Original subtitles

Central Film Distribution presents

MAN ABOUT TOWN

Idea and Screenplay Literary Adviser

Music by

Played by the Film Symphonic Orchestra conducted by

Vocalists

Film Editor

Sound

Make-up Stage Design

Costume Design Costumes by

Assistant Director Continuity

Deputy Production Manager 2nd Cameraman

The Cast - Life is drab and grey

tapestry

and some people don't mind.

I am different!

My hot blood makes me resist

it forces me to act.

If you want to live in a rut

I don't!

When the lights go on in Prague

I hear the neons call:

I can't help it.

I hear them call,

I slip into my Sunday suit

put on my best shirt

and like a bumble-bee

I have to taste some fun!

As if she were my bride

I court the town of Prague

and what I encounter that night

all Paris would envy me!

Prague is a great big city

and I make every effort

to visit bars and beer-halls

to live it up!

When the lights go on in Prague

I hear the neons call:

I can't help it:

I hear them call,

I slip into my Sunday suit

put on my best shirt

and like a bumble-bee

I have to taste some fun. Tam-ta-da-da, bim bam bim, bang bang.

Stage sets

Production Manager - Till Friday man is nothing

but a machine for work

Director of Photography - he strains his tired body

he works to meet the plan!

Directed by - On Saturday his soul awakens

he drinks his fill - and more!

Produced in the Barrandov Film Studios - He visits bars and beer-halls

and lives it up!

- Processed in the Prague Film Laboratories

holder of the Order of Merit Production Unit the Karel Feix - Miroslav Broz

When the lights go on in Prague

I hear the neons call

I can't help it

I hear them call!

I put on my Sunday best shirt

and like a bumble-bee I have a taste of fun!

Let's have a shot of rum it's late in the day

Let's have a glass of wine

come and visit us come every day not only once a week

will the girls greet you with a smile.

The Milky Way overhead

and a pint of spirits inside

I'm going to embrace my Prague

Saturday's I am the master!

Prague is a great big city

and I make every effort

to visit bars and beer-halls

to live it up!

- Leave it here, somewhere. For Christ's sake.

- I'm not fool!

- Will you check your coats? Gentlemen? - Sure, love.

Don't call the lady,, Iove". - Here...

When the lights go on in Prague

I hear the neons call

I can't help it,

I hear them call.

- Bloody hell!

- Don't say bloody hell in a place like this.

- Why don't you shut up? We've come to have some fun.

- A table for three, gentlemen?

- Three for the moment, later perhaps six.

- Certainly, sir.

I'll sit at the back.

Coffee! - Eh... not coffee... coff...

We'll have mineral water! For two.

- With the bottle? - Two.

- For the time being!

I slip into my Sunday best

put on my best white shirt

and like a bumble-bee

I have to taste some fun!

- Stop it!

I tell you, stop it! - What's wrong?

- Stop it, I tell you.

Watch the waiter, he'll soon show us the door.

So quick it will make your head spin!

- Go on now... Stop that!

I didn't know you were so prim... What's the matter?

- What an idea to bring your own booze

to a joint like this! - Why not?

I can do whatever I like.

- I don't understand you, man, here you see a few foreigners and all your

patriotism is gone! Where's your pride?

He'll think it's mineral water! - He'd have to have hay fever

to think it's mineral water!

I bet you can smell the stuff in the next street!

It stinks, cover it with your hand, that's the least you can do.

- I'll hold my hand over it, you old fuss-pot.

Do you want to spend your whole wage-pocket?

Do you realize what the charge?

It would take 360 spoons of mortal to buy you a single glass of rum!

We'd have to have more than one pair

of hands to be able to afford to get stoned here.

- For Christ's sake... do you see him?

The crazy bum. For Christ's sake...!

That's what we call,, a cow's dose"!

What's the matter? - Why did I have to bring you?

Why do I go around with such... What was that?

- Nothing. We were introducing ourselves.

- And why did they laugh?

- The baldie has such a funny name. Salvator Dali.

- I think they are making fun of us.

- Tony, Tony, behave yourself! - What do you mean?

I'll bash his teeth in! What will be that!

What?

Slip under the table and put the bottle straight.

- It's dark here...

Damn it!

- Let's get out of here before we get into hot water!

Follow me! Follow me!

Your hats, gentlemen!

- Don't bother about your hats, you idiots!

When the lights go on in Prague

I hear the neons call I can't help it

I hear them call:

I slip on my Sunday suit put on my best white shirt

- And I took him, Mr. Dolezal,

what would we do in the Giant Mountains for Easter!

- And like a bumble-bee I have to taste some fun!

To the Petriny housing-estate! - Why to Petriny?

- Shut up, for heaven's sake!

And what was that bit about the Gians Mountains?

The night are getting warmer?

Why warm nights?

- Because of the mushrooms.

Hovorka!

What's up?

- You asleep? I can't.

It's half pas twelve and I haven't had a minutes sleep.

I keep thinking of the old woman. How she's getting on without me.

- Jesus... To wake me up, at half past twelve just

to tell you're missing your old woman?

Nut!

Here he comes.

- What's the time?

- Two o'clock. - Exactly!

- One minute off two, Gustav.

- Thank God, at least that's settled.

I've prepared the wood for the morning, Gustav.

I shoudn't have taken that booze, I grand you.

- Sure, we could have brought the bottle, that was okay,

but you were crazy to crawl under the table with a candle knowing

that 80-proof Slivovitz had spilled all over.

- I wouldn't have crawled under the table

if you hadn't kicked the bottle over!

- I didn't kick over the bottle! - You did!

You don't see your feet because of your big fat tummy!

Damn it, don't you dare say that to me!

How could I have kicked it... it stood near your foot!

- It was me who kicked the bottle over. - There you are.

- When a bottle is hidden under a table in a first class joint,

you can't expect anything else than for someone to kick it over.

Aren't you being high and mighty, both of you. All of a sudden!

Here, you gobble your foot straight from the pot like a dog

and now you expect me to throw ashes on my head for having started a fire!

- I am not blaming you for the fire. That was the natural outcome.

- What are you writing? - I'm listing our mistakes.

All our mistakes. This has been a good lesson.

- I took the Slivovitz along mainly for him!

Just look at him! Do you know what it would cost to get him stoned?

And besides, he agreed. - Yes, and that was the first mistake!

When out of three people only one has brains,

you can't take a vote.

- It's a fact. We must have looked suspicious with that bottle.

- We looked suspicious from the moment

he called the cloakroom attendant,, Iove".

A woman who works in such a classy joint must be the widow

of a banker from pre-war times. She has to know some languages.

Who'd call a lady,, Iove"? You practically tell people

who you are... That you are a hick from hick town.

- I am proud to be from Velhartice, as it happens.

- I know, you... you are... ...a good bloke, I know.

- OK now. OK I said!

What else have you got? - The third mistake: Bloody hell!

- Bloody hell what? - Bloody hell. When you saw

all the elegance, you said: ,, BIoody hell"!

And everybody could see that your experience

of night life is the railway-station restaurant in Susice!

- Sure. He's right. In such a situation you can't say,, bloody hell"!

- But the worst, the worst was when you wanted to dance.

Did you notice... did you notice, that she was a lady?

How did you asked her for a dance?

- The usual way... I said: Want to have a hop with me?

- Hop. - Hop. And wasn't she eager.

- Now wait a moment, Gustav, I'd like to say something on his behalf here.

I'd like to know why, in this republic,

a neat and shaved plasterer shoudn't ask

an intellectual for a dance. Watch you step, Gustav!

- Sure. He could, he could. But he has to behave

in such a way that the lady doesn't consider dancing

with him a socialist duty...

I saw you, man... you dragged her all over

the dance floor like a fiddler his contrabass!

- Well, it looks as though only two of us are fools.

- Yeah, mainly.

But I am one too, I made the biggest mistake,

I was frightened. - What?

