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Fuck you, Jake.

I don't have enough money to buy more cigarettes.

Shit!

He took my money. That son of a bitch.

Shit.

John... Hi, it's Jane...

Sorry, yeah Dolce...

Yeah I'm okay, how are you?

Good.

Actually, I'm going to be leaving town...

Well, I was hoping that maybe we could set up...

Yeah, one last time...

Oh, I was... I was thinking this afternoon...

You would? Thank you...

Yeah, sure that would be great...

Yeah, I'll see you then.

Yeah, right.

Hi, I saw your ad for models...

Nudes, yes...

Yes...

I have a lot of experience...

My name is Dolce...

Yeah...

Tonight...

Okay...

That's good...

Where are you?

Alright, yeah I can be there...

Okay, I'll see ya.

Hi, I just read your ad online...

You're looking for nude models?

I like that.

Zack! Hi, it's Dolce.

Jane, sorry...

How are you?

Good! Good...

Yeah, well, I'm good...

No, I am not drunk... much...

Shut up! That's not why I'm calling...

How've you been?

Yeah...

Yeah, actually I have been... Yeah...

And my equipment sucks, but I'm working on that

and I'm going to make some money and fix it...

Seriously...

Yeah!

In fact, I was wondering if that job was still open?

I know it was a long time ago, come on!

You don't want to work with me anymore?

No I am, I'm coming back to Michigan... I promise...

No...

No, I'm not going to flake out this time...

Come on Zack...

Of course I want to work with you, who else would I work with?

Okay... Yes... Yes!

Oh, yes I have a project...

I could send you some shots. Thinking I could maybe make a book...

Alright... Yeah, I'll do that...

Okay...

No, soon, so... I'll be in touch?

Great...

You too... Okay...

Thank you Zack...

Bye.

Alright.

Beautiful.

Beautiful, beautiful...

Good.

That was cool. Put your arm back up on the pole there...

Perfect.

So cool.

Mom, Hi. How are you?

No, no, no, no, nothing's wrong.

Actually, I'm, I'm coming home...

Mom? Are you there?

Ma?

Yes, yes I know what that means...

No, no I haven't touched anything in, awhile...

Yes, the booze too.

I even quit smoking...

No, no one's here...

I quit that too...

Why? Why?

I don't know I guess I knew where I was headed...

Actually I have a job set up...

Yes, I think it's going to be good.

Something that I, I'm good at...

Yes, I have some money... I wouldn't come home otherwise...

No, I won't, I wouldn't do that again...

How is he?

Well I think about him all the time...

Yeah, could you, could you tell him that I, that I miss him,

and that I, I'm coming home...

I don't know a few weeks, or something...

Yeah, okay, sure...

No, I'm, I'm okay... I am...

Thanks...

So I should go but I will see you soon...

Okay...

Bye.

Yeah? No, let me stop you...

I'm done.

Don't ever call me again.

It's right there, right there...

Marvelous...

Oh, yes, yes, hold that, hold that.

Wonderful.

Yes, right there...

I like that one.

Do you think maybe you could put your hand on your shoulder?

Wouldn't you rather I put my hand somewhere else?

Maybe my face? My neck?

My breast? Maybe somewhere lower?

Maybe.

Yeah. Maybe.

I, I should get that.

Of course you should.

Oh my fucking God!

Bob, why didn't you tell me Dolce was the other model?

I didn't think you knew who she was.

Are you kidding me? It is such an honor to meet you.

I am such a fan. You're the whole reason I started modeling.

Thanks.

Dolce, if you could put your hand on Viral's shoulder, please? Thank you...

Oh yeah, this one's beautiful...

That's amazing...

Perfect...

Yes, yes, right there. Wonderful.

Oh, yes, yes. Perfection.

You have any plans?

Dinner, then drive a bit, then get a cheap room.

- I've got a better idea. Shoot me. - I don't think so.

Please? You're as good behind the camera as you are in front of it.

Not yet.

So practice with me.

It would mean everything to me to have some of your pictures in my port.

And I'll pose however you want. Anything goes.

The craziest thing you can think of, I'll do.

I'll pay for the room, and buy dinner...

Please, please, please, please? Please?

You're a persistent little thing, aren't you?

Thank you.

You're the best, Bob.

- I, I'll email you my favorite pictures. - Great, thank you.

- See you in a few weeks? - Oh, oh, you're leaving now?

- Dolce's going to shoot me, right? - Sure, what the fuck.

