Original subtitles

We have got some serious work to do, my friend.

Yo, Jackson, get out of the shower!

You're using up all the water!

Too bad! You snooze, you lose!

Who's the loser now?

Okay, sister, it's on!

Oh, yeah, and so is this.

And this is on.

Oh, yeah.

Cold, cold, cold!

Good, good, and...

Not so good.

This is all your fault.

How am l supposed to rinse and repeat?

Here's your rinse.

Do you want to repeat?

Good news. l got the girl's bathroom working,

and the boy's bathroom should be done in about three weeks.

Three weeks? That's not good news.

lt is for me. Now l can finally get that tummy tuck,

and just in time for swimsuit season.

- Chicks'll be digging that. - Yes, they will.

Three weeks? What am l supposed to do about this?

Look for a carnival.

You're finally tall enough to ride the bumper cars.

''Ring!'' Hello?

lt's the Bride of Frankenstein. She wants her hair back.

That's it. l've heard about enough.

- But it's her fault. - lt's his fault.

lt's both of your fault.

That's the reason why,

from now on, until the bathroom gets fixed,

you're both gonna be sharing Miley's.

Daddy say what?

This is so unfair. She started it.

You know what? We can get her a cat box,

put it out on the deck, everybody wins!

Son, l want you to go sit on the couch,

think about what you're gonna say next, and then don't say it.

- But... - Think. Now go.

Why can't he just share yours?

Because, honey, that would deny you two

the wonderful opportunity to learn how to work together.

Besides, let's face it, the boy's a pig.

come on!

My eyes!

What have you done to my bathroom?

Just a little reorganisation. My shaving stuff?

ln this fancy new holder.

You're using one of my bras?

Actually, l'm using two of your bras.

The other one's holding my hair stuff. Check it out.

That cat box is looking better and better.

- Are those my good tweezers? - Yeah, and they work great.

No!

l finally got you, Stan!

Stan?

You name your nose hairs?

Just the really tough ones.

Daddy!

Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! lt burns!

lt burns! Get it off! lt burns! lt burns!

Daddy!

Gross!

- Stop it. Jackson, l have to spit. - Me, too.

Oops.

Daddy!

Jackson, may l please bother you for a comb?

Of course,

and it's no bother at all, sister dear.

Thank you.

That's more like it. Now, you guys keep it up.

l gotta go apply my sculpting gel before l go all frizzy.

Get out of the way. You're blocking the mirror.

lt's my mirror, and l'll block it if l want to.

Stop it.

Sweet niblets! Family meeting now!

- This is all your fault! - This is all your fault!

No.

Look at this.

lt's a crime. What am l supposed to do about this?

l'm thinking it's a hat day.

l'm thinking you don't want to know what l'm thinking.

l'm thinking you're right.

Now let me tell you two a story about my days in the band.

Here we go. We know, Dad.

You had a backup singer named Celine Dionowitz.

You told her to shorten her last name.

- And the rest... - ...is history.

That is a true story.

But are we talking about that right now?

No. We're talking about the fact that you two can't learn to get along.

She spit on my neck.

l almost wiped my face with his underwear.

Daddy, l'm gonna live with that for the rest of my life.

Hush up. Now, listen.

Me and the band lived on that bus for a year.

Five guys, one bathroom,

and somebody always ate a little too much barbecue.

- But you know how we fixed it? - You opened all the windows?

Yes, as a matter of fact, we did,

but we also learned to get along

by seeing life through the other person's eyes.

And that's exactly what you two are gonna do.

Oh, no, here comes Dr Phillbilly.

Now, Miley, l want you to pretend to be Jackson.

And, Jackson, you pretend to be Miley.

Sure, give him the good part.

Gee, l only hope that l can do it justice.

Hi, l'm Miley. Now l'm Hannah. Now l'm Miley.

l'm a real girl. l'm a pop star.

Everybody makes mistakes Everybody has those days

Except for me because l'm perfect!

Your turn.

My pleasure.

Girls, cars, nose hairs.

Good day! l said good day, Daddy!

Now, l don't know about you, but l feel much, much better.

All right, that's it.

lt's time for Dr Phillbilly to kick it up a notch.

