Original subtitles

Oh, darlin'

I love you in the mornin'

I love you in the afternoon

Chuck, you know I love you.

Of course, Betty I love you too.

And I know I've made you wait a long time.

Yeah A long time.

Well, tonight, that all ends.

What do you mean?

Chuck...

tonight is the night I'm going to give myself to you.

I'm ready to take things to the next level.

Are you sure? We're gonna do it?

All right.

Whoa, darlin'

Whatever I have to do

Oh, pretty baby

How I'm in love with you

That was awesome.

Yeah.

But...

now that my virginity is behind us,

I think I'm ready to take things to the next level.

What do you mean? I thought we just did.

Come on, Chuck, don't be coy.

You know what I mean.

Anal

Seriously?

Yeah I love you, Chuck, and I know you love me

And that's why I want you to stick it in my ass

Giddy up, horsey

Come on, let go

Yeah

Who's riding your pony?

Horny pony

Oh, yeah

They've seldom seen of your contemptuous greed

Wow

I know.

That fucking ruled!

But

But what?

Well

it's just now that the ass sex is in the bag

I think we're ready to take things to the next level

What other level is there?

Get an extension cord

Next level!

Who are they!?

Next level!

Ohh!

Next level!

Next level!

No more levels!

I'll be right back

Maybe I rushed things

Sex me up and I'll sex you down

Whatever you want is my command

I'm into S and M, I lead the butcher farm

And now don't you understand, I'm into any ma'am

Sex me up and I'll sex you down

I get on the floor, I'll turn around

Get on my hands and knees, on your command I'll freeze

I hope this never cease, come get me, won't you please

But she won't hold me and she won't squeeze me

From what she told me, she'd never please me

But she won't hold me and she won't squeeze me

From what she told me, she'd only tease me

She said

I said

Sex me up and I'll sex you down

Sex me up and I'll sex you down

Sex me up and I'll sex you down

Remember, students, it's Sexual Awareness Month.

Gentlemen, pick up your free condoms in the gym,

- and ladies, lubricant is available... - I got laid last night

- Same chick as the night before? - Are you crazy?

I can't have the same chick comin' around two nights in a row

That's bordering on a relationship I like to play the field

See, this is exactly what I don't understand How does he do it?

He just goes out and gets it done, man,

that's how he does it

You can't sit around and wait for Santa to bring you some ass

under the tree

Dude, how psyched are you for first period?

- Mr. Matthews' sex-ed class - Man, that dude's a total freak

I can't wait to go in there and talk about all the ass we've slammed

It's gonna be awesome, bro

No doubt, bro

I can't take this class

Why not?

Why not? Did you not just hear that conversation?

" -How much ass we've slammed?" - Yeah, bro

Exactly The class is just gonna be with a bunch of pervs

who are open about their sex lives, and frankly, I don't have one

That's sad You're not bad-lookin' And your legs work

I'm not gonna have sex with just anybody,

I know that's what you are thinking right now

Sorry, not gonna happen

Doesn't have to be just anybody Look. Look, look

How about you start off with a nice little virgin like Betty?

Hey, Betty

Okay, everyone, bring it on in,

we got a lot to do, and little time to cover it

I can feel the sexuality brewin' in here already

- Oh, no Stacy's in this class? - What do you mean, "Oh, no?"

You've been trying to tap that since fifth grade

This is an opportunity You're in a class with her

Go talk to her!

- What would I say? - Listen, all a girl wants

is for you to be yourself So do that... be yourself

Or just shake your dick at her You know, whatever feels right

- Hello - Hello

Hey, Stacy

Looks like we're gonna be having sex together

What!?

Ed S... class Sex-ed class together

I'm sorry, I just... y'know Whoo!

Bye

Yeah... talk to ya later

My name is Mr. Matthews

First off, there's no teachers in here...

just a bunch of people exploring their sexuality

Right? So once you enter through that door,

you're comin' through a No Bullshit zone

That's right... I said "bullshit"

Huh? We're keepin' it real in here, people

Fart, fuck, shit, cock, ass, cunty cunt!

All rightie

Now, listen up Teen sexuality is a living, breathing thing,

and we're gonna explore that concept from every different angle

we can get our greasy little hands on

And you're gonna share I'm gonna share right now

Hell, I've had sex with koi fish

There, I've said it

Sometimes you find me naked down at the bottom of a fun-ball pool

at your local fast food restaurant

True story

Okay, let's do a little role-playing exercise in here

I want each and every one of you

to decide that you're gonna have sex with someone

for the very first time

Okay, partner up, people!

Stacy needs a partner Seize the day, bro

Hell, screw the day Seize the booty

That's a good union there I like that I saw that when I came in

- Mr. Matthews? - Yes

I don't think there's any girls left

Mike, human sexuality isn't always between man and woman

Stand up, Doug

Class, I'd like to introduce you to our first gay couple...

