Original subtitles

Annie. Wake up!

You’re fuckin’ smart.

You’re, like, a writer.

I’ve got a boner right now,

and it’s partially because of your boobs, but it’s also this.

Wait. You read my article?

And you woke me up to tell me,

and you have a boner? That’s nice.

Well, yeah. I mean...

we’re boyfriend-girlfriend now, so...

we gotta, like, support each other’s work stuff.

- Mm-hmm. - You listen to my podcast, right?

Yes. Yes, I do.

I... I always do.

And this guy that wrote the second article

is fuckin’ pissed.

Do you guys use "Hello" to start all your pieces, or...?

Wait. Fuckin’ Gabe?

"Why should my wallet get skinnier

just so your ass can stay fat?"

He’s talkin’ about my ass.

Fuck. God damn it.

Nobody talks about your ass but me, motherfucker.

- This guy flirting with you? - No.

Are you sure? I mean, is he, like, giving you trouble?

’Cause I can take care of this guy.

I can absolutely tell that I can.

Not from his writing, but from his picture.

He’s my boss. He’s a fuckin’ nightmare.

God, Amadi must’ve read it because he’s texted me, like,

a million times. Jesus.

Fuckin’ Gabe.

He’s fuckin’ stupid.

No, he’s actually smart,

which is what makes this so fuckin’ annoying.

Hey.

It’s OK.

- It’s gonna be fine. - Yeah.

I have to go to work.

All right.

But... you’re gonna get in this bed again,

like, later tonight...

and, uh, you’re gonna have to be ready for that.

Thank you.

- Bye. - Bye.

Fuck you.

Shit, have you seen my keys?

Nope. Maybe Ryan has.

I heard his guttural moans coming from your room last night.

- OK. - I appreciate that he looked after Bonkers,

but as I was falling asleep, I realized I still don’t like him.

Come on, Fran. I’ve wanted this for so long, can’t you just let me have it?

Like, he’s really trying.

One afternoon of cuddling our dog

doesn’t erase a lifetime of horrible behavior.

If Saddam Hussein looked after Bonkers, I wouldn’t be, like,

"Saddam Hussein, you should really date my best friend."

OK, what is the actual issue here?

That’s he’s treated you like shit forever.

You cheat on every woman you date,

not to mention you break up with girls for the dumbest fuckin’ reasons.

Like that last girl you broke up with just because she listened to audiobooks.

You can’t listen to a book and then call it "reading."

OK, well, you’re basically the female Ryan.

Did you really just fucking say that to me?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you say shit about him all the time,

but we’re, like, actually together now,

so I-- I’m gonna say some shit back.

Look, I like that you’re having this metamorphosis,

or whatever’s happening here,

but I think this sentiment is incredibly misdirected.

Fran, I can’t fucking do this right now.

Like, I have to find my fucking keys.

- And I have to get to work. - I can take you to work.

Aww. You can ride on his handlebars. Adorable.

I don’t have my bike, Fran. I have my mom’s car.

OK. Let’s-- Lets just go.

Fran, I-- I’m sorry.

I hope you don’t think that counts as an apology.

I demand a better one.

And you might have to buy me stuff, too.

- Hey...

this is pretty cool.

Like an adult relationship. Driving to work together.

Yeah, I like it.

I just, um-- Are you going to work after you drop me off?

Nah, I think I’m gonna go home and take a nap.

Cool.

Yeah, I’m excited.

- Have you read Gabe’s article? - Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that was fuckin’ insane.

He’s, like, going after me so hard right now. I can’t even--

Hello? Dude. What’s up?

I’m just happy to see ya, you know? Not murdered and dead.

What?

You didn’t see the hundreds of texts I sent you from the horse show?

Ohh.

Oh, my God. The horse show.

Yeah, the-- the horse show.

Fuck, Amadi, I am such a piece of shit.

A true living piece of shit. I’m so, so sorry.

I, like, had a huge fight with my parents last night,

and then I got home and Ryan was there,

and he was really there for me, and I just--

I fucked up. I forgot.

I’m really sorry. Please. You know that’s not my style.

All right, well, you did miss a very good show.

- Oh, fuck. - There was this tiny horse,

and he did, like, a moonwalk thing,

and then he stanky-legged at the end.

- What? - Yeah.

Fried Snickers? Hello.

- That sounds like a fantasy. - It was a fantasy.

It’s happening.

Oh. OK, I’m--

- I’m gonna follow her. - Mm-hmm.

- And find out wassup. - That was creepy as hell.

