Original subtitles

Thank you.

That means you too, Ethan. Head ashore, sailor.

Aye, aye, sir. Head ashore.

I don't know, but I've been took.

Coastal kids got lots of soul.

Sound off. One, two.

I get the top bunk because I'm older. By two minutes. You know, when I was an

ensign, I always had the bottom bunk.

Did the guy above you wet his bed?

Good point.

Sound off.

Three, four.

Do they have girls boxing at our new school? I hope not.

Does not complaining about the move from San Diego count as my good deed for

today? I'd sign off on that.

Admiral, this is our 12th move in my lifetime.

I admire your record-keeping, Harry.

First-rate ship's log.

William, what have you got there?

Academy applications, SAT forms, Capitol Hill summer internship forms, and the

number of the girl two-house is down.

Outstanding. One-two.

So that's Christina Beardsley.

Christina! The zip is 063...

Christina, we have just moved here. Who could you possibly be talking to?

J. Crew.

I want to make sure they change all my shipping information.

Sound off.

Three, four.

Well, Mrs. Munyon, what do you think of Connecticut?

I'm delighted to be here in the birthplace of Lyme disease.

I see we're not unpacking our suitcase again.

Not until you guarantee this is our last move.

You're gonna like New London, Harry.

I used to live here when I was a kid.

You were a kid?

Yeah.

Hey, I didn't hear anything about that guarantee.

Well, son, you know the life of a military brat.

New places, new adventures.

This isn't our last move, is it?

No, this is just one stop over on our way to D.C.

Someday our dad's gonna be commandant of the entire U.S. Coast Guard.

Someday, I am going to be the commandant of the entire U.S. Coast Guard. So don't

piss me off.

Unpack your suitcase.

Yes, sir.

I'm so excited.

If you get me this private line at Saks Fifth Avenue, I will love you forever.

This is cute, huh?

Um, yes, thank you. This one is great. I should really get going if I'm going to

make that meeting.

I'm sorry, do you have to keep doing that? It's in my soul. Don't look at the

camera. Nay, I'll just back off a little bit. Give him a little room, do a master

shot, okay? Fine.

Hello.

Excuse me. Can you hear my new song?

Okay. Oh, God, yes!

Mommy's gonna listen to the rest of this song when your mom and I are finished

with work. Here you go.

It was great, baby.

Um, Helen, I gotta tell you, I think we're set here. No, just one more, Max.

I was thinking about this one. I don't know. Lau.

Yeah? What do you think of this one, honey?

Please. It needs a little swag.

A scooch of Gucci.

Like... this.

Butt and gulp. No one will ever doubt you're my son.

Mom!

You can't call it on unless you have talent.

That's just tagging.

Helen, really, I've got to go. I think we're really good. I really should be

getting out of here. Max, just give me one second. I love this one. Just give

me one second, okay? Mom, there's something wrong with my sax.

What is it, honey?

Okay, I'll be right back.

Sounds the same to me.

What's on my head?

What's on my head?

What's on my head? Jimmy, we found Rainbow!

Don't let it bite you. Where's Rainbow?

There he is. Come here, Rainbow.

Come here, Rainbow.

Hey, Max, thank you for being so incredibly patient.

Get back here.

This is fun.

Fiona, come back.

Algo, are you okay?

I'm shiny, Mommy. Yes, you are.

Very shiny.

Max, Max, I am so sorry. It gets a little crazy around here sometimes.

A little?

No, Helen, this is all terrific. You're very talented, and so are your ten kids.

Thank you, Max. Maybe our next meeting will be a contract signing, and maybe

it'll be in the city. Yeah, that sounds good.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

See you, Max.

Okay,

can you please explain to me why you just let that very single guy out of

here without even asking for a date? Oh, baby, what guy could possibly deal with

all of this?

No, it belongs to the Coast Guard.

I'm just gonna run it for them. So it is all yours.

Basically.

Frank! Frank!

Good to see you, man. Good to see you too, Daryl. All right.

Mad Dog Beardsley.

Who'd have thought they'd ever let Frank the Mad Dog back here, much less run the

place? You remember my youngest, Ethan?

Mad Dog Junior.

Can you give me a... Captain?

You are out of control, little man.

Request permission to play, Admiral? Permission granted.

You've seen Navy SEALs not as well-trained.

Well, when there's eight of them and one of you, it's your only hope.

It's Mad Dog Beardsley, the pirate!

