Original subtitles

Promise me.

I promise you, I'll search the entire galaxy to find out who poisoned your entree.

It's the least I can do.

Now that I know you're my... mother.

Whoa, Muscle Man, are you crying?

Yes, I'm crying.

I'm feeling deep emotions and they're expressing themselves physically on my face.

It's part of what makes me a man.

Ugh.

Are you guys watching Laser Hunters?

Why is everybody at the station addicted to it?

Yeah, it's so cheesy.

Oh, get over yourselves.

This show is a cultural phenomenon.

It's ending next week.

Give it a chance.

Mmm.

I don't know.

Brick, yes?

Mother never wanted us to meet, but now that she's gone, I can tell you,

I'm your identical twin, Angelo.

Whoa.

Okay, maybe we can give it a shot.

That was really good.

Dude, we gotta catch up before the finale next week.

How many seasons are there?

Eight.

If you start watching now, you just barely have enough time to catch up.

But only if you use this mayonnaise jar as a toilet.

Thanks.

Dude, weren't we supposed to do something for Benson before we walked in here?

Uh, vacuum the floors?

But we could put that off till later.

You're probably right.

No, Mr. President, don't open that birthday present!

Whoa!

Bruce, you did it!

You watched 168 hours of Laser Hunters, and you're just in time for the finale!

Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, so many questions.

Like, what was the deal with the space lizard cold open?

Was Brick's cousin Salsa in the safety deposit box?

Why was there a squid in the percolator?

Where'd the hollow tape that tipped off the kernel?

Not so dumb anymore, is it?

And now, finally, the finale will answer all our questions!

Yes!

Mordecai and Rigby.

Oh, hey, Benson.

We were just about to watch the Laser Hunters finale.

No, you're not.

Because you and Mordecai are going to go vacuum the floors in the house right now.

Just like I told you to a week ago!

Aw, Benson.

Can't we just vacuum after?

Now.

The house is all the way on the other side of the station!

Don't care.

The finale will be over by the time we get back!

Go.

How are we going to get back here without hearing spoilers?

Go vacuum the house!

Whoa, tough break, guys.

Whatever shall you do.

You want me to record it for you so you can watch it later?

Give me the tape.

I just hope they can make it back before they hear any spoilers.

This is gonna work.

Yeah.

The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can watch that tape.

Oh no, Laser Hunters is ending right now, dude!

Dude, don't panic.

We got some time before we're at risk of spoilers.

Bros!

Bros!

You won't believe how Laser Hunters ends!

Operation Hear No Evil, phase one!

Bros!

Bros!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Here it is.

Operation Hear No Evil.

Everything you need to avoid spoilers.

Two years ago, the ending of the Carter and Briggs movie was spoiled for us.

And what did we vow, Rigby?

That it would never happen again!

That it would never happen again.

Okay.

Step one.

Go off the grid.

Phone.

Whoa!

You could've just turned them off!

I mean, either way.

What's step two?

Headphones.

Okay.

Step three.

Get to the tape!

What?

We have to go back to the barracks for the tape!

Oh yeah.

And remember, everybody and their brother's gonna be talking about this!

So we gotta get there as fast as we can!

Got it!

Guys?

Guys?

Where are they?

I don't know the answer to that question.

Bro.

But I can tell you that these floors have not been vacuumed.

I see.

How does it end?

What?

Laser hunters.

I'm gonna ruin it for them.

But... How does it end?

Dead.

Who.

cares?

How about that?

Never saw that coming in a million years!

The batteries must be dead!

What do we do now?

Operation Hear No Evil Backup Plan.

Earplugs!

Blah!

Blah!

Ha!

It's.

not the texture so much, it's the smell.

Oh, hey Benson.

What are you doing here?

I'm waiting here so I can spoil the laser hunters finale for Mordecai and Rigby.

Why do you wanna spoil it?

It's gonna totally ruin their day!

Oh, boo hoo hoo!

You know my day was ruined when Rawls got on my case about getting the dome in shape?

Vacuuming the house was the last step!

Mordecai and Rigby don't take anything seriously.

I mean, we're supposed to take the dome out on our own soon.

Spoiler alert for our mission, we fail out there!

We fail spectacular!

Really?

Fine!

I'm glad we're in the air ducts!

The acoustics in here are perfect for spoilers!

Nothing but net.

You catch that finale, Sally?

I couldn't believe Zoltar's bones were in the...

What.

now?!

In case of emergency, get to a safe room!

If we loop back to the barracks, we can lock Benson out!

Hey!

Whoa!

Ow!

Sorry, we're just burying them!

Excuse me.

Have you seen two idiots?

It's very important that I spoil laser hunters for them.

Spoilers, huh?

That's cold.

You know, I used to teach quantum physics.

Then my brother-in-law spoiled the Egg Baby Bonanza finale for me.

I tell you, I fell into a pit of despair.

Quit my job, lost my house, rolled a big rock down the hill onto my brother-in-law.

Well, just made some bad choices.

Now I sweep up trash for scraps like a gutter urchin.

Because of those spoilers, I have nothing.

That's perfect!

So have you seen them?

Yeah, right over there.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

I live in that!

Oh, my God!

What's this?

Whoa!

Huh?

Get ready.

You're gonna hear this spoiler.

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

Huh?

And now for the losers who've missed it!

Here are all of the best scenes from the laser hunters finale!

Hurrah!

Ah!

Spoilers!

Where do we go?

Shortcut!

Shortcut!

Get ready... Dump!

Oh!

I think I'm really hurt... No time!

Vlogging barracks!

We're safe.

Let's do this.

Yes, finally.

I just wanted the carpets vacuumed.

Oh!

Pack it up, guys!

You failed.

Hey, buddy.

Let's not do anything rash.

All those hours spent planning and planning and running away from me.

All that time and energy wasted on Operation Here No Evil.

Now I'm gonna spoil laser hunters once and for all.

No.

Benson's not gonna do that to us.

And why is that?

Cause you don't know the last phase of Operation Here No Evil.

Oh, give it up.

You and I both know there's nothing in that backpack that's gonna change my mind.

Not even... The finale of Dr. Whiskers M.D.

Okay, wait.

Let's not do anything we'd regret.

Dude, what?

Oh, just Benson's favorite show.

He was binge watching it right before we left Earth, but...

I never got to see the finale.

Wait, so what's on the tape?

The last ten seconds of that finale.

Dr. Whiskers' big reveal.

Mornikai?

It's up to you, Benson.

Let us watch the laser hunters finale in peace, or we spoil your cat show.

You're bluffing.

And so, after months of unbelievable twists and turns, I will finally reveal

whose paws were behind the murders of the Calico Crew!

No!

Stop it!

Stop!

Truce?

Truce.

You can vacuum the floors after you watch the finale.

Whoa!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

We did it, dude!

It's happening!

The laser hunters finale!

You get to the part where the fever dies yet?

No!

Dude, I told you to lock the door!

Whoops, my bad.

Seriously, though, that ending's almost as good as the end of Dr. Whiskers' MD.

Can you believe Fuzzmeister Fuzzball killed the Calico Crew?

Oh-ho-ho!

Well, bye!

Oh-ho-ho!

Well, bye!

We'll see you next episode!

Bye!