Original subtitles

Miley, what's wrong?

Did you get a "D" in algebra?

Uh-uh.

A "D" in science?

You saw your yearbook picture?

No, I'm listening--

What's wrong with my yearbook picture?

Nothing. It's a sweet smile.

It says "I'm friendly and I like spinach."

This is what I get for eating healthy.

So, uh, what are you listening to?

Only the most romantic e-book ever.

"Love Beyond Love: A Story Of Love"?

Did you get to the part at the flea market

where Chloe and Jacques both reach for that romantic book of poetry?

Their hands just touched,

their eyes just met.

And the air was filled with a thousand violins.

Yeah, I saw your yearbook picture, too, Stewart.

So sad.

That beautiful piece of spinach surrounded by all that ugly.

Yeah, well, I saw your yearbook picture too,

Joannie. Looks just like you. Sorry.

You really want to go there with me, Truscott?

Any day, Palumbo!

Except Wednesdays. You've got piano.

Except Wednesdays! But any other day!

Oooh, I'm scared, Truscott.

Or should I say,

Wimp-cott!

I hate her so much I name my boogers after her.

You know we should feel sorry for her.

A girl like that will never find love like Chloe did with Jacques.

Sorry. Here,

this is your, uh... poetry book?

No!

Uh. Well, uh, sorry.

- I'm sorrier. - I'm sorriest.

This whole thing is sorry.

Uh, well, bye.

- Bye. Bye.

Hi. Hi.

Snap out of it!

What?

She's evil.

Yeah, and she's been that way since the second grade.

I loved that kite.

I love my kite.

I love my kite.

I love--My kite!

I love my balloon.

I love my balloon.

I love--My balloon!

No way you are dating that kite-cutting,

balloon-popping wart on a big monkey butt!

Yeah, she's...

You know, when you go to big monkey butt,

I can't top that.

Anyway,

you never liked Joannie before.

Why now?

Well,

I never really looked into her eyes before.

Those deep, green--

Vats of moldy, toxic fungus!

Those eyes?

Please promise us you won't ask her out.

Please, quick!

Okay, all right. Fine.

I won't ask her out.

Good call.

I picked up yours by mistake.

- Do you want to go out? - I'd love to.

I need to use the bathroom.

No problem, kid. That'll be one dollar.

But I don't have a dollar.

You should've thought of that before you had that extra large drink.

But you talked me into buying it!

Did I? Mwah-ha-ha-ha!

Hi, so what's good here?

Oh, you're looking at it.

And if you act right now,

I'll throw in a romantic evening and an order of macho nachos.

Wow. Well, talk about your value meal.

I'm sorry. Did that actually work?

No.

But I've been watching you for a while and I think you're cute.

So, when do I get that evening of romance?

Let me check my schedule.

February,

March,

July--How about tonight?

Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha.

- Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha. - What?

Hey, Jackson.

I see you've met my cousin.

Your cousin?

She's your cousin?

You are so funny.

I can't wait to see you tonight.

Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Oh, boy.

I know. Cute, huh?

Except for that weird laugh.

Annoying.

Little bit.

Okay, this is crazy.

It's almost noon and we still haven't heard

anything from Oliver about the date.

Oh, come on, Lilly.

We've just got to think positive.

I mean the date probably went awful and

he ran away in screaming terror.

Or, it went great and he's strolling towards us happily in love.

Oh, hey, guys.

Come on, Big O, let's go someplace with a nicer view.

Yeah, you better get her off the beach,

"Big O".

Didn't you read the signs?

No dogs allowed.

Oh, you want to go, Truscott?

- Bring it on, kite cutter! - All right.

- Okay. - All right.

Hey, hey.

Okay.

Listen, love doodle,

- you promised you'd be nice. - Mm-hmm.

Love doodle?

Let me take care of this.

Go over to the boardwalk and get yourself a ceramic dolphin.

My treat.

Thanks, Big O! Bye.

Okay, guys, you know what? I really like her.

Can't you at least try to be nice to her?

For me?

Oliver, when you put it that way...no.

Some friends you are!

Oliver, stop.

Can't you just give it a shot?

Invite her to a sleep over or something.

Like we'd ever have a sleepover with Joannie.

Fine, we'll invite her.

Girl who always says "say what", say what?

I can't believe you dragged me into this.

Just remember that it's for Oliver.

Fine. Look,

I set up her sleeping bag. Are you happy?

A rubber snake.

Come on, Lilly, you're better than that.

Yeah, I know. It's real.

Get that thing out of here!

Look, I'll get rid of this snake if you get rid of that one.

