Original subtitles

♪ "Deck The Halls" playing ♪

Hurry up, Hank.

The kids will be here any second.

I will be? Cool!

Guys! Remember what we rehearsed!

[zaps]

[all] Merry Christmas!

[Hank laughs]

My babies!

Aw, I just wish Nora could have come home for Christmas.

I like the way she lasers Billy

when he takes too long to open his gifts.

Every year at this time, my arm still burns. [chuckles]

Nora's super semester abroad class

got assigned a special assignment

guarding a certain jolly old fellow up north.

You mean Santa Claus?

I can't tell you

but it's for a good "Claus."

Well, these presents look amazing!

[Dr. Colosso] You forgot one!

Merry Christmas, Barbara!

Still slumming with Hank, I see.

I will throw you to the North Pole.

I'll meet you under the mistletoe, Barb!

Hi. If Colosso can't ruin this perfect family moment,

nothing can.

Guys, what's this?

-Put that away! -[yelps]

Sorry, I thought I destroyed all those stories.

What stories?

Chloe, um...

before you were born,

we had a little Thunderman family Christmas tradition.

We would go door-to-door asking people for candy.

That's Halloween, Billy.

What your father's talking about was... [sighs]

...the Thundermans Christmas Story Slam.

Whoever told the story with the most holiday cheer

got the honor of putting the star

on top of the Christmas tree.

And it was typically me.

[scoffs] Uh, pretty sure it was me.

That sounds fun. Why did we stop doing it?

-It was me! -It was me!

-It was me! -It was me!

[grunting, indistinct bickering]

Oh. I see why.

Things were thrown.

Large things.

Pointy things.

Every holiday I hear about something Max and Phoebe ruined.

I wanna bring back the Story Slam.

Chloe, did you not hear what I said about pointy things?

I'm not missing out

on another Thunderman family tradition.

Max and Phoebe will behave. Right?

-I will if he will. -Yeah, whatever.

-Right? -[both] Yes, ma'am.

Well, that settles it!

We're having a Thundermans Christmas Story Slam!

Yes!

We are gonna get

so much candy! [chuckles]

[whispers] You're going down.

Oh, no. I am going up.

To the top of that tree.

What you guys whispering about?

Uh, nothing. Good luck, sis.

-[chuckling] -Good luck, bro.

[Chloe] I come from a family of superheroes.

But now my brother and sister and I

are heading to a brand new town.

[Phoebe] We're going undercover.

[Max] To try and solve our most important mission yet.

♪ A picture-perfect family is what we try to be ♪

♪ Look closer, you might see the crazy things we do ♪

♪ This isn't make-believe It's our reality ♪

♪ Just your average family ♪

♪ Trying to be normal ♪

♪ And stay out of trouble ♪

♪ Living a double life ♪

♪ holiday themed musical transition ♪

[chuckling] That's so good, Chloe.

Even I didn't see that coming.

[groans]

I don't think I like fruitcake.

Just stop eating it.

Then it wins, Barb!

[timer dings]

Oh! Pencils down!

Uh, Phoebe's still writing!

So is Max!

Wait, did you say pencils down?

I used a pen.

Christmas is ruined!

It-it's okay, Billy. Why don't you start?

[clears throat]

This is a heartwarming tale

of a boy forced to battle burglars

after his family forgets to take him

on their Christmas trip.

I call it: Home By Myself.

Billy, that movie's called Home Alone.

Someone stole my story?

Christmas is ruined again!

[screams]

I volunteer to go with my story:

Candy Canes by the Sea: A Christmas Musical Tale.

Oooh! Songs!

More like yawns!

[chuckles] Up top.

-No. -Okay.

It's the 1940s.

Why would we wanna hear a story from when Mom and Dad were born?

How old do you think we are?

It was old-timey times!

We open on Candy Canes by the Sea,

a quaint and charming restaurant

run by a quaint and charming waitress.

♪ holiday themed musical transition ♪

♪ It's not your typical venue ♪

♪ There's only one thing on the menu ♪

♪ But the people keep coming ♪

♪ Delightful lively folks who keep ♪

♪ My restaurant humming ♪

Hey, you two! How was the dentist?

Ten more candy cane-related cavities.

Worth it!

♪ The people seem to enjoy me ♪

♪ And no swooshy-haired brother's ♪

♪ Coming here to annoy me ♪

♪ There's not a happier story ♪

-♪ I always... -Ow!

Another tooth?

-Yep. -Oof. Sorry.