- I was frightened.

- If you want to spend an evening in a joint

where a shot of rum costs as much as a whole bottle in a shop,

you must feel at home there.

And to feel at home you have to be rigged out properly.

- Do you mean

my wedding suit isn't good enough?

- When did you get married?

- When? When was it?

In 1952.

- He is a nut, that's what he is.

- Who is a nut? - And how!

Go on!

- Rigged out properly

that means a shirt with a fashion-able collar and the right kind of shoes

- Not one of the snobs in the night-club

wore boots!

We'll even have to change to briefs!

Just look at what you are sleeping in!

- So what? It's underwear!

And it's warm! - That's a whole trouble!

- And you'll go on a diet.

So they stop calling us the long, and short and the fat!

- Look here, sweet friends, I don't give a damn.

That has never been a problem.

If a girl didn't like it she could lump it!

A girl that really cared for me didin't mind...

And anyway... Next year, I'm going to be foreman

and now I'm going to bed. - He'll be foreman next year, so...

I'm fed up. Do you think I ever had to impress

a girl with nylon underwear?

Not me! - Let's forget it then, it wasn't doing

all this for my own sake.

- Good morning. - Good morning.

- Good morning. - Good morning, hello!

What shall it be?

- No... - Well, we'd like...

- Some clothes. - Clothes...

- A suit? - A suit.

- Made to measure? - Yes.

- Yes, made to measure... - That's right, made to measure,

wait a sec... how...

- We'll take your order. - I know.

- We are a first class establishment, you know.

- Nonsense, next try the shop next door.

- I know! Are you the most expensive?

- In Prague? I should think so!

- That's all right then. We'd like to order

three dark suit.

- Why three? Let's try one first

and we'll see. - Something comfortable for me.

- Three dark suit.

For the boys, and for me. And the best.

- Certainly.

420,

530, and 618.

- Right. This one... for all three suits.

- No, no. Different one for each or we'll look like the Allan-Sisters!

- That's all you have?

- Sorry, that's all there is right now. All right.

- You'll have this one. - Sure...

- Are you crazy? Do you know what it will cost

in his size? It's like dressing a whole circus!

- Four meters. - Take it.

- There. I'll take this.

- For you, the length of a towel will do.

- Two eighty. - See?

- I'll take this one. - I have to warn you, gentlemen,

you'll have pay for the material advance.

- Hey, they don't trust us, let's get out of here.

- Naturally, if that's the custom here.

Will 2.500 be enough?

We'll want waist-coast too.

- Waist-coast aren't the fashion this year.

- Jesus!

Everybody knows that waist-coast

are out of fashion this year, you idiots!

Isn't that so, no waist-coat.

- Don't call me the names in a place like this!

- Tell Mr. Vasut to come down as soon as possible.

He'll be taking the measurements of three new customers.

Where are we going? - Upstairs.

- I can see that. I hope they aren't up to any tricks.

- I'm going to check. - Boys, do you mean they are

going to pin the stuff to our bodies and cut it to measure?

- Only on you. - Kindly take your coats off, gentlemen.

- Here you are, take your coats off!

- Why should I go first? - Because you are a party-member.

- Hurry up! In there... Come over here!

- Hey there, come here, come here, come here!

You can't get out of in now?! We've paid already.

So there's no point. - That was all the money

we had saved for our trip to Prague. - Please.

Don't make scenes in a place like this!

- Oh! My God!

- You could have kept your trousers on, sir.

- Have you never been to a tailor's before or what?

- Dear me, has she never seen a man before?

I thought me asked us to undress completely!

Well... aren't you going to ask what they charge for making the suits?

- 112. - Crowns?

That's not too bad. - No, sir, that's the trouser-length.

- It comes to 1.400.

- What? Crowns? - Yes.

- No... that's your waist-size!

So they've started on my jacket

so they've sharpened pins and needles

and now all I'm waiting for

is the day I'll have to pay for it.

The day I'll put my new suit on

I'll be a different person

and all the bright young ladies

"will call me,, Bel Ami"

that's what my new suit will do for me!

Not too much grease, ma...

Hovorka, their highnesses have arrived!

- It's a quarter pas ten!

- We have toothache!

- All three of you?

- No, one tooth for each of us, you idiots!

- Don't worry, We'll make up for the loss.

So the ladies will tumble

they'll forget their men and lovers,

when I promise them a night of passion

when I take them out to dinner?

So they've started on my jacket

of the very best of cloth

against your protests I'm going

to wear it and never look back.

Let's scram!

Fine gentlemen ou are!

Breaking a window like urchins and running away!

Who is going to repair it? - The glazier!

- That's likely! - Don't shout, lady, our firm will six

it for you. - Yeah, the firm

I could wait a hundred years! I want it fixed right now

and you'll be responsible.

No, he is responsible. - The old pussy could call herself lucky

that we are going to replaster her shack!

- Who's an old pussy?

Do you know who I am? I am the widow... - Sure, of a retired banking

clerk! Madam! Aren't you? We met a lady just like you as cloakroom...

...attendant in a night...

- Sure. Gentlemen, I think we've met before.

- Jesus, hurry... - Madam...

- Follow me! - Madam!

- Madam, let me explain...! - Why can't you keep

your big mouth shut?

We'll repair your window, but give us a chance. Give us a chance to explain,

madam. - There's nothing to explain...?

- We'll go back personally to your night-club to repair the damage.

- That fire was simply the result of certain circumstances.

- Surely, madam, you wouldn't want to sue us for a few hundred crowns.

We'll go back to your night-club to spend twice as much, but this time

like real gentlemen. - We are all family men.

- So you gentlemen are married... All three of you...

- What the hell is going on here?

- I've just invited these gentlemen for a cup of coffee.

We must look after the people who come to repair our city.

Just a moment.

I'll be back in a second.

Where did she go? - Where could she have gone...

to fetch the Apfelstrudel!

- Don't say,, Apfelstrudel", for Christ's sake, say apple-pie!

- Why should I say apple-pie if it's Apfelstrudel?

I just wonder whether she didn't go to make a phone call!

- Who would she be calling? - Maybe the police.

- She is a lady if that means anything to you.

- Yeah, a lady. A lady can be a bitch too, if you want to know.

- Hell, not so loud!

- This is embarrassing.

I should have put a newspaper on the chair.

- What it... she's coming back!

Relax, gentlemen!

Sit down,

what were you saying... Mister...

- Prouza. Gustav Prouza.

- Pleased to meet you. I like what you said.

I think I understand.

My late husband...

- Is that him?

- No, that's Smetana the composer.

- He was something like Dvorak.

- My late husband always used to said:

Better go to Monte Carlo once in your life than spend a month

every year at the nearest lake. - Exactly.

- You said it, madam. We've just been at the tailor's, Salon Adam

you know... and we've ordered some suits.

- Show her the material, show her.

- Here you are. The orders... sample...

- That's splendid. Splendid,

but it's the most expensive tailor in Prague!

- Why, sure. You know, madam, when a man spends the whole week

- What I am saying... his whole life in overalls...

he wants to took good once in a white. - And what's more...

You live in a trailer, like a hermit, you drink weak beer

and with the wages you earn as an expert plasterer nowadays,

madam, how much you think

three of us earn in a week?

- Let's see... well... a thousand?

- Three... - Easily!

- Five thousand, madam!

- But you have to buy your own material?

- No, we can afford to spend that in an evening.

- That's right... that's our little weakness, madam.

Oysters to start with, and if we decide to eat peacock with anissed

as a main course, then peacock it must be,

even if they had to go and get it at the zoo!

- Believe me, I understand you. And if you add to this the company

of some, well, some intelligent ladies...

...women...

- No! Oh no! - Women? No... not women.

In our situation... from the family's point of view. It wouldn't do, would it?

- What are you thinking of?!