Always on red alert with him.

Hey, Frank, are you dating at all yet?

No, no, not yet. Because I know this terrific gal I'd love to set you up

with. I know you'd like her. She's too good for me.

No, Daryl, no, thanks, but... All right, well, just think about it. That's all

I'm saying.

I'll think about it. All right.

Now there's a 20% chance of showers for New London and Point South.

Crying I think it's hormones

Union

Cruz

Like I have time to go on a cruise.

Mom!

Mick's dog just puked on Aldo.

Sorry!

I'm worried.

Don't be.

I've done this a million times.

You'll be great.

Okay, guys, fan out. William and I will take Ethan to Big K.

All right.

Everyone meet up here afterwards, okay?

Come on, it'll be fine.

Woo! I'm gonna get a superhero!

Hooray! Hooray! Superhero bouncers. I thought you weren't interested in that.

I thought you weren't gonna wear black anymore.

This isn't black. This is tie-dye.

And I'm not interested in Max. I'm interested in that buyer that he's

bringing up from New York.

Oh, there it is.

Thanks, Phoebe.

Why don't you just have them here?

Homes are for free expression, not for good impressions.

If you catch my drift.

Are you sure you want to wear the uniform, Admiral?

Not that you don't look great.

You just look so military.

She might as well know what she's getting.

Okay. But hold off on the eight kid thing. Why?

Because that's a minimum third date second bottle of wine announcement.

Hey, you know, believe it or not, I have been on a few dates before. A couple of

decades ago.

Admiral? Yeah, Ethan. Do you know that you can call me dad?

Oh, Admiral, is this lady going to be our new mom?

I don't think so. It's just a blind date.

She can't see? Can she navigate using sonar like a bat?

Hey, why don't you guys go swimming?

In the bathtub.

Go ahead.

I got the boat.

You get the dog.

Let's just give her a little hint of what's underneath.

You know, Christina, sometimes I wonder where you came from.

Mom's side.

Go wait up. I won't.

And so, Otter, he says, is she blind?

And Eli wants to know if you're a bat.

Because, uh... Would you like red or white?

Red. Red.

It is.

Daryl would drink beer with everything.

I mean, if he could have a keg with dinner, he would.

Oh, uh, would you like to order? Sure, I'll be right back.

Sure.

Oh, see? Now that is the kind of thing that would drive Daryl crazy.

Your hair now.

He'd say, so take our order!

You, uh, talk about Daryl a lot. Well, yeah.

We were married for seven years.

He didn't tell you that?

Uh, must have slipped his mind. Yeah, well, that's just like him.

I'm gonna go hit the head.

Helen?

Frank.

Helen? Frank Pearsley.

Well, what are you? No, no, no, you go first.

Well,

I'm having dinner with my, um... Hi, Frank, Max Algrant. Pleased to meet you.

So, what are you doing back here? Sit down.

Sit down, sit down, sit down.

Oh, yeah, thank you.

Well, I've been back here forever. I didn't want my kids growing up in the

whole, you know, New York money status thing. Yeah, that thing.

Yeah.

So, are you in town for the reunion?

Uh, no. I'm, um... I moved my family back here. I'm running the Coast Guard

Academy. Wow.

I'm an admiral. Yeah.

That's why I'm wearing a uniform.

An admiral. Yeah. With a family.

Well, you too. It's great. I mean... Yeah.

We're ready.

Okay. Wow.

It's great to see you again. See you.

You distracted by his good conduct medal? Shut up, Max.

Helen White.

16,137 results.

This internet is so darn easy.

He's married.

So, uh, how'd it go with Claudia? She's quite a catch, huh?

Yeah. It's amazing you ever let her go.

Oh, she mentioned she's my ex-wife, did she?

Yeah, it came up.

What, did you ask for references?

You know, just because she hates me is no reason you two couldn't work out. You

know who I ran into at the restaurant?

Her. Helen White.

Ring a bell?

Ding, ding.

Helen White?

Wait a minute.

The Helen White?

The one you were going to marry?

Uh-huh. Well, it's either fate or trouble.

She looked great.

I think she's married. She was with some guy and she had a ring.

Okay, that's trouble. Come on, Frank. What are you thinking? I don't know.

I was up all night. I was Googling her.

Jeez, Frank. You Googled another man's wife?

Yeah. What do you think that means?

I don't know.

Something dirty.

Well it's not.