♪ My recipe's sugar and corn syrup ♪

♪ Red 40 dye ♪

-And glucose? -♪ A schmear ♪

-Order up! -♪ Have a sprinkle ♪

♪ Of peppermint cheer ♪

Oh, a newborn! Well, you're never too young

for your first cane.

♪ Just a sprinkle ♪

♪ Of peppermint cheer ♪

♪ Just a sprinkle of peppermint cheer ♪

♪ upbeat music fades ♪

Say, boss. Have you heard the rumor?

About running this here joint is the bee's knees?

Why, that rumor is true!

I was talking about how evil real estate tycoon D.R. Colosso

was planning to buy and destroy this place!

Well, you pay no mind to that rumor.

My trusty busboy Billy is on his way to the bank.

I sent him off with a large envelope of cash

so I can officially buy Candy Canes by the Sea.

Well, I don't see how such an airtight plan could go south!

It's gone south!

[both gasp dramatically]

Now I'm sorry something awful.

But I just lost the envelope on the way to the bank.

What? How?

I took my eye off it for one second

to tie my shoes.

Those shoes don't even have laces!

I know! But by the time I figured that out,

the envelope was gone!

Without the money, the restaurant is in danger

of falling into the clutches of D.R. Colosso.

In case anyone just got here. [chuckles]

Just keep your chin up. Maybe he'll be none the wiser.

[Dr. Colosso] I'm all the wiser!

♪ ominous music plays ♪

Ladies and gentlemen, I present

the evil real estate tycoon,

D.R. Colosso!

That introduction was terrible!

Why do I even pay you?

You don't, sir. I do this job out of fear.

Speaking of not getting paid,

I heard you lost your money, honey.

Yeah, you heard right, you old funny bunny.

Come up with the money by midnight,

or Candy Canes by the Sea is mine!

Push me out, doofus.

Uh, I'm sorry, everyone, but I just don't think

I can save Candy Canes by the Sea!

Well, I just can't help but feel responsible.

You know, on account of losing all the money

and being fully to blame for this mess

that we're in thing.

Wait.

Many of your customers have lost teeth,

but none of us have lost our hope.

He's right!

Let's throw a big Christmas party tonight,

and raise money to save Phoebe's restaurant!

Oh, well, wrap me up and cover me in tinsel.

Right away, boss.

[all] Oh, Billy.

That's me.

Congrats on stealing the money from that dim-witted busboy.

Thanks to you,

Candy Canes by the Sea is doomed!

You said you were sending that money

to the same orphanage you rescued me from!

Do you have rocks in your head? I was lying.

♪ dramatic music playing

♪ Woe is me and me is woe ♪

♪ I'm the most unhappy lackey... ♪

Are you singing to yourself?

♪ No ♪

♪ holiday themed musical transition ♪

Wow. A whole dollar!

That's worth a lot back in the past

where this story takes place.

We sold her last good tooth!

Worth it!

Oh, no!

It's that evil real estate bunny

and his cowardly assistant.

I have a bulldozer outside waiting to level this place.

Nice try, fuzzy guy.

We've raised enough money to save Candy Canes by the Sea.

Right, Billy?

Wrong, Phoebe!

We're short!

[all gasp]

Then this place is mine!

[Dr. Colosso cackles]

Why are you smiling in the face of defeat?

That's weird.

Because I've realized

something today.

This restaurant, well, it's just a building.

And these candy canes,

well, they're just high fructose corn syrup.

[candy canes clatter]

Is that bad for us?

Well, it's not good for you. [chuckles]

But I guess what I'm trying to say is...

♪ It's not about the place, it's who you're there with ♪

A song about togetherness? Barf.

♪ It's not about the treat, it's who you share with ♪

So cheesy.

♪ So he can take the store away ♪

♪ But I'll still have the key ♪

♪ It's you, it's me

♪ It's we ♪

"It's we"? What a terrible lyric!

Well, as long as she doesn't repeat it a bunch of times...

♪ It's we, it's we ♪

♪ It's we ♪

♪ It's we, it's we ♪

♪ It's we ♪

And now, a brief humming break, followed by a key change

in case anyone's about to have a change of heart. [chuckles]

No lackey of mine will be swayed by happy sounds.

Oh, and I quit.

I've had enough doing your dirty work.

Phoebe's inspired me to do something good with my life

and, by golly, I will!

♪ bright music playing ♪

-♪ It's we -♪ Yes, it is ♪

-♪ It's we -♪ Yes, it is ♪

♪ It's we, we, we, we, we, we, we ♪

♪ It's you ♪

♪ It's me ♪

♪ music fades ♪

♪ It's we ♪

[chuckles]

Here's the money Billy lost!

