Original subtitles

You know,

the problem is,

everyone's just so self -absorbed,

you know,

just narcissistic.

You just love the sound of their own voice.

I can see that irony is a term you're not quite familiar with.

Well,

stop it.

I went on a date the other day,

this guy,

and he's just,

I couldn't get a word in.

He just wouldn't shut up.

Yeah,

it's a shame that you don't have somebody to sit there and listen to you,

and all of your ramblings and stories through all kinds of states of sobriety and

inebriation.

You're being sarcastic again.

Me?

Observed.

My love life is a mess.

My job sucks.

My life's a disaster.

Tell me your life's a disaster too.

I'll feel better.

I'm glad that my misery brings you so much happiness.

You know what I mean.

No,

my life is not a disaster.

It is a disaster adjacent.

It's like if a tornado hits the trailer next year's.

You're so good to me,

Ryan.

I know.

I assume you'll be sleeping here on the couch tonight.

Kiss me,

Ryan.

Number one.

Number one.

So I met a guy online,

seems like he's not a complete moron.

Wow!

That's quite the endorsement.

When's the wedding?

Stop!

We've only been in one day,

but he's charming,

and he's funny,

and he's sweet.

Well,

does he have a job?

He's got to have a job,

if this is going to be more than just a hook -up.

Yeah,

that's where he gets a little awkward.

He actually works for the same company that Ryan does.

So I thought you guys were just platonic.

What we are,

but it just seems a little close to home maybe.

Melissa,

my Melissa,

whoa,

you're a Melissa?

You said you were a platonic.

Yeah,

you said you're only interested in girls,

this is you nude photos.

Oh my god,

did she said you nude photos?

No,

we just hit it off on a lunch date.

A little bit of an overreaction,

don't you think?

I just want to fuck her.

I'm not going to propose.

Yeah.

Yeah,

no,

you're right.

Yeah,

that's fun.

Ryan!

What?

Thank you.

I have not had good luck in this place.

Yeah,

one time I was on a date here,

and it just went completely off the rails.

He just like...

Oh my god,

let me cut you off for a second.

I had a similar situation in a bar like this,

not exactly like this one.

I wasn't done talking.

Oh my god,

I'm so sorry.

Okay.

Well,

yeah,

I think I'm just used to my dinner dates with Ryan,

you know.

We kind of have a system.

A system?

Yeah,

I talk,

and then I let him talk,

and he picks up the check.

Oh,

sounds like he might be taking advantage of him,

no?

Oh,

no,

it's just our thing.

We're best friends.

Sounds like maybe you're more than that.

No,

we're completely platonic.

Yeah,

he told me that.

Do you want to get out of here?

You can go back to your place.

You know,

Melissa,

I think you're beautiful.

And I really enjoy tonight,

but I have a confession.

Kind of a douchebag.

And I'm pretty sure Ryan is in love with you.

Um,

I usually split the check,

but tonight it's on me.

See you around.

What?

What the hell?

What are you doing here?

I thought you were in a date with Tommy.

Are you in love with me?

What,

why would you say that?

Tommy told me you were.

Well,

he's lying.

Well,

he also told me that he was a douchebag.

Yeah,

well,

he's right about that,

but he's lying about the other part.

You said we were platonic.

We are.

Are we?

Yes.

No,

I,

I,

I think,

I don't know.

I don't know.

I need to know.

Why did I take you 10 years to do that?

Because you never shit up long enough for me to try.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Come here.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

All right.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

I like that.

You like that.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Yeah,

I've been reading for that.

Oh,

yes.

Oh,

yes.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yes.

Oh,

yes.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Yes,

yes,

yes.

Oh,

yes.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

yes.

Oh,

yes.

Oh,

yes.

Yes,

so good.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

fuck.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

that feels so fucking good.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

fuck.

Oh,

yes.

Yes,

yes.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

fuck.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

fuck.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Yes,

yes,

yes.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

that's it.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

yeah.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Yes,

yes,

yes.

Oh,

my God.

Yes,

yes,

yes.

Oh,

my God.

Yes,

yes,

yes,

yes.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

my God.

Oh,

that feels so good.

I'm gonna do it like that.

Oh,

that's just so good.

Mmm,

oh,

oh,

oh.

Yeah.

Oh,

yeah,

yeah.

Oh,

oh,

oh.

Oh,

my God,

oh that's so much.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh,

yeah,

yeah.

Oh.

Yeah.

Mmm,

are you gonna come?

Yeah.

Oh,

you should come.

Oh.

Oh.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Mmm.

Oh.

Mmm.

Oh.

Oh.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

It's been a long while.

It's been a check for an hour.

Not a chance.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.