Original subtitles

This version of TotÚ e Carolina contains in the present copy,

Mario Monicelli's original edit before being censored.

It was reconstructed by Aurelio de Laurentiis

in collaboration with Cineteca Nazionale and Cineteca di Bologna.

TOT” AND CAROLINA

Good evening. - Hi.

Gotta light? - Help yourself.

Well.. - Well, what?

Want to come with me?

You got any money? - Do I look I got no money?

Let me see it first. - Oh! Don't you trust me?

To trust is good, but to not trust, is better.

But you look like a good guy. Let's go.

Yeah..

But to the police station!

See, I shouldn't trust!

Come on, get moving! - Get off of me!

The patrol!

Wait, give me my money!

Get outta here!

Look at this bastard! Wait! Wait!

Stop, stop! Look how he runs!

Crook! Criminal! Thief!

If I catch you, I'll send you to jail!

Criminal, jailbird!

Sergeant, I was robbed. I want to file a complaint!

Let go, don't touch me! - To the station. - Why not? - Come and tell me all about it.

Really, it'd better if certain people went instead!

Bravo! Well done!

A scandal! An indecency! Those sluts!

Come on, move it!

How dare you, Sergeant? This is my husband!

What husband? Elvira, don't bust my chops!

Ah, it's you, Sergeant. No mustache, eh?

Yeah, I pawned it!

You were so much more handsome before.. - Three years in jail!

Excuse me, Excellency.

Come on, get down. - Sergeant, we agree then, right?

If you won't let us work.. - You call that work!

They should give these guys a medal!

Did you hear me?

Make sure the baby doesn't get cold

and give him his bottle in a half hour and again at six tomorrow morning!

Get off! Get on the truck! Move it!

Mama mia, how embarrassing! If they find out at my house!

Are we all here?

Were missing the driver? - Caccavallo? And where is he?

Look, he's coming.

Hey!

Where have you been?

Don't you know regulation says that a driver can't leave his post?

I know, Sergeant, but I can't stay behind while my brothers fight.

We're officers, not stones. Come!

Criminal, get up there! - Get on! - Let's go!

Hurry up! On board!

Wait, here's another one! - We're all full.

Let her sit up front then! - Regulations prohibit it.

What prohibitions? - What? Sergeant!

Nobody outside of the force is allowed to sit up with the driver,

unless a superior orders it! - Fine, I'll go by taxi.

Eh, well.. - Get her on fast! - But the rules..

You and your rules!

Damn! Just now that we got the money.

Here.

Get down, come on. Come on, let's go!

Sergeant, these tires had it.

It's the same with the other jeeps. Try and apply for new tires.

Where are you going? Watch it!

Hey, who's on duty tonight? - Marzachi.

What a drag! Have Giovaninni question us!

It's a drag, is it? You think I give the orders?

Hey, Fernanda! - Marco, what didja do? Where ya going?

To Regina Coeli. - Then say hi to Beppe, he's on the 4th floor. - OK.

Tell'em I talked to the lawyer and not to worry! - OK.

What didja do? - Nothing really.

What did he do? - Skilled theft. - Oh, well!

What skill? Poor bastard! He's always caught!

Always the same ones, eh?

Nothing new, Marshal. The same old faces.

Good. We'll get this over with.

Check the file.

Zautini, Marcella!

Baiocchi, Fernanda!

Marshal, I want to file a complaint because I was robbed.

You need to put more police near Villa Borghese.

The worst of Rome's there!

And what were you doing at Villa Borghese? - I was passing by.

Then don't pass by Villa Borghese again!

All of you, don't put a foot in there for any reason!

How should I tell you?

Marshal, can I be home tomorrow morning by 7?

Proietti, Anna Maria!

My God, how shameful! Me in a police station!

If my mom finds out! The shame!

De Angelis, Giovanna, aka "The Ashamed".

Can I smoke a cigarette, Marshal? - No.

De Angelis, Giovanna isn't on file.

Of course, I'm an honest person. I've only been here four times!

See? She knows it better than you! Look again.

Who do we have here?

Never seen before.

Well, occasionally we renew the ranks, right?

And hopefully some will retire.

You're right.

Hey, what's your name?

Hey, I'm talking to you!

Carolina.

What else?

Any papers? An I.D.?

De Vico, Carolina, daughter of Eustachio. and Casimini, Lucia. Domestic.

Are you on file?

How should I know? - What do you mean? Let's check.

De Vico, Carolina!

You walk the streets but don't know if you're on file?

Who took her in?

Who? - This one. Who took her in?

This one was taken in by Caccavallo. - Ah! That's great!

Where are you from?

From Poggio Falcone. - She's not on file.

You must work under the radar!

And not registered!

Register? - Don't you know you need a membership card for this job?

Put a sock in it!

Listen, it's better you bring this one to the commissioner. Let him deal with it.

I think she came from the country to prostitute herself in Rome. - Let's go.

Great! As if there weren't enough competition around here!

Where are you taking this one? - To the commissioner. He'll deal with it.

It was my nose! I realized I had a big fish!

My friend, it's all about smell.

What you need in life is a nose!

You won't talk, eh? What did you do?

Caccavallo, leave it, he's waiting for her. Come on.

Here we are, eh?

Who's that? - That one?

A big deal! Big as the atomic bomb!

Who would've thought!

By the way, I've a test on Thursday, on the regulations. Help me study.

Ah! You're testing! Then let me test you.

Let's see..

Here's one.

So.. "Public meetings and assemblies in public places".

I know it. I know it completely. - Yeah? Then, tell me..

What if the order to evacuate doesn't take effect?

Article 23.

You jump to 23! Begin at the beginning, OK?

You said you knew it by heart. - You caught me off guard!

Give me just the first word. - Which?

The first! - Just the first word?

I'm not telling. - You're a big jerk!

Oh, I'm a jerk? Nobody calls me a jerk!

Really? - No. - No one? - No!

And yet, I would've sworn.. - Very funny.

Excuse me, the Commissioner? - Second floor, up the steps.

The errand boy should have warned me! - He did. - No, he didn't!

He did! - He didn't!

The order.. - "If the order to evacuate takes no effect.."

If the order to leave.. - To evacuate.

To evacuate.. - Takes no.. - I know, I know!

One gives.. - One gives the order.. the order.. - Evacuate.. - Evacuate..

The assembly.. - The assembly! I know!

Using the means of.. - the means.. - Three..

Of three.. - Don't tell me, I know it!

By three.. - Distinct forms of intimidation..

Distinct forms of inti.. - ..midation. - Intima-ding..

Three distinct forms.. I know. Don't tell me.!

Three distinct intima-ding... ding-ding-ding..

Yeah, ding-ding-ding! - These damn bells!

