Original subtitles

- [banging on glass] - Woody! I see you.

Oh! Hi, sweetie.

Yeah. Oh, me? I… I'm just stretching, doing the-the dead baby bug.

Oh, okay, yeah.

When you're done, can you come inside? Your daughter needs you.

I'll come in. Yeah. Okay.

Fuck.

[parent] We are so sorry, Olive.

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you.

Calling off your engagement, that's a big decision.

Yeah.

- [sobs, sniffles] - [mouthing] Say something.

Sweetheart… [chuckles]

…I just got to tell you, this-this…

this, uh, fiancé of yours, stone-cold moron.

He's a terrible musician, terrible sense of style,

very confusing dancer.

Uh, he always has a hot dog at the movies.

I think in the grand scheme of things, this is a good thing.

Have you tried reaching out to Jimmy? Just to get his perspective?

- [Olive] What? Why? - That's, uh--

[Olive] Oh, yeah. Let's hear what a man has to say.

- [parent] No, that's not what I meant. - Fuck men! Fuck the patriarchy!

Hey, patriarch, what do you have to say?

Um, I think I'm more or less in the way here,

and that I should leave you guys to have a… an important,

uh, you know, girls' weekend.

- I'll just stay out of your way, and, uh… - Wood…

I'm gonna shoot out to see, uh, Matthew.

- Great. - In Austin?

[chuckles] He does live in Austin, so, yeah, uh…

But, uh, you know, he's been hounding me, I told you, to come out there. And, uh…

So, I'll just leave you guys here, you know, for the time being,

and you could maybe do some coconut ice cream

and-and have pillow fights,

and watch the Sisters of the Traveling… movie.

And… And I'll be back. [chuckles]

How is it possible that someone who lives with three women

knows so little about women?

Honestly, you can be very confounding as a gender.

Okay. I think we should all be together

because Olive needs her family now more than ever.

We're saying the same thing. I…

Fuck men, right?

What's even the point of 'em?

- We are going to stay together. - [sniffles]

[inhales deeply, sighs]

[Matthew] "Life is our résumé.

It is our story to tell,

and the choices we make write the chapters.

Can we live in a way where we look forward to looking back?

That's the question."

- Matthew McConaughey, Greenlights. - [sniffs]

Now, look, I do consider myself a bit of a wordsmith, all right?

And the six million copies of my book, Greenlights, can back that case up.

Yet here I am, struggling to write a speech.

To be fair, it's no ordinary speech.

"Ladies and gentlemen. This is a…

Heck, it might just be one of the most important speeches of all time,

to honor my late father's legacy.

Ladies and gentlemen.

"My father was many things.

Cowboy."

Yeah.

"A Texan."

Yep.

"A man."

Oh, for fuck's sake, McConaughey.

It's a fucking after-school special at the Hallmark Card Convention.

Let's just see if we can make it not sound like AI's writing it.

- He's been at this for days now. - [Matthew muttering]

Oh, little girl, you just don't understand the process.

Why don't you just sit back and enjoy the show?

[inhales sharply, exhales heavily]

[groans]

- [Matthew] Inspiration comes… - Dad.

…in the strangest of places…

- and right now, I'm just here… - Big Mac.

- …waiting for it to hit me. - Yeah.

- In the meantime… - Was…

- I just need peace and quiet-- - [horn honking]

["Give A Little Bit" plays]

That Woody?

Greetings, McConaugheys!

- Oh, yeah, River! - Get in here.

- Hey. Uh… Okay. - Oh, hey.

What the hell are you doing here, man? You drove all the way to Texas? What for?

Uh…

[sighs] I just needed time to decompress.

You don't do shit, Woody. Decompress from what?

No, I'm just feeling very compressed.

You know? Like… Truth be told,

Olive is going through a bit of a situation,

- and, uh… - Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

The, uh… The estrogen just flowing through the household

was more than one simple guy like me could bear, right?

So I thought, bring her out to the plains

and let her scare off the coyotes with her wails.

Understood. Hey, listen.

You know you're family, right?

And all of my earthly possessions are yours to share.