Now, the year that Uncle Earl bought Aunt Pearl

a mulch maker for valentine's Day,

they had to go to a marriage counsellor.

And he dressed them up like Oompa-Loompas?

He said they needed a safe way to work out their anger

so they could finally sit down and talk with each other.

Dad, l thought you said that violence is never the answer.

lt's not. But if this little exercise helps you all get to a safe place

of genuine love and communication, then whack away.

- l'm not hitting a girl. - Good, then this should be fun.

Come on.

Okay. Now you've done it. l am so gonna...

Come on, butterball. ls that the best you can...

Okay, you guys ready to really sit down and talk now?

- l guess not. - Get off me, blubber butt!

ln your dreams, Hannah Fatannah!

Move it.

- l was here first. - Well, l was born first.

Don't you mean ''hatched''?

You two are hopeless.

lf you're gonna act like kids,

then l'm gonna treat you like kids. You're both grounded.

What?

Daddy, l have Beyoncé's big party tonight,

and she told me that Chris Brown totally wants to meet Hannah.

Well, Chris is just ''totally'' gonna have to wait.

Come on, Daddy. l mean, can't you just ground Miley?

l mean, Hannah didn't do anything!

Here it comes, ''l'm Miley. l'm Hannah. l'm Miley.''

Shut up.

You know what? You're not the only one who has a life.

Dad, l'm taking Siena to Panic at the Disco.

Siena Grace? She's a cutie.

l know.

Well, too bad.

Nobody's going anywhere except me,

to go upstairs and take a hot bath

and try to remember the good old days before you two could talk.

Way to go, Jackson. Now l'm never gonna meet...

Why are you smiling? We just got grounded.

True. But l just thought of a way to un-ground us.

Now, follow me.

l'm getting real tired of this.

l heard all the quiet and l got nervous.

Everything okay in here?

Y'all keep this up and the grounding'll be over

before you know it.

This is never gonna work!

Maybe not. But on the bright side, my pores are all tingly.

Jackson, you're a genius and my hero.

Until we get back home. Then l hate you again.

Right back at you. Now, careful with the makeup.

l promised Thor we wouldn't mess up his truck.

Oh, yeah. l'd hate to get blush on his half-eaten hoagie.

Just stop complaining.

You know that we couldn't take my car without tipping off Dad,

and l call dibs.

Oh, yeah, that Siena Grace is one lucky girl.

Jackson, are you sure we're going the right way?

l think we missed our turn.

There's no turn. l would've seen a turn.

How can you see anything with this fog? Face it, we're lost.

We are not lost. We're just not there yet.

- Stop nagging me, woman. - l'm not nagging you. Deer!

- Whatever you say, honey. - No, deer!

Whoa!

Nice going, Ricky Bobby. You could've driven us off a cliff.

But l didn't

because l have lightning reflexes and l am cool in the crunch.

- Daddy! - Daddy!

Don't come in, Daddy. Y'all.

l'm sicker than a possum in a possum hospital.

Y'all.

Relax. lt's me.

And by the way, if Mr Stewart comes up,

don't talk.

What are you doing?

We're supposed to stay in our rooms until they get back.

l know, but listen.

Wow, their plumbing really is messed up.

That's my stomach. l'm starving.

Well, too bad. lf we go downstairs, we might run into Mr...

Hey, Mile?

- What do we do? - Hide!

Not here! Get out.

Dinner's on the table.

You all right, darling?

Hey, l know you're upset about not getting to go to that party,

but you still gotta eat.

So, l grilled up your favourites, Robby Ray's hot ee-doggies.

Not hungry.

Really? You sure do sound hungry.

You want me to bring you up a snack?

Hey, darling, there ain't no sense laying up here being sad.

Remember what used to make you happy when you was a little girl?

camptown ladies sing this song

Come on, darling, you got to ''doo-dah'' with your daddy.

Alone now. Girl stuff.

Y'all.

Okay. Well, if you get to feeling better,

come on downstairs.

Really, honey, there'll be other parties.

That's it.

Next time he comes up, you're under the bed.

- Honk for help. Honk for help. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. l know.

l would have thought of that.

Great, looks like the only help we're gonna be getting

is from a lonely bull.

