Original subtitles

Good morning, Southern California. It's

8:00 and it's going to be another

beautiful day in Palm Springs. It's your

girl Frankie Jay and thank you for

listening to your favorite radio

station.

[Music]

Look at you.

Such a dirty girl.

Good shower before a wild ride is all

you need.

Oo. Why you make heads turn?

I

like that.

>> She's got it.

Yeah, baby. She's got it.

Well, I'm your penis. I'm your

desire.

Well, I'm your

>> Hi, Victor.

[Music]

In local news, Major Victor Martin won

the Sweet Ride Antique Roadster

Division. Way to go, major.

>> Your local news is brought to you by our

friends at the Cuckoo Cafe. Stop by and

check out their famous doodle and art

gallery.

[Music]

Hey, Victor.

>> S.

>> What are you doing with all those old

people?

>> We learned how to do a paper.

[Music]

It's good for you. It stretches the

hips, everything. It's good.

[Music]

>> Nice car.

>> Nice Chihuahua.

much. Let's sell it.

>> Yeah, I can't hear you. Turn that thing

down.

>> You're too old for that car, Gingo. Why

don't you sell it to me?

>> How about never,

>> man? Man, your race should be zipping

around on one of them scooter things.

>> Do you hold that guy?

>> No. What do they call a cholo who drives

an Impala? Small sift auto.

>> Yeah. What was it like growing up riding

dinosaurs?

>> Good.

>> Yo, why do you still drive that thing

anyway? You can't even get it up

anymore.

>> Listen to that big bad ombre.

>> You want to see me get it up? Sure.

>> Yeah,

>> you got what it takes.

>> All right, let's do this.

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

>> Yeah.

[Music]

[Music]

Oh,

>> Victor. Victor. Victor. I guess it's

true what they say. You can't teach an

old dog new tricks.

>> Victor set me up.

>> All right. I want you to look me in the

eyes when I tell you this.

>> I'm looking. I'm looking. You got great

eyes. Beautiful. She got beautiful eyes.

>> Got beautiful eyes.

>> Beautiful eyes.

>> Eyes. I'm serious. I know you like your

ride, but it's got to stop. This new DA

means business. She's cracking down big

time on your seniors.

>> Cracking down.

>> Failure to use your turn signal, you get

a ticket. Driving too slow ticket. You

know how it is. Pick your friends, you

pick your nose. But you can't pick your

friend's nose.

>> What?

>> Promise me, Victor. No more shenanigans.

>> No more shenanigans. Pick your nose.

>> Victor,

>> thanks for heads up.

Like two hard-boiled eggs doing the

salsa.

>> Oh, Billy.

>> Sonia, honey,

>> can I get another slice of that strudel,

please?

>> Are you sure?

>> No, I can't get enough.

>> Let me see if Caroline is still making.

>> Thank you.

>> Mhm.

>> Billy wants more. Oh, sorry.

[Music]

>> Oh, that's gorgeous.

>> Thanks, Amur.

It's for the auction.

I don't know how to thank you.

>> Big day, Victor. Today, this baby's

going to be on the cover of Sweet Ride.

You never done that before, have you?

>> Nah, it's the first time, man.

>> Yeah.

>> I mean, I'm so excited. She's my little

lady.

She's my little girl.

And she don't say maybe

coconut

to the back.

[Music]

>> I like to make the guys jealous. Yeah.

You'll have a great time.

>> I'll I'll try to come.

>> All right. Then look now. Right here.

Oh, that's a

>> Oh, it's like getting around.

>> Judge, she's a beautiful girl.

>> I'm talking about the car.

>> When is this going to hit the stands?

>> In August.

>> August?

It's around the corner.

>> Holy

[ __ ] What is that?

>> Oh, Ted Garmin.

>> There's no way that that's Ted Garvin.

That's because last time you saw him, he

was cruising around in his chatty, tough

and a Cuban. The picture of a happily

retired man.

>> Jesus.

What happened? story I heard. He hit a

kid on a bike

months, maybe two months ago, barely

grazed, but the parents sued and he

wound up losing his license, his car,

and most of his hair.

They took away his caddy.

Oh Jesus,

[Music]

>> look who's here. Say Johnny.

>> Hey baby.

>> Hi.

>> Oh, I'm so glad you made it. Oh, great.

>> Danny Mike.

>> Yeah, she's the model, man.

[Music]

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Captain

Hook's Piano Bar. Put your hands

together and help me welcome up our

unofficial host.

>> He's calling me up. I got to go. Okay.

>> Do us proud, Vic. Do us proud,

>> Victor Michael.

Hey.

Hey. Thank you so much. Thank you. Hey,

this is our bar. We love it here. We We

welcome you. It's Captain Hook's Bar

because once you come in, you're hooked

and we ring you back.

>> Oh, yeah.

>> Miss me?

>> Oh, so much.

>> I can't believe you got her number.

>> I think she has the hots for me.

>> Well, maybe.

>> Danny and Mike, Bill's had a heart

attack.

[Music]

Hey,

>> look who it is.

>> Hey, sorry, old man. I couldn't resist.

You know, the cop was just waiting there

with big old butterfly net.

>> Glad somebody got a laugh out of it.

>> You want to do it for real this time?

>> Get out of here, old man.

>> Hey, you in [ __ ]

>> [ __ ]

Yeah.

Heat.

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

morons.