Personally... I'd be very glad if we could attract the attention

of some, so to speak: Intellects...

intelligent ladies. - Yeah, that would be good...

- There are you... and you wouldn't believe how many...

Women doctors, scientists, let alone artists

come to seek a bit of diversion in our night-club every night.

All they want is a bit of innocent fun...

- Innocent! That's a word! - Well.

Aren't you going to do any more work, you intellectuals?

- Old fusspot!

- Bye, bye. And thanks very much for everything.

- Don't say,, good bye", gentlemen, we are practically neighbours after all.

Come in for coffee anytime you feel like it!

See? And you called her a bitch!

What is it?

We'll need a 500 Volt bulb and a lampshade.

So we can work after dark, see?

You'll soon see what plasterers can do!

Mrs. Trckova, I need the key for tonight

I've got a wonderful sucker from Jaromer.

- Hm, wait, there's no hurry! Where's the fire?

- Where will be a fire... tonight... All according to plan.

He loves his wife what harm is there if two people...

- Walk over the window!

- Why? - Do what I say.

- Why should I?

Listen! A miniskirt is really not lady like.

- Am I supposed to be a lady?

- Well, we'll see.

- We'll see... What about the keys?

- To late, love, Bozenka already got them.

Well, what am I, Bozenka?

My fiery tiger!

- No, no, no... no... say it properly!

- My big great giraffe that bites!

- Bite, bite, but I want to hear it!

- You are my teddy bear!

- Teddy bear...

We'll fall off. Teddy bear isn't sweet.

What's he like? - Jerry? Sweet...

- Teddy bears aren't sweet?

- No, he's drunk! - That too. But mainly furry.

- Furry... And what's furry

little drunk teddy bear going to do to Bozenka?

- Boo, boo. - Don't let's play duckie...

You're all dirty!

- That's nothing, come over here. - But Jerry, you can't walk

like that, you know - Come here.

- We'll clean up our boy's jacket. He'll be a neat and clean little boy...

- Now, that's this? Hell...

- Let's take a picture! Say cheese!

My sweet little bottom...

- That's my bottom! - My beautiful... little... bottom...

Wait, wait! If I am a sweet furry

teddy bear what shall we do?

- What are we going to do? Come here!

- My God... My husband! - What shall we do?

- It's my husband! - What husband?

- What shall we play at?

- Let go! - It's my...

You never told me! I thought... Help!

- Jesus...

- Bozenka!

- I'll go mad! I'll kill myself! Do something!

- Do you happen to have a storage-cupboard?

- No, we haven't. - Jerry! The window!

- What? - The window!

- You must be crazy! I don't want to get killed!

- There is a scaffolding! - Scaffolding? Hurry, hurry!

- Hey, wait a minute... - What is it?

- Bozenka, is that the museum over there?

- Yeah.

From Hodonin.

- Married? - Yes. Two children.

- Papers? - I left them in his pocket.

- Good thing he's married.

He'll never dare to come back.

Put your clothes on. You'll catch cold.

I'll make some coffee. - Hey, great!

I tell you... I played the innocent so

well he was quite beside himself.

Three to two would be fair.

- Fifty-fifty dear, because the idea has to be paid for too.

- All right, I was just trying.

- It was my idea. Here you are.

- Thanks. You are a true friend!

- That scaffolding is a gold mine.

Touch wood...

Listen, I've got something for you.

- What? - You'd have to pretend to know

something about the arts.

- Well, I do read... now and then.

May I? - Careful.

You are a clumsy bloke. - Look! Let's take her down and put up

Alois Jirasek the writer. - Couldn't we have Bozena Nemcova?

She wrote too. - Yes, she looked smart enough.

- Instead of whom? - Instead of this.

- Wait, mine is a much better piece.

- We don't care for this type, you know.

Prague is full of emancipated intellectuals neglected

by their husbands and you want us to knuckle under...

- He's right, we know by heart

what a woman looks like, but what to tell her,

that's the question. - That's the problem.

After all the financial sacrifices we made,

I won't let the whole thing break down

because we don't know how to talk with an educated woman.

Tomorrow, we'll have some compulsive reading.

You'll buy a book! - What? I buy a book?

You must be... he is mad, squander our money again?

To buy a book. What for? We'll borrow one

from a student. - No, no, we have to buy one

because we'll need it for references all the time. And we'll go

to the College Library.

- To the library? What the hell for?

If we are going to have a book of our own... You are quit hysterical.

Those that do not know their grammar

can't even be called clever

in this nuclear age

one must learn page after page.

Study, study, study, study!

Those that do not know their grammar

can't even be called clever

in this nuclear age

one must learn page after page.

One must learn page after page.

Sigmund Freud, Hanzelka, Chopin,

Goldstücker and Karajan

get their names into your head

before you dare to go to bed!

Having studied most of the day

you can rest... happy and gay,

Happy and gay. Happy and gay.

When you've learned to understand

what Camus, Picasso and Beckett meant,

may those names stick in your mind, may you always the right answer find,

when your head with culture rings sing, sing, sing...

Keep up with seeking knowledge you don't have to go to college

to be smart at conversation

with the ladies...

Salvator Dali. The one with the moustache.

Great, isn't he?

- Quite, comrades. People study here.

- What? - There are people

seriously studying here. - And what do you think we are doing!?

- A lot of noise. I shall have to ask you to leave...

...the study room.

- Don't be tough on us, comrade, aren't we all

intellectuals. I think we can find

a solution quietly... You know what you can do...

...go to hell!

- That's a rude suggestion, comrade! - Senile old idiots!

- If it weren't for the masons from the country,

your beautiful library would collapse!

- Are you refusing me? Who comes from a family with thirteen children,

a chance to get a proper education?

- Tony, please...

The defendants state as their excuse

that only after having come to the capital,

surrounded by the treasures of national culture, did they realise

how shallow their everyday life had been and decided

to catch up on their education. Is that correct?

- It is, but this comrade wouldn't let us explain and...

...and you slapped his face.

- I did, in his own very best interest.

- What do you mean, in his interest?

- Because I noticed than comrade Skopec was getting ready to hit him.

That's why I had to act quickly.

To avoid a catastrophe! Tony, show him your hand.

- I don't intend to argue with him. All you talk of is revolution...

And when it comes to blows, you get hysterical!

- Wait a minute...

You didn't hit him in excitement, without premeditation.

You tore his clothes

and threw him among the books. Did you or didn't you?

- We are prepared to replace the comrade's work suit.

- Don't demean yourself! Let me tell you, comrade.

For you to be able to wear this kind of clothing, I almost got myself killed

twice during the revolution! You are here

to protect me, not to pester me!

You don't belong to our time...

you ought to have been an Austro-Hungarian cop!

You should be wearing a sabre and feathers on your helmet!

- Now would someone kindly tell me what all this is about?

- Yeah, yeah! - Well?

- Yes, yes, your people in this Socialist Republic

arrested three overworked plasterers

only because they tried to improve their education!

Well, what did I ever get out of life?

What? I had no youth to speak of,

as I had to support my feeble parents from the age of fourteen.

No childhood either... there were eleven of us at home.

I couldn't even go to school in winter!

- Because you had to lend each other the only pair of shoes!

- Sometimes only wooden clogs!

- I understand. My name happens to be Kraus.

I used to sit in the front row near the window, second bench behind yours.

- I'll be damned! - Yes.

- You were still an only child at the age of fifteen

and your father was as strong as an ox. Strong enough to lift a loaded cart.

Now tell me why you made up that story about the one pair of shoes.

- Comes from Jindrich Simon Baar's book: ,, For the sake of a cow".

- Gustav...

- Tell me the whole story

or I'll have you locked up for deceiving the authorities.

- Well, Jerry, I mean comrade Captain...

- What is it all about?

- It's about a single evening in a night club

where the waiters serve you on silver platters wearing tails...

- Wait! Don't take this down.

And we'd sit there and no one would know...

