Original subtitles

Well, there you have it, America. Tonight, we saw Ethan Williams sing his

heart out with Shakira

and win his own recording contract. Give him a hand.

Congratulations Ethan,

we'll see you after the show, which means

we have to say goodbye to these two adorable kids who really

have a fine career ahead of them as long as it doesn't involve

singing.

And I mean it, guys. Not even “Happy Birthday.”

Next week on Singing With The Stars, three new hopefuls get their shot at a

record deal and a chance to sing with this teen pop sensation. Who is she?

Me! Hannah Montana!

See you all next week,

and we'll really “pump up the party!”

I can't believe you're going to be the celebrity singer on Singing With.

The Stars. That makes Hannah Montana just about the coolest person ever!

Must be you.

Guys, bad news. Amber and Ashley's

annual “Cool List” is out again.

Well, that explains it.

How far down did they put us this year?

Keep going. Keep going.

Keep... Just skip to the last page.

Aw, we're tied for dead

last with Dandruff Danny.

Is someone actually talking to me?

Look away. Look away!

Okay, see you later.

Where are you going?

Look, I finally cracked the top one hundreds and-and there's no way I'm

talking to people from the last page. Stop begging.

I'll see you after dark.

That boy flip-flops more than a catfish in a moon bouncer.

Aw, hey, look everyone; it's a couple of last page losers in their native habitat.

Oh, so sad. Still eating. As if they had a reason to live.

Aw.

Okay, that's it. Listen. This list is as bogus

as the people who wrote it. Come on, everyone!

Let's show Amber and Ashley that they can't tell us who's

cool and who's not! Let's rip up these lists right now!

Uh, Miley?

I'm the only one doing it, aren't I?

I'm with you, sister!

How is he not below us?

So maybe some people care about the list,

but there are plenty of other decent people

strong enough to think for themselves,

and those are the people

I want for my friends anyways. Like Sarah.

Hey, Sarah.

Oh, uh, hi, guys.

Listen, Miley, I'm really sorry, but

I can't be your lab partner.

Um, today after school

I have to read to the blind, uh, serve punch at the

blood drive and hose out cages at the animal shelter.

Wait a minute, you read to the blind yesterday.

I, uh, took an extra shift.

Extra shift, my aunt Petunia!

You're just bailing on me

because I'm last on Amber

and Ashley's list, aren't you?

No, I'm not. Oh no, here comes Amber.

Sorry, I'm charitable, not stupid. Okay, bye.

Great, even Saint Sarah is freezing us out!

But, Amber, you have to come to my party! It'll be a total disaster without you.

Oh, that is so true.

But my mom let me audition for Singing.

With The Stars and if they have any taste, I'll be singing with.

Hannah Montana Saturday night.

Okay, well, I got to go to the bathroom.

I haven't looked at myself in, like, a half hour.

Okay, so maybe we can't get rid of that stupid list, but I can

make darn sure that Amber never gets to sing with Hannah Montana.

By day, I play

the part in every way.

Or, I can make darn sure she does.

You could do that?

Sometimes you got to fight fire with fire. Amber likes to make fun

of people, and I'm gonna make sure she knows what it feels like.

Oh boy! Once the world hears her sing, she'll

be at the bottom of her own stupid list.

Amber sounds like my pet pig, Luanne, after she birthed her first batch of piglets.

I can't believe it.

I know. She's horrible.

No, I can't believe you had a pet pig named Luanne!

We thought it was a Lou before the kids came.

Hey, Dontzig!

Could you tell your dog to keep his opinions to his self!

Oh, is Oscar bothering you, Stewart?

Yeah!

Good boy, Oscar!

Please make it stop.

Thank you. And about what I said in traffic this morning?

She cut me off.

Hey, Dad, I finally got that dog to stop barking. Just took

the big T-bone from the fridge and chucked it over the fence.

You mean the one that I dry rubbed, tenderized,

and marinated for forty-eight hours?

No...

the other one?

Jackson Rod Stewart!

I cook, I clean, I work my fingers to the bone, and what's my reward?

Hello, Stewarts.

Oscar just wanted to thank you for the T-bone.

Oh, and next time, he'd like a twice-baked potato on the side.

Oh, that's right, baby.

No sour cream, it gives him gas.

