Original subtitles

Everyone here knows that a murder was committed here this weekend.

One of you knows who did it.

I am Sir Fearing Pangborn, the world's greatest tragedian.

Great costume.

You look even dumber than me.

I happen to be a famous genius from the '20s.

"Is this a dagger which I see before me?"

"All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players"

Get down!

It wasn't the first time I'd been up all night,

but it was one of the most rewarding.

Forget the pain in the weary eyes,

the cries for rest from the tired body,

the screams of the totally drained mind,

struggling to deal with one more clue.

You don't sleep until a crime is solved.

Because there's no greater satisfaction

than finally putting head to pillow with the words:

"Cases solved."

"Cases," plural.

Six murders since early last night.

I had watched the first annual

KHKU Agatha Christie Film Festival

in its entirety and had pegged five out of six murderers.

Agatha got the whole half-dozen.

Goodnight, Miss Marple, wherever you are.

Higgins.

Higgins.

- Higgins! - Magnum, good morning.

I'm conducting my annual battle with the mongooses.

Wretched creatures.

The price of a perfect lawn is eternal vigilance.

Stop! Will you stop?

Higgins, stop. It's 6:00 a.m.

I haven't slept and you're doing more damage than the mongeese.

Mongooses. And you certainly can't sleep now.

In precisely one hour, the crew will be here

to roll the lawn good as new for the gala.

Surely, you haven't forgotten?

Robin's charity bash, how could I forget?

Benefiting his favorite cause: A home for incorrigible boys.

I'm sure you can identify with them.

And what are you identifying with?

The party theme, of course.

Like the guests, we should come in costumes of the period

for The Great Gatsby weekend, to be as inconspicuous as possible.

Inconspicuous? Higgins, don't do that. Two of those could be dangerous.

This is their base station.

And may I remind you that I am something of a demolitions expert?

Did I ever tell you about the time in India

when Corky Boswick brought two untouchables to headquarters?

Tell me 20 yards from here!

Strange.

There appears to be some obstruction in the--

Bloody good shot.

Three and four and one and two...

A concussion from a croquet ball?

Yeah, just a mild one but Doc Ibold has Higgins in bed for a few days,

which sticks me with the Gatsby thing.

- Thanks, Jennifer. - What thing?

The Gatsby, you know, The Great Gatsby?

The magician?

No, Orville. The Great Gatsby was a book written by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

It's all about the idle rich of the '20s.

Well, this is a '20s costume party for the idle rich of the '80s.

You know, Robin's usual crowd.

European royalty, writers, famous artists,

couple of dancers.

Dancers.

Dancers? Did you say dancers? I mean, what kind of dancers?

Oh, I don't know. "Inez" somebody was one of them.

- Inez Stuart? - Yeah, that's the one.

Oh, man, she was the greatest dancer

of all times, I mean--

Anyway, with Higgins down,

I have to cover the party and miss

the best Rainbow game of the season.

So, who wants them, guys? Half price.

Just hold on.

Look, you can't cover all of Higgins' bases by yourself.

Especially with that ritzy crowd,

I mean, Orville and I will be glad to help you. Right?

What? No, T.C. You're not interested in Thomas' workload.

You just want to meet this tutu type.

That's fine. I will take the basketball tickets.

Very funny, Thomas!

These tickets are from last year's game!

Oh, come on, guys. It's for a real worthy cause:

A home for incorrigible boys.

Sorry, Thomas. But I'm doing social work tonight.

- With an incorrigible girl. - Cute.

Cuddly and blonde and...

bye.

Come on, Thomas. Forget about Orville, we don't need him.

I can help you with this plainclothes stuff,

especially for a chance to meet Inez Stuart.

No plainclothes. Come dressed as a famous person from the '20s.

What? Like who?

Hey, wait a minute, who are you going to be?

Bye, guy.

Inez Stuart.

I had four hours to cover all of Higgins' bases.

At least, according to Plan A.

So there were a few early arrivals. No panic.

I had chefs to cook,

servants to serve, and T.C. to cover security.

