Original subtitles

- What are you doing? - I call her "Beauty and the Beasts."

I'll make this the arcade and game room.

I live here.

Get rid of him after the game.

Mr. Masters bet the entire estate on a softball game.

I'm gonna still keep you on.

It might be kind of fun having an English butler.

Might be kind of kinky.

Yours are a bunch of ringers. That's not fair.

I think you've just hit on the secret of life.

You mean, you're really gonna bet your signed Picasso,

for Taphie here?

Absolutely.

I had planned to take her back to Paris with me.

Why, you devil.

To sponsor her for two years at the Sorbonne.

Oh.

Well, let's see what you've got.

Aloha, Robin.

Damn. Five years of high school right down the drain.

Too bad, Robin. Another terrible night.

So far you've lost one signed Picasso,

a case of 100-year-old Frog champagne,

your master pressings of Jack Teagarden's original songs,

plus, you owe me one original story for the next issue of my magazine.

Now, what do you say?

I say give me a break, Buzz.

I did give you a break

in the first issue of my magazine

22 years ago.

I was the first one to publish your first story,

Babes in Babylon,

illustrated with slightly retouched photos of my original Buzzettes.

Damn it, Mickey!

I told you never to disturb me when I'm in the game room.

Now what the...

Yeah. But, Uncle, guess what?

We just beat the Washington Senators. Isn't that great?

- Terrific! What was the score? - 17 to 3.

Excuse me, but didn't the Washington Senators

go out of existence in 1969?

Not the ones up on Capitol Hill.

Their softball team played my Blasters.

My co-ed softball team.

Now maybe those bozos won't hold that anti-trust bill against me.

You can go now.

Go polish some statues or something. Okay, Mickey?

Yes, Uncle.

My niece and second cousin's third son.

I warned them about brain damage.

Your deal.

You know, I've got a pretty decent softball team myself.

No kidding.

I never joke about softball.

My King Kamehameha Club Paddlers.

They've won their league the last three years in a row.

Island ball, huh?

What do you use, coconuts for balls, huh?

Ukuleles for bats?

Hardly.

How can you play serious softball on a surfboard?

Hey, give me a break, will you?

Actually, Buzz, my team is quite serious.

Serious enough to recoup your losses?

Friday, 2:00, Kapalonu Park.

You got it.

What are you gonna put up in case your guys lose?

Name it.

The estate.

Mr. Masters bet the entire estate on a softball game.

It's just for a year, Higgins.

The ramifications of which seem to elude you.

Think of it.

The entire estate given over for a year

to a playboy of questionable reputation

and his hordes of scantily clad models with even looser morals.

Sounds terrible.

And worse yet,

Mr. Masters has predicated this ridiculous wager

on your team winning a game.

You know, lads, I sometimes view myself as a latter day Job,

constantly being tested by our creator.

How else could I possibly justify four major wars,

dozens of minor conflicts,

seven natural disasters, and...

Aha! Double play Tigers!

...him.

I say, Magnum, that glove must have gone out of style with--

Al Kaline.

Who?

Al Kaline.

He's the right fielder for the Tigers. He was the greatest.

You know, I remember once, back in June of 1956,

my dad's uncle Lyle took me to Briggs Stadium

for a Tiger game against the Yankees.

Well, Mickey Mantle was at the plate.

He just crushed an 0-2 pitch off Paul Foytack to right.

- Well, Al just-- - Oh, my God!

Where is it?

Where's what?

The 110 mm lens this cap should be covering.

Higgins, I can explain--

I am utterly sick and tired of those four pathetic words:

"Higgins, I can explain."

I want an answer, Magnum. Do you understand me?

An answer. Now!

Higgins, the lens and the camera

are at the bottom of a construction site on Kuhio Avenue.

Mr. Masters' Nikon?

But I'm gonna get a new one. I promise, Higgins.

With what? More explanations? More promises?

I'm afraid the merchants won't take your feeble protestations

as legal tender, and neither will I!

I'll get the money, Higgins. I know my responsibilities.

Look, I'm working for Lola Stenhauser. She's a waitress at the club.

See, I'm trying to find her ex-husband who skipped on his alimony--

I don't care about Lola Stenhauser.