Sweet niblets, this is worse than the barking dog!

Hey. What's all this?

Hey. So, check it out. I took some of Hannah's

concert speakers and I stuck them over in Dontzig's

yard. Next time that little dog barks, he's going

to find out that my woofer's bigger than his.

You actually think this might work?

There's only one way to find out. Oh-Oh, look there he is.

Would you like to do the honors?

Don't mind if I do.

And that's how the big dog does it. - Oh, yeah.

Well, hey-hey, what's that little rat doing now? Hey! Get away from

those speakers! Put your leg down. Put your leg... Put your leg down!

Well,

it may be dark, but at least it's quiet.

Oh yeah, yeah. This is much better.

Ow! Oh! Ow! Ow. Uh, cramp! I,

I um, uh, must've worked out

too hard last night. Y'all-Y'all just go on without

me. I'm just gonna sit at this random table with these

random people until the pain subsides. I miss you guys!

Listen, Oliver...

Don't look at me when you talk!

So, have you heard from the producers yet? Are they

actually going to let Amber be on the show? Hey, how's it doing? Just resting a cramp.

If you're not going to look at us, we're not going to tell you.

Yeah, and it's really good.

Oliver! -Okay.

All right, not only is she going to be on the

show, guess who gets to give her the good news?

Okay, this is so worth it!

I know. I'm just waiting for the right mouthful of pasta salad.

Ooh, that's a good one! And send. Hide me!

Hello?

Hey, Amber, it's Hannah Montana.

Gross!

The producers asked me to call you to tell you that you are one of

the three lucky people performing with me on Singing With The Stars!

Anyhoo, they'll call you with the deets. I can't wait to meet you.

Thank you, thank you so much!

Oh, don't be silly, you deserve everything you're going to get. Bye.

Hey, everybody, I'm going to be singing with

Hannah Montana on Singing With The Stars!

Okay, who wants to hear the song I'm going to sing on the show?

I think we all do!

I know I do!

Well, if you insist. I mean...

By day, I play the part in every way

of simple, sweet, calm, and collected.

But she...

Her voice...

You said...

I know.

But now...

Then who did you guys hear in the bathroom?

The other side

the other side

the other side of me

I thought we had an agreement. No singing. Snaps and claps only.

Okay, let's just calm down. Let's try to find the bright side in this.

I got nothing. -Me neither.

Sweet niblets.

That's great, Hannah. And after that you're going to hug, uh, Amber Addison. Brian

will say something he thinks is funny.

Try to laugh; it'll be over before you know it.

Don't worry, I'm used to it. My dad gets all his jokes from bubble gum wrappers.

Yeah, well that would be a step up for Brian.

Look, this must be where the losers stand. There's

puddle stains from all the drippy nervous sweat.

Lola! Would you please focus! Amber's got a real shot at winning

this. And if she does, that list will be the least of our problems.

We've got to do something.

You think?

Whoa! That is so cool. What is it?

The beginning of the end. We enter through the smoke,

Amber sings great then you and I are on the bottom of

the “Cool List” until we're seniors. And I'm talking

blue-haired, bingo-playing, mitten-knitting seniors.

Maybe and maybe not.

What are you up to?

Remember my exploding volcano disaster at last year's science fair?

Mt. Saint Lilly? People were blowing lava out of their nose for a week.

Well, if I could do that by accident, imagine

what I could do to Amber on purpose.

I'm imagining…

ooh, and I'm liking.

What the?

Hey, Dad. Say hello to Rocky.

Hey, Rocky, you big,

drippy horse you. What are you doing in my Malibu dog house?

I borrowed him from a friend. And then I invited Dontzig and his little yapper over

to play. Wait until the little yapper finds out that he's playing lunch. Yes he is.

Son, I don't like that yapping little purse puppy anymore

than you do. But I don't want to see him swallowed whole.

Don't worry, Dad. I've got his leash tied to my wrist. Rocky's not going anywhere.

Well, as long you're sure it's just gonna scare him, I guess it's worth a shot.

Oscar, no!

Oh, is little Oscar scared?

Not exactly.

Very thoughtful, Stewart. Osky needed a little exercise.

Yeah, well, so do you.

So do you.

So do you.

So do you.

So do you.

So do you!