I don't know what happened.

>> Are you okay?

I'm I'm too old for this [ __ ]

>> Mr. Martin, I'm going to ask you one

more time. Are you waving your right to

an attorney?

>> Absolutely, your honor. This is an

opensh shut case. I'm a pilot. I know

how to drive a car.

>> Very well. Proceed.

The defense calls um first witness uh

Mr. Salvatore Jeppe Spanelli.

>> Mrs. Spanelli, would you please come

forward?

>> Your head, sir. Remove your head. Please

place your right hand on the Bible. Do

you solemnly swear the testimony you're

about to give will be the truth, the

whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

So help you God.

>> I do.

>> Be seated.

>> Good afternoon, Mr. Spinelli. Good

afternoon, Mr. Martin.

>> Uh, Mr. Spinelli, would you please in

for inform the court uh how long you've

known the defendant? Well, we met at

called high

freshman year of phys

uh in square dancing class.

There weren't enough girls. Soul the

teacher paradise

and knowing the defendant as

knowing the defendant as well as you

too.

How would you describe his character?

What what what uh kind of a man is he?

>> The bravest man I know.

Fought in N

tested jets for NASA. a true American

hero

and the best damn friend I could ever

have a hope for. I'll tell you that.

Thank you, sir.

How many times would you say you've

driven with the defendant?

>> Too many to count. Way up in the

thousands at least.

>> Would you describe him as reckless? Uh,

confident maybe, but never reckless.

[Applause]

>> This community is attracting a younger

crowd, and it is our priority.

>> Indeed, our economic necessity to

welcome them. Drivers like Mr. Martin

are ticking time bombs on wheels. And I,

for one, don't want to wait around for

these bombs to go off and kill innocent

people. So, I'm here today to plead that

the court do whatever it can to diffuse

these bombs for the public safety as

well as that of the driver.

After careful review of the evidence and

testimony, I'm compelled to rule in

favor of the state. Mr. Martin, under

California Vehicle Code at sections

131000-13376,

I am hereby

revoking your driver's license and

ordering that your car be impounded

until you can clearly prove to this

court that you're fit to drive and able

to obey our traffic laws.

You will have an opportunity to retest

in the next 30 days.

>> Where do you think they're taking her?

>> The impound out on Bankroft. Looks more

like a junkyard if you ask me.

>> Oh, that's a shame. Name's Kendall.

Brock Kendall. I specialize in helping

guys like you get their car back. Here.

Call me.

>> Come on, Timmy.

>> What the hell?

>> Why'd you do that?

>> Cheap suit, white sneakers. Who dresses

like that? I wouldn't trust him as far

as I could spit. No, no, no, no. I I'm

going to take the test next week. I'll

pass it with flying colors.

Should we grab it?

>> You're kidding me.

Victor Martin does not take the bus. Not

now. Not ever.

Losers take the bus. Losers and all

people.

Ain't no sunshine when she's gone.

It's not.

>> Okay. Right here.

>> 32 plus.

[Music]

>> Whoa. Oh, what a day.

>> Tell me about it.

>> You work too hard. No, really. I I think

I need to hire an extra person here.

>> No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I

insist. I insist. Take it. Take it. It's

yours.

>> Thank you.

>> You're welcome.

>> Don't you dare.

>> Oh, you are too sweet.

>> We're heading back.

>> Oh,

>> well, I'm staying. I'll get your care

back then.

>> Don't say too late. You know you got

your big test tomorrow.

>> Oh, come on. I I can drive those cones

in my sleeve.

>> Thanks.

>> Yeah. Yeah.

>> No, I don't I don't take it. Don't take

it.

I totally totally

>> if you don't mind me asking.

>> I don't mind.

>> What's a man like you still doing

chasing younger women?

>> You mean a man my age?

>> Yes.

>> Because

they're so beautiful.

Fair enough.

>> Hey, I hope I don't come off like a show

from this pig.

>> Pigs are very smart.

>> Do you want to come to a pool party with

me?

[Music]

>> This is amazing.

Hey, come on,

Victor. Victor, come on.

[Music]

You want to go swimming?

>> Yeah.

>> Yeah.

>> What are you doing?

>> Oh, fun. Come on.

>> I'm not going to take off my pants.

Woo! Come on in. Get in here.

[Music]

[Applause]

Whoa.

Car handles like a goddamn tank.

>> Well, you drive it like a tank.

[Music]

[Applause]

>> Think I killed him?

>> Not sure about the kid, but the mother

definitely.

[Applause]

Sorry.

>> God, the sun's in my eyes. I can hardly

see.

>> Just pull over.

>> Carlos Diaz.

Congratulations, Mr. Diaz. The only one

who had a perfect score today. Take this

to window 12 and schedule your driving

test.

Mr. Martin.

Victor Martin.

Mr. Martin.

>> Oh yeah.

[Music]

Hey there, Mr. Martin.

Sup, dude? There's the car.

[Music]

the brush

[Music]

Ah,

[Music]

[Music]

you can't

[Music]

Sir,

>> are you okay?

>> Just getting a beer.

[Music]

Hey, isn't that my What? What the

What the hell? What?

>> Hey, wait. Hey. Hey.

>> Oh,

I'm just

>> Are you all right?

>> Feels like I'm running a [ __ ] Bronco

here. It is.

>> So sorry.

>> No, it's all right. Oh, your bag tore.

