Original subtitles

Those are your nominees for Best On-Screen Kiss.

And the Teenie Award goes to…

"You know, if we'd been able to finish our kiss

on "Zombie High," we might've won this thing."

Your turn.

Oh, right.

“Oh, Jake, I bet you say that to all your

co-stars. Push Jake.”

I mean… “And the Teenie…

And the Teenie for Best Teen Kiss goes to…

"Frankie Muniz and his pillow in “The Lonely Sophomore."

Good job, Frankie.

"Unfortunately, Frankie's doing a movie in Romania."

"And the pillow has a hot date with a bunk bed. Hold for laughter."

I did it again.

We'll be accepting this on Frankie's behalf.

Thank you. Oh and next year I promise I'll do better. Toodles.

Man! Darn it!

Come on. People love it when we mess up. Besides, I think you did great.

Thanks. Hold for applause.

It was great to see you again, Hannah. Can't wait to get you back on

the show to finish that kiss. I'll have my people call your people.

Great. My people will be waiting.

That would be me. I'm Lola, her most important people.

Which is why I may look familiar, but we've never met.

Not even in school or anything. Because

I'm homeschooled... in Canada..

Where the moose are.

Okay.

Nice to meet you too. Bye.

Bye, Jake.

“Where the moose are? In Canada? Where I'm homeschooled.”

Lola, way to keep your cover.

Oh, who cares? Hey, you know what? I heard he broke up with

that girl at school. That means the zombie slayer's available.

I know. I can't wait to go to school on Monday.

Maybe Jake and I can finally get together.

Or not.

Sorry.

No, I'm fine with it.

I'm cool.

I'm really, really fine.

Oopsies.

Frankie won't be when he finds out you tore off his Teenie's tiny head.

Sorry, Teenie.

It's okay.

Okay, you got enough shots.

Can we have a little privacy now?

Thanks.

Wow.

First the Teenie, now this.

You got it bad.

I know.

And what's worse is Jake liked you first,

and you turned him down.

Otherwise that could have been you over

there giving Jake little popcorn kissies.

Oh, Lilly, you got a bit of ice cream on your face.

Where?

Right... there.

Thanks.

Hey, need a napkin?

No thanks, I'm good.

Speak for yourself.

But you know

a girl can never have too many napkins.

Thanks. I'm Miley.

I'm Willis.

You are so funny, so funny. Here, take a seat. You come here often?

No. I just moved from Seattle.

Seattle.

There is no stopping you now, is there?

I don't get it either.

So, uh, where are you going to school?

Eastwood Prep. But I'm graduating.

You're a senior? Because we're just...

Starving! Why don't I go get us all some pretzels? Wait here, Walter.

It's “Willis.”

Still so funny, You just keep on killing me!

Make sure he doesn't go anywhere.

What are you doing? You can't flirt with a senior? He's old enough to...

To make Jake jealous? So he'll realize I'm the girl he really wants?

Ooh, diabolical. Or should I say guy-abolical?

You shouldn't say anything.

Oh, hi, Jake. I didn't notice you here on the beach.

Oh, hey, Miley. I didn't notice you here on the beach either.

This is Holly. She's an actress.

Oh yeah. I saw you in that commercial. You know the one where you had to have

that really uncomfortable talk with your mom.

I hope everything worked out.

That wasn't really my mom, okay?

Well, as long as the toe fungus is gone.

So, who's your friend?

Oh, that's Willis. He's from Seattle. You know, uh,

the Coffee Capital of America. He drinks it... black.

Holly drinks espresso.

Willis shaves.

Holly waxes.

Willis is a senior.

Wow.

Toodles.

Hey, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go to this bowling party with me.

Sure, of course I'll go to the bowling party

with you. With all of your senior classmates.

Oh, Holly. Open up.

Oh, Willis. Are you hungry?

Why did Miley just shove a pretzel in that guy's mouth?

I think it's supposed to look romantic.

Okay, Dad, at the parent/teacher conference, you

may hear a little something about a belching

contest. I just want you to know that it never happened.

And I was not the champion.

I can't approve of that kind of behavior.

But I guess better out the attic than out the basement.

Thanks, Dad, but don't try that kind of humor with Ms. Kunkle.

She doesn't have a funny bone in her body.

I bet I'll get a giggle out of her. I know she hasn't heard this one: Knock-knock.

No, no, no, Dad! No-No-No "knock-knock" jokes, all right? No jokes at

all! If you even think something funny I'm going to get detention!

Stop exaggerating. No one who dedicates themselves

to a life of educating kids could be that mean.

Oh, yeah?

Stewart, last night your father tried to tell me a knock-knock joke.

No. I-I swear, I-I told him not to.

Are you blinking?

There is no blinking in my class!

I'm not blinking!

Oh, no!

That's it!

I couldn't do anything to your father. But you...

Solitary for a week!

Not the cage!

