Original subtitles

Mm.

I'm gonna say ten more minutes.

You want 'em crispy around the edges.

You know there's raw eggs in that, right?

Raw eggs?

Sir Dwight.

See who's without.

Will do.

Ohhh-ah!

Gretta?

You got company.

Okay, so about a thousand years ago

there was this princess, Gretta, and she was in big trouble

'cause she had lots of enemies and not a lot of friends.

So her court magician, Baldric cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come, break the spell with his kiss,

and deal with Gretta's big, scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up.

Instead...

Ahhhh!

...they got me.

Ah!

Ow!

Baldric!

Baldric!

Just a sec.

What's amiss, Highness?

Bring my crown.

Good heavens!

Today's the day.

Ten years gone in the blink of an eye.

Who are these guys?

Severians.

Severians?

Savages, Sir Dwight.

Bloodlusty rampaging vandals.

Ready?

Admit the savage Severians to our presence.

Me?

Mm.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

Um.

Come on in, guys.

No, you--

Enterrr savage Severians!

Oh.

I'm really--

Oh, my bad.

I, you can--

Oh.

Every tenth year the ruler of Rogemore

will hear the petition of the savage Severians.

This is the day.

You may speak and be heard.

Most terrifying ruler of Rogemore,

your great-great-grandfather conquered the Severians

and brought us under your rule.

Though we fought and poured our blood into the earth

to win our freedom,

your might and magic have ever subjugated us.

One hundred and twenty years ago

our fathers and mothers vowed we would no longer fight.

We have kept that vow.

And today, we petition you for our freedom.

We ask that you return to us the chief stick

of the Severians,

the symbol of our liberty and sovereignty

without which no Severian chief may rule.

No.

What?

The ruler of Rogemore has spoken.

Be gone from hence, savages, and do not darken our door again

until another ten years have passed.

What just happened?

The Severians have come and gone again.

Our hands are washed of them

for another ten years.

So, every ten years these guys show up

and ask if they can please be free now,

and you say no?

We always say no.

Yeah, they've come to expect it.

But they keep coming every ten years?

Tedious savages.

Cannot take a hint in 120 years.

I think they're pretty serious, Gretta.

I think they actually wanna be free

and they want their thing.

Chief stick.

They're savages, Sir Dwight.

They murder and plunder

and eat the livers of their dead.

Ew, for real?

My great-great-grandfather subdued them

and it falls to me to keep them subdued.

Lest the kingdom decline into savagery.

Ooh!

Brownies are done.

Brownies?

Ooh.

Wha--

Come on.

Maybe they just like to wear crazy hair and tattoos

and war paint.

Oh.

Well I hadn't thought of it like that.

We must ready ourselves for possible attack.

What?

Well, if they're painting for war

we can't sit idly by.

I'll take the first watch.

And I the second.

Sir Dwight can take the third.

Mmh.

Lest they get into the house.

Guys, they were in the house five minutes ago

and they were totally cool.

Hm.

What do you think they're playing at?

Impossible to understand these savages.

Mmh.

You're gonna wanna let those cool.

Mm.

Yeah, of course.

Baldric/Gretta:

Two o'clock in the morning

and all is well.

Hey, I know you.

Wake up, Sir Dwight.

Roust yourself you feather-headed poop-noddy.

Guys, I was up 'til two in the morning.

You failed at your watch

and the consequences are disastrous.

What?

Hm.

Oh, what happened to your chair?

This is the throne of Rogemore.

And Rogemore is...?

My kingdom.

Oh.

Severian savages entered during your watch.

Yeah, yeah, I remember.

It was the girl.

The pretty one with the hair, about our age.

Did she...

you know.

Militsa.

You know her?

The last of the Severian royal line.

Oh, so that would make her a princess, right?

A chief.

But no Severian chief may rule...

Without the chief stick.

Which she has just stolen.

Your chair leg?

Throne leg.

Is the Severian chief stick?

My great-great-grandfather

subdued the Severians.

Stole their stick.

And built it into his throne.

Ah.

That is so uncool.

We leave at once.

At once.

Where to?

To find the savage Severian sneak thief

and take back what's mine.

Well, technically hers.

Let's away.

So, the Severians get their chief stick back

and they get to be their own bosses again.

I mean, would that really be the end of the world?

Baldric/Gretta: Yes.

My great-great-grandfather

conquered them.

And thus began the period

known as the Severian nuisance.

Battles, skirmishes, raids, attacks.

The Severians were a nightmare.

Good for them.

Until 120 years ago...

Plus a thousand.

...my family crushed them into submission.

The Severians were so entirely decimated

that they made a vow of peace.

They would never fight again and in exchange

we would hear out their petition once every ten years.

And ignore it.

Exactly.

Why?

What are you getting out of this?

Not much.

The Severians pay a tribute of barley twice a year.

They do?

Mm.

Oh, is that what that is?

I thought it was bird food.

You guys are the worst.

Wha--

Shh.

Do you hear that?

Carry on.

It was nothing.

Aw floof.

Baldric.

Mm, ah.

Ogre.

Is that oregano?

Sir Dwight,

can you reach the dagger in my boot?

Negative.

Oh, oh.

Wahhh!

Curse those Severians.

If not for them

I would be eating brownies in bed right now.

Or you could've just let 'em have their stick.

Ah.

Baldric, can you reach the knife at my side?

Baldric/Gretta:

Sadly no.

This is all Militsa's fault.

Breaking into my house, stealing my throne leg.

Her chief stick.

Forcing me to chase her into the woods.

Could've not.

And here we are.

Hey, you had your chance to let the Severians go.