>> I I'm

>> Oh, dear. You know what? I have

>> I have an extra bag. Put everything in

here.

>> I'm so sorry.

>> It's okay.

Potassium sorbate isocarbonates.

So, did natural artificial flavors

preserve calcium phosphate. I am

starting to salivate.

This is to die for.

Making fun of my honey buns.

[Music]

No.

Oh my god.

Oh boy.

Be a son of a [ __ ]

I am hereby revoking your driver's

license. Revoking your driver's license.

Ted gar.

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

Here

it is. Kendall Hunter Associates.

>> How'd you find it?

>> Checked it off Google.

>> Google.

>> DMV's top examiner's name is Larry

Lockdown Mips.

>> Yeah, I know him.

>> Well, let's have a little work look at

his handiwork, shall we? Now, this is

the test course before MIP. Look at how

much space there is between those cones.

Right? This is the test course after

MIP. See how much closer those cones

are? Wow. Who could do that? Now, that

is where I come in. For just $799,

I will personally train you to beat that

course.

But

I want you to listen to me and I want

you to listen good cuz I'm only going to

say this once. This is not about you

getting back your license to drive. Damn

it. This is about you

getting back your license to live.

>> And would you happen to know who Mr.'s

best friend is? It's none other

than Tess Woodson, your favorite DA.

>> Get her.

>> Ah, focus, Victor. Focus. And by the

way, on one leg.

>> One leg. Okay.

Timmy, would you mind demonstrating the

proper way to throw a dart?

>> One leg.

Wow.

>> What are you doing?

>> I'm just trying to gauge your reflexes.

>> Got it.

>> Got it. Uh, look, before I join your

little program, uh, need to know how you

plan on finagling my retest. Not

everybody knows this, but according to

the state code, buried deep in article

14, section 3, you have a right to a

medical waiver. Now, that means all I

have to do is file a standard DMV form

and before you can say where the hell

are my car keys, you have a retest date.

>> Well, what happens if I don't have a

medical condition?

>> How old are you?

>> 72.

>> That's a medical problem.

All right. So, what are we waiting

around for? File the damn papers.

>> Timmy, if you could, could you file the

form post haste?

>> Now, I got to warn you, major, the next

few weeks are going to be your toughest

since boot camp. You You prepared for

that?

>> Yeah. How badly you want that car back?

>> I can. I can. I want it back. I want to

get that car back. Oh,

>> see, that's what I'm talking about.

That's the fire I need.

Dude,

[Music]

[Music]

I'm

Well,

of all the cafes and all the towns in

all the world,

>> I have to walk into yours.

>> Your place?

>> Yes, sir.

>> Oh. I must have driven past here a

thousand times.

>> Well, it's never too late. Let's make

this official. Caroline Summers.

>> Victor Martin.

>> Nice to meet you.

>> Impressive place.

Well, about the cuckoo.

>> Oh, he's extinct. He never comes out.

Can I get you a table by the window?

>> Oh, I've always been a counterman

myself.

>> All righty then. Well, belly up to the

bar, then.

>> What do you recommend?

Our strudel was just named pastry of the

year by Palm Springs magazine. We beat

out a red velvet cupcake with

pomegranate frosting.

>> Now that is stiff competition.

>> Strudel it is.

>> Sonia, this is Victor.

>> Hi,

>> Victor. This is

>> nice to meet you.

>> Now, Victor, I know that you love your

honey buns, but I think you're going to

like this just wee bit better. Okay.

>> You ready?

>> Huh?

>> All right. This is the big test now.

>> Oh my god.

>> Oh,

>> did I lie?

>> No.

>> Wow.

>> Wow. Look at this.

Art auction. Proceeds to help save the

desert turtle.

>> Tortoise.

>> A tortoise. Excuse me. Tortoise.

And what about the cuckoo?

I'd have a art auction for him. Poor

little guy. Look at him.

Is there a story there?

>> Uh, yeah, there is.

Maybe next time. Right now, I'm trying

to figure out this app.

>> Can't help you there. I'm still working

on Snapshot.

What do you have here?

>> It's not Snapshot. It's Snapchat.

>> Oh [ __ ] I can't even help you with the

name.

>> My god,

this is the best I ever had.

>> Good. I'm glad you like it.

>> Yeah,

>> it's 100% organic.

>> Wait a minute. I think I'm having a

reaction. I'm I'm having an allergic

reaction.

>> Should I call 911?

>> I'm having titanium chloride withdrawal.

>> Get me something from the package. It'll

be better.

>> I'm better now.

[Music]

>> Okay.

>> Hey,

trust me. This is better than any

driving simulator out there. Come on.

>> Okay,

>> you all you.

>> All right, dude. Let's do this.

Okay, so this is ridiculous. Come on.

[Music]

[Applause]

I think we better try something else.

[Applause]

>> Remind me one more time. How does this

prepare me to get my life?

>> That builds toughness, competitive

drive, agility, plus the fact that I

just love playing it when I was a kid.

Okay.

Oh. Oh.

[Music]

Come on. Come on. Oh, team went run.

>> Hey, pull it up. Pull it up. Oh,

[Music]

>> Victor, take it out.

Come on. Find the pair.

>> Got this one. And this one over here is

>> Come on, Victor. Concentrate.

>> Well, it's hard to concentrate.

>> Come on, Victor. Concentrate.