And I don't care about her squalid little soap-opera life!

What I care about is Mr. Masters' camera.

What I care about is the fact

that he has so cavalierly wagered my future on this estate

on something so banal as a softball game.

My God! It's not even cricket.

And lastly, what I care about is that my fate,

indeed my whole life as I know it,

is in your clumsy hands!

Come on, Lola.

All right!

- Nice play, Lola. - All right.

Come on, Rick. All strikes. Now give them the moon ball.

- Okay, Keoki. - Just stay loose.

Get under it.

Good.

That's it. Come on, Magnum.

All right, boy! That's the way to go, T.M! That's the way to go!

Roll another one in there, Rick.

All strikes, huh?

All right, Keoki, try and hit this one.

All right, base hit. Come on.

Nice hit, Keoki.

Okay, Keoki.

Bobby, you're up!

Weak batter, weak batter.

Come on, all strikes now, Rick. Let's go.

- Throw a strike. - Come on, more arm, Rick,

get it up there or else they'll cream us every time.

- All right. - Come on Rick, the moon ball.

Come on, Bob.

Way to rip, Bobby.

Come on, be a pitcher, man, be a pitcher.

Okay, Bobby, one more. Okay, let's take two.

Okay, Lola, you and me, huh?

Okay.

Okay, all right.

It's okay. That's all right. We'll get the next one.

Come on, Lola, get your head in the game. What's wrong?

Jerome.

Oh, yeah. Well, we'll get it next time.

Okay.

Okay, Thomas, you're up.

Okay, Thomas.

Yeah, that's it.

Lola's head wasn't the only one that wasn't totally into practice.

I had other things on my mind, too, like Higgins and the anxiety he felt

about having everything in his life turned totally topsy-turvy.

The majordomo was used to a certain order and regimen

that Buzz Benoit and the Buzzettes were certain to demolish.

I wonder if Robin was thinking about that when he made the bet.

Probably not.

Easy out, easy out, easy out.

He was probably thinking he had a pretty good team.

And as a matter of fact, we were.

But the truth of it is,

unless you play this game every day,

well, you're going to be erratic.

Come on, T.C.! A lizard could've caught that!

I've seen better hands on my mother.

Well, maybe you ought to bring your mom out here.

At least she is a girl. You just pitch like one.

Hey.

Present company excepted, Lola.

Hey, Lola, come on in and hit for a while.

Okay.

Go get them, huh?

Nice pitching, Rick.

The one thing this team did have is heart.

And you could say that Lola Stenhauser personified that very quality.

She was beautiful, intelligent, and boy, could she hit.

Oh, no!

Oh, there goes his weekend.

Oh, Rick, I'm sorry.

Is it your stomach?

Is it your stomach?

Come on, tough it out, Orville baby, tough it out.

We better get him out of here.

You all right?

I'll stick with him to see if he's okay.

It's probably his stomach.

Do you think he'll fire me?

No, you hit too good.

No. No, I bet he'll fire me. And then I'll really be in big trouble.

First, I lose my husband, then I lose my job,

then I won't be able to pay you.

- You don't have to pay me... - Goodbye second base.

...until you find Jerome.

Jerome.

Lola, please. Now, don't worry. I've got a lead.

I happen to know for a fact that Jerome, your husband, well, your ex-husband,

is working construction. So, I'm gonna find him,

we'll take him to court and I'll get your alimony back. I promise.

You're gonna think I'm crazy, Thomas,

but I think I still love him.

Even though he drank and ran around and acted irresponsible,

Jerome was...

Well, he was Jerome.

You know what I mean? He was sweet.

And even though we're divorced and everything,

I just want him back.

Tell me the truth. Am I crazy?

You must be mad if you think that you could--

Yes, I think I can.

Listen, maybe I am nuts.

That ain't gonna stop me from digging up those dumb orchid beds

and putting up a Tiger tent right here on this lawn.

Yes, sir.

A regular three-ring circus of sin.

Robin's nest might be pretty like it is,

but I wanna make it fun.

Fun?

Look, I gotta stay here for a year.

I might as well enjoy it. Are you hip?