I just wish there was a place I could run into her again.

senior class picnic down by the river. Ah, the thunderstorm?

Yeah. Everybody screaming.

Then we crawled under the rowboat. Oh, yeah.

And then even when it stopped raining, we didn't come out.

Yeah.

Anyway, that Max, he's a lucky guy.

Max? Oh, you think I'm with Max?

No. But you're wearing a wedding ring.

Yeah, no, I am. I just never took it off.

My husband passed away about four years ago. Car accident.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I understand.

I lost my wife a few years ago.

Oh, Frank, I'm sorry.

Flashback!

Frank and Helen holding hands!

Yay!

So cute! Want to dance?

The time is right You hold me tight

Love's got me high So how many kids do

you have?

How many kids do you have?

You first Okay,

look

You're going to find out eventually because there's too many to hide in the

closet.

I have eight kids.

I have ten.

You have ten?

I have ten.

You don't. I do.

I have ten. Did you say ten?

Adopted six.

I mean, that wasn't the plan.

We were foster parents, and we just fell in love with all of them, so we adopted.

It probably seems crazy. Oh, you don't have to explain to me.

I never thought that I'd love being a dad this much.

My wife, she was the one that wanted the big family, but now it just seems like

the most natural thing in the world.

Is this really happening?

I hope so.

So then,

I asked her to marry me.

And I said yes.

spontaneous and so romantic.

You got married?

Without telling us?

Yeah. Yeah. Sir, at least when you were reassigned to Guam, there was an email.

Who wants the talking stick first?

May I have it, please?

Yes, Jimmy.

Are you crazy?

Okay, fine. I have the talking stick.

He's a lovely, lovely man. And I'm sorry that we didn't include you. And he

has... Ten kids!

Hey, guys.

No, wait.

Guys!

It'll be fun having ten new brothers and sisters.

Okay, come on, guys.

Come on, come on. Group hug. Come on.

Come on!

It's gonna be fun!

But where will we live?

10, 15, 16, 17, 18.

Bust a pig. All president accounted for.

Before you make your break for the bedroom, could you point me to my

billet? Behind the kitchen, Mrs. Munyon, how do you like the place?

Oh, it has a certain... Charm.

Smell. Like paprika with a hint of...

Wet dog.

We're really glad you like the place.

Okay. Okay.

Crew! Kids!

All right, then. All right, kids.

Fall in for billeting!

For what?

Room assignments.

All eyes on the chart.

Your rooms are numbered. Your bathroom schedules are color-coded.

That's a good thing. It's great, because we all need a little bit of

organization.

We do, honey. You did a beautiful job.

Great. Mom gets married, we get drafted.

It's pretty cool.

Animal skinning.

Done.

You have an illness.

What are you doing?

It's called decorating.

No, that's called vandalism. Whatever.

No way.

Come back, Fiona!

Come back!

Spit it out!

Come on, spit it out! What is going on?

Come on, give it to me!

Where's my cell phone?

You are so dead!

She's just a...

Sounds like they're bonding.

That doesn't sound like bonding to me, Frank.

They just need a little jump start.

Jump start?

Yeah. Look, grab about a quart of sunblock.

I have a plan.

Okay.

So, everyone, what do you think of the MyWay? Who's gonna...

The Beardsley family, sail it. While you guys, I'm guessing, hang out in the

cabin and pick your noses.

No, we are all going to sail it. Working together like the many tentacles of an

octopus guided by one brain.

My children have separate brains, Frank. It's just a figure of speech.

No, it isn't.

Hey, trust me. One hour at sea together, gonna be best friends.

Okay, prepare to come about.

Were you listening when I gave my briefing about standard nautical

procedure? I have sunscreen in my eyes, sweetie. Oh, well, let's go below. We'll

wash it out. William, take the wheel.

Aye, sir.

Mrs. Munyon, you have the kids.

No problem.

Get that camera away from me.

But I'm capturing the verity of life at sea.

How about capturing my fist in your face?

Hey.

I'll get you some ginger ale. Kelly, get ready to feed the sale.

Aye, aye.

What are you doing? Come on, watch it.

Raise the gin!

Whoa, whoa!

Whoa, hey, get me down!

Get me down!

Hey, get me down from here, you freaks!

Let's see how funny you think this is from the water.

He's going to kill me.

What's going on?

Missed a little spot right there.

What's the matter?

I'm just giving up on my dream of having an all-family sailing team.

