Original subtitles

Ray is missing and I'm going to need help in finding him.

Magnum, what are you doing with Mr. Masters' binoculars?

Do you deal with Hall of Records a lot?

Next!

Get off the case, Magnum. You're getting in our way.

Ray Jones!

No. Wait a minute. I know her.

- I know. She's your sister. - No!

Ray?

Ray?

Ray, I knew you'd come back. Ray. Ray, come on.

Come on, sweetie. Where are...

Who are you? What do you want?

Where's Ray Jones?

Get her.

Let's get out of here.

Here in paradise,

there are at least three different ways of looking at time.

There's the traditional mainland kind of time.

People say, "Let's meet at 8:00." And that's more or less what they mean.

Then there's Hawaiian time, which is a lot more flexible.

8:00 may mean 7:00 or 9:00 or not at all,

depending on an infinite variety of factors.

However, even in paradise there's also a time frame

which seems to operate on a mysterious circadian rhythm all its own.

Bureaucratic time.

Roughly, that translates into, "Stand in line until we're ready for you.

Then do it our way or not at all."

Mr. Matsuda, I have the basic title information that you'll need.

But I think you're going to need to have a new land survey taken.

This early method of determining property lines by natural landmarks

was ruled invalid in 1937.

And this is strictly R-1 zoning. Residential and agricultural use only.

It says so on the title?

Oh, no, but if you'll recall,

the Hanaui community outlawed commercial zoning in 1954.

But I'm sure you must be planning to farm the land, right?

Because with an annual crop yield of 22% above the state average,

now I ask you, what else would you do with it?

Yes.

It's due to the unique soil compound and the near perfect sun-rain ratio.

I'm sorry.

You know all of this or you wouldn't be buying the land.

I thought it would be a nice place for a restaurant.

Good day.

Hey, that's incredible. I mean, did you grow up in Hanaui or something?

Anyone who's ever spent the day there

knows a few vital statistics about the area.

Mr. Magnum.

Ms. Jones, I was wondering

if anybody had been able to get me the file on Nigel Hucksby.

Oh, yes. It's right here.

Mr. Magnum,

I was wondering if I might speak to you privately.

- Ms. Jones? - What?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I've forgotten how to get into the classified file.

Karen, please. I have explained this process to you twice.

Would you please try to remember?

First, you...

If you could just give me the Hucksby file.

Mr. Magnum, just one moment. I'm busy.

Well, so am I. I'm trying to save a little girl's life.

No!

Ms. Jones.

Ray! Ray, is it really you?

Of course it's really him.

- Do you mind? - Sorry.

Ray, where are you? I have been worried half to death.

Well, of course I remember what you said.

But you always say that when you leave.

I know you don't mean it.

I'm sorry if I interrupted at a bad time.

No, no. That's okay. Are you new here?

Yes, it's my first day. I just transferred from DMV.

- I'm Karen Summers. - Thomas Magnum. Hi.

Hi.

Do you deal with Hall of Records a lot?

From time to time.

Good.

Ray, I don't understand what you're saying.

You are saying never

means not ever.

I love you, Ray.

Don't do this to me, Ray. Don't...

That was a personal conversation.

We didn't mean to eavesdrop.

If you'd just give me that file, I'd...

You fill out one of these pink Y473s and you take this to security.

It's the same guy!

Ms. Jones, thank you. You may have just helped me find a kidnapper.

Mr. Magnum, please, I...

Oh, about Ray, as usual, everything will be okay.

Bye.

Bye.

Next!

Goal by Nigel Hucksby III from Maui.

Final score, Maui: 4, Prince of Wales: 3.

There will be an hour's break before the next match between Fort Shafter...

We took it to the final gun, Cornwallis.

We've no reason to feel ashamed.

They played the white team. We played the white team.

Those were nice passes.

Magnum?

Higgins.

What are you doing with Mr. Masters' binoculars?

They're not Robin's, they're T.C.'s.

And do you mind? I'm staking out little Allison's kidnapper.

You know who...

You know who the kidnapper is?

Now see what you've done?

That's not little Allison's kidnapper. That's Nigel Hucksby III.

Now where is she, Nigel? What have you done with little Allison?

Little Allison?

She is mature for her age.

I wish Robin had told me that it was little Allison

who kidnapped Nigel and not the other way around.

Thanks so much for rescuing little Allison, Mr. Magnum.