Mike and Doug

Now, just because they'll be experimenting with

man-on-man lovemaking and assorted humbuggery,

don't treat 'em any differently

Mike, I think you're gonna be on bottom

Okay

I'll be the stay-at-home-dad

What?

Mark

So, Matt, what advice do you have for young people about sex?

Advice Uh

guys, be responsible

You know, always wear a rubber

Of course, it feels way better to do it without one

Unless, of course, it's a Vietnamese hooker,

and then I think you just take your chances

As long as there's a naked chick somewhere in the room,

you are not gay

If you have an STD, do not tell your partner

It is a lose-lose situation

Fellas, be nice to your partner

In the morning, if she needs a ride home,

point her to the nearest bus stop before you go back to sleep

Be a good guy

Today one out of three young adults

has a sexually transmitted disease.

And letting a former hook-up know that you've got genital cooties

can be pretty hard.

Now there's an easier way!

At STD-E-CARDS, you can share the bad news with one click.

Pick from such messages as,

"You gave me your heart, I gave you gonorrhea",

or' Thanks for the blowjob... sorry about the herpes" .

It's from Kevin!

That hot guy that you hooked up with this weekend?

- Yeah - What's it say?

"Roses are red, violets are blue,

I gave you syphilis when we screwed at the zoo"

That was easy

STD-E-CARDS, where bad news travels fast!

Attention, students, prom is fast approaching.

Get your free STD screening in the nurse's office.

- Hi, Carla - Oh, hey

Hey, listen, um,

I know it's kind of last minute, but, um,

I wanted to know if you'd maybe want to go to the prom with me tonight

Oh, I'm sorry, Justin, someone already asked me

Three weeks ago

Oh... oh, okay That's that's all right

Well, have fun, though

Oh, check out your cock!

Oh! Oh, honey!

I've been using these since the Eisenhower Administration

Can I help you?

Huh?

Uh... uh, no

Oh, honey...

She's a real beaut, isn't she?

This just isn't right

I wish we'd met years ago

My whole high school experience would have been different

Every day, the one thing I can count on

So much love

It's like a river with no end

So much love

The minute it seems to stop, it starts again

So much love

You've given me so much love

Don't you know you've made my dream come true

I've always wanted to see the Grand Canyon, too!

They brought me you, you brought me love

Dreams come true every day with you

So much love

Justin, I haven't seen you around much lately

I've been busy

Well, prom wasn't the same without you

- Really? - Yeah

I was wondering if we could go out sometime

- Me and you? - Dinner?

Maybe Saturday night?

And just when I thought the night could not get any worse,

he pukes all over my dress

It was horrible

I'm sure you still looked beautiful, though

Thanks, but I didn't

I had vomit all over me

You're so amazing You really are

What? No, that's ridiculous

I'm going to play poker with some of the guys

Don't worry I'll be back by 10:00 All right?

Hello?

Anyone there?

Look, don't be a pussy, just tell me who it is

Stop calling me!

Another prank call

I know what you're up to, and it's gotta stop

Leave Carla alone!

It's over between me and you

Get used to it!

Where were you this morning?

I thought you were gonna watch me practice

Oh Sorry, I forgot

Well, you comin' to my game on Friday night?

Actually, I'm going to Len's party with Stacy

You know what? There's someone else who actually cares about me

Good-bye, Carla

Justin, where are you going?

What?

No!

Why?! Why did you do this!?

Someone call 911!

So what's the kinkiest thing you've ever done in bed?

The two of us licked whipped cream off of each other once

- That was fun Yeah - That was pretty kinky

What about you?

I don't know

- Uh - Come on, don't act all shy

- What if my parents are watching? - Come on

Does it have to be the kinkiest thing that we've done together?

No, it could have been on your own

Well

this one time I had sex with this black guy

while his best friend did me in the ass,

and then I sucked both their dicks at the same time

That was kinda kinky

- What? Baby? That's great

MR MATTHEWS Bring it on in!

We got a lot to do and a little time to do it!

Wanna make sure we can cram it all in

That's what she said Ha ha ha! You guys know what I'm talkin' about

You've gotta sit next to Stacy and be her partner

Yeah, man, don't be scared Go ahead

All right, we're all gettin' in a circle

This is great

Okay

let's talk about penises

That's right, everyone

I said the big P-word

Now, the most common question: What's normal?

Simple answer: There's no such thing

Penises come in a variety of different shapes and sizes

Huh? All rightie!

As you can tell from the molds cast from actual penises we have here

Got 'em all different from all over the globe

Now, the next we like to call the Fireplug

It's short and stocky, but boy, when you get it excited,

kablooey!