- No one would even guess we are only plasterers.

Yes, grubby up to our ears until a few hours ago.

Look, these two hands handled so much mortar over the years

you could cover the other side of the moon with it!

Don't I have the right to pick up a girl

for once... a girl who d know the rules

of spelling?

- I get you.

Thick wall - to - wall carpeting,

champagne pops from the bottle,

candles in gilded candelabras and

Gustav Prouza with only an elementary education

glides over the polished dance floor

with a glamorous lady whispering sweet nonsense

into his ear her eyes filled with admiration!

Christ, did you take it that seriously you had to start a fight

in the College Library?

- Yes, we did. - That's nonsense!

Boys, look at yourself!

Everybody can see you are hicks from hick town!

- Our suits are being made by the best tailor in town.

We are being fitted next week.

- Your hands look like shovels! We'll have them manicured.

We are prepared for anything, Jerry.

- We are even going to buy briefs tomorrow.

- You walk like sailors! - Yeah, and you look smart!

- You'll never make it.

- If I may say something, comrade. I am a former dancing master

and teacher of social graces.

I'd take care of them...

- It's a deal! - And I'd like to withdraw

my complaint if that's possible.

- Do you think it can be done, professor?

- Comrade, these people know what they want.

That's why I dare say I can turn them into gentlemen within three months.

Gentlemen that would great even

at a reception given by the Ministry of Foreign Affairs!

Look, gentlemen, these are my pupils of the autumn course

at Sophia's Island in 1924.

And this is

the dancing class of the Economy School

in 1926.

I can't say that everyone of them was a success,

but I turned hundreds of young scoundrels into gentlemen

and thousands of fidgety young girls into young ladies,

that could have passed anywhere.

Unfortunately the year 1948 brought

my promising career to an abrupt end.

It was pleasure but unfortunately dancing was in to great

demand then. It was very painful for me

to watch some of my best pupils -

graduates from my later eat

a whole dinner with a spoon.

- All we want to know, course,

is whether you think you'll manage

- I think movement won't be a problem, professor,

I also think

- if you know what I mean - with us.

We aren't exactly stupid... not stupid,

we simply have a different kind of memory.

As we had to rely on our hands for most of our lives,

our heads aren't used to...

- You won't have to.

Let's be honest with each other. Look this is my library.

Most of the books I haven't read... Really, most of them...

Take Picasso, for instance.

That they call him ,, The father of cubism" and that's all.

And that has been enough till now.

I think that experts

on all sorts of culture aren't even popular

in high society because

they tend to embarrass people too often.

But there are some really educated people

take old professor Stech whom you surely know from television.

- Stuchal, I know. - Professor Vaclav Vilem Stech

must have read his way through dozens of such libraries,

but you won't meet him in Diplomat Grill.

Boys, it's a quarter to five.

You are stupid!

- Beuf á la mode, omelette surprise,

chateaubriand,

- The existence of outer space civilisations is a scientific hypothesis

that can neither be proved nor excluded.

The terraces at Baal beck, for instance,

or the Aztec calendar called Venusians etc. Etc.

- Salvador Dali is an eccentric genius

whose dadaistic ideas,

shock snobs, bourgeois snobs!

Salvador Dali - an eccentric genius...

Well, madam, when you pull the shed down,

you may as well kill the goat. We've hired a professor

and we are taking lessons. - And what are you studying?

- Everything. Literature, the arts, astro-physics.

- Don't you get confused with all these subjects?

- We've divided them up. - Divided them up?

- Of course. The professor said that he managed with Pinkaso all his life?

- With whom? - Oh, he means Pisaco!

On the other hand,

madam, if you look at it from another side

the better educated a man is the more dangerous he becomes.

- Some had to be locked up. - Some still are.

- Yes, but you have to know something.

- Yes, but only a few things and one has to repeat them all the time.

- The main thing is that no one should understand what you're talking about.

- That has advantages.

People are awed by you and don't dare to interrupt.

- For instance, I study the UFO, Tony studies absurd theatre...

...and I study Salvador Dali. - What?

- Salvador Dali. - That's great!

- Yes. The professor is bright.

- We'll have to go now. We are having a lesson.

- If you are having a lesson, I can't keep you.

See you later, gentlemen. - We'll be seeing you!

I wish I had looked at the name on the door.

- Are you looking for someone? - What? Of course

I am looking for someone.

Listen... you don't happen

to have a daughter called Bozka? - I don't. Why?

- Look, be honest. You don't? That's all right.

Well, young lady... Christ! Hello!

Hello! - Hello!

- Are you the mother or the mother-in-law?

- I am a childless widow, dear sir. What can I do for you?

- Childless? What do you mean, I am...

Hello. I am Mr. Novak from Hodonin.

Last night I was in this apartment...

...last night? - Yes.

- You must be mistaken. I haven't had a visitor at night for.

- Wait, madam. I didn't come to visit you... but quite

some time now... I have been... may be not on this floor...

I am not quite sure but I think it was in this apartment... look,

to put it plainly. I have no money for the fare and my train is leaving...

- You'll have to hitch - hike, then.

- There's no traffic, madam...

Good manners are put to the test at the table.

Start, please. Keep your handy under the table.

No, come on, up! Underneath, you put...

It won't work, professor. Don't put your hands up!

As if someone was aiming a gun at you! - But he said to...

- Elbows close to the body, elbows close to the body!

- To your own body! Is this how it's done?

- Relax, relax!

- Don't you feel foolish?

- I know it. That's the people that turn every place into a cantina!

"- You must say,, canteen"!"

- I know it isn't easy but I am sure you

will master it.

Well - let's see - while waiting for an apéritif

you spend you time in light conversation.

Come on, gentlemen

- Let's have some light conversation! I'm waiting gentlemen. I'm listening.

- I heard you. But what is it?

- A dialogue. It means that we should talk to each other.

Lightly... that's what I mean...

- Shut up! Don't I know what a dia... a dialogue is?

My help put so much water in the mortar

yesterday it kept falling back on my ladle.

- How right you are... only a short time ago

I said that what you don't do yourself

is a damned... Is a mess!

- He needs to be told again and again... I keep telling him:

,, Not so much water, my boy, not so much water!"

- This is wrong, gentlemen. Not in form,

but as to the contents.

The subject of the conversation should always be indifferent.

Well, it may be my fault. Let's skip conversation today

and let's start... - How can we skip it?

We've already skipped the ordering of the menu!

- As soon as you learn to pronounce ,, Tournedos á la reine" the way I do,

we won't have to skip anything. I agree, professor.

- Yes, gentlemen, let's start with the apéritif. Wait a moment.

Well, the waiter comes and serves the apéritif.

Here you are. Cinzano bitter or Campari?

- I don't care. That's a mistake! The second one...

- Go on, kick him, your feet are smaller.

- And that's the third! - Not him. Stupid!

- What are you yelling for, ass? - The fourth... And the fifth...

- You are the that has to have manners looking the way you do.

- Gentlemen, that's a row of mistakes! Small transgressions against the Bon Ton

are to be ignored. Never hit or kick anyone,

Mr. Prouza, even a simple raising of the eyebrows is a transgression

against the Bon Ton, Mr. Prouza.

- See? You make mistakes yourself and keep admonishing us!

- Well now, that beats everything. No harsh words gentlemen.

Nothing but mistakes...

That would be the worst mistake, gentlemen. Never argue!

Gentlemen can never be vulgar! Remember

that a gentleman tries to avoid anything

that could affect his companions unfavourable

or that would cause an unfavourable impression!

Secondly, a gentleman knows how to behave

so the feelings of others are never, under any circumstances, offended.

You don't know what it is to have to live with someone

who doesn't understand you! We should have met sooner!

I've known you for only half a day

and it seems as if I'd known you for ever.

- Fate has dealt us a cruel deal, my friend.

- You are beautiful. Inside and outside!

- I hope you won't mind my sansouci?

- It's an honour! I'd like to kill that husband of yours!

I'd like to kill him. He has no right to have a job that takes him out of town

and to expose you to Ioneliness!

- Don't you want to make yourself comfortable too?

- Yeah...

- No! Not here... I prefer the couch.

- I am sure you understand the continuity...

- You must have touched the wall. May I brush your jacket for you?

You know how women love to use a brush!

- That hen of mine thinks of nothing but whether her hens lay enough eggs!

That's her milieu! Where I could have been

had I met you sooner...

Where I could have been...

I could have had a job in the county administration.

- At least you'd have earned more.

Christ, are you really crying?

And you call yourself a man?

- The things I could have done

if I had a woman...

- Lord! - Like you!

- That's my husband! - I could have been a county official!

- My husband's here! What shall we do?

- What are we going to do?

- I am afraid you'll have to get away through the window!

- Through the window? Through?

- Yes. Thanks God. No, no, no, that one!

- Here? What floor are we on?

- There's a scaffolding outside! We are lucky. You'll come to no harm...

- How do I get to the number 14 tram?

- To the left. - To the left?

- No! There! Bye, bye!

- Everything all right? - He went down as if he worked

in the fire-brigade! - Mrs. Trckova has something for us.

- And how! He is from Bilovice in the Podborany

"A bus tour to see,, Mamsell Nitouche"!" His wife stayed home.

- So what? - That's the rouble!

Only a hundred and a cleaner's ticket! It's in the bathroom, under the boiler!

- We can't always strike it rich.

Sometimes it's less and sometimes more, with God's help.

- I am satisfied. - So am I. I think it's fun.

- Except that I've had enough hicks to last me all my life!

They are so dull!

I grew up among artists!

- Yes, I know. You posed naked

in the Art School for seven crowns an hour!

- Marcela, I want to see you walk!

...How crumpled. What? - What?

- So what? You need a bra!

- I'm working, aren't I? You couldn't... you wouldn't

make a living. - Christ, isn't she rude!

- Well, girls, Susan is right.

I have something for you.

Three gentlemen with excellent positions.

- I could... may be I could wear the lurex blouse with the low neckline.

- Three gentlemen in excellent positions

...and lurex... with a low neckline? - We'll have to discuss that in detail.

- But the three gentlemen are not to know

that this is your

how shall I put it... - Hobby.

- What? - Our hobby, I said.

Well. As if you had never been in good society...

- I am scared. I must admit I've only been to the Diplomat Grill

when they needed vacuuming the place.

- You've been the Luxor, you... - I don't mind your being scared.

Point one: Put on Eau de Cologne

- I can lend that to you... Well... let's see... while waiting for.

- Don't lend it to her. Throw it away, that one is impossible.

- You are making a fuss, Mrs. Trckova, as if those three were diplomats.

- A fuss? - Well, if they are diplomats...

- It all depends...

- Well then it's whose, what, who.

- On whom? - We don't know, but Mrs. Trckova does.

- Don't yell at me!

- Wait! These gentlemen

are men of the world...

- I'll wait and see. - Gentlemen - diplomats.

- Shut up when Mrs. Trckova... Well then,

I don't know what he's saying! - You are unbearable!

- You are unbearable! You are...

Christ Almighty, Mrs. Trckova,

do you see what they are doing to me?

Well, gentlemen, for the seventh, and I hope for the last time.

The apéritif. What do you want? Cinzano bitter or Campari?

- I prefer the first.

- At your service.

- Well, friends, what do you say now?

- All right, I also prefer Cinzano.

- So do I. As a long drink.

A few more ice-cubes for me...

- Well.

Cheers, dear friends!

I'll be damned! It's the right thing! - But it's good.

- So what? - I thought it was raspberry lemonade!

You bums! You alcoholics! Are you trying to ruin me?!

I won't let you spend money on training!

Give it back, give it back...

- Hell! Why is there a fire everywhere we go?

Hurry up!

What are you doing? - A bit of spring-cleaning.

Some people spend their nights in pubs,

others try to improve their surroundings.

- If you don't go out with the gang sometimes,

they'll knock your teeth in!

- Damn it to hell.

- Why don't you use both hands, you fool?

You are twice my size. I can hardly keep my eyes open

and the birds are going to start singing in a few minutes!

- If it wasn't for me, gentlemen - as a voluntary fire-man,

we'd have gone up in flames! We'd have gone up in smoke like

fireworks! The stupid idea of trying to quench thin

paper with your jacket!

The draft you caused made the fire!

- Swell... Do something, damn you, and don't make me mad!

- Idiots, if we do this every time

we take a lesson...

our expenses have gone up to 550 crowns!

We could have gone to Roxford!

Have you chosen yet, comrade Captain?

- That's only a pretext. - Is it?

- I came to ask you whether they are making any progress.

Have they given up yet? - You don't have to be ashamed of them.

Comrade Captain, that's all I can say.

I never had pupils like them.

This is a bit extravagant.

- Extravagance is only on elaboration

of things already in existence.

- Yes, I am sure you are right.

- Take then problem of the UFO - some scientists declare it to be the result

of unverified hypotheses reasoning,

that the existence of civilisations in outer space

cannot be proved.

- I am afraid I don't quite understand.

- Well, it's quite simple.

A serious scientist is obliged to study even hypotheses

that cannot be excluded, isn't he?

- Yes. - Yes.

- Of course, Martha... Martha dear,

the ties, please.

- I do not object to absurd theatre

but nevertheless I don't believe that this form of theatre can encompass

modern man in his full extent and depth...

- I agree. But please, keep your arm up.

- Those boys only pretend to have invented something new.

If you ignore Kafka, Beckett, Ionesco

you will find the roots way

back in Shakespeare!

- Yes, yes.

- I'll take this one. This one.

The colours remind me of some visual

objective impression from the well known

paranoiac composition

of that genius Salvador Dali.

Don't you think so, madam? - I do.

- I see, so you gentlemen are in culture?

- Friends, my hobbies are astronomical physics and parapsychology.

We'll have a chance to discuss that next time.

- Be sure not to miss Beckett!

- I hope I won't have to... - Shall we go now?

- We'll be seeing you, ladies.

- Au revoir, gentlemen! My compliments...

- Au revoir! - Good bye!

- So long!

I wonder what obstacle we could stumble over...

- Exactly.

- I've found things that will please you

in many highbrow books and mind you,

it's no sin

to consult highbrow books.

The same as flowers bloom in the sun

that also causes freckles in nature sin

is natural in nature,

sin is no sin!

I sin, you sin,

we sin

and what's wrong with sinning

when it gives men pleasure

and they ask for it?

She's been married for years and he has a wife too

for both of them life is nothing but pleasure.

Till a sinful woman grabs him holds him in her arms

But only till the morning, madam, tomorrow you can have him back!

I sin, you sin,

we sin and what's wrong with sinning?

When it gives men pleasure and they

ask for it?

The man goes back to his family back

to his wife and children

back to a life of innocence, loving them even better.

So why speak of sin when

instead of blaming the little girls

the state should award them medals

and hold them in honour? - Yeah.

I sin, you sin,

we sin and what's wrong with sinning?

When it gives men pleasure

and they ask for it?

Susan, don't wolf your food down!

No one is going to take it away from you.

- I love chicken! Don't you, girls?

Don't say,, girls".

That has a low class, vulgar sound...

Don't say,, girls" even if they are your friends.

Bozka!

Look, Susan,

if you don't know what to do...

This is permissible.

With every type of poultry.

Including duck.

- That's all right. Now I know.

- But do it with elegance!

- Yes, no one will take it away from me!

- Bozka, don't lick your fingers.

What are napkins for?

- But the napkin is clean! - That's what it's there for.

Susan, you mustn't show what you like... ever.

That gives a bad impression.

- But he has eyes like Karel Gott! - Who?

- Watching you, Mrs. Trckova,

I think it's getting serious.

- Serious, is it?

Bozka! Waiter, please - She said that!

Three coffees and three,, Cups Malakoff"! - Yes, madam.

- Well, girls, I wanted to watch you eat.

I think it's going to work.

- We shan't go mad because of three big shots!

- Don't pick your teeth, Bozka!

- It's going to work, Mrs. Trckova.

- You are stupid!

If it wasn't for Mrs. Trckova you'd still be posing at the Art School.

Naked for seven crowns an hour! You would!

Don't shout! People don't have to know though it is the truth.

Can't you even tell us what they look like?

Great! One looks like pop-star Waldemar Matuska,

the other like that beatle Vaclav Neckar and the third like Helenka Vondrackova.

You are killing me!

Well, surely not like Helen Vondrackova!

The bill, please.

Let's have a rehearsal...

Omelette surprise, Beauf a la mode,

shwei zhoo shou... or is it shwei shou zhee?

That's the food we'll order. Tony will do the actual ordering.

The professor said he is best at pronouncing these strange words.

- Well, yes, it was far from perfect.

But I think it sounded all right.

- It did, it did. Don't you have time to stay for coffee?

- No, madam, we've come to say goodbye.

We are through with your house. It's finished and we are going to move on.

- You've finished?

- Yes. Yes - I hope you'll be happy and won't hold it against us

that we broke your window.

- Of course not. Won't you come again

before the celebration?

- Sure, - We will.

- Goodbye, So long... and good luck!

- Thank you!

Good evening. Look, madam...

- Look, mister, didn't I tell you three times already not to come here?

Listen, madam, three times or not... Let me explain!

I've been through the whole house, from door to door,

tenant after tenant, and I am now convinced it was

your apartment! - It must have been...

- You'd dare to... Wait! I could call the police.

Well, but I'm not going to do it... on one hand,

I hate the police and on the other, I have no proof...

- I see! - Wait! Let me finish.

To hell with the money but I don't like to be made a fool of,

do you get me? Look, madam,

why don't you open the door. I'll look at the bedroom and I'll go again...!

- Wait, wait!

- Au, my foot! Look, madam, don't do that. You'll regret it!

I'll come again and I'll make so much noise the whole house will...

- Let go!

- I said! I'm getting a divorce, I no longer care, madam!

- Getting a divorce... Who could have known...

That's wrong! That's where we made a mistake.

Yes? - Prouza Gustav.

- 2800 crowns and 500 as premium.

- Better than nothing.

- Count your money!

Skopec. - Here you are...

- Thanks.

I wonder who Hovorka is talking to?

- If it can't be helped, it can't be helped.

Let me tell you that it's going to cost you a lot in penalties.

This is your last wage... packet in Prague, boys.

We are moving the day after tomorrow. - Why?

- Because the first block is finished and we have no scaffolding

for the second. Cursed work...

I am convinced that the looks and beauty of our capital cannot leave

anyone cold. Especially with a town

like Prague.

The indifference and laziness of some people

who were born in Prague but don't love their town

enough to ensure a scaffolding for those

that have come from South Bohemia

to return Prague its looks. This forces me to ask:

,, Where would the National Theatre be if it wasn't for the villagers?

Isn't it shameful? Can't you find a way to convince

those incapable bureaucrats?

Excuse me...

...a few incapable bureaucrats who make weak excuse in stating

that they did not expect plasterers from Velhartice

to work that fast? Here!

Quite a good picture. We do look nice... all three of us.

We do. Even Petrtyl does, look!

It's nice, but we have to stay modest.

Hynais Vojtech - Czech painter,

born to poor Czech... - Born!

- What I find interesting is... - then in Vienna to poor Czech parents.

...that Marie Sklodowska Curie... - Look, you see

- I'm studying... you know your text by heart...

Can't you be a bit more considerate?

- You should have known that when you went to Art School! Naked...

- I was interested in the impressionists.

But you don't know what that is...

It wasn't my idea to pretend to be a painter.

- It's interesting that I know all about the Curry woman...

- Curie! - Curie, I know!

- Girls, it's obvious. Susan is a charwoman at the hospital.

She is a doctor.

- Leukaemia, appendix...

- Bozka works with varnishes... she'll be a chemistry teacher.

- Madame Curie... - Well...

And you modelled... you are a painter, graduate of the academy,

and as a graduate you must know

who Hynais was and that he painted the curtain of the National Theatre.

- She ought to know.

- Of course, but as soon as he asks me something else

I don't know what I'm going to say.

- You'll have to bring the conversation back to Hynais.

What do you think Susan and Bozenka will do?

- Back to Curry... - I mean Curie.

Who is to go in first?

- A gentleman.

- What are you going to do when someone spills the soup?

- I'm going to ignore it.

- Why does the gentleman go first?

- To divert attention from the lady.

- What will you do when someone spills sauce all over you?

- I'm going to notice but I'll pretend

not to have noticed. - I am ready.

- Well, girls, this is it. You are quite safe. Susan is great in telling

about pernicious anaemia... - Marie Sklodowska Curry.

- Currie. - I know, Curie...

- But that's my subject! You have the Art School, don't you?

- Hynais. You have Hynais.

- As if I didn't know, Christ...

- Well, repeat it!

- Look, girls, take no notice of me at all in the cloakroom.

If you see me, pretend you've never seen me.

Vondracek knows how to seat you.

The gentlemen have a table right next to yours, I've arranged that.

Listen carefully! When you come,

you are still going to be ladies, don't you dare searching pockets

before you are sure they are sound asleep!

And now! An important alternation: - Wait!

- When I ring the bell, you are to jump out of the window!

Not the men! - Money and all?

- You aren't going to leave it behind, are you?

- Well.

- Do you get me? You are to jump out of the window.

Well, good luck!

All right...

- I have to admit it, professor, I've got...

I've got stage fright. It isn't easy a thing like that...

- The first step forward into society always makes people nervous.

Let me repeat that nothing can happen to you...

I'd only like to ask Mr. Petrtyl

if you order cucumber salad...

...at the dress rehearsal he forgot himself

and sipped the sauce from the saucer. That is out of the question, dear sir.

- That was only a rehearsal. - Remember, a tiny little sip

from the ice-bucket may spoil everything...

- Remember you'll be sitting with a lady whom such a small slip up

would hurt more than if you pricked her eye with your fork!

- You look great, Gustav.

What a pity you aren't taller, so people could see you better...

- And what about me?

- You are all right, you'll do. - Gentlemen...

this evening's success will be

the crowning glory of my interrupted career.

Forgive me for being emotional.

I'm not superstitious! Well, gentlemen, pfui, pfui, pfui,

- The most beautiful thing about this is

that it isn't only ,, from without content"

we are not only ready to act but to talk too.

Thank you!

- There's something else, gentlemen. Let me tell you

that it's considered quite all right to light a cigarette for a lady

without knowing her. Who is prepared to do this?

- The asses would manage to lose it...

So gentlemen, just remain calm and composed...

Just make sure you remember everything, everything will turn out fine.

So, best foot forward, let's go!

Dirty village louts... They make us take

the scaffolding apart for them

while they are stuffing themselves at a reception!

And we are to do the bloody work overnight!

Good evening! - Welcome... good evening!

- Good evening! - Had I tipped Trnava to win

and Bohemians to lose I'd have...

Good evening, gentlemen! - Good evening!

- Good evening! - Good evening!

- A good night and a good morning, madam!

I hear you had a fire here about three months ago?

- Only a tablecloth, nothing much...

- We'll brush up a bit.

Do you know them?

- I am not sure I do,

but they've reserved a table one of the two over there.

Diplomat Grill is honoured

by your visit we offer

Whisky to the gentlemen

and Henessy to the ladies...

Three whiskies on the rocks and Henessy for the ladies

so we can get going...