Lilly!

Fine. Come on, Wiggly, you don't want to meet her anyway.

And here we are!

Hey, guys!

Remember, my friends are your friends.

Whatever you say, honey.

Okay. Well, all right, bye.

- All right, bye. - Bye.

Bye-bye.

Bye.

Let's get this over with.

Good to see you, too, Joannie.

Lilly, say hi to Joannie.

Eh. Whatever.

So, this is just going to be so much fun!

What do you girls want to do tonight?

- Puke. - Leave.

Well, it can only go up from here.

I can't believe this.

Yeah, and I can't believe that you and Rico are from the same...

Family?

I was going to say species.

Mwah-ha-ha-ha.

Mwah-ha-ha-ha.

Okay. Okay, I'm really not that funny.

Mwah-ha-ha-ha.

- Mwah-ha-ha-ha. - I mean it. Stop.

Okay.

Hey-oh!

Is something wrong?

No, it's just, uh,

sand in my eye.

Evil, little grains of sand.

Now, where were we?

I've been waiting for this moment all night.

Sorry. I...

I have to...poop.

And now, Milda, it's your turn to travel with the pants.

Aw.

Eat plasma, alien scum!

Will you keep it down, Palumbo?

You keep it down, Truscott!

Make me!

Uh, you know,

I was thinking we could do something a little more slumber partyish?

How about a good old fashioned pillow fight?

Actually, I was thinking --

Sounds good to me!

Or we could play a board game!

Or, do our nails!

Or-Or, talk about Oliver. Oliver!

How-How we love that he,

uh, he, um...

He is bringing us together.

Just pick something!

Now Lillian,

I am sure there is a nicer way you could say that.

You're right.

Joannie,

will you please just pick something!

Fine.

How does she have a career?

She's terrible.

Okay, it's official.

I hate her, too.

Now, Milian,

I am sure there's a nicer way you can say that.

Look at that.

Her big fat lips don't even match that squeaky little voice.

That's it!

Yes, Oliver.

How's it going?

Great!

Then why aren't you sitting with her?

How do you know that?

Go home.

Okay. I love you guys for trying.

You're the best! Bye!

- What do we do now? - We can't be friends with her.

Well, we're doing this for Oliver.

The least we can do is fake it.

Fine.

Enough of this garbage.

Hockey, yes!

Ooh, I love hockey.

You do?

Yeah, who doesn't like hockey?

Yeah, Miley likey hockey.

Hey, is that Mario L'Chambeaux?

Yeah. He's making another comeback.

If the guy gets any older they're going to have to put blades

on his walker.

No kidding. Check it.

Looks likes he's had more face-lifts than face-offs.

Yeah,

I bet he's so old he like can't even shoot a touchdown.

No, Joannie!

We're ten-thousand feet up! Stop pushing!

Huh?

What?

Stop--Where's my parachute?

Joannie!

That was horrible!

Don't worry, it was just a bad dream.

I was talking about last night.

In the dream I went "splat",

but at least I got away from Joannie.

So, uh, where is the Wicked Witch of the West Coast?

Oh, she's in the bathroom.

Stealing soap, no doubt.

So, uh,

good job with the hockey thing last night.

Way to fake it.

Uh, yeah, about that. Um,

somewhere between the, uh,

hockey game and the spitting contest, it, uh,

stopped being fake.

Girl who says I "say what", say what?

Well, first she wanted to put your bra in the freezer,

but I said no, let's go out on the deck

and have a spitting contest instead.

Going to work.

By the way, it's a little slippery out there.

What do you mean you stopped faking?

What up, T-Cott?

Yo, yo, P-Bo.

Yo, yo--How long was I asleep?

Hey, what was that thud?

Oh, Jackson took a dip in Lake Loogie.

Oh, sweet!

I know! Yeah.

Uh, you seem to have forgotten something.

We hate her.

Oh, we did.

But now, not so much.

Hey, how'd it go?

'Cause I don't know because I wasn't here.

We actually had fun.

And Lilly's going to play in the pickup hockey game today.

- She is? - Mm-hmm.

You are?

Didn't I tell you that?

See you at the rink, T-Cott.

Sock it, lock it, put it in your pocket.

- This is so cool! - Mm-hmm.

Come here.

Well, look at that.

A room full of BFF...F...F...F's?

I haven't seen that many Fs since Jackson's last report card.

Whoo, dang, I'm funny.

Well, thanks T-Cott, I had a great time.

And, Miley, I...

Well, bye.

I'll see you at the game.

You know you can come to the game too, if you want.

