Original subtitles

Why doesn't he split?

No, he's much too cool for that.

A little switch.

Just so the bad guys win in the end.

The man marked D for David.

Uncle Luigi says he's the one who posed as the FBI man.

What do you mean my husband and I are being impersonated by two police

officers? You people have got a lot of nerve using hard names.

It's not easy to explain. Listen, I'm going to tell you something now you

never thought you'd hear from these lips.

Yeah? Go put your clothes on.

Grant unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May he

rest in peace. Amen.

And may his soul and the souls of all the faithful departed, to the mercy of

God, rest in peace.

Rest in peace.

You know, if I didn't have this arthritis, I would be down there helping

them to carry them out.

I sure know you would, Uncle Eugene.

That's the least I can do for him. I owe it to him. You know why? Because when I

was wounded in the trench,

During the Oregon offense, who do you think carried me?

Mr. O'Malley. O'Malley?

Uncle Luigi.

Why did we sit up here? Why couldn't we sit downstairs with everybody else?

Because that's where O'Malley and me used to sit every Sunday.

Where we needed or not.

What a night. I'll never forget it. I thought we would never make it.

But we made it. We beat those Hunts, I'm telling you. Uncle Luigi,

I'm sure you don't mind that I can't go with you to the cemetery, huh?

I got to get back to the office. I got a lot of work to do.

Don't worry. Don't worry. It's all right.

O'Malley's son-in-law, Silverstein, he's a doctor, Silverstein. They tell me he's

a very good doctor, you know. He's a big shot.

He said he's going to take me to the cemetery and then to my house. Good.

The car, did you see that? That's no car.

It's a living room. It's a fantastic looking thing, you know. It's great.

And this way you don't have to ride with me.

You think I'm going to have a nephew talk to an uncle the way you talk to me?

What are you talking about? You want me to retire in an old fossil house?

Well, O'Malley went when he was 80, didn't he? Didn't he go into a home when

he was 80? He told you it was very nice. You told me that yourself. He said it

was very nice.

I said, I said, I said it was all right for O'Malley, but not for me. Watch your

step.

O'Malley's not Italian. What does he know about food?

God rest his soul. He knows nothing about food, but I do, because I like to

cook. That's why.

I told you, Mrs.

Tedesco says she's got a fantastic place for her aunt. They've got a great

Italian kitchen. You have to understand that I want to eat the food when I want

to eat, if I want to eat, why I want to eat. I want to be free. You are free.

No, no, no, no, because I have to tell them when I come in.

The money that I got in the bank, and you know that I got it. I can take care

of anything.

I could even take care of you.

You're getting soft, you know? Yeah, I'll give you soft. You better watch

yourself. Don't take any wood nickels. Yeah, and don't do anything I wouldn't

do, right?

Wise guy.

Huh?

And that's not for you.

It's for my girlfriend, Sergeant Pepperoni.

How is she, when I call her Pepperoni?

How is she? Is she okay?

She's fantastic.

I don't know why, but she seems you're in love.

This jackal, look at the way it fits. Looks like you got a bag of

marshmallows. What do they give you, a baseball bat with that, huh?

Go on. All right, I'll see you soon.

She's got the armor for a poker, huh?

Bring him down.

Okay, keep those arms, keep them up straight.

Okay.

I'm sorry, sir, but mails aren't committed in this section of the spa.

It's okay, I know, Sergeant.

I'm looking for Purple Anderson.

Okay, just get on with it.

That's the police commissioner's daughter.

Excuse me.

Can't you read that sign outside? It says women only.

Well, that's female chauvinism. That's the word for it.

How come we never see action like this around the office?

How come you never just pick up the phone and call me when I'm at the gym?

Listen, I'm gonna tell you something now you never thought you'd hear from these

lips.

Yeah? Go put your clothes on.

That's new.

What's happening?

We gotta get to the airport.

Janicek took an earlier flight than he had booked himself on.

We gotta get out there so we can serve him those little papers.

Let's go. I haven't been on the vibrator yet.

That reminds me, Uncle Luigi sent you a little something. What?

Excuse me.

He asked you to do that?

He sends his love. And you think he's ready for the old folks home?

All your horses.

Everything on there, I make a cup of coffee, somebody's always ringing the

bell. Yes, yes, just one minute. All right.