Welcome, gentlemen

the manager and the chief

de la cuisine advises you to start

on oysters in wine...

Oysters?

Why not?

- For all three!

- And three more whiskies on the rocks!

- And Henessy for the ladies!

- So we can get going move closer to our goal!

Then chateubriand with asparagus

and roast beef on the grill

a desert with fine pastry

you're sure to enjoy...

- You are sure to enjoy!

Well start serving the dishes and bring

- only the best

- and bring us three more

- whiskies for the ladies - Henessy!

- Six helpings of the oysters

- the ladies like such stuff

- so we can get going move closer to our goal!

And what about the coffee?

And salted almonds?

Whisky gives you headache

and coffee is supposed to cure it.

Six helpings of the oysters

- popular with the ladies

- six chateaubriand steaks

- music on six pianos!

- Six roast beefs with asparagus

- waiter, where the hell are you?

- Twelve pitch-black coffees for those that lose their heads

and dozens of anchovies

and barrels of good whisky and tons of Henessy!

So we can get moving

move closer to our goal,

...our goal... ...our goal...

Here I am. The gentlemen wish to dine?

- Later. Let's start with an appetizer...

- Apéritifs? I can offer you Dubonnet, dry Martini, Campari bitter

if you wish something stronger,

we have Long John, Black and White, Vat 69...

- Campari, I think. Three Camparis.

- For the time being. - Three Campari Bitters, please.

Sit down! - I am sitting.

- She's sitting! - You are sitting?

- We are sitting too...

- Look, over there, look carefully

do you think those three are here alone?

That must be them.

- I know. And they are looking at us.

- Men usually do when ladies enter.

- Don't look at them!

- I won't. What are we going to do?

- Watch me, girls!

- Good evening. What will it be?

- A large rr... - Three coffees.

- Yes.

Matches!

- I meant. It's stuck. Have you got a knife?

Are you mad? A knife? - What are you doing?

- You do want to smoke, don't you? I know what I'm doing sit and watch!

I'll give it a try. - Don't, you are clumsy.

May I? - Thank you.

- May I?

- Really, thanks...

- Anthony architect Skopec.

- Pleased to meet you, Mr. Skopec.

Looking at you one knows that elegant men are not yet extinct!

Aren't you afraid I'll pinch this charming object?

If I were sure not to offend the ladies,

I'd suggest a way I could keep an eye

on my lighter.

- Would you tell me how?

- Let's push our two tables together. - Of course!

- A plan worthy of an architect! All ask my colleagues, shall I?

Do... I am sure you'll find my suggestion of interest.

- Aren't you stupid...?

That looked great. Congratulations!

I'd have never believed it...

- Captain, I am an expert on movement. I was sure of that,

but as to the dialogue, I have some doubts...

Anything interesting, madam?

- Nothing. Everything is fine...

Those snobs no longer excite me either, madam...

What are we eating, Mr. Architect?

- Tournedos Rossini, madam.

- Men prefer beauf á la mode.

- How interesting! With a job like mine...

...I don't have time to clock. All I can manage is a snack

in the canteen at the Academy.

- I am in a similar position.

When I finish my visit to the patients I rush to the canteen,

from the canteen to the patients and before I can disinfect myself

it's evening...

- Let's not bore the gentlemen with cooking...

- No, no, you aren't boring us!

Nothing strange is human.

- Naturally. I think it's an interesting fact that Marie Sklodowska Curie,

the first woman to teach... the first woman at the Paris Sorbonne also...

...managed to cook for her family. - Yes...

- Nowadays, life is full of absurdities. I think, ladies,

that is best demonstrated on present drama in its pregnancy.

- Of course. You wouldn't believe

how many people nowadays suffer from leukaemia.

That's a disease of the blood-cells. - I am sure the gentlemen know that.

- We cannot be surprised, with this state of affairs,

that some colleagues consider

the existence of interplanetary contacts of different civilisations

to be a real prospect.

That's what the absurd theatre is based on.

It reasons with logical nonsense

and thus with the rational incomprehension of that

in which we live. - How surprising! In medicine,

we now have the hope that the appendix may disappear

the same as the spleen does...

- The spleen, madam...? - In childhood. Isn't that interesting?

- It's far more interesting that Marie Sklodowska Curie invented

a method that helped her in 1910 in the Joachimsthal pitch

...I mean from Joachimsthal pitch to make a radio...

From metal ore...

- Darling, you have to think of yourself a little we are always in such a rush!

- Jesus, what a rush we are in. - It's like a merry-go-round...

- I understand, madam.

People that love their profession cannot simply, after working hours,

forget everything bang and change to another subject.

- Of course it can't be done flip-flap bang...

Do you think Marie Sklowodska Curie could have been

that successful if she'd spend her time gossiping

about stupid things like...

- Are you having difficulties with your appendix, Mr. Architect?

- I am rather interested in the problems of UFO.

Take the monoliths of the Balbet terraces

in Lebanon, for instance, they weigh 1500 tons

and here, on Earth, haven't found technical means

to move them yet

...that simply isn't doesn't exist...

- Do you hear them, madam? The two of us who love painting

can't get a word in edgeways.

Just try to get such technical experts to speak about Salvador Dali,

for instance.

- You are mistaken, Mr. Architect.

Bobina and I talked of that painter what's his name... the one

who did the allegories for the curtain of the national theatre only

a short while ago...

- You can't know Salvador Dali then.

- I know them all personally,

Mr. Architect... - Oh hell!

- Yes, even Hynais, Vojta.

He may seem a bit old-fashioned to you,

but his... figural compositions...

- I understand, yes, Of course

but I am rather fascinated by that shocking Spaniard who has such

a fantastic capacity for seeing things in irritating contexts.

I am sure you know his portrait of the oily wife

of an oil-king...

- Yes. There was a period I went to see these pictures daily.

But of course I do know the curtain of the National Theatre too.

- Naturally, but I am fascinated by that shaking I mean shocking

Marie Curie

who sacrifices everything for the sake of science!

A few minor mistakes occurred in the dialogue, that's only natural,

but still... the pronunciation of all the foreign words...

- I have a feeling I've met those ladies before.

- You can't have. Let's have the same again.

Let's have it.

Even biblical events, such as the detraction.

I mean destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah can be

explained as result of thermo-nuclear

reactions, caused by civilisations of other worlds.

- No no! The appendix must have been - Yes.

- Quite an epidemic in those days, far worse than now,

though it is sometimes quite a bother...

- On the other hand,

people that consider today simply as today

are the people who considered yesterday only as yesterday.

- Just what I say.

I simply don't understand

how Marie Curie managed.

- Managed what? - She was only a woman,

after all, you have to admit...

- That's nonsense, madam,

those that know where the bee has its sting

doesn't have to wear trousers, long or short...

Salvador Dali put that correctly in his irritating way.

And others... many others... - I knew them all in person...

- That's what life is... real life...

- I even knew Hynais.

How do you think he ever reached the top of that curtain?

- On a ladder. A long ladder.

- Must have been a ladder. That's how he reached up to the top!

- A bottle of cognac, waiter. - Right away.

A bottle of Curvoisier as a digestive? - What... as what?

- Does madam prefer Henessy?

- Henessy then, but certainly as a digestive.

- Yes. Oh yes!

- I haven't dined so well in a long time.

And what do the ladies propose wee do with the rest of the evening?

- I've been thinking we ought to talk a bit, dance a bit,

tomorrow we all have to be back at work and the ladies with their husbands!

- Husbands... - Yes. Of course.

Just my idea too. Shall we dance?

- Jesus Christ!

The tango has always been my star number, Captain.

When the lights go on in Prague

I hear the neons call:

I can't help it:

I hear them call,

I slip into my Sunday suit

put on my best shirt

and like a bumble-bee

I have to taste some fun.

Isn't this a symbol of our problematic society.

A plasterer and a lady?