I most certainly am not.

And over there, get that, Mickey,

we'll build a pleasure pool with a series of love canals.

My good man, I must inform you--

Hey, I'm gonna still keep you on.

Don't worry.

That's what's bugging you, isn't it?

Well, don't you worry, my good man.

It might be kind of fun having an English butler answer the door.

You could wear one of those black suits with the tails and stuff.

Might be kind of kinky, especially--

I have no intentions of serving you as your butler or in any other capacity

except as Mr. Masters' representative on the island.

You and your friends are his guests.

Therefore, I will seek to make your stay as comfortable as possible.

However, in so far as the future is concerned,

you still have to win your blasted game.

Hey, no problem.

No problem, T.M., win, lose, or draw,

we have got it made in the shade.

Yeah.

Buzzettes, Buzzettes, and more Buzzettes for a whole year.

Remember who your pals are, Thomas.

What about Higgins? I don't think that all this--.

Uh-uh-uh. It'll be good for him.

Yeah, it'll loosen him up.

Higgins or not, I know one thing.

This is gonna be one hell of a year, baby.

You bet your bazookas it is.

I like it.

I'll make this the arcade and game room.

Wait a second. I live here.

Who's he?

Magnum.

He sometimes helps with security.

I got my own.

Get rid of him after the game.

Yes, Uncle.

Well, what's next? I want to see it all.

Bye-bye, Buzzettes.

I think we better win.

Higgins, where am I gonna live?

Well, I suppose you could sponge off your friends for a year

or you could rent a bachelor pad in Waikiki

with a nice view of a high-rise.

- Or perhaps-- - Come on, Higgins.

We've got a real problem here and all you're doing is making jokes.

Yes.

For once, we are in agreement on something.

You must win that match.

Game, not match. It's a game.

Not to me, it isn't.

That vulgarian and his exhibitionistic entourage

are on the verge of driving me and the lads stark, raving mad.

If he wins, I will, of course, have to resign.

For I cannot stay here under these wretched conditions.

Lagoons of love, indeed.

You must win.

Don't worry, Higgins. Me and the guys are gonna do everything we can to win.

You can count on us.

And them.

Look, they're a joke.

You see, Higgins? All that paranoia over nothing.

Just a couple of rich guys making some silly bet.

Buzz and his exhibitionistic entourage, they come to Hawaii,

they have fun for a week, they lose the game, they go home.

Yeah, sure, it's a bit of an inconvenience for us,

but it's these tough little jobs that come up in life

that you and I have to do every so often that build character.

As a matter of fact, Higgins...

I think this might be good for us.

Bye.

Magnum, wait. Aren't you going to practice?

Later. I gotta find somebody first.

And that somebody was Jerome Stenhauser.

I hadn't forgotten my case for Lola.

I also hadn't forgotten about the last time I'd gone looking for him.

I'd ended up jumping out of the way of a swinging crane and lost the camera.

These construction workers tend to distrust outsiders.

That's why I thought I'd try to talk to a couple of the guys

in an atmosphere they'd be comfortable in.

Where they'd be more likely to be receptive to an honest appeal for help.

Hi, guys.

Beer, please.

I think you made a mistake.

I think you want the bar down the street.

No. I'm in the right place.

I'm looking for Jerome Stenhauser.

Never heard of him.

Well, he's a welder. A high beam man.

We're all high beam men.

Well, I heard he might be working the Kuhio site.

I think you heard wrong.

Finish your beer and blow.

Well, I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this, but--

Well, whatever it is, I'm quaking in my boots.

Wallace McNurty, State Bureau of Construction Safety.

I'm gonna have to take all your names.

What for?

Lunchtime drinking.

We've been having far too many incidents of after-lunch accidents

due to the consumption of alcoholic beverages.

This is a cooperative program between the state and your union.

Actually, it's this Stenhauser who we've had the most reports on.

But since you guys can't help me out, I guess I'll--

Koko Head Plaza.

What?

That's where you can find Jerome.

He works the 6:00 a.m. shift there.

Probably gone now, but you can catch him in the morning.

How come you didn't run like the rest of them?

Retired.

Retired, huh?