Yes. Mr. Louis Conchetto? Yes.

Charles Franklin's my name, FBI.

FBI?

And I am Mario Zetta.

Zetta, the Italian.

I am Italian, too, you know.

Oh, very nice. Won't you come in, gentlemen, please? Oh, this is charming.

Would you want some money, Seth? It's homemade.

No, it's back in the old days. Some espresso?

Thank you. No, no, no. I am one of the vice presidents of the Baines Savings

and Loans. Oh, that's my bank. That's where I do business. Yes, sir.

Kravsal, sir. Does that name mean anything to you?

Kravsal.

I call him Lenny. I can't pronounce his last name. The wife I give birth to, to

two boys.

That's the one. He's a nice fellow. He's the teller at the bank. Yes, I know, I

know. Leonard Kravtsov. I'm afraid I have some... disquieting

news for you.

Oh, no.

The officers of the bank, with the help of the Bureau, are in the unhappy

position of having to investigate Mr. Kravtsov.

Why?

Well, there's a strong possibility that he has been embezzling some of the

funds.

Even possibly some from your own account, senore.

My money?

You think he's imbecile? He take my money out of the bank?

Oh, no.

If it is true, you will get all your money back. Every penny. I promise it.

But we need your help.

$18,643 plus interest, my life saving. Mr. Seda, I want to know about my money.

Exactly. Now, what the FBI wants you to do is to come with us now.

Go down to the bank. We will wait while you close out your account.

All the money?

This will help with the FBI?

Yes, sir.

Every penny. And in cash.

Are you sure you want to do this?

This is all your money. Every cent you've got, Mr. Conchero. It's my money.

My every cent. Just like you say, Mr.

Casanova. You put the money right in here.

Now. Don't let me erase my voice.

You get the cash just like it says in the slip.

Get the money and count every cent in front of my very eyes.

But I really don't think that you should get it.

Crowley, yeah.

Hey.

No,

of course your nephew's here. I'm always working hard.

What's up?

Guess who work with the FBI today?

I don't know. Who?

Fanny Fox?

Elizabeth Ray? I don't know. Tell me. I work with the FBI.

We catch a crook at my bank. How do you like them apples?

What are you talking about?

This bank teller, you know, he imbecile, he imbecile all of my money from the

bank. Well, and these two men, one very distinguished from the bank and the FBI,

they come here to talk to me and... And they ask you to withdraw your money from

the bank while they investigate it? That's what happened. Hey, that's the

way you catch a crook, methodically.

You come right away, huh?

We'll have una celebrazione and we do something that you like, okay?

Yeah, I'll come right over, Uncle Luigi.

But I think I just lost my appetite.

You know, you people, I don't think you hear me too good.

I said seita.

Mario seita.

Seita. Uncle Luigi, what does seita mean in Italian, huh?

Silk, right?

Okay, now look, these con guys, they're very shrewd. They're clever.

They get their kicks out of leaving their trademark on their work.

A guy becomes Italian, so he changes his name from silk to seita.

Golly. Hey, Randy, come in.

This is Randy Carroll from our bunco division. This is my uncle, Mr.

Conchetti. Uh, Mr. Concetto, about what's happened, I'm very sorry.

Hello, Mr. Sorry. Meet the Mr.

Stupido.

Is that the picture?

Yeah, this is Chamberlain. He's slick and he's fast.

I think he's our man.

Luigi, come here. I want you to look at this.

Come on, now, look at this. Take a minute.

Come on, look at that.

Is that the guy who took your money?

No. Huh?

This is not the man.

Well, the man that I said to you before is much older. He's got the mustache,

distinguished. He's Italian. This guy's a crook.

This is not the man.

Okay, I'll take you home, Uncle Rich.

No, no, no. You give this to the young lady and say thank you very much, and

you'll be alone.

Hey, Crowley.

Just got word from intelligence. He's working.

What's working?

Chamberlain and two of his helpers have just flown up to Bradford Springs.

Oh, yeah?

Got a reservation at the Ray Hotel, booked as Mr.

Samuel Ingersoll Leonard Kent. Can you believe it?

I believe the initials, S-I-L-K.

Yeah, now he's got his front money, so I'm all set to move.

Hey, Randy.

Count Pep and me in on this thing, will you?