Don't mention it.

And, Jonathan, please tell Robin how grateful I am for everything.

Of course, Mrs. Thurston.

Let's go, Allison.

Oh, Thomas has said that I can live here with him.

What? No...

No, I never said anything like that, Allison.

Little Allison shouldn't be telling her mother stories.

Magnum, really. You shouldn't say things a child can misinterpret.

And Jonathan has offered to take me to Europe.

Jonathan?

I never said...

Now, Allison.

Bye-bye, boys.

The next time Robin calls about a little girl lost,

I want current photographs.

Quite.

Oh, I almost forgot.

T.C.'s been calling the main house.

He insists that you return his binoculars today.

Binoculars?

Oh, I'm in no condition now to do anything but sleep.

If he calls again, tell him I'm recuperating.

There are exceptional situations, I suppose, where that can be debated.

Perhaps even refuted.

I understand that Thomas Magnum lives here.

I'm afraid he's in no condition to receive visitors.

Please...

Just tell him Madeline Jones wouldn't be here

if it wasn't a matter of life and death.

Do you think he'll be much longer?

I'm quite certain he'll be here any minute.

It's just that I need to talk to him as soon as possible.

Isn't that the Raskilonovich Maneuver?

What?

The Raskilonovich Maneuver,

named after the Russian grandmaster of the 20s.

Isn't that what you just did?

Yeah, I guess so.

I saw a diagram of it once in a book in my dentist's office.

The Raskilonovich Maneuver

is one of the most complicated chess moves ever developed

and you picked it up by just leafing through a book in your dentist's office?

- Higgins. - Mr. Magnum.

Magnum, wait.

Higgins.

Just a moment, Magnum.

Would you consider showing me that again?

You tricked me!

Magnum, please. This is the opportunity of a lifetime.

You gave me a phony name just to get me over here.

Your name isn't Madeline Jones?

Well, my friends call me Maddie, if that's what you mean.

That's not what I mean and you know it.

You're not Madeline Jones. You're not Maddie Jones.

You're Ms. Jones.

That's what they call me at the office.

Where, Higgins,

where she keeps people standing in line for hours,

takes personal phone calls,

while these same people are waiting for information.

And then, Higgins, then she yells

at these same people for trying to be friendly and polite.

- Those people being you. - Yes.

Be that as it may,

she has reason to believe that her husband's life is in danger.

She is in need of help, and beyond all that,

she knows the Raskilonovich Maneuver.

- I think you should listen to her. - The what?

Mr. Magnum, Ray is missing.

Ray? Missing?

You just talked to him this morning.

Well, that was the first time I had heard from him in two weeks.

We...

Yeah, but still. I mean, if he called you, that means he's all right.

No, because, see, the only reason he called me

was to tell me to stop looking for him.

I think he was afraid that I was going to get hurt.

Yesterday, these two men broke into our house and they turned it upside down.

Now, I know he's in some kind of trouble.

And I'm going to need help in finding him.

But...

But...

Why me?

I mean, there must be other private investigators

who come to you for information.

Why don't you call one of them?

You're the best of a bad lot.

And if you don't help me...

I don't know what I'll do.

Magnum.

Where did you last see him?

Ray usually doesn't leave very much behind when he goes.

You make it sound like it happens on a regular basis.

After our first divorce,

Ray and I agreed on a non-binding marital renewal agreement.

Non-binding? What... Never mind.

It's actually a very liberated concept.

My relationship with Ray is unencumbered by barbaric rituals

and ceremonies designed to keep one of the partners enslaved.

Our first wedding.

"Planned Application Mechanisms

"and Their Utilization in Resolving Goal Conflicts in Infinite Loops"?

Artificial intelligence.

It was... Well, it is Ray's passion.

Programming computers to think like humans.

Basically.

You see, Ray believes that AI, that's artificial intelligence,

can be mankind's next great step forward.

And I think that if anyone can make the breakthrough, my Ray can.

This is what he does for a living.

No. He's a computer programmer.

But he spends all of his spare time on this.

And someday...

Does he have any friends or hobbies?

Well, no friends really.

Oh. Recently he developed an interest in firearms.

He even purchased a hand gun.

He said it relaxed him to go to the target range.

Now, I can't just help but wonder if maybe

he wasn't worried about his own safety.

May I keep these?

Yes. But don't lose them, please.

Who did he write programs for?