- How far down is it? - How should l know?

Well, look out the window.

Not like that.

Well, l'm sorry l didn't bring my extendo-neck.

Okay. Okay, look.

This is all about weight distribution.

lf we crawl out the back, then the truck can't tip.

Okay. l'll go first.

l should go first because l'm heavier.

Yeah, but l'm faster,

which means l can get to my party quicker,

and then, you know, come back and... With help for you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

l cannot believe how selfish you're being.

l'm not being selfish. l'm thinking of my millions of fans.

- They'd be crushed if l died. - Hey, people would miss me, too.

Oh, please. Your teachers would throw a party,

Thor would be too upset about his truck,

and, trust me, l can get Daddy through it.

Whoa!

- Flip a coin? - Good idea.

Heads.

- Two out of three? - Sure, why not?

That's right. 'Cause it'd be stupid!

Uh-oh.

- What? - My belt's caught.

Look, just... Just try to grab something

and pull yourself through.

l can't. There's nothing but this rubber fish.

Oh, no. Not rubber.

Okay. Look, l'm just gonna come around, and l'm gonna pull you out.

- What? No! - Don't worry.

The weight of your big head will keep us balanced.

Okay, l'll distract him. You get the food.

- Right. - But only mustard on my ee-doggie.

The regular kind, not the fancy kind.

- Got it. - Okay.

But not too much. l don't wanna overpower the dog.

Unless there's relish. That changes everything.

Would you just go.

Fine. Okay, l'm going.

Well, Lilly. This is a surprise.

- You know Miley's grounded. - l know. l'm here to see you.

- Really? - Yeah.

lt turns out my Uncle Will is a big Robby Ray fan,

and l was wondering if l could get your autograph for him.

Sure. Come on in. Let me just grab a pen.

Slow down there, cowboy.

l'm way ahead of you.

l brought Uncle Will's special autograph book.

There's nothing in it.

That's because you're his first. How special is that?

Well, come on in while l sign it.

Uh.

But it's such a beautiful night. Perfect

autograph weather.

Let's not spoil it.

All right. Should l make it out to Will or Uncle Will?

Actually, Uncle Willhelm von Kieran

Garden State.

Not so much!

...pressure on the pen.

Wouldn't want to poke a hole

in Uncle Willhelm von Kieran Garden State's special pad.

Here you go, Lilly.

Why don't you read it and make sure it's okay?

Okay. ''Dear Lilly and Oliver...'' Oh, boy.

Keep going. lt gets better.

''How dumb do y'all think l am?

''Love, Robby Ray.''

l like the ''love'' part.

Hey, Oliver.

Mm-hmm.

What's the matter, son? Ee-doggie's got your tongue?

Mm-hmm.

l'm out. l'm free!

Jackson.

Dang it.

Okay.

- What's wrong? - Nothing.

Nothing, it's just a bird.

lt's not like it's gonna tip the truck.

lt's all good.

Okay, not so good.

Jackson, it's not working.

- Just jump. - No way. l am not leaving you here.

- Don't be stupid. - Don't argue with me!

Look, we're gonna be okay. We just have to work together.

- And fast. - Okay, l'll suck in, you pull.

- Okay. One, two, three, go. - One, two, three, go.

- Yes. We did it. - Now, let's get out of here.

- l didn't hear it crash. - lt must have caught on something.

Yeah, ground.

Nice cliff. What is that, like 2 feet?

Hey, 2 feet or 200 feet,

you still didn't leave me.

Yeah, l know.

- What was l thinking? - Shut up.

Well, now, l guess we should probably go look for some help.

- Yeah, let's go. The road's this way. - No, Miles, it's this way.

No, it's this way.

You know what?

- Whatever you say. - No, no, no. Whatever you say.

l think this is gonna be harder than we thought.

- No, it won't. - Yeah, it will.

All in all, last night turned out pretty well.

Everybody's safe, and l think you finally learned the benefits

of working together.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Sure.

Yeah, Dad, we learned our lesson.

camptown ladies sing this song

Doo-dah, doo-dah

camptown racetrack 5 miles long

All the doo-dah day

l do love being a ''doo-dah'' daddy.