Original subtitles

Finally!

Blisters.

Hold still.

Ready, Pugsley?

Uh-huh.

Owwww... !

Pugsley.

The name of the game is

"Pin the Donkey on Lurch".

The mail's in.

I'll get it.

... somebody, help me!

For you.

Oh, look, darling, a postcard from Great Uncle Maduc.

I like his choice of crayon.

Lurch.

Aren't you going to open it?

Let me guess.

Another chain letter from your friend at the morgue.

Um.

Right.

Lurch,

you know that's not true.

Wednesday, what is it?

It's an invitation to the Butlers' Costume Ball.

How nice.

You will be going, won't you?

Dear Lurch.

He really livens up a room.

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ How you do, the Addams family? ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

♪ Wonderfully scary ♪

♪ And pleasantly hairy ♪

♪ Delightfully? Very. ♪

♪ It's the Addams family! ♪

*snap snap*

♪ Welcome to the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

♪ Come into the Addams family ♪

Now!

Chachacha! *snap snap*

Ahhhh.

Bleak House.

What a great book for a sunny day.

Cara mia!

Smoking again?

I thought you were going to quit.

I will.

As soon as I get my cough back.

Gomez.

I've been thinking.

Lurch should go to the ball.

He hardly ever gets out these days.

You're absolutely right.

I'll take care of everything.

Darling, thank you.

Tish,

when you pat my cheek that way,

it drives me wild.

Control yourself, Gomez.

Never.

Gomez, you're forgetting about Lurch!

You rang?

Mrs. Addams and I feel that this year you should go to the ball.

Lurch, what is it?

Is something wrong?

I...

I can't dance.

Come now, Lurch.

Have you ever tried?

Yes.

Lurch, it couldn't have been that bad.

It was the Woodlands 39th annual ball.

You saw your Cleopatra across the room and you asked her to dance.

As you held her in your arms, the other dancers faded away.

You never wanted this magical moment to end.

And you started spinning her around and around, faster and faster.

You could barely hear her screaming over the music as the crowd stood and stared.

And then...

You had a feeling that she wouldn't be up for a second dance.

So you left.

Brokenhearted.

Lurch,

that could have happened to anyone.

Gomez is right.

You shouldn't be so hard on yourself.

Besides, you need to develop outside interests.

Look at Mr. Addams.

That's right.

Why, I've taken up professional whittling.

Watch this.

Lurch, we're speaking to you this way

because you're more than an employee to us.

You're part of the family.

But the most important thing is,

do you want to go to the ball?

But, I can't dance.

Nonsense.

You're probably just a little rusty.

Nothing that a few dance lessons can't cure.

Darling,

what an excellent idea.

Hello, the Let's Dance Dance Studio?

Children,

how's the ant farm for school coming?

Fine.

Very nice.

But where are the ants?

Over there.

That must be Lurch's dance teacher!

Pugsley.

I left my scalpel in one of the ant cages.

Could you get it for me?

Why, you must be Lurch's dance teacher.

Welcome.

It's... so depressing in here.

Why, thank you.

Lurch, this is your dance instructor, Cindy.

Well, like I always say, if you've got a pulse, I'll give you rhythm.

Oh, dear.

That might be a problem.

Okay, big boy.

Let's just start with the basics.

Just you follow my lead.

We'll get you dancing in no time.

¡Ole!

Come here, you.

Alright.

And... one, two, three,

one, two, three.

Good~!

One, two, three.

Now let's try,

a simple spin.

Good~!

That's great!

Y-You can pull me down now, Mr. Lurch.

You're going too fast, Mr. Lurch!

Put me down, you big jerk... !

No one calls Lurch a jerk.

I think I need a new mattress.

These nails are feeling a little soft.

Are you sure you want me to crank it harder?

Higher.

Well, if you're sure it'll help your headache.

Better, old boy?

Much.

He's turning a lovely shade of red.

Darling, that looks more like magenta.

Very popular colour this year.

More...

Just a little.

This can become habit-forming.

Lurch, I don't think you should give up on the ball just yet.

Think of all the poor women you'll be depriving of that Lurch grace and charm.

Can't.

Dance.

Two left... feet.

We could get a right one made!

Nonsense.

Lurch, you know what your problem is?