Like a sawed-off shotgun, I tell ya All right, what do we have next?

This one's called the Tadpole Why is it called the Tadpole?

Because it's got a larger head tapering down into a smaller shaft

We like to call this guy the Mushroom Cloud, if you will

Yeah I thought you'd like that one

Now, this is an interesting one

Looks small, but if you know how-to use it,

I tell ya, it's quite a powerful weapon

It's called the Torpedo You know what I mean?

Or the Meat Cone

'Cause it's got a tiny head tapering into a large shaft

Nice

Hand that guy around, that's a good one

We like to call that one the Roto-Rooter

Next we have what's called the Super huge

- That's right - Oh, damn!

We also like to call this the Great American Challenge

Ladies, you're gonna love the cervix stimulation on that guy

Okay, this next one's interesting, all right? I found this one online

It's the Doubleheader, ladies and gentlemen

It is out there, believe me Hand that around

Okay, everyone, pass 'em around

Look 'em up and down

NOW freeze!

Okay Gentlemen, the penises in your hands,

that is your penis

Ladies, put your penises down

and partner up with the person closest to you

Looks like we got a small one, huh?

Yeah

Okay, now I'm gonna hand out some condoms for each group

Here ya go, everyone get a condom

Now, ladies and gentlemen,

I'm gonna have you put the condom on the man's penis, together

Okay, the reason I'm having you put these condoms on together

is because contraception is both partners' responsibility

Have to say that Sorry

Mike, it looks like you got a little room there

That's because, Mike, you have a very small penis

Okay, everyone, let's talk about fetishes

Now, a fetish is basically an obsession with leather...

black leather... and bits, mouth bits

Who likes a ball in their mouth? Anyone?

Oh, baby, you look so good

- You wanna do it now, baby? - Hell, yeah, I do

Okay

No, wait You know what would be even hotter?

What?

This

You want me to wear a hat?

Oh, yeah, baby, that shit is so hot

- Okay - Yeah. Yeah.

Wait Uh, you know what else would be so smokin' hot?

What?

This big mole

What?! Ew!

It's hot Trust me

For me?

Fine

- Now can we do it? - Yeah

Ronny... what the hell!?

- What? - I didn't want to say this,

but you clearly want to have sex with Abraham Lincoln!

That's crazy!

Is it? Look around you, Ronny

- You're obsessed with him - He was a great man

What's wrong with paying tribute?

Paying tribute is one thing...

trying to turn your girlfriend into him so you can get a hard-on is another

I'm outta here Call me when you get some therapy

Sue...

That was my last beard

TV Announcer: Can the transporter be fixed?

Or is all hopeless for our heroines?

Will Alice and Betty make it home?

Find out next on Babes Lost in Time!

Time

Forward into the past!

Here I come, Abe!

Ladies, you do not...

I repeat, you do not have to have sex with a guy for him to like you

But it helps

Want to remain a virgin until you're married?

Two words: Butt sex

Look, if you like to be choked, it's okay Everyone likes it... a little

Just don't go too far

Blue is a warning sign

So, what's the kinkiest thing either one you has ever done in bed?

- Well, um, check it: - Whoo!

I'm at the club one night, and I meet this little white chick, right?

So next you know I get in her ear, man,

and she lets me take her back to my spot,

and she did me and him at the same time

- And then she blew us You're kidding

Whoo, man! That girl was off the chain, man!

Hey, you know, uh, shit, what can I say?

That little woman had a big ol' twelve-pound pussy, man!

- Where'd she get that? - There was a lot of acrobatics

in that motherfucker, you know what I'm sayin?'

She was small, but she did a lot of big things, baby

- Hey, Kim, holler at your boy! - Whoo!

The women spend most of their time stretching their breasts,

- adding a new ring each year. - Yeah Ooh

They probably like it when they stretch 'em

Yeah

I know they do

Holy crap!

It's Saturday night and you guys are getting stiffies watching PBS?

- You're pathetic - Get out of my room, RJ!

You never knock!

Stupid

He's right, you know

- I mean, this is pathetic - What else are we gonna do?

It's not like we can actually get laid Let's just watch this

Unless we come up with a way

to build an artificial woman from your computer

And then program her to have sex with us

You're a genius!

This is stupid, Barry

Shut up

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

Relax! We're gonna give her Halle Berry's face,

- and Beyonce's ass - All right

- Tyra's boobs - Bam!

Tyra's probably got bigger nipples than that

Now all that's left to do is make sure she's horny

Like really, really horny, though

See this pair of panties, right?

Where'd you get those from? They're lacy

All right Are you ready to lose your virginity?

- I'm ready - Say good-bye

Ow! I told you that was stupid, Barry

Be quiet, Leon I'm thinking

Oh, shit!