I got a personal score to settle. I'll clear with Parks.

Great. Yeah.

Now I got to work out the money angle, but I'll sweat that. Don't you worry

about that.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I've got to find myself a wife fast.

We've set Chamberlain up to be on the lookout for a Mr. and Mrs. Collins, rich

and classy.

Rich and classy. What about Mary Lou up in R&I? That's a classy time. No way.

She's got a husband.

I was kind of thinking of Kate Lindsay, works at Vice.

You know her?

I know her.

Pretty girl.

Very efficient.

Yeah, very efficient.

And pretty.

And single.

Yeah.

Single.

Yeah, well, um... But very efficient.

Yeah, I said that.

See ya.

And single.

Mr. and Mrs. Larry Collins?

That's right.

From Coos Bay, Oregon.

Oh, yes. We got your wire. I'm sorry there are no suites available at the

moment. Only choice doubles.

See what you can do, okay?

See, this is our second honeymoon, and there's nothing too good from a bride

here. I'm sorry, Mr.

Collins. There's nothing else available.

Oh, great.

First, my luggage gets lost on a flight.

Darling, we can't fight fate. The man said a double. We settle for what he's

got. And don't worry about clothes.

I'll buy you a bikini.

Thanks a lot. I need a dress.

First things first. We'll take it.

Room 408, please.

Yeah, you heard me right, Glenn. I said a foul.

On to Copo and the third to show. One foul.

Pepper, don't take so many shots. You're wasting film. I just got one row left.

Why didn't you buy some more?

I didn't have my credit cards with me.

They wouldn't take a check.

What, you stopped borrowing from me all of a sudden?

You are going to pay back.

sweetheart you seem to be eating quite a bit of it chocolate bavarian pie is on

my diet cute okay glenn fourth race you ready another thou

on let me see you don't care how you waste your department's money do you kid

hey uh randy i forgot to tell you we just got the word we got the full

cooperation of the bradford springs pd on this thing hey great glenn hey that

sounds like another real winner

Yeah, another foul on that, okay?

To win.

Mm-hmm. Okay, now, sixth race.

You have Brass Monkey to show, okay?

Mm-hmm.

Okay,

Crowley, we can knock it off. Our audience has just walked out on us.

Yeah, I can see that.

Okay, nice going.

Right.

We strike out?

No, Chamberlain's still circling the field. He just hasn't landed yet.

But when he bites, you'll know it.

Uh, sweetheart, uh, you can stop eating now.

Are you kidding?

Very rarely do I get to eat caviar and duck l'orange.

Hey, I've got a terrific idea.

Let's go up and, uh, take a little nap.

I got a better idea.

Why don't you go up and take a little nap?

And I'll go do a little shopping, you know, by a few clothes.

Alone? Mm-hmm.

I think it's a rotten idea.

In the interest of the police department, I'm going to go along and

protect Crowley's bankroll.

Well, my dear, you have been most helpful, and I do thank you so much.

Right. Goodbye.

This guy checks out okay?

Mm-hmm.

Gentlemen, that was Mr. Lawrence Collins' secretary in Coos Bay.

Turns out our pigeon's family owns a plywood mill.

Although he and his wife are on vacation, they can be found, believe it

or not, in this hotel.

So, the operation is go.

All right.

Take your bite, sir.

If there's one truism, Ralph, in this life, it is that people with money

always want more. And if there is another, it is until we are through, no

women, no liquor.

Do I make myself clear?

Hey, well, in that case, I'd better give Cindy a call.

No, you can do that later. I've got to reach Harold in New York, just in case

they check up on my credentials.

You guys don't have to let any grass grow under your feet.

Lobby and patio.

Come on, let's get on it.

You know, I'm beginning to enjoy playing with this thing.

Huh?

Is that a hint for your birthday?

Or Christmas.

Well, I guess that's it for now.

Where are you going?

To my room to take a shower.

Well, listen, why don't you just take a shower here?

Bill. Oh, really, I'll take the film out. We'll see what develops.

See you later. Call me if you need help with the exposure.

Yeah.

You dropped your chemo, dear.

Oh.

Well, thank you.

You're very kind.

Don't I get a reward or something? Maybe a drink? You know.

Maybe later.

But you said I was very kind.