>> I'm trying. I'm trying.

>> Okay. So, uh Oh, four of clubs. Ace of

hearts is

is uh is uh

>> Victor.

I can't.

>> That's the whole point, Victor. If you

get distracted by some pretty young

thing during the test, it is bye-bye

little silver Porsche.

>> You can distract God.

>> No, I can't do it, man. I can't.

>> All right. I can't do that in my face

every 3 seconds.

>> All right, let's call it a day, shall

we? Nice work, girls.

>> Yes. Yeah. And and and five gallons of

cider, please.

>> No, wait. Wait. Make that six.

>> Yeah. Hold on. What? What are you doing?

>> I'm trying to figure out what the heck

is wrong with it.

>> What's he doing?

>> Trying to fix the cuckoo.

>> Really? Do not go there. No, Victor.

Really, don't bother. It just It hasn't

worked in forever. It's just I I'm

sorry. Yes. Yes. That's everything.

Thanks so much. Bye.

>> So, you really want to hear the story of

the cuckoo clock?

>> Yeah. Yeah. I really want to hear the

story of the cuckoo clock. Unless you're

tired of telling the story of the cuckoo

clock.

>> No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, do you

have to be anywhere? I

>> My evening's wide open.

Okay. Because

the uh telling of the story of the

cuckoo cloth needs a certain just right

accompaniment.

Some w

a little wine

and a little time.

>> Oh, you got me all intrigued.

>> But

>> I thought all wine was organic. Oh,

please tell me you've been living in a

cave all these years.

>> A nicely furnished one.

>> Well, here's the healthy one.

>> Here's the healthy one.

>> The story of the cougu clock

is really the story of a spell.

>> If you interrupt me, bad things happen.

>> He doesn't move, but he always is

watching.

The cuckoo clock was made in Sebastaple

in 1898 by Omar Hussein Alam. He was an

old jeweler.

>> Legend has it he was 123.

>> 123.

>> Now the clock is his masterpiece. It's

taken him 11 years to create it. It's

finally complete. He brings it home and

he hangs it on the wall

next to a portrait of his wife, Heleni.

She was his one and only true love. And

he says,

"I made this in memory of our love, my

darling."

And then he goes to bed and he closes

his eyes and at the stroke of midnight

he never opens them again.

And it's said that his spirit inhabits

the clock.

So that my good man is the story of my

cuckoo clock

[Music]

>> and the spell.

>> Well, you know what? I don't not sure

exactly. You know, it is kind of if you

know, if the cuckoo ever cuckoo again

and someone is, you know, and I don't

know, nobody really knows for sure.

>> Good or bad.

You know,

[Music]

>> you want a sports session there?

>> Nah, I'm okay.

>> Hey. Hey.

>> Hey. That's my car. I thought your car

was in the past.

>> I thought so, too.

Hey.

Hey, Dick. They don't open. Hey, that's

my car. Hey, wait a minute.

Open the doors.

Hey. Hey. Hey. That's my car. Hey.

Oh [ __ ]

[Music]

God dam.

Hey. Hey.

>> Yo, Greeno, you okay?

Just a second. Hey,

here's one. I need you to do it. Oh,

>> go.

[Music]

>> By the way, me

Victor Martin.

>> I can't go in.

>> Why not?

I don't intend to go back to La

Finta, man. Jail. One more strike and

I'm off for a while.

[Music]

[Music]

Hot.

>> Hey, you got a permit to be in here?

>> I saw someone driving my car just a

while ago.

>> No one took your car, old man. Now, get

out of here before I have you arrested

for trespassing.

>> Get out of here.

>> I'll be back for you.

>> What the [ __ ] Crazy old man.

>> So,

>> found her. She's waiting for me. I got

to get her back.

>> Listen, Vic, give me a call anytime you

need a ride. All right. I feel bad about

all this. Your car wouldn't be in here.

>> No, no, no, no, no.

Not your fault. You're not the only

[ __ ] at this party.

[Applause]

[Music]

>> There's an art auction tonight at the

Cuckoo Cafe. All proceeds will go to

save the desert tortoises. Make sure you

and all your friends show up.

We've come to fix the clock.

>> My name is Victor von Martin, former jet

pilot, insane mechanical skills. This is

Salvator Spinelli. Salvator, jeweler, 42

years. 43.

>> Nice to meet you. Um, Victor, I really

appreciate your enthusiasm, but no, the

cuckoo will cuckoo no more.

>> I you insult me.

Uh, he told me about the spell.

>> I need to know.

>> 1 2 3:00 4:00

>> 123y old guy following himself.

Good to good to

see

>> Hey, I see.

>> I saw I saw this is so much better. This

is what Sherlock Holmes used.

[Music]

>> There we go.

>> Look at that. It's coming together, man.

[Music]

Cogs. Lots of cogs. Lots of cogs.

>> You know what that is?

>> Yeah.

>> A counter [ __ ]

>> Yeah.

>> Hey.

>> Wow.

>> What do you see?

>> 6

[Music]

clock.

7 6 5

4

3

>> 2

one

>> Come on, baby.

>> Come on. Come on.

>> Ah, shoot. I'm so sorry, man.

[Applause]

You did it. You did it.

I can't believe you did it.

>> I can't believe it. I

>> Are you all right?

[Applause]

>> And the spell.

[Music]

>> What a beautiful thing.