That a deal?

Shall we?

Yeah... We have to stop at a liquor store first.

If there is anything special you'd like me to wear,

Bob just bought me all these new panties...

- Cute, no? - Adorable.

Here's mud in your eye....

- You sleeping with him? - Bob?

No. Not really...

Okay, if you really want to know, he likes to eat me out,

but that's all we've ever done...

I do owe him a blow job next time.

- You really do want to shoot with me? - You have no idea.

I do sleep with a lot of them though. I mean, it's where I meet guys.

I don't really like going out to clubs or parties.

- You're a stay-at-home type? - I guess.

The good ones always expect it, don't they?

The pictures turn out better.

Or maybe that's in my mind...

And the bad ones, I guess I used to feel sorry for them.

Go for it.

This guy...

- Bob? - Yeah.

He was, I don't know.

Had a shoulder fetish?

Yeah. I was going to say pathetic but, yeah.

He has a great tongue though.

You said you used to feel sorry for the bad ones?

Yeah, I felt more like a therapist with GWCs.

Like they were these really lonely guys who couldn't get a girl no matter what,

and I was their one chance to see one naked.

Here I'd be posing on the bed or the floor,

usually naked or in a thong.

We'd be spending most of our couple hours just talking.

I started to feel like an Angel of Mercy.

Like I'd be their one chance to sleep with a really pretty girl.

Like I'd be making a fantasy of their's come true,

they'd remember forever.

What changed?

Now, when I work with a GWC, it makes me not want to model anymore.

I started realizing, it's like they hired their own personal stripper

which they got to pick out online,

choose what I'm going to wear, or not wear, how I'm going to be posed.

And they get to keep these pictures forever, to jerk off to...

It made me feel a lot less sorry for them.

Had me questioning my worth and what I was doing with my life.

I mean don't get me wrong, when I see my pictures its like,

'fuck, if I was a guy I'd jerk off right now'.

I always assume most of them jerk off to the photos, don't you?

It's just that I'd rather them not take them with that in mind exactly...

Okay I feel like I'm saying all the wrong things...

Do you want me to just leave?

I want you to take your clothes off.

The last GWC I worked with, made me pose while watching this video

of an old black and white football game with my clothes coming off,

as if I was getting turned on by watching it.

And the whole time he's shooting me from behind.

Telling me not to turn around, at all.

'Whatever you do, just don't turn around.'

So, here I am watching this stupid football game, stripping,

and I can't even see the guy who I am supposed to be posing for.

So, it's like really freaking weird.

And when I finally decide that I am going to turn around,

sure enough he has his camera in one hand, and his dick in the other.

And he is jerking off while he is taking photos of me.

Talk about multi-tasking.

I know, right? I was just so grossed out.

And the thing is, he didn't even stop or anything.

He just kept whacking off, telling me to turn back around,

as if I was really going to let this situation continue.

So that's when I decided right then and there,

no more guys with cameras.

Except Bob.

Six hundred dollars for two hours.

I spend most of my time just rolling around in bed teasing him.

And he always has free clothes for me.

- Like the panties? - Like the panties.

And he makes me cum.

He's a dork, but he's a keeper dork...

Are you really going to quit modeling?

I'm quitting the lifestyle.

What will you do?

I mean I've only been doing it for a year

but, I can't imagine doing anything else.

It's been over ten years for me. It's just time to do something else.

I want you to shoot something with me you've never shot with any other model.

Something you'd never have the nerve to ask.

What makes you think there is something I haven't had the nerve to ask?

Okay.

Well how about you ask for what you want,

and, and I'll ask for what I want?

We'll see.

Aren't you going to miss the money?

Did one shoot with a photographer who flew me to Monty Carlo for a week.

Made twenty five thousand dollars.

Yeah. He didn't even try to sleep with me.

Bought my jeep the day after I got back. Paid in cash.

That was a long time ago.

There were a couple years there where I was averaging

eight to ten thousand dollars a month though. So, yeah.

I average like, three grand. Unless I'm on a road trip.

Then it's usually double that.

I'm about the same place.

I did a shoot a few weeks ago,

made four hundred dollars just for washing my hair.

Yeah, I didn't even have to be nude.

Okay, that is a new one, even to me.

It's a whole site devoted to girls just washing their hair.

I do some foot fetish work too. That's the easiest money.

See, and I have good feet... and great nipples, or so I've been told.

I was twelve when I first saw you.