- Goes both ways. Except for the bus. - All right.

The thing is, today is not the ideal time to be showing up.

I'm not gonna be much fun for the next 24 hours.

Let me tell you why. Tomorrow morning, I got a pep rally.

We're retiring my dad's jersey.

I've been putting this event together for months, right?

And I got to give the speech, of course, which has to be perfect, right?

But I haven't written it yet. So I got to be head down,

writing from now until tomorrow.

After that, you and I can lollygag and hang out all we want.

But right now, I need 100% focus. Are we cool?

Say no more. And you won't even know we're here.

- Okay. - Just one more thing.

I'm gonna need access to your water line, gas line, gray water clear-out line.

And it would be huge if you had a pellet tray of activated charcoal.

Where am I? In my office.

- In your office. I'll talk to the wife. - There you go.

- Thanks for coming. See you tomorrow. - Okay. I love you, brother.

- So, what's it been? Like a year, right? - Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you really filled out since the last time I saw you.

Oh, you think? Well, thank you very much.

I mean, you've filled out too.

You can't tell a girl that she's filled out.

Oh, no, no. Not like your chest or anything.

I meant, like, your whole body, like in a body-positive kind of way.

No, I'm just fucking with you.

[chuckles]

Oh, no. Totally, obviously. That's what I thought.

And that's good 'cause I love being fucked with.

I'm… I'm a total fuckboy.

Hmm.

Dude, I know that you're working,

but on the way into town,

we found some gourds by the side of road.

And I ask you,

what is better for creativity than gourd soup?

All right. Thank you, buddy. [clicks tongue]

[typing]

[whispering] My dad…

All right. [grunts, groans]

[clears throat]

[smacks lips] Mmm.

Mmm. Thank you.

And if you find any hairs in it,

that's just from the raccoons who were fighting over it when we pulled over.

All right. Thanks, buddy. [smacks lips]

Okay, buddy.

[grunts]

[breathes deeply]

How's the speech going?

It's going all right. Easing my way into it,

walking down memory lane, getting in the zone.

I mean, you're lucky you got all those, uh, great memories of your dad.

- All I got is a couple of mug shots… - [typing continues]

…and a heart-shaped cigarette burn he gave me.

This is a nice desk. Mahogany?

[bell rings]

I'm hungry.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Thanks for stopping by, man.

[sighs] Man, I gotta be honest.

I have never felt so out of my depths with the women in my life.

I got to be honest, that's kind of how I'm feeling with this speech.

I want it to be so damn perfect,

my analysis seems to be suffering from a paralysis.

Well, I'm sure he'd be proud of whatever it is you…

What do you got so far? Let me be your sounding board.

"What can I say about a man like Big Mac?"

That's all I got so far.

I've done 50 drafts, but I can't seem to find my way in, man.

Which is why you and your gourd soup, all right,

- need to give me some quiet time. - [chuckles] You know what?

- I know what your problem is. - Oh, you do?

You're constipated.

No, sir. Dropped a deuce this morning.

- I'm doing just fine in that department. - I'm not talking about constipated here.

I'm talking about constipated here.

You don't even know how fucking lucky you are

that the universe dropped me into your path on this very day.

Because I know what you need.

You need to get thrown off balance.

No, what I need is the solitude to find my monologue, buddy.

All right? When I do that, then I can write the dialogue.

No, you need to dialogue with me in order to maybe find your monologue.

Woody, with all due respect,

would you please get the fuck out of my office?

Or, we both get the fuck out of your office and get one drink.

- No. It's not gonna happen. - That is gonna happen.

No, it's not gonna happen.

- Yes, it is. Come on. - I gotta write this. Come on.

[chuckles] Okay, have it your way.

Bye, Woody. Love you, Woody.

[sighs]

"My dad had a dick as big as Texas."

[sighs]

This is a high school audience, McConaughey. [chuckling]

What are you fucking doing? [inhales sharply]

[sighs]

[inquisitive music plays]

What?

Woody?

- One drink. - That's all I want is one drink.

- I'll get Joy to call us an Uber. - I'll be back.

