Original subtitles

come on, everybody. Put your hands together.

l want to hear y'all scream!

Thank you! Thank you!

-Where are we? -Albuquerque.

Albuquerque! My favourite city in my favourite state...

-Guam. -Guam!

l hate you.

l love you all! Good night! Toodles!

Get us out of here, Larry!

One of the things l love about this bus, it brushes for you.

But it could use a bigger sink.

Hey, Lilly.

Yeah, we just left the show in Albuquerque.

Yes, in New Mexico! Where else would it be?

Guam?

What? Shut up!

No, you shut up. Oh, my gosh.

Dad, Lilly's got extra tickets to Maroon 5 tomorrow night!

We got to get home!

Oh, no, but l was kind of hoping we could take the scenic route.

Maybe stop and see a couple historical...

-Come on. -Come on, Daddy.

Not another rock where Lewis and Clark took a tinkle break.

When l said they were marking their territory, l meant surveying.

Dad, call it whatever you want. lt's boring.

Can we please just go home?

Yeah. Please, please, please, please.

Help me out, Lilly.

-Please, please, please, please! -Please, please, please, please!

Twenty-one hours of that, Daddy, in Lilly-Miley Surround Sound.

What do you want to do, Miley? Just race your way through life,

never taking time to stop along the way and smell the roses?

Maybe miss some wonderful surprise that's right in front of you

that could change you forever?

Yep, that's pretty much the plan.

Lilly, save me a ticket. l'm on my way home.

Lilly, l gotta go. Apparently, dessert's on me tonight.

Hey, Larry, back up. She missed a spot!

That's all right, Larry. l got it.

Son, you might wanna go easy on the makeup.

We're not in Los Angeles yet.

Then why are we stopping?

Because we're at a historical landmark.

Look, it's raining outside, l'm hungry,

and besides that, this diner comes with one heck of a good story.

And you made me drive right past the world's largest rubber band ball.

You owe me.

Fine. l know where you can see the world's biggest pile of dirty socks.

Jackson's room! Let's drive!

And if you're good, l'll let you ride down the underwear mountain.

Now, l don't want to hear it.

We're gonna stop and smell the dang roses,

and you're gonna like it!

So clean up your faces, get off this bus and start sniffing!

Daddy.

come on!

Relax, we won't be here more than a half hour, tops.

Dad, it's gonna take her a half hour just to get here.

Excuse me. We're ready to order.

Forgot my pen. Back in a jiff.

You just can't find an old-fashioned hamburger like this

out on the main highway.

lt makes you want to savour every bite.

Yeah, sure. Eating. Savouring. Done.

Let's go.

Come on, Miley. Slow down.

Even your brother's getting into the spirit of this place.

Prospector Pete found his way through the maze to the gold.

Again!

Now, about that story.

Twenty years ago, l walked into this very place

and had an experience that changed my life.

Let me guess, Daddy, you saw your first mullet

and knew that was the do for you.

What a great story. l'm welling up. Let's go.

You know what?

lf you don't want to hear the story, then l'm not gonna tell it.

You showed us. Let's go.

Okay, if you two are in such a dang-fired hurry,

then just go out on the bus and wait.

l'm gonna sit here and enjoy my delicious burger

and think of the memories of a wonderful story

that you two will never know.

Excuse me, ma'am.

May l have another cup of your delicious coffee?

You're in luck. l'm brewing a fresh pot.

One,

two...

Time for my break.

Three,

four...

l hope you're happy.

l am.

Hey, Oliver, here's your ticket for Maroon 5 tonight.

Where's my 50 bucks?

You'll get it.

Right after Rico pays me for fixing these chairs.

The little genius was gonna pay a professional 1 00 bucks.

l did it for half, and all it took was, like, five minutes

and some monster glue.

Who's the genius now?

Looks like it's still Rico.

Would you just give me a hand?

l always wanted to do that.

Now, would you just help me out of this thing?

You fixed this one too, didn't you?

lt's solid, isn't it?

-Come here. -No.

Come here. No, l'm not gonna hurt you.

That's what you always say before you hurt me.

Get over here! Oliver!

Okay, this part, this was not my fault.