Uh, retail outlets. Big corporations.

He has a small but prestigious clientele.

Do you think that those guys who were looking for him

were maybe unhappy customers?

No, I don't think so. But it's a place to start.

His billing printout.

This isn't right.

What?

This name and address. It's never been on this printout before.

How can you tell that? There's gotta be 50 names there.

I would remember something like this.

- What, this one? - Yeah.

"Mark Phelps."

"U.S. Mail, 117 King Street, Cable P.S. Help."

That's a downtown post office branch.

But, you see, if Ray had gotten a big account like the post office,

I would have been the very first one to know about it.

I wouldn't think a post office would have a cable address.

So what do we do now?

Well, we go down there and we ask a few questions.

It's after 9:00. And if anybody is still working there,

do you really think that somebody's going to let us in.

Hey. That's why you hired a private investigator. I'll get us in.

And we will not leave until I get some answers.

How are you?

Come here.

This is absolutely incredible.

Incredible? It's embarrassing.

Have you ever seen anything like this before?

No! Now come on. Let's get out of here.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

We can't leave yet.

Why not?

Because you haven't talked to the manager,

and he might be able to give us some information on Mark Phelps.

All right. Two more minutes. But if he doesn't show up, I'm leaving.

Thank you.

And now, for something completely different.

The U.S. Male Revue is proud to present

the postal care of your dreams.

Ladies and gentlemen, a nice round of applause.

Mandy, the lady mailman.

On the other hand, we could always reach him on the phone.

There really isn't any point in hanging around here.

No. Wait a minute. I mean, you're right. Why be hasty?

Excuse me. I'm Paul Scott, the manager here.

And I understand you've been asking about me.

Yes, I'm Thomas Magnum, and this is Ms. Jones.

- Hello. - How do you do?

Oh, we were supposed to deliver a computer to a Mark Phelps.

But the address on the invoice is here.

The model XJ9-7000. With attachments.

Yeah. So we were just wondering if you'd seen him here.

Does this look like the place where you'd buy a computer?

You don't know him?

No, I don't.

Tony, give these folks their last drink.

On the house.

- Enjoy. - Oh, thank you.

Now what?

I'm thinking. I'm thinking.

I don't believe it.

Oh, I am. I'm thinking.

Karen Summers with Ray!

Ray Jones!

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

You lost him.

No wonder he told me to quit looking for him.

Look, I don't think he's having an affair with Karen Summers.

Then why else would they have been there together?

Well, maybe they...

Maybe they weren't there together.

I mean, maybe, coincidentally, he sat down at her table

and then she slipped away because she was embarrassed

for you to see her there.

You think so?

Well, it's certainly very possible.

And besides, if he was cheating on you, I mean,

why would two guys rip up your house looking for him?

That's true.

Yes, of course it's true.

And then why this sudden interest in guns,

unless he was worried about protecting himself?

I think you're right.

He is in some kind of jeopardy. Possibly life-threatening.

And he ran away from us because we were about ready to expose him.

Exactly.

Thank you, Mr. Magnum.

I feel much better.

Listen, as long as we're going to be spending some time together,

could you call me Thomas?

All right, Thomas.

And you can call me...

Maddie?

Madeline.

Madeline.

Oh, all right.

Now, for now, Madeline,

I think it would be safer for you and Ray

if you stayed out of sight for a while.

I'm going to move you to the estate.

- Really? - Yes.

And I know that Higgins would be happy

to keep an eye on you until I find Ray.

I'm afraid it's out of the question.

Come on, Higgins! I already promised her!

Then I guess you'll have to un-promise her.

Kenji and I have 14 trees to trim today

and I have tickets tonight for the symphony.

You shouldn't be climbing around in trees, anyway.

It could be dangerous.

Come on, Higgins.

Don't you even care there are people following her around?

Her life could be in danger.

Of course I care.

That's why I think you should call the police.

She promised she'd show you the trick to the Raskekvikjack Maneuver.

Higgins?

Hey, Thomas.

Today is your lucky day, my friend.

Found out that Ray Jones is a member of the exclusive Pu Laipala Gun Club.

As a matter of fact,

the manager told me he's been around there for the last couple of days.

Yeah?

Now guess who else is a member.

Mark Phelps. Remember him?

The guy you were looking for at that strip joint.

Well, anyway, I got you a temporary membership card.

That's great. Thanks, Rick.