[Woody] Hey, Joy had her doubts. Turns out, Uber Pool is Uber Cool.

- You at the game! [chuckles] - Yeah! [screams]

- Are you really Matthew McConaughey? - Yes, I am.

Oh. Would you sleep with my girlfriend?

No, I will not.

Oh. [chuckles]

- Can I tell people that you did though? - No, you cannot.

Woody? Can I…

Yeah, uh, tell them what you want.

Just make me sound cool. [chuckles]

- Thank you, Mr. Harrelson. - Hey, Wood.

I thought we were going to Whistler's. We should have been there 15 minutes ago.

We were going to Whistler's,

but then Tanner knows a spot that's just a little ways up.

All right, well, what's a little ways?

Thirty, 40, hour tops, man.

Definitely more than an hour.

- [Woody chuckles] - [sighs] Okay, here we go.

Hey, dude, sometimes you gotta travel to get to a cool spot.

- I mean, just enjoy the ride, man. - Yeah.

[coughs, groans]

Hey, you mind if we kill the AC?

- I don't fuck with Freon. - No, Wood. No, do not kill the AC.

I-I need it back here. It's hot.

You know who else is really hot?

Mother Earth.

She's parched and dying

because the ozone layer's been depleted because of this vehicle's Freon abuse.

You can close the vent on your side.

Now that's not really the point, is it, Tanner?

- Please don't touch that knob. - Yeah, no, I'll touch this knob.

Do not kill the AC.

When you tell me not to touch that knob, it makes me want to touch all the knobs.

And now it's not even about the fucking Freon.

- [Tanner] What the fuck, man? - Hey, man, don't hit my hand.

He asked you not to touch his knob, dude.

- [Matthew] Fuck, man. - I'll touch any knob I want, dude.

- Don't touch that. - It's your brother's car.

- Motherfucker, you're getting no stars! - Don't touch that!

What the fuck, man?

- He's gonna spew! [chuckles] - [gags]

Tanner. Tanner!

- Unlock the child lock. - Get off me, man.

Unlock the fucking child lock.

[horn honking]

[Tanner] I hate you, Matthew McConaughey!

What the fuck, man?

[Woody] Fucking climate deniers.

[Matthew sighs] Still no service.

Well, you're a real ass-half-empty type of guy, ain't you?

You mean "glass-half-empty"?

No, I mean ass-half-empty. That's the saying.

No, it's not. What does that even mean?

Well, what the fuck is a half-empty glass?

Empty of what?

The point is, the night is gonna take us where it's gonna take us.

You need to just let go.

Let the universe universe. Stop trying to control every little thing.

Dude, just because I'm trying to have some semblance of a speech

for my dad's ceremony tomorrow morning,

does not mean I'm trying to control everything. [scoffs]

Boy, this would be a good place to shoot a horror film.

Yeah. I kinda feel like we're already in one.

[tense music plays]

Fuck.

I let my kidnapping insurance lag.

If things go sideways, you take out the big guy, I'll run for help.

You zig, I'll zag. I'm better at zagging.

Hey! Bud, do you mind giving us a ride into town?

Of course. Hop in.

[Matthew] Wait a second, man, I know you.

You're TMZ, man.

This guy… This guy is TMZ.

You were outside my kid's school the other day, man.

You-You following us?

Yeah, I've been following you guys.

Hey, but I was definitely five feet away from that fence at your kid's school.

Always respectful.

Ah. Gentleman. Let's go.

Dude, I'm not riding with TMZ.

Would you rather walk?

Thanks for the ride, dude.

Yeah, it's my pleasure, man.

You guys mind if I, uh, record everything you say and post it on TMZ online later?

- Sure, why not? - Yes, we do.

- Oh, yeah. No, don't do that. - [phone buzzes]

Damn. I just got a possible Joe Rogan sighting.

I heard a rumor he might run for governor.

[groans] I got nothing against Joe Rogan, but he's a Jersey boy.

Texans want a real Texan in the mansion.

[Woody] Ah, hear, hear!

[Matthew] Hey, you know who always talked about running for office?

My dad. He would've been a great governor.