What bells? Intimidations!

Intima-ding-ding-ding-ation!

OK, "preceded by a.." - God, I know!

Preceded by a.. - A.. - A..

Preceded by a..

A raspberry? - A raspberry!

But you were going like this! - It's a bugle.

No, a bugle goes like this!

It goes like this. - If the bugle has no effect..

Then, man, you're in for it! - Excuse me, whatcha eating?

It's fresh!

You could wash your hands. - What's the big deal?

I just changed the tire and washed the jeep.

By the way, how's the commissioner's bust coming along? - It's moving along.

Thursday's his birthday. - I know, but tomorrow's Sunday.

I'll be home all day to work on it.

You know what I'm missing? - What? - Raw material.

You miss what? You steal a kilo of crumb every day!

But the commissioner's bust is life sized. - Right.

Caccavallo! - What? The commissioner wants you. - Coming!

It's probably that business about the girl..

This nose of mine!

I tell you the seven had no pair! - You paired it with a seven!

What..? - Shut up!

Hey, hey, hey! Should I throw someone in jail?

I work, I don't beg for alms. - You must work in the day, not when people sleep!

For three nights, he stopped at my house and po-po-po-popom!

That's when I threw the water on him. Yes, Sir.

Water! - Water? That wasn't water!

Smell it, Sergeant! My suit was ruined!

Come in!

At your orders, Commissioner!

Come, tell me where you found this one here.

Commissioner, I was making a "circuminspection",

near the vicinity of Plaza de Siena,

when I suddenly.. spotted the accused!

Accused of what?

The act of prostitution, Sir.

Did you find her with anybody? Were there any signs?

I don't need that kind of evidence. Modestly, I don't like to brag,

I have a nose that, no disrespect to anybody else's, has a great smell!

In other words, a nose with a golden sniff!

Then smell this and see if it's piss.

What's this nonsense? Get out! Who let you in?

Excuse me.. - You must wait outside until I tell you!

I thought.. - You mustn't think! I forbid it! - Leave!

Just obey, understand?

I need to give permission for you to enter, is that clear?

What? Is my face dirty? - No.

A bug? - Not at all!

Why do you stare then? - It's nothing. Just a little surprise for your birthday.

Caccavallo, I've more than enough surprises. I'm telling you again,

you need to worry about the vehicles.

What got in your head to grab this girl when there's already a squad for that?

I wanted to help. Lend my support, my experience, my sense of smell..

Caccavallo! - Yes, Sir?

When you're on duty, you mustn't smell! - Yes, Sir!

You must cover your nose! - Yes, Sir! - Like this! - Yes, Sir!

What happened? - Oh, faking it!

The same old act! Get up, girl, up!

Damn, she took a bottle of sleeping pills! - No!

Come, quick. Take her to the hospital! - Shall I call an ambulance?

Hello, Holy Spirit Hospital? - Ambulance! Drivers!

Could things get any worse? A suicide is all we need!

Holy Spirit Hospital. Hurry.

Idiot! Look at the mess we're in!

I'd like to know where you found her? Where?

At Villa.. - Shut up! - Villa.. - Shut up!

If she dies, the newspapers and press will say we tortured her!

After the Egidi case, we can't even hit anybody!

Clear out! Clear out! - The doctor on duty, please.

Go with her and make sure they attend to her right away!

And bring me word. Go! Don't wait! - Yes, Sir, I fly!

Hello.. This is Commissioner Ascella, Doctor.

Excuse me, Sister. How is she? - No need to worry.

It's just that I've orders to make sure the victim is well attended.

Who is the doctor on duty? - Dr. Rinaldi, a talented young man.

When he has more experience, he'll go far. - More? He doesn't have any?

Well, he just graduated. But he's the son of Dr. Rinaldi, our director.

Let's hope!

I put on my signal!

But you gotta do it 100 meters ahead. Not at the last moment! - Silence!

Article 455.. "If an offender.."

Courage, my son. Courage.

This one is finished too. - And now? Good heavens!

Now I'm going home to take a nice nap.

A nap? - Thank God, I'm done with this annoyance!

Doctor, fine, I get it. A criminal, a refractory wanderer..

but a little respect! It's a human cadaver!

What cadaver? - Which one? That one there.

What cadaver? That one's out of danger.

She had her stomach pumped. - Pumped? Is she really out of danger?

And wasn't she on the danger list?

Poisons are poisonous.

Calm down, it was nothing. - What nothing? If she dies, it falls on me!

Don't worry, it's not serious. She's out of danger, take it from me. - From you?

Yes. - What does dad think? - What says dad? - Which dad?

Your dad, the director, the doctor, the good one, who heals..

What do I know? - What do you mean? A peripatetic case, "what do I know"?

Doctor, I say we should call dad.

You're joking! You want to call my dad for such nonsense!

Nonsense! Somebody on the danger list and you call that a nonsense?

Come on, call dad, please. - Listen, that girl can be released tomorrow.

She will but I won't! Let's call dad. Let's hear what daddy says!

Daddy!

They're kids! What can you do?

What will happen? If this goes bad.. Let me take a peek.

She's better, but must sleep until tomorrow. Evening. - Evening.

Who are you? What a scare! What's the matter?

She's the one who took poison? - Yes. - Why? - How do I know?

Ah, maybe there's a win at lotto here!

Poison, 18. Anything else about her? - Yeah, imagine if I should spread info!

Yet, I always guess the right numbers. Last month, I won 12,000 lire.

12,000 lire! By Jove! And how?

Who is she?

A slut. - 78! Did you arrest her? - With all due modesty.

The arrest gives 40.. No, we must put 24 for a guard.

The guard, 24? - 24.. I'm 24? - Yes.

And I'm worth just 24? - What's wrong with 24?

Officer Caccavallo doesn't get played for lotto! Got it? Go away.

Then the police.. is 4. - Play 4.

Then we have 4, 18, 40 and 78, eh? - What did you say? Come back here!

4, 18,

18...40... - 40 and 78..

No, but I'll play 24. I like it. - 24?

I play that too. - That's it, nice.

One more, one less..

Here we go..

Professor Rinaldi, please. - In the back, after the elevator.

Here he is.

Hey, you! Hey, you!

Leave me be.. - HEY! - Who's that?

Police! - Fine, but we need to remove the sheets to disinfect them.

Disinfect? Am I infected?

Not you, that old lady died yesterday!

Tha.. tha.. that old lady died? Why didn't you put up a sign?

Why should we? - What a world we live in! No peace, no God, no hygiene!

Infection!

Doctor!

Doctor! Listen, Doctor!

I'm infected, Doctor!

Oh, damn it, Doctor!

Doctor! Doctor! Where is he? Doctor!