Oh yes, the cage.

But I'm so young. Please. No!

Dad-Dad, please, just-just-just get in, and-and then get out. All right?

Just save all that-that wonderful charm for the checkout lady at the market.

That reminds me, I can use some of my funny food puns to

break the ice with her.

It's "grape" to meet you, ma'am.

"Lettuce" sit and talk. Whoo, doggies, I'm on fire.

I'm doomed.

You can't go out with this guy. You start bowling with a senior, the

next thing you know you're go-carting with a college guy! It's madness!

Hey, who sprinkled "drama queen" in your oatmeal this morning?

Relax you guys. I was never really going to go out

with Willis. I just said it to make Jake jealous.

So how are you going to get out of the bowling party?

I'll just call Willis and tell him the truth. That I

totally forgot I'm allergic to rental shoes. Perfect.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Jake. -Dude.

So I guess I'll, uh, see you at the bowling alley tonight.

Yeah, that sounds... What?

Well I just thought that Holly and I would have a great

time bowling, too. So we'll probably bump into you there.

I'm sure you would, but, uh, I'm not sure if I'm still gonna...

Oh, did your senior boyfriend already break up with you?

No! I'm just not sure I

if... I'm wearing my red top or my green, just in case you're looking for me.

Thanks for being so thoughtful.

My pleasure.

See you there.

Yes, you will.

Don't worry. I've got him right where I want him.

Which is where?

I have no idea.

Dad, the weirdest thing happened at school today.

I think Ms. Kunkle actually... smiled.

Is that so?

Yeah, some people thought it was a trick of the light, and I had my money

on a gas bubble.

Did she seem okay when you talked to her last night?

Karen?

Yeah, she seemed fine. And later at coffee...

Whoa-Whoa! You and Kunkle had coffee. You're kidding?

And an apple crumbly.

I can't believe it. You went all fruit funny and now Miss Kunkle is... smiling.

Really?

I didn't do anything but talk with her.

And I was having a pretty good hair day.

Wait a minute. If after a half hour with you and your hair she's

smiling, imagine what she'd be like after a real date with you.

Now, class, the best way to learn about the wave particle theory of physics is...

to catch some gnarly waves!

Come on, Kunkle-cakes! Surf's up, baby!

Coming, hunky-monkey!

Does this mean I get an "A"?

This means everybody gets an "A"! Cowabunga!

Jackson, Jackson, Jackson!

Jackson. Jackson!

Jackson!

Jackson!

Huh? Oh, sorry, Dad. Uh, so when are you gonna see her again?

We never talked about it.

Well, get on it, Romeo! It's time to runkle with the Karen Kunkle please.

But, Jackson, don't' you dare... Uh, hello, Karen, uh, yeah this is Robby Stewart.

Work it, Dad, work it.

I got a bad feeling about this.

Come on, we'll just stay long enough for Jake to see me

with Willis and then we'll be out of here. No problem.

I don't see Willis.

Just look for a bunch of cool older guys.

Hey, Miley! Hi!

Hey, Willis, who's this?

My best friend, Mike. This is that girl I was telling you about. What do you think?

Hubba-hubba.

Best friend? How old is he?

I know, I know. He looks ten, but he's really twelve.

Uh, isn't it weird hanging out with guys so much younger than you?

Well...

truth is, Mike's older than me.

How old are you?

Eleven.

And three-quarters.

You're eleven?

And-And three-quarters.

Wha'choo talkin' 'bout, Willis?

How can you be eleven?

And three-quarters.

Not helping!

And take that giraffe off your head.

It's a dragon.

Who cares? It's a balloon hat.

Look on the bright side, she can baby-sit him for extra money.

You said you were graduating!

I am.

Elementary school!

Sorry.

I thought it'd be cool to be at the party with... you know, an older babe.

I can't believe you used me!

You mean, just like you used him?

Ok, fine. I used him. It was wrong, I learned

my lesson and I'll never do it again.

Jake alert.

Right after this. Quick, put your arm around me.

Wow. I'm touching shoulder.

Willis, come on they're cutting the cake! It's shaped like a castle!

In a minute.

Well, you better hurry up if you want any of the pudding moat.

Pudding moat?

Remember when you used to like cake more than girls?

Yeah. Kids.

Oh, just go get some.

Maybe just a taste.

All right, Lilly, quick. Let's get out of here before J...

Hey, Lilly. Miley?

Hello.

Isn't that your senior boyfriend over there?

No, that kid just looks like him.

I am King Willis!

And has the same name.

Hi, Miley.

And knows me.

Dad, what are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing? Thanks to you, I'm cooking Chicken a la Kunkle.

At least take off the apron.

You can't have a woman over for a date looking like

you just got off the late shift at the Waffle Wagon.

It's not a date, son. It's two adults having dinner

because one adult's son hoodwinked him into it.

All right. Whatever you say.

Just walk through that.