You are clearly the greatest, kindest human being

-I've ever met. -[chuckles]

I'm done with this happy ending!

Someone get me out of here!

I can help you with that!

Hey! Whoa! Wait! No!

[screams]

[cheering]

Merry Christmas, everyone!

[chanting] Phoebe! Phoebe! Phoebe!

Phoebe! Phoebe! Phoebe!

Don't worry, everyone.

My story's gonna be way better.

Yours was pathetic.

And no one else is chanting.

[chants] Billy! Billy! Billy!

What? That busboy had a heart of gold.

♪ holiday themed musical transition ♪

♪ holiday themed musical transition ♪

Well, that was a really great story, Phoebe.

Um, sure. I mean, if you're into sappy endings

and predictable plot twists.

How's this for a plot twist? [blows raspberry]

No.

Wait. I have a new original story for the slam.

An Elf in Santa's Workshop finds out he's a human

and searches New York City to find his dad.

Billy, that's the movie Elf.

Aw, why do people keep stealing my ideas?

All right, I'll go next.

But all you better hold onto your Santa hats

because my story, Clash of the Clauses,

is gonna knock your stockings off.

Wait, why would we have to hold onto our hats if our stockings--

Once upon a time,

Santa Claus was all, "Family, I've got..."

...a big announcement.

I've decided to retire.

What? Are you sure, Dad?

Yes. And one of you is going to become

-the new Santa Claus. -[gasps]

Of course, Chloe Claus is too young to drive a sleigh.

And Nora Claus is on the reindeer rodeo circuit.

So it's between you kids.

Obviously I should be the new Santa Claus.

I would give the sickest gifts, and make Santa cool again.

No offense, Dad.

Offense taken.

Well, I wanna be Santa because it's my dream

to spread joy to children all over the world.

[snoring]

[startled gasp] Sorry! Fell asleep.

[chuckles]

I'd like to be Santa 'cause it's my dream

to hide colorful eggs for the kids to find.

That's the Easter Bunny, son.

Yeah, back off! That's my job!

Well, your mother and I have thought long and hard

for the past couple seconds,

and we think the new Santa Claus should be...

-[both] Phoebe! -[squeals]

I won't let you down, Dad.

Wait, Phoebe?

[laughing] Ho ho ho! Get used to it, bro.

I bet you're wondering

why I made Phoebe the hero of my story.

I think you know Max Claus has a trick up his chimney.

-Who are you talking to? -Don't worry about it.

♪ holiday themed musical transition ♪

Oh! Welcome to my workshop.

Jumpin' jingle bells! It's the Clauses!

I make the toys that aren't breakable.

Like this teddy bear.

[shatters]

Wait. It's Christmas Eve

and there's only a few presents here.

Where are the rest of them?

Well, that's all of them.

I only have five kids on the "nice" list this year.

How many on the "naughty" list?

Uh, this many.

Laura Sullivan? But she's such a darling.

Doesn't floss regularly.

Scottie Taylor? I love that kid.

Talks on speakerphone in public.

Now that I'm Santa, no more free rides.

Well, except you, elves.

Load up the sleigh and let's fly.

Hold on.

I can't let you do this.

There are no bad kids.

Only bad parents.

[chuckling] Ho ho ho...

Santa, that's me, decides who's naughty or nice.

Well, I decide who's naughty or ice.

[whooshing]

[Barb gasps]

You saved Christmas!

I guess I did, didn't I? [gasps]

This calls for an original song.

♪ bright rock music playing ♪

♪ It's me, it's me ♪

♪ It's me ♪

♪ It's me, it's me ♪

♪ It's me ♪

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas to all!

Except for Phoebe. [blows raspberry]

Ho ho ho!

That song is so catchy!

How do you do it?

I don't know. It just came to me.

It just came to me! That's my song from my story.

[scoffs] Don't do this, Phoebe.

You can put a song in your story next year.

I put three!

All right, guys. Come on and pick my story as the winner

so I can put that star on that tree.

Hello? I still have to tell my story.

[scoffs] You wanna follow that? Good luck, Chloe.

[to the tune of "It's We"] ♪ Chloe, Chloe, Chloe

See? I just came up with a new one!

He did it again.

My boy is so talented.

♪ holiday themed musical transition ♪

♪ holiday themed musical transition ♪

Okay, Chloe. Go ahead and tell your story.

So Mom and Dad can pick mine as the winner

of the Thundermans Christmas Story Slam.

You mean mine.

I'm hearing they're gonna pick mine.

Wait!

Can I have one more chance

to tell my story before Chloe?

Sure, son.

