Original subtitles

MAN 1: You have to take care of this.

[MACHINE BEEPING]

This shows this is higher.

[SIREN WAILING]

MAN: Attention. We have a situation on sublevel three.

A situation on sublevel three.

All personnel, report to emergency stations.

All personnel, report to the emergency stations.

[SIREN CONTINUES WAILING]

MAN 2: It's out of control! What are we gonna do, sir?

Danger? There's no danger, governor.

We have the situation well in hand.

-How bad? -Radioactive water is leaking...

...from sublevel three. It could contaminate the whole town.

That's not so bad.

Block off the area. Scrub it down just to be safe.

If we could just shut down for 48 hours--

Shut down? They'll investigate us.

I'll have the EPA, the NRC...

...not to mention the PTA on my ass for the next six years.

-But, sir, I think that if we-- -I don't give a wet fart what you think.

This plant stays open.

[BELL RINGS]

[ALL CHATTERING]

Shut up!

Where is Eddie Harold?

-Oh, he told me to tell you he was sick. -Heh.

Well? Do you know what's wrong with him?

Yeah. He's sick of this class.

[BOTH LAUGH]

You wouldn't be laughing so hard if you knew what kind of grades you made...

...from those papers you handed in yesterday.

The only person who put any effort into his project...

...is Dewy Martin.

[GAGGING]

To whom I gave an A plus.

WESTLY [ON SPEAKER]: Can I have your attention, please?

This is a routine nuclear emergency evacuation drill.

In case of an accident at the nearby nuclear power plant...

...we have to be able to evacuate the school quickly and efficiently.

[GRUNTING]

WESTLY: So, teachers, line up your students next to the door...

...until a hall monitor can escort them out to the bus.

All right, class, line up by the door.

So how are things going with Chrissy? If you know what I mean.

Hey, Dewy, get your hands off of me, okay?

-So how are things? -What are you talking about?

I mean, you ever gonna get in her pants?

Dewy.

Dewy, get your little faggot hands off of me.

[GROWLING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

ALL: Fight, fight, fight!

Fight, fight, fight!

Fight, fight, fight!

Dewy, I hope it wasn't something I said.

Come on, Dewy. Dewy, get off him!

ALL: Fight, fight, fight!

Fight, fight, fight!

[ALL SCREAMING]

Hold up! Hold--

[ALL SCREAMING]

WOMAN: Dewy's dead. Oh, no!

That's one way to evacuate the building.

[DEVICE CLICKING]

-Warren, look. WARREN: Hmm.

CHRISSY: What are they doing here?

I don't know. They must be taking radiation levels.

Better to be safe than sorry. Especially after what happened to Dewy.

REPORTER: Look, there's Paley.

ALL: Paley. Paley.

Is there a connection between the suicide of the high school student...

-...and this plant? -Don't be ridiculous. Excuse me please.

BOY: Let's do it.

GIRL: I can't. Because I don't want to.

So far, we have found no connection...

...between that unfortunate student and this facility.

In fact, we have uncovered...

...that the victim had not one but two microwave ovens...

...which we believe to be a contributing factor.

-Hi, Warren. -Hey, Chrissy. How was the bio test?

Ugh, I got frog guts all over my shirt.

CHRISSY: Mm. Ew. WARREN: Ew.

Heh, hey, Warren. How's it hanging?

Eddie, come here. Come here, come here.

Unless you want, uh, Cathy here to see your ears ripped off...

...I suggest you make like a hockey stick and get the fuck out of here, all right?

Hey, don't worry.

Cathy and I have some extracurricular activities to take care of.

WARREN: Heh. -I'll see you later at the gym, huh?

[BARKING]

EDDIE: Hey, down here, Cathy.

-Heh, you wanna go in? CATHY: Mm-hm, ha, ha.

[BOTH MOANING]

[SCREAMS]

[GRUNTS]

You disgusting pig! Ugh!

[SPUTTERS]

Nuclear power is clean, safe and efficient.

The good citizens of Tromaville depend on us.

This plant will be here long after most of you are gone.

GREG: Hey, uh, Chrissy, give me a hand.

Greg.

I can't believe any college will take you next year.

You're so gross.

Gross, huh? You should've seen the girl I picked up in the video arcade Saturday.

She was gross. What a hairy ass.

Yeah. Speaking about gross, what do you think about poor old Dewy?

[GAGGING]

Heh, yeah, I know. I mean, it's a shame, the poor kid just went and flipped out.