- Yeah. So I figured out a way

to link the IP addresses with the user comments,

- which means that-- - You found the location of my troll.

Yeah. Yeah, you stole that moment from me.

OK. I’m-- I’m sorry. I just--

I’ve got all this troll adrenaline, ’cause I’m all jacked up.

So, basically I just gotta figure out which comments are his

and which are just, like, other terrible people’s.

- OK. - Like, let’s just go through it here.

- This one says, "Oink." - Yeah.

This one say, "Oink, oink, you little piggy slut."

This one says, "You must need a Sherpa to climb the stairs."

"You have a snout and a little piggy tail."

- OK. - And this one, again, says, "Oink."

- Different user, but... - Yeah.

You know, actually, you don’t have to read them all out.

His user name is just "The Awesome."

So any of those, like, see that one that says,

"Oink oink, I bet she uses a corndog as a dildo," that’s--

- Wow. - that’s him.

Oh, wow. ’Cause I don’t even think you could use a corndog as a dildo,

because it-- it would disintegrate inside.

Yeah. I’m not gonna actually try and use a corndog as a dildo.

There’s no harm in trying.

Maureen. There’s some harm in trying. Right?

Well, just depends if you dipped it in sauce.

Oh, God.

It’s not-- it’s not the worst thing.

It’s meat on a stick with bread--

But the meat protects the stick.

Stop laughing. It’s true. That’s all they knew.

- You’re so mean. - That’s kinda lame...

I can’t believe you wrote that. Honestly.

Annie, it was a well-argued rebuttal.

And I don’t like this energy you’re throwin’ at me right now.

Yeah, you’ve got a bad energy, sweetie.

This energy is because your rebuttal was ignorant and mean.

How can you just stomp over an entire group of people like that?

Maybe it’s ’cause those people are causing their own health problems.

Maybe they need to hear that.

Well, maybe someone needs to stop being a bully.

And the millennial pulls out the bully card.

Everyone got their cards? Not you, Andy.

Jesus Christ, you’re a gay man.

How can you not be sympathetic towards this?

I was born gay. I had no choice. You do!

Wow, that is fucked, Gabe.

I used to idolize you, but you’re just a close-minded coward.

You know, I think this is gonna end badly unless you just walk away right now.

Why will it end badly for me?

Is it because I write about things that I believe in,

- and you don’t like that? - Readers don’t like it, either.

No, the readers do like it,

and I think that’s actually what you’re scared of.

They like it enough that I have two of the top three articles on the site,

so maybe you’re the one who this is gonna end badly for,

because I quit.

I get her chair.

Annie?

I’m gonna give you one chance to take that back.

No. No, I’m not taking it back.

I’m serious, I quit.

I’m going troll hunting right now. Do you wanna come with me?

I need you to say yes, because I don’t have my car with me.

Yeah. Yeah.

That was intense.

I know. I know. I’m, like, kinda shaking, but I feel good,

like, I actually feel amazing.

Like, I kinda feel free.

OK, we just got the text.

Maureen says that your troll makes a lot of posts

from this cafe over in Forest Grove.

So what’s your plan once you find him?

I guess I’m just gonna go straight to full murder.

Those are your instincts, to go full murder?

I wanna make him dead, I guess.

- All right. I’m with you. - OK.

- This’ll be good. This’ll be fun. - Good.

- It’ll be a bonding experience. - Thank you.

Be a nice pressure reliever for me.

Oh, my God.

Sorry, we might have to make a pit stop, actually.

Those fried Snickers aren’t-- they’ve betrayed me.

Oh, no. That’s the mini-horse’s revenge.

Uh-huh. I don’t think I got ten miles in me.

Um, well, actually, we’re pretty close

- to my parents’ house right now. - That’s great.

A soft place for you to fall in your time of sorrow.

♪ ...that you’re beautiful ♪

- ♪ As you feel - Mom.

- Um, Mom. Hey. - Annie!

Oh! God, I didn’t know you were coming over.

- Hi. - I’m sorry, I didn’t think

that you would be here, and--

I-- This is my friend Amadi from work.

- Oh. Hi. - Hi, Mrs. Easton.

We were just in the neighborhood, and he needs to use the bathroom.

Yeah, it’s just down the hallway.

Oh, great. Thank you.

♪ ...frustration growing

- ♪ And they don’t see it showing ♪ - I used to love this song.

But I think it’s a little unrealistic to get up every morning

- with a smile on your face. - Yeah.

- ♪ With a smile on your face - Um, are you... OK?