Doctor, please.. Ah, it's you again? - Yes.

Did you rest well? - What rest? You must do something.

I'm infected. - Infected? - Yes.

I slept in the old lady's bed who died last night.

Ah, no. She was an old street beggar. She died of consumption.

Consumption? -Yes. - What's that? - In short, has died of weakness.

I already feel a little weak! - Dead from hunger.

Hunger? That changes things, it's a trifle.

Instead I thought.. - No, died from hunger.

Thank you, Doctor. My respects, Doctor.

Doctor! My respects! At your service!

At times...

Your superior is looking for you. - My superior? The commissioner?

In the doctor's office.. - Down there? Thanks.

Please, Sister, may I have this crumb? - Go right ahead. - Thank you, Sister.

At your service, Commissioner. - You've been lucky.

If that girl went.. - How could she? I was here all night!

I meant if she died. - How could she when I'm here?

You see, Sir? - The Daddy! Are you daddy?

I've had the pleasure of meeting your son, Doctor. Very nice guy.

He's quite competent! - Yeah.

Sir.. - I must attend to my patients. I'm leaving.

Remember what I said. The girl is the impulsive type..

A hypochondriac, psychologically weak. - Yes..

She could try to kill herself in the near future.

You must keep an eye on her. - Thank you for taking your time.

Excuse me, do you mind if I have a few words with my subordinate?

As you wish. - Very nice of you.

Look at this! They're already saying that we're torturers,

we mistreat poor defenseless girls; our methods are unworthy of a civilization!

With names, dates and all!

Names? Did they mention me? - Of course, read it.

I can? - Yes! - May I, Sir? - Be my guest!

It makes one proud. - Naturally!

"An officer of bad judgment.. inhuman.. who doesn't deserve.."

Look at the mess you've gotten us into!

Is it my fault? - No, mine! It was you who took her in.

She was fine at Villa Borghese, not bothering anyone..

But no! You arrive with your nose and bring her here to kill herself.

But she's not dead, right? - Fine, but now she's our problem!

We can't arrest her, since she did nothing wrong. She was there by chance.

Nor can we let her go because you heard the doctor.

She might kill herself and then we'll get scandal, the press..

I wonder why she wants to do it.

Ah, dear friend, today there's a lot of reasons to kill oneself.

So, we're obliged to find accommodations for her anyway we can.

And you must take care of this. - Me?

What can I do? - She's not Roman, she came here to work.

So you bring her back to her town. You'll find some relative, friend..

Some idiot who'll take care of her! If not, leave her with the town police.

You're acting on behalf of order. - Yes, sir.

In the name of the law! - Yessir!

Hurry up, so you can be back tonight. - But Sir.. - Caccavallo..

You've asked for a promotion. - Yes, sir!

If you don't find a place for this girl, I won't sign your request.

Do whatever you want.

But if you come back with her, no more promotion!

Understand? And make sure that

she doesn't try to escape or kill herself under your custody,

I swear to God, I'll throw you out! Clear? - Yes, Sir!

Who do I give her to? I guess any old fool would do.

I have things to do. Beat it. - Yes, sir.

Look what one's gotta do!

Where are we going? - To Poggio Falcone, your town.

I don't want to go there! - Oh, no? Well, I'm bringing you.

Better to have died. - Better, yes. But not at the station.

Did I go there? It was you who brought me!

Can you tell me why you wanted to do it? - That's my business, why should you care?

Come on, get out! Move it!

Where are we going? - None of your business.

I've a family! A position! If I'm absent, I have to let them know.

I'm not trash like you! Wretch, keep moving!

Good day. - Good day, Ma'am.

Ah, Mr. Antonio! - What is it?

This is becoming a habit.

Ten days ago, my father-in-law's underwear went missing. - By Jove!

And this morning a pair of socks!

Not to complain, but it must be a thief. - Of course.

No doubt about it. - It must be a thief.

OK, Ma'am. Don't you worry. I'll take care of it. - OK, thanks.

Don't forget, don't forget! - Leave it to me!

Ah, Mrs. Agatha.. - Yeah?

Give me the features of the stolen goods.

A pair of gray socks with red stripes, brand new, bought this morning.

Grey with red stripes, bought this morning? - Yes.

I'm on it. - Thanks a lot. - You should skulk in the terrace to guard the laundry.

Right. Looks like I'll have to send some neighbor to jail!

Hi, Dad. - Hi.

You wait here.

Hi, Dad. How come you didn't come home last night?

Give me those socks of Mrs. Agatha's! - You come in and start!

Give me those socks! - What socks? - You know!

I should shoot you! I'll kill you! Give them here!

Don't you dare lay a finger on him! - Very nice!

Threats! Dad.. dad, don't obstruct the course of justice!

It wasn't him! - Oh, no? Then, what's that?

What's this stuff?

What is this? Bravo! Now we're perjurers.

Eh? I've a son who is a thief. Yes, Sir, a child thief!

He stole eggs from the hen on the sixth floor.

And grandpa gives false testimony!

Dad! Dad, in my position.. I wear a uniform!

Your position!

Then, buy some socks for your son! So he wouldn't have to steal!

Buy socks for my son? I bought him some when he was 7!

But, I'm 10 now! - Bad thief!

I'll kill you! Get out of here! Get out!

Shame on you! Shame on you!

They want to kill me in this house! Kill me! I can't take it anymore!

You, come here. Sit there and don't move! Eh?

Oh, I see! I see! You thought it was going to be easy, didn't you?

I'm not that stupid! Not at all.

I'm not eating home today. I'm on duty. - Oh, thank goodness!

Oh, God, there's a crack! Look at the mouth.

It's your fault! Yes, your fault!

I told you to keep it wet. You must sprinkle it every two hours!

This isn't marble, it's crumb!

Look at this, look at this: all the front profile, disappeared!

You know what you are, Dad? - Eh? - You know what you are? Reckless!

I have so much to do all day, and I should also look after that big head!

I already do the cleaning, the cooking, the shopping!

Really? That's unimportant stuff. All of secondary importance.

This is the bust of an important person.

Don't you understand that this means a promotion?

Should I say it in Japanese? - Not even a resemblance! - You, shut up!

He's right! - He is? What do you two know? Peasants!

It's rage that makes you talks so, envy!

You who look like an intelligent person, tell me..

Who is this, eh?

Dunno! - "Dunno"? Look closer, it's someone you know.

A very important person!

Mussolini? - How stupid! Mussolini!

The commissioner's portrait, right?

He has no nose. - What do you mean?

Well, with a few touches, it'll be perfect.

Look who I'm asking!

Who took the crumb I left here? - Not me.

Not you? The first chicken who sings is the one who laid the egg. It was you!

Is it possible that you should keep all the crumb for yourself?