Officially, yes.

Boy, you've had some interesting life.

But on occasion, Her Majesty still requests my services.

Wow, do you have a 00 number?

By the way, did I tell you?

My uncle wants you to make up 10 new rooms by tonight.

Ten? More Buzzettes?

- Well, not exactly. - Where is he?

In the den.

Oh, my God! What are you doing?

August.

But she's...

I call her "Beauty and the Beasts."

She's not wearing anything.

With my Victoria Cross.

Catchy, huh?

And she's not even English.

Relax, baby.

Come on, show me some teeth, honey. Show me some teeth.

Lads. Lads, come at once.

Lads!

Lads!

Hey, don't forget those 10 new rooms, okay?

Atta girl.

Lads.

Oh, Thomas, I love you.

Now, when are you gonna see him?

Tomorrow before he starts work.

Great. And you'll tell me what he said at softball practice?

You got it.

Thomas, the timing couldn't be better.

Our last practice before the big game

and I'm going to get reunited with the man I love.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Thank you.

Wait a second. What?

Is tomorrow Friday?

Uh-huh.

Be careful.

Jerome doesn't like Fridays.

What?

Never has. They're his bad luck day.

- What? - Just be careful.

Sometimes Jerome is kind of weird.

- Kind of weird, Lola? - Excuse me.

Lola? Lola?

Hey, Thomas. We got some real trouble.

Why?

The Blasters are in town and by Friday night, everybody will know it.

Smile, guys.

Now grimace.

Ringers.

Now sneer.

Ringers?

Now snarl.

Mercenaries.

Good.

Look at those arcs. Incredible.

Steroid city.

Here it is. Hustle, hustle!

All right!

Hey, those guys are gonna cream us.

Come on, what makes you say that? We're not that bad.

Yeah, but we ain't that good either.

Those guys can run, hit, field without even getting their uniforms dirty.

Yeah, but they don't have any class.

Just a bunch of ringers.

That will be a lot of comfort to Higgins and T.M.

when they go thumbing through the classifieds looking for new pads.

Nobody's gonna be looking for any new pads.

I'll just talk to Buzz,

and between me and him and Robin, we'll work something out.

I mean, sure, Buzz may be a little eccentric,

but he's not gonna wanna cheat an old friend like Robin.

Hey, a bet's a bet.

We had a handshake, a gentleman's agreement.

But Robin's team, our team,

is a bunch of guys and girls who work for Robin.

Yours are a bunch of ringers. That's not fair.

My God, pal, I think you've just hit on the secret of life.

Look, I'm gonna be real fair about this.

I don't have to, either.

But you can go out and get anybody you want to play on your team.

I don't care.

I just never want it to be said that

Buzz Benoit never gave a fella an even break.

Okay?

But the game is tomorrow.

Hey, you better start hustling, Magnum.

Gin. You lose, Mickey.

Listen, you better start concentrating.

That's three weeks salary I don't have to pay you for.

I know.

Aloha, Magnum. See you at the game.

Bye, Magnum.

Bye, Mickey.

I know what you're thinking and you're right.

We spent the rest of the day and night

scouting the island for ringers.

And no one would touch us.

So now the game was only a few hours off

and I was unable to reach Robin to try to have him cancel it.

Somewhere in the south of France, his secretary said.

About the only thing that was going right

was the case for Lola Stenhauser,

and I had to admit that that seemed real insignificant at the moment.

Well, at least someone was going to be happy at practice today.

I just hoped Jerome was big on reunions.

Hi, guy.

Jerome Stenhauser?

Who's talking?

I'm Thomas Magnum. I'm a friend of Lola's and--

I guess Jerome wasn't big on reunions.

But I wasn't big on being belted in the jaw, either.

And come to think of it,

why should this case have been any easier

than anything else had been the last couple of days?

Maybe this was fate's way of pouring it on.

Only thing is, I wasn't sure what I'd done wrong.

I hate lawyers!

I'm not a lawyer!

Did I say I was a lawyer?

I said I was a friend of Lola's. She asked me to find you.

- I don't want be found. - I can see that.

You just tell her I'll pay her back the money.

I don't care if I have to work three shifts.

