Original subtitles

Hey guys,

um,

y'all sound great. It's just...

I mean, the lyrics,

I wrote them a month ago and they're starting

to sound as tired as one of my dad's

"back when I was in a band" stories.

You know, back when I was in a band,

we didn't have cheese near this fancy.

We had nacho cheese.

That's the cheese that we'd steal from ZZ Top's dressing room

and then some dude would come in and say "Hey",

that's 'nacho' cheese."

Hey, Hannah, you know, the lyrics aren't that bad.

Yeah,

but they're not that good, either.

I'm not going your way,

I'm not going your way. I...

I was only kidding.

You look really pretty.

Oh, don't think I didn't notice you

bailing on the one you say you love.

Oliver,

Lilly is the one who loves you, okay?

Lola is dating Justin Timberlake,

according to an internet rumor I have no idea who started.

Hey guys, uh,

y'all can take off.

I've still got a little work to do on the lyrics.

"A little work"?

That's like saying Taylor Swift is a little bit cute.

Oh, what,

- you can fake-date and. - I can't? Yeah. Okay.

Hey, you want to grab some lunch?

Jesse, you know,

that's really sweet,

but, you know,

I kind of make it a thing not to date guys in my band.

So if,

you know, at some point you want to have lunch,

you know, that's cool.

But, you know, just not "have lunch."

Okay, yeah, cool.

What are you doing?

Listen, you know, I know Jesse's really cute,

but he's got a rep as a real player

and my dad told me to steer clear of him.

So you're not going to date that guy just because...

That's "nacho" cheese! Get it?

That guy told you not to?

Absolutely.

Why aren't you answering? It's nobody.

No! You're not seriously telling me that the...

Telling you what?

I knew you'd be this way.

What way?

Well, how could you be so stupid?

Why is she stupid?

Lola, you don't understand.

- I don't understand anything. - Give me.

Hi, Jake.

Hey, Miley.

I'm done filming for the day.

You want to meet at the usual place?

Uh, it's Lilly.

Uh, uh,

I-I mean, uh,

your order of meat is ready at the usual place.

I forgot to tell you!

I'm dating Jake Ryan!

What?

- Oh, keep up! - Ow!

How could you not tell us?

Look,

I wanted to tell you, but,

I mean, after everything that Jake and I have gone through,

I just knew that you would say...

You are making the biggest mistake of your life!

Yes, yes,

but then I would have continued and said,

you know,

it's your life!

And if that's what makes you happy then who am I to judge?

I mean, the heart wants what it wants,

even if it's some,

you know, goofy,

klutzy guy who's not half as cool as he thinks he is.

Ain't that the truth?

Yeah.

Wait a minute,

- we're still talking about Jake, right? - Sure.

Look, guys,

it's not like I totally caved in to Jake.

I mean,

I made him work for it.

I made him beg.

Miley!

I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to see me again, but...

Jake!

Yep, Miley Stewart kept her dignity.

I'm just amazed your dad's cool

with it after everything Jake put you through.

Oh please,

like she told her dad. I mean,

it's probably been nothing but secret meetings

and late night phone calls. Oh,

I bet they even have code names for each other

like Falcon and Snow Bird.

You are so wrong.

It's Anikan and Queen Amidala.

So, I mean, what are you going to do?

I mean,

you can't keep this a secret from your dad forever.

I'm not going to.

I've just got to continue to work on Jake's image.

Look at this.

I got my publicity guy to get Jake Ryan at a pet adoption

on the front page of the newspaper.

Dad loves dogs

and I'm going to put this in the bathroom where he does his,

you know, heavy reading.

"Nacho" cheese!

Come on, man, that's funny stuff!

I swear, your band has no sense of humor.

You ready to go?

Look!

Aw, look at that little puppy.

Now,

let's get you away from that miserable

punk who broke my daughter's heart.

There.

All better!

If all this and, uh,

Mamaw's award-winning boysenberry pie doesn't,

you know,

soften Dad up for the big Jake news,

I don't know what will.

Hey, you know what would really soften him up?