You're kind of getting on my nerves giving me the key. Take it from me.

Come on.

Take it from me.

Take it from me. Come on. Take it from me.

Okay.

That's it.

That settles what, Sir Galahad?

From now on, you're staying here with me. One more trip like that, you could

blow our cover.

I have a feeling I'd have been better off with him.

Oh, Crowley's really going to be knocked out by this.

$224 for a dress.

Well, I had to have something to wear.

Besides, if he finds my suitcase, he can take the dress back.

Um, I thought I heard the lady say no refunds or exchanges.

Well, then he's stuck with the dress.

Where are you going?

My sweetheart.

What are those?

Oh, sorry.

Well, I thought in case I couldn't sleep, I'd have something to read

tonight. Couldn't sleep?

Well, we're on our second honeymoon, remember?

In that case, you can read to me.

Terrific. Just terrific.

My pocket's just been picked clean and beautifully.

I lost my wallet and my key.

That's terrific.

That means Chamberlain's got your mark, and he's checking you out.

Let's give him plenty of room.

Okay?

Yeah, fine.

Huh.

Sounds good.

It's getting better and better, I tell you.

How you doing?

Trying to get proficient. You know, they're a great-looking couple.

Let me see what you got there. I want to get some good pictures of him.

You know what would help this?

Uh-uh.

Took this off.

What are you going to call this shot? Midnight Nicole shoot?

Answer the phone.

Hello.

Yeah, Pete, what's up?

When?

How is he?

Pete and Joe found Uncle Luigi unconscious on the floor.

Where's he now?

Have they contacted his own doctor yet, Pete?

No, well, let me tell you something.

Now, this has happened twice before. It's just high blood pressure.

Yeah.

Now, just tell the doctor that.

Okay.

I'll hang by the phone if it... Yeah, give me a call, will you?

Is he gonna be all right?

I think so. It's just high blood pressure that's been brought on by all

this aggravation.

We're talking about bad timing.

Bill, why don't I go back? You're more important here than I am.

And if anything happens, I'll call you and you break off, all right?

Would you, Pep? Do you mind?

I love him, too, you know.

I'll get your reservation on the next flight.

Damn. They don't have a suite yet or your suitcase hasn't shown?

Both. Hey, look, it's not that bad. I don't mind sleeping in the bus so you

can have my pajamas, right?

Wrong.

Who is it?

Mr. Kent.

I'm a guest here.

I have something that I think belongs to your husband.

Voila. You found it.

Outside the elevator on my floor.

I, of course, have to admit, Mrs. Collins, that when I realized it

belonged to the husband of that gorgeous lady I saw out by the pool today, well,

I wasn't going to let some bellhop return it. Besides, he might have been a

little bit too greedy.

Oh, it was very sweet of you to return it yourself.

Darling. Darling.

What? Mr. Kent found your wallet.

My wallet?

Well, sir, I certainly thank you for this. I hope there's nothing missing.

No.

Gee, let me tell you, Mr. Kent.

Oh, please, please.

Samuel. Uh, Samuel.

Hey, I really appreciate this. I mean, not too many people will go out of their

way to do what you did. You know, make the effort to bring it back intact.

Tell me, sir, what is your favorite restaurant in town?

Well, I usually dine at a supper club called Le Toile.

Then that is where we're asking you for dinner tonight.

That's a super idea.

All right, I'll accept.

But on one condition.

That you are both my guests.

All right?

All right. Terrific.

Seven o'clock tonight in the lobby.

You got a deal.

Bye-bye.

Larry's work? Mm-hmm.

Well, I guess you could say that he's the president of a large family mill.

Try one of those. You'll just love it. Ooh, looks good.

But just between you and me and the champagne, his kid brother does most of

the work.

The dummy loves it.

And you two.

What do you love?

Traveling. The world. You name it, we've been there. I mean, it's fun and

educational. And you get to meet the most interesting and attractive types,

like you said. Oh, thank you, ma'am. But I should say about Larry, he's very

bright in business, too, you know.

I mean innately. He likes a good thing.

Larry, you son of a gun, you certainly did marry an attractive girl.

Oh, don't I know.

Well, thank you both, gentlemen.

I'm afraid I've just been telling Sam the story of our lives.

Well, how about you, Sam?

I mean, what do I do?