I can't eat the crust, I don't have teeth!

And one of these days, I'll eat that whole head!- Oh, great!

We now know who ate the horse of Commander Diaz! Here it is.

Commander Diaz is off the horse. It was you. Confess!

I confess: I did it.

And as soon as you go, I'll eat that big head too!

Oh, yeah? As true as I'm in this uniform, I'll arrest you!

In the name of the law, I'll handcuff you, throw you in jail!

The Commissioner's head must not be touched! Got it?

Don't touch the head! Don't touch it!

And you, don't move!

Keep an eye on her! She's a suicidal maniac!

She's right!

Why do you want to kill yourself? - Because I'm miserable.

Big deal! What about me then? Yet I got to be 70 years old.

So? You're not a woman. - You're right about that.

What's your job? - I was a servant.

Why did you quit?

Where you gonna go now?

I'm being taken to my hometown, Poggio Falcone. - Good wine, there!

Go hang them.

Kid, what are you doing? Go study and leave it to me! Go.

No, no, not that!

Good, you can lend me a hand.

Here's today's sandwich. - Dad..

The button, you haven't sewn it yet.

I can't sew, my hands shake! - All the better.

This way, you'll stop smoking those "Tuscans".

What does that have to do with it? - It does! It does!

Every months, there are dozens and dozens of lire going up in smoke!

Ever since my poor Matilde died, there's been no peace in this house.

Am I to blame? I do what I can!

I'm old! Don't you understand that I'm old? - Yeah, I know, Dad.

But what can we do? We can't get a maid, she costs money.

And at my age, I can't remarry.

And you can't sew one button, right? - But that's women's work.

Ask her, who's hanging the laundry. Have her sew it.

Right! That's all I need!

Asking someone under watch to sew a button! A suicide maniac!

Dad, in my position.. I wear a uniform! Is there anything in your head? - Yeah..

Oh, God! Oh, by Jove!

She's flinging herself! Flinging!

Quietly..

Get away from there! Jerk! - Let go of me!

Who's putting... Go away! This thing on my head?

Don't you dare! Don't you dare, you filthy coward!

Silence! At your.. places! At your places!

You wanted to fool me, eh? Thinking of jumping out, eh?

It didn't even cross my mind! - Oh, yeah?

Why were you pushing then? - Dad, it was me! I thought she had to be thrown out.

Oh, yeah? Study and be quiet! Or I'll slap you silly!

I told you not to move from the chair. Why did you move? Oh yeah?

You sit there and don't move, or I'll chain you up!

And now, sew this button.

Dad, who was the Hero of the Two Worlds? - The Hero of the Two Worlds?

Who was the Hero of the Two Worlds..

The Hero of the Two Worlds.. What was his name again?

I have it on the tip of my tongue.

I know it but I won't tell you! I won't tell you! That'd be too easy.

"I have a cultured father, I'll get him to do my homework!" Nice stuff!

You have to do as I did! I did everything without anybody's help!

Got it? And today, with all due modesty, thanks to God, I have a position

despite having an ignorant father!

Respect your father in front of your child! You're shameless!

Oh, yeah? And you respect your son in front of your grandson. Understand?

Don't forget to keep the commissioner's head moist. Use the sprinkler.

And you, look me in the eye..

I forbid you to climb to the terrace, eh? Understand?

"A word is enough to the wise."

OK. Bye, Dad. - Bye, eh.. let's go.

One moment. - What? - They have good wine in Monte Falcone.

What? It's already gone? Already? It didn't even last a week!

Dad, is there anything in your head! I won't buy it.

In this house, money goes pouring out! Torrents! Oceans! Floods!

Come on.

And the pay "volatilizes". I'm fed up!

Hey, tell me.

To get to your town, do you turn right or left? - Left. - Left? Hmm..

Excuse me, to go to Monte Falcone, right or left?

To the right, keep going straight. - Thanks. - You're welcome.

Remember, that Officer Antonio Caccavallo can never be made a fool of!

Right or left, I'm not going to my town.

Oh, yeah? We'll see about that!

There's plenty of room.. - Yeah, like I'm going to pick up a spy!

You need a nose to recognize them.

Remember, Officer Antonio Caccavallo will always be Officer Antonio Caccavallo!

Hey, pretty brunette! - Hey, hey!

Sit down! Knock it off! Behave!

Or else I'll put the handcuffs on, got it? In the name of the Law!

Stop, I've dropped my comb! - Right! I know that old trick!

Oh, Lord, it did fall, won't you stop?

If it fell, it fell! Knock it off! Behave! Shut up!

Got it? That's an order! By Jove!

This is very serious, no joking matter! Where are we? - Miss! - Where are we?

Oh, thanks. It was very nice of you. - Please, it was nothing.

I don't know how to thank you. - Beat it! Hey, boy, beat it!

Shoo! Shoo! Let's go! Got it?

By Jove! Today I'll have to arrest everybody!

And don't be provoking. Stay where you are and don't provoke!

This is an honest jeep!

It was a keepsake. - A fine keepsake, Villa Borghese.. Bah!

Men of all colors, ages and nations.. Bah!

Throw it away! Throw it away!

It was a memory of my mother. - Some mother!

If it was up to me, I'd throw her in prison!

You can't, she's dead.

# The red flag, the red flag.

# Forward, people, comrades to arms.

# The red flag will triumph.

# The red flag will triumph..

They hog the road as if they owned it!

# The red flag will triumph. Long live socialism and freedom!

Freedom, freedom? Lean to the right! Lean to the right!

Risking to break both our necks. - I wish!

Let's see..

Damn it! Damn those jerks! I'll put them in their place!

You like to disturb traffic, eh?

Oh, excuse me, Reverend. Sorry. - Did we hit you hard, my son?

Heavens, just a tap! Please, it was just an accident.

I'm very sorry. - I'm the one who should be sorry.

Don't worry, please forgive me. I kiss your hands, Reverend.

# We worship God, the Virgin Mary, benignly listening..

What happened? - He hit his head against the bar.

I wish it had been us! - Shoo, shoo, what a jinx!

Let's see if we can..

I'm so hungry, I can't see. - We'll be there in an hour and you'll eat.

I've no one in that town. Neither friends, home or relatives!

You can't say you have no home.

Why not? - Why not? Don't you know that it's against the law?

With no home, you go to jail!

Don't you think I'd like to have a house, garden, husband and children?

Stop kidding!

How I would like to travel! - And aren't we traveling?

Let's go.

# Oh, white flowers, symbol of love. With you the glory of victory.

Here, help me eat.

Can I have a bite?

Now you want to take the bread from my mouth?

Don't you understand that this piece has got to last me until tonight?

Hey, stop, I feel like throwing up!