So, who gonna fuck me first!?

Him! Him!

What the hell just happened!?

The panties, they was my aunt's I knew it It was my aunt's panties

What you waitin' for? My pussy ain't gonna eat itself out

What? What you say?

Who would say that?

Where you goin?' Where you goin?'

Leon!

Leon!

Well

I guess that means you first

No It don't... it don't have to mean that

Come give mama a taste of that sweet chocolate

What you talkin' about? Chocolate ain't sweet!

I'm your human sex toy, and I don't come with no Off button!

You don't even have to wear no jimmy hat!

Save your energy! I plan on Cumming a lot tonight!

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

You're too big for me!

Your ball sack is about to get drained!

Let me go! Please, Jesus!

You were good.

I don't want no more I don't... I don't want no more

No! I don't want it!

You broke my bed

She's so big. Why is she so big?

I musta... I probably hit F1 instead of Enter I don't know

Here I come!

And this time your ass cherry is mine!

No, it's not! No, it's not!

It's my ass cherry! It's not yours!

Barry? Leon?

"Press Enter now?"

Yeah

You're lookin' good, baby

Whoa!

You're cute How old are you?

Old enough

Ooh-whoo! Yeah, yeah

Here we go

I know you're probably too young to be thinking about marriage,

but take it from me,

if you find somebody that you want to spend the rest of your life with,

there's nothing better

Thanks, sweetie

But before you get married,

make sure you explore all your options, guys,

and bone as many chicks as you can

Well, ladies, be sure you take the long way through Dick-town, too

I banged at least fifty guys

before I met this asshole sitting next to me here

And a group of girls, too

It was no accident that I invited the electrician and the plumber

on the same day

- Ohh - Whoo-whoo! Real hot!

Guys, listen up

If you're planning on having a threesome,

you better to do it before you get married

But trust me, there's no better sensation

than two women making out while riding your Johnson

I almost forgot

Book yourself a ticket to...

Try sleeping with your fianc''s best man

and his brother

at the wedding reception

Very hot

Great

Ohh

Ohh

Ooh, that's nice

Oh, why didn't I think of this before?

Oh, shit

Ohh! Ohh!

Damn it, damn it, damn it!

Honey, dinner's ready

Oh, my God Oh, my God

Oh, this is bad

Can you pass the mashed potatoes, please?

- Certainly - Thank you

Mm Everything is delicious, dear

Did you pick up your condoms for the prom?

Yeah, they gave them out for free at school today

They did? Yeah Thanks, though

Honey, is your vagina ringing?

Dad! That's ridiculous

Sounded like it

Okay, I think we've learned a lot here Class dismissed

I'll see ya all tomorrow

Now, remember your permission slips for the field trip

Now, these permission slips are no joke, people, okay?

Now if you can't find your parents,

they're in their bedroom, doing it

- He'd probably use the toys - Totally

Hey, Stacey Jess

- Hey - Hi

Uh, so listen, Stacey, um...

Mike, can I talk to you for a second?

- Later? - Yes

- Awesome - Okay

So, Mike,

how are things going with you and Stacy?

Oh, uh, great

You know, we're really good friends We...

Hey, hey! Don't bullshit a bull-shitter, bro

I know you're into Stacy You wanna rap about it?

Yeah, I mean, I don't know I like Stacy

- Hmm Hmm - A lot

What do I do? How do I tell her how I feel?

That's a good question

You don't

I don't?

No, you don't

You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy is, ooh, way out of your league

Way

What? What do you mean?

I thought you were all about breaking the rules

and there are no rules and we're all equal

I am Just not when it comes to you and Stacy

You see, Mike, a girl like Stacy, to get her,

boy, you'd need like a truckload of cough syrup

and a vat of malt liquor

Really mellow her out, you know what I mean?

But not knock her out That's a whole different class altogether

- What? - Mike

you need to go after something more attainable

You need to find somebody who's a lot less

pretty-err

You might have to go up a few weight classes...

a little more than you're comfortable with, probably...

buck-fifty, two bills... I'm not sure

Somebody who hasn't seen the light of day in quite a long time

Acne scars, fangs for teeth, bad hygiene,

- retarded, if you will - What!?

Hey, sometimes keepin' it real hurts, little bro

But in the end, we're all stronger people

Now go out there and get an ugly chick

Or a whore Good luck

Good talk

Now, a quick word from our sponsor.

Tired of waking up with morning wood?

Embarrassed by untimely hard-ones?

Boners sprouting up at the most inopportune times?

Well, that's why we've invented Flaccitra.

Flaccitra cuts off blood to your penis,

causing it to shrink like a frightened turtle.

So, for you teenagers suffering from SBS...

Sudden Boner Syndrome...

try Flaccitra today.