All I had to do was smile quietly at these

sedate sophisticates and stay awake.

Cakewalk.

Excuse me!

Excuse me!

You the caterers? Just kidding.

I beg your pardon?

- What's going on here? - A duel.

Well, I can see that. Who are they?

Douglas Fairbanks and John Barrymore.

Three deaths to one.

John Barrymore leads.

They're just acting out their Gatsby roles

until someone explains why we're here and why nothing's ready.

I'm Archer Hayes.

I was going to be Picasso for the weekend, but...

You must be Higgins.

No, Thomas Magnum.

Higgins is temporarily indisposed

and nothing is ready because you're all early.

No one was supposed to be here until 2:00.

The invitation reads 9:00 a.m.

Robin's secretary was kind enough to invite us in

and point us in the direction of the bar.

She's here? What's she doing here?

Robin's in Greece, finishing a novel.

Oh, she informed us that he is writing, but not in Greece.

He's upstairs.

Far too busy to greet his guests.

Excuse me.

Guys, could I get through? Thanks!

Now, be careful please.

Excuse me.

- It's all right. She's my wife. - Oh, I am. No kidding.

Great costume.

- This isn't a costume. - Really?

You wear that shirt in public?

Nolan.

- I'm F. Scott Fitzgerald. - Thomas Magnum.

- And this is my wife, Zelda. - Yes, for the weekend, anyway.

Oh, I don't mean I'm his wife for the weekend.

I mean, we're Scott and Zelda for the weekend and--

- I got it. - Yeah, some weekend.

You know, we don't even know which rooms we're supposed to be in.

There's been a slight mix-up, but I'm gonna take care of that right now.

I hope to hell so.

So do I.

Please tell me you're Magnum.

Please tell me what's going on.

May I speak to you in private?

Hey, give Robin a message from Nolan Atherton.

Even for him, this is pretty lousy treatment.

I mean, for a $10,000 donation each,

he should at least be willing to come out and talk to his guests!

Magnum, where have you been? I have been looking everywhere for you.

- Where's Higgins? - Wait a minute, wait.

You mean, Robin is really--

I'm Valerie Kane, his new assistant.

Oh, what happened to the funny little lady

- with the support stockings? - Lousy shorthand.

Magnum, please, you've got to do something about all these VIPs.

- I've been going crazy-- - I'm gonna straighten it out.

I'll straighten it out. I just wanna talk to Robin first.

Are you serious, with that sign on the door?

But...

This is an emergency.

Did anybody tell him about Higgins' accident?

- That he got a concussion? - No one told us anything.

The Athertons arrived at the gate about two hours ago and then the others.

But Robin said not to bother him with it,

that you and Higgins would take care of everything.

The Athertons. Scott and Zelda, right?

Magnum, don't you know your guests by their real names?

Nolan Atherton is this week's best-selling novelist.

I know who they are, I did my homework.

I just didn't know they'd get here five hours early, that's all.

You're responsible for a lot of famous people here.

This is one of the biggest social events of the season.

I know that! So why is Robin in there instead of downstairs?

Please. Not right now. He's on a roll.

He'll understand. This is important.

So is his book.

He's had a big block on this new novel for weeks.

Then this morning on the plane it all came together for him.

But at the moment, the only thing on his mind

is meeting his deadline.

I will tell him about the accident the minute he buzzes me.

You won't forget?

I promise.

Oh, and, Magnum,

why don't you call me Valerie?

Miss Kane sounds like you're addressing

that funny little lady with the support stockings.

You'll let me know as soon as you talk--

To Robin. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

"Since I am crept in favor with myself,

I will maintain me at some little cost

Shine out, fair sun,

- till I have found a glass--" - Higgins!

And here I always take a dramatic pause,

and a deep breath.

"That I may see my shadow as I pass"

Higgins, cut it out! The playacting is for the guests.

Higgins?

My ignorant lad, that was Richard III.

G.B. Shaw begged me to do the Pygmalion role,

but, of course, I've no time for comedy.