You're too rough on your dance partners.

Fester.

Hmm?

Why don't you teach Lurch?

After all, you're a big hit at parties.

And not just because you're a pretty face.

Good idea.

One lesson from me, Lurch.

And you'll be as graceful as a butterfly.

Ladies and gentlemen,

may I present to you...

Lurch the Light Foot!

Let the show begin.

Woohoo~!

Haha!

Hee he hee!

Woohoo~!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Hahaha!

Let's go see what happens.

Wow.

He really did some damage to that pickup.

No.

More.

Dancing.

Poor Lurch.

He was so looking forward to the ball.

I know.

He was really... hoping... to meet that something special.

I just don't understand it.

Lurch is so graceful,

dancing should be easy for him.

Second nature, really.

But then again...

He doesn't have the dance partner that I have...

Querida~

Mon cher.

Good show, old man!

Lurch, you were superb.

Lurch, I believe we found the one dance you can do.

Without inflicting bodily harm.

Going to the ball~

Now, everyone, be very encouraging.

Lurch is still a little nervous.

Lurch,

you look absolutely stunning.

I ask you, what woman could resist that?

Try to remember to save some ladies for the other men.

If you want to bring a date...

If you want to bring a date home tonight,

I won't be using the shallow grave.

Have a good time.

Go break some hearts~

Wait till the women at the dance get a load of him?

They're gonna freak!

I can't believe it.

That's him.

It's that freak!

That klutz that threw me outta the house!

Monster!

Ow, ow, ow...

I can't believe he had the nerve to show up.

Darling.

Yes, querida?

Remember our first Friday the 13th together?

You prepared dinner for me at your parents' castle.

They were out attending that execution.

I was trembling with anticipation.

As was I.

We took a walk down by the abyss.

I held your hand.

Do you remember, darling?

Yes, darling.

I remember.

I was so nervous.

My hands, were... so warm and... dry.

... Thing!

What is so important?

Oh, no! Lurch is in trouble.

What do you mean, no one will dance with him?

I see.

That dancing instructor told everyone at the ball that Lurch was dangerous.

That's ridiculous. All he did was hurl her out of the house and break her arm.

Oh, Gomez. We can't stand here and let Lurch suffer.

Wait.

I've got an idea.

Shrimp?

Thank you.

But do you have any that are alive?

He-hey~!

Baby!

You wanna dance? Huh? C'mon~

Excuse me.

Well, look at his belly dancer, there.

I mean, who does she think she is?

Oh, it's Lurch.

Hey cutie, you want to dance?

Oh.

A tango, please.

Okay. Classic hit, coming right up.

Hey, that's one mean bruise from a shoe.

That's right.

And the winner for best dance goes to Zoro and the Belly Dancer!

Bravo!

Woohoo!

Congratulations.

Children.

I don't know who you are,

but please, accept my sacrifice.

Darlings, it's only me.

You're not my Mother.

Children, I heard you screaming all the way in the attic.

Are you having a terrible time?

No.

I see your concern,

but your mother was just trying to help Lurch out, at the ball.

Gomez, you should have been there.

All the ladies were quite enamored with him.

Especially one lovely, young woman carrying a meat cleaver.

The belle of the ball, no doubt!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to change out of this dreadful costume.

Children,

not a word about this to anyone.

I'll take it to Pugsley's grave.

Wednesday!

Nothing like radioactive ant legs to really hit the spot.

Try them with some chocolate sauce.

It really brings out the flavour.

Look, Morticia.

The party boy is up.

Lurch, you got home late last night.

Did you have a good time?

Meet anyone special?

Our Lurch.

A regular lady killer.

We're all out of chocolate sauce.

That's allright, Lurch. I'll get it.

You sly dog, you.

Lurch.

I'm so glad everything went well.

Thank you, Mrs. Addams.

Such a prince.

My toadstools are doing quite well, this season.

Glad to hear it, querida.

Chomp, chomp.

Pugsley, I've got a surprise for you.

Lurch, did that help at all?

Poor Lurch, after the dance last night,

it's no wonder your back is one big knot.

Maybe he needs a soak in the jacuzzi.

Nice try.

I thought he'd never leave.

Lurch,

ready for step two?

Higher...

Higher...

Hm~

Higher...

Awoooo... !