Flaccitra may cause infertility, mood swings, loss of appetite,

headaches, butt acne, penis leprosy,

scarlet fever, bloody ejaculations,

and for a complete list of side effects

go to Flaccitra. Com.

Come on, guys

Flaccitra.

Mmm, this is nice, baby

Lindsey, relax Everybody farts

This is huge.

We've crossed the Fart Barrier

Really?

Ahh

See? It's nothin!'

I do feel comfortable with you

Damn!

Now, that's just nasty.

Oh, my God! Oh, yes!

Hey, man, she was riding you like a pogo stick! Up and down!

Hold on, hold on It gets better

- Wait for it - I'm gonna cum!

Now

Oh, my God!

Whoo

Let me introduce you to The Screamer

Griffin, this chick is amazing

Which is why I invited her over here today

Yes, sir

And we're gonna be right here to make sure you go through with it

Got your little sister's baby monitor hooked up in your room

And we're gonna have the other end right here so we can listen in

No Not happening, guys

- Not happening? - No

- Yes Yes - No No

Well, that's what you think

- Oh Too late - Oh, I love it!

Go ahead

- Hi, I'm... I'm Mike - Where's your room?

Oh, my God

Oh, shit

Oh, my God

I can't believe this

Come here

Oh, shit

Whoa, you're taking your shirt off immediately like that,

it's kinda tough for me to say no.

You hear that, man? The shirt just came off!

- It's on! - Oh, it is on, all right

Put it in me

Why... why don't I just grab some ear plugs real quick?

Oh, my God, what should I do?

Oh, hell no, man, is it broke?

What are you waiting for?

I'm sorry I...

I can't do this

What?

There's this girl in my high school, and I... I really like her

Great I didn't have a back-up plan

Now I've gotta go fuck a trucker or a cab driver or

a homeless guy

Do you possibly think that maybe you could go through the back door?

Just so you know you're givin' up a sure thing

Your friend said that you were desperate for it

Last chance

Man, all the settin' up we did, he better not be pussin' out

He's definitely pussing out

Let's go see what's going on with the dumb-ass

You like that, don't you?

Ha ha! We back in action! Oh, Mike!

Yeah, Mike! Whoo-hoo!

Man, you hear that?

Yeah!

Ride it! Ride it!

My boy's goin' strong to the hole, I'm tellin' ya!

- She's going nuts! - She wasn't that crazy with me

Ahem

Hi Have you guys seen my purse?

Oh, Mike! You're so big!

Ahh! Ahh! Oh, Mike, I've never been fucked so good!

Cover your ears! I'm about to cum!

I'm Cumming! I'm Cumming!

Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!

Oh! Oh! You're such a beast!

I'm your big daddy

Mike, I'm... cover your ears!

Shh! Shh! Oh! Oh!

All right, home stretch

Oh, like that! Oh, like that! Oh, like that!

Oh, my God, oh, my God

I'm in love, Mike I love you

I love you, Mike

Let them know you worked it, dust it off and jerk it

So was it as good for you guys as it was for me?

You know, I would tell you to go fuck yourself,

but it sounds like you just did

Now, Suzy, I don't know how to tell you this,

so I'm just gonna come right out and say it.

Say it.

I've been sleeping with your mom.

- Hank, come on - What?

You know I made an abstinence pledge

I promised myself I'd wait until I was sure

it was with the right guy

I thought I was the right guy

You might be

I'm just not sure yet

But I like you a lot

Hi, sexually frustrated teenager!

I'm Blue Bally!

And if you and your girlfriend don't have sex soon,

you're gonna wind up with a serious case of blue-balls!

That's right! Your nuts are gonna turn blue

Aw, don't be afraid I'm here to help

You've been stiff as a board for the last two hours

That means you're reaching a critical moment

where that good tingly feeling down there

can quickly turn into an achy not-so-good feeling!

Wh... what do you mean?

See, Hank, right now your testicles are filled with semen,

and only a little bit's dripping out

That's called pre-cum

What you want to do is ejaculate

Otherwise, that back up of jizz will cause pressure in your nut sack

to the point of making you nauseous

In fact, your genitals can increase in size 25 to 50% That's huge!

- So, what do I do? - From where I'm sittin,'

even if your girlfriend won't have intercourse with you,

the least you should be able to do is to score a hand job

Judy?

L... I want you to know that I really do care about you

And I've known that since the first time I saw you in Bible Study class

Uh-huh

uh-huh

uh-huh

- Uh-oh That's not good - What do you mean?

With that kind of arousal, it's only a matter of seconds

before full-on irreversible blue balls!

You better go to the bathroom and jerk off, right now

- Here? - Yes! Go!

There's no time to waste!

Go! Get going! It's a medical emergency!