Higgins, come on. Stop kidding around and get back to bed!

Back! Back, rogue!

"Onward for God, England and Saint George!"

Fearing, darling, that was wonderful.

Wait a minute. Fearing?

Even a resident of these backward islands

must know this profile.

I am Sir Fearing Pangborn,

the world's greatest tragedian,

on continuous tour.

And that, my friends, is three deaths to two!

"Come, for the third, Laertes; you but dally

I pray you, pass with your best violence

I am afeard you make a wanton of me

- How does the Queen?" - The Queen, Higgins?

"O, villainy!

Ho! let the door be lock'd Treachery!"

Brilliant performance,

but exhausting.

- Rick, you look so cute. - I look stupid.

You don't look stupid.

I just don't know why you decided to come as Adolf Hitler.

He wasn't that well known in the '20s.

I'm Charlie Chaplin.

Hey, man, I was just joking. Where's your sense of humor?

I seem to have lost it about an hour ago

when Thomas called and insisted that he needed us again!

I do. This is serious, guys!

Uh-huh.

Higgins running around in a curtain doing Shakespeare's greatest hits.

He's a sick man, T.C. He could've killed that guy.

Okay, okay.

Who are you supposed to be, anyway? Othello?

Othello?

Paul Robeson did not get his role in Othello until the '40s.

- I am the Emperor Jones. - Oh.

What?

I feel much better. You look even dumber than me.

I happen to be a famous genius from the '20s.

Thomas Edison?

Dashiell Hammett.

Dashiell, the guy who wrote Sam Spade, he put shoe polish on his head?

He wrote The Maltese Falcon and he was famous for his white hair.

I did the best I could. I'm glad you guys find this so amusing.

We got a real security problem here.

I thought I could count on you guys to help.

We're going to help.

No, no, really, really, we are going to help.

Are you through?

Now, there are two guests in particular I need you to keep an eye on.

- Inez Stuart? - No.

Lady Cynthia Warrington-Stout is wearing over $1 million in diamonds

and Archer Hayes is following her around all the time.

- Who is Archer Hayes? - That's what I'd like to know.

Everybody else on the guest list is famous, but him.

He's dressed like Picasso. So just watch him, okay?

What's that star for?

Fearing Pangborn.

- Oh, my God. - Fearing!

Fearing? Fearing what?

- Magnum. - Higgins.

What on earth is going on? And why are Rick and T.C. in costume?

Sorry, Higgins, but we've got to go.

Don't want Cynthia to lose the family jewels.

Just a moment, why are you in costume?

- Thomas will explain everything. - I certainly hope so.

Magnum, surely you didn't have the audacity to invite them to the Gatsby Gala.

Mr. Masters would be furious.

They're here to lend me a hand while you're sick.

And you are. You should be in bed.

If you're referring to the unfortunate incident with the explosives,

my most serious wound is simple embarrassment.

- Otherwise, I'm fine. - No, you don't understand.

Fine, except for the fact that you've left me in a most

delicate and difficult situation.

Why in heaven's name didn't you notify me when the guests arrived early?

Well, why in heaven's name didn't you tell me

they were arriving early in the first place?

How would I know?

It's the prerogative of the rich to arrive when and if they see fit.

Then you didn't send out revised invitations?

Magnum, I'm very busy placating the guests.

Now, will you please send Rick and T.C. away

and assume the character of a reasonably competent security person?

Only you and I will know you're acting.

What on earth have you done to your hair? You look ridiculous.

I'm Dashiell Hammett!

Magnum, in the '20s, Hammett had very white, very distinguished sideburns.

His hair was not laminated.

If you want to look authentic, I suggest you remove that goop and start over.

Miss Stuart? Miss Stuart?

Yes?

Miss Inez Stuart.

I'm Paul Robeson.

Well, in that case, I am Josephine Baker.

Oh, no, no, you're definitely Inez.

Look, Miss Stuart, I...

My sister, my twin sister...

Yeah, she was one of your biggest fans when you were dancing

and I was just wondering if you...

