Original subtitles

Previously on Dwight in Shining Armor.

She comes from a lake shaped like a crescent.

This is a map.

In particular, of the dark realm,

where dark forces dwell, and should not be disturbed.

Osric's army defeated the Tovenaars

and then buried their bones

in secret regions throughout the world.

Every place a Tovenaar's bones were buried

they made dark realms.

We found the dark realm.

Where?

Here.

This village was built on its bones.

W- Winnie!

There's more to life than school, Gretta.

Indeed, there is.

There's also extra-curriculars.

Stuff you do for school, outside of school.

More school?

And this one also gives you extra credit

in English.

Huh?

What exactly goes on here?

The Daily Woodchuck.

Hm.

A news chronicle.

The best investigative journalism in Woodside.

You remember the, uh, expired True Moo

in the vending machine?

Uuuch.

These are the guys that broke that story.

Oh.

Right?

I still think the news is best when sung.

Unngh.

Unless... no.

Follow up on cafeteria worker, Bergerman.

What or who is behind no more Pizza Friday?

Happy Friday, Woodchuckians!

Gann, Rosenfeld,

kudos on breaking the upstairs leaky faucet story.

Yes.

Principal Shoemaker was left with no choice

but to allocate funds for a new valve.

And we've had 31 hits on our website

in the last hour alone!

Yes!

That, people, is the kind of hard-charging journalism

we're striving for at The Daily Woodchuck.

Am I right? Or am I right?

Huh?

Am I right? Or am I right?

He's right, he's right.

Okay, time is story.

'Boy's Lacrosse Wins First Game in Two Years.'

Who has that one?

Parker, Gillespie, kill it.

Has anyone actually seen a woodchuck in Woodside?

Anybody?

Keep the streak alive, guys, keep the streak alive.

Principal Shoemaker addresses controversy

of slow reaction time to leaky faucet.

McCollis, McCollis, the truth must prevail.

Hey, and work together this time!

Dwight.

What brings you to Woodside High's beacon of truth?

Hey, well Gretta and I thought we'd try our hand

at some student journalism.

And one of us really needs the extra credit help.

Whoof.

My sources tell me you're preparing for a role

in an as yet unannounced Lord of the Rings reboot.

We can neither confirm nor deny.

Total committment.

Love that.

So, yeah, you got anything for us, Zeke?

Maybe.

I could use some more eyes and ears on a lead

that just came in.

We've got eyes.

And ears.

What's the lead?

Two guys reported seeing a monster

in Woodside Lake.

Sounds... kooky.

Probably,

but I've seen things that will blow your mind.

At The Daily Woodchuck?

Enough to teach me that anything is possible.

But, a lake monster?

I, uh.

And we have a picture.

We do?

Nah, there's nothing

that a blurry, grainy surveillance photo would...

oh, that is crystal clear.

But I mean, that's, that's still pretty far away,

wouldn't you say?

I mean, that, that, I, uh,

oh, and now we're up its nose.

Pff, that could be anything,

a mermaid?

Not a mermaid.

An aquatic elf?

What?

Huh?

If not a monster, what is it?

Let's go talk to Dronelover 99, shall we?

If the Wyvern is discovered,

it will create a panic among the peasants.

It's not the panic I'm worried about.

Nothing incites a panic among the peasants

like a dragon.

Well, what's more likely

is that Woodside would be overrun with tourists.

Hm?

Look what happened at Loch Ness!

We have to stop Zeke.

Okay, so about a thousand years ago,

there was this princess, Gretta

and she was in big trouble

because she had lots of enemies

and not a lot of friends.

So her court magician, Baldric cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come,

break the spell with his kiss,

and deal with Gretta's big, scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up.

Aah!

Instead...

they got me.

Ah!

Ow!

I mean, it really could be anything.

A submerged tree,

a really large turtle.

The helmet of an ogress.

Not helping.

Hm, keeping all options on the table,

I like it.

Day one of the monster in the lake investigation,

Zeke Pickering here.

Dronelover 98: We got it!

We got the monster!

Zoom out.

You're too close, zoom out!

What does it look like I'm doing?

Nooo!

Oh.

Nooo.

It's not the monster.

Ah, man.

That's... bummer.

A duck.

You were freaking out over a duck.

Give me that.

It's still my turn.

You must be Dronelover 99!

Well, I'm 98, he's 99.

Oh.