Well, who would have figured goody-goody Dewy as a psycho?

Yeah. I always thought he was just an ass-wipe myself.

-Ugh! -I can't believe you guys.

How do you explain the weird things going on around here since the plant opened?

Remember Mrs. Brooks?

Losing all of her hair.

And breaking out in those scuzzy-looking sores, overnight.

-She looked better that way. WARREN: Now, come on, guys, look.

Chrissy has a point. A lot of people around here have been acting nuts.

EDDIE: There's no radiation around here.

We're too far away from the power plant.

At least a quarter of a mile.

Besides, even if there was a little radiation around here...

...who gives a shit?

It may just be my woman's intuition...

...but something's going on.

-Look around you. -Whoa.

[MAN YELLS]

CHRISSY: Remember those guys?

They were the honor society.

Now look at them.

[SHOUTS]

[GRUNTS]

I remember in debating class...

...they suddenly stopped debating, and they beat up Mr. Blewitt.

Yeah, the change was instant.

There they are, one day, a bunch of clean-cut preppies...

...and the next, they're a bunch of violent perverted cretins.

[ALL YELLING]

TOM: Height is progressive.

But the diameter is proportionate to the radius.

-See? -Okay, Tom.

-We'll see you later, all right? Whoo. -Maybe.

What's the matter? You asked me to help.

Hey, weed head.

Hi, guys, uh....

What's up?

-Your time is up, faggot. -Argh.

You still owe us money for the joints you bought yesterday.

But I'm broke.

Oh, he's broke.

The money!

-I've got a few bucks. -He's got a few bucks.

Now, I want $20 by noon today.

I can't get it by noon. Give me more time.

[SCREAMS]

I'll get it.

Good.

[MOANING]

Let's go.

Goodbye.

[ALL GRUNTING]

[MOANING]

[ALL GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[WHOOPING]

Look out!

[ALL SCREAMING]

GONZO: Hey. -Gonzo...

...what took you so long?

I'm getting tired of waiting around for you.

Ever since you got kicked out of honor society...

...all you do is sit around all day, picking your rings and watching MTV.

You watch what you say about MTV!

Hey, you keep your stinking bone to yourself, all right?

Spike is waiting in the back of the school.

Now you gotta go get some weed from the power plant.

I've gotta date with Muffey.

Hey, you better get going, Gonzo.

Hey. What about me?

Oh, ugh, I'm sorry, babe, but business is business.

That's all you ever think about is business.

You never pay any attention to me.

Oh, heh, that's what you get when you're in love with a yuppie.

Let's go.

Hey, Harry, what do you got?

I got chicken food again. Now, what do you got?

Eggs and Spam.

Hey, Ron, we're here, heh.

Hey.

Hey, check out those high school creeps.

MAN: Hey, Ronnie. -Hey, Ron.

Hey, come on. We're here for our deliveries.

Oh, crap.

-Be right back. -Where you going?

Are you trying to get me fired?

Come on, you weren't supposed to be here until tonight.

Why do you care?

Besides, we got your money.

You know, I cannot understand how you get away with growing this shit here?

What if someone sees it?

Ahh!

This is a maximum security area.

Nobody's allowed back here.

Why don't you guys just hurry up and get lost, huh?

Relax, Ronnie.

Why don't you go play with some plutonium or something, huh?

-Leave us alone. -Argh.

I cannot believe how fast this shit grows out here.

I got an idea.

We can call it an atomic high.

Then we can charge the kids more money for it.

Yeah.

[ALL LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

Hi, girls. Do you mind if we sit down?

ALL [IN UNISON]: Yes. -Thanks.

-Unh. -Whatever it is, we don't wanna hear it.

Well, we haven't said anything yet.

I can tell you're just dying to hear what I have to say.

So I won't keep you in suspense any longer.

I happen to know a guy at state...

...who can get us into the Pi Delta Gamma party Saturday night.

Eddie, you just wanna get in our pants, so forget it.

EDDIE: Boy, some gratitude.

What kind of a guy do you think I am anyway?

You know what kind of guy you are?

Did you ever see a cockroach and you go, "yuck"?

Well, you make cockroaches go, "yuck."

Hey, toots, this is a perfect opportunity to pick up a college senior.

But if you're not interested--

Wait a minute. Girls, this could be interesting.

So you'll meet me at my house at, uh....

Eight o'clock, heh.

Oh, I forgot to tell you one thing.