If you dug out that old kitty sweater that he got you

for your fourteenth birthd...

Oh my!

Now, that's commitment.

Tell me about it.

But, uh,

if you see me turning blue,

grab one of these butter knives

and cut me out of this polycotton death trap.

Yeah, sure, you got it.

Mm,

hey this is really good. What is it?

Oh, it's Dad's favorite. It's, uh, catfish stew.

Mm. Oh, what's this?

No, no, no, no!

Oh, is it a grape?

Mm,

oh it really bursts with flavor.

That's the eyeball!

Hey!

That's the best part!

Now I'm going to have to give Dad the other one.

Excuse me,

I'm just going to go, uh,

walk through the car wash with my mouth open!

Lilly! Hey,

how have you been?

No, don't you "how have you been" me, Anakin.

Okay?

I've got my eye on you.

And so does that stew!

Jake,

what are you doing here?

My dad's going to be home any minute.

I don't care, I... Wow,

that sweater... is adorable!

I'm only wearing it because my dad gave it to me,

but thanks for the fake compliment.

Good boyfriend stuff, keep it up.

Oh. Oh, well "meow" to you, too!

That was my sweater!

Seriously,

you've got to get out of here before my dad sees you.

No, no, no, no, no. Look,

I don't care if he sees me.

I'm tired of sneaking around behind his back.

We need to tell him.

And we will.

You know, I've just got

to give him a snootful of catfish and my eyeball.

What?

Never mind. Just,

you've got to trust me on this, Jake.

I'm going to feed him and then

I'm going to close the deal by, uh,

showing him this movie about a dad

who hates the guy that his daughter's dating,

but learns to love him anyways.

I was up for that part!

But apparently Shia LaBeouf has bigger box office appeal.

Dad's home!

I mean, my box office is just as big as his.

Aw, sure it is, honey.

We'll talk about that later.

Oh, okay,

but I'm coming back after the movie whether

it works or not and we're telling your dad.

Okay. Okay, okay, just leave!

Because when Jake Ryan loves a girl, he...

Doesn't give up, I get it, get out! Bye!

Bye.

Actors!

Whee, doggies, is that catfish stew I smell?

Surprise, Daddy!

Now hold on, here.

My favorite stew, boysenberry pie,

and you got on that old kitty sweater

I got you a couple years ago?

Miley Ray Stewart, you want something.

I just want my daddy to know how much I love him.

Wasn't that just a touching movie?

The way that that dad learned how

to accept the boy that his daughter loves.

Now that is a role model for supportive parenting.

I'm just saying.

I've got to admit, heartwarming story.

It's a nice movie.

Certainly was.

Yeah, but it's all a bunch of hooey!

Hoo-what?

Well, ain't no father in his right mind going

to forgive that slimeball kid for hurting his daughter.

I know I wouldn't.

Oh, Dad,

you don't mean that.

How about a fourth piece of pie?

Ooh, sounds good,

but, you know what?

Now I'm too agitated thinking about

what I'd do to that kid after breaking my daughter's heart!

It'd get mighty ugly, I tell you what.

Mm, mm.

Slimeball stew!

My favorite!

Oh, no.

Mr. Stewart, please!

Miley will never forgive you.

Sure she will.

As long as she gets an eyeball.

Where'd that breeze come from?

From that dry,

barren wasteland of your cold,

cold heart.

Huh?

Never mind.

And you are doing the dishes tonight,

you movie-hating,

eyeball-hogging hillbilly.

No! I'm not running away!

Oh boy.

I am through hiding!

Jake.

What are you doing?

Standing up for us!

And protecting my face.

I'm filming tomorrow.

Listen,

Mr. Stewart,

I'm in love with your daughter

and you're just going to have to deal with it. Sir?

Okay,

I've just got one question.

Who are you?

We've been dating for the past three weeks.

Three weeks, two days and eight-and-a-half hours.

Aw, babe,

you counted the hours!

And I did that myself.

I didn't even have my assistant do it.

Now, is he a keeper or what?

I'm thinking just wrap him in a recycling bag and take him home!

