Original subtitles

Seize the scoundrel!

Hold your position!

Nyah!

Oh!

Huzzah.

Mrs. White in the conservatory

with the rope.

Ah.

Mrs. White with a rope.

How could such a tiny round woman

strangle a man with a rope?

But not this rope.

It's too thick.

Perhaps this weapon would be a good choice

for such a frail old woman.

Mm.

The rope would be a good choice

for Co-lo-nel Mus-tard, hm?

Hm.

And the knife, would be a better weapon for...

the peacock lady.

Guys, I think we're missing the objective

of the game here.

I got it.

Professor Plum in the kitchen with the revolver.

The professor?

But he has such a kind face.

What would push such a man to murder?

Desperation, and love.

Miss Scarlet.

Look, she is in the kitchen also.

He was defending his lady love.

Valiant Professor Plum.

Mm.

Oh no, there are legions more of them.

It's no use.

I cannot go.

But, you must.

Will you go in my place, Sir Dwight?

Tell him I've a bad case of half-off sushi,

and have taken to my bed.

Go where?

To the Swine and Slosh Tavern.

And tell who what?

Brodogg.

Baldric's brother.

Brodogg?

I didn't know you had a brother.

For real, his name is Brodogg?

'Twas my father's name and my grandfather's.

Baldric and Brodogg

went to magician school together.

Oo.

Oh, no,

there is no need to revisit ancient history.

Oh, Baldric, you're such a cutie!

I was, yes.

What is this?

My medal of honor.

Uh.

Give me that, berserker.

I was voted most likely to become

the greatest magician of all time.

Wow, no kidding.

What splendid days those were.

The magician's guild begged me to be their chancellor

and the warrior mages wanted me as their commander.

Oh.

And thank heavens you turned them both down.

You did?

Yes, I received a letter from the queen,

Princess Gretta's mother entreating my help.

Baldric came at once and has never left since.

Consequently my brother, Brodogg

became the chancellor of the magician's guild

and then commander of the warrior mages.

Good for him.

He's been named Greatest Magician

in the Kingdom three consecutive years,

and the kingdom's most eligible bachelor

four consecutive years.

He sounds like kind of a big deal.

Come on, Baldric.

He's your brother,

and he's come all this way to see you.

He has come all this way for a mage's assembly.

Still, he's here.

At least your brother wants to see you.

Now.

What is this?

Hands off my things, berserker.

I am off.

Hands off!

You got this!

Ugh!

And what is this?

Oh.

The Bestiary: A Guide to Magical Creatures.

Oh.

Unicornis Regificus.

How I do love unicorns.

I had a unicorn party for my ninth birthday.

I had a unicorn party for my ninth birthday!

I had a pillaging party for my ninth birthday.

Oh.

Huh.

Oh, Expiravit Iratus.

What's that?

Banshee.

They're trouble.

Nana/ Dwight: Oh, hm.

Horridus Messorum.

That looks a lot like the--

The Grim Reaper.

Oh.

Look.

It's a note from Hexela.

Gretta/Dwight: Oooo.

My sweetest Baldi-boo.

Baldi-boo.

Meet me behind the stocks at half--

past the hour--

Oh, I got it.

Oh, wait for me.

Okay, so about a thousand years ago,

there was this princess, Gretta,

and she was in big trouble 'cause she had lots of enemies

and not a lot of friends.

So her court magician, Baldric cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come,

break the spell with his kiss

and deal with Gretta's big, scary enemies,

but that guy never showed up.

Instead...

Ahhh!

they got me.

Ahhh!

Ow!

Baldric!

Orange Shasta?

Diet.

Rough day?

It is surely about to be.

Gretta!

There's a guy here.

He looks kinda, quite a bit like--

Death.

May I come in?

Of course not.

Too late.

Hold this would you?

Uh.

Wow, Death is a snappy dresser.

Thank you.

Kindly.

Voilà.

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm--

The Grim Reaper.

Grimbo, to my friends.

Do you have any friends?

I have you four.

Oh.

Nana.

You take such good care of yourself.