Oh.

Well, look on the bright side.

You got to spend the day at sea with me.

Yeah. Yeah, that was okay.

Oh, that was okay.

That was okay. I'll show you okay.

Oh, yeah. Yeah!

We can hear that.

No, you can't.

Okay, Rutherley, Rutherley. It's 6.05.

Time to get up.

Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Move it, move it, move it.

My God, who's killing a goat?

All right.

These are your schedules with latrine times. You get seven minutes each. Do

not waste it.

Why do I suddenly feel like I'm in prison?

Fashion police caught up with you?

Up top, girlfriend.

Why the drill, Admiral?

It's not a drill, William.

We have doubled our force. That calls for increased coordination.

Don't worry. You'll soon be doing this in your sleep.

I am asleep.

Oh, I'm sorry, William. Is that your homework?

Listen up!

Before you go to school, there's one thing we need to do.

Everybody ready?

Yeah. Hi,

you've reached Frank. Helen. Harry. Bina. Malcolm.

Michael. Obama. Joni. Phoebe. William.

Otter. Eli. Christina.

Are you the freaks?

I heard you had like 25 brothers and sisters.

No, we just have 16.

Nasty. Dude, I hear they all sleep in drawers.

And they're so poor, they all have to share one pair of underpants.

18 kids, man, I slept a Brady Bunch. Times three.

Wait, 25 times three, plus my three sons.

God, I like math.

Yeah, I totally like math.

Unbelievable. Not only do I have to listen to it at home, but I'm forced to

catch the roadshow.

Well, not all music needs backup dancers.

Just the good music.

Hey. Hey.

Forget about it.

What are you talking about?

Look, I've known Nick for years.

He's cute, but totally shallow.

Then again, maybe he is your type.

Where's the Admiral? I'm lodging a formal complaint against Phoebe. She

stinks.

It's probably out dreaming up new ways to ruin our lives.

This is so ridiculous.

Just because he got married, we all have to suffer.

Not necessarily.

Okay, what are you doing on Dad's computer?

Just making a few changes to the schedule.

Unauthorized, of course.

Now this, I can live with.

Come on! I have to get ready for school!

Your face isn't big enough to hold that much makeup. Get a watch, hippie chick.

It's my time.

She's right.

Our time was first.

No way. I checked the schedule last night. Those evil preppies must have

changed it. We should pound him!

Yeah! To me, nothing says time to get out of the bathroom like...

And this is a no-judgment circle.

So whoever has a stick may express themselves without fear or interruption.

So, William, why don't you begin? Go ahead. Just, you know, say what you need

to.

Wait.

One of you must have something to say.

Okay, if I can interrupt.

I'll take the talking stick.

Okay, I have something to say. In the interest of making this house a

home, I have come up with a little chore chart.

You've got to be kidding me. Is this a joke? Charts are never a joke with the

Admiral. Look, Mom, we gotta go. We're gonna be late. Go. Yeah, let's get out

of here. Whoa, whoa!

I want you all home right after school because we have to go out and

requisition supplies.

Dismissed. Let's go.

Whoa, that's a nice chart, Frank. Looks like you put a lot of work into it.

And this is definitely one of a kind.

Oh, that was a disaster.

Well, at least there's no blood.

Yet.

What are you doing?

Hey, Christina.

You lied to me. You said he was a loser.

He is a loser.

Hey. A very hot loser.

Cool.

Thanks for the warning, sis.

I'll be sure to return the favor first chance I get.

She seems sweet.

Hey, Admiral, will you build me and Aldo a sandbox?

Well, sure, once we get further along with the house.

Yay, a sandbox!

Okay, blue team, spackle. Red team?

Insulation. You guys, stop that. I didn't hit you.

Hey. Give it back. You want the ball?

Go get it. Where'd it go?

Let's go get it.

Hey, buddy. Can you give me a hand?

How's it going?

Good. I ordered us a part that'll have us up and running in no time.

You sure are putting a lot of effort into fixing that big old light bulb.

A lighthouse without a light.

It's just a house.

And that's a problem because... Have I ever told you the story of the beautiful

lighthouse keeper?

The beautiful lighthouse keeper? No, I think I would have remembered that.

Well, once upon a time, there was a beautiful lighthouse keeper.

Wait, wait. I thought that lighthouse keepers were old men in yellow raincoats

with long white beards. Oh, no.

This one was a real hottie. She had long red hair.