- I think we ought to go, professor.

I am afraid there may be a spot of trouble and I don't want you

to get involved.

- I see. Captain, would you do something for me?

- Of course. - I beg you...

...really beg you... don't have them arrested.

I knew those,, ladies" for what

they really are the minute they walked in.

You see, it's a profession. A real lady walks differently.

But trust my knowledge of psychology in this case I can promise you

that the there gentlemen will not be robbed.

They are safe.

Girls, I feel so happy.

I'd love to run away so they d never see us again...

- Why? - You want to know why? They are...

They are intellectuals,

but somehow a bit different...

- You are funny! - Silly geese!

Life isn't only romance.

Going home already, Mr. Prouza?

- No, no, I'd like to...

- I don't know how to tell you.

Try to understand, madam... They - I mean the ladies -

are married... not that that means anything,

but... they think this is too public a place

and someone may see them with us... so...

Mr. Prouza, do you want me to lend you the keys to my apartment?

Madam, I wouldn't dare... never...

but as you've brought up the subject yourself... you told us

that you don't get away from here till the early hours so I thought...

- I'll do it for you... I'd never do it for anyone else.

But tell me, Mr. Prouza, do you know the ladies well?

- These ladies are highly intelligent. They come from the best circles.

I am quite sure of that...

- Well, but only once...

- Jesus, madam, you know we are leaving tomorrow.

Oh! - It's cold!

- An evening like this has got to last till the morning.

- No, sir, - Our motor - vehicle

is ready, ladies! - We aren't going to drink any more.

Only if there's a lot!

- Let's sit down.

Wait a minute!

Hey, wait a minute! - Where are you going?

Kindly follow these two! I'm going up first!

Don't be stupid! I've got the keys!

Hey, wait.

- I've got to... - Me first!

- This way!

- Professor!

Take me to the nearest police-station!

He told me he feels something for me

and that something was true love

what's the use of true love all it gets

you is sorrow and regrets.

- How right you are! Love only costs a lot of money

and nothing happens! I don't know how to do this

let's dance ring-a-ring... o roses... - Wait! Wait!

Doctor, I've learned to value doctors

since I had diphtheria!

A doctor... I'd never dare touch a doctor...

- Do... Why don't you?

- To me, a doctor is...

- If you ask me, any doctor could call herself lucky to get...

...to spend an evening with a man...

...like you!

- With me? With me it wouldn't be much fun...

- It would be a lot of fun! - I have eleven

silver fenix chicken Japanese breed...

- Were you born in a village?

- Yeah, and I have a cockerel

he jumps that high,

see?

Excuse me for interrupting.

I must talk to you.

- Sir! - Madam, my friend is calling me.

- No, I won't let you go.

- Madam, it's... It's rather urgent.

You are sweet!

Why haven't we met sooner? Everything could have been different!

- Are we intruding? - Why should you?

- We've come to have a smoke. - Go right ahead gentlemen.

- Yes... no, no, I'll lay the table in the next room...

- We'll join you soon.

Gentlemen, let me inform you

that this evening has already cost us 3.780 crowns

and we've never even touched... - Tony...

Wouldn't you be sorry for your old girl at home?

- Sure, but what can we do if it's cost us much money already?

Surely we're not going to run away from this now...

- I've never been unfaithful in my life.

- Tut. - Neither have I.

It's all his fault. - Tut.

- He'd fall even for a she-goat if it put a skirt on.

- Tut. My old girl will be getting up

in two hours.

I couldn't do it to my dear old Rosie...

- I think, gentlemen, that it would be best to skip

by way of the scaffolding.

- Yes, but the ladies would stay locked in here.

- Don't you think they ought to split the bill with us

if it comes to nothing? - Tony...

- How can you! Here you are...

As far as I'm concerned, you can keep it... it's beneath my dignity.

- Did you hear her? It's beneath her dignity!

I put my architect's wallet back into his pocket ages ago!

- All right, you did... but... - Yes, I did.

- Let's put it back. And disappear through the window.

- No, I'm not going!

And you are to return the fifty... do...

- My intellectual had such sad eyes.

- Girls, do you know what I'm going to tell Mrs. Trckova?

- Mrs. Trckova, go to hell!

Look, I was enticed to come to this apartment for...

for some fun... and I was fleeced!

Fleeced!

Sergeant! Do your duty!

- Wait a minute, I can do my duty as soon as someone opens the door!

Oh dear!

Ow! - I'm going to tell her...

Don't! - Must be a neighbour

to complain about the noise!

Pssst! - Open the door!

- Oh hell, where did I put the keys? - Pssst!

- I'm glad I found someone I can hit... He lost the keys!

- Gentlemen, gentlemen, I think it's the neighbour.

If you'd let me, I'll explain in a ladylike manner...

- Please do, madam professor, if necessary,

I'll even hit the neighbour! - Don't worry, Mr. Architect,

I can do that myself. - Thank you.

Ah... ah... open up, - Open up!

I've recognized you, Bozka! Open up! I've caught you!

My husband! He followed me!

- Stupid! We are to tell a different story today!

- Gentlemen! My colleague must be mistaken.

- We'll hit the husband. Why not?

- Look! Why don't you yell,, Police"?

You don't have to be ashamed of that or do you?

- Police! - This is the police!

Let's scram through the window!

- It's different today. - We are to take the window!

- We can't go through the window. We've got the keys!

- We are going through the window! It's different today!

- But... au... au!

- I believe we have to get away through the window!

- Yes. - We'll go through the window, madam,

we know our way about even on a ladder!

- We'll see you through the window safely and go by way of the door.

We have the keys! Your jacket!

- I'll help you from outside. - My bag! My bag!

- I trust you.

- Dear madam, - Let's go!

- Put yourself in my care.

- Oh dear!

- The scaffolding seems rather low. - Never mind, Mr. Architect!

Officer, that's her! That's her!

- What goes on outside of my apartment? What do you want?

- I am going to tell you, madam. You are a childless widow...

You have no visitors... but you lend your apartment to other people...

- How dare you...! - Why shouldn't I dare?

Do you want us to believe there's no one in there?

- Officer, would you kindly tell me what's wrong

with lending my apartment to three friends

hardworking... - Yes, and I was working hard too

when they fleeced me... - Just a minute!

...received a medal today for the reconstruction of Prague...

why shouldn't they have a party!?

Do you expect them to camp outside? - You are telling as nice sob story

Like in a novel! Just unlock the door, will you...

and we'll see for ourselves. - You'll see they are alone in there.

- You'll see for yourself. - Go right ahead, see for yourself.

He is mad! - Quite a witch, isn't she?!

There you are. Why do I have to stand for this?

Such harassment... Why do I have to put up with this...

Here, officer, wait!

Wait, don't make sings to anyone.

The closets! Come here, come here. Well? What?

There's no one in there. - There's no one...

- There's no one... of course, Officer, how could there be?

People don't leave this place through the door! They go trough the window...

I'll show you... watch me... that's how... ouch!

- Get back, get back! Come back immediately!

- There's no scaffolding! Madam, the scaffolding's gone!

- This won't do! Don't take me for a fool!

- There's no scaffolding!

I sin, you sin,

we sin and what's wrong with sinning

if the men enjoy it, if they ask for it?

What? - A lot of fun with intellectuals.

- A lot of fun with intellectuals!

- You don't have to tell me...

- Girls, I have to go to...

When the neon... lights make the city bright...

- He had no childhood to speak of... because there were eleven children...

- No youth either... wading through mortar

from the age of fourteen.

- So what's left to him? - His legs in a plaster-cast.

- Idiots, it doesn't matter that things didn't really happen...

They could have. That's what's important!

- We had a grand time, anyway!

Hovorka, you aren't going to let us down?

Don't I know by now...? Accident at work.

A badly secured scaffolding. I am not going to let down people

whom the press wrote up as examples of socialist morals!

THE END