- Oh, yeah, I’m fine. - ♪ All the love in your heart

Your dad went to group, and...

I just needed to take a rest for a minute.

♪ You’re gonna find, yes, you will ♪ - Well, I’m...

- I’m really sorry about last night. - ♪ That you’re as beautiful ♪

- And I’m really sorry about my article. - ♪ As you feel

- I should have talked to you first. - It’s OK.

My mother drove me crazy till the day she died, so...

so it’s a family tradition.

You don’t drive me crazy.

Hmm.

You know, I told your dad to take an extra layer

before he went to group, because that room is so cold.

And then he went in the bedroom and got a sweater,

and afterwards he sat on the bed for a long time

because it just seemed to take everything out of him.

I’m sure he’s OK.

You know, he’s actually been doing so, so good.

I used to think that if I could...

just take care of everything enough

and organize enough,

I could fix...

everything for everyone,

and... it just turns out that I can’t.

- ♪ You’re gonna find... ♪ - Yeah, well,

you don’t have to worry about everything.

You know, you should maybe just take care of yourself.

- Oh-- - Do you want me to...?

You two go to work. Go.

Well, Mom, I can stay.

No, no. I’m fine.

- Are you sure? - I’m totally sure.

OK.

OK, but call me if you need any-- Or I’ll call you.

Yeah. That’d be good. I’d like a call.

- Have a good day! - Thanks.

- It was nice to meet you. - Nice meeting you.

Um... OK.

You said your mom was a big ball of anxiety.

Seemed chill as fuck to me.

Well, I actually think you just witnessed

the onset of a complete emotional breakdown.

That was actually very nuts.

OK. Think we should go back in and let her know

- that you just quit your job? - Yes.

Yes, and I want to tell her that I once smoked a single cigarette,

and that I also lost my virginity in the back seat of her car.

- Hmm. - She would like that.

Yeah. Plus, she’d love your new career as a... troll hunter.

Ooh! What was that?

That’s the sound your shotgun makes when you’re huntin’ trolls.

Oh, but I don’t use a shotgun. I use a little, tiny knife.

♪ Whoa

♪ You wore your black shoes... ♪

All right, so this is the cafe

your troll posts from a lot in the afternoon,

so he could be here now.

What about this gym rat over here?

- Ooh. - I told you before, OK?!

He’s a full frickin’ beefcake psycho.

- Look at the veins in his shoulders. - Damn!

- That’s scary. That could be your troll. - Yeah.

I feel kinda bad, though. We’re, like-- we’re profiling right now.

Oh, my God, don’t. Please. People do it to me all the time.

It’s, like, "My turn."

Oh. Holy active shooter. Look at the mustache on that one.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Totally. Full internet psycho.

- Shit! Oh, my God. - Be casual.

- OK. Uh-- - Just be casual.

- That was casual. - It’s him.

It’s gotta be him.

Oh, my God. And he has his laptop, so we can catch him in the act

of posting something shitty.

All right. I gotta take this real quick.

Just wait for me, all right? I’ll be right back.

- OK. - OK.

Oh.

Oh--

- Can I help you? - Um, yeah, maybe--

maybe you can.

Uh, what the fuck is up, man?

I’m sorry, what?

OK, I know who you are. You’re The Awesome.

And I know you’ve been posting about me,

calling me a fat-slut-cunt-pig-bat-witch.

I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.

OK, yeah, well, I saw you look at me when I walked in here.

You were looking at me.

I-- I just thought you were my daughter’s kindergarten teacher.

What?! Everyone is constantly telling me that I look like a kindergarten teacher.

I sorry. I just dropped her off, and I thought maybe--

I don’t know. You just look familiar.

OK, so you don’t know, like, what I’m talking about?

Not at all, no.

I hope your daughter has a very nice year at kindergarten. I’m--

and I’m-- I’m very sorry.

Sorry that I forgot. And I-- - It’s not him at all.

OK. Yeah.

No, that’s fine.

OK. All right, I’ll see you. Good-bye. All right.

Jesus, Cindy is pissed, dude.

Fuck! My troll posted again! That means we missed him!

OK, and that sucks, but can we actually pick this up tomorrow?

No way! We’re so close!

Annie, did you not hear what I said? I gotta go.

No. Come on, man, you can’t bail now.

I’m not bailing on you, du--

Look, I’m an adult, OK? I’ve got a wife, I’ve got kids,

I’ve got... other shit goin’ on in my life.

- I know. - Do you really, though?