I don't think so.

Dad.

Get that skunk water away from my chicken! What's wrong with you?

Would you just work with me a little bit here, Dad?

Now tilt your nose up, it's time to trim the jungle.

Keep that Weedwhacker away from me!

Oh, man, she's here. At least joushe.

I wouldn't do that even if I knew what it meant.

Hello, Jackson.

Ms. Kunkle, come on in.

Karen. "Orange" you a sight for sore eyes?

Oh, Robby, you are so "punny!"

Smells incredible.

And it tastes even better.

Mm. Mm. Wonderful.

But I think it could use just a dash of tarragon.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. We got a, uh, pretty delicate balance of spices here.

Wouldn't want to throw it out of whack, but thanks for the thought.

Well, I'm just talking about a dash. I'm a pretty fair cook myself, you know.

That may be, but this recipe's been in the family for generations.

Well, that doesn't mean it can't be improved.

Uh,

it was good enough to take second place for.

Recipe of the Year at the Tennessee State Fair.

Well, maybe if it had a dash of tarragon, it would've won.

Hey, now, hey. Let's not forget about the apple crumbly. Good times, good times.

Well, I remember the apple because someone else ate all of the crumbly.

And it was delicious because it didn't have any tarragon in it.

Hey, hey, who wants to get a pizza? They actually put cheese in the crust now. Mm.

You know, everybody's entitled to their opinion.

But in this case, yours is wronger than a monkey driving a lawn mower!

Well, my opinion couldn't be any wronger than your grammar, cowboy!

Oh, pshaw, what's a dash of tarragon between friends?

Okay, that's it.

The next one that says "tarragon" is gonna be gone.

Tarragon.

Tarragon.

Tarra... I am so gone!

Dad, what about my "A?"

Oh, now I see what you're up to. Son, I'm sorry,

but if you want good grades, you're gonna have to earn them.

What kind of a father are you?

Wait a minute, I

can save this! Ms. Kunkle! Ms. Kunkle, wait! Ms.

Kunkle, come back! You guys make such a great "pear!"

Turn around! I'm holding a pear! It's "punny!"

Oh, great. There's Jake's.

You're going to have to face him sooner or later.

I choose later.

All right, fine. But I can hear him already. "Hey, Miley."

What are you and Willis doing tomorrow night? Hot date on the teeter-totter?"

Looks like he wanted to try it out on them first.

I guess I do deserve this. I did use Willis.

Boy, did you ever. It was like you had a love cold and he was the tissue.

"Willis, can I borrow you for a second?"

"Goodbye, Willis."

I already admitted I was wrong.

You don't have to blow my nose in it.

This is such a disaster.

Not totally. I bowled a two-eighty.

The bumpers were up.

You never let me have anything!

Hey, Miley. Oh, we just heard...

I know. I know. I went on a date with an eleven year-old.

But in my defense, he could totally pass for sixteen... without the balloon hat.

Or the Ninja stickers.

Hey!

Uh, I was just gonna tell you this funny joke Jake told us.

But you going out with an eleven year-old is so much funnier.

Awkward.

I'm just gonna go see what that joke was.

Maybe Jake didn't tell anybody.

Why wouldn't he tell anybody? Any other boy would. I've got to find out.

All right, Jake. What's going on?

Why haven't you told anybody about me and balloon boy?

Why would I do that?

You seemed so miserable last night and I didn't want to make it any worse.

Really?

That's... kind of nice.

It's like I've been trying to tell you since the beginning.

I'm really not a bad guy.

Maybe not.

Plus,

I thought it was kind of cool that you went

to all that trouble just to make me jealous.

Whoa, slow down there, ego boy.

Why would I be trying to make you jealous? Besides, you have a girlfriend.

Holly? She's not my girlfriend.

We have a movie coming out so we've been hanging out as a publicity thing.

Why didn't you tell me that before?

Uh... Well, I-I think I, uh...

Wait a minute. I know why. Because you were trying to make me jealous.

Was not!

Was too. Admit it Jake, you like me!

No, you like me! Just say it!

No you say it!

No, you!

No, you!

I guess this means we're kind of together.

I guess it does.

So, do you want to go out sometime? Or do you want to ask me since you're the guy?

Well, I don't really know how to say it.

Come on, it's not that hard.

Well, okay. You want to go out with me four months from this Saturday?

Yeah that sounds... Huh?

Frankie Muniz was going to do this movie, and he dropped out.

I fly to Romania tonight.

Yeah, but you can't just leave. You kissed me.

Well, hey, it's not my fault I got a big part in a movie.

I know, but you kissed me!

I know and it was great.

And now I don't have to go off for four months

and wonder what it would have been like.

Yeah, it would have been awful for you to have left without planting one on me.

Exactly!

So, I guess it is four months.

So I'm gonna give you a little something extra to remember me by.

Whoa!

That's how I plant one.