Original subtitles

Hammer!

Hammer.

[ WHACK! ]

Screwdriver?

Screwdriver.

[ SQUEAKING NOISE ]

Monkey wrench!

Monkey wrench.

[ CHIMP NOISES ]

... ?

[ ADJUSTS, using MONKEY WRENCH ]

There.

That ought to do it.

One supercharged,

super defective, motorized skateboard at your disposal!

Gee, Uncle Fester.

Are you sure it's got all the glitches in?

There's only one way to find out.

Try her.

Oh, boy!

Did I hear someone say something about a supercharged, super defective, motorized skateboard?

Oh, boy!

[ STEPS ON ]

[ SPARKS LIGHT ]

... whoaaaaaa!

Clear the deck... !

[ GOMEZ SCREAMING, WHILE ON SKATEBOARD ]

Fester... !

Stop this crazy thing... !

[ SCREAMING, FLIES UP RAMP into NIGHT SKY ]

[ SCREAMING & FALLING ]

[ CRASHES to GROUND ]

[ ENGINE slides SKATEBOARD towards PUGSLEY ]

[ PUGSLEY PICKS UP SKATEBOARD ]

[ GOMEZ STUMBLING, GETS UP ]

... !

Your turn.

[ GOMEZ FAINTS ]

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ How you do, the Addams family? ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

♪ Wonderfully scary ♪

♪ And pleasantly hairy ♪

♪ Delightfully? Very. ♪

♪ It's the Addams family! ♪

*snap snap*

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

[ GOMEZ, GRUNTING in PAIN ] Oh... ! Oh... ! Oh... ! Oh... ! Oh... !

Oh look, I found your hand grenade under the couch?!

Really, where?

[ GOMEZ SNEAKILY FLIPS FESTER onto the FLOOR ]

Haiyaa!

Never let your guard down!

[ BODYSLAMS ELBOW into FESTER ]

You deliberately deceived me, Gomez.

Nice move.

[ GOMEZ GRUNTS in EXERTION ]

Darling!

We've got a letter from the city.

[ GOMEZ and FESTER GRAPPLING ]

They're putting a highway through our property.

Let's hope it's behind the house!

So we can hear it in the bedroom... ! S

Yes, I always sleep better with a little diesel in the air~

Wedneday and Pugsley'll be so glad!

Now they won't have to go so far to cause a four car collision!

[ FESTER and GOMEZ, STILL GRAPPLING ]

The city council has declared our property condemned~

... Ow!

[ GOMEZ FLINGS FESTER towards FIREPLACE ]

[ FESTER BANGS HEAD on MANTLE, FALLS TO FLOOR ]

It's about some time that someone recognized this house for the historical landmark it is!

[ FESTER gets to his FEET ]

Oh, my.

We're to be evicted.

[ FESTER RUSHES GOMEZ... BANGS HEAD on COLUMN ]

[ GRUNTS and FALLS ]

Are you sure they don't mean convicted?

[ FROM the FLOOR ] That must be for me.

[ GROANS, FAINTS ]

[ MORTICIA and GOMEZ share a GLANCE, SMILE ]

[ MORTICIA, STACKING CUPS & SAUCERS atop GOMEZ ]

One more place setting, and you'll break dear, old, Uncle Lobotomy's record.

Actually, it'll be a tie!

You're forgetting the plate in his head!

[ EXPLOSION! offscreen, GOMEZ DROPS CUPS and SAUCERS ]

[ HOUSE SHAKING ]

Fester, old man, did you have to set off that explosion, just now?

A little later, and I woulda broken more plates.

Sorry, Gomez.

But it wasn't me.

[ BOOM! ]

... ?

Are we expecting guests?

[ BOOM! ]

[ SCOFFS ] Amateurs.

[ FLIPS OPEN MAGAZINE ]

[ CONTRUCTION WORKERS, SETTING UP DYNAMITE... ]

The front porch is all set to blow.

Great.

Right on schedule.

[ FRONT DOOR OPENS ]

[ GOMEZ and MORTICIA WALK OUT ]

Wait a minute.

What are those people doing here?

Good afternoon.

I'm Gomez Addams.