[Music]

him,

I guess.

>> I can't believe grandma was right.

>> I'll meet my one and only when

>> when the cuckoo strikes,

[Applause]

but it's true.

>> Oh, wow.

>> Hey, S.

Yeah. Can I ask you a question?

>> Sure.

How long were you married with Jenny?

>> 42 years.

>> And And so how was it? I mean, I you

know, I'd see us squabbling every now

and then.

Ups down,

but I do it all over again.

>> You would? Yeah. Give me that.

>> You ready to settle down?

>> Yeah.

Wow.

>> How would you like to go to an auction

tonight?

[Music]

>> Well, well, well. Look at the two of

you. A couple of Hollywood leading men.

>> You look relishing.

Gorgeous dress.

>> A thanks, guys.

>> Uh, this picture, where'd you take it?

Gosh, that was my very first assignment

for National Geographic. They sent me

out in the desert to photograph the

wildlife. And just as I arrived, this

little fella showed up and smiled at me.

>> Wow.

Anyway, let's get this auction started.

>> Victor,

save the tortoise. Save the desert.

Save the world.

I can

>> save the tortoise, Victor.

>> I might just do that.

>> And the current bid is $350. $350 going

once. 350 going twice. $350

sold to that beautiful woman in the

front row.

Our

next item is our very own hostess's

awardwinning photo of a happy desert

tortoise.

>> So, let's start the bidding at $500.

Anybody for $500? 500. 500. There's a

bid for $500. Boom. Right there. Anybody

for 600. How about $600?

>> 600.

>> 600 right there. Why are we stopping

there? Let's go to 700. $700 is the 700

is the bid right there. $700 for

Caroline's beautiful photo of a happy

desert tortoise that needs our help.

>> 1,000

>> $1,000 that is right there. The bid is

at 1 grand. One grand everybody.

>> 1200.

>> The bid is at $1,200. $1,200 for that to

>> 3,000.

>> $3,000,

ladies and gentlemen.

>> 5,000

>> $5,000.

>> $5,000 is the current bid. Victor, you

got the kind of dog I spent on a turtle.

>> Turtles.

>> 5,000 going twice. 5,000.

>> $10,000.

>> Wow.

>> $10,000 is the bid. $10,000. Oh my. In

the room. 10,000 going once. 10,000

going twice. 10,000 going three times.

And sold to Seenor Diego Lo.

[Applause]

[Laughter]

So tell you,

>> are you coming?

>> Yeah, I think I'll stick around a while.

She's a good woman. Lucky you. Talk to

you tomorrow.

>> Okay. Good night, S. Thanks for coming.

>> Oh.

>> Wow. What a

>> We raised a lot of money.

>> We did.

>> What is this? Uh where

>> No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Put that

down. I have a much better idea. Follow

me.

[Music]

>> Oh, no. No, thank you.

>> You smoke often?

>> Often enough. Does wonders for my

arthritis?

>> Where do you buy it?

>> I don't. I grow it.

>> Why do you think my strudel's so

popular?

[Laughter]

Hey, I better try some of that

secret to the strut.

>> Wow.

>> Not bad.

>> You know, it's funny. If it wasn't for

the bus,

>> we never would have met. And my clock

would still be without its cuckoo.

>> Yeah. Talk about cuckoo.

>> Oh, come on. You're a pilot. You're used

to getting high.

>> Yeah, but this grass is muck 12.

>> I haven't heard it called grass since

the 70s.

>> You don't look like a bus guy to me.

>> Oh,

I dare

to show you something.

>> Isn't she a beauty?

>> Judge took it away from me and my

license.

>> I miss her. her.

>> We've been together a long time. You

sort of get uh used to things.

>> Yeah, I suppose you do.

>> But wait, wait. Let me say that again.

>> Oh, no.

>> What? What?

>> You're the

You almost killed half a dozen people

down there.

>> Down where?

>> Oh, come here.

Does that look familiar?

>> You're an idiot.

[Music]

>> I was

an idiot.

>> Was

>> I'm not going to do that again. I don't

want to lose her again.

>> Why is she that important?

>> She's my youth. On the other hand,

if I hadn't lost her, I wouldn't have

found you.

>> That was good. I like that.

>> I retest for my license next week and

I'll be able to take you for a ride.

>> So, you you ever been married?

>> Me? Oh, no. No.

I I think I'm too revolutionary in my

relationships.

As my very bohemian father used to say,

marriage is all about property and

ownership. It has got nothing to do with

love.

And what about love? Where does that fit

in your revolutionary doctrine?

>> You're a very inquisitive man.

I've been in love. Yes. Um,

all great

exciting men. One lasted

a train ride from Paris to Istanbul.

Another one lasted as long as my

assignment in Cairo.

I did a shoot there. A pyramids.

God, that was fun.

Except I got pregnant. You

>> have a child?

>> Mhm.

So, what about you, Top Gun? You ever

been in love?

>> Oh, once.

Third grade.

Laura Swanro.

My desk was right behind hers. And

used to lean in and blow on her ear.

>> How did that work for you?

>> She reported me to the principal.

What?

Why did you do that, Laura? Why did you

>> Wow.

I went out there from I was on a trip.

>> I I should probably call you an Uber.

>> A what?

>> It's a taxi.

Oh, okay. Um,

>> I'll need your address.

>> Hi.