Tell me about the monster.

Uh, alleged monster/probable turtle.

We've been filming for like an hour.

Thirty-eight minutes.

Filming what?

Dronelover 98: Part of the kayaking adventure package.

Dronelover 99: We do paddleboats too.

Okay, so you were filming a kayaker--

Dronelover 98: When this head, creature thing,

suddenly broke the surface.

Dronelover 99: It was fantastic.

My greatest discovery yet.

Dronelover 98: Oh, so now it's your discovery?

And it already has 831 views.

Dronelover 99: Well, if somebody hadn't forgot

to charge the drone,

we could have gotten more than one good shot of it.

Well, maybe if somebody knew

how to operate the zoom button, then this--

Did the Wyv--

Uh, uh, the,

the uh, mysterious dragon-like creature

linger above the surface for very long?

Long enough to eat a raccoon.

Ha!

Rules out submerged tree.

Yeah, probably.

The drone!

Dronelover 98 & 99: Ah!

Drone, drone, drone.

Could Woodside actually have a monster swimming

in its lake or are we just dealing

with two attention-starved weirdies,

and their elaborate hoax.

Hoax!

Yes!

Yes, hoax,

that's, it's so obvious.

Reconvene tomorrow at 8 a.m.

Yeah.

The peasant is good.

Too good.

Good, Zeke's not here.

We have to find out what he knows,

knock him off the trail.

I don't usually advocate this type of invasion of privacy

but, in this case...

It's just a little trick I learned on YouTube.

It's all in the wrist action.

'Kay.

He'll be here any minute.

Look for anything out of the ordinary.

Would that be out of the ordinary?

He did all that in one night?

What kind of obsessed, crazed person

are we dealing with?

Algae!

Gretta and Dwight:

What are you doing in my office?

Dwight and Gretta:

It's... 8:03.

Oh.

Yeah, must have fallen asleep,

but I did make some headway last night.

Give me a second here.

You just...

Ah.

Okay, what if the sun reflecting off the south rock,

hit the yellow algae on the west side of the lake

at the exact moment the kayaker paddled

through the east cove,

creating a one-in-a-million optical illusion?

I.e. Woodside's lake monster.

- Of course! - I love it!

I loved it too, until the video came in.

The video?

Wedding Planner: So, I was standing here

ordering a case of buttermints.

Color?

Pink.

And I look up and I see this, on the monitor.

It's from our outside security cameras.

You can barely tell that it's her.

That it, that it's,

it's an it, it's an it.

It.

Okay, yeah.

That's a little better, but you can't,

yup, yup,

that's absolutely immaculate.

Uh, was there anything else?

And no is a perfectly acceptable answer.

Wedding Planner: There was a song that it sang,

like a Taylor Swift revenge song.

If Taylor Swift ate raccoons and had scales.

Now, now, now see, if you had audio,

then maybe this would be helpful,

but, oh, you got it.

Okay.

Um.

No, no, I,

you still can't really hear anything,

but it might be muffled.

Yeah, there it is...

Most unsettling.

Yeah, I would say more Lady Gaga,

than Taylor Swift,

but I see where she was going with it.

What does this exasperating wyvern want now?

I don't know,

but we've gotta put a lid on it before it gets...

Free the lake monster!

...out of control.

He's just misunderstood,

like, he just wants love, you know.

There's nothing to be afraid of, monster,

we love you!

We love you!

We love you!

Dronelover 98: Get your monster shirts here!

Buy three,

get one "I heart the beast" hat half off.

Oh.

Today only!

Oh.

So cheesy.

You know, it--

it's this kind of gross commercialism

that destroys nice little towns every day.

This is not the panicked frenzy I expected.

What kind of peasants aren't afraid of a dragon?

Make for the hills!

She'll eat your young ones!

Nothing.

Well, she's just minding her own business,

just swimming around.

I mean, she's not gonna eat anybody, she's just...

She's trying to tell us something.

But what?

Mm.

Hm.

Unicorn tail.

Yes.

You think this will work?

Sh.

Griffin milk.

Yeah, oo.

Careful.

Oh, oh.

Mm.

Huh.

Ha, ha, ha.

I do believe it worked.

Hm.

Hexela.

You are the woman of my--

Evacuate!

Hexie, are you all right?

Ah.

What's amiss?

Not griffin milk.

Obviously.

I'm afraid we have dire news.

