Now, listen here, children. We're a family.

Now, daddy still calls the shots,

But debbie's your new mama

[exclaims]

Aw! Shoot!

Pleasant mornin' to all y'all.

My name's jewel Crawford, attorney at law.

I know all about you, you sorry sack of sakrete.

Sticks and stones, buck.

That's all you're gonna be left with.

Well, you must be the adulteress co-respondent in this divorce.

Aren't you pretty.

I see how you could make a weak man stupid.

[Giggling] Thank you.

Judge yarborough sends his best regards, and this.

It tells you when you gotta leave, which is now,

and where you gotta go, which is out.

There. You all caught up.

Ah, dang it, miz liz! Leggo my eggos.

I'm sorry you had to hear that, miz liz.

Now, you drag yourself out that door

before my ostrich boot puts your eggos back in the toaster.

Thank you, jewel.

[Muttering]

Debbie, you stay here.

I need you to be my eyes and ears.

I'm his eyes and ears.

Yes, but your butt belongs to me.

Because from now on,

I am the strickland in strickland propane.

[Groans]

Uh, look, mrs. Strickland, I believe in being direct,

so, uh, well, can you just fire me now?

I figure you probably wanna bring in your own people, and...

my people shop. Relax, hank.

I and my lawyer want this business to be profitable.

I can't do that without you.

I need you on my team.

Hmm. Well, I do love teamwork.

Hank, what's the worst job on this team?

Worst-paying or most degrading?

Ah, hell, it's the same for both. Tank wipe.

Debbie, you're on tank wipe!

[People chattering]

(Peggy)Ugh, sawdust.

(customer bobby)Hey, Wayne.

(Wayne)Hey, bobby.

Oh, this place has so many possibilities.

Hello, my name is Peggy hill.

I am the new owner of sugarfoot's.

What happened to mr. Buck?

Oh, mr. Buck is going through a nasty divorce.

So he sold this restaurant to me and my husband

who will be a silent partner.

Ok. Nice meetin' you.

Well, I have not met you yet,

because you have not told me your name.

Well, that there is Alvin, our sauce man.

Bubba, he serves the barbecue beans,

(little john)Okra, coleslaw, what have you.

And that merrill. She take the money.

I'm little john. I cut meat.

Well, it is very nice to meet you, little john.

As my first order of business,

I want you to know that you are no longer employees.

You are now teammates on team Peggy hill,

and I am your captain, Peggy hill.

Uh-huh. That'd be fine

oh-oh.

[Grunting]

[Birds chirping]

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm looking for building 25, apartment 318-d.

This is it.

Yeah, I'm in here, old top

huh, you know, debbie's place is right next to sugarfoot's.

That's a coincidence.

No coincidence

I like to eat, I like to hump, and I don't like to drive.

So I built sugarfoot's next to the singles complex.

Have a seat.

That's my Italian scatter gun.

That gun, that saddle, them boots,

one measly box of cash.

That's all I can hide from my wife and that damn jewel Crawford.

Oh, eBay has a smokey and the bandit

screamin' eagle black trans am hot wheels,

still in the blister pack.

Hey, buck, can I borrow $400?

This is debbie's roommate, Laura.

It's gale.

Here's where I'm gonna stick my "light my Firebird."

You're gonna shut up now, is what you're gonna do.

God dang it! Are those my pecan sandies?

That was dinner.

Hank, let's do something nice for our tummies, huh?

[Sighs]

Uh, what would you recommend if none of this looks good?

Crepes saint jack.

And the florentine for madam.

[Sighs]

I can remember,

barely,

when waiters didn't call me madam.

[Sobbing]

Uh, uh, looks like you need a refill.

Oh, hank, I can forgive my husband's benders,

and the profanity,

and his inappropriate comfort with all aspects of the human body.

But it's the women, hank.

My purse of forgiveness is finally empty.

Oh, please, don't make me choose sides

mr. Strickland's been very good to me.

And I've worked for him as long as he's been cheating on you.

We both deserve better, hank.

I'd like you to have this.

Hank rutherford hill.