She doesn't care about the money. She cares about you.

No, you lie!

All you do is want the money.

Fine.

Go ahead and take it. I don't give a damn.

It's Friday. Payday.

God! Nothing good ever happens on Friday.

Nothing ever!

Now, even my money's gone.

Fine. I'll tell you what, why don't I just go sleep in the streets?

That way I never have to see another Friday or Lola again.

Or you!

Oh, my God!

You're Jerome "Bad Friday" Kappelwitz.

- Who told you? - You just did.

That and the way you swung that two-by-four, I should have known.

Lola Stenhauser's married to Jerome "Bad Friday" Kappelwitz.

I prefer "Killer."

Yeah. Yeah.

How long you been out of ball? What, four-five years.

Six years, two months, 14 days.

Yeah. You were with the White Sox.

You hit 35 home runs and then you quit because you...

Because you...

Because I broke the face of that lousy reporter in Cleveland!

He wrote bad things about me.

Yeah. He said you couldn't hit on Fridays.

No, not that there's any truth to that,

but he's the guy who stuck that nickname on you.

Yeah, well, he can't brag about that anymore.

Are you really a friend of Lola's?

No kidding, Killer, I'm on the level.

Look, I'm a private investigator.

But I also play on the same softball team that Lola does,

and she asked me to find you. She hired me, in fact.

See, she said she doesn't want the money, she loves you.

She wants you back.

She sure could play a sweet second base.

Look, Killer,

maybe we could arrange some kind of a deal.

What kind of deal?

Well, I just happen to be close personal friends

with the owner of one of the most prestigious softball teams in Hawaii.

Killer, how would you like to hit a ball again?

Awesome.

That's nothing. Watch this.

Can he pitch?

Try that again. Give me your best.

For the first time in a long, long while, I felt good.

Not just because we had our own ringer to combat all of Buzz's Benoit's,

but because for the first time,

I had the feeling that our future was in our own hands.

I couldn't wait for the game to start.

But most of all, I couldn't wait to see the look on Lola's face

when she saw the "Killer" himself.

Lola. Honey.

You lousy jerk!

Oh, no!

Killer.

Oh, honey.

Jerome?

Killer, did I hurt you?

We gotta get him a doctor.

No doctors. I told you that.

I've never seen a doctor in my whole life and I'm not gonna start now.

Even if I'm seeing two of everything.

What? I think I have double vision.

Oh, no!

Honey, I'm sorry. Really. Oh, honey.

Why'd you have to go and bop me?

Because I love you.

No. I mean, because I hate you.

I don't know. I'm so confused.

It's just my feelings are so strong, I got carried away.

I'll say. What'd you have in that purse?

My week's tips.

I guess Fridays really are bad luck for him.

It doesn't look so good for us either. The game's in an hour.

I don't know what we're gonna do.

It looks like it's just hopeless.

Not quite.

Bleak, grim, dismal, but not hopeless.

The Killer's symptoms are reminiscent of those

suffered by a Corporal Abbott in Madagascar some years ago.

'48 it was, or was it '49?

At any rate, I think I have just the remedy to alleviate his condition.

You better start alleviating, Higgie baby,

because the Blasters just blew in.

Yes. Well, time to get started.

If you'll remove your shoes, Mr. Kappelwitz.

- My shoes? - Quite.

This way, ladies. Drinks are on me.

Come on, let's go.

You sure you know what you're doing, Higgins?

Of course.

We're talking about his head not his foot.

I know that.

Well, then what are you doing?

Acupressure, of course.

Oh, yeah? Then where's the needles?

I said acupressure, not acupuncture.

In layman's terms,

the procedure is to exert surface pressure on various nerve endings

to relieve suffering and pain at the other end of the line.

Wrong nerve.

Well, needless to say, it's been quite a while

since I've had an occasion to practice this procedure.

Nevertheless, Corporal Abbott went on to lead

a totally normal and productive life.

Higgins, the game starts in ten minutes.

I know that. I'm coaching third base.

You? Who said?

I say.

Everything I have is also at stake here.

Therefore, I feel that I should be part of the team.

That's great but what do you know about baseball?