She was tall.

And her body, it was a bomb.

Anyway, her man was a sailor. Oh, I love sailors.

And he was afraid that she'd find someone else whenever he was away.

So she said to him,

As long as that light up there is lit, my heart will always be yours.

So from then on, whenever he was away at sea, he could just look back and he'd

see that light.

And he knew that his true love still cared.

Oh, Frank.

Yes, my beautiful lighthouse keeper.

We're doing the right thing, aren't we?

We've had a bumpy start.

Yeah. Come here. I'm gonna show you something. Okay.

Okay.

See that?

That's the buddy system.

We're gelling as a family even as we speak.

Yeah.

Well, it just might work.

Kelly's sicker. I know.

Otter and Eli playing outside.

Ethan and Aldo playing inside.

Marissa and Beena. Can we plant flowers?

A garden?

I think planting a garden would be lovely.

So that leaves time for a little drive. I have this romantic spot I've been

wanting to take you to.

I'll get my keys.

Mrs. Munyon, would you mind watching the little kids for a while?

Oh, sure.

They'll be in full lockdown.

Good.

Well, lockdown won't be necessary. Just check in on them every now and then.

We'll be back. Mrs.

Munyon's in charge.

Excuse me.

Sorry. We're with quality control.

Products test. I'm sorry.

Just leave it. Come on. I'm so sorry.

I'm really, really sorry.

Let's try that one. Oh, my gosh.

Better yet, let's go look at sofas.

Why do I have to do all this work just to live with these jerks?

Well, what do you suggest?

When are you gonna drop a stink bomb on them? Just watch the master.

Hey! Watch it!

Loser!

Hey,

get back here!

You did not just splatter me with paint. What are you talking about?

Is that my shirt? The one that you just got paint on? Yeah, thank God. Take it

off!

You trashed the yard and painted the pig.

You turned a 200-year-old paneled foyer into a Jackson, uh...

Pollock. Pollock. It was her fault for wearing my shirt in the first... I am

not finished.

Now, your mother and I know that you do not get along, but you're just going to

have to pretend that you like each other until you actually do.

And until you have learned why we think that you are all...

Until you've learned why we think you're all so terrific, demand a level of

civility and cooperation, or I will bring the hammer down.

Is it a real hammer? No, no, that's just a metaphor.

I'm scared.

Don't be scared, Alzo. Don't be scared. Should I go get the hammer, sir?

It's not a real hammer. It's just a pretend hammer. I only said that for

effect. Now, we'd like you to all think about what we just said, except for

maybe the part about the hammer. Yeah, forget the hammer.

Let's just get started cleaning this place up.

But first, let's have a group hug.

Come on.

Okay. Come on. You mean actually hug each other? Yeah, that's what I mean.

Come on.

Uh,

yeah. Well, gang, let's get in on this group hug thing.

It's an order.

There you go.

Can't you feel the love, honey?

Okay, everybody.

It's time that we call a truce.

We need to unite against a greater enemy.

And that enemy's name is Mom and Dad.

What are you talking about?

He's saying we are all totally incompatible, but our parents don't seem

to care.

Exactly. Guys, we're all in this together.

Some of us are in it together. And some of us are busy cornering the boyfriend

market. You stole my shirt. Now we're even.

Cheerleader. Come on, guys. None of us likes this situation.

But if we want out, then we gotta stop fighting and get them to start.

Really? How are we gonna do that? Easy.

Who knows what drives our parents crazy better than we do?

Hey, I want to do it! I want to do it! I want to do it!

Washington, this is Soldiers Morning Update.

This morning... Sports Talk 640, and

the Patriots are going for a three.

It looks like Frank did some shopping. What is that smell?

That's barbaric. Is that a liver?

Well, shall we get some tea?

Oh, that would be lovely.

I love tea in the afternoon.

I love tea, but we have to boil it.

Looking good, man.

Don't they?

Frank.

Fix bayonets! Frank!

What if he brings his hammer?

There is no hammer.

But maybe we're kind of crossing the line. I don't feel right about

endangering the little kids.

Trust me, they're biologically protected by the cuteness factor.

This is gonna be good.

Stop! Isn't it pretty?

That was very naughty.

Oh, what's happening?

Oh, boys.

I don't think that was a good idea, do you?

No.

But that was very important to your father, so you need to say you're sorry.

Sorry. Okay, now, go on and play.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

That's it?

Go play?

