Original subtitles

(Transcrito por TurboScribe. Actualizar a Ilimitado para eliminar este mensaje.) It's third to last day, retiring, day in,

he's only got two weeks to live, can't

sell any more.

Boy's gone.

Upset because he wanted to die on the

knocker.

There goes a salesman.

You a manager then?

I do the music.

She's me girlfriend.

Don't you mind?

I want her to stop, but I can't

find work.

What do you do?

Mix music.

Might I call for that kind of work

then?

No, it's an interest.

You'll have to support her, son.

What about selling?

Look at me, I made it, and I've

got a glass eye.

Thank you my dear, and thank you to

the generous soul who booked this striptease telegram

for me.

Get out of here, and black a bloody

blue from these bastards.

Needs have been shared, but the week is

nearly through.

All that is left now is for me

to say a few words.

You have a floodlight inside.

It is as big as your body, and

when you think you're through, and you've done

enough, there is the trigger to turn it

on.

And bam, taken by surprise, dazzle their eyes.

They will stand in your beam, and they

will buy.

You have a purpose.

You have a mission.

Your next sale is lying there behind every

no thank you that you receive, like a

diamond.

It is there, waiting, glinting, see it, reach

for it, have it, go for it, you

can do it, you can do it, because

you are salesmen.

As you know, the companies have thrust us

up to our elbows in the treasure chest.

An outstanding product, unrivalled commission packages, and now,

and now they are pouring prizes upon our

heads.

I'm talking top salesman, the two-week booty

in Benidorm.

Feed on, come through, roll out those vats.

What are we in?

He's dead.

I'm sick of this job, sick of it.

Well, you don't have to do it no

more.

What are you going on about now?

You don't have to do this kind of

work no more.

Oh, no.

No, no, no, not this again.

You're off in your own little world, aren't

you?

Hi-fi, Ed.

Where's the coin coming from, eh?

I said I'd stop when you got a

job.

I got one.

I don't mean mixing cassettes for the teenagers

down the lane.

It's not, no.

I got myself a job.

See what it can do?

With Andy attached.

He's got a mind of his own, this

little rascal.

Watch it go.

Light, light, light as a long balloon.

Can't hold it, Tommy.

What?

He can't.

His hand is quivered.

No, but she can, can't she?

Well, sit down, sit down, sit down, go

on.

Go on, you've worked hard, you deserve it.

Sit down, have a bit of cake, finish

your tea.

Right, yeah, now, light,

light in the green.

And yet it's got a power of a

suck on it, too.

Turn it up full, you'll have Australian shoes

in your living room before you know where

you are.

Not only that, it'll do your furniture, your

curtains, your ceilings, your corners, under the cooker,

over the door, crevices, cringe and cry when

they see this coming.

I couldn't say that again, wouldn't try not

with my tea there.

No, it'll do you the absolute lot, this

Mr and Mrs Tucker, if I may, Lorna

and Edward, if I may, Lou and Ted,

have it.

Possess it, go on.

You know you want it.

He likes it.

I can't afford it.

Can't afford it, can't afford it, don't give

me that.

You can if I lob a hundred off.

No, no, no, no, no, no, don't agree

yet, do not agree yet, because I really,

I really want you to have this machine.

I'm going to swallow, I'm going to lose,

I'm going to take it and I'm going

to lob another 50 off so you can

get out and get yourself a slap up

meal on me.

I'm not going until you do.

There, it is yours.

Beauty, isn't it?

I'll leave it there in the middle of

the room.

Look at it a while before you use

it.

Ta-ra, moustache.

Ta-ra.

Listen, you never, never interfere when I'm selling,

right?

Can't hold it.

He's got another hand, doesn't he?

No.

Well, he can shove it up his fucking

arse, I don't care.

We're moving backs here, pal, I'm not doing

physiotherapy on him, okay?

Okay.

He can't hold it, Tommy.

When I run my first round, if I'd

come in with piss like that, the old

salesman I was with would have took me

outside and kicked me hard in the face

and he'd be bang on right for doing

it and all.