I was playing on my older brother's computer, clicked on Internet Explorer,

and up popped your Model Domination page.

Is your brother a photographer?

My brother? No.

He was like fourteen.

I saw you and became obsessed. I wanted to be you.

All those costumes and make up.

Oh my god, the nudes of you in those old abandoned buildings.

The way you could bend yourself in half.

I printed out all your pictures and made a modeling book.

I used to practice your poses

so that one day I could have a modeling book of my own...

The Pile Driver.

Straighten your right leg.

- Do your parents know? - Are you kidding? Do yours?

- They found out eventually. - How'd that turn out?

Exactly as you think.

My mom found a book of your pictures one time.

She asked what it was.

And I told her I think that the body is natural and beautiful

and we should be proud of who we are.

I think she was just glad I wasn't into girls.

- I want to see you turned on. - I am.

Not enough.

You know that grainy black and white photo of me?

I'm writhing back on the bed. My left arm over my head.

This is what the photographer did to get that shot.

- Hurt me. - Why would I want to do that?

'Cause I need you to.

Whatcha doin' over there?

Having breakfast.

Dolce.

Take me with you.

Even if it's only for a little while. Like a road trip.

We'd have so much fun together. We'd make a lot of money.

Why would I do that?

- What is your real name? - My name is Jane.

I am here today with Dolce and first off let me say

that it is an honor to shoot this little interview with you.

This, as you probably know, will go along with the photo shoot

so people can look at the pictures and get to know you a little bit better.

Right.

So, Dolce, what brings you to Pittsburgh?

I'm on my way home. I am driving to Michigan, where I am from, Bay City.

And I am stopping along the way

to meet all the photographers I've always wanted to work with,

and some of my old favorites.

This is my last blast.

- You're retiring. - I am.

So, will this actually be your last foot fetish shoot?

Actually, I think it will be.

I am even more honored, and completely privileged.

Thank you.

Well, I mean, you, you're legendary

and yes, I've wanted to shoot you for a long time.

Thank you.

Tell us a little bit about yourself. What's your favorite food?

I love candy. So, Twizzlers...

I would say is my favorite.

But what exactly do they taste like?

It is a great mystery!

I don't know. They don't really taste like strawberry, but I love them.

Do you Dolce, have a favorite pair of shoes?

Well, they may not be sexy but, my Chucks.

- Sneakers. - Yes.

On you, I'm sure they're completely adorable.

Thank you.

Now, are you personally into feet?

Well, I like feet, I suppose.

- Do you like having your toes sucked? - Sure.

What about... well has a lover ever ejaculated onto your feet?

No.

Have you ever been toe fucked?

I think that's enough... sorry.

Hey.

Hey.

Want to do some blow?

No.

- I thought you weren't... - I changed my mind.

Okay.

Oh, shit.

No more of this... no more.

Nice.

- How you feeling? - I feel good.

- Not good? - I'm a little tired... But I'm good.

Oh, you are good? Okay.

Well, the photos are looking, the images are coming out great.

Like, you've got a great...

You're not looking tired,

you're not looking like you're ready to be done with this.

Ever just wake up and feel like it's time to do something else?

Well, I went through that for a long time.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

I don't know if I settled in to what I do

because I couldn't really think of something that would make me happier,

but it's not realistically.

So, I kept doing what I do.

And I thank God everyday that I can do what I do

because it's really not a bad job.

Yeah.

How long did it take you before you felt comfortable doing this?

- You mean... - Being a photographer.

Well, what kind of photographer?

Well, this kind.

Well this kind, it took a little time

because you...

you're working with beautiful women

who are taking their clothes off for you, with you,

and there's a certain adjustment period, we'll put it that way.

And so it took some time but at the end of the day,

you get used to it after a little while and it's not a novelty anymore,

you realize it's part of your profession, and part of your art

and you think of it in a completely different element at that point.

Only time it still seems a little bit uncomfortable for me

is if I'm working with a brand new model who's never done that before

or done glamour or, artistic nude, and you feel her awkwardness,

and it translates to me.

And I think I'm pretty good at playing it out and you know,

acting like I'm comfortable because obviously I need to.

But, I don't know if I answered your question or not.

Yeah.

Beautiful.

I'm really not doing this on purpose.

Hey, Kim. Hi, it's Dolce. How are you?

Great. I'm confirming for Wednesday.

Right, two o'clock... Good.

Is there anything I should know?

Yeah I can stay still for a long time...

Because of your cameras. That's so cool.