You always knew where you stood with him.

And, you know, he'd say, "Come hell or high water,

if I tell you I'm gonna walk through the door with you,

I'm gonna walk through the door with you."

I like that right there.

That's good. Putting that in my speech.

And the man is in his flow state.

Oh, uh, hey, y-you mind if we take a detour?

[TMZ member] I love a detour. Where we going?

- ["Ramblin' Man" playing on radio] - Hey, will you turn that up?

"Ramblin' Man." That's my dad's favorite song.

Maybe this is a sign from the universe. Okay, let's make this count.

Daddy used to say, "Wherever I hang my hat, that is my home."

And the world… the world would welcome him.

And that was Big Mac even to this day.

Because sages don't die, they just fade away.

All right, homies. We're here.

Save.

That's it, buddy.

- [chuckles] - My opus.

That's everything I ever wanted to say about my dad.

Thank you for getting me out.

All right, get my ass home. I need some sleep.

No, no. There's plenty of time for sleep, but me and Jesus,

we made this pit stop for a reason. You trust me?

- No. [chuckling] Oh, God. - Okay, come on.

- All right, my man. Come on. - [Matthew grunting, groaning]

[crowd cheering, clamoring]

[upbeat music plays]

[rodeo announcer on speakers]

- You son of a bitch. - [chuckling]

[rodeo announcer] …a lot more exciting bull riding for you here tonight.

Our next rider is from Lockhart.

He recently won money in his hometown rodeo, and…

Jackpot rodeo.

[rodeo announcer] And here we go!

Jackpot rodeo.

[stammers] My dad used to ride here, man.

That's why I brought you here. He was a champion bull rider.

- Yeah, you're damn right he was. - [chuckles]

Me and Ma Mac came down here one time to watch him ride.

I mean, I always wanted to ride like him, right?

So, I went to get on a bull,

and Ma Mac has me by the back of the hair and says,

"No way you're gonna take a chance messing up

your future moneymaker, young Matthew."

- [chuckles] - [announcer] All right, our next rider

is getting settled in…

Well…

Ma Mac ain't here now, is she?

["Crazy Train" plays]

- [chuckles] Nah, dude. - [chuckles]

You think?

I think.

[horse whinnies]

- Fuck it. - [chuckling] Fuck it.

Fuck it.

[announcer] And next up, the biggest bull in the ring, the Guv'Na.

- Wallet. - [Woody] Got it.

The holy grail. Guard this with your life.

- Of course. Of course. - All right. [exhales deeply]

I'm ready.

[music continues]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hit it.

[crowd cheering]

- [groaning] - [announcer] He took quite a fall there.

- [Woody] Matthew! - [announcer] He's not getting up.

- [grunts] - Hyah! Hyah!

- [grunting] - Buddy. Come on.

[grunting, panting]

- You all right? - [exhales deeply]

- [both whooping] - [announcer] He's okay, folks.

[cheering]

- [chuckling] - Yeah!

Holy shit!

- You're a bull rider. - How's my face? Huh?

- Good. It's still there. - You know how I did? I go eight seconds?

- At least. [chuckles] - [whoops]

It's a natural fucking high, man. Give me my phone.

- Phone. Phone. - Oh, no, no, no. It's here, it's here. I…

It's around. Excuse me.

Hang on. I dropped it in the ring.

Oh, here we go.

Uh, okay. We might have a little situation.

You think… You think we can put this in rice or something?

What the fuck, man? My speech was on there.

I… Is it in the cloud?

No. It's not on the cloud.

There's no reception. It was a draft.

Okay, but you wrote it. Well, you can rewrite it, yeah?

No, I can't rewrite it, dude. It doesn't work like that.

I-It wrote itself, man.

It came down from my father in the heavens, man.

I was in the zone. I can't rewrite it.

Dude, I have always said why do they put pockets on shirts?

- They're so incompetent, you know? - This is… This is typical, man.

- What do you mean? - How do you make such a simple,

straight line so fucking crooked?

Dude, a bull stepped on it. He didn't do it on purpose.

See, it's shit like that.