It's an indoor beach party...

...so, uh, wear your bikinis.

ALL: Bikinis!

I told you--

I told you I'm not going to the party.

Midterms are coming up. I've gotta start cramming.

Cramming? Listen, Warry...

...if you wanna prepare to go to college, you gotta start ramming.

[LAUGHS]

-Turn around. -Come on, Eddie, shut up, will you?

Come on, man. This is the opportunity of a lifetime.

Besides, maybe they'll like us and invite us to the frat next year.

-Yeah. -Hey, Chrissy is not gonna go.

She knows what kind of party you guys have.

Come on. She'll go if you go.

-The other girls will go if Chrissy goes. -Right.

MAN: Loose joints, the best joints in town.

They get you up, up, up, and you never come down.

-Whoa, Sundance. -Wait--

I've got some dynamic, fantastic weed for you...

...if you're interested.

No, thanks.

Wait a minute. Maybe we should get some for the party.

All right. How much?

-Ten dollars. -For how many?

For one.

-One joint? -One joint?

What, are you guys, nuts?

Whoa, whoa, this is special merchandise.

It's worth it.

Do we look stupid enough to believe that.

-Yeah, you do. -Ha, ha. Ha, ha.

I think he's right. Why don't we buy one?

We'll take one. We'll take one, heh.

-Ten dollars. EDDIE: Oh.

-Um.... -Ten dollars.

And, uh, we call this weed an atomic high.

[GIBBERING]

[MIMICS EXPLOSION]

You should see what it does to the ladies.

It gets them real hot, unh.

They love it.

Wait. Maybe we should give it to Warren.

Warren? Let him buy his own shit. Besides, he doesn't even smoke.

Yeah, but it might make Chrissy a little more agreeable.

To go to the party.

[LAUGHING]

[PEOPLE CHEERING]

[BELCHES]

[BAND PLAYING ROCK MUSIC]

[SINGING]

[SCREAMING]

MAN: Whoa.

I kind of wish we had gone to that Fellini movie instead.

Are you kidding? This is a Fellini movie.

EDDIE: Hey, Warren.

Hey, all right!

What took you so long? I was afraid you weren't gonna make it, heh.

GIRLS: Hi, Chrissy. -Hi.

-Aah! -Whoo.

Hey, have you ever seen so much poontang...

...under one roof in your life?

Warren, you have really classy friends.

[LAUGHING]

[ALL GASP]

What's wrong?

Humph.

MAN: Nothing. -Hey. I've got some exciting friends...

-...to introduce you to. Come on, man. -Chrissy, I--

Come on.

I think this party is a little too wild for Warren and I.

-Oh, relax, Chrissy. -Yeah, relax.

[BELCHES]

Ew.

Hey, Warren, why don't you look around you?

Don't you feel a little, uh, left out?

Come on, guys. I mean, I'd love to sleep with Chrissy but...

...she's shy. I don't wanna rush her.

Look, I'd love to sleep with Warren but--

ALL: But what? -But he's shy.

And I don't wanna be too pushy.

Hey, look, I'm not saying you should rush her.

I'm saying you should give her 15, 20 minutes, and then jump on her.

Listen, Chrissy, if you want anything to happen, you gotta make it happen.

I mean, guys are jerks. You gotta do everything for them.

Warren's going away to school next year...

...and there's gonna be hot and cold running bimbos everywhere, honey.

He may forget you PDQ.

-That's right. -Take it from me.

EDDIE: Hey.

We got a little gift for you.

Come on. Get that out of my face, Eddie.

-You wouldn't believe what this cost. -Yeah.

-The least you could do is try it. -And what is this?

It's not for you, that's what it is.

Are you gonna smoke it without me, Eddie?

Well, whose is it, Eddie?

EDDIE: It's for Warren and Chrissy. Heh. -What?

[COUGHING]

EDDIE: Come on, Warren. Come on.

Ahem, wait.

That is not the way it's done.

Watch.

-Here, toots. EDDIE: Come on, Chrissy.

-Ha-ha-ha! GIRL: Come on, Chrissy.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Come on, Chrissy.

GIRL: It's gonna feel good. EDDIE: Come on, Chrissy.

[COUGHS]

One isn't enough. You gotta take another one.

Come on, Warren. Ha-ha-ha!

GIRL: Warry, come on, try it.

I want you to-- You know you're gonna like it.

Ooh, yeah.

Ugh, I feel sick.