Well, they're four years old, Frank. What else is there, though?

There are other... A spanking? No, honey, of course not. We don't spank our

children. The animal does.

Occasionally, a little pat on the butt sends a clear message.

Well, you're not spanking my children.

I thought they were our children.

You're not spanking our children.

Okay, fine.

Let's just let them all run naked and wild.

You think it's working?

Does that answer your question?

Yes.

The committee was very impressed, Frank. Nice job.

I take my work very seriously, sir.

Don't think that the brass hasn't noticed.

The brass, sir?

I'm the brass, and I've noticed.

I just don't like giving direct compliments. Something about it feels

unmanly. Well, thank you. Oh, what the hell.

I'm proud of you, Frank.

You deserve everything you're about to get.

Helen.

Yeah. We got sacks.

What?

We got sacks.

Yeah, but don't get too excited. They want to see a dozen new designs by

Friday. By Friday?

Whoa, I'm excited and scared all at the same time.

You can do it. At least now you got Frank to lean on.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

Well, I better get going. I got a lot to do.

Do you like these better?

Uh-uh.

Okay. Well, then I think you're set.

Love you.

Sorry about the chalkboard, Admiral.

It's all right, sailor.

Hey.

Why don't you just kiss her and make up?

Mrs. Minion isn't so bad.

You're not getting any younger.

Can we please have some privacy?

I'm sorry about what happened. Don't you?

So,

how'd your meeting go?

Did he mention anything about the promotion?

No, not really. It's... That's just a pipe dream, anyway.

Is it?

You're not getting rid of me that easily.

How was your day?

Oh, my day. Well, ooh, let's see. I, um, ate, and I worked a little bit, and I

made a giant deal with Saks Fifth Avenue.

You did not. I did too.

That's great news.

Oh, that's fantastic.

Oh, I'm so proud of you. Oh, I couldn't wait to tell you.

Great. How can I help you?

What can I do around here to help you? I'm set.

You need help organizing the studio?

No, no, the studio is organized.

Of course it is, yeah.

Well, I'll think of something.

Your mom is going to be very busy over the next couple of days, so I want

everyone on their best behavior. That's an order.

We're always on our best behavior, sir.

Ethan!

I'll go!

Excuse us!

Boys! I guess we'll be doing a little extra cleaning, too.

Right. As you were.

Cleaning, huh?

Grab the other guys. I know just where to start.

Bright colors.

Permanent prez.

Whites.

Excuse me? I'm still wet.

Socks.

Oh, Michael, is this something you forgot?

Shut up.

That's mine.

Did you do it? Yeah.

I just don't understand.

Where are my velvet blue vials?

You know what?

Why would anybody do this?

But it's clean.

No, honey, I can't work with clean. I have a deadline. Oh, my God, I'll never

be able to find anything. My ultra suede used to be here right beneath the blue

fur. Do you remember that?

Where's my fake alligator skin?

We thought we'd surprise you.

Yeah, we thought that you'd like it. The Admiral always does say a clean ship is

a happy ship.

Hey. Wow.

This place is ship-shape.

Well, you just had to, Frank, didn't you?

Excuse me?

No, Frank, I understand your pathological need to organize the rest

of the house, but this is my space. I need just a little bit of respect.

You're killing me, Frank.

Did I miss something?

Don't you think you're overreacting just a little?

Me?

You know what? Never mind, Frank.

You know, you were gonna spank the boys over wrecking your silly organizational

chart, but I'm not allowed to be upset about my studio.

I was not going to spank them, and charts are not silly.

Do you know what happens to a ship in chaos?

It sinks.

Homes are for free expression, not for good impressions.

Well, I'm sorry, but in the military, there's little room for free expression.

Except for that we're not in the military, Frank. You are.

I just thought that you would work better in a clean studio.

I knew it. I knew you put them up to it. I most certainly did not.

No, maybe not directly. But in that whole orderly, military, regimented,

brainwashing thing.

You left out anal retentive. Oh, and that too.

Is that what you think?

Yes.

That's what I think.

Then I think that I'm sleeping somewhere else.

I'm gonna fix it.

Officer Asleep.

that we just need one more big thing to push them over the edge. Oh, uh, have

them catch you and Phoebe together?

You're really sick.

Okay, then have them catch you and Phoebe together.

How about they catch me with my hands around your neck?

Listen, the commandant's coming this weekend. They have to go to the

trustees' dinner, and Mrs. Munyon has the weekend off.