Because it seems like right now you’re way more interested

in yourself, and your troll.

Well, that’s-- that’s not true.

I mean, I have a lot going on.

I don’t have a job now, and-- and Ryan--

Annie. You’re still talkin’ about yourself.

Now I gotta go. I’m sorry. Gotta--

OK.

Hello?

Hey, Vera.

You were right about the extra layer, it got cold in there.

Vancouver?

RYAN [on podcast]: In cell block D

you had Irving Addison...

But-- But anyway, you had Moses...

Ohh. It’s so much worse than I ever imagined.

Yeah, like somehow he managed to make it worse

than the million other trash podcasts out there. It’s--

Ugh. He’s a moron.

I’m good to you... right?

Fuck yeah.

You’re the best.

God damn it!

My girl.

Hey. Um, are you busy?

Uh... not really, no.

Um, could you maybe come and pick me up?

Oh. Um, well,

my mom took her car back so she could run errands,

but... I could probably get it back from her when she goes to bed.

Oh. Um...

Or-- Or I could borrow Pete’s mom’s car.

Or I could pick you up on my bike.

No, no, um, that’s OK.

I just, um... I’m having kind of a weird day.

Damn. I’m sorry. Uh...

Well, uh, what if, like, tonight...

we do... fucking?

That’ll make you feel better. Right?

Whenever I’m all stressed out

and pent up with, like...

like, stress stuff, you know,

like, I cum and I feel-- I feel good.

Yeah, that’s not really where my head’s at right now,

so I’m gonna go, OK?

Oh. Yeah. OK.

Uh, sorry. Bye, Annie.

OK. Bye.

No!

Unbelievable.

You’re "The Awesome."

No.

Yes, you fucking are, you coward.

What are you doing here?

So you are him.

You’re the fucking monster

who’s been torturing me every day.

I don’t-- I don’t torture you, I’m just expressing my opinion--

Shut up. Just shut up.

Do you know how fuckin’ lame it is

that you spend so much time

trying to hurt a complete stranger?

I’m a real fuckin’ person.

And I’m just tryin’ to go to work and do my job,

and-and you’re calling me a pig every day?

And you threaten to kill me,

and you talk about my... my family...

and what I don’t understand the most is, why?

Is it because I’m not the type of girl you want to fuck?

Or maybe is it because I am the type of girl you want to fuck

but you’re too chickenshit to admit it.

Either way, it doesn’t fuckin’ matter, because fuck you.

Fuck you. Fuck you. I fuckin’ hate you.

I’m sorry.

What?

- I’m sorry. - Oh, you’re sorry.

I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.

What did I do to you?

Honestly. What?

I don’t know.

Pissed me off.

That stuff that you write, the feminist shit,

I don’t agree with a lot of it, and...

so I thought I’d push you a little.

Or a lot.

I was big when I was a kid.

And you’re... overweight--

You can say "fat." You say it all the time.

OK, you’re fat.

But...

your writing is so confident.

And I...

I hate myself... and you don’t.

It’s just, like, you’re out there yelling,

"This is me, and fuck you if you don’t like it."

OK.

Made me mad.

I’m sorry.

OK, well, thank you.

Thank you for your apology.

It’s weird, by-- by trolling you,

I feel like I’ve gotten to know you pretty well.

I read everything you write.

Even the stuff that pisses me off, it sticks with me.

OK. Is that just a line you say to all the girls that you troll?

I don’t troll any other girls.

What?

I only troll you.

Hey, would you... would you want to come inside for a drink?

My God. No.

Are you insane?

That’s fucking disgusting.

You’re sick. You’re fucking more psycho than I thought.

Yeah, well, I probably couldn’t even find your pussy anyway, you fat cow!

What the fuck did you just say?!

- Fuck you! - Fuck you, you fucking coward!

Get the fuck off my property!

- Fuck you! - Fuck you!

Moooo!

♪ My head is pounding

♪ My mouth is dry

What the fuck?!

Get the fuck outta here! Fuck you!

- You better run, you fat bitch! - ♪ Tension turned me inside out ♪

♪ Inside out

♪ Inside out

♪ Fear, oh, fear

♪ Please don’t pull me down ♪

♪ It’s just a drowning hand ♪

- ♪ Reaching for me now - ♪ Reaching for me now

♪ I want release from absolution ♪

♪ Benediction

♪ Good intentions

♪ Poison wine

♪ Blood ecstatic

♪ Annihilate this sense of things ♪

♪ I am born into these breaking hours ♪

♪ Hour of change, change, change ♪