Yeah, me too.

Look.

[EDDIE GASPS]

[SCREAMING]

It's ruined!

I don't believe it.

Chrissy, you want to go? Let's go to the Fellini movie.

You panty waste.

I'll go upstairs and get our coats.

EDDIE: A pox on you! Ruined.

I don't believe it.

Greg, it's ruined.

Greg.

Aah!

[SIGHS]

[MOANING]

I have to take Chrissy to the movies. You guys will do all right by yourselves. Jesus.

[HUMMING]

Well, I don't know. What's the big deal about smoking grass anyway, Chrissy?

I mean, I don't even feel anything.

How about you, Chrissy?

-You don't feel anything. -Warren.

-Huh? -I want you.

-Chrissy. -Warren.

Chrissy, are you--?

Are you okay?

-I feel just wonderful. -Huh?

Chrissy, um...

...you sure you're okay? I mean, you look a little hot.

Warren, I am hot.

Hey, poor Warren, huh? We tried to help him...

...but he's never gonna get laid by that stuck-up girlfriend of his.

You can say that again. Let's give the girls a break...

-...and make our move. -Ooh, whoa, oh, yeah, heh.

Hey, baby, you wanna go snorkeling?

[GRUNTS]

GIRL: Beat it, creep.

I think she loves me.

-I want that joint. -Ha-ha-ha.

I want that joint.

You had a joint a long time ago. I put it out.

Not that joint.

[MOANING]

Warren, I want you now.

Here, now? Chrissy, we can't. There's a party going on downstairs.

We can't?

Oh, yeah.

[GASPS]

[CHUCKLING]

Well, maybe I was wrong.

[GRUNTS]

Ooh.

Mm.

Does this mean we don't get to go to the Fellini Festival?

Warren, fuck the Fellini Festival.

[LAUGHING]

-I love you. -I love you too.

[MOANING]

-So, what do you think? -You know what I think?

-Chrissy and Warren will never last. -Why give a shit? It's not your problem.

-Yeah, bro. -Right on.

That girl is just so tight, man.

She'd make a great trampoline for midgets, heh.

BOTH: Huh?

Whoa.

-We've got to get more of that pot, man. -Yeah.

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

-Call me. -I will.

I hate to say this...

...but I think we owe Eddie and Greg a favor.

-Bye. -Okay.

Whoo.

[SIGHS]

WARREN: Come on, guys.

I mean, I'd love to sleep with Chrissy, but she's shy.

I don't wanna rush her.

CHRISSY: I want that joint.

WARREN: Chrissy, we can't. There's a party going on.

GREG: Come on, Chrissy.

CHRISSY: I love you too.

EDDIE: Come on, Chrissy.

You can't get pregnant the first time.

CHRISSY: I want that joint.

EDDIE: I'm saying you should give her 15, 20 minutes...

...and then jump on her.

[GROANING]

GREG: Poor Warren, huh? We tried to help him...

...but he's never gonna get laid by that stuck-up girlfriend of his.

WARREN: I love you.

EDDIE: Come on, Warren, can't you get it up?

[GROANING]

[SIGHS]

CHRISSY: Look, I'd love to sleep with Warren, but he's shy.

And I don't wanna be too pushy.

I want you now.

GIRL: Chrissy, if you want anything to happen, you gotta make it happen.

GREG: Man, we've got to get more of that pot.

EDDIE: Yeah.

CHRISSY: I love you too. WARREN: I love you.

GIRL: You can't get pregnant the first time.

You can't get pregnant the first time.

[SCREAMS]

[GROANING]

[GASPS]

[SCREAMING]

WARREN: I don't know. What's the big deal about smoking grass anyway, Chrissy?

EDDIE: Come on, Warren. GREG: You can do it.

Come on, Warren.

[GROANING]

[SCREAMING]

[BOTH GASP]

[SIGHS]

[BELL RINGING]

-Ooh. GIRL: Ouch.

Hey, lover boy.

Is it still hanging or what, Warren?

What did you put in that shit that you gave me last night?

Usual, I guess. Why?

Because I got sick, that's why.

Yeah, lovesick, heh.

Anyway, you got wasted, not sick. There is a difference.

Yeah? I got wasted, then I got sick.

I started hallucinating.

Where did you get that from anyway?

From the Cretins. There was this guy Pete--

The Cretins.

Those guys are animals. I mean, they could've put anything in it.

So, Chrissy, how was it Saturday night?