Now what original idea

have you come up with this time?

Okay. So there's this green furry guy,

who just plain hates Christmas.

In fact, he hates it so much that he wants to steal it.

Billy, that's a story by...

you and you alone.

And I didn't even have to steal Max's song like Phoebe!

[chuckles]

Again... it was my song!

All right. Chloe, you are up.

This story's called Sandy the Sandman.

Once upon a time in Secret Shores...

♪ "Jingle Bells" plays ♪

Hey, do you two wanna help me build a sandman

with Jinx and Buch?

You mean a snowman?

We live by the beach.

Sandman's the best we're gonna do.

We're too hot to do anything.

Yeah. Except whine about how it's too hot.

It's too hot!

Just use your freeze breath.

Why didn't we think of that?

[inhales, whooshing]

[coughing, sputters]

No, that's just spit.

Hot spit.

I wish you would've called someone

to fix the air conditioner like I asked.

-Why couldn't you do it? -'Cause I'm too hot!

Pay attention!

[giggling]

Say hello to our new friend, Sandy the Sandman.

But I think he's just missing one final touch.

A Hawaiian shirt?

Sorry, buddy, you ain't getting mine.

No! A hat. So he doesn't get a sandburn.

♪ mysterious music plays ♪

What about that hat that just magically blew in?

-[Kombucha gasps] -[both] Perfect!

Can you guys keep it down out here?

Yeah. You're ruining our pity party.

[gasping]

I'm a real boy! [laughs]

Did I just get heat stroke

or did that sandman come to life?

The hat was filled

with Christmas magic and brought Sandy to life!

Ooh! Let's check the landfill for more magical hats!

Yeah! There's usually a bunch by the diaper section.

Friends, please tell me

about all of the Christmas things.

But speak slow, because my brain is made from sand.

Finally, someone to get into the spirit with.

Wanna go hang stockings by the fireplace?

I don't know what any of that stuff is,

but yes! Please!

I'll go find the stockings.

Hanging stockings is boring.

If you wanna know about Christmas traditions,

I'm your guy.

I was a pile of sand

in a bucket a few minutes ago,

so I have no reason not to trust you! [laughs]

So this is what friends do for each other on Christmas?

Sure is, buddy. But I think they do it a little faster.

[scoffs] Oh, come on.

Sandy is not your Christmas servant.

Yeah. He's a person.

Or a magical sand being.

Don't look at me. I just got here.

It doesn't matter. What you're doing is wrong.

You know what, how 'bout you guys

fetch my boy Sandy here some hot cocoa

while I go teach him an actual Christmas tradition.

And how is this a Christmas tradition?

Oh. Well, I showed Sandy some festive fix-it videos,

and so now he's filling the air conditioner

with ventilated cheer.

The electrical wires are making me feel funny!

Phoebe!

Sandy is not your holiday minion.

You had him fanning you an hour ago.

Exactly! He's my holiday minion!

[zaps]

Sandy, go fill the kiddie pool with ice.

Also, go buy me a kiddie pool.

Well, it is Christmas.

No. He's fixing the A/C.

[zaps]

-Kiddie pool! -A/C!

[grunting]

Guys, stop before you...

[whooshes]

Sandy, no! [gasps]

♪ low moody music playing ♪

[sighs]

I'm back with even more childlike wonder!

Your selfishness broke the Christmas magic.

♪ tense musical transition ♪

[sighs]

-The end. -What do you mean, "the end"?

Chloe! Please, please tell us Sandy comes back to life!

You can't end the story on her stupid siblings.

Yeah, they ruin their sister's Christmas.

[both] Oh...

Exactly. So, like I said, "the end."

Wow, Chloe.

That was almost as good as Max's song.

Well, it's time. [sighs]

The winner of this year's Story Slam is...

[both] Chloe.

Really?

Yeah.

Your story taught us

how silly we've been acting.

You deserve to put up the star.

Guess I hid the pointy things for nothing.

How could I lose?

My story about the Grinch that stole Christmas was...

Oh, wait. Never mind. [chuckles]

I honestly don't care about winning

or putting up the star.

I just care that you two--

Whoa! Okay, wait, no. This is pretty sick.

♪ cheerful holiday music playing ♪

[female voice] Alert! Incoming call from Nora Thunderman.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

[all] Nora!

Hi! How's the North Pole?

[sighs] Dad, you told them?

No!

Well... I'm sorry I couldn't make it home,

but there's one Thunderman tradition I didn't want to miss.

[zapping]

[laughs]

This is the best Easter ever!

♪ cheerful holiday music playing ♪

♪♪