- What's your sister's name? - T.C.

That's short for Thelma Catherine. She just goes by T.C.

To T.C.

Love,

Inez Stuart.

There you are.

Well, I finally got...

I mean, my sister's gonna go crazy...

when she finds out that I have gotten the autograph of Inez Stuart.

T.C.!

We sometimes both go by T.C. It gets confusing on birthday presents.

I can imagine.

Bye.

What the hell do you want?

You made me look stupid in front of the Inez Stuart.

Just forget the dancer, will you,

and help me find that old Lady Warrington-Stout broad.

The one with all the diamonds.

I've been looking all over the joint for her and I can't find her.

That's okay, that's okay. I've been keeping an eye on her.

She's right over there.

That's her?

See, just relax. I'll handle this.

Well, it seems like a very straightforward,

uncomplicated question to me.

Yes, and I shall be just as uncomplicated in answering.

- Pardon me. Lady Stout? - Yes.

May I have a word with you in private?

All right.

Thank you.

I thought you should know that I'm not a regular guest.

I'm a chief security officer assigned to protect your many valuables.

No, you must be mistaken. You see, I already have my own bodyguard.

No, no, no, please. You see, I have a job to do.

This weekend, wherever you go, I go.

Come on.

All right, I'm going to the beach.

Have you been protecting my things?

What? Oh, yeah.

Everything is right here.

Your dress, your diamonds. I'm on the job.

But it kept you from having a swim.

No, I don't have any trunks anyway.

Lady Cynthia, that's not exactly a 1920 bathing suit, is it?

Hardly, no. I go along with this Gatsby thing just--

Yeah, when you've got... What I mean is...

Well, modern bathing suits, a lot more safer.

Gee, I say everything wrong when I...

I get so tongue-tied when I really like somebody.

I think it's refreshing.

- You do? - Mmm-hmm.

We'd better be getting back.

There's something I need to take care of.

What?

It doesn't matter.

Yes, it does.

Lady Cynthia, I--

Sorry, but you look like a pair of Pat Boone's old shoes.

Would you forget about my hair, all right?

I was trying to make distinguished, white sideburns and I...

Valerie, just buzz Robin!

I did. I explained to him about Higgins and how upset the guests were,

but I got the same answer, don't bother him.

- Miss Kane. - What happened to Valerie?

What happened to Robin? Deadlines are not that important to the man!

He has never met one. Now, are you going to open that door open or am I?

It's your neck.

Robin? Robin, no, wait! It's Magnum! He says it's absolutely urgent that...

Robin?

Look, why don't you just leave him a note?

No! Magnum, wait!

He will really get upset if you go in there. Please.

Where in heaven's name have you been, Morgan?

I'm not in the habit of having to search for my dresser.

Your incompetence may very well have made me late for my matinee.

Where is my transportation to the theatre?

Excuse me.

Excuse you.

Such beauty may be excused the sins of the ages.

Fearing, this is Valerie Kane.

- Valerie, this is Fearing Pangborn. - Sir Fearing Pangborn.

Sir Fearing Pangborn, the world's greatest tragedian.

On continuous tour.

Come, lovely creature and sit with me on the couch.

I shall grant you the interview that I know your readers crave.

Oh, no, I'm not a reporter.

And I am not a great actor. We shall both tell lover's lies.

Fearing.

- Yes, Morgan? - It's Magnum!

What's in a name?

Now, my dear, where shall we begin?

I realize it's a difficult question

when confronted with a life as fascinating as mine.

Fearing. You're late for your matinee, remember?

True.

But never fear, my fawning beauty. You shall have your interview.

You'll come to my room after this evening's performance.

We'll talk over dinner late into the night.

Fearing, your taxi's waiting to take you to the theatre.

Your audience is trembling with anticipation.

So am I.

Farewell, my dear, until this evening.

Come to the room with the star on the door.

We'll talk through the night and at the dawn turn as one and say:

"What light through yonder window breaks?"

- Higgins? - No.