-Cathy, what are you talking about? CATHY: Heh.

[GASPS THEN SIGHS]

-Warren. -It's only me.

I'll see you later.

You know, I'm still feeling kind of yucky.

Yeah, me too.

Chrissy, you know, this may sound ridiculous but, um...

...have you ever, uh, hallucinated at all?

-You too? -Yeah.

[SIGHS]

Where did Eddie get that stuff?

-He said from those damn Cretins. -The Cretins?

Oh, great.

[GULPING]

CHRISSY: Ugh!

Sit down, fuckface.

-Warren. -I don't care, Chrissy.

Someone should do something about those pigs.

Well, let somebody else do it.

I don't want you getting hurt.

Come in.

-Did you study? -Yes.

Ha, ha. Come in.

[SPEAKING IN GERMAN]

[MOANING]

Hope I'm not late.

[MOANING]

[GASPS]

[SIGHS]

[MOANING]

-Are you all right? -Damn.

I'm gonna kill those bums.

Who?

[GASPING]

The Cretins for making Chrissy and me so sick.

Mom? I'm home.

WOMAN: Wipe your feet...

...and don't forget to do your homework before dinner.

[ENERGY CRACKLING]

[COUGHS]

[RAP MUSIC PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]

[GROANING]

-Did you get it? -Yeah.

I knew I had some somewhere.

-Now we can get some bread. -Yeah.

Look.

[GROANING]

Lady, lady, you gotta help me. My friend is having an epileptic seizure.

Oh, my goodness. Should we call an ambulance?

Oh, no, no, no. Look at him, he could die any minute.

There's no time. He's gonna bite his tongue off.

I need something soft to put in his mouth.

Get the fucking pocketbook.

The pocketbook. Your pocketbook.

-Oh, you could save a life. -No.

Oh, thank you. Thank you.

[LAUGHS]

[GASPS]

[SCREAMS]

Shut up!

[WOMAN GRUNTING]

Spike, come on!

Coming!

-Hey, Pete. -Hey, Beethoven.

Hey, where's Spike?

Who the hell is that?

I don't know.

It looks like Warren Brant.

But he looks a little messed up to me.

Yeah, we'll get him.

Now, don't you use that Alka-Seltzer gag on me, asshole.

It's already been done.

I'm gonna get him.

Unh. Aah!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[TIRES SCREECH]

Come on, Spike, you must remember something, man.

I remember everything.

Pete and Beethoven were fighting with this lunatic.

I jumped the guy from behind.

Next thing I know, I was out.

When I woke up...

...they were dead.

I did not see who wasted them.

You got close enough to get tossed on your ass.

You must have seen something?

I'm telling you I only saw him from behind.

Sure.

The really weird thing about it, though, was it looked like Warren Brant.

What?

[ALL LAUGHING]

[GASPS]

WOMAN: What's that spell?

Troma, Troma, Troma!

Baby, baby, baby.

Where's your spirit?

Where's your energy?

Come on now. Stick your stomachs in like I do.

And now let's go. With spirit.

-Give me a T! ALL: T!

GIRL: Give me a R! ALL: R!

GIRL: Give me an O! ALL: O!

GIRL: Give me a M! ALL: M!

GIRL: Give me an A! ALL: A!

A--!

[GROANING]

That's good, Chrissy!

That's the spirit.

Come on now, let's do it again.

Unh.

GIRL: Oh, my God.

[GASPING]

[SCREAMING]

[SNARLING]

GIRL 1: Look. What happened to Chrissy?

GIRL 2: Where are they taking her?

[SIREN WAILING]

WOMAN [OVER PA]: Calling Dr. Howard.

Dr. Fine. Dr. Howard.

-She'll be fine, Mrs. Murphy. -What's the problem?

She's always been such a healthy child.

Mrs. Murphy, I don't know how to tell you this...

...but your daughter had a miscarriage.

Oh, heh, a miscarriage.

A miscarriage? Aah!

A miscarriage. You don't know what you're talking about.

My Chrissy would never have done such a thing. She's a good girl.

-She couldn't have even been pregnant. -Mrs. Murphy, please calm down.

Now, all the tests and examinations that we've done...

...show conclusively that your daughter was, in fact, nine months pregnant.

She was full term.

Chrissy?

God.

Chrissy, I feel so bad.

Warren...

...I'm really scared.

I can't remember a thing.

Warren, tell me what happened.

I can understand your reaction, but research has shown me...