All right, Dad, look.

Go ahead and yell at me.

Tell me how much you don't like him,

tell me I'm making the biggest mistake of my life,

because no matter what you say,

it's not going to make a difference.

I just can't believe you kept this from me.

I thought we had a better relationship than that.

Evidently I was wrong.

Hey, Daddy,

I'm trying to decide on what to wear to, uh,

next year's Tween Scene Awards.

I mean,

I'm not nominated yet,

but with the incredible songs that you write,

I know I'm a shoo-in.

So, uh, what do you think?

Doesn't really matter what I think.

You're going to pick what you want anyway

and then not tell me until it walks into my house hiding behind a surf board.

Fine.

I guess I just won't wear anything.

Au natural.

My birthday suit.

My skin sweater.

Whatever.

Hey, big guy!

Remember that one time that, uh,

I tried to go to Florida all alone even though you said I couldn't?

Whoo, were you mad at me!

But, uh,

then you wrote that beautiful song called,

"Ready, Set, Don't Go."

And out of it came an even deeper,

richer relationship.

Not to mention, a number one song. Hey!

Talk about your biscuits and gravy. So, uh,

how about we write a song about

what we're going through right now?

I'll start.

I want the best for my girl.

She can date any guy.

Doo-da-dee-da-da-da.

Here we go.

Best...

Sing with me.

For my girl.

Whoo

I don't care what you say

I don't care what you say.

Just because you're my daddy.

Doesn't mean you get it your way.

Neener neener neener.

You're so meaner meaner.

What do you think?

Truth or lying?

Lying, please.

- Wow! - Best song ever!

I know, it's terrible.

Stink-o!

Worst song ever!

Oh, come on!

You guys, I just can't concentrate.

I mean,

as long as I keep dating Jake,

Dad's going to be mad

and if I stop dating Jake then I'm going to be mad.

Wow, that's tough.

"That's tough"?

That's all you've got?

I mean,

if this was your problem,

I would come up with some crazy plan that would ultimately fix everything!

Someone forgot to bring a present to the friendship party!

Oh.

I, uh,

hope she's talking about you because I brought nothing.

This is not fair.

I give you great ideas all the time, okay?

Remember last week when we didn't know what to do and I suggested,

"Let's go to a movie"?

And we did!

And then afterwards you were hungry and I suggested pizza,

and you loved it! Okay,

that's two great ideas in one night.

Need I go on?

I think not!

Hey, Mr. Stewart, how's it going?

Well, doesn't really matter how I think it's going, does it?

Why don't you ask my daughter how she thinks it's going?

That's all that seems to matter in my house!

Okay then.

I'm just going to sit here,

eat my shrimp, and avoid eye contact.

But Jesse,

I love you!

It can't be over!

Look, Rachel,

I have been telling you for weeks,

I'm just not feeling it anymore.

I'm sorry.

Okay. Bye.

Hey, Jesse,

- you and I need to have just a little. - Hang on, boss.

Two, one...

Fine, I'll go!

I have my pride!

Just don't you even think about calling me at my new number,

five-five-five-zero-one-two-nine.

Just get five-five-five-zero-one-two-nine

out of your head because I won't answer!

- Hey listen, man, you're not, you know. - Not quite.

And I mean it!

Never call five-five-five-zero-one-two-nine!

Even though we're on the same plan

and it won't cost you! Humph!

Okay, that's usually it.

Sounds like you go through this quite a bit.

Yeah, chicks, huh?

Well, it better stop.

Hey listen, man,

I don't like the fact that you keep showing up late

and I really don't like the way you treat "chicks." But...

And I hate the fact that you keep interrupting me.

Now, you're a good guitar player,

but you're not that dang good.

You either pull yourself together or get out.

Okay, okay,

it won't happen again.

Whoa,

your dad does not like Jesse.

Not kidding. I mean,

he pushes his buttons. I mean,

he's late,

he's-he's mean to girls,

heck, the only button he hasn't pushed is...

Who ate the last apple fritter?