This is my lovely wife Morticia.

And you are?

[ THEY SHAKE HANDS ]

I'm Tim Cushman, the city planner. I'm...

... overseeing the highway construction.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

I must say, we're very excited about the new highway.

Really?

Who wouldn't be?

The incessant roar of the 18 wheelers?

The toxic fumes?

The blade with angry drivers leaning on their horns.

Eh...

Didn't you get my, uh, my letter?

Of course.

We're very proud.

Would you like to see the house?

Please come inside. We'll give you the grand tour.

Well, okay.

[ SIGN ON DOOR: "CONDEMNED DO NOT ENTER" ]

So where exactly does the road pass?

Behind the house or in front?

We were hoping it would be near the garden,

so the fumes would suffocate those dreadful rose bushes.

Mrs Addams,

the road goes right through this room. [ GESTURES TO ROOM ]

Perfect.

How many lanes?

Uh.

Uh, four.

You're welcome to use the hallway for a carpool lane!

Or perhaps you could put an off-ramp through the den.

Mr. and Mrs. Addams,

your property has been expropriated by the city.

I mean, you'll be paid at a fair price.

Don't be silly.

We should be paying you. [ HANDS HIM a CIGAR ]

Mr. Addams,

we are going to destroy your house.

Our demolition crew is, is rigging it right now!

Demolition?

That sounds like fun.

Mama and I will pack a picnic lunch.

We'll make a day of it!

[ SPUTTERING ] Y - you just don't get it.

We are going to be blowing this, this... eyesore,

to smithereens, in the next 24 hours.

You have to vacate at once.

[ GOMEZ and MORTICIA SHARE a LOOK ]

[ PUGSLEY drags WEDNESDAY in a CART, WEDNESDAY WHIPS him like a HORSE ]

Where do you want the suitcases?

I'm sorry, I thought I told you to leave them upstairs.

Oh, right.

I guess I forgot.

[ SMACKS PUGSLEY with RIDING CROP ] Mush!

[ PUGSLEY whines like a DOG ]

I hope you find that packing spell, soon.

We're running out of boxes.

I know there's one in here somewhere...

Melting...

Milking...

Moo-ing...

Ah, here we are.

Moving!

Two emu wings...

[ FESTER hands her WINGS ]

A peacock beak...

[ FESTER hands her a GOBLET ]

A sprig... of mint.

Looks like you've run out.

Oh, drat!

[ FESTER reaches into POCKET ]

Will this do?

[ TAKES LINT from his POCKET ]

Mint.

Lint.

[ SHRUGS ] Close enough!

[ THROWS LINT into CAULDRON ]

[ FLASH of SMOKE! ]

[ BOX SHAKES ]

[ FESTER UNCOVERS EYES ]

[ STARE at BOX CONFUSEDLY ]

[ BOX SPEAKING in GRANNY'S VOICE ] Are we there, yet?

... !?

[ MOVING BOXES, labelled 'NOT FRAGILE', 'DEAD', 'EXPLOSIVE', etc. ]

[ FESTER looking at BOXES ]

Well, that's it.

All of my unearthly possessions,

packed away in twenty padded boxes.

Well,

I guess that's everything.

[ GOMEZ SETS BOX DOWN ]

Oh, darling.

To think, tomorrow morning, we'll be waking up in a rental house, overlooking...

[ GOMEZ SHUDDERS ] ... the golf course.

[ LURCH FROWNS ]

[ FESTER GROANS, FROWNS EVEN MORE ]

It's only temporary, querida!

I already have a real estate agent

looking into that nice, deserted mineshaft,

right by the railroad tracks.

[ MORTICIA SMILES ]

[ CHILDREN WALK IN ]

[ WEDNESDAY marching PUGSLEY in front of HER, his MOUTH is TAPED SHUT, and HANDS bound in ROPE ]

Children?

Have you finished packing yet?

Yes, Mother.

[ MUFFLED by TAPE ] Yes, Mother.

[ WEDNESDAY marches PUGSLEY down the STAIRS ]

[ GRANDMAMA, in a BOX ] They might as well get this over with.

And call the movers.

Wait.