...when parents are unable to deal with their children's difficulties...

...they subconsciously block them out.

Take the case of teenage pregnancy, which gives--

-Mrs. Murphy-- -Oh, you! You filthy pig!

-What's the matter. -What have you done to my baby?

Mrs. Murphy, I don't understand.

[HUMMING]

[GASPS]

[SCREAMING]

[MONSTER SNARLING]

[BELL RINGS]

WARREN: You know, it's all your fault that Chrissy got sick.

-Warren, you've got to learn to lighten up. -Lighten up?

You went and poisoned me, and I'm supposed to lighten up?

Hey, you weren't so upset with me Saturday night, were you, huh?

Well, no.

What do you think I wanna change the subject for?

Hey...

-...you wanna see something weird? -What?

EDDIE: Heh, come on.

Come on. Come on, come on.

-Isn't this great? -Yeah, what is it?

What is it? It's a laser, that's what.

Mr. Hyde just got it in last week.

Hey, better watch it, Eddie, this could be dangerous.

Watch out, girls, for the biggest schlong since John Dillinger.

Come on, heh. Point that thing in the other direction, will you?

Yeah. I'd like to point this in Judy's direction. She'd love it.

[LAUGHING]

-Having fun, Eddie? -Yeah. I mean, no.

Eddie, don't you think you should put that down?

-Yeah. -Why? Is it dangerous?

If you were to aim this laser...

...at the radioactive isotope samples we have here...

...this whole building would be blown into oblivion and you with it.

Oh, get your gluteus maximi out of here.

It's after 3. You shouldn't be here.

[GROWLS]

[SIGHS]

Mm-mm-mm.

[SCREAMS THEN GLASS SHATTERS]

The girl's room is across from the arts class.

Shut up and put that little pecker back in your pants.

What do you want?

I want a man.

I want a real man.

Not a faggot like you.

Can't you be a real man?

Now, what's taking so long here?

Do I have to watch you every minute?

[WHIMPERING]

That's better.

Now, what seems to be the problem here?

What--? There is no problem.

I paid you for those joints.

Time to buy more, heh.

But I don't want any more.

You know you love this atomic high.

It's only $20.

-Twenty dollars? GONZO: That's right.

The price has just gone up.

[LAUGHING]

-They were watermelons. -My back teeth are floating.

-I gotta take a leak, heh. I'll see you later. -Don't fall in.

BOY: Hey. Stop it.

GONZO: Ha-ha-ha! -Hey.

You're not gonna poison any more kids!

Hey!

Get out of here, kid. Don't mess with this stuff, it's poison.

Brant, you're history.

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[CHUCKLING]

[GROANING]

[SCREAMS]

[ALL GRUNTING]

[GROANING]

BOB: What's going on here? Go back to class.

BOY: Fight, fight, fight! -Come on. Go ahead.

[WARREN GROANING]

[BUBBLING]

Freeze!

Drop that bone.

GONZO: Oh.

This is going on your permanent record.

[WARREN COUGHING]

Brant...

...go to the nurse's office.

All right, you three, let's go.

See what he did.

He started it.

BOB: Come on, let's go.

-Move. Move. -Scumbag.

BOB: Move it. Let's go.

Let's go. Move.

-Come on, move. -Aah!

Come on.

Come on, move. Get in there.

What's going on here, Bob?

I just broke up a fight and found this...

...on one of them.

That's going on their permanent record. Frisk them.

All right, all of you, get against the wall and spread your legs.

You'd love it if I spread my legs, wouldn't--?

BOB: Shut up.

GIRL: Enjoying yourself?

[ALL LAUGH]

BOB: That way.

[BREAKS WIND]

Ugh.

Hey, stop that.

[GROWLS]

What's happened to you people?

Six months ago, you were the honor society...

...not a drug-pushing gang of thugs.

I have no choice in the matter. You've had several warnings.

I'll have to recommend immediate expulsion for all of you.

Kiss my ass, you old fart.

Unh. Bob, quick, call the police.

-If I ever catch any of you in here again-- -Stuff it, man. It's a free country.

We'll go wherever we want.

Not in my school, you can't!

Try and stop us.

We'll be back.

We're the youth of today.

God bless America, limpdick.

[ALL SINGING "THE STAR-SPANGLED BANNER"]

MAN: Unh, help.

[GROANING]

[GROANING]

[DEVICE CLICKING]

I gotta get to class. I'll see you later, all right?