So this is my fault?

Look, all I'm sayin' is conquering a people

and repressing them for generations,

it has consequences.

The Severians would kill us all in our sleep

if we let them.

Yeah see, you know,

I really don't get that vibe from them.

Thanks to you we shall be made into a prin-mag-iot.

Uhh.

A princess roasted between a magician and an idiot.

Hey!

Mhmmh.

Wake me when the fire starts.

I would like to ride that elephant.

You kissed me.

Mm.

Mmhh.

Guys?

Hey.

What's the matter?

No one knows you're here.

Okay.

Or what I've done.

Uhh--

They would not approve.

You just saved our lives.

That ogre was gonna cook us.

Well, ogres must eat too.

Yeah.

Yeah, I get it.

I mean, I'm not judgin'.

I just uh...

How did you um, do that?

Oh.

The sound.

It lulls the hearer to sleep.

But you didn't fall asleep?

I'm accustomed to it.

Oh.

Cool.

We wish harm to no one.

Not to you, not to the ogre,

not even to the ruler of Rogemore

and her magician.

We keep the vow.

The vow?

In the reign of my great-great-grandmother

our people were conquered by the Rogemore barbarians

and so began a time known as the Severian night.

Battle after battle raged

as we tried to win back our freedom,

but in the end our people,

they were crushed into the ground.

Our fathers and mothers could not bear the thought

of more of our children's blood loss

so they made a Severian vow that we would fight no more.

I mean, I'm a pacifist myself

but you can't just let people push you around.

I agree with you but Samo.

Samo?

My advisor.

He and the others live by their honor

and the ancient code.

When a Severian gives her word,

not only she but her grandchildren keep it.

Whoa.

That's hardcore.

Uh!

Urgh!

Hey, knock it off.

Put that thing away.

Shhh.

Shh.

Shhh.

Who do you think saved us from that ogre?

Quiet.

Her?

Why?

Ahh!

Hairy frogs!

Shhh.

Hey, hey.

Wake up big guy.

Come on, man.

Princess.

Hey, hey, she's fine.

We're fine.

Thanks to her.

What do you make of this, savage?

Okay, can we stop with the savage thing?

They're obviously not savages.

Stay behind me.

What have you done, child?

Samo.

She just saved our lives.

What have you done?

For 120 years we have petitioned

for our freedom from these barbarian overlords.

Barbarian?

They live by war and blood.

They eat the brains of their own dead.

No, we don't.

That was one time.

They will kill us in our beds if they wish to.

I've never killed anyone in their bed.

But even this death is more pleasing to me

than a life of servitude.

I am Militsa, the last heir of the house of Severia,

and this...

This belongs to me.

I have waited all my life to bow before a Severian chief

but I cannot bow to a thief.

Our fathers and mothers made a Severian vow

to the barbarians that we would keep the peace

and that in return they would hear our petitions.

Worst deal ever.

We share your desire for freedom, child.

There is no freedom in dishonor.

We are not like the brutish barbarians.

Brutish?

When a Severian gives his word,

not only he but his grandchildren keep it.

Ruler of Rogemore.

This was stolen from you by this reckless child.

Well, first it was stolen from you guys

by her psycho grandpa.

Quick word.

If you take that stick, it makes you a total dirtbag.

I am the ruler of Rogemore.

And I'm the PTA student liaison.

Who cares.

Neither of us gets to repress a civilization.

I may not agree with tradition

but it is not for me to change.

Then who's it for?

Generations of my family--

Are dead!

They did a bunch of things

for reasons that probably made sense to them.

You weren't there to tell them what to do.

They're not here to tell you what to do.

That was then.

This is today.

It is up to you to do the right thing.

This is today and they're not here.

I am.

Baldric, I have revised my opinion of the Severians.

As have I.

They are a peaceful, noble people.

Militsa saved us when she could've killed us.

Right.

So just give 'em their stick back.

I can't do that Sir Dwight.

I can.

You misunderstand me.

The Severians may only take their freedom

in no other way than by the terms of the vow.

A Severian vow is a binding oath.

That even their grandchildren are stuck with.

Accordingly, they may only accept their chief stick

within 24 hours of making their petition.

Militsa, how long were we asleep?

About an hour.

And I gotta ask, how did you carry

all three of us by yourself to the tent?

Okay.

So, if we hurry we can still do this.

Then let it be done.

Ready?

Highness.

Admit the noble Severians to our presence.

You got it.

Hey guys.

Oh.

Uh.

Enter noble Severians.

Hey.

Every ten years the ruler of Rogemore

will hear the petition of the Severians.

This is that day.

You may speak and be heard.

Ruler of Rogemore,

your great-great-grandfather conquered the Severians

and brought us under your rule.

Though we have fought and poured our blood

into the earth to win our freedom,

your might and magic have ever subjugated us.

One hundred and twenty years ago our fathers and mothers

made a vow that we would no longer fight.

We have kept the vow.

We come on this day to petition for our freedom.

We ask that you return to us the chief stick

of the Severians.

the symbol of our liberty and sovereignty,

without which no Severian chief may rule.

Sir Dwight.

Oh.

Here you go.

The ruler of Rogemore has no claim on you.

That which was taken by my house

is now restored by my hand.

Go Militsa, chief of the Severians.

Rule your people in peace.

My chief.

Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.

Dwight/Severians: Wooooh!

Ah.

Huzzah!

Oh.

Brownies.

They taste even better than they smell.

You're gonna wanna let those cool for a minute.

You eat them like this.

Or just jump right in there.

Militsa/Gretta:

There's really no wrong way to do it.

Militsa/Gretta: