Original subtitles

'Kay, so this ought to get you up to speed.

Who are you?

Sir Aldred of Westfold at your service.

Now, Princess, I see your predicament.

What predicament?

But the solution is as plain.

What solution?

Unbinding spell.

It would loose Sir Dwight from his obligation

as your champion.

What?

How?

It requires that another take Sir Dwight's place.

Who?

I offer myself as your champion,

if it so please you.

So, we've been thinking about your offer.

Sir Aldred of Westfold,

you are the champion of my choice.

Yah!

Chlodwig, who is this guy?

The devil himself.

Where is the princess?

To the woods, and quickly!

There's no time to lose.

Mm-mm-mm.

You're a miracle worker.

I've been called worse.

Do tell me, Sir Dwight,

this remarkably accomplished young man,

this Sir Aldred of Westfold,

did he perhaps bear a scar on his right forearm?

Yeah, yeah, one of the big chihuahuas bit him.

And someone wrote a song about it.

I think I may have heard it.

Keep the change.

Thank you.

And where is Sir Aldred now?

Just hanging at Gretta's.

I think he's camping out there tonight.

I see.

Uh, oh.

Come by in the morning,

I'm sure he'd love to give you his autograph.

Oh, for best results, hold a kitten or a bunny

at least, mm, 10 minutes before bed.

Yes ma'am.

Baldric on phone: Stop pushing things in my face, Sir Dwight.

Dwight on phone: Say your name.

Baldric on phone: You know my name.

Dwight on phone: It's for when people call you.

Baldric on phone: If they call to me

we can assume they know my name.

Dwight on phone: You've reached Baldric's phone.

Leave a message.

He'll probably never call you back.

Baldric on phone: Who are you talking to?

Chlodwig, who is this guy?

The devil himself.

Where is the princess?

Well, she went back with him.

And Baldric?

To the woods and quickly.

There's no time to lose.

Okay, so about a thousand years ago

there was this princess, Gretta.

And she was in big trouble

because she had lots of enemies and not a lot of friends.

So her court magician, Baldric cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods to sleep

until a champion would come, break the spell with his kiss

and deal with Gretta's big, scary enemies.

But that guy never showed up.

Instead...

Ah!

they got me.

Ah!

Ow!

Tell us everything you know

about this Sir Aldred guy.

If that's even his name.

He has many names.

This one he has not worn for centuries.

Centuries?

He is no ordinary knight,

and certainly no hero.

An imposter!

A tovenaar.

Impossible.

Not impossible, Your Highness,

inevitable.

What's a tovliar?

Tovenaar.

An evil this world has not seen for 15 centuries.

'Kay.

The tovenaars were a brotherhood of dark wizards,

souless creatures who must have been human once

though so long ago, there's no record of it.

They grew in numbers and in terrible strength...

And it seemed

that their cruel tyranny would plunge the world

into neverending night,

until a champion came forth,

Osric of the House of Moondragon.

Osric the Grim.

We've got a bust of that guy.

Isn't he Gretta's relative?

Eleventh great grandfather, I believe.

The founder of the House of Moondragon.

He raised an army,

allied himself with magicians and witches and mages

of noble heart,

and gave battle to the tovenaars.

The tovenaars fell, all destroyed save one.

Sir Aldred.

The last of the tovenaars?

Are you sure?

Like, like sure, sure?

He and I have crossed paths before.

Baldric!

Oh! Pookie-boo!

My brave darling.

Oh.

Are my wounds mortal?

I see only a scratch or two.

And a little bloody nose.

Oh.

What happened?

Uh.

The villain struck a blow to my face, and--

Dwight and Chlodwig: Took your blood, spittle and tears?

How did you know?

There's pretty much nobody this guy hasn't punched

in the face today.

This is how he gains his abilities.

He steals them.

Once he possesses your blood, spittle and tears,

he possesses your skills as well.

Scumbag.

There's not a wizard alive

who can command that spell.

There is one.

No.

No.

Uh.

He's taken my scepter.

And Princess Gretta!

We're going to find her, Baldric.

Hurry, lest we find her too late.

Sir Aldred: Blood,

spittle,

and tears.

Ah.

That's all I need from you.

Baldric said he would meet us here?

Sir Aldred: Indeed, after he stables my horse

and gathers provisions.

Mm.

Do you know where he's taken her?