Hey, Rocky. Heel, heel, heel, heel. Whoa, Rocky. Heel. Whoa, boy.

Go ahead, primp all you want, Little Miss Cool List. You're about

to have a makeup malfunction people will be downloading forever.

She won't get hurt or anything, right?

Just her pride...

nationwide. Nowhere to hide. Humilified. Sad inside.

Are you done?

Just remember, you go through the red and she

goes through the green because she's mean,

like an evil queen... Now I'm done.

How do I look?

Like a star. I can't believe you're about to sing in front of thirty million

people. And that's just America. There's Canada and Europe and the Soviet Reunion.

Okay, that is so stupid. The Soviet Reunion is in Europe.

You know I'm not good in geology.

I'm sorry, Ashley. I'm just nervous.

Well, don't be. Forget about the fact that it's live.

Forget that if you screw up,

everyone in the whole world will be laughing

at you. Just put that out of your head.

It wasn't in my head. Until now.

Oops. My bad. Have a good show.

Hey Amber! You all ready for your big number?

Hannah, I can't do this. I can't go out there.

Hey. Hey. Everything is going to be fine as long as

you go through the green arch.

I repeat, green arch.

Oh, no, no, no, I'm gonna screw up. I know I'm gonna screw up.

Listen; sometimes I have these worries, too.

But you know what two words always get me through it?

Green arch. See you out there.

Hey, come on. Get into position.

It's going to be a blast.

You don't understand. I can't be made fun of again.

Again?

When has anyone ever made fun of you?

Well, I know it's hard to believe looking at how beautiful I am now…

but when I was a

kid, I was the geeky girl with glasses.

The one that everyone teased all the time.

Really? How geeky? You wouldn't happen to have any pictures, would you?

You know, because then I could-I-I could feel your pain.

No, I burned them all. And I'm always afraid it's going to happen again.

So you make fun of people now because of what

people did to you when you were a geeky little kid?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Well you shouldn't do that. Don't you get it? When you

fight fire with fire...

all you get is a bigger fire.

I know, and now I'm gonna flame out in front

of America, Asia, and the Soviet Reunion.

You mean, Russia?

Oh man, we're on there, too?

Okay, listen,

if I can promise you that you're going to go out looking great, can

you promise me that you're going to be a better person?

And then buy a globe?

Yeah, but could you really make that happen?

I can guarantee that you're going to come out looking a whole lot better than me.

Places!

Oh no.

Hey, you're going to do fine. Just...

just enter through the red arch.

But you said green.

And now I'm saying red. Just do it before I change my mind.

Hey, remember: better person.

And then a globe.

Sweet niblets.

And now our final contestant from Malibu, California, give it up for Amber Addison!

I may have a used a little too much green!

You think?

I've been thinking about it and you know what?

I don't care what anybody else says, you're

my real friends and I'm sitting with you.

Hey, how's it going? I just dropped a taquito.

Careful, green bean, you're showing.

That's because somebody didn't make this gunk so easy to get off!

Don't blame me, blame science.

What are you gonna do now? Not only did Amber

win, she's gonna get a recording contract.

All because you had to be a good person. I hate when you do that!

Guys, don't worry about it, it's all going to be worth it. Trust me.

Ashley.

Fine. Snaps and claps only.

Anyway.

As you all know, last night I was the big winner.

But before that

happened, I made a promise to myself and to my new best friend, Hannah Montana.

Still worth it?

Wait for it.

So I'm doing something really drastic to the List.

Wait for it.

Dandruff Danny, you and your flakes are ahead of those flakes.

I'm not at the bottom!

In your face! Yeah!

Still waiting.

Okay.

Not exactly what I was hoping for, but

at least she was being nice to somebody.

That's it?

You're not even going to try to get her back?

Come on, it's just a stupid list. Besides, I learned my

lesson. When you fight fire with fire, you just get burned.

I wish you would have told me that before.

Before what?

Well, I kind of arranged a little surprise for Amber.

Ew! Who did this?

Come on, y'all, it's not funny.

Although, I must say, I do love her in green.

Finally got that dang dog to hush up, didn't you? Thank you, son.

You're welcome.

Next time, trim the fat. We've got our figures to worry about, don't

we, Osky baby?

Come on, Oscar wants another piece. Cut faster!