>> Carolyn,

>> come on. Get dressed. I want to show you

something. I'll wait in the car.

[Music]

>> Where are we going?

>> It's a surprise. Is it the tortoises?

>> Come on.

>> Next.

[Music]

Wow.

>> What do you think?

>> Oh my god.

>> Now, I don't know much about cars, so

which one's the best?

>> They're all fantastic. I know, but which

one do you want to drive?

>> Oh, Carolyn, why are you doing this for

me?

>> You did something for me. I do something

for you. That's fair.

>> I don't have my license.

>> Oh, no. It's okay. It's a private track.

You don't need it. Come on, pick one.

>> Oh, pretty.

Get in.

>> Wow.

Wow.

>> What do you think?

>> How did you arrange all this?

>> My friend owns the track.

>> No. Wow. Well, get in.

>> Oh, no. I don't do that sort of thing.

>> No. If you don't get in, I'm not

driving.

>> Okay. Okay.

Just close.

[Music]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Music]

You bad boy rocker.

[Music]

You were great.

>> Oh, I don't know if I can stand on my

own feet.

>> That was beautiful. Just like the old,

only better.

>> Fastest car I ever drove was a Beetle.

[Music]

Thank you.

It's the car or the kiss?

>> Both.

[Music]

Want to try another one?

>> Car kiss.

>> That one.

>> Oh, yes. That one.

Would

you mind to call me an Uber?

>> There's something else I want to show

you.

>> And here we are.

>> Holy Toledo.

>> I have something for you.

Voila.

>> Wow.

>> I thought you said you sold me one.

>> I had two mate and I thought you should

have one.

>> Yeah. You know, I was thinking I like

fast cars. You like tortoises.

>> Oh dear. I think you have the wrong idea

about me.

>> Oh,

how's that?

>> Oh gosh. I don't know. I haven't always

been this old lady.

>> You're not old.

I'm not old. We're young.

>> Just double the age.

>> I'm still trying to figure out what I'm

going to do when I grow up.

>> Well, then

let's not.

In fact, after today, I like fast cars.

>> Oh, wow.

Oh god.

Jesus.

Wait a minute. Let me get my shoes off.

>> You okay?

Here.

[Music]

Sit. Sit.

>> Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah.

[Music]

If my cough lasts more than 4 hours,

call my doctor.

Oh,

>> good morning.

[Music]

Oh,

>> I have to get up.

>> No,

>> I have to open a couch.

>> No, I don't.

>> I did. I did.

>> Wait, wait, wait.

>> I have apples to peel.

>> I know. Just one,

>> one more time.

What color pills are you taking?

>> I didn't take

blue.

[Music]

>> Oh my god.

Victor,

I want to ask you something.

>> I took the test. It was negative.

Not that bad. It's the tortoises. I need

press. I need to raise more money.

I need publicity.

You think you can help me?

>> I'd be honored.

>> Thank you.

Let's go here.

Go away. Go away.

Go away. Go away.

All right. All right.

Oh god. Oh god.

[Applause]

Don't hurt me.

[Music]

[Music]

Oh yeah.

>> Yes.

[Music]

Well, well, if it isn't Victor Martin,

the man who lies in your bed while he

lies to your face.

>> Hi, Amy.

>> Angie,

>> I thought you left town.

>> No, I'm still here. I just I got tied up

with certain issues. You were never

going to call me.

>> No, I Yes, I was going to call you.

>> You're an ass.

>> But like a

[Music]

>> I got it. I got it. Never fear. Victor

is here.

Winner.

Hey, Amy. Angie.

Angie,

I am really sorry I didn't call you. I I

really I really I really meant to call

you. It's just that I got tied up with

some serious issues.

>> Gosh, Victor, are you okay?

>> No, no, I'm fine. I'm fine considering.

But thank you for asking. And and and I

uh I promise you that I will call you as

soon as things get back to to normal.

Thanks. Can I ask you a small favor?

>> Someone stole your car?

>> Yeah.

>> Son of a [ __ ]

>> I hope they find out whoever did it and

string them up by their toes.

>> We had some good times in that car.

>> We sure did. You see that red jeep up

ahead there? You know who Diego Lozano

is?

>> Of course I know. He's an amazing

artist.

>> Amazing. I think he's in that I think

he's in that uh that Jeep.

have a good time.

>> What are you doing?

>> I dropped my wallet.

>> Forget your wallet. He's right there.

>> Victor,

what the hell's wrong with you?

my girlfriend. That's what the hell's

wrong with me.

[Music]

This address quickly.

>> Hey, that's not cheap. You again. I

don't care. Do it. Do it. Do it. And

don't forget the tip this time. Huh?

[Music]

[Music]

Hey, that's my

>> I'll be back in 15 minutes. I promise.

>> Come back here, [ __ ]

[Music]

[Music]

This is perfection.

>> No way.

>> Come here, my dear.

>> Okay. Can't wait.

>> It's so good.

>> Oh, God.

Listen to me. He's pee peeing through

the windows. Either that or he's pissing

in the patunias.

I can't talk right now.

>> Are you with Carolyn?

>> I'm not sure.

>> What do you mean you're not sure? Is she

there?

>> Yes. No. Sort of.

>> Victor, what's going on?

>> Step away from the bushes. Victor, that

you

>> I can't talk to you right now.

>> Oh, hi, Max.

>> What are you doing in the bushes?