That's okay. What's right in front of you right now?

-A post. -Good.

No!

He said half an hour, and he's still not back.

This can only mean one thing.

That meringue-loving hillbilly ordered a second piece of pie!

l am not going to miss Maroon 5! Come on, Jackson. Let's go.

You go. l'm about ready to break my downhill record.

You're about to break something, all right.

No. No. Wait. lt's too fast.

No, no, no. lt's too fast. lt's too fast!

Awesome! l gotta do that again.

Sorry, buddy, slopes are closed. Let's go.

And this time, l'm taking off the gloves.

Daddy, l want to go home.

Yep, that ought to get her done. Let's go.

Miley! Miley. Miley, are you okay?

Next time, you're going first.

That's weird. What happened to the storm?

What happened to this place?

All righty, hot stuff coming through.

And l'm not talking about the food, sweet-cakes.

What happened to her? Where's Daddy?

l don't know. Let's ask Mom.

Shake your tail feathers, college girl, you've got tables!

Whatever, Loretta.

Come on, there is no way that's Mom.

That's just a girl who looks exactly like Mom when she was in college.

1 98 7.

l don't know the exact year.

l do. 1 98 7. June 2, to be exact.

Brother in a time warp say what?

The lightning! lt must have zapped us back in time somehow!

That's crazy, and l am going to prove it to you.

Excuse me, ma'am, l'm taking a little survey.

lf you had a daughter, what would you name her?

-Miley. -Thank you.

-We're in trouble. -Yeah. Wow.

-Wow, look at her. -l know. She's beautiful.

Our mom was totally hot.

And our dad was totally not.

Quick, hide!

Jackson, hello, no reason to hide. We're not born yet.

Right. Force of habit.

-Excuse me, ma'am. -Sorry, hon, right back.

Oh, man.

Oh, my gosh.

Jackson, this is the story he wanted to tell us!

The thing that changed his life. lt was Mom!

We're actually going to see the moment they met!

Excuse me, miss?

l'm, like, totally lost and kind of in a hurry.

Which way back to Highway 1 0?

...Egyptian

Left at the traffic light. Can't miss it, hunky boy.

Wicked cool, foxy momma.

Wait, where's he going?

Okay, okay, look, don't panic. He's got to come back, right?

l mean, obviously they met, or we wouldn't even be here.

Jackson.

Okay, now we can panic.

-Coffee? -Yeah.

Non-fat vanilla decaf half-caf cap with just a dollop of foam.

Coffee?

Yes, please.

-There you go. -Thank you.

No, don't, don't, don't. Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

-Dad's not going anywhere for a while. -How do you know?

While he was on the pay phone, l pulled that out of his car.

l don't know what it is...

Somebody stole my distributor cap!

...but l'm guessing it's a distributor cap.

Frost my applesauce.

l still got two days of driving to get back to Nashville,

and now l gotta sit here and waste time waiting on a mechanic.

Are you okay? Did anything else disappear?

Well, let's just put it this way.

lf l want to drink my coffee, l have to do it like this.

Why isn't anything happening to you?

l don't know. You're the oldest.

First in, first out.

Well, then, we've got to get them together before l totally disappear.

Jackson, relax. They're only a few feet away.

Could l get some coffee, please?

Here it comes.

Sure thing, sugar.

And there it goes.

l am out of here in like 20 minutes, and then we can totally hit that party.

Awesome!

How are they going to fall in love? They won't even look at each other.

Jackson, that's it!

Any time Dad talks about meeting Mom,

he always says that they fell in love

the minute they looked into each other's eyes.

So all we've got to do is get them to slow down

and take the time to look at each other. Oh, boy!

What?

ls there a draught in here?

l was right.

There is no brain in there.

You are so lucky l'm watering their plants.

Oh, yeah. That's me. Mr Lucky.

Now, can we just get the nail polish remover and pray it works?

l really don't want to face the guy at the hardware store

who told me to be careful with the monster glue.

Okay, nail polish remover is in Miley's bathroom.

-Why do you get to be in the front? -'Cause l'm a girl,

and you, me and the guy at the hardware store

agree that you're an idiot.