Fearing Pangborn in Higgins' body and Robin's smoking jacket.

Look, I'd better go get him to bed before he scares somebody else.

I'll be back.

I hope you'll be around at dinnertime.

I mean, in case the amorous Fearing shows up again.

There you are! Well, call the cops, Mr. Security.

Charlie Chaplin just stole $20,000 from my room!

Atherton, that's not possible.

Rick is here helping me with security this weekend.

Some security.

Well, what were you doing with that kind of cash?

Don't change the subject. Are you gonna call the cops or am I?

- Yoo-hoo, Nolan. - Where have you been?

Fixing a drink. I didn't think you'd notice.

When was the last time you saw the money?

This morning. $20,000 in $100 bills.

And who else knows the money's missing?

Everybody. You think I'm going to keep quiet about a thing like this?

Your friend took it, all right.

He's been skulking around in the halls with those baggy pants.

Very convenient for hiding all that money.

- Now, call the cops! - Oh, Nolan, please.

You bring them into this, we get the press as well. Just leave it alone.

You were gonna give the money away, anyway.

Don't you think a check would have been simpler

for your donation this weekend?

Oh, well, you see, Scott and Zelda liked dealing in cash, so we thought--

Look, never mind all that.

- Your security man took it! - No, I didn't!

Hey, tell him to back off!

Here's your little sneak thief. I found him in Lady Cynthia's room.

He's accusing me of stealing $20,000! Now, tell him who I am.

I know who you are. What I don't know is what you're doing in Lady Cynthia's--

Archer, that's enough! Rick'll explain what he was doing in her room

when you explain why you were following her around.

I'm her private bodyguard. She'll verify it, when we find her.

Some bodyguard. Thomas, I don't know where she is.

I went in her room to check on her and this wild man here

jumps with some stupid crack about me stealing $20,000.

Yeah, my money! Where is it?

Look, if you really are her security man, why aren't you doing your job?

She was never out of my sight until she went into her room.

This drooling Chaplin seemed harmless enough.

- Now, just a minute-- - Rick, Rick. Come on.

She's probably upstairs in the bathroom or something.

Waste your time if you like. I'm gonna check the grounds.

Now, hold on, the lady can wait! What about my money?

"O ill-starr'd wench!

Pale as thy smock!

When we shall meet at compt

This look of thine will hurl my soul from heaven

and fiends will snatch at it"

Fearing, what are you doing? You have a matinee, remember?

I am doing the matinee, you fool. Now, go away, Morgan.

- Fearing, no. You're not in-- - Please.

"Cold, cold, my girl! Even like thy chastity

O! cursed slave

Whip me, ye devils from the possession of this heavenly sight!

Blow me about in winds!

Roast me in sulphur!

Wash me in steep-down gulfs of liquid fire!

O Desdemona!

Desdemona! Dead!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

An honorable murderer, if you will

For nought I did in hate

but all in honor"

Okay, come on, folks,

please give us some room. Come on.

No deals, Magnum.

Come on, Lieutenant. We're talking about Higgins.

Do you honestly think he's capable of murder?

Somebody's trying to set him up. I just need some time to figure out who.

I can't.

So long, Magnum.

Reports to file and I haven't slept in nearly two days.

Me, either. Lieutenant...

How many of those Agatha Christies did you watch?

Five. I missed the first one.

Didn't get out of the office until quiet late.

I've got it.

- Huh? - First one.

I got it on tape.

Here it is.

I suppose, I could loan it to you.

They have a machine at the station.

Yeah, but you'll be so busy filling out all those reports.

- Two hours. - Deal!

When I bring this back, I'm bringing a warrant.

In the meantime, my men are posted outside the gates.

And nobody leaves.

Right.

I demand to know why I wasn't allowed to talk to the police.

Archer, he'll be back. He'll take statements from everybody.

I'm warning you, this cover-up for Higgins

will be duly noted to the authorities.

We don't even know yet if it was murder.

There were no marks on the body.

How nice of you to tell me that.

Perhaps you could also tell me why I wasn't allowed to examine the body.