>> Looking for my ball. Idle Wild 3.

>> That's what you're doing. Looking for

your ball.

>> I hooked it badly and it came in here

and

there it is.

>> Well, I'll be damned. Idol three.

>> Wasn't this a pleasant surprise?

>> Did I come in?

What's wrong?

>> You

hanging out with Mr. Artis. That's

what's wrong,

>> Diego. H.

>> And that's wrong. How?

>> God damn it, Carolyn. You're completely

naked with another man. That's what's

wrong.

>> Whoa, whoa, whoa. Please don't tell me

you were spying on us. Of

>> course, I wasn't spying on you. playing

golf.

Looking for my ball. Little did I

realize that I'd find you instead naked

with another man. That's what's wrong.

>> Um, I really can't handle this right

now. I need you to leave.

>> Please get out of my cafe.

>> Okay, Dr. Martin will never set foot in

your cuckoo cafe again. Have a nice

life. Thank you very much.

the same to you. But not too nice.

[Music]

Too much woman for one man,

but not enough for two.

[Music]

>> Mom.

Oh, hi.

>> Hi, baby.

>> Hi, Mom.

>> Where you been, mom?

>> Sorry.

>> Wow, you're a little drunk.

>> I

had one glass

>> after another.

Hey,

>> did he dump you?

>> No,

>> I dumped him.

I thought,

>> why did he have to say that? Why did he

>> I I can't stand

jealous

fools.

>> Jealous of who?

>> Diego.

Oh my

good.

Here

[Music]

you go. Put that on.

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

What about left pin?

>> I'll take my chances.

>> You got it.

>> I'll get this.

>> No, it's okay. It's okay. Watch

yourself. Sharp stuff here.

[Music]

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

[Music]

Wait a minute. This where it was.

[Music]

I see him over here.

Let me take a closer look.

>> Just bring her back by midnight.

Otherwise, I keep the deposit.

Now that's a goddamn car.

>> You son of a [ __ ] You're renting out

my car.

>> Oh [ __ ]

>> You can't prove a thing, old man.

>> Well, maybe I can't, but that camera

can.

>> That camera hasn't worked since I

started working here.

>> You little [ __ ]

>> This one works. And it's streaming live

to my friends, the Polyia.

[Music]

[ __ ]

>> All right. All right. You're going to be

fine. Let's get you in a car. Let's get

you in a car. Let's get you in the car.

>> All right.

>> Okay.

>> I I can't I can't breathe. I can't

breathe.

pursuit.

Convertible portion.

>> Pull over to the side.

>> Oh, not good.

Pull over.

Pull over.

He had a heart attack. I'm taking him to

the hospital.

>> Right. Get behind us.

[Music]

>> Health emergency. Heart attack. Need

backup. Heading for Mercy Hospital now.

[Applause]

[Music]

>> Okay, Victor. All right, Victor. Okay,

we got you.

>> You're going to be fine.

>> We got you. It's all right. Everything's

okay. You're going to be okay.

>> All right. Here we go. There we go. Up.

>> That's it.

>> Caroline.

You know when you have that near-death

experience and you have that moment of

clarity? Well, mine was I don't want to

end up like Ted Garvin.

>> That's it. What do you mean that's it?

>> I don't know.

Seems like a near-death experience or

give you more than that.

>> Jesus. All right. How about

I want to end up with Carolyn?

[Laughter]

Wow.

Well, how you going to do that?

>> Well, uh, all right. When does that arts

and crafts class start at your senior

living facility?

>> In about 45 minutes.

>> Take me to my room.

>> All right.

[Music]

Okay.

[Music]

>> What are you doing?

>> Get the Get the What?

>> Get the the Get the thing off.

[Music]

>> What the hell?

>> Help me on with my pants.

>> Okay. What? What? Why you

>> awkward?

>> Huh?

>> Awkward.

>> Awkward. Awkward. Jesus.

>> Feet are climbing.

Yuck. What's yuck? I I did.

>> What are you doing? I got a plan.

>> Uh oh.

>> I'm so sorry. Uh

>> if I may have your attention, please. Uh

unfortunately, Miss Wilson uh couldn't

make it. So, I'm going to be your

interim project coordinator.

There you go.

>> All right.

How many of you uh like tortoises?

Oh, great. That's great. So, let me tell

you what I have in mind.

There you go. Now, you got it. Now, you

got it. Oh, yeah, baby.

>> Come on.

>> That's going to be terrific. That's more

over there.

>> That's wonderful.

>> Yes, sir.

>> Not a turtle.

>> Yes. That's fantastic.

[Music]

Wonderful.

[Music]

>> It's not hard to understand.

>> Smile.

[Music]

>> Lonesome George was the last of the

Pinta Island tortoises. He passed away

on June 24th, 2012.

>> Wait, wait, wait. Galapag

give us a chance. 10 more minutes. Uh,

we're expecting a large crowd. I

promise.

>> Just five more minutes. Yeah.

>> So, when we say save the tortoise, what

we're also saying is save us. All of us,

you, me, our kids, our grandchildren.

Because when we allow a species this

important to a healthy environment to

die out, then we have to ask ourselves,

what's next? Who's next?

Thank you. Thanks a lot.

It was wonderful.

>> Oh, I thought we'd have a bigger

turnout.

>> Yeah. All right.

>> Are you getting this?

>> What's that?