Lesson number one, laddy boy.

If they waver, see to their dithering bastards,

don't give them no quarter.

Here, let's have something for the road in

there.

Do you live in here?

Usually, yeah.

Pass me that there, there.

Got to if you want to be number

one.

What, you sleep here all the time?

No.

Sometimes Motel or Ruby's.

Who's Ruby?

You are new, aren't you?

Ruby, the showroom slag.

Here, pass me that, puffer, puffer, right.

Quickly!

Rule number two, always start the day with

a good breakfast.

No, thanks.

What, you don't like one of them, do

you?

I don't smoke.

What, you're fucking hell free, go on.

No.

What, you don't smoke?

No, I have to give that up.

What's your favourite football team?

Who's your favourite page three?

What do you like then?

Dance music.

I don't play, I just like mixing a

bit.

Tell me something, what's your name?

Pete.

Pete, Pete, tell me something, Pete.

How'd you come for this job, you?

I was at your office meeting with my

girlfriend, weren't you there?

Told me don't go to them, too busy

selling, they listen to losers, get pissed and

talk about selling.

Anyway, they all fucking hear me there.

I met Sidney there.

Oh, say no more, press gangster.

It was the night that Throat died.

Throat died?

I didn't know, did he leave any leads?

Oh, too late, those jackals will be going

for his job even as we speak.

He was almost gone when they took him

on, desperate bastard.

No other company would have touched him in

that state.

He was selling my arm in the fucking

end.

Listen, Pete, I don't want to disillusion you,

mate.

They take on any twat, and I mean

any twat.

Oh?

Turn them for two days and if they

don't perform, swat them off, bad twat there.

Oh, not me, I'm gonna make a real

go of this.

Oh, all right.

Yeah, it's the greatest game going.

You, you fucking bomb bandit.

They're like a bit of road rage to

get you going for the morning.

Better than caffeine.

So you got a bride then, eh?

Girlfriend, you said?

Oh, yeah, Sheila.

What'd she do then?

Eh?

The bride?

Nothing.

Not?

Yeah.

Oh, spongy.

No, no, she was the one who was

working.

What'd she do?

Strippergram.

Huh?

Strippergram.

I thought that's what you said.

Fuck me, stripper, eh?

Strippergram.

You got a picture?

No.

Stripper, eh?

A French maid.

Traffic warning.

Centurions.

We ride.

Quick, quick, stop.

Eh?

Me flat.

Yeah, I thought you...

I don't fucking sleep there, it stinks.

Ah, come in, make yourself at home here.

Have a toss.

Oh, what the fuck's that?

Hello?

Oh, you owe me money.

It was my lead, you prick, I fucking

found it for you, you know it was.

Don't fucking argue back.

Yeah, I'm up for salesman of the year,

yeah, yeah.

Friday night, golden vac.

They saddle me with this swat of a

trainee, yeah, holding me back a bit.

No, he's not listening, are you?

Are you listening?

Oh, too busy looking at my knob, I

think.

Come on, bring a vac or two.

Rule number three, wherever you be, always have

a vac or two ready in cock in

case of a quick sale.

Can I put the radio on?

No.

I put this tape on that, I mixed.

No.

You could have a motivation tape on, though.

One I made.

I've got waffers on this guy, you know.

Sale, sale, fucking sale!

Sale, sale, sale, sale!

Sale, fucking sale!

Sale, sale, sale, sale!

Sale, fucking sale!

Fucking sale!

Sale, sale, fucking sale!

Sale!

Sale!

What's wrong?

We've got two more fuck-outs!

We've got back to this shit, come on!

Two fucking miles an hour!

Get out of the way!

I've got things to do!

Sell!

Fucking sell!

Sell!

Sell!

So, er, do you think you'll get it,

then?

Eh?

The, er, top salesman of the year, two

weeks in Benidorm.

I'll kill myself if I don't.

People say, what commission are you on?

I say, I don't know, I don't care,

I'm on the McCarthy commission.

Ours is to sell or die.

No-one will do what I would do

for a sale.

No-one.