-Okay, careful on the stairs. -Okay. All right.

Steady. Steady.

What, you're not gonna say ''bless you''?

-l'm not feeling it. -Okay.

So, l would like eggs, a glass of orange juice,

you to look lovingly into that man's eyes

and a side of bacon.

Listen, kid, l am 20 minutes away from a radical party,

so don't harsh my mood with your 'tude.

Now, where's your momma?

Closer than you think.

Hey, dude. Love the mullet.

Hey, dude. Go away.

Did you check out that waitress?

She's a babe! And l'm pretty sure she's single!

Listen, kid, l'm kind of working here.

''Don't break my heart, my itchy twitchy heart.''

No. ''My herky jerky heart.''

You might want to try ''achy breaky''.

And you might want to try shopping at a men's store.

Achy breaky? That's the dumbest thing l've ever heard.

Let's get a woman's opinion. Hey, Mom...

...ma mia! Mamma mia, she's a cute girl.

Oh, waitress!

Cool your jets. l'm coming.

Where are you going, Dad...

...dio? Daddy-O.

Anywhere that you aren't.

But she's here! Sweet niblets.

Sweet niblets it is.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.

What happened?

My butt's gone.

Here. Get up.

Just get them together. Hurry!

Fine.

Well, here are your eggs. Scrambled. Kind of like you.

This seat's too hard.

Too soft.

Too high.

Too low.

-Too lumpy. -Too bad.

Now, park it, froggy.l don't have time for this. l work off tips.

Great, then l've got one for you.

How about this guy?

Business in the front, party in the back! You got to love that!

Didn't your daddy ever tell you not to talk to strangers?

-Not yet! -Well, he should.

First, scarf boy, now you.

l've had about enough of this. l wish you both would just disappear.

Honey, we're getting there.

Achy breaky heart.

No.

Now, you eat your eggs, and don't you even think about skipping out.

l've got my eyes on you.

Speaking of eyes, why don't we go look at mullet man's?

l bet they're gorgeous.

Come on, it'll be fun!

l'm game. How's my hair?

Sweet niblets.

Heck, those are popular today.

Hey, Mel, crack open another can of niblets!

Come on, Jackson, we've gotta get them back together.

You're usually good at this.

Sorry, but l'm only half the man l used to be.

Make that a quarter. An eighth. A sixteenth.

-Jackson? -Bye.

Jackson?

l'll miss you, little buddy.

Somebody call for a tow truck?

lt's about time.

No, wait, don't go!

What?

Well, Loretta, that was my last customer. Toodles.

No! Stop!

What in the world?

Somebody help me!

Not you!

Are you okay, sweet pea?

-You know, she does look a little pale. -l'll go call a doctor.

No, stop! You can't leave me.

l guess l was just moving so fast

l forgot to see what was right in front of me.

-What? -What?

Right in front of me.

Right in front of me!

My, oh, my, she was right about your eyes.

ls that a Tennessee accent l hear?

Sure enough.

Finally.

Miley. Miley, are you okay?

Jackson! You're okay.

Me? You're the one who almost just got hit by lightning.

Really?

Wow.

Look, l'm going to get Dad. Let's get out of here.

Wait, wait, wait. What's your hurry?

l want to hear that story Daddy was going to tell us.

l have a feeling it's a good one.

l looked into her eyes, heard that cute Tennessee accent,

and l knew right then she was the one.

-Daddy. -Yeah.

We sat in this very booth right here and talked all night.

You know how l knew she loved me?

-She laughed at all your jokes? -Every one.

Then again, maybe she was just laughing at my mullet.

Did l mention l hate you?

Thirty-seven times.

lf l miss that Maroon 5 concert, l swear...

You're not gonna miss it.

Miley said she'd be back. She'll probably be home any minute.

We're not here. Leave a message.

Lilly, are you there watering the plants?

l tried your cell phone a bunch of times.

Hey, l'm sorry, but l'm not gonna make the concert.

We decided to make a few stops along the way.

l got a picture of the world's largest rubber band ball.

That sucker is huge!

Have a great time at the concert. Bye.

l hate you.

Thirty-eight.