[Music]

>> Hi everyone. I live in the desert and I

don't do much most of the time. It's too

hot out here. So, I dig underground

burrows where I spend a good part of my

life.

I I can live up to 30 years just like a

human. And I grow slow, very slowly.

After many centuries on this earth, I am

now classified as a vulnerable species.

[ __ ]

>> Oh my gosh.

[Laughter]

Miss Summers became our news. Just a few

words about your organization

away from it. Save the tortoises, the

desert tortoises. They're endangered

species and

[Music]

What a disaster.

>> Yeah. Oh, well,

>> let's go home, my friend. Yeah,

[Music]

>> I believe we lose a little bit of our

soul when we lose the natural world.

[Music]

>> Breaking news. KM exclusive today at the

tortoise rally.

>> It just kept going up and up and up and

up.

>> The forecast, plenty of sunshine through

today with seasonal temperatures, strong

southwesterly winds to

>> Come on, baby.

What's up, dude?

>> Hey, dude.

Hey. Hey, dude. Hey, little dude. Hey,

little dude. Huh? Dude,

>> last time I checked, your video had over

a half a million hits. It's blowing up.

>> Is that Is that good?

>> Oh, yes. It means you're a celebrity.

>> It's amazing. It

>> isn't popular.

>> Half a million hits.

>> I thought it was uh

>> You mean it's

>> It's definitely this.

>> It's definitely this.

>> You're the dude.

>> Holy. Thank you.

[Music]

That's it.

It's okay. It's okay.

Make a right hand turn out of a lot.

That's it.

[Music]

Okay.

I'm looking both ways.

I'm looking back.

I'm clear. I've got my turn signals on.

Away I go. I'm clearing. I see a car in

the back. I don't see any more cars. I'm

ready. I'm clear.

>> What are you doing?

>> I'm sorry, Mr. Mips.

I'm sorry.

[Music]

Save the tortoise.

or permit holder, please report to the

front desk.

>> Not sure.

I don't know.

>> Yeah. Do they look good?

>> Yeah,

>> I thought so.

Why is there my coming out?

>> I don't know.

>> Hold on.

>> Yeah. Congratulations.

[Music]

[Applause]

Christmas.

[Applause]

>> What do you say?

[Music]

>> You bet. Look, I got your license back.

I got your car back. The love of your

life. That's That's what I did. I I gave

you your life back.

Fix her

[Music]

No special.

[Music]

No lie.

You're on my mind.

I like the way that you believe in me.

You give me strength and harmony.

And by the way, if I haven't

>> Mom,

>> I'm coming.

Victor.

>> Mom,

>> I believe you've met Sonia. Sonia,

remember Victor?

>> Nice to see you again.

>> Want some strudel?

>> Sonia, would you please get Victor a

piece of strudel?

>> So, did you come here for a reason?

>> Got my license back.

>> I'm not sure I like that.

>> Like to take you for a ride. Would you?

>> So now you want me and the car.

>> Victor, you don't.

>> Enjoy.

>> I'm

>> Oh, are you leaving?

>> Yes.

[Music]

>> Thank you so much.

>> Thank you.

Victor

>> Diego,

>> let me introduce you to Brian, my

husband.

>> Hi, Victor.

>> Hello, Brian. It's a pleasure.

>> He's gorgeous. I know. Listen about that

painting. Almost done.

>> Oh, okay. Thanks.

>> Okay, let's go. See you soon.

See you.

[Music]

>> I've been an idiot again.

>> Yes, you have.

[Music]

I owe you an apology.

>> Shut up, Victor Martin.

[Applause]

>> Hey.

Hi.

>> Looking good.

[Music]

>> How are you?

>> Taurus. Garland. Garland. Taurus.

>> Nice to meet you,

gentlemen.

>> Thank you, Senorita.

What's up, Vic? You want to start her

up? Hold on.

Why don't you do the honors?

>> You serious?

Yeah.

>> You hear that?

>> Just like new.

Yeah.

>> Why don't you take her out for a test

drive?

>> Now you playing with me.

>> No.

>> Why don't you try her?

>> See if you like her.

And if you do, if you're happy, make me

an offer. I'm sure we can come up with a

a payment schedule.

>> Whoa. Now, hold on. This This is your

car, Victor. You know, your baby.

Why would you ever want to sell it, let

alone to me?

>> Cuz I have already found myself, my

baby.

would never be around. Meet her now

under the city lights. She shines big

when I look at. That's why she's my

bright eyes.

Why she's my bright

she's my eyes.

[Music]

Hey,

it's [ __ ]

[Music]

>> Passen your seat belts.

>> There we go.

>> Gosh.

Come on and take a free ride.

Come on in my

free ride.

[Music]

Woohoo.

[Music]

All over the country I've seen the

singing. Nobody's winning at this kind

of game. We got to do better. It's time

to begin. You know all the answers must

come from within. So come on and take a

free ride.

Come on.

Come on and take a free ride.

[Applause]

[Music]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[Music]

Break down.

[Music]

Come on and take a ride.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[Music]

Come on and take a ride.

Yeah. Yeah.

[Music]

Come on. Take a ride.

Yeah.

Come on. Take a ride.

[Music]

Come on. Take a ride.

[Music]

Yo,

[Music]

[Music]

Mhm.

[Music]

[Music]

Everybody

[Music]

Happy new year.

[Music]

[Music]