Great, I'm really looking forward to it...

Excellent, I will see you soon... Thanks.

Hi is this Anthony? Yes, how are you? This is Dolce.

This way?

Yeah, kinda, kinda manage to get your...

I know your backbone doesn't turn that way.

Which way do you want it to turn?

Let me try to see.

Kind of facing that way but just kind of rotate around with your waist

and your...

I feel like the theme from the Olympics playing for some reason.

You should be holding a discus or...

That is what I feel like actually now that you say it.

... have a medallion of some kind around your neck.

So we'll kind of develop a tempo here.

Be a little more compact.

Oh, okay. Sure.

Okay, now just a little bit more on your right... Okay, good!

Alrighty, here we go. Here we go.

Good? Excellent?

Okay John! There you go, good, good, good!

Good. Phyllis give me a smile.

Okay, I need you to move over just a little bit this way... yeah, yeah,

now do that same feel where your hip is on the other, yeah, yeah.

Good. Excellent.

Yeah. Right at me, good.

Watch as this hand tells a story. And the shadows in the hand,

the way they accentuate the shadows in the background here,

it's like ink running into the hand.

You look like a painting...

Nice, you can't even tell where you're at in it.

It's my general idea on most of them,

is to try to make it to where there isn't any sensuality,

it's just paint to where people look at it

in a gallery they don't know there is a naked person there at first.

I don't want it to be about sex, I want it to be about art.

I mean, obviously when there is tits in it,

it's about sex to somebody looking at it.

- Place it all over your body. - Okay.

Just spread it out as much as you can.

Just go ahead and be as generous as you'd like.

Just take your hands in it as if you're applying a lotion all over your skin.

Try to get every part of your body, including your hair,

also be careful not to get it in your eyes and your mouth as well.

Ah, okay.

And then once you're done with this, then we have the ashes.

Which the ashes are actually gently sifted ashes from my fireplace

which were burnt I guess you want to say burnt discards of old love letters,

photos, and poems, and so there is a certain, to me an emotional aspect

with that essence of yourself that you're going to also place all over your body.

And hopefully that will kind of guide the emotive aspect of the shoot, so.

I love it.

In short, what we're going to be doing is focusing on the tragic victims

of Mt Vesuvius exploding...

- Right. - And destroying Pompeii, Herculaneum.

And the series is not to glorify their death,

but it's more to tribute the compassion they had for each other

in their final hours of life.

And so what I want you to do with this series

is I want more of your images to kind of try to focus on what they might have felt,

listen to the music that's playing and listen to like,

what's inside of you as far as the sorrow, the, the reaching out

to possibly for help or to save someone.

So I want like a lot of poses

that are kind of a little bit more introspective,

a little bit more internalized.

Everything is going to have a single, what I call a divine light,

coming down on you, and you can focus on that if you want,

as if reaching for the light,

or you can just kind of shield your eyes from the light.

My favorites? I mean for just not having to think about it

and just going out and shooting, would be any of the box cameras

because none of them have any kind of aperture control, shutter speeds,

it's you just basically point it and click it.

Now I can't see you at all.

You do it to be more conscious of how much sunlight you're getting in,

and that kind of thing, but they're the easiest ones to use.

Your leg's going to be sore by the end of this.

Feels good actually right now.

Probably after sitting in the car for so long.

Yeah...

I like the drive but I'm definitely stiff.

I like driving if I am on my way to something.

I shoot all one twenty film, I don't shoot any thirty five millimeter,

but thirty fives, are usually kind of like an entry point

for getting into that kind of thing.

A lot of these I don't even, I have never even tried using,

because it got to the point where people just started giving them to me

and finding them in their dad's basement, and finding them at garage sales

and, I think I got this one, like a week ago for like a dollar.

And it's funny because there is still a spool inside it,

and a spool themselves are worth about twenty five dollars on eBay.

Because once I get this open it's going to be...

and if you could just hold still for...

and blinking doesn't matter, don't worry about that,

it won't even register.

You made this one?

Yeah, this one I made just out of a tea canister.

What's inside of it?

Just a piece of paper right now.

A piece of photo paper

that's just kind of like wrapped around the interior of it.

So I end up with like an eight by ten paper negative

that I contact print to make a positive image.

But with the pinhole, it comes out all distorted and...

That's incredible.

- May I look through one of these? - Oh, sure, go right ahead.

So a lot of the brownies are, like you hold them at waist level.

Okay.