Haven't I told you about the time

when a shipment of balls and bats and gloves

was mistakenly delivered to our unit?

- Well, as you can imagine- - ALL: Higgins!

May I have your palm, Mr. Kappelwitz?

I can see normal again. I can see!

Let's go get those Blasters!

Play ball.

Come on, Killer.

Come on, Killer, baby. Lay it in here, sweetheart.

Okay, Killer. Three up, three down. Come on, guys.

Strike three.

Way to go, Killer!

All right, looking good. One down.

Where'd they get this guy?

Unc!

Unc! Unc!

Shut up.

Come on, Killer, bring it on home! Let's go!

Let's go.

You got it, Lola. All yours.

Give her room.

- All right, honey! - Way to go, Lola!

Come on, Killer.

Way to go, Killer, baby.

Who the heck is this guy? I know him.

Unc. Unc! Unc!

Shut up! You sound like a seal in heat.

Batter up.

Come on, Thomas. Big hit.

Okay, T.M. Bottom of the second.

Start it off, babes, start it off.

Way to go, Thomas.

Lead off double. Way to go, team, way to go.

Come on, Killer, bring me in.

Way to go, honey.

Damn it! I know who he is. He's-

He's Karl "Killer" Kappelwitz.

Why didn't you say so in the first place?

We did that story on him after he beat up that guy in...

Cleveland.

Okay, guys, let's go.

Ninth inning. Three up, three down.

Come on, Killer. Get rid of these turkeys.

All right, Killer! You and me!

Come on, three outs to go.

Let her rip, big guy, three up, three down.

Okay, Killer, you got them, huh? One, two, three.

I love you, honey.

Hey, Bad Friday!

Did you forget what day it is?

Gentlemen, do your duty.

Jerome Leroy Kappelwitz a.k.a. Jerome Stenhauser?

Yeah, who's talking?

Deputy Federal Marshal Homer Knowlton.

There's an outstanding felony bench warrant for your arrest

from the municipality of Cleveland, Ohio.

Come with us, Mr. Kappelwitz.

Hey, come on. Wait a second.

What did he do?

He broke the face of a beat reporter on the Cleveland Globe.

Oh, Killer.

Hey, that was six years ago. I was young and impetuous.

I'm sorry, all right?

You tell it to the judge, huh?

Well, what about the statute of limitations?

What are you talking about? That's in New York City.

- Take him away. - No!

As Mr. Masters' representative on this island,

I insist you let him pitch out the inning.

He'll pitch, all right, in Leavenworth.

Come on, Buzz, what do you say? Will you wait?

Please.

Yeah. Come on, please.

Hey, Unc, you know, maybe you ought to let--

Can it, camel-face.

Hey, ease up on the kid, will you, Buzz?

Oh, I'll ease up on him, all right.

Just like I'm gonna ease up on you jokers. Take him away.

You Paddlers are history. History.

Why, Killer?

Because he wrote bad things about me in the Friday edition.

He hasn't changed a bit.

What do we do now?

Well, I guess we'll just have to hold them.

We've got a five run lead. Three outs to go. No problem.

Hey, Rick, come on.

Now listen, no walks. Just let them hit.

It's okay, Rick, next batter. No problem.

You're out!

You're out! You're out!

All right, triple play.

Big batting out. Let's go get them.

Well, it was a good ride while it lasted.

Hey, come by after the game.

I'll fix you up a cot in the back of the hangar.

Come on, T.C., with my connections, I can get him a nice condo.

Real nice.

Hey, you, too, Higgins.

But about the lads...

Batter up!

I'll show them.

Come on, Lola. Go get them.

Get one for Killer, babe. One for Killer.

Keoki, you're on deck. Rick, you're in the hole.

Come on, Higgins, get out there.

Higgins, this is our lives.

You want some?

Okay, Lola, it only takes one.

Okay, Lola, let's go. Lola.

Come on, Lola.

Go, Lola! Go! Go!

You're out!

Out? How unfair!

- Her foot was on the bag! - She was out by a mile.

Nice try, Lola. Come on, hustle back.

Let's go!

Keoki, it only takes one.

Slam it out there!

Come on, Keoki!