Hold on, we're almost there.

No, stop, I'm feeling sick! Stop, please! - Don't make a mess in the car!

Outside! Outside!

Young lady, well? - Nothing's coming up.

You'll have to force it, purge yourself. - Purge what?

In two days, I've only had coffee. - Fine, vomit up coffee. What can you do?

Now that we've stopped, I don't feel sick. - What do you want to do?

Let's stay here. - Yeah, stay here!

Now, to the right or to the left? - Left.

The left? - Yes. - Then we'll go right.

Remember: Officer Antonio Caccavallo can never be hoodwinked!

This one again? Where do they come from? Nein, nein, nein!

Hey, where did you take me? - Me? You're the smart one.

Listen, dear, look out your side.

Can I? Huh?

Go on.

I really can?

Sure, sure...

What now?

Go on.

Oh, God! Oh, God! We're suspended between life and death!

Better to die than to go back.

So it's OK to kill me! So it's OK to kill me!

I'm a father, I have a position! - Then let me go! - Be still!

Delinquent! Killer! Stop, you'll kill us both! - I wish!

Are you crazy? Stop!

You wish? I'll kill you myself with a knock on the head!

I'll kill you myself!

Then let me leave. - You want to ruin me?

Stay still, I'll let you! I'll let you go! I'll let you, stay still!

I'll let you go, just stay still.

Oh, my God! My God, what a Sunday I'm spending with this nut!

My Jesus! Holy Virgin! Help me. Somebody get us out of here.

Thank you! Thank you! Do not move!

# Forward, people, comrades to arms. - See, see.

# The red flag will triumph.

Help!

Help! Hey, comrades!

Come on, guys, a rope.

Easy, easy, we're hanging by a thread!

Don't worry, Sergeant, we'll just be a jiff.

Thanks, we're in your hands! Look what hands you put me in!

Everybody ready? - We're ready here.

See what a work, Sarge? You can get down now.

Thanks, but are we sure? - You can rest easy now.

Careful not to make it shake. Don't run! Come here! Come here!

You told me that I'd be free. - Come here!

Don't be insubordinate. No kidding! Let's go. Let's go!

You, do me a favor. Make sure this girl doesn't escape, OK? - Yes, Sergeant.

Easy! Easy!

Let me go.

A fine communist you are! Can't you see I'm poor like you?

Want some candy? - I can't be bought.

Sergeant, you're out of time! - A little patience. Come on!

Tell me, what did you do?

I hit a boss.

Bravo! You hit a boss? Escape! Go!

Long live freedom! Down with bosses forever!

Where's the girl? - She fled, fled, fled!

What "fled, fled, fled"? I'll throw you in jail!

Help me to find the girl. - Sergeant, we have a party.

Yeah? You can party while that poor girl goes and kills herself?

Who? - The girl who was with me!

One, two, three: Look in the meadows. You by the hill.

You stay by the truck.

You get in the car. We'll take to the road. - Yes, sir.

At your service.. Damn it! Is the way clear?

END OF PART ONE

PART TWO

Miss! - Stop!

So it's you who's stealing my tools!

Stop!

Stop!

Stop!

Stop! You can't escape!

Well? Are you sick? - I can't stand anymore.

I haven't eaten in 3 days.

Sergeant, this one is hungry. Her stomach is empty.

Her head is empty! Her head is empty! Up! Up!

Sergeant, there's a tavern. Let her eat something or she'll fall down. - Alright.

Take it. Alright, let's go. Come. - Don't worry, go.

Let's go.

Come here!

Hey, unhandcuff me.

I won't do it again. I promise.

I swear. Take them off. Don't make me look bad in front of these people.

Thank you.

May I, Miss? - What "May I"? Please! Let's go.

That's all we needed!

Host!

I'll give you a feast like you never had in your life!

Some wine? - A bottle of water and two glasses.

Let's look at the cold cuts. Salami Milanese: 180, prosciutto: 220!

Ham: 190, pork: 110. - Very fresh, just sliced this morning.

I don't like pork. - Fifty grams of pork, and water!

Gee, that's a lot! - Yeah!

You're used to those who splurge millions for you!

I'm used to eating the bosses' leftovers, actually.

Respect your boss and he'll treat you well.

Come on!

Yeah, you think it'd be easy, eh?

Fill up!

Remember to buy wine for your father.

Did you hear me? Hey! - Shh! Don't distract me.

Now I have it between my fingers. - What?

The commissioner's nose.

Where did you learn to sculpt? - In the old days. Prison.

You were in prison? - Yes, but don't make a mistake. In prison, I was a guard.

And in my free time, I'd go to Professor Ciccariello's cell.

The famous sculptor Ciccariello! You've never heard of him?

He was my teacher! A great sculptor!

A poet of the crumb! He was the only one who could mold it.

You know what Ciccariello said? The crumb in his hands became music!

What a man! So sensitive! So kind! What a heart! What an artist!

Why was he in prison? - He stabbed his mother.

Twenty-seven stab wounds, all mortal!

He was a moody man! Full of ingenuity! They don't make them like that anymore.

Excuse me, are you going to eat the crumb? - Yes! - Never mind.

Get off of me, I'll kill him!

What's going on?

Yes!

What have I done, Sergeant? - Silence! Stay here!

Everybody freeze in the name of the law! Freeze!

Silence!

Enough! - Right on time! Repeat what you said!

Yeah, yeah. I'm a humble Venetian farmer.

I was in the Great War, alright? Check my papers, look..

I'm not checking a thing! Just the facts!

Well.. I'm a humble Venetian.. - You already said that. - OK.

I earn what I earn and don't complain.. - Yes, Sir..

I respect the law, hats off..

But I say, I too have the right to ask for pork!

Just cut fresh this morning! - What fresh? My cat is dead!

I'll kill you!

Silence, nobody move! Silence or I'll throw you all in jail!

I'll lock you up on a new charge! You'll never get out!

Someone died, got it?

No joking with the dead!

Who died? - The cat.

What's the cat got to do with it?

The cat ate the pork and the pork roasted the cat.

I don't understand. The cat ate the fork and the fo..fo..fo..

Speak Italian, be clear!

In short, I humbly.. - The cat ate the pork?

That I humbly had left on my plate.

And when I came home, the cat was dead.

By Jove! The cat ate the pork, the pork is poisoned!

Oh, God! Oh, God! Carolina! Carolina!

Excuse me. Where is she? Where? Come here. Come. How are you feeling?

Fine, why? - Fine? Don't you know you've eaten poisoned pork?

Ah, poisoned pork!

Sergeant, I cut it fresh this morning! - Criminal! Assassin!

Get away from me! I'll throw you in jail!

Thoughtless, put down that candy. You have one foot in the grave!

