Original subtitles

Wow, yes, that is exactly how you say, oh, who am I kidding, pass the chicken

gravy in Spanish.

Another point for Skips.

Eh, once you learn a little Latin, all the other romance languages tend to fall

into place.

Dude, this game of hard question, soft question is so specific.

Yeah, who's next?

Because I don't want to get another, how many hairs are there per square inch on

the average dog?

12,000. Well, yeah, I know now.

Thomas is next. Last card, and it's a soft question.

What film featured an old man and his young friend who used a time machine to

go back to the future?

Um... Picnic Near the Daroga, directed by Andrej Tarkovi?

No maggots on the steps of Odessa by Sergei Isenov. No, I found my dead wife

on a space station also directed by Andrei Tarkovych I Know this is a

little rude to say because it's our first time hanging out But you have

single-handedly ruined this game minus four points for Thomas Well, Thomas

loses clearly.

So Thomas has to clean the living room tonight

Oh, great.

Jobs like that are why I love this internship so much.

I don't appreciate the sarcasm, Thomas.

No, no, I really do love it. Oh, no, I guess we'll have to give him more

cleaning jobs. He likes to clean. Oh, no.

Maybe we should just keep letting him do it, though.

Private caller.

Excuse me a sec.

Uh, hello?

Nikolai, new mission. We must track down scary bioweapon dealers in Paris.

Oh, yeah, that sounds pretty important.

Oh, private caller.

Oh, you got a girlfriend?

Who is all the voices speaking at you?

Uh, sorry, can't hear you right now. I'll have to call you back. Hey,

careful. I had to write our address on all those cards in case we lose one.

Hey, Benson, it turns out that was my girlfriend. And I'm late to dinner.

I've been... Have you?

Skips. Would you mind it if I cleaned up the living room tomorrow?

We have a park manager's meeting here at 7, so as long as it's done before then,

you can go.

1,900 hours.

Got it. Thanks, Benson.

No problem.

Stay radical.

Did you just try to be cool in front of the intern?

Yes.

Nikolai, where have you been?

My darling Svetlana.

You know I cannot tell you, for it would reveal my secret identity.

Oh, Nikolai.

That's the sort of loyalty that makes it hard to stay mad at you.

Here, let me show you our new cool stuff.

Look at me. I am so American.

X-ray goggle.

Grapple hook.

And gadget I'm most excited about using?

Invisible box.

Yes, right. Gadgets and stuff.

Who's our target?

Oh, you want to rush it along?

Normally not what I mean to, but... Target one, a dealer named Goldfang.

Whereabouts unknown.

Target two, however, whereabouts very known.

That is Red Swan.

If we wait a little while longer, Red Swan will lead us directly to Gold Fang

and we can... There's no time for waiting! Let's just get her now! No!

Wait!

Red Swan, give us the bioweapon!

Street safe snow helmet on!

She's getting away!

Oh, you got me.

I was also a spy.

Cool helmet, Ted.

Now give us the bioweapon. Oh, right away.

Just cheese and pastries with no fruit jam or any information on how to find

Goldfang and the bioweapon.

Unlike this piece of paper right here.

Wait,

this isn't my parachute overcoat.

The catacombs. I have hunched bioweapon not in catacombs. Better we split up to

cover more ground.

As long as we can do it in less than five hours, we'll be fine. What happens

in five hours?

Uh, that is just the maximum amount of time a mission can take.

Ah, they did say that in spy school.

Hmm.

That's... Seven chips!

Dude, you could totally do, like, five more. Thomas!

Where's Thomas?

If he's not here, you guys are gonna have to clean all this up.

Uh... Bathroom. Definitely bathroom.

He ate up bad, uh... He ate trash.

Trash? Straight from the can. You know interns.

Wow, that's really gross.

Tell him he better get this cleaned up soon. Don't want all those other park

managers to start calling me Benson Dungrody again.

Hello. Oh, sorry.

We were trying to reach this guy, Thomas.

Oh, right. Right, right. No, this is Thomas.

I was just messing with you guys.

This is no time for jokes.

Where are you, man?

We covered for you, but Benson is flipping out because you haven't cleaned

yet. Oh, man. I'm sorry, guys. I'll be back soon. I swear.

Those guys are hilarious.

Wait, what was I supposed to be doing again?

Oh, right.

Saving the world from a deadly bioweapon.

Why did we have to meet in the catacombs? It's very unsettling, no?

Did you bring the bioweapon?

Could.

Why you throw a bioweapon? It could explode.

Bioweapon will not explode without activator.

Clever. It's that kind of cleverness that I like about you.

What was that?

Really? You are afraid of one skull?

We are in room full of skulls.

No luck for me. I could not find Goldfang anywhere.

How unfortunate.

Me neither.

Yes.

Kiss me.

Sure.

What's this?

It's not what you think, Nikolai. I saw you with Goldfang.

Why hide it from me? I'm doing my job. It's you who's always wanting to be

somewhere else.

Maybe that's true. I'm taking bioweapon with me so no one can detonate it. Where

are you going?

I'm sorry, Svetlana.

It's a secret.

You are not the only one who can pick pockets.

Where is he?

You two, clean up this mess.

Aw, what? But you told Thomas to do it. Thomas?

Who's Thomas? As far as I'm concerned, Thomas is fired.

Unless he can somehow magically appear in the next two seconds.

Hey, guys. Thomas!

Sorry, I'm late. I'll start cleaning right away. Oh, hey, you brought a snow

globe. That could be great. The park managers will love that.

Uh, maybe you guys should come back later. After I'm done, I have this

really weird thing where I don't like being watched while I clean. TMI, dude.

Five minutes!

Yeah, you got it.

So, this is your big secret, huh? Old chips and beige wallpaper?

You wouldn't understand.

I cannot talk now. I must clean room.

The room will be hard to clean once it's blown to smithereens.

I followed you because I thought you liked me.

Then they kissed.

You were just trying to get the activator.

Yes, I was.

If you wanted it, you should have just asked.

Time to say goodbye to your precious power!

What are you doing?

Both my jobs!

Why do you... care about stupid living room.

I am intern here, and I love it.

So much less drama than secret agent life. Being intern is more important to

you than doing mission together?

It is over, comrade.

But we're all going to die. Oh, I didn't think about that part.

Not all of us!

Oh, yeah!

Svetlana, I am sorry I walked out on you. I am glad you did.

The Nikolai I loved was secret agent.

The man in front of me now is an intern.

Goodbye, Thomas.

And wait till you see this snow globe.

We're entering the house right this way.

Hey, everybody.

What the heck is that?

That is the most amazing snow globe I've ever seen.

Oh yeah.