Not so fast.

You see, I promised T.C. that I wouldn't leave here without his binoculars.

We got tickets on the 50 yard line at the Aloha Bowl.

The binoculars? No problem.

Very well, Magnum, you win.

I shall inform Kenji the trees can wait until another day.

And as for the symphony,

what is Rachmaninoff compared to Raskilonovich?

Thanks, Higgins.

When will she arrive?

She's in the study now. I knew you wouldn't say no!

Hey, what about the binoculars?

I'll take care of it.

Thomas!

You're probably wondering why I wasn't going to the police.

Well, it has to do with my great Aunt Phoebe

who wrote short stories for magazines in the 1920s.

She lived alone in New York, worked hard, partied hard

and had lunch more than once at the Algonquin Round Table.

And when she wasn't writing stories,

she was seeing them in her own life.

Danger lurked around every corner.

And the simplest action by any of her friends

could be construed as a cover for something much more sinister.

Now, I'm not saying Ms. Jones had an imagination

in the league with my Aunt Phoebe,

but before I called the police, I had to find out.

Good morning, Mr. Jones.

Take number five.

New targets are to the left.

Take number 10.

I figured the best thing to do was keep an eye on Ray

until he left the club and talked to him outside where it was quiet

and where he didn't have a gun in his hand.

Target line is clear.

Lock and load.

You may commence fire.

Extraordinary.

In the last two hours,

you've employed five of the most difficult maneuvers known,

in a game which you say you've never played.

I've always had an ability to recall complex configurations.

I wonder where Thomas is.

He promised he'd call by noon even if he had no news.

You'll discover that Magnum's memory is not as infallible as yours.

I guess no news is good news.

Speaking selfishly, I've enjoyed our uninterrupted time together.

It's not often one has the opportunity to be in the presence

of such a perspicacious mind.

Most people don't find me very interesting.

Ever since I can remember, I was always considered aloof and strange,

a know-it-all.

I've always felt unliked and...

Alone?

How did you know?

Anyway, that all changed when I met Ray.

Madeline?

Thomas.

I was wondering why you hadn't called.

Madeline, this is Lieutenant Tanaka.

Oh, no.

I knew it was something like this.

Ray's in jail.

No.

In protective custody?

Madeline.

Ray was killed by a sniper at the gun club this morning.

I...

I was there, but...

I'm sorry.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to come down for an identification.

This isn't my husband.

What?

There is a striking resemblance, but this isn't Ray.

Madeline, these things can be tough...

Thomas, this isn't him.

You barely glanced at him. How can you be so sure?

- I just am. - How?

This isn't the place to talk about it.

A leopard tattoo?

The artist guaranteed that it was one of a kind.

On the arch of his left foot. But why?

I mean, who would see it?

I would.

I happen to find tattoos very sensuous.

Ray had it done as a surprise for me.

Where do we go from here?

Well, there's nothing much left to do except go back to the estate,

go over all our notes and see if we can come up

with a new lead on Mark Phelps.

And what if we don't come up with one?

I will.

I will.

Oh, I don't know. What do you think?

Well, it's just a matter of looking over the clues one more...

T.C.

What are you doing here?

No, no. Now, wait a minute, don't tell me.

Higgins let you in to get the binoculars.

Yeah.

After you pay your buddy's bill.

What are you talking about?

Don't play innocent with me, Magnum.

I just flew your friend Mark Phelps

to Galletin International on the North Shore.

- Mark Phelps? - Galletin International?

And he said to give you the bill.

Now pay up.

I don't believe it.

You said we'd come up with a lead and we did.

Yeah. But doesn't it strike you as being a little too easy?

What? What do you mean?

Is this the guy you flew up there?

Yeah, you know it's him.

Mark Phelps.

- No, Ray Jones. - Who?

Oh, well, Ray was doing some classified work for Galletin.

An experimental computer.

But why would he go to so much trouble to lead us up there?

I don't know, but I'm going to find out.

- I'm going with you. - No! No!

Now, we have been through this. It's safer for you here.

You don't know how to work that computer.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Could we discuss payment?

I'll pay. Gladly.

My name is T.C.

Oh, I'm sorry, T.C., this is Madeline Jones.

Madeline, this is my friend T.C.

How do you do?

Fine.

- Well? - Oh, fine.

Let's go. Thanks, T.C.

Okay.