I think you should take that up with Lieutenant Tanaka when he comes back.

You bet I will.

I have some interesting things to tell him about your friend Rick,

or have you already informed the police...

that he was found with his hand in the money jar?

I don't have to answer to you. You got a problem, talk to the police.

In the meantime, I have an investigation to run.

Magnum?

- Why wasn't Higgins arrested? - For what?

Playing Othello? I told you, they don't actually have a crime yet.

What about Lady Cynthia's missing jewels?

Well, they certainly didn't find them in Higgins' room.

Is there any law against me continuing the search?

No.

Thanks.

I had to accept the fact that Fearing Pangborn

could have gotten carried away.

But somewhere in all that madness, he was still Higgins

with Higgins' conscience.

A conscience that I was convinced would stop him

short of doing any harm to a defenseless girl.

So if he didn't do it, he was set up.

But by whom? Any suggestions, Miss Marple?

It simply can't be true about the colonel.

I've known him for 45 years.

Are you so shocked that he has enemies?

Frankly, I never thought of such a man

having friend or a foe.

Donald, are you suggesting--

Suggesting? No, my dear,

I am merely stating a fact that the colonel is

deeply resented in certain important circles.

A resentment strong enough to wish him harm?

Perhaps we should change the subject.

No!

Please go on, you think that someone has actually

planned the colonel's downfall?

I think that deep wounds heal very slowly.

More tea?

Thanks guys, let's get some rest.

Thomas.

T.C., I am about to clear the name of Jonathan Quayle Higgins.

That's great. Can you do anything for Fearing Pangborn?

"...but were I Brutus and Brutus Antony,

there were an Antony would ruffle up your spirits,

and put a tongue in every wound of Caesar,

that should move the stones of Rome,

to rise and mutiny"

Isn't there something you can do about this?

The man is acting as if nothing has happened.

We'll take care of it, Miss Stuart.

Come on, Magnum.

Fearing, you have to stop.

Morgan, please.

- For my encore selection... - Fearing!

...the role of Macbeth, Act 2, Scene 1!

Fearing!

We've got to get him back to his room.

"Is this a dagger which I see before me?"

Critics.

Hi!

You're not even breathing hard.

No.

Oh, I'm sorry, do you generally provoke that response in women?

- Let me see your legs. - Let you what?

Just stick them out there, where I can see them.

You really do miss that funny little lady with the support stockings, don't you?

Somebody in a Chaplin outfit just tried to kill Higgins.

Valerie, I think it's time you told me what you were doing here.

I'm working for Robin.

Well, suppose we ask him that.

Magnum, I'm sorry, he left. I don't know what's gotten into him.

He said he was going to the library. Research.

- I didn't believe it, but-- - I don't either.

What?

If you knew anything about Robin,

you'd know that he never does research.

He was never here.

I've never met the man, not even by telephone.

All right, so I told a couple of little white lies.

It doesn't make me a murderer.

Look, I know you're not going to believe me,

but I was going to tell you the truth.

Okay, not at first, but after I got to know you,

I started feeling like a creep.

I decided that as soon as I got out of here with my scoop,

I was gonna call you up and I was gonna tell you the whole truth.

You really expect me to believe you went to all that trouble just to get a job?

It wasn't just the job! It was a scoop!

Robin Masters' annual Great Gatsby Gala

with all the gossip and intrigue that goes along with it.

It may sound dumb to you, but the National Intruder said

that if I got any gory details, they'd give me a staff job.

What else have you done that you haven't told me about?

I was guarding Higgins' door, somebody hit me from behind.

- What? - Well, it wasn't me.

Can I please just leave?

No, I'm afraid not. Right now, you're a prime murder suspect.

- You attacked Cindy? - No! You can't keep me here.

Well, you try and leave, you'll have to get past Lieutenant Tanaka's men.

I don't know what happened to Higgins.

Thomas.

Morgan, what is the meaning of this?

I went in to take my customary after matinee bath

and the WC appeared to be leaking.