I'm making you manager, and I'm giving you a raise

wow! Manager?

Well, I... I hope you won't pass the cost of my raise on to the customer.

[Laughing]You.

Ah, welcome to our very first team meeting.

Now, this is our new suggestion box.

It is a way for each of us to anonymously suggest ways,

we can whip this place into shape

without fear of losing your job.

[Rattling]

Oh, someone's already made a suggestion.

This is exciting.

"Sweep out the sawdust and put down carpet.

Carpettex is having another going-out-of-business sale."

Excellent. Approved.

You know, that box would work better if you cut a hole in the top.

Mmm-hmm, possibly.

Now, in addition to the anonymous suggestion,

I have a few thoughts of my own

Alvin, when customers walk into sugarfoot's,

What's their first thought?

"I'm hungry"?

Uh-uh. It's, "why isn't this place good enough to be a chain?"

Now, my own experience tells me

that people are willing to sacrifice individuality

for comfort and familiarity.

And in his autobiography,

wendy's founder Dave Thomas agrees.

I like them square hamburgers.

Exactly. Now, everyone, please open up your chore envelope.

[Phone ringing]

Hello. Oh, hi, mrs. Strickland.

Uh-huh?

A propane emergency?

[Clock chiming]

Come in, hank. There seems to be.

A... a propane leak in the master bathroom

huh. Is it the whirlpool or the heater?

Huh, you're the professional.

I just know it's not hot enough in there

yet.

Sounds like the heater.

Huh.

This might be electrical.

I knew you were the right man for the job.

You know, I gotta be hones t with you, miz liz.

I was worried when you took over at strickland.

Could you pass me more of those bath beads?

Oh, sure.

And I didn't wanna have to leave strickland.

Is that champagne?

And these are 2 glasses.

Huh.

Huh. Uh, yup. A backup glass, in case one of them breaks.

Hank, let's get in there and make some soup.

[Screams]

Oh, honey! Oh, no, no, no, wait.

[Moaning]

Wait, wait.

(mrs. Strickland)Hank, I am so embarrassed about last night.

You're a real gentleman,

and I was a little less than a lady.

I'll try to be patient with you,

and with my desires.

Uh-uh, well, you know, there's no personal...

uggh...

it was my fault, and I'm turning over a new leaf.

Now, here's your new manager's uniform.

Put it on and let's go into the showroom.

In recognition of his dedication to this company,

I have promoted hank hill

to be the new manager of strickland propane.

[All applauding]

[Man chuckles]

Boy-toy.

[All laughing]

Boy-toy? I don't even know what that means.

It means you're miz liz's Debbie.

Hey.

See you around, Debbie.

Judas h. Priest, Debbie!

Did you shove a cat down this drain?

I haven't had time to do anything except be your wife's slave.

Buck, you gotta do somethin'.

You're on your own, Debbie

I can't help you no more.

Well, I'm tired of wipin' tanks all day to support this home

while you sit there like a king,

watchin' all my children with gale. Jeez!

Now, I am not a history buff,

but I tell you, I don't remember

Louis xiv spendin' his days pulling hippie hair out of drains!

You're out of tortilla chips, buck.

Well, that's it.

Debbie, get me my flip-flops.

I'm going to shave in the pool.

[Car engine starting]

Poor Peggy, doesn't suspect a thing about miz liz.

There is nothing to suspect.

I haven't done anything except my job.

Well, you can kiss that goodbye

unless you kiss miz li z in a pleasing manner.

You could call the equal employment opportunity commission.

Or you could just put out.

6 of one.

I'm not going to put out, I'm not going to lose my job,

and I'm not going to let Peggy find out about any of this.

Dale, give me a cigarette.

I thought you quit because cigarettes cause death.

They do, you know, so pace yourself.

[Crickets chirping]

Need a light?

Ah. What the...

Debbie?

What are you doin' here?

Why are you in your underwear?

I need you to protect me from miz liz.

She hates me.

Well, you are having an affair with her husband.

No, I was havin' an affair with my boss

you're my boss now.

Hank.