Oh, oh, oh, about my binoculars.

- The binoculars. - Yes.

Oh! I almost forgot. I've got them right here in the drawer.

See?

And you thought I'd leave without giving them to you.

No, no, no. No, I didn't.

Oh!

Thomas!

We did it. You were right.

They're much more relaxed on the weekends.

Well, let's not count on our luck holding.

Any of these look familiar?

Oh, this one over here.

It's an experimental model two years from production.

Fortunately, Ray fed me the program information one night during dinner.

It's very sexy data.

Sexy?

You'd have to know Ray.

Oh, I hope he didn't change the access code.

I should've known he wouldn't change it.

Well, I'm in.

I'll see what I can find.

Do you think you could hurry it up just a little?

If they decide to come in and check on us...

I'm hurrying. I'm hurrying.

This is very odd.

- What? - Look.

"Mark Phelps, U.S. Mail, 117 King Street. Cable P.S. Help."

The same thing that was on the billing printout.

What do you think that means?

I think it's a code.

Oh, my.

Look at this.

What?

It's most impressive artificial intelligence research data.

This is magnificent.

Why would he keep all of this hidden away on this computer?

I'm the only one who knows his access code.

Maybe you're the only one he trusts to get it out.

We appreciate it.

We'll take it now.

Hi!

We were just...

I can explain everything.

Thomas...

What? I mean, we were just getting some stuff for a friend.

Thomas, they're the men who broke into my house.

Oh, no. No, Madeline.

I mean, these people are obviously with security here.

Run!

Hold it.

Nobody goes anywhere.

That paper belongs to Mark Phelps.

I'm afraid not.

You're all under arrest for conspiracy against the US Government.

Hello, Magnum.

I believe you've met Agent Summers.

Well, I've got to hand it to you, Magnum.

You've done it again.

You've given us a big, fat zero.

Colonel, our information was...

Worthless, lieutenant. Worthless.

What you tracked down was a very clever formula

designed to make us think it was the genuine item.

But the truth is, it's about as valuable as a Susan B. Anthony dollar.

- Sir... - What?

Yes, sir.

I should've known she was a spy.

What do you know about Ray Jones?

Just that he's missing and his wife hired me to find him.

And who told you to go to Galletin International?

Just a hunch.

Get off the case, Magnum. You're getting in our way.

Oh, come on, Buck.

You know I can't stop investigating just 'cause you ask me to.

Now, if there was a real good reason.

You want a real good reason?

How about you were picked up after illegally entering

a government contract facility?

Come on.

If you were gonna hold us on that, you would've charged us by now.

I mean, you already let the other guys go.

Well, I think we should get back to work.

Sir!

Slow down, Magnum.

Ray Jones was doing some freelance work for us on artificial intelligence.

He was onto something special

when apparently he was approached by an agent

who wanted to buy it for the Eastern Bloc.

Mark Phelps.

Unfortunately, Ray Jones went into hiding

before he could give us the information or them.

We found a look-a-like to try to draw Phelps out.

But you two kept showing up and getting in the way.

So your guys and Mark Phelps' guys

are just going to keep bumping each other off

in the race to find Ray or the formula.

That's a little simplistic.

On the other hand, I'd hate for the two of you to get caught in any crossfire.

So, I'm asking you to get off the case.

Well, I'm afraid I can't do that.

But thanks for the information.

Oh, and, Karen, I'm sorry that we led you to the wrong formula,

but it happens sometimes.

Damn it, Magnum.

Why'd I tell you all this if you're going to keep on looking for him?

Beats the hell out of me.

He makes me so mad, I could just scream.

The unmitigated gall of that man

to suggest that my Ray could even think

of selling military secrets to the enemy.

Well, he certainly had enough time, if that was his plan.

When this is all over, I am going to file a formal complaint with John W. Vessey.

You know, I think he took us and them to that phony formula on purpose.

But why?

While I'm at it, I am going to send duplicates to the other chiefs of staff,

General James D. Watkins, General Paul X. Kelley,

General Charles A. Gabriel and General John A. Wickham.

Wait a minute. Now, how do you know the names of the Joint Chiefs of Staff?

Colonel Green had a citation in his office. They'd all signed it.

When I get through with that man, he is going to be so sorry

he ever hung that citation in his office.

Madeline...

Did you ever memorize anything for Ray?

Sure, all the time. Why?

I think I have a plan.