Naturally, I couldn't find you anywhere, as usual.

So, I opened the lid of the tank and discovered this.

I figured you should know.

Higgins.

Will you kindly tell me what all this money and jewelry

is doing in my bathroom?

Why don't you tell us all?

I figured I still had about a half an hour

before Tanaka returned with a warrant for Higgins' arrest.

I could only hope that, that would be enough time

to find the clue to the "old wound that was healing slowly."

You better do something fast. A lot of people want to get out of here.

Did you know that 11

of the people here this weekend have been here before?

Well, Thomas, that's real interesting, except that this

isn't exactly the best time to be gathering trivia.

You think one of them has a motive?

A handful of them have had run-ins with Higgins.

The colonel is deeply resented in high places.

Who's the colonel?

This guest register that Higgins made notes in

just might contain the clue to clear him.

Magnum?

What are you doing? Why are you at the desk?

Nothing, I'm just looking for something I misplaced.

Yes, well, perhaps if you tell me what it is, I can...

What on earth are these?

Oh, those are just some invitations I collected from the guests.

I didn't know what to do with them, so I put them--

You couldn't possibly have collected these.

They're over 10 years old.

How odd! They have today's date on them.

Could I possibly have made such a mistake?

No, I threw away all of the Jamison stock years ago.

Jamison?

My predecessor, Lowell Xavier Jamison.

You see? Jamison's initials, L.X.J.

The current ones, of course, have my initials on them.

This guy, Jamison, what do you know about him?

Well, I never actually met the man.

If it's important to you, perhaps you should speak to Mr. Masters about him.

Well, that's great. We all we know he's somewhere in Greece.

Yes, at the Kastellian Resort on Crete.

You know where he is?

Well, of course.

Well, I suggest you call him. Now! Please!

Too late, Magnum.

- Your time is up. - Lieutenant.

Did you ever hear about the case of the Red Faced Thespian?

Well, I suppose

you're wondering why I asked you all here?

Everyone here in this room knows

that a murder was committed here this weekend.

One of you knows who did it.

Let's call this caper,

"The Case of the Red Faced Thespian."

I can't believe you're treating Lady Cynthia's death

in this ridiculous fashion.

Lieutenant, I want to make a statement of the events

that have transpired over these last few hours.

- Let's hear him out. - Thank you.

Lieutenant Tanaka is here to arrest Higgins for the murder

of Lady Cynthia Warrington-Stout. But...

is it possible that someone else is involved?

Someone who might have sent those revised invitations,

might have stolen the money and the diamonds,

might even... have gone as far as murder,

just to make Higgins look incompetent,

appear guilty, and thus become

the Red Faced Thespian?

We shall soon find out.

I certainly hope so.

Oh, come on. What possible motive could anybody--

Revenge, Nolan.

You should understand that, right?

This is the...

Robin's Nest guest register.

All the names of people invited here, over the last 10 years

with little personal notations made after some of the names.

The notations of Jonathan Quayle Higgins.

See, he knew which of the guests might have reason to dislike him and why.

Remember, old wounds heal slowly.

I was never even invited.

Precisely, Valerie, you're not even in the book.

No visible motive unless I must conclude that although she is undoubtedly

guilty of a few character assassinations in print,

Valerie is probably no murderer.

This is absurd. If you think I'm going to stay here--

Inez Stuart, on the other hand...

All right. So I've been here a few times,

probably written up in that stupid book.

Let's see, the motive.

Yes, I had a grudge against Higgins!

When the film version of Babes in Babylon was made,

I begged Robin to let me play the part of the tempestuous dancer.

But he said I was wrong for the part.

So, I went to Higgins with a plan to

trick Robin to letting me play the part.

He refused.

That movie would have meant my triumphant comeback.

You're damn right. I owe that butler one!

- But not murder. - You're right.

On hearing a recap of the incident,

would we really call this an old wound healing slowly?

Let's see.

That brings us to...

You're not going to bring up that ridiculous nonsense

about the slander suit, are you?