No-one shifts what I shift.

What's that man?

The rock violin in Blackpool.

What's he called?

Pockmark.

Ah, he does some.

You should see him.

Looks like Jack Palantra with Skin of the

Alligator.

Skin of the Alligator.

He does some.

Otherwise, you have no chance.

They're all behind me, they're so little in

the distance, they make me sick.

Anyway, if they come too close to me,

I'll bite them.

I've got to wee, I've got to wee.

Oh, for fuck's sake!

Oh, it'll do you an absolute lot.

This is an amazing machine.

Look at it, look.

Like so badly as well.

It'll go right round your seals, around your

wheels.

It'll do your carpets.

This will get up every bit of grime,

any bit of grime.

It'll just suck it up.

Look, it lifts the bell.

It lifts the nap, lifts the nap around.

Go on, get over there.

You, there.

Now, hold that.

Now, look at that, look.

Look at the strength of that.

It's amazing.

It's not heavy at all.

Look, look.

Little finger, look at that, look.

Listen to the strength of those wheels.

You could even do your laundry with this.

Now, look at that.

Like a balloon, look.

Look at that.

Goodbye!

Quick detour to base.

You know what it's like to work in

a place where nobody hates you?

No.

Invigorating.

Come on!

Blue!

Pink, wrong.

Nearly.

Nowhere near.

Who cares?

I'll get a look.

Cock-a-doodle-doo!

Where's the chicken house gone?

Only last week.

This was the chicken house.

Three old broilers on telephones.

Smoking like chimneys, taking calls for leaves between

coffin fits.

I used to put my head in the

door like a rooster.

They'd all squawk and squeak and call for

the man as if it was only last

fucking week.

They've knocked it all into one.

Look at it.

It's Socket City.

Hellfire.

Who's this?

What was that?

Stone cheeks?

Why do I feel like twenty pairs of

frozen high heels have just walked across me

grave?

It's Ookie.

She's here to set up a website and

internet for us.

Oh, I know.

Fishnet Internet Stockings at Cybernics.

For our laptop forward slash u-lap-bottom

-dot-co-dot-uk-or-gorgy-ben-heel

-dot-tits-dot-dot-dot-com.

Now then, what's the latest?

How am I doing?

All right.

Anything else?

Tommy.

Not harassing my staff again, are you?

Oh, not at all, Mr. Arnott.

Just discussing with Miss Stone Cheeks here the

latest progress in the gen on the golden

vac.

Just thinking about what to move on me

mantelpiece.

What suntan oil to buy.

Arrogance.

It's not over yet, Rag.

You not see the latest pile the Bond

girl took through there?

Doesn't mean you're a salesman.

Sales make a salesman.

I think there's a bit more to it

than that.

Than what?

Than a spieler who operates without any ethics

whatsoever doing anything for a sale.

At least I'm honest about what I do

and how I do it.

Not like the rest of you hypocrites.

Walking in this place these days, you got

to watch out you don't skid on the

smam.

Hiya.

Hey.

Pete, remember the other night?

You gave me Throat's Place.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

How you doing?

Keep it up, eh?

Nice to see you.

Oh, yeah.

And what's the idea of putting me with

that lame health freak?

What do you mean?

In the last day's run up to the

competition holding me back was returned as not

suitable material.

Oh, you returned him, are you?

Oh, well, if you can't cope, I can

always send him out with Randall.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Send some more if you want.

Do what you want.

Sell or take a piece of dog crap

to me cheek, I'll still show more than

all of you.

Chain a cannonball to me leg, I'll still

win and have the chain, the ball and

the fucking cannon sold into the bargain.

You think you've got all the answers, George,

with your big mouth and your outdated bloody,

bloody blunderbuss tactics.

Now, now.

You will see.

No, I won't.

You don't like me, but you like my

results.

You'd sack me if you could, but you

can't.

I do want to run a run.

I do want to run.

Look at me.

You live here.

Where?

I don't see Aberdeen, unless you're Top Cat.

Here, this one here.

Where, where, where's the house?

This is the boys' lot.