Whoo, man,

imagine if you had gone out with Jesse when he asked you.

I know.

Hey, hey wait, I got it!

Okay,

after rehearsal you get Jesse to ask you out,

making sure your dad can hear, right?

Which of course freaks him out,

and you say "Oh, oh",

would you rather I date Jake"?

And he says, "Yes!"

Anybody, but Mr. Always-Late-Mean-To- Girls-Eat-My-Apple-Fritter Guy"!

Booya!

Another great idea from the mind that brought you movies and a pizza!

Finally!

Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah-Nah.

Let's do this.

Whoo, yeah!

Great rehearsal, everybody!

Of course,

that's just my opinion,

probably doesn't mean much.

All right,

that's it.

Time for Operation DABBS-JLB.

What?

Operation Date A Bad Boy So Jake Looks Better.

Duh.

Wow, you two are freaky.

Hey!

Hey, Jesse, uh, could I talk to you for a minute in private?

Sure, we can go over here.

No, no, no, no, no,

it's way too drafty. Bad for the pipes.

Muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh-muh!

Much better right here.

Uh, yeah,

under the air vent.

Much better.

So, what's up?

Yeah, remember the other day when you,

uh, you know...

Yeah, Gary, listen.

Uh, Robby Ray here.

Let me take this outside for a second.

There's people up here talking.

Uh, you're right, it's like a meat locker in here.

Let's go.

Yeah listen, Gary,

I think we're going to have to flip the Portland show with the Seattle date.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, so, um,

remember the other day when you, uh,

asked me out!

I'm right here!

Gary, let me take this out here.

These folks evidently have never been out of the house before.

So, you want to go out?

What?

Do you want to go out?

What?

Do you want to go out?

And that's as loud as I'm doing it!

Oh, I think that did the trick.

Hannah, I'm not sure what's going on, but this...

Well, I am. See,

Hannah likes a boy that I don't like.

And she knows I don't like you.

So she's asked you out hoping that

I don't like you more than the boy

that I don't like that she does like.

Simple.

Dad, that's not true.

I really like Jesse,

because he's an apple-fritter-stealing bad boy.

Bad to the bone!

Oh! Okeydokey.

In that case,

here's the keys to my car,

have her home by in the morning.

What?

What? I wasn't a fool yesterday and I ain't one today.

Yeah, neither am I.

And I don't like being liked just to prove that

I am less likable than some other guy that he doesn't like.

And, yeah,

I did eat the apple fritter.

And it was good!

Hey there.

Hi!

Hope you liked the show.

Uh, oh,

we weren't eavesdropping.

- Um. No, no, um... - That's what you think,

- but we were just, uh, we were. - Filling ourselves in

ahead of time to save you the trouble later.

Mm-hmm.

It's, uh... It's really a consideration thing.

Yeah.

That we were...

- Yeah, we'll see you at home. - Yep.

Dad,

I'm going to date Jake.

I just don't want to do it behind your back.

Well,

I don't want you to do that either.

So what are we going to do about it?

I guess we'll do it like we do everything else.

Take it one step at a time.

You know, I'm still not sure I like that boy, but y

ou've went through all this trouble,

so I think I should at least give him a chance.

I love you, Dad.

Well, unless you were to change your mind.

There might be a convertible...

Daddy.

You're right, you're right.

Bad parenting.

I should be ashamed.

Unless you were to change your mind,

then we...

Afraid not, big guy.

No offense,

but what in the Sam heck am I doing sitting here hugging you?

I've got a boyfriend to call.

Hey!

Jake,

I couldn't wait to tell you,

I... I'll call you back.

Jesse.

Hey, man, listen,

I'm really sorry about the whole dating thing, it's...

Forget it.

Come on, Jess, you can't be mad.

I mean, it's not like we were together or anything. Jesse!

Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Jesse?

I'm happy for you.

It looks like you got what you wanted.

Okay, uh,

I'm still sensing a little bit of edge here.

Oh, I get it.

Someone's used to being in control.

Am I right?

Am I right?

Who's right? I am!

I really like you.

What?