[Exclaims]

No, sir. I'm sorry, but at this point in time,

I'm going to have to reject your advances.

Hank, stop it!

Oh, god!

This ain't over!

Nobody rejects Debbie grund.

Well, I just did.

You'll be sorry, hank hill.

What the... mr. Strickland?

Well, well! The plaintiff called me

gloatin' all about your little rub-a-dub-dub in my tub.

Now, soup is good food, hank,

but keep your spoon in your own bowl.

Sir, we go back 15 years.

And in all that time I have only had one mistress,

and her name is propane.

Peggy and I have an understanding about that.

Oh, heck, hank, I believe you.

I know you don't have sex.

Well, that is not exactly accurate.

I had it all, hank. I had a good wife to mother me,

I had a pretty young girlfriend.

I was livin'like a frenchman.

But I blew it.

I lost my wife, and my money.

And now I want my wife and my money back.

Mrs. Strickland, you told buck that we made soup

when you know darn well that we most certainly did not make soup.

Yes, hank, I did. I told him we made a big bowl of "cream of us."

And for that, I'm sorry.

Cream of...

what kind of teamwork was that?

Buck and I have been doing the same dance for 32 years.

I needed to dip him for a change.

I've never seen a man so dipped in his life.

Oh, buck.

So you dragged my good name through the dirt just to make buck jealous.

Oh, try and forgive me, hank.

You know what? In the name of forgiveness

why don't you let me buy you dinner at sugarfoot's tonight?

6:00. Yeah.

Yeah, forgiveness.

Buck, I thought you might be in the mood

for something besides spaghettios. Uh-huh?

How about meetin' me at sugarfoot's for dinner?

Keep an eye on your hidden assets?

Ok. I'll see you at 6:00.

[Phone ringing]

Hello?

(Debbie)May I please speak to Peggy?

No, I'm sorry. Peggy's at sugarfoot's

can I take a message?

Tell her that Debbie grund slept with her husband.

Who is this?

It's Debbie.

Remember me?

Put that old lady back on.

Maybe she can talk some sense into you.

Oh, don't bother with that message.

Sugarfoot's is right across the street.

I'll tell your wife myself.

No, no, uh, you, uh, you don't wanna do that.

Why not?

Well, uh, because then it would make it even harder for us to, uh,

uh, pursue our relationship.

So we're gonna do it?

[Chuckling

uh, y-yes, we are going to do it.

[Chuckling]

I like it when you talk dirty.

Therefore, I'm now going to drive over there, baby.

[Sighs]

I just had phone sex.

Welcome to peggy's sugarfoot's.

And how many in your party?

Bobby, quick! Where's your mother?

What the hell happened to this place

[train whistle blowing]

Uh-uh, Peggy, Peggy, have you seen Debbie from work?

It is always about your work, isn't it, hank?

Well, we're not at strickland propane now

we are at peggy's sugarfoot's.

You haven't said one word about how I've turned this place around.

Yo, miss Peggy!

The choo-choo's gone off the track.

That's 6 times a day that thing

gone off the track that I know of.

Now, what the hell happened to this place?

It's prissier than tony roma's.

Yeah, yeah. Why don't you take a seat?

Bobby.

[Gasps]

Miz liz?

Buck.

Oh, my god!

There used to be a horseshoe over the door

that we took off a horse on... on our honeymoon.

And these walls. They used to be

the same smoky color as your eyes.

What have they done to sugar foot's, sugar foot?

Oh, why, you haven't called me sugar foot in years.

Buck, you got to promise me...

oh, sweetheart, baby, I know it. Don't you worry about nothin'

because you know what?

Debbie is history.

Oh, my god! Debbie! I've got to stop her.

[Knocking on door]

I gotta talk to Debbie.

Hmm-mm, everybody is gonna love my new barbecue sauce

[gunshot]

What was that?

Hello? Is anybody there?

Hank, is that you?

Mr. Strickland? Miz liz?

All right. Whoever you are,

we do not accept any bills larger than $20.

[Gasps]

[Can lid squeaking]

[Screaming]

Debbie? Somebody shot Debbie!

(joe)Boy-toy.