Seven...

Six...

Five...

Your body is quite relaxed now.

Four...

Three...

Two...

You can barely keep your eyes open.

It's working.

The relaxation is complete.

I knew you could...

I'm sorry.

Ask her to tell you everything she knows about Mark Phelps.

You are going to search your memory for the name Mark Phelps.

Do not censor anything, no matter how trivial.

Mark Phelps...

Mark Phelps...

A... Prompt... Two triangle...

X semicolon... Little man... A...

This is gibberish.

Perhaps not.

It could be a clever block to keep her from uncovering vital information.

Remove the blocks.

Do not censor any thought that comes into your mind.

U.S. Male Revue...

Great. We've tapped into her libido.

Paul Scott.

He's the manager at this male dance place.

P.S. Help.

Phelps. Paul Scott.

This is not going to work.

A equals...

L-Y-C...

Exclamation point... Dollar sign... Carriage return...

Phelps. Paul Scott. P.S. Help.

P.S. Help is an anagram for Phelps.

It's the key.

P as in Paul.

S as in Scott.

The manager at the dance place.

Phelps is Paul Scott.

I believe you're right.

Ms. Jones, wonderful.

Look, when she comes out of her trance...

She won't remember a thing.

Well, anyway, you just tell her I think I'm on the trail of Ray.

Quite.

Now, when I count to five, you will awaken.

One...

First,

you will search your memory for diagrams of little-known,

but devastating, chess maneuvers.

Do not censor anything, no matter how trivial.

Next. Number 30.

Name of act?

- The Emperor Caligula. - Go ahead.

I was getting a little worried about you, Jones.

Who, me?

Nah. I just had to make sure nobody was following me.

It's been a very exciting couple of days.

Well.

Here's the formula.

Hold it right there.

I have never seen him before in my life.

I'll take that.

I guess Madeline was wrong about you.

Look out!

Get him!

Sorry, much too violent for what we're looking for.

Thank you. Next.

Thanks a lot, fella.

You warned me. Why?

I wasn't giving them real information.

I was trying to stall them until my contact got here.

Your contact?

Unfortunately, you got in the way.

Gentlemen, get these two out of here.

Ray called us and told us he was coming out of hiding.

We wanted to catch him handing the bogus information to Phelps.

Well, I think you're a little late.

Looks like I owe you one.

Well,

here's the real formula, Colonel Green.

Thank you, Ray.

This is what you've been working on?

It's all right there.

This is obsolete.

This formula is obsolete.

You're kidding! You mean we went through all this for nothing?

I'll see you back at my office.

Sir.

I wonder where I went wrong.

Isn't he the most brilliant man you've ever met?

I mean, to outsmart Phelps

and then to leave the clue to his identity in my brain

just in case anything went wrong.

He's such a genius.

Oh! A genius who came up with the wrong formula.

Oh, who cares about that?

Of course, I never could've found the key without you, Thomas.

Thank you.

Well, ready to go, bumblebee?

We don't want to miss the flight to Kauai.

Oh. We've never had a wedding at the Fern Grotto before.

Would you mind taking a picture of us before we leave?

I think the camera's right in my car.

I'd be delighted.

Well, that thanks goes double for me.

I feel a little foolish putting everyone in jeopardy over a worthless formula.

Yeah, that wouldn't have been too smart.

Tell me something,

does the phrase, "A prompt, two triangle, X semicolon," mean anything to you?

Where'd you hear that?

Oh, Madeline kept repeating it under hypnosis.

That's part of the formula that everybody has been looking for, isn't it?

Why'd you give Buck Green a phony one?

What makes you so sure I did?

Ray...

Let me put it to you this way.

If all men had were rocks and clubs

and you invented gun powder,

wouldn't you think twice before giving it to the world?

Yeah.

Well, if I decided not to give it out, though,

I might be a little worried about the fact that my wife knew about it.

Well, we're only saying if.

Oh, of course.

Well, if your wife did know,

you'd probably try to convince her and everybody else that she didn't know.

For her own safety.

She's right. You are very smart.

Ready?

You're not smiling, cupcake.

Yes, I am, honey bunch.

You're going to ruin the photograph, dearest.

Don't start in again, darling.

I'm not starting in.

You always do this before every wedding.

No, I don't.

Yes, you do. You did it when we went to Maui.

- Oh, I did not. You always... - Say cheese.

Cheese!