The secret chamber.

We can't just charge in there.

This guy is like Voldemort meets Sauron

with a Darth Vader cape.

Baldric and Hexela: Hm?

We need a plan.

He's right.

I shall devise a strategy of attack.

Or maybe something

a little less directly confrontational?

Prince Chlodwig and Sir Dwight

will enter the chamber through the west passage.

Ah!

And lure the villain into an inescapable pit!

What inescapable pit?

We shall have to find one.

And speedily.

How are we going to speedily find

an inescapable pit?

Never doubt me, Sir Dwight.

Uh!

You two will distract Sir Aldred,

while Hexela and I approach through the south corridor.

And strike when he least expects.

Yes, something must completely absorb his attention.

To the west passage!

I think I shall go help Baldric in the stables.

Sir Aldred: No!

Don't trouble yourself.

Tell me, Princess, what was the use of this chamber?

It was the most secure place in the castle.

It served as a retreat if calamity should strike.

Ah, I have heard of this chamber.

Was there not a stone box in it?

One to secure items of value?

Not that I know of.

Think.

A stone box, marked with this emblem.

Well, if there was such a box with such an emblem,

Baldric would certainly know of it.

I think I'll go find him.

Ha!

Who are you?

Sir Aldred: Guess.

The emblem on your throat, what is it?

Sir Aldred: You should know,

Gretta of the House of Moondragon.

Ah!

Ha!

Is this still the west passage?

I'm a little turned around.

Chlodwig?

Sir Dwight!

Huh! Chlodwig!

Sir Dwight, I have found an inescapable pit!

You're kidding?

Really?

Good for you, man.

Just as I planned it.

Wait, you planned this?

Almost exactly.

Except in my plan,

Sir Aldred falls in the inescapable pit,

not I.

Here, see if you can grab my hand.

It's no use, Sir Dwight.

The pit is inescapable.

Well, I'll just find a rope or something.

No time.

Princess Gretta is in the clutches of a tovenaar.

You must find her without delay!

Okay.

Sit tight, I'll be back.

Sir Aldred: I've stolen the abilities of hundreds of people

over hundreds of years.

I could kill you in an instant, little princess.

Then why don't you, coward?

Sir Aldred: Because my greatest joy in life

is to use my enemies' own skills against him,

or her as the case may be.

Ah!

Hey there!

Sir Aldred: Ah, your champion.

Sir Dwight!

Run for help!

He's a thief and a villain, and--

Toviar.

Sir Aldred: I think you mean tovenaar.

No.

Yes.

But the tovenaars are extinct.

Technically, endangered.

Sir Dwight, go for this throat!

Ah!

I'm not going for anybody's throat.

Violence is the problem, not the solution.

Hundred percent agree.

I think if we just talk this through,

there's a way that we can all get what we want

and go home happy.

Don't listen to him, Sir Dwight.

Sir Aldred: I just think

communication breaks down barriers.

Absolutely.

Sir Aldred: So if we're all open, then solution-minded,

we can all win.

This guy is making a lot of sense.

He's using your skills against you.

How 'bout I start?

I need something.

It belongs to a friend of mine

and I think it might have ended up here in this secret chamber.

All right.

What is it?

It's hard to describe,

but it's in a stone box with this emblem on it.

You help me find it, then we all part as friends.

'Kay.

That's easy.

Looks like a stone box to me.

You're right.

It's so obvious, how could I have missed it?

Teamwork makes the dream work.

There you go.

Sir Aldred:

Dwight and Sir Aldred:

Sir Aldred: My deepest thanks.

And now I will leave you with a trick I picked up

from a peg-legged, Ruthenian wizard.

Ah!

I never tire of this spell.

It's simple, useful and wildly entertaining.

It compels its victims to dance the Hopak

until they die of exhaustion.

What happened to parting as friends?

Save your breath, here come the kicks.

Uh.

I do enjoy a good Hopak.

♪ Hey!

Listen carefully, Baldric.

When he is throroughly distracted, that's when you act.

You will know the moment.

What are you going--

Sh!

But I-- Sss.

I don't-- Ttt.

Hm. Mm.

Hm.

My sweet love, trust me.

Ah!

Empty!

Hail, Sir Aldred of Westfold.

Hexela.

It's been a long time.

Far too long.

This demon is an aquaintance of yours?