Ah, two words, par and tea.

Party. Yeah, I got that.

No, it's a perfect idea, because Mom won't care, and Frank's gonna hate it.

You guys ready? Let's get to work.

Oh, no, I can't. I still have to make like a million of these posters for the

election. Yeah, for what? The class of 59?

Couldn't get elected hall monitor with this.

Here.

Imagine this in a three-color spray paint.

Nice. And I know some great campaign workers.

This could actually help give me a library. Yeah somebody might actually

think you're cool

They didn't know you.

Huh.

That's funny.

We'll be home after midnight. Make sure the kids don't stay up too late.

Ready?

Yeah, one minute.

Are you timing me?

No. No.

Okay.

Hey, Mom. Yeah?

William and I were wondering if we could have a couple friends over, you know,

after we put the little kids to sleep.

Un... Unbelievable.

Can we?

Mom? Yeah, sweetheart. You have a good time, okay? Thanks, you too.

She went for it.

So where are the little kids?

I got them covered.

First of all, I want to thank Admiral Beardsley and his wife, Helen, for this

wonderful evening.

Frank, you run a tight ship. You ought to see me on the water.

That's why tonight I'm going to offer my recommendation that Admiral Frank

Beardsley be my successor as commandant.

Get off, Frank.

Being Commandant, you'll be at sea wishing that you were home. Or you'll be

in Washington wishing that you were at sea.

Let's all stand and applaud Commandant Frank Beardsley.

Thank you, Commandant Sherman.

I know that...

This command is an incredible opportunity and a great honor.

But I've just started here at the Academy, and it would not be fair to

my cadets, nor would it be fair to my new family, who just

about outnumber the cadets.

And so, sir, I must respectfully...

Decline. And I hope that you know how honored I am.

I think you might

reconsider. You want to sleep on it? No, sir. I'm sure. Thank you. Um, I'll do

it. Get a load of this guy.

You want to sleep on it?

I understand.

All the girls in the...

What's going on baby? What are you doing?

Oh, don't worry. Look, I'm making the money, but I'm gonna split it with

everybody. Might as well tip us a service fee.

What's this? I didn't order any beer.

Don't look at me. I just wanted to break our parents up, not go to jail.

I didn't order pizza.

Well, somebody did.

Somebody owes me 379 bucks, plus tip.

379? Plus tip.

I'll be right back.

Gross.

Yo, Christina.

Cool party.

Hey, Nick.

Um, Phoebe's out trying to raise money for pizza.

Maybe I came to see you.

Me?

Well, I can't believe you're really into me.

You're hot.

Why wouldn't I be?

I don't know. Maybe because... Phoebe is

my sister.

Oh, hey, Phoebe. Get lost, loser.

Look, I'm really sorry.

No, no, I'm so sorry. Let's promise never to let boys come between us again.

Yeah, like that's really gonna happen.

Come on.

Let's just take a deep breath, Frank.

Yo, B, nice hat.

Oh, boy.

Jimmy, I'm looking all over for you. There you go.

Phoebe!

Hi. What is going on here?

Mom said that we could have some people over.

Do you agree to this?

No, Phoebe, I said you could have a few friends over.

I did not agree to this.

Where's everybody else?

Where are the little kids?

I need more chocolate.

raise your hand.

Anyone else remaining here after five minutes will be forcibly conscripted

into the United States Coast Guard.

Kitchen.

All right, everybody, fall in.

I said fall in!

Dylan, Phoebe, I am very disappointed in both of you.

Disappointed? Is that what you are, Helen?

Disappointed? William Christina Frontencenter.

Frank, take it easy.

No, Helen. There has been enough taking it easy around here that clearly doesn't

work. I should have never gone against my better judgment. This is why we have

rules. Do you hear yourself?

Because it's not all about rules. You sound like some military robot, Frank.

Yeah? Well, you sound like a big free-to-be-you-and-me flake.

You have one hour to get this place cleaned up.

There is nothing wrong with having rules.

Everybody lives by them. The entire universe lives by them.

Well, then, Frank, that's the last thing these kids need from me.

There's only one rule I know, and that's at any time, all of this could be over,

taken away from you forever.

Then who needs more rules after that?

I can't live like this anymore, Frank, and neither can my kids.

I don't know how yours do it.

My kids?

Got along just fine until we moved in together.

Everything was ship shape.

Oh, Frank.