What shall I do? Tell me! - I'll take you to the hospital on my Vespa.

And if she dies on the road? - A doctor!A doctor!

The doctor went hunting. - And the pharmacist?

He went hunting with the doctor. - Make her drink soap water, no?

Make way, make way, here's the midwife! - Make way, make way!

Did it smell bad? - Don't know, it seemed fresh.

I cut it this morning, Sergeant! - Go away, murderer! Go away!

She needs milk. - Milk! - You're right!

You're right! She needs.. she needs.. mi.. mil.. excuse me.

Sarge, I have wine, but where can I get milk? - Go away, I'll put you in jail!

Milk, but it must be raw. And two or three liters.

Two or three liters! Cow milk! Sheep! Goat! - Hey, Sergeant! - What?

Near here, there's a farm with two cows. Tell them that I sent you: Tony Capron.

Tony Capron, yes. Let's go! - We're friends, like brothers..

This had to happen to me!

Daddy, Daddy!

Here it is.

Is it boiled? - Boiled? Didn't you hear the midwife?

It must be raw. - I don't like that. I want it boiled with a drop of coffee.

Coffee? You crazy? Coffee is poison!

Come on, baby. Do you really want to die?

I don't care if I die.

Just look at this: It's magnificent, pure milk.

This is first rate stuff! Look, I'll drink some first. See?

Is it good? - First rate!

Then you drink it. - I'll pour it on your head, I swear!

You just want to die to get me in trouble!

Not true, I'm not doing it to spite you.

But, really, what am I in this world for? - What do you mean?

And being alive is nothing?

Excuse me, but do the trees ask why they're in the world? - No.

And yet, they're here: pretty, leafy.. Look how leafy they are.

Do the daisies ask why they're in this world? No!

The animals: chickens, hens, goats, cows, horses!

And the mosquitoes! They spread malaria. Do they ask why they're here?

Who knows? - "Who knows"?

Look at me. Do you think I ask why I'm in this world?

Well, you should.

Nobody asks that!

Nor does the commissioner. So why should you?

Damn it!

At least when you're dead, you won't suffer anymore. - C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!

My child, look around you. Look how beautiful nature is.

Of course: the air, sun, flowers, water.. Yes, yes!

Look, sweetie, see those birds above with their wings, flying, chirping..

They don't have it easy.

They must feed on bugs and worms. And if they don't catch them, they're unhappy.

But when they do, life is beautiful and they want to live forever..

Poor little creature!

Jerk! What have you done? - What do you mean?

To run around the countryside killing defenseless animals!

Excuse me, but what do you want from me? - What do you mean, can't you see? Police!

Police? Fine, here's my permit. - What do I care about a permit!

Give it here. - It's in regulations!

Damn it!

Drink! Drink or I'll shoot! - Shoot.

Oh, yeah? You'd like that, eh? - Can you tell me what's going on?

The young lady is poisoned and won't drink her milk!

Milk! The girl must vomit and right away!

He's right, that's true! Come with me, eh! Come with me, eh!

Get in!

Come on, hurry!

Throw away that animal! - Why? - Just because!

Hold on and close your eyes. - Where are we going? - I know where.

Stop! - Stop, Sergeant!

Let it out, Sergeant. Soon you'll feel better, right?

Stop a sec, Sergeant!

The pork wasn't bad! It was very fresh!

The cat died because it swallowed a bumblebee!

Thank the Lord!

I've got something here!

I'm sorry, Sergeant, to get you involved in this mess.

Why don't you let me leave?

I can't.. I must deliver you.. - To whom?

How do I know? Someone we'll find in your town.

Who would ever care about me?

Don't worry, we'll find some fool.

Why do you act so? Why do you give me such headaches?

I'm really going to all this trouble for your future, aren't I?

You're right, Sergeant. I promise that I'll be good.

You promise? - Yes, I swear.

You sure? - Yes. But you'll see that no one wants me.

Forget it, don't worry. Let me take care of it.

You'll see. Let's go now.

So this is your town.

We've finally arrived.

I'm thrilled.

And you, aren't you? Come!

Be thrilled too, now that we're here.

Come, get down. - Where are we going?

To see the monsignor, the priest or whatever he's called here.

Let's see what he says.

The ecclesiastical, pontifical, parochial authority knows everything.

Then we'll see. Let's go.

Oh, heaven!

Here..

Reverend!

Oh, look who's here!

Ah, Carolina, Carolina, you've given me so much trouble!

With your permission, Father. - Please, stand up. Dear child..

My dears.. are you already married or is that why you came?

Monsignor, allow me to clear up a mistake.

I am Officer Antonio Caccavallo from the city.

I'm here to escort the person present.

But what has she done now?

Streetwalking with aggravated suicide.

No! - Yes.

Allow me to be shocked. - Permission granted.

How is it possible, my dear? Why?

What pushed you to this madness?

We've tried to understand it, but it was impossible.

The girl..

is pertinacious!

No, no. It's not possible, dear.

Look at me, Carolina, look at me.

What happened? Tell me, what happened?

Are you expecting a baby?

Bravo, Bishop! You guessed it first!

The commissioner was unable to get one word out of her mouth.

And you hussy, how dare you discuss naughty things

with a prince of the ecclesiastical court? Excuse me, Your Eminence.

Carolina! Oh, Carolina!

Just think, I've known her since she was this high. - Really? - Yes.

That makes things easy then.

Do you have a pen, pencil or stylus?

It is done. - What is that? - A receipt.

I hand the girl over to you, you sign and I go.

But look.. that's not possible. - How come?

It's a very serious thing. Of high responsibility. - I know.

We need to talk this over.. - All right, let's talk.

But what's to talk about, monsignor?

What a nice day! The grapes are fine! The flood!

But what counts is the signature. One minute.

No, you see I'm not authorized. I can't.

I authorize you. I'm an officer and in the name of law, you may sign. Got it?

Well, to be honest..

I must confess that young man.. - Ah, first things first.

You go confess that young man and I'll wait for you.

Good, dear, wait here. - I await your return.

Yes. And later we'll talk this over more calmly. - Yes, Sir.

With great calm. - Yes, Sir. - And you'll see, we'll work it all out.

Wait, my dear. - At your orders.

Come, let's go.

No!

Go, go.

Shall I arrest him? - What do you mean? Let's go to the sacristy.

Mr..? - Antonio Caccavallo, city officer.

What times! What times! I'm shocked, deeply shocked.

I would've arrested him.

Come, dear. You have to tell me everything.

Come, but sit down in your state.

Tell me, who was it? Who's the father?

We'll find him. - I don't wanna see him! - Go on!

Respond to his Eminence. Who was it?

