Original subtitles

En garde!

Tish!

That's French!

And your humpback whale call really drives me wild~!

That's not me.

That sounds like someone's in pain.

Let's go see.

What are you doing?

Marking my spot~

... Lurch?

That...

... headless howling, is coming from you?

I had no idea you were such an accomplished decomposer.

Oh, man.

Your singing could wake the dead.

Play it again, Lurch~

Wow.

You really brought down the house.

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ How you do, the Addams family? ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

♪ Wonderfully scary ♪

♪ And pleasantly hairy ♪

♪ Delightfully? Very. ♪

♪ It's the Addams family! ♪

*snap snap*

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

Darling.

Didn't you think Lurch's singing voice, was wonderful?

Yes.

Absolutely bone-chilling!

Maybe we should make a recording

and submit it to a record company.

Capital idea!

What do you think, Lurch?

How'd you like to be a star?

Then it's all settled.

Let's cut a record.

The dungeon makes a fine recording studio, doesn't it, cara mia?

Yes.

Soundproof.

To stifle screams.

Okay, Lurch.

And a one...

And a two...

You rang?

Okay, everybody.

Let's take five.

I think we blew an amplifier.

No problem.

Go ahead.

That's a wrap.

Murray, how many times have l gotta tell ya?

Grunge is dead, okay?

It's history.

It's finito.

So don't even call me again

unless you've got the next, like,

Marilyn Manson or somethin', alright?!

There's a Mr. Addams on the phone.

He says his butler has a hit record.

Well, what's the gardener do?

Play centre for the Knicks?

Well, he mentioned a finder's fee.

Forget it, l can't afford to pay a finder's fee.

No, he wants to pay you!

Bickle here.

Yeah!

Hey!

l'm really glad you called.

Mr. Bickle, thank you for coming.

We have something you absolutely have to hear.

An LP?

What are you people,

been living in a cave?

No, we vacation there.

Huh.

Well, nobody has record players anymore, okay?

So why don't you just send me a tape, or a CD or somethin'?

We can do better than that.

Whoa!

You rang?

Who is this...

... monster!?

Our butler, Lurch.

Or, the new singing sensation, Lurch?

Depending on whether he's carrying a tune or a drink.

Oh, kid.

You are going to be very big.

He already is.

"And now, the new artist Lurch, with his hot new debut single,

'You Rang?'

Lurch, is something wrong?

What is it, a lynch mob?

Fans.

Ohhh, a Lurch-mob!

How sweet.

We should invite them in.

Noooo.

Ohhh.

So that's where Fester planted his time bomb!

Come now, Lurch.

This is just what you need to help you break out of your shell.

... Like shell.

Shell gooood.

♪ .... rang? ♪

♪ You rang? ♪

♪ You rang? ♪

Lurch!

Lurch!

♪ You rang? ♪

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

♪ You rang? ♪

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch! Lurch! Lurch! Lurch!

I thought I asked Lurch to oil this train... !

You rang?

Morticia, where's Lurch?

I'm afraid he's busy right now.

Wednesday's helping him with his music video.

Copy that.

And...

Action!

♪ You rang? ♪

♪ You rang? ♪

♪ You rang? ♪

... need more smoke!

♪ You rang? ♪

♪ You rang? ♪

Kick it, girls!

♪ You rang? ♪

♪ You rang? ♪

♪ You rang? ♪

♪ You rang? ♪

♪ You rang? ♪

Ah, ah, ah... !

♪ You rang? ♪

Ah, ah, ah... !

Work with me, Pugsley!

♪ You rang? ♪

Ah, ah, ah... !

Ah, ah, ah... !

Ah... !

And... cut!

Oops.

I forgot to put film in the camera.

I guess we'll have to take it from the top.

Any luck, dear?

Not a bite.

I think Lurch forgot to restock the moat.

I got nothing else to wear.

Lurch hadn't done the laundry, for a week.

We just came for the... fabric softener!

I had no idea Lurch did so much work, around here.

No wonder he... groans all the time.

They say, show business changes a person.

I can't believe Lurch would let being a rockstar interfere with his duties.

... Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

You rang?

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch!

Lurch! Lurch! Lurch! Lurch!

Lurch?

Lurch?

Lurch?

Lurch?

Lurch!

Lurch!!

That will be $5.

Do you have anything he's actually touched?

Something really, big?

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

Lurch, baby!

What are ya doin' answering the door?

You're a star!

Mr. Bickle, l'm so glad you're here.

We'd like to talk to you about Lurch.

How much longer before we can expect our butler back?

Get used to it!

Hahahahaha!

Lurch is headlining Ghoulapalooza!

He leaves tomorrow on a six-month, world tour.

Lurch, baby!