In a minute.

Querida, one last stroll around the house?

Oh, Gomez.

That would bring up so many... painful memories.

Let's do it.

Oh, I'm gonna miss this decaying, old staircase.

[ WOOD STEP SPLINTERS, GOMEZ's foot SLIPS ]

Oh!

Ahhh, sprained it!

You just can't find rotted, splintering wood like this, in a brand-new house.

Oh, look, Gomez.

The very spot where our little Pugsley said his first word!

[ FLASHBACK SEQUENCE ]

Goo goo... gaah.

Goo goo...

Gahh...

Pugsley, I have a surprise for you...

Ope.

[ LITTLE WEDNESDAY hits DETONATOR BUTTON ]

[ PUGSLEY FALLS down SHAFT ] Ahhh.... !

Cara mia, shall we?

For old time's sake?

Mais oui, mon cher~

Tish! That's...

[ TISH hits BUTTON ]

[ COUPLE hits FLOOR ]

... French.

[ GOMEZ KISSES UP and DOWN her ARM ]

You know, Tish?

I think this is the spot where Fester made his first important discovery.

[ FLASHBACK SEQUENCE ]

I wonder what would happen if I mixed these together?

[ YOUNG FESTER MIXES CHEMICALS TOGETHER in SAME BEAKER ]

[ SMOKEY EXPLOSION! ]

[ LOOKS UP ] Sorry.

You can still make out some of the burn marks on the wall.

See there?

His shadow's been afraid of him ever since... !

[ MORTICIA SNIFFLES ]

Ohhh, there, there, querida!

[ PASSES her a HANDKERCHIEF ]

We may be leaving old memories behind,

[ DABS at her EYES ]

but think of all the fun we'll have making new ones~

Gomez~

[ GOMEZ holds up a BELT of GRENADES ]

This old house has been very good to us.

It's like one of the family.

I hate to interrupt your little romp down memory lane,

but we have some moving to do, remember?

I guess we should all just be grateful for all the bad times we've had here.

I know.

If only these old walls could talk.

Well, actually, I'm more of a singer!

♪ Home, home on the range~ ♪

♪ Where the deer and the antelope play~ ♪

Stop it!

Sorry.

[ RECORD SCRATCH NOISE ]

Well, they can demolish our home, but not our spirit.

Tish, we can't let them pick this house away from us!

We're Addamses!

[ LURCH GROANS in AGREEMENT ]

Everybody unpack!

We're not going anywhere!

[ WEDNESDAY rips TAPE off PUGSLEY's MOUTH ]

... Owww!

[ GRANNY, GRIPPING edge of BOX ] Will someone please unpack me??

Let them bring out their ammunition, their dynamite, their wrecking balls... !

As long as there's ice water flowing through our veins,

we shall not give up the fort!

Now you're talk -- !

Oh, Gomez.

I love it when you take an irrational stand,

against overwhelming odds, with no hope of success.

[ FAMILY NODS PROUDLY ]

So, we shall save our house!

Or fight to the death, trying!

Either way, we can't lose.

[ FAMILY NODDING and SMILING ]

[ FOGHORN DOOR BELL RINGS ]

It's so nice to have our home back.

I know.

How could we let a little thing like a court order,

convince us to leave?

[ LURCH escorts in the CITY PLANNER ]

Mr Cushman.

Ahhh, Mr Cushman!

What are you people still doing here?

We decided not to leave.

Although we do appreciate your trying to build a highway through our home.

Mr and Mrs Addams, you're in direct violation of the law.

Well,

we try.

This is not a joking matter.

The demolition crew will be moving in first thing tomorrow.

We're taking this house down,

whether you're in it,

or not.

[ COUPLE looks DELIGHTED ]

[ CUSHMAN WALKS OFF ]

How can we resist an invitation like that?

[ THUNDER CRASHES ]

Men?

[ GOMEZ MARCHING in MILITARY-esque OUTFIT ]

Women?

Thing.

Come the dawn, our family fortress will be under attack

by a government bent on seizing our land for its own.

[ PUGSLEY, PLAYING DRUMS ] [ FESTER, PLAYING the FLUTE ]

We'll be greatly outnumbered.