And so you would be looking through...

From this position I would look through it?

Yep, and you'd just be looking through that,

which might be kind of difficult in here

because we don't have a whole lot of light.

Right.

Perfect.

The view of that light is nice.

So if I were to be shooting now,

do I have to keep it steady the whole time?

The shutter speed on these is usually pretty slow.

It's like about a fifteenth of a second to a thirtieth of a second,

so you can't be moving a whole lot

and your subject can't be moving a whole lot,

but enough that you can hand hold it and not be concerned with blurring the image.

I've got a stereo in the other room, I could play some music if you want.

What kind of music do you like?

Old punk, or the Stones maybe? Something loud and obnoxious?

I think we've got Elton John, Billy Joel, I've got Journey's Greatest Hits?

I think I've got some Katy Perry too if you want.

- Don't worry about it. - Okay.

- I'm fine. Unless you want to hear some? - No, I don't really listen to music.

I never would have guessed.

- Gary? - Alisa.

What the hell is going on in here?

What are you doing home?

Why is there a naked girl in my kitchen?

What happened between you and my husband?

Nothing.

Did he try anything with you?

- He's not the type. - What do you mean by that?

He just doesn't seem like the kind of photographer who would do that.

- There's a type? - It's not Gary.

But, how can you be sure?

For one, he never offered me a drink.

What, you sleep with every photographer who gives you something to drink?

No. But on occasion, one drink will lead to two and then three...

I get it. Does it matter if they're married?

- Apparently not. - I've never asked.

That doesn't make it right.

I think that's Gary's.

Yes. Target. On sale. I buy all of his clothes.

He's a goddamned accountant.

What does he need pictures of naked girls for?

- So he can masturbate to them? - I never ask.

You don't ask much, do you?

Don't you want to know what people do with your photos?

Not really.

It's degrading. You're degrading yourself.

I don't find it degrading.

Posing naked for someone else's husband?

He is a photographer. I'm a model.

That works for you?

I'm very proud of some of the photographs taken of me.

How nice. Some of the photographs taken of you.

It depends a lot on the photographer.

- What about Gary? - He's a hobbyist.

- Is he any good? - Probably not.

- At least you're honest. - It's a job.

If I only pose for the best photographers, I wouldn't be able to pay the bills.

- So instead you take my bill money. - Gary hired me.

I posted a travel notice on my page and he emailed me.

Not the other way around.

I made it out to cash.

Hey Mom...

What do you mean you're surprised?

Mom, I'm serious this time. I told you that.

Okay, okay I will be there in two days...

You did?

Thank you...

Well how's he holding up?

Okay...

Good...

Yeah, I'm good...

Alright...

I will, see you in two days...

Thanks...

Bye.

Ten years later and you're still not locking your front door.

Well you never know who's just going to wonder in off the street.

- Surprised? - Honestly? Yeah.

Hey.

And I mean, looking as sexy as ever, right?

- Hi, I'm Fresh. - Fresh?

Now, Fresh is her modeling alias. Krista, this is Jane.

Jane is the very first model I ever shot.

- Nice to meet you. - Krista's just starting out.

I remember what that's like.

How old were you when you first started shooting?

We were both eighteen.

So I was in like, first grade.

Well, let's wrap it up for today.

We'll set up a shoot later in the week, alright?

Okay.

You don't want to hang out?

Not tonight, babe.

You sure?

- She's cute. - They all are.

- And young. - Well, they don't get any older.

Only we do.

Whatever happened to that shy boy

who was afraid to ask me to take my clothes off?

Well, I think he grew up.

That's a shame.

So, can I tell you about my book idea?

- Sure, over a cold beer. - Ah, thanks, I'm not drinking.

Okay. Is there anything else you gave up that I should be aware of?

Hey, come on. I'm kidding. I missed you.

Great.

Fuck you, Zack.

- What will it be? - Cranberry juice...that's it.

Please, go away.

I just wanted to see if I could buy you a drink.

You can't buy me a drink. You can't buy me anything.

You can't buy me.

Nothing is for sale in this little perimeter around me

I like to think of as personal space.

You have yourself a nice evening.

My name is Maggie Stinson.

I'd like to thank my friend Dean for helping me out on the bass tonight.

We've got one more for you.

You were so beautiful when I was drunk.

And I'm sure we could have been something good if I hadn't sobered up.

There's the door with your name on it.

Don't let it hit your ass.

Yes, I know we both could have gotten lucky

but I think I'll have to pass.