Well, I thought mine was bad.

You are poor.

See you!

Work out!

You all right?

Yeah, just, Clayface was there again.

She's always there.

She's always staring.

She's mad.

I tell her to fuck off and go

and be Claywoman in an American comic book.

Anyway, how did it go?

Good.

Good.

Come on.

I want to know how you got on.

You're back early.

Oh, no!

You've not been sacked, have you?

Because I'm warning you, if you did...

No, no, I got dropped off.

By the bloke you're with?

Yeah.

What's he called?

Er, Tommy.

Tommy Rag.

Is he all right?

He's great, yeah.

He's a nice bloke.

Well, he'll be the first salesman there is.

You're going to need more gumption than this,

Pete.

And I've got an idea to give it

to you.

Come here.

Something to motivate you to the top, like

a rocket.

Remember?

Pussycat.

Not till you've made your first sale.

No.

Till you've made your first sale.

Come on,

workhouse!

What's rule number four?

I don't know.

Now, what's rule number four?

I don't know.

Rule number fucking four, pal, is don't piss

around keeping me waiting.

Seconds lead to sales.

Pop Mark will have had his puffer-puffer

and be off the rocks by now.

If you're not there next time, I'll fuck

off and leave you, all right?

Here.

Get that sealed, John, if you want to

be with me.

Go on.

It's an old one, but it's the famous.

It holds shit in it, right?

Shit!

You caught?

So, Tommy.

Yeah?

Can I sell to you?

What?

On me own.

Go on.

You want to make as many sales as

possible to old Benidorm.

You can have mine.

Just let me make them.

You give me commission, or share.

You can share the commission.

Go on, then.

Sell in there.

One thing.

Poor areas like this.

Get out when you're done.

A clean cut.

Rule fucking whatever.

Take no sob stories, no hesitation.

As quick as you can, withdraw.

Get out like a spent knob.

Boot!

Twenty-eight.

Two pound twelve.

I'm here to make life easier.

Of?

Of something that I'd like to talk to

you about.

Come in.

Fearful cold, isn't it?

I'm not to have the fire up too

high.

I owe it all over.

Sorry it's such a mess.

It's hard when you're on your own with

four children.

It's a vacuum, see.

Can I plug it in?

If you like, there's a what's-it somewhere.

The other one broke.

Someone took it to fix, but he never

brought it back.

It does everything.

That's nice.

This place could do with a good going

over and right through.

It's a mess.

It's fearful hard to keep the house going.

I fear for little coming in.

My grandma, she's offered to take photos of

me.

To send off to one of them filthy

magazines.

You get paid.

There was a woman three streets away, was

one of them readers' wives.

People still ask her for her autograph.

You ought to look at me in my

fearful condition.

Grandma says there's a magazine called Boney Bintz.

Or something that might.

I don't know.

She's looking into it for me.

She knows from her boyfriend.

They call him Barbecue Erud.

Do you know him?

No.

His fingers is like burnt sausages.

Been in too many pies.

I don't know how she lets him near

her.

I don't really.

Then where would we take him?

Every room in this house is like this.

Humble and shit.

Who'd want to look at a nude under

such conditions?

This will help you clear up.

My grandma did it in the fifties.

I have a photo of her somewhere.

She's sitting astride a rolled up carpet in

a kitchen.

Place is not bad.

But you can just see the back end

of a bicycle wheel and there's washing up

in the sink.

Where is it?

It's all right.

About the clean up.

Okay.

Eh?

I'll take it.

It's very nice and from what you said,

it should do the trick.

I bought some books before off a man

off the door.

There they are over there.

Kings and Queens of England.

Never looked at them.

I don't read well.

But, you know, a bargain's a bargain and

as I say, it's nice to know they're

there.

And there's my tick.

My telly in the sky.

I find that when your benefit comes in,

all your debts go at it like piglets

at hogs.

You carry on.

But I'm fearful honest about my debt.

Don't worry.

Whatever it takes, I never miss.

We've been on gravy and bread and I've

never missed my catalogue.

Who's that?

Your boss?

Yeah.