Well,

I'm on the finance committee of Coast and Southern.

We check out small businesses that seem to be going under. With our resources,

we're able to buy them up.

Then we announce a large capital investment in each of these little

businesses. When the stock goes up, why don't we sell out?

They're probably setting up the rag gambit right now.

I'm sure they are.

The rag gambit?

Hold it, guys.

We lost Katie.

That's an updated version of the old big con known as the store.

See, the crook goes out, he'll run a store. He'll even run equipment, set it

up to look like a small branch of a large, legit organization.

Then they hire local crooks and they'll pay them back as customers.

Yeah.

Pepper.

Good news, Bill.

I just talked to the doctor. It was a combination of high blood pressure and,

as you said, aggravation.

But his blood pressure is nearly normal now. He's okay, then?

Well, he pinched me twice so far.

Then he's fine. Would you get that old faker out of bed?

Incidentally, they hope to be able to send him home tomorrow.

Okay. Yeah.

Yeah, just watch yourself.

Sure. Bye-bye.

That was Pepper.

My uncle's okay.

Oh, that's terrific.

It's getting a little late.

You two got a heavy day tomorrow.

What do you say we all hit the sack?

Uh, hold it, Anxious.

Give me about 20 minutes.

Thanks, Crowley.

Where do you think you're going?

To bed. Where else?

Fine.

I'll take the sofa.

Look, wait a minute.

I've got a bad bag. It's okay.

Like I said, boy takes bed.

Jane climbs into sofa tree.

Problem solved.

Case is closed.

Officer Lindsey, the bed.

Thank you. It's okay.

Good night.

Night.

So, uh, what do you think of Vice, huh?

Is that a professional question?

Uh, considering the circumstances, yeah.

It's okay.

Uh-huh.

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh.

Well, is that okay-okay or terrific-okay, huh?

If you like busting pimps, which I do, it's terrific, okay?

I'm really tired, Randy.

Yeah, I'm not tired. Come on, tell me more, huh? You, vice, vice, you.

What is vice?

What is vice? Okay.

You get to meet the most interesting people.

In the most exotic places.

Standing on street corners.

Sleazy bars.

Hanging out of windows.

The candy store.

You know, like that.

Oh, Bunko isn't like that. No,

Bunko is people.

Watching people.

Old people, young people. Some smart, some not so smart.

But all of them vulnerable.

And all of them being con.

Swindled. Sometimes their entire lives are broken.

Like crooks.

Con artists who can only be caught by matching a cop's wood against theirs.

And so one day I decided to become one of those cops.

You know what I really missed tonight?

Hmm?

My teddy bear, you know?

Something nice and soft to cuddle up against.

Good night, Smokey.

Where are those reports?

Come on.

Charlie, put this over on table three, will you? Make it look nice. That's the

boy. Yeah, that plant's fine, honey. Thank you.

All right, sweetheart, we gotta get those dungarees in the back. I think

finish this up and let's go Larry, please Please I can't have ladders here.

Let's go. They're gonna be here any minute Ralph check on it, will you?

They're coming they're on their way. Okay. All right, everybody It's where

the fun begins places, please just like the old days let's have a good time

Okay, all right now

What about that? I don't buy it. The plastics outfit is looking good. The

plastics outfit... Yeah, but we only had a report on them yesterday.

How much was it?

Forty... What was it? How many... It was, uh... No, but look, right up there,

you can't... Excuse me. Oh, wait a minute. Thank you. Hello, friend. My,

you're just in time. Would you believe it? Good to see you. Nice to see you.

Madhouse here. Forgive me.

I just put $20,000 on Harrod & Spencer Chemical.

And I think that might be a good spot for you, but I think you should go in a

little bit smaller.

Would you say, what, $1,000?

Well, that's fine with me. Good.

Charlie, on that Herod and Spencer, give me another $1,000 right away before they

change it.

Wow,

this is incredible.

Hey, look.

It is incredible. See that last little clickety-click over there? I just made

myself $40,000. And you, my friend, are $2,000 richer right now.

Samuel, I don't believe this. It's true. I mean, I'm involved in a business

myself, and I'm aware of a few loopholes here and there, but come on, man, this

is a license to steal.

Larry, you... No, honey, I understand how he feels.

How come you're laying this on me?