'Cause you're not my type.

You are not the boy that I like but...

You were so beautiful when I was drunk.

And I'm sure we could have been something good if I hadn't sobered up.

Bill.

Could I get one of whatever she's having?

It's not often someone claps in here.

- Top it off? - No, I'm good.

- I like the song. You write it? - I did. Thank you.

Don't remember hearing much in the way of original music in Bay City.

Usually just bad cover bands playing Journey or Skynyrd.

- Classics. - Exactly.

- You from here? - Born and raised.

Then, I escaped on my eighteenth birthday.

Been back just a couple of times. It's always a disaster.

So, what brings you back again?

A job. I thought. A friend I thought.

The need to start over, to reconnect with my past,

to reconnect with life, to reconnect before it's too late.

All of the above. None of the above... I don't fucking know.

It sounds like something I'd write a song about.

- You? You from here? - I'm from Detroit, originally.

Needed to get away from there,

but still wanted to be able to visit my family on occasion,

followed a boy up here about a year ago, found a job I love,

the boy moved on, I stayed.

I just quit a job I love.

Oh, mine's in an animal shelter. Where was yours?

These are like, something you'd see in a magazine.

I only put the best shots in my portfolio.

Remember this is ten years of shooting at a minimum of five times a week, so.

- How old were you here? - Ah, there? Nineteen? Maybe twenty.

- But why would you give this up? - The side effects.

Warning, nude modeling may lead to alcoholism, drug use,

random sex with strangers to whom you'd never give the time of day,

disownment by family members, sleeplessness, delusions of grandeur,

and the inability to ever cut your hair.

Because every fucking photographer wants you to look

exactly as you do in your portfolio no matter if the photos are 10 years old.

And I'm not getting any younger.

But, you're beautiful.

Thank you...

I just don't have the energy to compete with eighteen year olds.

And it's changed so much since when I started.

I mean back then, girls were really serious about modeling.

If I lost out on a job to someone, it was because they were a better model,

and now it's like, it's like this place where anyone with photos

can call themselves a model.

A place where anyone can feel beautiful, I guess,

but there's just so many of these girls.

And it's to the point now where if I lose out of a job

to someone with a good photographer, it's because I wouldn't sleep with them.

What's it like, modeling nude?

Ah, taking my clothes off for complete strangers?

- If you want to put it that way. - It depends, honestly.

Sometimes it's exciting, or funny, or a little weird.

Or a lot weird.

Sometimes it's boring. It depends.

Completely on the photographer, on the setting,

on what I'm wearing, or not wearing,

if there's a story to what we're shooting.

Some shoots are amazing, and they make me feel like I'm six feet tall.

Those I will remember for the rest of my life.

Others I feel like I'm going through the motions,

although I try not to do that.

I always try to give the photographer something,

even if he's giving me nothing.

Even if he's the worst sort of GWC.

- GWC? - Guy With Camera.

He's a hobbyist who doesn't have a clue how to work his camera,

but he likes the idea of shooting naked girls.

Can I see the photos you take now?

It's, it's this idea I have for a book. Interior, exterior.

It's a shot of all the signs from the hotels and motels

that I've found myself in and a shot of me, inside the room.

Something that speaks to what's going on in my head.

In that place, at that moment.

You look, so alone, in all of these photos.

You really are beautiful...

And I really should get going.

You can stay... if you want.

- Next time. - Next time?

Yeah, I'm playing Friday night at a house party... you're going to come.

I am, huh?

I hope so.

I'm on the broken side of time.

Fifteen years out of my skin, out of my mind.

And there's no explaining why I went where I've been,

except that some of us are little more than burnt fuel on the wind.

My first kiss was stolen, my first love was drunk.

I'm on my back on the ceiling where the first pain was sunk.

- Hi, what can I get you? - Cranberry juice.

Okay...

And when I say that,

I don't mean that I was lifted or free,

I was more like a dead dolphin at the bottom of the sea.

This place never changes, huh?

I'm on the broken side of time.

Out of my skin, out of my mind.

I sing hallelujah from the darkest of rooms.

Until the cold light of nothing shivers and blooms.

I don't long for forgiveness, for you to even understand.

In this there's no difference between a fist and a hand.

It had nothing to do with you,

and the truth is that it never did.

I've been inches from the surface since I was a kid.

But I'm holding my breath

and I'm quiet and loud.

Been on the broken side of time afraid until now,

afraid until now.