Now we celebrate. Open it up, Mick.

Rick.

Now look, we're three runs down, we need a base runner.

I want you to--

If I were you, I'd put in a pinch hitter for him.

Yeah!

He's right, Magnum. At least give it a shot.

Yeah. Get Smokey or Phil or somebody.

Anybody.

What do you say, Magnum?

I know what you're thinking.

Here's where I have to step in and talk to the team.

Motivate us on to victory with a Knute Rockne speech,

and most of all, stick up for my buddy, Rick.

Okay, I'm not going to disappoint you.

Guys.

Guys, I know it doesn't look too good.

It's two outs, bottom of the ninth,

we're three runs down, our worst hitter's up.

But I know that we can come back

because this team's got heart.

We got guts,

and we've got the best bunch of ballplayers this side of Koko Head.

Except Rick.

Oh, yeah, I know. But he's a part of this team.

And that's it, guys. The team.

That's what's important. Not just any individual.

I mean, even a great like Killer,

don't forget, we scored 10 runs this game.

Yeah, and Killer drove in seven of them.

Yeah, I know.

But I also know that we got to go out of here fighting.

We got to go out of here with our heads held high.

We got to go out proud.

And the only way to do that is to send Rick here out to that plate

because he is the heart and soul of this team.

Now come on, guys. You gotta get with the team.

We'll go out tough and we'll win this one for...

For...

For Killer!

And all day off tomorrow, with pay.

Come on, Rick.

All right, Rick. It may be your pitch, huh?

Go get them. Come on, guys!

All right, you rummies, throw it in here.

All right, Rick. Base hit. Way to go, buddy.

Come on, T.C., you gotta get me in there.

Be a hitter.

He's safe.

Come on, Thomas. Home run ties it up.

Right on, Thomas. Rip it.

Come on!

The last time I was in a situation like this,

I was 13 years old in a Pony League game.

I was nervous and scared and I struck out.

I remembered my coach telling me it didn't matter.

I'd played hard, I'd given it my all,

all the things I just talked to this team about.

Well, I was still nervous and scared,

and I knew this time, it did matter.

I also knew that I could score.

My legs never felt faster, my heart never more sure.

I knew I'd make it.

Magnum, no!

Stop!

You're out of there!

Oh, my God.

By nightfall, I'll be gone.

You'll no longer have Jonathan Quayle Higgins to kick around.

It's time I moved on anyway.

I've become rather sedentary on these islands.

Perhaps I'll go to Malaysia...

or Bombay.

Okay, Higgins, I'm sorry. Really.

I guess I should have held up. I just...

I thought I could make it.

I mean, yeah, somebody else might have knocked me in.

- But the percentage-- - Shut up, Magnum.

Save the postmortems for your equally inept teammates.

They're not inept. We tried.

You know, sometimes things in life,

just don't turn out the way we think they should, Higgins.

Sometimes you have to take the bad times

in order to appreciate the good ones.

But I'll tell you something, Higgins.

I'm gonna walk out of here with my head held high.

I'm proud of the job that I've done

and I'm proud of my teammates.

And you wanna know something else?

What?

I'm proud of you, too.

And you wanna know why?

Why?

Because we went through this whole unpleasant experience with pride,

honesty and above all, with...

- Courage. - Thank you, Mickey.

Hey, Magnum, why don't you turn up the Queen of Hearts?

What Queen of Hearts, Mickey?

There's no Queen of Hearts showing.

This one.

It's a marked deck.

Is this the one he used with Robin?

All his decks are marked.

Thank you, Mickey.

Thank you.

I think it's time to go, don't you?

Would you like to join us?

Easy now. Easy. Hey, careful.

That lady cost me more than my last wife.

Put it back.

- What? - Put it back.

And you and your Blasters and your Buzzettes,

or whatever you call them, and get out of here.

Hey, guy, let's not get carried away here.

A game is a game, a bet's a bet.

Tell that to Robin. You cheated him.

All your cards are marked.

The bet was bogus in the first place.

Sue me.

I'll do better than that, Buzz.

I'll write about it.

Aloha, Buzz.

Who told you?

Aloha, Uncle.