All right, I'll be honest and pragmatic with you.

I've checked you out, Larry, both of you. You're my kind of people.

I just happen to like you, that's all.

And the bottom line is, I think that you and I could form a very healthy and

profitable relationship.

I mean, I don't know what the future holds, financially speaking, but it

looks pretty good to me.

Well, I don't know. It sounds honest enough and pragmatic enough, but I don't

know. I don't know.

I'll tell you what.

You and I will have dinner again tonight at the hotel, the three of us. And we'll

talk about it.

And if nothing comes of it, fine.

At least I've enjoyed your company.

Okay?

Okay. Look at her. She's going crazy.

Sweetheart. Come here.

Charlie, give me something nice. I don't know, perfume, something good. The

little lady wants to break into the business. Come on.

One,

two, three, four, five, six. Is that it?

Okay. There you go. Thank you very much.

Okay.

Yes, may I help you?

Yeah, we'd like a room, please. Mr. and Mrs. Lawrence Collins.

Collins, and you're from?

Coos Bay, Oregon.

What do you mean my husband and I are being impersonated by two police

officers? You people have got a lot of nerve using our names on some kind of

a... It's not easy to explain. Now, you see, we were told that you were in

Mexico. As a matter of fact, what are you doing at this hotel?

Hey, listen, I called my office, and I get a hold of this screwy secretary who

tells me that we can be reached here at this hotel.

So we hustled right on over here just to find out who we were.

You see, it's a little complicated.

Well,

we're investigating a confidence racket.

Racket? You mean you've involved us in a racket? I'm going to sue everybody

that's involved in this.

Hold it, freshman. You're out of line. Randy.

Randy Kell. Shut up when you address an upperclassman, mister.

Not for some second. Straight tail back up. Chin up. How you doing? Good seeing

you, Larry.

Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were a cop.

I am, and so is she.

I'm the fake Mrs. Collins.

My name's Kate.

I must say, I'm impressed.

Randy, would you explain to this guy, please, what's going on here?

Uh, yeah.

You see, Larry, we needed a cover, and who could be better than my old college

roommate? Everybody always said we looked like brothers, right?

I mean, the rich Larry Collins, who could be a better mark for any con man?

Since you were in Mexico, your brother gave us a go-ahead.

Yeah, so that's why the dingbat said that we were here. Sure, now it makes

sense. All right.

That's right, that's what we told her to say.

Listen, is there anything we can do? Hey, what'd I tell you, huh? Mr.

Collins, the best thing you can do is just disappear as soon as possible. Let

me take you down to the car, okay?

You better greet that desk clerk. Thank you very much for your collaboration.

Come right back, Randy, will you?

That's what I call a close call.

What do you suppose the odds are against them showing up here?

Oh,

speaking of odds, Silky make any money today?

If this keeps up, I'm going to retire.

You're kidding.

With a wad like that, I'm sure Sookie thinks he's got you hooked.

When do you think he'll pull the string?

The secret is to get the sugar thoroughly blended into the rum. You

see, that's what you have to do.

I got that from this Scandinavian chef in Stockholm.

All right.

Hey, would you get that for me, please, Larry?

Now. What you do is you lay it very carefully. You don't want to put it on

your two hands. Hello?

Right even on each one. Sam?

Yeah, long distance.

Oh. Oh.

All right, wait a minute.

Miami Beach. Excuse me a minute. Yeah, I got it.

Hello?

Yeah? Yeah, this is Mr. Kent.

Oh, yeah, put him on, put him on.

Selig, what's up?

Well, they can't do that now.

Look, can't you stall him for just a little while?

But listen, you can block it for one full day, can't you?

Yes, the whole bundle, 100,000.

I'm buying the lot.

Look, throw him out. I don't care about Norman or any of his friends.

Right.

You heard it.

It's our last chance to make a big killing.

They are taking...

Atlantic Minerals, off the board.

We'll sell out at $50,000.

You'll make 300% net profit on your money.

Are you in?

Larry, that much?

And tax-free?

And we can't lose, can we, Samuel?

No, no, no. I didn't quite say that.

But I think the odds are stacked pretty strongly in our favor.

Larry?

Sure, why not?

Of course the money will be marked. Tell them they'll get it back. Tell them

they'll get it back with a nice dividend.