Our supplies are running low.

And I haven't the slightest ideal what I'm talking about!

[ STOP PLAYING MUSIC ]

[ GOMEZ pulls out SWORD ]

Awooooooooooooooo.... !

[ DRAGS tip of SWORD against CONCRETE, SQUEAKING NOISE lke NAILS on CHALKBOARD ]

That noise.

It's like talons, scraping across an enormous blackboard... !

I know.

Do it again.

[ FAMILY SQUIRMING as GOMEZ repeats SWORD DRAGGING, WOLF HOWLs in DISTANCE again ]

All those willing to defend our home to the bitter end,

and endure unbearable pain and suffering in the process,

step across this line.

[ THING goes OVER the LINE ]

[ FAMILY FOLLOW... ]

[ WEDNESDAY pulls PUGSLEY back ]

[ THEN LETS HIM FORWARD ]

Pugsley is willing to die, twice.

Hedonist.

Then it's settled.

As Great Uncle Winston Addams once said,

[ in ENGLISH ACCENT ] 'We shall defend our home no matter what the course.'

" We shall fight in the cemetery."

[ MORTICIA, in ENGLISH ACCENT ] "We shall fight in the den."

[ GRANDMAMA, in ENGLISH ACCENT ] "We shall fight, in the kitchen!"

[ HOLDS up a LADLE ]

"We... shall never... surrender!"

[ POPS CIGAR in MOUTH, SALUTES ]

[ REST of FAMILY do "BUNNY EARS" ]

[ CITY PLANNER, leading DEMO TEAM to HOUSE ]

Well!

This is the place.

[ GATES CLOSE OMINOUSLY ]

[ GASP! ]

Come on, men!

[ LADY WORKER COUGHS ] A-hem.

... And women.

We've got a highway to build.

[ FESTER with hand ready on TNT ]

I want to see this house,

reduced to rubble,

by the end of the day.

[ GRANDMAMA, with GIANT BUBBLING CAULDRON overhead ]

[ THING with tiny TREBUCHET ]

[ THING PREPARING ITSELF, on TREBUCHET ]

[ WEDNESDAY, with FLAMING CROSSBOW ]

Are you sure there's nobody in the house?

Don't be ridiculous.

They were warned three times to vacate the premises.

No one would be crazy enough to stay in there!

Well, what are you waiting for?

Detonate!

[ FESTER slams TNT lever ]

[ GIANT SMOKEY EXPLOSION ]

[ COUGHING ]

Sorry.

Thought you were talkin' to me.

[ CLOSES WINDOW ]

I don't believe this... !

Get to work!

I want this blasting to start exactly on schedule!

This city is getting its highway,

if it kills me!

As you win.

AHH!

[ SHOOTS FLAMING ARROW ]

[ CUSHMAN SCREAMING, with FIERY ARROW through his HARDHAT ]

[ WORKER BLOWS OUT FIRE ]

That's it!

I'm going to go in there, and drag them out, myself!

[ THING launches ITSELF, lands on WORKER's FACE ]

... Ugh!

[ GRANNY pours CAULDRON LIQUID out of WINDOW... ]

[ DRIPPING NOISE ]

[ LIQUID steams, BURNS HOLE though GROUND ]

Ahh!

[ GRANNY POURING and CACKLING ]

[ KNOCKING ON DOOR ]

Let me in this instant!

[ BANGING on DOOR ]

Let... me... innnnn!

[ LURCH and BODY of ARMOUR, PREPARING with WEAPONS ]

Mr and Mrs Addams, I demand you let me in!

Never!

This is a fight to the death!

[ MORTICIA loading PISTOL, GOMEZ wielding SWORD ]

Remember tha -- !

[ MORTICIA, POLISHING PISTOL ]

... What was it, again?

The Alamo.

Ahh, yes. The Alamo.

Thank you, querida~

Remember the Alamo!

I remember the Alamo!

They. LOST!

By George, he's right.

[ GOMEZ OPENS DOOR ]

[ CUSHMAN FALLS down STAIRS, SCREAMING, CRASHES ]

[ SUDDEN SOUND of EXPLOSION. HOUSE SHAKES ]

Why does this have to be the one time,

city workers start on schedule?!