No matter, my dear, no matter. You'll see, we'll find him

and in the end everything will work out.

Sure, everything'll be OK. This, for example.

You give me a little signature, I leave the girl and go. All fixed!

No, my son, I told you that in my position, I couldn't.

But I have an idea and you'll see that it's right.

Matteo, come here! Listen well to what I'm going to say. You know the Barozzoli?

Broccoli? - The Barozzoli!

I don't want to see them. - Is there anyone you want to see? Heh?

Excuse me. - Easy, dear, easy. Let me do this.

Don't you know the Barozzoli? - The Barozzoli..

Barozzoli! Oh, sweet Jesus!

Come here, come here with me. Let's see where they are.

Today is the game and they don't go to that.

There they are in the fourth row.

In the row, yes. - Row? - Yes, the row.

The fourth row, wait, next to the altar of St Anna.. - Row? - Understand?

Go call them. Go. - Row..

Monsignor, that kid move likes lightning, eh?

Tell me, tell me, excuse me.. these Broccoli.. - No, Barozzoli.

These Barozzoli are the girl's relatives? - Not exactly.

I won't see them! - Ah, hah! Oh yes, we will! We will!

They're not really relatives. Sort of distant relatives. - Of course.

They took her in for many years after she became orphaned.

I sent her to them. Then she went crazy and ran away.

Let me go! - Don't be a nut! Don't be a nut!

The Fartarozzis are good people!

Behave. Leave it to me.

You'll see how the Barozzoli, as good Christians, will welcome you back again.

Barozzoli!

Good day, Father. - Salutations.

My good dears, I've prepared for you a nice surprise!

Thank you, Father!

A surprise that will fill your hearts with joy.

Here she is.

Some nice surprise! There's nothing to say.

I'm surprised, Father, you let her in a holy place!

We've been too good. But that slut deserves neither pity nor mercy!

Right! - Oh, yeah? - No!

I'm the slut because I ran away with a boy!

Some tramp!

Yes, because her husband wanted to get in my room at night!

The insolence! - It's unheard of!

He's the dirty one, not me! That's why I ran away with the driver!

One night, he wanted to come into my room in his underwear.

How absurd!

Allow me to express my dismay.. - You may.

Just a moment! What is this story of the underwear? Eh?

She's a viper! She wants to besmirch my husband!

Goffredo, tell them! - Defamation! Defamation, pure and simple!

Mr.. - How dare you? - Mr. Goffredo!

Sir! First you compromise yourself and then protest!

My children.. - CHILDREN!

What "children"? We took in that wretch! - Treated her like one of us!

We even gave her a meal on Sundays, understand?

Enough! Enough!

We're in a sacristy. Shame on you!

May I be shocked?

Father! You get shocked every 5 minutes!

Stop being shocked and impose your ecclesiastical authority on these people!

And make them do their duty and bring the girl home! - Yes, you're right.

Regarding Carolina's accusations, we'll settle accounts in confession.

But now Christian charity requires that you bring this poor girl home.

Especially now that she's pregnant. - How shameful!

Everybody, halt!

Police! Article 212 requires you to take the girl home.

That article doesn't exist! I'm a lawyer. - Oh, yeah? Then it's article 213!

Neither does that one! - Never mind. - Let's go!

Lawyer! - What? - What about 217?

Go to hell! - Drop dead! Oh, sorry, Father.

The alms.. - So annoying! Get it away!

Apologies, Monsignor.

How shameful, how shameful! Before a foreigner!

Who knows what he'll think of us! - He only thinks of drinking and eating.

No, dear, we have nothing. We don't even have Christian charity. Go on.

What now? - Now we look for the driver.

The driver you escaped with, it was him, wasn't it?

Yeah, but forget it, it's no use.

No use? Let me talk to him, we'll see then if it's any use.

You were a minor when you left.

I didn't know he was a liar. - What do you mean, my child?

I thought he was good but he's married and has 3 kids. - Oh, Jesus, Jesus!

Monsignor, what are we gonna do?

You know what I say? - Let me say it: You're shocked. - No.- I would've bet on it.

Maybe it's better this way. The Lord has decided otherwise.

Ah, yes? And, exceptionally, couldn't we know what the Lord decided?

Uncle Francesco! - Uncle Francesco? You said she had no relatives..

He's not really a relative, distantly related. - Fine, a relative is a relative.

He doesn't want me either. - Don't talk so.

It's been a while since you've seen him. To Uncle Francesco! - To Uncle Francesco!

Let's go. - Let's go. Come.

Just as well.

Carolina needs a place to stay. You know what I say?

No, what do you say? - I'm shocked, Mr. Antonio.

Uncle Francesco had adopted Robertino, the son of his dead brother in Australia.

You've been disappointed, eh?

What is it? - New sins. -Tomorrow, tomorrow. I've got work to do.

You'll see with your own eyes, the great love that uncle has for the poor orphan.

# Back and forth, back and forth, that's all there is in life.

# Back and forth, back and forth, what great fun it is!

# Back and forth, back and forth, that's all there is in life.

Will you shut up? - Don't you like it, Sergeant?

It's an old song, called "Back and forth". - Don't be a smartass.

Don't be angry, Sergeant. You can't go against fate, I say.

If you had arrived at Villa Borghese ten minutes later, we'd both be all set.

I wish!

You shouldn't say that, Sergeant. - You're right.

But I've had such bad luck.

I had to stumble on just you, not a thief.

Did I say thief?

In a 15 year career, I haven't seen any. Never. At the movies, I see many.

But a real thief, a criminal, an atomic spy.. nothing!

And now you come and goodbye promotion.

Do you know, girl, how much you cost me? 9,000 lire a month!

Over a 100,000 lire per year! - Is that my fault?

It's Fate that causes encounters. - A fine encounter!

A stinker!

I'm amazed at you, Sarge!

Me? There's a jerk in the back who signaled! - Who's in the back?

Let's go get him, he must be a thief. - Sergeant!

Damn you! Don't move..

Everybody freeze! Hands up! Hold it!

What did you steal? Eh? - I'm not the thief, I'm the owner!

Boys, don't play around. Who's the thief? - He is!

No, Sergeant. The box was falling down and I was picking it up. - Come with me!

You're making a blunder, Sergeant. - At last a thief! Come with me!

I never make blunders.

Why did he arrest you? - Because I wanted to kill myself.

What? One can't even kill oneself! - They say it's illegal.

Some republic! Very nice!

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Mario Tanzi, but call me Marietto Cellar.

Nice to meet you. Carolina De Vico.

Why "Cellar"? - Because for a month, I've been hiding in a basement.

Does he have a gun? - Yes, but he's very nice, poor thing.

I feel bad because they might fire him.

Is that true, Sergeant? - Shut up!