You're the best!

Oh.

Lurch, baby!

Now that you're goin' on tour,

we gotta do a little somethin' about your image, eh?

Hey, hey, hey, don't,

"ehhhhh" me.

Samantha, here, is one of our nation's top stylists.

... very exciting ideas.

He's all yours, Sam.

Let's get a look at this

long, cool drink of water.

Oh, I am loving him, Bickle, baby!

Okay, big fella, you might wanna get a little comfortable here.

This might take a while.

Oh, look at the size of those shoulders.

A little help...

Here, if you don't mind, I'll just get it...

Um, hello?

There you go, big guy.

Dog collar on ya.

Arf!

If I wanted a big man, in a loud shirt,

I would have stayed with my husband.

No.

No.

Okay, there's now this...

This is really no.

This is...

... Magic!

Ooh, I'm loving this.

There aren't too many butlers who could carry off leather so well.

Lurch, old man,

what can I say?

I've known you since you were...

This high!

Break a leg.

Preferably your own.

Dear Lurch...

I don't know if you'll have time to write,

but I want you to have this.

It was my Grandfather's poisoned pen.

Well, big guy.

If you need any help with the ladies.

You know where to find me.

I made you a batch of my new cologne.

Carnage No. 5

For men.

Have something for the road.

Platypus pierogies.

Your favourite.

A-And they're still fresh.

Bye, Lurch.

We'll miss you.

When smashing a guitar on stage,

it's always best to do it over someone's head.

Otherwise, you might scratch the floor.

Hello, I'm Jeeves.

The new...

Buter.

Oh, dear.

The agency wasn't supposed to send him over until after you had left.

The truth is, Lurch.

We realized how much you do around here.

Well,

we need the help.

Off you go~

Ta-ta...

Oh.

My trains have never run so smoothly.

All that was required was a drop of oil, sir.

Brilliant.

Pardon me, sir. If it wouldn't be out of place, may I say,

adding a bit of soft burn for the mixture

would make the explosion much more, devastating.

Thank you.

I'll keep that in mind.

I've softened Mr. Fester's bed of nails

and adjusted the children's rack.

Is there anything else you require?

I think you've covered it all.

Jeevesy, old man.

You're a fine addition to the Addams Family.

Thank you.

Sir.

Yeah, well, y'know, Murray..

It's nice on the road, huh?

Don't wrinkle those pants, Lurch.

Right now we're headed for Ghoulapalooza with my newest sensation, Lurch.

You're gonna love him, Murray!

He's a real monster.

Allow me, madam.

Thank you, Jeeves.

Ahhhhh!

This soup is scalding!

My compliments to the chef.

Jeeves, by any chance,

do we have any...

Strychnine?

You read my mind.

If you require nothing further, sir.

I shall attend to the roast.

Yeah.

Go right ahead.

That's odd.

Gomez never passed out from my soup.

Mmm.

You know.

It's not just anybody that can take a nobody,

and turn 'em into an overnight sensation.

Yeah, he must be really talented.

Talent, schmalent.

You give me any seven-foot tall, freakish,

tone-deaf monster,

I can turn 'em into a star.

Hey, and when they're tired of this one,

I'll find another.

Now, where would I find a lemon?

I don't need your help, mutant!

I knew there was something I didn't like about Jeeves.

It's time for the Bear Trap.

Where...

... are you?

Little hellions... !

I know you're... down here!

Come with.. ah!

No!

Here's...

... Jeevesy!

I'm coming to get you, Wednesday.

And your little dog, too... !

That's odd.

The agency said they're fresh out of butlers.

Not a one to be found in the entire state.

Maybe they're out of season.

If only we could find another Lurch.

But they broke the mold when they made him.

Accidents happen.

I guess we'll just have to get used to the fact

that he won't show up every time I do this.

You rang?

Did I just hear what I thought I heard?

You rang?

You rang?

Sorry.

I just got caught up in the moment.

Well, what happened, Lurch?

Did they cancel the tour?

Homesick.

I know we were sick of not having you home.

Glad to have you back, Lurch.

Nobody cracks my spine like you do.

As soon as you can get to the market,

I'm desperately in need

of eel fin, and sea urchin venom.

Welcome home, Lurch.

Addams has the ball...

He dribbles left...

He dribbles right...

He passes the ball to himself... !

Addams steals the ball,

she shoots!

She scores.

Nice shot!

You know, Jeeves was good.

But there's just some stuff that Lurch does better.

Tell us, old boy.

Do you miss being the artist formerly known as Lurch?

Well, for what it's worth,

we're your biggest fans.

Yes,

we bought all your CDs.

Let's play one.

You know?

Music really does sound better on compact disc.

Awooo... !