Oh, yeah, you won't see this on children's television!

Blue Bally!

Hope you like sloppy seconds! Hah!

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Man, I'm never gonna get laid I'm such a loser

No, you're not I met a girl in a chat room

- Did you? - Yeah

I met in her in Teen lonely boys

'Cause I figure I'm a teen and I'm lonely

Anyways, it's crazy,

there's not a lot of girls in that chat room

It's mostly older guys interested in photography

That's kind of creepy

It is at first, but, you know,

once I made it clear that I was a teen boy

in the market for a teen girl,

ladies were just coming out of the woodwork

And now I have a girlfriend Her name is Randy

Isn't that a guy's name?

It's both I...

I mean, she says she gets that all the time

- She send you a picture? - No Uh... but I sent her tons of mine

Most of them are naked It's awesome

Well, maybe I'll give it a try

And maybe if you're lucky someday, you'll have a Randy, just like me

"Sweeety Pi"

Accept

Hi.

Hi.

Sex chat?

Sure.

Okay. I'm dressed in a tight mini-dress walking down a dark alley.

I'm completely alone and vulnerable.

Then you appear out of the shadows.

You wear all black, with a ski mask over your head.

You approach me menacingly and say?...

Hey, what's up.

Was that wrong?

Menacing.

Okay

What are you doing in my alley?

Oh, no. You stay away from me.

I'm lost, alone, and half-naked.

But I have Mace. Don't try and take advantage of me.

Okay, sorry, no problem. Do you need cab money?

Be aggressive. I want it.

Oh Weird

I'm afraid I don't care about Mace. Prepare to be attacked.

Sexually.

That was amazing. We should meet.

Come to 429 Covington Avenue, apartment 8,

tomorrow night at 10:00.

Wear a mask. Take me against my will.

Don't break character.

- Oh, hello, dear - Oh, hey, Jane

Doing anything special tonight?

Nope, just baking cookies for my niece

Oh

Just a second!

Did somebody order the rape?

Aaaah!

Whoo! Oooh!

So far so good

Uh, you can run but you can't hide

from forced sexual intercourse,

you know what I mean ma'am?

Get out!

God, be careful! You're gonna hurt me!

I mean, you won't be so feisty when I'm violating you

Sexually

I'm bleeding!

That won't stop me!

No, you don't

Oh

I'm sorry, I'll pay for this

You stay back I'm warning you!

Uh, I'm scared, yeah, yeah I'm scared and...

Oh, my God!

What is it?! What is it!?

Oh, God! Oh, it's burning!

Aaaah!

Did somebody order the rape?

Fred

Oh Hey, Betty

- Hey - How's it goin?'

What's wrong?

Oh, it's just been kind of a crazy week

It's a long story, though

You know, Fred, I've been thinking

we've been friends for a really long time

Yeah Yeah, we have

Maybe it's time we take things to the next level

Next level?

Wow

Next level!

Hey, baby, this is for you.

I love you. You're the only one for me.

I hope you enjoy.

Kat, can I borrow a squirt of your herpes cream?

Uh, yeah, sure. I'll bring it over in a minute.

Ohh! Ow!

I'm not in Leave a message

Hey, girl, it's Billy Sharpe from the basketball team

Thanks for rockin' my world Talk about takin' it to the hole... damn!

Sorry about that.

Oh, shoot! Aaaah!

Nice titties!

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Put the south in your mouth, pretty baby

Put the south in your mouth, pretty baby

Let me slop my biscuit in your gravy

I'm gonna do it

I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it, I'm gonna do it

I'm there I'm there I'm there I'm there

Put the south in your mouth, pretty baby

I wanna kiss your mouth

Mm, tastes like blueberry

So good...

Oh, God

Mmm

Hi

Hi

You look like you just saw a ghost

Um

I had a... a really bad dream

Oh, sweetie

It's okay

Come here

I had an amazing time last night

Oh l'm sorry

Do you have a toilet?

Oh Yeah, it's right over there

Ohh

Mmm long night

- Hello - Aaah!

Who the hell are you?

Why don't you ask your dick?

What is going on here?

- Relax, Len - How do you know my name?

Uh, I usually like to know the name of the guy

who's fucking my mouth

Nobody fucked anybody's mouth last night!

Fine Nobody fucked my mouth last night

And I guess

nobody was three knuckles deep in my sphincter, either

Jesus Christ, what were you doing,

reaching for, like, a winning lottery ticket or something?

I could feel you in my small intestines

Oh, look what the cat dragged in

- Do you have any matches? - Such diarrhea Ugh

I'll air that out All right?

What I need right now is for you to leave my house

My parents are coming home this afternoon

and I need to start cleaning up

Sorry Dick hair

Those weren't your parents we met last night?