If he can't leave me with anyone they might fire him.

Oh yeah? He hasn't found anyone? - No one wants me.

Sarge! I'll take her if you let me go.

To my house, there's Mom. It's an honest family.

You'd really take me with you?

Look at my face. Marietto Cellar is a man of his word.

But I already made a mistake once.

Would you also take a baby?

Ah, I made a ton of mistakes. We got to look past that or we're cooked.

Sergeant, let her go and you'll save your job.

Sergeant! If you let me go I promise not to kill myself anymore.

We'll rebuild our lives together.

I'll support him, he'll support me, we'll support each other...

And I'm the one who'll fall!

How can you trust such a scoundrel? I don't get it.

Sergeant..

I can't afford to be so picky, right?

Besides, I think he's a good guy.

Don't you think it's a sign from Fate?

Damn it. Why does everything happen to me?

Everything!

Check this out: the tire blew!

Damn it all to hell!

What are you looking at?

You're letting me go? - Quiet! Get out and change the tire.

Why? It's not my car. - Young man, don't you want to chip in?

That's why I'm a thief. - Bad! Obey! Do as I say. It's in your best interest.

The Sergeant is right, eh? Change the tire. Hurry up.

Quick! - Quick? I'm very weak.

Then you'll let me go? - Let you go? Let you go?

Don't you know policemen can't allow a thief to escape?

If he's smart, he'll manage. Move it, get the tools.

Yeah, and be shot in the back! - Nonsense!

Uh, kids, I'm going.. you give him a hand.

I'll be on that low wall. I'm going to clean my gun.

I'll unload it for cleaning.

Now, I take out the magazine.

Hey. Hey! Hey!

Come on, let's run. - Are you crazy? He'll shoot us.

Shoot? Didn't you hear he's taking out the bullets? - I don't trust him.

The gun is unloaded..

Hey, look. He has no more bullets. - He's just teasing us.

We try to run and get a year more. I'm not an idiot.

Well? What are you doing? - Cranking the car up.

Will you be long? - 10 or 15 minutes, Sergeant.

Hurry up, OK? What are you waiting for?

Be fast.

Meanwhile, I'll take off my shoes. Because my feet hurt, and I can't run!

What are we waiting for? The gun is empty, his feet hurt and the car can't move.

I know policemen, they're jerks! Assholes! They want to get you!

Help! - Are you crazy? What have you done, wretch?

I'm sorry, Sergeant, it was all her fault!

Aren't we going to your home? - My home? You crazy?

But you promised me, that's why I did it! - I promised you nothing!

Wait for me! - Police! Arrest them!

Stop! Wait! - My cranium!

Ai, yi, my noggin! Ooh, my noggin! Ai, yi!

Oh, God, what a blow! I need a wet compress!

A wet compress for my head!

What..? What are you doing? Come here, no flinging!

Stop!

Stop! Wretch!

Watch out for the water! The water!

Oh, my God! - Help! Help! - Sergeant, give me your hand.

I'm drowning with a headache! Help! - No, Sergeant, here! - Help!

Grab this, Sarge!

Pull.. pull it! - Don't worry! - Pull harder!

Come on! - A lifesaver would be best.

We're sinking! Help!

What's the matter with you?

You've been crying for an hour.

I'm crying because I'm miserable. Very miserable.

Not even a thief wants me. Not even him.

Yeah.. you're a wretch, you.

Not me, on the other hand, I'm so lucky!

The vehicle broke down, a new uniform thrown away,

in poor health, perhaps with pulmonary bronchitis suspecting the worst,

a broken head...

Ah, how happy I am! How I rejoice!

What joy!

I swear, Sergeant.. I meant no harm.

When I wanted to hold back, my hand slipped!

I'm obviously a criminal, you were right.

Well, well.. let's not exaggerate.

Eh.. one blow more, one blow less.

But it was a hard one. Did you see?

No, I didn't see it..

But I felt it.

And you've been so nice..

Nice! Gimme a break!

I'm bad! Wicked!

I'm a plague!

But you tried to save me risking your own life. Like a father.

Oh, yeah? And why do you think I did it?

Because you felt sorry for me.

For you? Sorry?

In my state... eh? The only one I feel sorry for is me!

For me! Because if you kill yourself, I'll be fired.

And I'll be out of work. That's right, unemployed.

I'll be one of those going down the street with a sign that says: "Bread and Work".

And they'll whack me on the head.

That is what I'll become: from one who gives whacks to one who gets whacks.

I was hoping you had a little compassion for me.

You know what career I'd had if I were sorry for every criminal I met?

So if the world is as ugly as you say.. I was right to want to leave it.

Oh, God.. maybe.. you're right.

But in this situation, you can't.

You would get me in trouble..

Not counting.. the baby you're carrying.

So? - So, you can't. It's prohibited.

You can't kill yourself. Even I thought about it myself.

But you can't. Because we're never alone in life. There's always someone else.

Always some "appendixes".

I, for example, have a father and son to take care of.

By the way, don't forget to buy your father's wine.

See? See?

If I kill myself, how can my father drink wine, eh?

Suicide isn't for us. We're poor people.

Suicide is a rich man's game. It's a luxury.

And those luxuries, we can't afford.

Do you understand? We are poor.

I understand, Sergeant.

From now on, you won't have to worry about me.

Goodbye. - What are you doing?

You've been good enough to me.

Don't trouble yourself anymore, Sarge.

I don't want to cause you harm again.

Tell the commissioner that you left me in my town.

And I promise not to kill myself.

How will you survive?

Don't animals survive? I will too.

Oh, no! You won't fool me with your promises!

I'm telling the truth this time, Sergeant. - I know what I'm doing, got it?

Now, I know what to do with you. Let's go.

Let's go! Move it.

Know that Officer Antonio Caccavallo feels pity for no one! Let's go.

Come in.

Ah, it's you? How did it go?

Sir, everything in order. - Thank goodness. You took a load off me.

Who did you give her to? - Some guy..

A serious person? A good person? - Too much so.

What? - A widower.

That's really good. Why did he do it? - He doesn't even know himself.

Maybe out of compassion.. and maybe his home needed a woman.

Well, anyway, we made it! - Actually, Sir, I haven't made it yet...

Eh, don't look like that. This time you did a good job.

As to the promotion, don't worry.

Really? I can consider myself.. eh? - Certainly.

Thank you, Sir. The Caccavallos really needed that.

9000 lire more a month doesn't hurt anybody, eh?

You deserve it. Didn't I say we'd find a fool?

You were so right! That fool was found.

At your service, Sir. - Go on.

Did you buy everything? - Yes. - The socks? The notebook? - Yes, all.

Well, let's go. - Where are we going? - To a fool's house.