Warren, look.

-What the hell they doing here? -Hey, guys. Did you hear what happened?

Yeah. They canceled biology class.

-Are you serious? EDDIE: Yeah.

And they closed the east wing of the school too.

What did they do that for?

Who cares? As long as we got out of class, man.

ALL [CHANTING]: Move it, move it

We got the ball so, let's go

We got the ball so move it move it

We got the ball so....

[COUGHING]

Ahem, I can't breathe in this thing.

There's no radiation down here.

[DEVICE CLICKING]

I don't believe this.

Typical. This equipment is no good.

The needle is right off the scale.

What's this? It looks like somebody blew their nose in here.

[SIGHS]

Huh?

Mm? Hmm. Huh.

Huh? Hmm?

Hmm?

Oh, shit.

[GRUNTING]

Ooh, ew.

Holy shit. What is all this green stuff?

Yuck!

That does it.

I'm getting out of here.

[SNIFFING]

What is that smell?

Oh, God, I gotta check it out.

What the hell is making that noise?

[SCREAMING]

I don't give a dry fart, get your ass in gear.

-Well? -East wing of the school is contaminated!

Shit. Weren't there three of you?

Yes, but the other guy hasn't come back yet.

We have to scrub down the entire area.

-The whole east wing? That'll take days. -No, we can't do that.

Call Westly.

Tell him he's got structural damage.

-Structural damage? -Tell him anything you want.

Tell him we'll go in at night, so he doesn't have to close the school.

Don't mention anything about radioactivity, no matter what you do.

-Get going. MEN [IN UNISON]: Yes, sir.

Hey, don't fuck this up.

[IN UNISON] Yes, sir.

Come on, Sam, I need a drink. Let's go to my office.

I'm getting tired of waiting for Spike.

I think I should take over because I got some plans.

BOY 1: Yeah. BOY 2: Back at those guys.

How's it going?

Lousy, man. It's going lousy.

Business sucks. Ever since we got kicked out of school...

...we ain't got no more prepubescents to sell our dope to.

That's right, man, and you ain't done shit about it.

-That's right. -I'm tired of this--

Shut up!

Now, it was Warren Grant that got us kicked out of school, right?

-Fucking a right. Let's try something new. -Yeah.

I've got an idea to get even with Warren and the school all at the same time.

-How? -How?

Maybe this will give you an idea.

[ALL CHEERING]

[GONZO GIBBERS]

PETE: Gonzo, shut up.

Buddy, you and Gonzo go get that fat Mr. Westly...

...to turn on the emergency evacuation alarm.

Muffey, you get Chrissy and take her to Taru.

She's down in the fallout shelter.

Oh, I'd love to get Chrissy.

-I can't wait to see what Taru does to her. -Oh, yeah.

[ALL CHEERING]

Shut up!

What are you all trying to do, attract attention?

Let's go.

GONZO: That's exactly what I'm talking about.

[GASPS]

There's a very attractive person with red hair...

...waiting for you downstairs.

Put this on, bitch.

TARU: Get in there! Get in here, bitch.

-I didn't do anything to you. -Come on in here.

Let me go.

You bitch!

Nobody does that to Taru! You're gonna pay for that.

-You and your fucking boyfriend. -Let me go.

-Get in there. -Just let me go.

-Bitch. Fucking bitch. -I didn't do anything to you.

[GONZO GIBBERS]

MUFFEY: Shh.

[ALL CHUCKLE]

GONZO: Surprise.

Where's the emergency evacuation alarm, Mr. Westly?

[GROANS]

-I can't hear you. -Ha-ha-ha!

Here's that pedigree bitch you wanted.

Hi, Chrissy.

[WHIMPERING]

[GRUNTS]

-Bitch bit me. -Aah!

All right, where's the alarm? Come on, I'm getting tired of hitting you.

Come on. Let's go. Where is it? Where is it?

[GASPS]

Hey, didn't anybody ever tell you to knock before entering a room?

[SCREAMING]

[ALL LAUGH]

Now, Westly, you're next, unless you tell us where that alarm button is.

On the console, the third button on the right.

That wasn't so hard, now was it, bubby?

[COUGHING]

Can I have your attention, please?

This is not a drill.

This is a nuclear emergency.

Please evacuate your school immediately.

I repeat, this is not a drill.

[SIREN WAILING]

All right, class, let's leave this building in an orderly manner.

[ALL SCREAMING]

PETE: Let's go.