Hardly a demon.

Hardly an acquaintance.

You broke my heart, Hexela.

Oh, silly goose.

We both know you haven't a heart.

Sir Aldred:

How I've missed you.

I was sure you'd forgotten

about me centuries ago.

Just how old are you?

And more kicks.

Ah, floof!

Sir Aldred: You are a woman not easily forgotten.

Tell me, what brings you to this castle?

Back into my life?

Sir Aldred: I might ask you the same.

Well, fate surely.

I knew our last goodbye was not our last goodbye.

I've been waiting for this moment,

this is it.

The moment.

Uh.

Sir Aldred: If only you had joined us Hexie.

Nothing against the brotherhood,

but we desperately needed a woman's perspective.

Agreed.

What you fellows always lacked was flair.

Hm.

Uh!

Ah!

My own objectification spell!

Well, I'll take that as a complement, my darling.

As you should, my dearest.

Give me that witch!

Sir Aldred: Gladly, I must be on my way.

Hexela!

Are you all right?

Where were you?

That was a glorious opportunity.

More like a glorious kiss on the lips!

And he was thoroughly distracted.

Ah, uh, was he though?

Yeah.

Were you?

Thoroughly.

Well aren't you a darling.

Sir Aldred: Well, this has been the most disappointing day

I've had in centuries.

Truly it's going to be a depressing journal entry.

The only bright spot I have is all of you

and the knowledge I take with me,

that you will shortly die agonizing deaths.

Unhand my scepter, you thief.

Ah, so this is the famed scepter.

The one that decimated the armies of Oakmond.

The one that turned to cinders the necromancers of Brunevaard.

Until today,

you were the only magician in the world

with the skill to wield it.

Aaaaah!

HALT!

Chlodwig!

You got out.

Sadly, yes.

The pit was not after all inescapable.

Oh! Bummer!

Is this everyone?!

Are you waiting on any more members of your rescue party?

Only the witch.

Ah, all present, yes.

I warn you.

Don't!

Baldric and Hexela: Oh!

Oh!

Make haste!

Time is not our friend.

Would you mind, Sir Dwight?

Thank you.

Quickly!

So hard to find a solid man these days.

Someone want to tell me

why we're running away from a puddle?

A puddle of evil.

What?

How long do we have?

Difficult to say Your Highness.

Weeks?

Days?

More likely hours.

Before what?

Before Sir Aldred is back.

But wait, isn't he, you know, dead?

Somewhat dead.

For the moment.

Wait.

You didn't think a tovenaar would stay dead, did you?

Yeah, I kinda did.

Not so, Sir Dwight.

He thought he was dead dead.

Let's go.

Tovenaars are creatures of evil,

as Osric the Grim learned when he met them in battle.

They can be killed like other men,

but unlike other men, they don't stay killed.

Osric and the House of Moondragon

fought the tovenaars for decades.

But how can one vanquish an enemy

that rises again each time he falls?

Finally Osric found the answer

that saved the world from desolation.

I know this part.

Mummy used to tell me this story to terrify me

into staying in my bed at night.

Oh.

A kinda good mom.

The only way to make sure

a dead tovenaar stays dead,

you must separate his bones and bury each bone alone.

Exactly as Osric did.

A grim task to be sure.

Is that why they called him Osric the Grim?

Apparently he was always grim,

even as a child.

Osric's army defeated the tovenaars

and then buried their bones in secret regions

throughout the world.

Each bone separate from every other to ensure

that no tovenaar could ever rise again.

Their evil went with them, into the ground.

Every place a tovenaar's bones were buried

became a dark realm.

Wait, didn't you say

that Woodside was built on a dark realm?

We did.

Oh, so underneath Woodside is just a bunch

of undead super bad guy bones.

The bones of a tovenaar.

Oh, uh.

Chances are, he's not coming back.

He was looking for something in your castle.

It wasn't there.

So, I'm sure he's off doing

some evil wizard stuff someplace else.

We can only hope.

You came to my rescue today,

knowing you would have to face the tovenaar.

To be honest,

I had no idea what that even was.

You're a rare person, Sir Dwight.

I would be most grateful if you would continue

as my champion.

Yeah, okay.

I mean, I kinda thought I would

after Sir Aldred turned out to be a--

Undead creature of evil?

Yeah.

So we're back on?

Indeed we are.