How could you do this to me?

Miley, if you'd just give Joannie a chance,

- you'll see - Give her a chance?

She pushed me out of a plane!

You were dreaming!

Oh, she would've done it.

Well, can we talk about this later?

I promised Joannie I'd warm up with her before the game.

Bye.

Did you see that, Daddy? They're all friends.

Well, that's just wrong. Kids being friends,

doing stuff together.

There ought to be a law against it.

A law I tell you.

I'm serious. They're already doing stuff without me

after a couple of days.

Where's it gonna end?

- Out of the way! - Out of the way!

Get out of the way!

Out of the way!

Guys, wait for me!

Yoo-hoo. Hey, y'all.

Do you guys want to hang out today?

No way, Milly.

We got a hockey game today.

I can't believe you were friends with that loser.

My name's Miley.

Oh, come on, Mile.

Lilly and Oliver are never going to forget about you.

You're right! They won't.

Because I'm not going to let them!

If they want to play hockey,

I can hock it up with the best of them!

Hey.

Jackson? Are you feeling better?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

Um,

look, about last night,

it wasn't really my stomach.

The truth is,

I've got this thing with Rico and I just needed--

One second.

What?

No, Miley, I don't have a hockey stick!

I don't know. Try a sporting goods store.

Or Canada!

Hey, thanks for waxing my board.

I'll finish up.

Your boards in the back.

Cool.

I don't care,

I'm busy!

Uh, bye-bye.

Oh, man, it's getting worse.

- What's getting worse? - Sh, just don't talk.

Please, I-I need to get over this and there's only one way to do that.

Uh, Jackson,

- what are you - Sh.

What I should've done last night.

I really like you.

And this is gonna fix everything.

Jackson, what are you doing?

I was going to ask the same question!

This is not what it looks like!

He said you were weird.

If this is your way of trying to kiss up to the boss,

it's not working.

Hey, Big O.

Hey, Jo-Jo.

You know, you looked great out there.

Eh.

??

Yeah, nice outfit, Stewart.

Playing hockey or baking a cake?

Good one, P-Bo! Whoa!

Who's the dork?

It's Miley.

Miley.

You're here! That's great!

You look...great!

And I feel great, T-Cott!

Get ready to sock it,

lock it and rock it,

because this girl knows how to hock it!

Ew, ew, ew,

I-I got it in my mask. Ew!

Miley, I'm really glad you're here,

but are you sure you want to do this?

Yeah. I mean if you and Oliver are going to hang out with Joannie,

so am I.

But you stink at sports.

Oh, come on.

Stop worrying. Everything's going to be totally--

fine.

Missed me, sucka!

Na-na-na-na.

Nothing gets past the wall!

Nothing gets past the wall!

Hey, I caught it!

Daddy.

I heard a ding.

Are my brownies ready?

Oh, look, Miley,

here comes Oliver with more ice.

You remember Oliver.

Mm-hmm.

Are you feeling any better, Miley?

No. I'm beat up,

I smell like a a giant sweat sock

and "P-Bo" is stealing my best friends!

What? What are you talking about?

She's not stealing anybody.

But, you're right about that sweat sock.

It's a little stanky.

Miley, do you really think just because

I kind of like Joannie now it means

I'm not going to be your best friend anymore?

Well, yeah, maybe a little. I mean,

I thought I was losing you guys,

I wasn't thinking--I'm injured, be nice!

Miley,

you're always going to be my best girl-bud.

- Hey! - One of my two best girl-buds.

But...

I don't like your girlfriend.

That's cool.

She doesn't like you either.

But you tried.

And that means a lot.

So, you don't care that I think that she's a wart on a big monkey butt?

- Is that okay if I use that now? - All yours.

Look,

I'm dating someone you don't like.

Odds are,

are that we're gonna date people the other two can't stand.

Yeah. Remember Josh?

Oh and Trey.

- And Jake. - Oh my gosh.

Guys, you made your point!

Look, the important thing is,

we just have to trust that this is strong enough to handle anything.

Ooh.

You know,

I could learn to like hockey.

Hi, what's good here?

Oh, you're looking at it.

And if you act right now,

I'll throw in an evening of romance and an order of macho nachos.

You're cute.

One sec.

I can't believe that worked again.

Hey, Jackson,

I see you've met my sister.

Huh?

Hey, hot stuff?

Want to go dancing?

Go away!

Excuse me?

Miss me, miss me,

bet you want to kiss me.

I would never kiss you.

Fine. Kiss this, jerk.

You are ruining my life.

Aw, you say the sweetest things.