My parents are in Cancun

Yeah Yeah Right.

If you say your parents aren't here,

then we'll just believe that your parents weren't here

Maybe it was your aunt and uncle

I don't care I came here to fuck

and get fucked.

And you know, I got fucked last night Fucked good

Okay Very funny

The, uh, the joke's over

This has been a delightful little prank that you guys have played on me,

but now it's time for you to respect my wishes

and please get the hell out of my house!

Yeah

You're right The whole thing was a prank

After we invited you for a threesome,

I got blueberry yogurt and I smeared it all over my face and your balls

to make it look like you fucked my mouth

And then I dig my fingers in my asshole

and put some of my butt stink on your hands

And then I put some moisturizer up on the ceiling

to make it look like you shoot a load up there

Pooh! Yeah! All a joke

Please just get the hell out

- Fine - Whatever

Please, just... just leave

Ooh So kind

If you say your parents aren't here,

then we'll just believe that your parents aren't here.

Maybe it was your aunt and uncle. Mm-hmm.

Oh thank God

Oh, please, God, don't let them be home

I swear I'll never drink again just... just don't let them be here

Hello

So, you guys are home early

Did you just get in?

How was your second honeymoon?

Oh! No!

Get the hell out of our sight

Okay

How could you!?

How could you!? How could you!?

Ohh!

Len, can we talk?

Um, just a minute

What, you been doing a little spackling work on the ceiling?

Oh, God, Dad, no This... it's not...

Your mother and I are disgusted with you, Len

Well, uh...

Look at her

- You don't understand - Son,

I have one question for you, and I'm only gonna ask it once

Have you been sneaking behind our backs

and being on a hidden camera show?

- What? - Look over there

No No, no, no, no, no! You didn't!

They were in there the whole time?

Gotcha!

No!

Hey, buddy!

Fuck anybody in their mouth lately?

Look at his face!

How could you do this to me?

Wait Who am I?

We roofied you, honey

Wait, wait, wait... so I didn't fuck you

and you didn't fuck me?

Well, I fucked you a little, but it wasn't all faggy

Mr. Tight Sphincter ha ha ha ha!

Mark

Fellas, personal advice from me to you:

Get in there and shave that shit up

Visually, it will give yourself an extra two or three inches

If you're having anal intercourse,

whatever you do,

pull out and deposit your sperm on her back

She'll appreciate it in the long run

Alcohol and sex don't mix

Cocaine and sex

If you don't have a rubber, don't panic, whatever you do

Watch this Ready?

"Hold on a sec, babe Lemme grab my jimmy hat"

And then pantomime

"Oh! It's so small! The rubber"

And then you lock and load

She'll never know

- Damn! - Oh, my God!

Ohh, what died?

Girl, you gotta stop being so comfortable!

- Hey, pretty sweet field trip, huh? - Yeah, it was cool

So, Stacy, I wanted to ask you something

Hey, man, I'm gonna catch you inside, all right?

- Uh - So what'd you want to tell me?

You know what, it can wait

Hey, man, fake any orgasms lately?

- Fuck off - What?

Ew

Are you okay?

Yeah

Why is that guy so tall?

Great Yeah, I should be okay

I'll just go try to clean up before we eat

- Uh, see you inside? - Okay

Sorry!

Guys

Can someone help me get off the bus?

Hello?

- Hello? Ah, there you are

Everybody's waiting for you Come on

Oh, yeah

- Oh, yeah - Oh

Licking, licking

- Oh! Oh! Suck, suck, suck!

Oh, yeah!

Keep 'em shakin'

Show 'em to me

Tits

Ohh, yeah!

That's it, Nance

Cut! Great job, girls

Nancy, nice licking

Very good sucking, too

- Okay, he's here - It's about time

Listen, I know it's your first day,

but we got some stuff to shoot, all right?

- Uh... wha... - Now, listen

The way I view this film,

it's a spiritual successor to Rebel Without A Cause...

only with a lot more fucking Ha ha!

Uh, right Um, you guys, I think there's been a small...

I'm really looking forward to working with you

Jackie and I are especially curious how you got the name Gigundo-cock

Oh, I can't wait to wrap my hands around

the biggest penis in the biz

"Penis"? I haven't heard that word for a long time

- I usually just call it "dinner" - Mmm

Okay, everybody on set!

I told you they wouldn't have any beer

Oh, man, how was I supposed to know?

- Oh, man! Sweet car! Here's the scene:

You've just helped these girls fix their car

And so to repay you, you get to bang 'em

Now, Nancy right here, she's gonna start by blowing you

Then you're gonna do some back-door stuff with Jackie

Bro, check this out

After that, just feel free to improvise

All right

Hey, you gonna need a fluffer?

Uh... uh...

All rightie

let's see that gigundo-cock

And action!