Mr and Mrs Addams.

We have to get out of here.

[ PLANK FALLS, LOCKING DOOR ]

[ GOMEZ SMIRKS ]

[ SOUND of BOLT being LOCKED ]

What was that?

Just deadbolts,

to ensure that no one can come in the house.

Or out.

[ EXPLOSIONS! ]

Open this door.

This house is about to be blown to the ground.

We're going to go down with the house~!

We have to set a good example for the children.

Well, I'm not going down with it!

[ HOUSE-SHAKING EXPLOSION ]

[ GOMEZ SHRUGS ]

[ CUSHMAN, RUNNING down HALL ]

... Ahhhh!

[ BUMPS into FESTER ]

[ BOOM! ]

I've got to stop my crew before I'm... buried by the rubble... !

Rubble, shmubble!

Mama's right.

Their workers could never destroy anything with those wimpy explosives.

They need something like this.

[ BRANDISHES TICKING BOMB ]

The Megabomb 400.

Capable of destroying a small building.

And comes with its very own carrying case!

[ THROWS BOMB at CITY PLANNER ]

.... Ahhhhhhh!

[ DING, BOOM! ]

[ WHISTLING NOISE... ] ...... aaaaaaahhh!

[ CRASHES to FLOOR ]

... !

[ SPLUTTERING in HORROR ]

And again.

That bomb should have...

... leveled this place!

What's this house made of?

Steel?!

No.

Titanium~

Good ol' Great Great Grandpapa Addams!

He always said why use wood,

when titanium costs three times as much,

and is completely impractical!

Yeah.

Who knew that it would save us from weak-kneed, narrow-minded bureaucrats?

No offense.

Well...

If you people can't destroy this place,

the city certainly can't.

We'll put the highway...

[ SHRUGS ]

... somewhere else!

[ FAMILY makes DISAPPOINTED NOISES ]

But what about the off-ramp?

Ohh.

Don't worry.

I'm going to see to it, that,

we don't come anywhere near you!

You win, Addams.

You can keep the house.

Did you hear that, everybody!?

We won!

We won!

[ CHILDREN HIGH-FIVE ]

[ GRANDMAMA CLAPS ] The house is safe!

[ LURCH GROANS HAPPILY ]

[ CITY PLANNER SITS ]

[ CHAIR MOVES BACKWARDS ]

Mr Cushman,

I hope you don't mind flying coach.

Huh?

[ WEDNESDAY YANKS LEVER ]

[ SCREAMS, LAUNCHED into AIR ]

[ LAUNCHED OUT OF ROOF ]

[ CRASHES onto GROUND in front of DEMO TEAM ]

[ WORKERS SCRAMBLING to LEAVE ]

[ CITY PLANNER DAZEDLY, WALKS out GATE ]

Nice man, but a little jumpy.

[ POPS! CHAMPAGNE CORK ]

[ CONFETTI SHOWERS ]

[ FAMILY DANCING and CELEBRATING ]

[ DOING the CONGA ]

[ GOMEZ KISSING MORTICIA'S ARM ]

Cara mia...

Mmmn, mon cher~

These ropes are too tight.

That's the point.

[ PUGSLEY, SUSPENDED over 'BOTTOMLESS WELL' ]

It was sure nice of the city, to leave behind their demolition equipment.

Yes, but whatever this is,

it doesn't seem to be working. [ HOLDING UP WIRE ]

Have you checked the power supply?

I made you say your first word.

Now I'll make you say your last.

[ FESTER and GRANDMAMA TOUCH wire tips TOGETHER ]

[ BOTH ENJOY being ELECTROCUTED ]

No... !

[ WEDNESDAY PULLS LEVER ]

[ PUGSLEY FALLS down WELL ] ... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

[ SWARM of BATS FLYING ]

[ MORTICIA and GOMEZ, HUDDLED TOGETHER in UPRIGHT COFFIN ]

Ahhh, there's no place like home!

[ MORTICIA rests HEAD on his SHOULDER ]

Awoooooooo... !