It's obvious that we got into this way too fast.

I thought we could just pick up where we left off in high school, but maybe

that's a lot longer ago than we both realized.

Maybe it was.

Hey, you know what, Frank?

I think you should take that job.

I told you, I don't want to take that job. No, just come on. We both know what

your better judgment is telling you, okay?

You know what? Just please go.

Just go.

Does this mean you're not going to be my brother anymore?

I don't know.

Let's get this party started.

Who wants a double stop?

Helen cried herself to sleep tonight.

We should be ashamed. It's all our fault.

My mom was happier with your dorky dad than I've seen her in years.

And we totally screwed it up.

But this is what we wanted, remember?

Two separate families?

Yeah, but I didn't know it would feel like this.

Yeah.

Hello? Hi.

It's me.

Hi.

I've been thinking a lot about what you said.

And I... I think maybe I will take that job.

You know, Frank, we have to talk to the cats.

I'll tell them.

Why don't you go home to your shoe?

Shut up. Did you just tell him to shut up?

Is there a problem, punk?

What's it to you? You mess with my brothers, you mess with me.

And me.

And me. And me.

And me. And me. And me.

It's all good.

Otter, are these the kids that have a problem? problem with big families they

say we share our underpants oh that's just ignorance and do you know how to

stop ignorance uh education close butt whoop

hey

what's going on guys just some kids messing with their little

brothers but we handled it family style

I don't touch it, bro.

You have a tendency of rambling. Okay, listen up, guys.

I have something important to say.

We're leaving?

What? No.

Do we have to leave?

Look, just because you and Mom had a little fight, that's no reason... It was

a big fight.

This whole thing is our fault.

We tried to...

make all of you live with people that you have nothing in common with.

And that was self-centered of us.

It was pig-headed.

I'd like to talk about this more, but my ship sails in a half hour. Where are you

going? I have to visit all the commands on the East Coast to prep for my new

job.

So let's lose the long faces.

If you ever need anything, that means all of you North kids.

You just call me.

I'll be there.

Got it?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, Greg.

William, you know the routine.

Mrs. Munyon will bring you down to Washington once I get us set up. But you

can't go. Come on. But you can't go.

Listen, I promise everything will be exactly as it was before.

This is our last move.

I have to go.

You're not going to tell him you won class president?

It doesn't matter anymore.

What are you going to do?

I'm going to pack and we're going to move just like every other time. So

that's it? We're just going to give in and let this happen? You know the drill,

Christina. William, wait.

Wait. What?

Please.

and I guess we better stop that boat.

Kelly, some of you guys should stay here and wait for Mom.

Got it. All right, as for the rest of us, let's do this.

I

know

how to cheer Mom up.

Let's put her room back to the way she likes it.

Even if I've been told a long time ago.

Even if I've been told a long time ago.

I've been told, baby, you've been told. I won't be your fool no more.

Old Dick and I, nothing but a child.

I just got a little child.

Old Dick and I, nothing but a child.

What is going on? Oh, I was just vacuuming up a storm and then... Where

is everybody? Where are the big kids?

They all went to go stop Dad.

And we stayed here to mess the place up because you were so mad when we cleaned

it up.

We changed our minds about the plan to break you up. We like living together.

You plan to break us up?

Oh. Come on, kids, come on. No, Mom!

What? We have to go.

Coming down to the bridge.

Welcome aboard, sir.

Happy to be aboard.

Admiral,

we've cleared the seaboard. We're ready to pick up full speed.

Ask Admiral Beardsley.

Soon it's all going to be his.

Frank, you give the orders.

With your command, Admiral.

All stop.

All stop, aye.

Now what it's my kids

What

are

you doing

We tried to break you and Mom up so we could go back to the way things were. We

made a huge mistake. And we realized that we should all be a family. Come on,

Dad. We need to be together. Come on, Dad.

Let's go.

I'm sorry, guys.

It's already too late.

Your mom is really...

My beautiful lighthouse keeper.

I'm sorry.

I am too.

This is where I belong.

Yeah.

And I think my kids agree.

Your kids?

Our kids.

Will you marry me again?

Yeah.

Only this time, the right way.

How you doing, Frank? Helen. Harry. Jimmy.

Marissa. Tina. Malcolm. Michael. Dylan.

Johnny. Baby. William. Eli.

Christina. Ethan.

Nick. Lou.

Kelly. Wave your best at the beep.

You know.