You know? Man, I love you, bud.

I do, man, but I should be home right now.

Next to my beautiful wife in my beautiful bed,

getting beautiful rest before I give a beautiful fucking speech.

But no, man, you don't care about that.

- I do. - No, you don't.

You breeze into town uninvited and you make it all about you.

Mr. Go-With-The-Flow. As long as it's your flow.

Dude, I got you out of your head.

No. This is what you got me, man.

Hey, and don't pretend that you came to see me

out of the goodness of your own heart because you didn't.

Anytime there's a sign of trouble, you can't deal.

You were having family trouble,

and you just run away just like you always do.

- Fuck you, Matthew. - Fuck you, Wood.

Eight seconds, man.

Can you take care of my phone? Eight fucking seconds.

[Woody] Eight seconds? You didn't even last one!

That was a low blow, Wood. I'm sorry.

Woody, come on, man. Let's go home.

[Woody] I'll find my own way home.

[vehicle approaching]

Think we can make it to the school by 8:00?

Ooh, that's gon' be tight.

Ah. [mutters]

Hey, one of y'all have a phone I can borrow?

I-It's loud. I can't hear… Where are you?

I mean, we're all leaving to the rally now.

Ew, something smells like shit.

[horn honks]

I love you. We'll see you there.

What happened last night? And why aren't you and Matthew together?

Val, I respect you too much to tell you

that your husband is a fucking raging asshole.

So, I'm not gonna do that.

Harrelsons, let's go. We're out of here.

[Joy] Woody, we need four hours to charge the solar first.

- [marching band music playing] - [cheering]

[sighs] Any idea where Matthew is?

- He's on right after the cheerleaders. - Yeah, I'm sure he's close by.

[sighs, mutters]

Ms. Lucy, I hope your chicken wins that blue ribbon.

[grunts] Hey, Trishan. How about a ride, bud? [groans]

Alpha One is landing.

Come on. Come on.

Cue the intro. Cue the intro.

[upbeat music plays on speakers]

[announcer] Give a boot scootin' welcome to Austin's own Matthew McConaughey!

Matthew McConaughey?

[Matthew straining] Ah, there we go.

[crowd cheering]

[announcer] Give a boot scootin' welcome to Austin's own Matthew McConaughey.

[Matthew] Thank you.

Hey, everybody.

[exhales deeply] Okay. I just made it.

Sorry about being late. Uh…

Hey, E-Ernesto, can we cut that spotlight and just turn on the main light?

There we go, thank you.

Hey, here we are.

Um, again, sorry I'm late.

I had a… had a… had a bit of a wild night.

Um, you could say I had kind of a-a Big Mac night actually.

You know, my dad, he was the kind of guy who'd walk out the door for a quick errand

then maybe not make it back home for six days.

[laughing]

[chuckles] Yeah. Not 'cause, you know,

he'd forget or he was being irresponsible or whatever,

but just because he was the kind of man

that would stop to help somebody fix their truck, you know?

Greet, meet and hang out with a stranger until who knows when.

The kind of guy who would head out with a friend and…

and just see where the…

the hunch took 'em.

Yeah, last night did not go as planned.

Trust me, I had this thing coordinated to the second.

I had a slideshow, we had fireworks.

We had it timed, I'd come out the back in the spotlight.

I had a great speech written and all that's out the door.

And who cares?

[contemplative music plays]

Because I'm here now with you,

my family, in the place where my dad, Big Mac,

learned to take a hit.

Where he learned to put it all on the line for the… the guy next to him.

I got a friend like that.

He does that for me.

I hope y'all do too.

We're here in the place where my dad

learned to become a man, a father and a Texan.

And I miss him. [chuckles]

Love you, Dad.

And go Boot Scooters.

[cheering]

Hey, look at that. Just like we choreographed.

[cheering]

Little early to start drinking, huh, Ma Mac?

[Ma Mac] Weren't you just leaving?

This isn't a drink. This is my morning coffee and Kahlúa.

There's barely any vodka in here.

[sighs] I… I'm-I'm surprised you ain't at the Big Mac celebration.