I'm talking about Chamberlain.

What other dividend?

Dinner.

Captain, I tell you what. You get me the 50 grand.

I'll spring for dinner at Monserino's.

That's right.

Okay, thanks.

Talk about blackmail.

Okay, Randy.

We can pick the money up at the airport at 10.30.

Yeah, we'll probably end up with a caseload of worthless certificates.

Then what?

Then the important thing is to get out of there.

Now, Chamberlain's gonna have to stay there to pay off his stooges.

So our locals will move in, and they'll grab him with the marked bills.

We got him.

Yeah, we got Chamberlain.

But how are we gonna get your Uncle Luigi's money back?

Yeah, well, we're working on that, too.

Verona, please. My eyes are getting tired.

There's just four or five more, Uncle Luigi.

Come on.

That's him.

That's the fake FBI.

That's the one.

What? What is it?

Do you know who that guy was?

What? Who?

Do you know him?

Yeah. He busted me on a pigeon drop.

He's a cop.

Are you positive?

Cindy swears he's a bunco cop. He busted her once.

Yeah, well, I think we're being set up for a tour in the slammer. Oh, now,

gentlemen, gentlemen, let's not panic, shall we?

Silky, if he's a cop, the smart thing to do would be to quit now.

Mm-hmm.

Maybe you're right.

But before we do, let's just review the bidding, shall we?

First, why didn't the cops simply come up here and arrest me?

I'll tell you why. We haven't taken a nickel yet. They've got nothing on us.

All right.

Second, then what are they up to?

Could be a setup, using police money.

But in that case, they'd have to catch us trimming the mark.

In a way, they could be trying to con us.

You know, it's funny, gentlemen, but in this particular venture, we could end up

being the mark.

Yeah, well, I don't like it.

On the other hand... We know that they're police.

And they don't know we know.

So we have an advantage, right? All we need is a little... a little switch.

Just so the bad guys win in the end.

Forty-one thousand.

Two thousand.

Promise Silky I'll pick him up in his room.

I'll meet you in the lobby.

Be with you in just a minute.

Hiya, Larry.

Come on in. The New York board closes in half an hour.

We've got nothing but time.

Listen, I'm just going to get my jacket. Why don't you fix yourself a drink, huh?

Uh, no thanks.

Okay, then fix me one, will you?

Money's gone.

Where's Chamberlain?

A million miles away by now. I don't know.

You too, Larry?

Oh, no.

My money, it's all gone.

What are you going to do?

Operator?

Yes, this is Mr. Kent. Give me the police.

That's right. The police. Right now.

Why doesn't he split?

No, he's much too cool for that.

It's a lot more fun just to bluff it out.

What are we going to arrest him for?

In case we want to check him out, he's got some phony front ready for us. Give

him enough time to make his move. Sure.

He's so cool with Kate down there, isn't he? Yet I know he knows who you are.

I don't know how he found out, but he found out.

Guess we can't help it now.

I'd hate to be around when you tell my boss the city's out 50 grand and we

couldn't help it.

Yeah, Randy, let me tell you something.

I'm in charge of this case. Now, if any heat comes down, I'll take it.

Yeah, hello.

Yeah, Pep, what's up?

Bill, I've been trying to get you for a couple of hours.

Take a look at your copy of photograph 17.

Wait a minute, Pep. Let me get it.

Take them.

I took them already. Not those, the other ones. Take two of the yellow ones.

Yeah, that was, uh, okay, I got it, 17.

The man marked D for David.

Uncle Luigi says he's the one who posed as the FBI man.

Is he sure about that?

Uh, just a minute. Swallow it. Get him down.

He's pretty sure, but I think if he saw him in person... Pep, listen, wait a

minute. Let me get the pliers.

Shh. Who's he?

It's probably the guy that conked you.

What? No, I was talking to Randy.

There's a flight at, uh, 3 o'clock.

Get Pete and Joe and get on it. Bring Uncle Luigi with you.

Chamberlain's sitting it out, but I don't know for how long.

Your uncle's up to it.

And then some.

Listen, don't worry. If Uncle Luigi can pinch, he can walk.

We'll get there.

Good. I'll see you later.

Hey, this could get him to fit now.

Chamberlain wouldn't keep the money with him.

No, D for David's got it.