Maybe dire, we don't really know.

The wyvern has surfaced in Crescent Lake.

What?

Why?

Perhaps to beckon us.

Yeah, I have the audio drop

from the wedding planner.

Hm.

Mm-hm.

Oh.

Oh my.

There's a half off sale at Bernwick's Ale and Cheese.

Gretta, Baldric and Hexela: Ooo.

Yes.

Wait, no.

Play that last part again.

The, the, the...

Uh.

Forgive me.

Um, ruin, desolation, dark times return.

And that sounded like half off at Bernbob's?

Bernwick's.

Wyvernese is a very complex dialect.

Huh.

Dark times return.

Wh-what does that mean?

Dark times.

If it means what I fear--

We must find out for certain.

Mm-hm.

Yes.

I'll speak to the wyvern.

Mm.

But how?

I mean, there's tourists everywhere

and Zeke's all over the story.

Well, don't worry,

I'll turn them into parsnips.

No.

I understand your objection.

Cabbages, then.

Ah, yes.

Ah.

You think I think cabbages are better?

I know I do.

Wouldn't you rather be a cabbage than a parsnip?

Hm?

Who wouldn't?

I've been a parsnip.

When have you been a pars--

you, you, know, no.

Never mind.

No!

No cabbages, no parsnips.

We'll just-- we'll just go out to the south bank.

No one's ever on that side of the lake.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm.

Mm, delicious.

Mi-i-i-.

Fangirl 2: Where is it?

We're here for you!

Fangirl 2: Run away with me, lake beast.

So many peasants.

Uh, false alarm everybody!

There's no lake monster here.

Sorry.

Maybe go check by the paddle boats.

Yeah.

At least Zeke's not here.

Huh.

And there you are.

Putting in the overtime.

Love the hustle, Woodchuckians.

Diversion. Now.

Something, anything.

Leave it to me.

Behold, the creature!

Ha, ha.

Ah.

Ha, ha.

Wah!

There's the real story, Zeke.

See right there?

This, this lake monster mania is a danger to the public.

Pandemonium at Woodside Lake.

Grown man tripped three times in three seconds.

Follow me, peasants!

Quickly.

Oh, girl sprains ankle.

Another drops her phone.

Public safety message.

Let's go interview the survivors.

Yeah?

Oh, well met, child of a thief.

Where is my champion?

Your champion?

My message is for him.

He had to run off.

I owe him a debt of gratitude.

I'll give him the message.

I'll wait.

I don't believe it!

It's the... it's the...

Okay.

I think I lost Zeke.

Oh, great, I thought I lost you.

The lake monster.

Uh, there is a, a really simple explanation, um,

Gretta, you want to take this one?

It's coming!

He's here!

Uh, guys.

New York Times eat your heart out.

Dronelover 99: I told you this was a stupid idea.

Huh.

Fangirl 3: It's a hoax.

Nooo!

Dronelover 98: Wait! Wait!

The video, it was real.

We just,

we just wanted to give the crowd a little excitement.

Sell, sell some shirts.

Dronelover 99: Her idea.

I'll go on record.

Dronelover 98: Please!

Hoax.

Just a hoax?

For just a second, I thought...

but it still feels like I'm missing something.

Something obvious.

Right in front of my face, but what?

Winnie!

What am I missing?

Probably just a little sleep, man.

Ah, come on, don't take it so hard.

At least you solved the leaky fountain mystery.

I mean, that was great.

Right?

Yeah.

Right?

Okay.

See you at school.

Well, the lake monster story has deflated

as fast as it arrived.

Just a couple of sad, lonely geeks

looking for a little attention.

Oh, oh.

Baldric!

Oh, oh.

I have kindling in my crevices.

Oh.

You really took one for the team, man.

Ah!

My Lady Wyvern.

The evil that was buried here long ago is unearthed.

It rises.

It gathers strength.

If you desire to save your own life, run.

If you desire to save this land, stay...

And fight.

Got it.

I will stand with you.

I appreciate that.

Winnie and Hexela:

So, let's hope week two of our journalism career

is a little less eventful.

Afternoon, people.

McCollis, McCollis, well done

on the Principal Shoemaker response piece.

Fair, but unwavering.

Parker, Gillespie, nice Woodchuck pics.

And Dwight, Gretta, the three of us

are teaming up on a new lead.

Bring it.

Mysterious holes are turning up all over Woodside.