Well, you know,

there's a way people want to remember things

and there's a way things really were.

Let me tell you something.

If it weren't for me, Matthew would just be some half-naked,

oiled up background dancer at the Magic Mike show in Vegas.

[chuckles]

Well, I will say he loves you the most.

It's just boys and their fathers.

Yeah. Boy…

Boys and their fathers. You got that right.

You know, I can't help but wonder if I'd have been a better parent

if I'd had a better role model than, uh, Clive V. Harrelson,

- prisoner number 57382, you know? - Uh-uh,

you just listen here to me for a minute.

Ain't no one all good or all bad.

I knew your daddy.

He had his qualities.

Of course, truth to tell, first sign of trouble… [chuckles]

…he would always just scamper off.

You know, like you're doing now.

You knew my… Ma-Ma Mac, I've known you 25 years.

You're just now telling me that you knew my dad?

Well, I mean, it's not that…

It's not that I was advertising.

It happened during one of mine and Big Mac's divorces.

I think it… Oh, I think it was the second one.

Yeah, it happened then. Yeah.

What happened?

Did you and my father have sexual relations?

Shit, Woodrow, I-I can't believe you.

What happened to your manners?

This is not the kind of conversation you initiate with a woman of quality.

It's just that, you know, maybe it's not a total coinkydink

that you and Matthew are always scrapping like brothers.

That's all I'm saying. That's… And that is all I'm saying.

[Woody] Oh, my God.

Are you… Are you saying that possibly Big Mac wasn't Matthew's dad?

Who said anything like that to you?

- I think you're confused. - Ma Mac.

I need a real drink.

[sniffs] I think you've had quite enough of this.

Ma Mac, where are you going?

Wha… Are you saying that me and Matthew…

[Ma Mac] Don't worry about it, Woody.

Woody!

- [gasps] - [Olive] What the hell was that?

- Matthew! - Oh, my God. Is he dead?

- [Joy] Oh, my God. - No, I don't think so.

[stutters] Just wait on the bus.

[pants] Matthew.

[groans] Oh.

- Matthew. Yeah. - Wood, hey. Buddy,

I owe you an apology. Hey, look at me.

I've been in a bit of a rut lately, okay?

Remember yesterday, I told you I was having a rough day?

Well, that's bullshit, man. I've been having a rough year.

I'm the same age as my dad was when he died and I don't know, man.

It's been fucking with my head.

So, I apologize.

[breathes deeply]

I apologize too. Yeah, you know,

- Ma Mac, uh, said something to me-- - [stammers] Can I… Can I finish?

- Okay, but I-- I need to-- - It's just one more. I know, I know.

But last night, buddy, the universe…

it spoke to me, man.

My purpose has never been more clear than it is right now.

I'm gonna run for governor.

Are you fucking high?

I've never been more clear in my life.

- I know. - Listen to me.

And I'm gonna need you to stay here with me.

I'm gonna need you by my side on the campaign trail, okay?

You're the one that got me to see. You're the secret ingredient.

You're one of the only people I can trust, man.

You and Val are the two people in my life that always shoot me straight.

And call me on my bullshit.

And that will never keep something from me.

And I'm gonna need as much of that as I can get on this governor run.

I'm gonna shoot you straight now,

- I'm a fucking anarchist… - Yes.

…and I think this is the stupidest, craziest fucking idea you ever had.

- Exactly. - [chuckles]

That's what I'm talking about, man. And this… Look at me, look at me.

[sighs]

I need you, brother.

[spits]

What do you say?

You…

Ah, fuck it. [spits]

[saliva squishes]

[chuckles] We're gonna do this. We're gonna fucking do this.

Thank you. Now, listen. What were you saying about Ma Mac?

Oh. [chuckles]

Um…

Well, I-I-I… [sighs]

I-I don't know if this is the ideal time to--

This is the perfect time for whatever. I can handle anything.

Okay, well, I think Ma Mac, um…

And this is not 100% sure…

I think Ma Mac might have a drinking problem.

Oh, shit, man.

She's had that since before I was born.

[chuckling] Oh, yes. I love you.