Well, they brought you in, too.

What's new?

Mr. Kent?

Yes. I'm Sergeant Pinkerton. Chester Oliver Pinkerton.

How do you do? We spoke on the phone, sir. Yes. Do you want to come this way,

please? You mentioned something, Sergeant, about some developments.

Yes, sir. We think we've identified the man who robbed...

His name is Charles Franklin, and he's wanted for a bongo fraud in Las Vegas

and San Francisco.

Oh, but this was armed robbery, Sergeant. I understand confidence men

avoid that sort of thing. Well, as a rule is true, sir. With $100,000, you

have to admit, it's quite a temptation.

This man was spotted hanging around your hotel this morning.

You recognize him?

Well, there wouldn't really be any way that I could. He was wearing a

handkerchief across his face.

Well, maybe...

You might be able to identify his voice, then.

No. Afraid all I ever heard him do was grunt.

Well, I think you ought to see him in any case.

You've arrested him?

No, not yet.

But we've made copies of this picture for every man on our force, and it won't

be long.

Well, I certainly hope so.

I'm leaving town tonight.

Tonight, sir?

Company business.

Emergency.

Uh,

Mr. Kent, I'm afraid you can't leave tonight, sir. You're our only witness,

and we need you.

Are you asking or ordering, Sergeant?

I hope it doesn't come to that, sir.

But I would like to remind you that it's your money we're trying to get back.

Good point.

Very well. I'll change my plans. You can reach me at the hotel if you need me.

Thank you very much.

Would you two like a ride back?

No, thanks. We have our own car.

Thanks for coming in, sir.

Well, boys and girls, this is where the rubber meets the road.

Geez, it's about time. I'm starving to death.

Aw, come on, there's no mustard in that thing.

At least you got the prize.

Who knows we're here?

It's the boss.

Hello?

Oh, Silky.

What?

Rio? Come on, we're leaving right away.

Well, look, I'll take the money with me. We'll split it up down there.

What's the matter? Don't you trust me?

Oh, come on, what are you, crazy? Ralph and I can't meet you at the airport.

Look, look, don't threaten me, man.

She'll be there.

Who's she?

You, baby.

69, my 69, you're my aunt. Now loading as well.

Right on the time, huh?

Okay, give me the suitcase.

Hey!

What's the matter, sweetheart? Don't you know me?

Well, after all, Mr. Kent was getting a little bit warm.

Mm-hmm.

What are you and Chuck going to be doing?

Splitting up. Meeting in Brazil.

He and Ralph are taking a later plane.

I see.

Silky? Yeah?

The man at 2 o'clock?

Oh.

He might as well be wearing a neon badge.

Well, he has eyes, but does he see?

See you and Coke.

You know me, sweetheart.

Excuse me.

I beg you pardon.

Thank you.

Rio de Janeiro.

We have to check your passport.

Mr. Seaton, I'm sorry, sir. There's some minor technicalities. All Latin American

passengers have to be checked again.

Oh, I'll miss my plane. That's all right, sir. We'll hold the plane for

you. This will only take a moment. Right this way, please.

This way, please.

Buongiorno, Mr.

Sata.

I don't believe we've met, sir.

What's going on here? Cool it, Mr. Chamberlain. We busted your three

buddies, now we're busting you.

You're under arrest.

Chester... Chester Oliver Pinkerton?

That's really the name you used?

Look, I figured there was a little poetic justice to it.

Figure it out. Chester Oliver Pinkerton, C.O.P., cop. Oh, thank you, teacher.

Let's get in and celebrate, okay? That's why I'm a sergeant.

Randy?

Here you go.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

And what about me?

What about me? It's my thing, you know.

No, we haven't forgotten about you, Luigi. Here's your drink.

What's this?

Cream soda. It's delicious.

Cream soda?

What am I going to do with the cream soda?

Doctor's orders, sorry.

Okay, doctor, doctor.

If he was a doctor, he'd stop some men from having a glass of wine. But this

order gets you.

I have something that'll make you happy. Get the envelope.

All right.

Give it to him.

Here you go.

Here you go, Uncle Luigi.

What is this, an eviction notice?

Open that. You know what that is? That's a check for your money.

Awarded to you by the court for the monies recovered from Chamberlain and

his friends.

Ha ha ha!