Higgins writes that Robin made some

unfortunate public comments about the quality of your writing

and about the state of your marriage to Marge.

- So I filed a slander suit. - Which you had to drop.

Because Higgins could verify that you had been here at the estate

on a number of occasions with your protégés.

Clearly a motive for revenge.

Revenge, perhaps. Murder, hardly.

This is getting a little tedious, Magnum.

Then there is the question

of Theodore Calvin.

Huh?

Admit it, T.C., you've never really gotten along with Higgins.

You're right, man, he's really flipped out.

Just go along with it, I'm short of suspects.

I won't have you desecrate Lady Cynthia's memory like this.

At last, we hear from Jamison.

Lowell Xavier Jamison, dismissed by Robin in 1972?

And replaced by the totally incompetent Jonathan Quayle Higgins.

When did you find out?

About you being Jamison? Oh, just now, for sure.

But I talked to Robin on the phone about an hour ago and he

filled me in on your general appearance

and of your contempt for him and Higgins.

He said he lost track of you about six years ago,

around the same time you went to work for Lady Cynthia as Archer Hayes.

Yes, I wanted to make Higgins look bad.

I admit that.

I stole the money and the jewels.

But I didn't kill her.

I sneaked into Higgins' bathroom to plant the jewels.

I heard a noise in the bedroom, a scuffle.

I thought someone was on to me, so I waited till I thought they were gone.

And when I came out,

there she was...

lifeless on the bed.

But I didn't kill her. I didn't.

Of course, you didn't.

You could never have done that.

No!

Which brings us...

to Marge.

Old wounds?

You can't be alive!

You can't.

She and Nolan were having an affair!

No, we weren't.

I admit he propositioned me, but I wasn't going to accept.

I don't believe you.

I was resting before confronting him

when I realized someone was in my room.

I opened my eyes slightly and I saw someone in a Chaplin outfit slipping out.

That was me, with your diamonds.

I was curious.

So I followed him to Higgins' room, but before I could find out who it was,

someone hit me over the head with something.

That would be Marge. See,

the way I figure it,

Marge saw Cynthia and Nolan together, followed Cynthia to her room,

but had to wait to attack her

because Archer was dressed in a Charlie Chaplin outfit--

Magnum.

Wait. No, this all makes sense, see.

Archer came out of Cynthia's room,

Cynthia followed Archer, Marge followed Cynthia and hit her over the head.

Who threw the dagger? Archer. Jamison.

I was certain that Higgins had killed Cynthia

and I knew you'd cover up for him. I was desperate.

- I couldn't let him get away with it! - That's attempted murder.

So is this!

Marge, you're not going to pull a gun. How trite.

I can't take it!

I can't take it!

You don't know what it's like to be lied to.

This is great!

- To be humiliated, to be-- - "Or not to be,

That is the question"

A drama in progress. How delightful.

Higgins, get down!

"All the world's a stage and the men and women merely players"

Oh, my God!

Okay, I admit,

it was fun just once to do it like Miss Marple.

Marge Atherton and Archer Hayes were taken into custody.

Valerie decided to save her big scoop

for that novel she always wanted to write.

The other guests all went home, and Higgins...

went back to being Higgins,

for good.

Higgins.

Higgins, what are you doing?

This is how you got hurt in the first place.

- Magnum, please. The mongeese - Mongooses.

Mongooses are still here.

And besides, I never make the same mistake twice.

I'm quite fine now, completely recovered.

Well, just don't do any more of those doubles, okay?

Higgins...

did you ever consider becoming an actor?

My God, no.

What a ridiculous idea.

There was, however, one time.

Yes?

A play at Eton when I was 16.

Well, the boy who was playing the leading role got sick at the last minute and I,

famous for my memory, was asked to take the part.

Shakespeare, by any chance?

Hamlet.

Such applause, such adulation.

For some reason, the other boys at the school

never seemed to like me very much.

But that night, for the first time, perhaps the only time,

I felt that they really...

But you must find my stories very tedious, Morgan.

"O villain, villain...

smiling, damned villain!"