If everyone were like you, I could finally take a vacation.

Gretta, so close, so many times, my dear,

but you are protected, I can't blame myself.

Kirk, how are you, old friend?

What's the plan?

Stay around here forever?

Invisible and forgotten?

How long do you think

you can delay the inevitable, hmm?

And Dwight, you're the reason I'm here.

M-me?

Mm, you invoked my name, and summoned me.

He did?

Horridus Messorum.

I- I really didn't mean to do that.

Well, uh, I'm here now.

What do you want to do?

Uh.

We're just playing Clue.

Oh.

But you need not stay.

We know how terribly busy you are.

I'm free till sundown.

Then Dwight and I have to get back.

Get back?

Mm.

But there's plenty of time to play Clue.

Where are you taking him?

To regions of the dead.

I can't return empty-handed

and since you're the one who summoned me.

By total accident.

Oo, it really should be you.

Ah.

Keep 'em comin'.

Wanna talk about it, Baldric?

They named me the most likely to become

the greatest magician of all time.

Now look at me.

Hardly better than a royal nanny.

I thought you were a royal nanny.

You're a magician?!

Do a trick!

I do not do tricks.

Dad?

Dad, is that you?

Oh.

Look at you.

I always knew you were an amazing magician.

But this, might be your greatest feat yet.

You've added a half century to your face.

Ho-ho!

Baldric, beckon me back at once.

It's a nine hundred and eleven.

I say we stuff him in the sack.

Okay, and then what?

Sell him to the gypsies.

No, Kirk.

Give me the sack.

The Grim Reaper may only remain in the land

of the living until the setting of the sun

and then must take a soul with him

when he returns to the realm of the dead.

Then can I be Mr. Green?

Uh, sure thing, Grimbo!

I've got the board set up.

Everybody remember how to play?

Oh, oo.

Dice.

I love dice.

Hold up.

Defio mortemus domino!

Uh, no, wait.

Defio, morto, dominus!

Well-played, young man, well-played.

What?

It says right here

if you ever accidentally summon the Grim Reaper--

This happens a lot?

More than you'd think.

You can cheat him by defeating him in a challenge.

So if Sir Dwight defeats you in a challenge

he doesn't have to go with you at sunset.

Correct.

Wow.

That's a loophole.

That I wish more people knew about.

You do?

Mm, makes death a little more fun.

We can do as many challenges as you want.

Let's make it interesting, why don't we?

And then at sunset, fun's over and off we go.

Hm?

Just a sec.

Team huddle.

I don't trust him.

Me neither.

I'll sit on him.

And you run.

Good plan.

There's no use running from death.

You have to best him in a challenge.

Right.

What challenge?

Something you are exceptionally good at.

Mingus.

Never give up on your dreams.

Huh?

Did you want my?

So, big brother.

You were the greatest magician in the kingdom and now,

you have pretzels in your beard.

Huh?

Oh.

Uh, uh.

Well, life happened, Brodogg.

I took a job to help a friend

thinking it would only be temporary.

It was taking care of a small human, wasn't it?

A princess, in fact,

and though she's taken my life in a new direction,

I have no regrets.

Oh-ho-ho.

I have no regrets.

I have no regrets.

I have no regrets.

I love this guy.

Mwah.

I have no regrets.

I love this man.

Wow.

Good job!

Good for you.

What's the name of this game again?

Bottle flipping.

It's actually a lot harder than it--

Just uh, sort of--

Delightful.

Sorry.

And this I got in a little scrap

with the necromancers of Niflia.

Uh, uh, uh.

Behave yourself.

And this I got from a bout

with a bad-tempered beetle beast.

Well, I got this nasty little scar

when I pulled a pan of brownies out of the oven

and in my understandable excitement

forgot to wear an oven mitt!

Oh, ho.

Oo.

Oh, it hurt like the smickens.

Ho, the brownies were delicious.

You better get over here.

Mm, perfectly delicious.

So good.

The tofu is firm, and the lettuce is crispy,

and the cashews are the perfect crunchy.

Good.

Mm. Great.