[GONZO LAUGHING]

You know what that is, Chrissy?

That's the emergency evacuation alarm.

You know what that means?

Heh, everyone's leaving the building, heh.

Chrissy.

[ALL SCREAMING]

[PHONE RINGS]

Bert Paley. Yeah?

Panic at the high school?

Contamination, what contamination? That's bullshit.

[SIREN WAILING]

WARREN: Chrissy.

-Any of you seen Chrissy? -Maybe she split like we should have.

Come on, she wouldn't have left without telling me.

Go tell Warren we got Chrissy.

Yeah, and what if he don't believe me?

The necklace.

[SCREAMING]

Give that to him. He'll believe you. Ha-ha-ha

[MOANING]

Move it!

I'll be right over. Yeah-- Shut up. I'll be right over.

[MAN BLOWING ON MICROPHONE]

MAN: Can I have your attention, please? -Chrissy?

-Bob, you see Chrissy? -No, I didn't.

-What? -Taru told me to give this to you.

She's waiting for you in the school's basement.

MAN: Please be calm until we find out whether it's safe...

-...or not to go inside the building. -Chrissy!

Hey, I gave that faggot the necklace. Let's go.

[ALL CHEERING]

[GONZO GIBBERS]

[WHOOPING]

[GRUNTS]

[GONZO GIBBERING]

[ALL CHEERING]

Chrissy.

Warren!

Chrissy!

Chrissy.

Back off, asshole, or I'll cut her fucking throat.

What do you want from me?

I don't want anything from you, Warren.

Chrissy's got what I want.

[LAUGHING]

Now, what should I slice on first, huh?

Back off. Mm-mm-mm.

Her fingers.

No, I already cut her hand.

I know.

Her nipples?

Yeah.

Her nipples.

Taru, you used to be the science major.

Care to perform a little minor surgery?

Love to.

Back off.

You can look...

...but don't touch.

[LAUGHS]

Wait a minute, Taru.

Maybe Warren would like to carve the turkey.

[SCREAMING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

[WHOOPING]

[SCREAMING]

[WHOOPING]

[ALL MUTTERING]

What the hell's going on?

Don't you know? The emergency siren went off.

That only happens when there's a radiation leak at the plant.

You're nuts. It's perfectly normal at the plant.

-Then why'd the alarm go off? -Don't know, but I'm about to find out.

Where you going? You can't go in there until we find out if it's safe or not.

FINLEY: Yeah. Look out.

What are we gonna do?

All right. I'm gonna tell you what. Let's make a run for it, okay?

Come on, let's go. Come on.

[WHOOPING]

[CACKLING]

[SCREAMING]

GONZO: Huh?

[CRYING]

[GROANING]

Untie me, quick.

-What the hell happened? -It's all a prank.

The goddamn gang invaded the school.

Bob, I want you to hang them by their balls.

I don't give a shit even if they are kids.

[CACKLING]

[GROWLING]

Huh? Huh?

What was that?

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

[PANTING]

[SCREAMS]

[BOTH SCREAM]

Stand up.

Come on. Up, up.

-Time to die! -Aah!

Spike, listen, I know what that thing is out there.

And if you kill us, you're not gonna get out of here alive either.

Whether I live or die, that ain't the question, heh.

All I know is you're gonna die.

[SPIKE GIGGLING]

[GASPS]

Say goodbye, Chrissy.

[SCREAMS]

I'm sorry, we just didn't get to know each other a little better, cunt.

[GROANS]

[SCREAMING]

[ROARING]

-Aah! -Hold on. No.

[SCREAMING]

Come on, Chrissy, let's go. Let's get out of here!

[SCREAMING]

WARREN: Chrissy!

CHRISSY: No!

No!

No!

WARREN: Come on. Come on, Chrissy.

Now look at this vandalism.

[SCREAMS]

WARREN: Oh, my God.

Go, Chrissy.

-What the hell's going on? -We gotta get out of here--

-What happened down there? -Get out of here.

-Just get lost. WARREN: Come on.

Everybody's gotta panic.

[MONSTER GROWLING]

[ALL SCREAMING]

[MAN CLEARS THROAT]

MAN [OVER PA]: Can I have your attention, please?

Your attention, please?

Tromaville High School will be temporary closed for remodeling.

All right.

[ALL CHEERING]

Hey, Greg, do you think college is gonna be this wild or what?

I hope so. Yeah.

[SNARLS]