Thank you so much for fixing our car

How can we ever repay you?

What?

- Cut! - Hey, sorry I'm late

I'm Gigundo-cock

Damn

Yeah, I'm not Gigundo-cock

I'm just a small-town hick

An 18-year-old virgin

With a super-tiny dick

Kid, I've seen this once before

A boy who wished he was Ang Lee

Found he couldn't frame a shot

That's right, that little boy was me

It wasn't my first choice

My parents think I'm in college

I thought I'd be doing theater

On Broadway

We're just accidentally

Incidentally, unintentionally making porn

Accidentally, incidentally, unintentionally

Making porn

Not me, I do it 'cause I fuckin' like it

Girl-on-girl pays fifty bucks

I get double for back-door fucks

How I got here I'll never know

Beats Mexico and that donkey show

All these tits got me in the mood

We're the ones who should be getting screwed

Let us be your man-whores

Will someone show these assholes the door?

I found my home here

On this porn set

Better hurry up or I won't stay wet

Fuck yeah!

Wow Thanks for being so cool about everything

I feel like I should tell you, though,

I don't really think this is the life for me

You've got balls, kid

very large balls

You show that kind of confidence in real life,

you're gonna be fine, just fine

All right, let's reset

Back to one

Dude, what happened in there after we left?

Yo, bro, do you know those chicks?

Yeah, Mike! That's what I'm talkin' about!

Dude, yes!

Whoa

Look, Stacy

I'm not sexually experienced,

and I'm not some famous porn star named Gigundo-cock

Look, I'm just some regular kid who just wants to ask out a very

very beautiful girl

Don't call past 10:00

My dad'll kill me

Screw her for me, dude! Yes!

Fellas, you gotta be respectful of your ladies

Whatever you do, don't go around your boys telling them

all the gruesome details

But me, on the other hand, I'm married with two kids,

I like all dirty stuff

This website will go directly to me, and only me

Send me all pictures, streaming videos, letters...

as bizarre as you want

I'll read them all, and masturbate all night

Thank you I'm Matthew Lillard

She's got that kind of booty

Little mama, come here and do me

She's got that kind of booty

The type that'll drive you looney

She's got that kind of booty, pack it up and bring it to me

Smack it up, let's make a movie, she's got that kind of booty

Shake that booty, cutie, up and down and all around

That big ol' juicy brown ass, Shorty, go to town

Kick it smooth like Luther Vandy, so good, like chewing candy

In the middle of M-I-ami, come and sit down on my jammy

We can do it in a big ol' bed

Long as you give me good ol' head

Yeah, girl, that's what I said, no, girl, you don't get no bread

She's got that kind of booty

Little mama, come here and do me

She's got that kind of booty, the type that'll drive you looney

She's got that kind of booty

Pack it up and bring it to me

Smack it up, let's make a movie

She's got that kind of booty

Shorty got that fat ass

Gets 'em harder than a math class

Smilin', don't you act up, just stop and back up

Go ahead and drop that ass low, be easy movin' that slow

Nobody has to know, we in the corner, though

You sippin' champagne, I'm drinking cognac

You do that damn thing, I get to bone that

She's got that kind of booty

Little mama, come here and do me

She's got that kind of booty

The type that'll drive you looney

She's got that kind of booty

Pack it up and bring it to me

Smack it up, let's make a movie

She's got that kind of booty

Shake that booty, sh-sh-shake, shake, shake

Shake that booty, sh-sh-shake, shake, shake

Up and down the stripper pole, got that body all swole

You know my package, right? You can stay the whole night

Lady, what you gotta do is keep me in the back of you

Nobody move you like I do, they call me Mr. Mac-a-do

They counted Tallahassee classic got 'em on my caddy

Girlie, let me be your daddy and we can both be happy

She's got that kind of booty

Little mama, come here and do me

She's got that kind of booty

The type that'll drive you looney

She's got that kind of booty

Pack it up and bring it to me

Smack it up, let's make a movie

She's got that kind of booty

My darling, the stars, they shine for you

My darling, the birds twitter for you

My darling, my heart skips a beat

Whenever I think of you

And under this moonlit sky

I pray and dream that I will be the one, will be the one

That you'll

Bend over and bang good and hard

From behind

Have me on all fours, howling at the sky

I'll give your cock a good long suck

Then you'll give me a good hard fuck

Squeeze my tits, all big and bouncy

Then spunk all over my body

I want to be your buttt-hot greasy slut

Greasy slut

Beggin' for more, for I can't get enough

Can't get enough

When I leave your tool

Used up, worn, and soggy

I won't stop then

Oh, no, no, no

I'll become your little leg-humping doggie

Let me be your dirty, fuckin' whore

Let me be your dirty, fuckin' whore