Now turn your plates around and try contestant number two.

Good, sweet, kind, merciful heavens above,

this is absolutely incredible!

Mm.

The tofu!

The lettuce!

The cashews.

Mwa.

You made more of these, right Dwight?

More?

Where are they?

Help yourselves.

C-H-R-Y-

S-A-N-

T-H-I-M-U-M

Chrysanthemum.

That is a toughie.

C-H-R-Y-S-A-N-

T-H-E-M-U-M.

Chrysanthemum.

Oh.

Sorry.

Oh, Mr. Green in the dining room with the candlestick.

Hm?

Uh, heads.

Mm.

Sorry.

Again.

Are you ready?

You ready, huh?

Huh? Huh?

Huh?

Good e'en.

Couldn't help but notice how attractive we both are.

Yeoaahhh!

I've been looking everywhere for you Baldric.

I need a magician.

A magician.

The greatest magician in the world.

It's your lucky day.

Kind,

tender,

selfless,

devoted,

and dearly, dearly loved.

Shall we go?

Mm-hm.

You're family is waiting for you.

Little brother, you may have fame,

wealth,

strength,

fans,

age-defying good looks,

a confident gaze,

a nice head of hair,

but I,

I am the luckiest man in the world

oh, eleven missed beckonings,

oh,

so you can keep your celebrity

and your abnormally smooth face,

I have this.

A beckoning device?

No, uh.

My little girl, she is my everything.

It was good to see you brother.

Quickly.

Hm.

Who wants to see my snapping dragon scar?

Tails.

Gah!

Do you realize what the statistical probability is

of you getting every coin flip right 212 times in a row?

I know!

I'm curious to see how long I can keep this going.

Tails.

Gah!

Well, it's been fun.

You ready to go?

Is it sunset already?

Yeah.

Time flies.

Grimbo!

Hexela!

You've been avoiding me.

And Baldric,

you're time is coming don't you worry.

What are you doing here, Grimbo?

Well, I was invited.

What?

Horridus Messorum, as it were.

No.

Which one of you dunderheads uttered his name?

That would be me?

Uh.

Oh, it's time to get going.

Not so fast.

We both know the rules.

'Tis true you cannot return to your realm empty-handed,

but there's nothing saying

that Sir Dwight must be the one to go with you.

True enough,

if you think you can find me a volunteer

in the next three minutes.

Uh.

I'll go in Dwight's place.

Absolutely not.

I shall be the one who goes.

Princess!

Heck no!

Forget it!

I insist!

Well, I double-insist.

I'm going by royal decree.

Whatever,

you can't play the princess card with me.

Nah.

Both of you stand aside!

I will go.

Baldric!

Absolutely not!

I am sworn to protect you, princess.

To give my very life if it were necessary.

Well, it isn't.

I shall go in Baldric's place.

Hexela, now.

Uh.

Really?

You're not going anywhere,

you exasperating witch.

If anyone is going, 'tis I.

I'm the one that summoned him,

come on Grimbo, let's get out of here.

No!

Not on your life.

I'll go in Dwight's place.

Yeah, no way.

I'm going and that's final.

Over my dead body!

If you die, I die, remember?

Out of my way.

No!

Don't ever forget me, Baldric!

I'm going!

You will take me.

Kirk.

It would be my honor to escort you.

You are dearly awaited.

No.

In the Hall of the Fallen.

Not me.

Ah, right.

You're verboten.

I'll just wait on the steps.

Barred from the Hall of the Fallen,

until you save one human life.

Kirk!

You are my friend.

Thank you.

Farewell, my lady fair.

Bye, Kirk.

C'mon,

you don't want to be late for your own party.

Party?

Mead and roast beast, and music and dancing.

Your brothers even worked up a special song.

For me?

Well, who else?

Are you ready?

Kirk! Kirk! Kirk!

Catch you all later.

The Co-lon-el of Mu-stard in the billiard room

with the golden bludgeon.

Sir Dwight?

Sorry, what?

You okay, honey bear?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm just really happy we're all here.

I would wish to be nowhere else.

Hm.