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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,698 --> 00:00:09,425 Am I the only one who remembered daylight savings time? 2 00:00:24,668 --> 00:00:26,877 CONVICT: Been here 17 years. 3 00:00:27,298 --> 00:00:29,850 Been on the HBO, the Netflix 4 00:00:29,851 --> 00:00:31,778 and one House Hunters International. 5 00:00:31,779 --> 00:00:35,615 But now I got two new hotshot lawyers working my case. 6 00:00:35,616 --> 00:00:39,435 No sign of a struggle, no DNA evidence in the cabin 7 00:00:39,436 --> 00:00:42,789 and no attractive young woman declared missing. 8 00:00:42,790 --> 00:00:47,034 I think there's a very real chance no one was murdered. 9 00:00:47,035 --> 00:00:48,835 ¶ ¶ 10 00:00:51,781 --> 00:00:53,708 I was on the jury that convicted him. 11 00:00:53,709 --> 00:00:55,492 Had we known there was no victim, 12 00:00:55,493 --> 00:00:57,119 we might not have voted guilty. 13 00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:59,096 I repeat, might not. 14 00:00:59,973 --> 00:01:01,924 Fantastic news. 15 00:01:01,925 --> 00:01:03,459 We got picked up for a second season. 16 00:01:03,460 --> 00:01:04,644 And my appeal? 17 00:01:04,645 --> 00:01:06,813 Mostly to women 25 to 54. 18 00:01:06,814 --> 00:01:09,056 Oh. You mean "appeal" appeal. 19 00:01:09,057 --> 00:01:10,774 Oh, well, that's not happenin. 20 00:01:12,135 --> 00:01:13,985 (babbling) 21 00:01:16,139 --> 00:01:18,073 (all babbling) 22 00:01:25,356 --> 00:01:28,192 What is it, sweetie? Are you gassy? 23 00:01:28,193 --> 00:01:30,527 Uh, when is she not gassy? 24 00:01:30,528 --> 00:01:32,154 Baby burn. 25 00:01:32,155 --> 00:01:34,582 (moans) If only you could talk. 26 00:01:34,583 --> 00:01:38,344 It's the people who can't speak that have so much to share. 27 00:01:38,345 --> 00:01:40,262 (babbling) 28 00:01:42,999 --> 00:01:44,592 Or maybe not. 29 00:01:44,593 --> 00:01:47,094 (gasps) Wait a minute. I think there's a show 30 00:01:47,095 --> 00:01:50,230 about teaching a baby sign language. 31 00:01:56,846 --> 00:02:00,274 (gasps) I could finally talk to my baby. 32 00:02:00,275 --> 00:02:04,686 Maggie, we have a fun week of repetitive drills ahead. 33 00:02:04,687 --> 00:02:06,997 I wonder what the kid was so upset about. 34 00:02:09,376 --> 00:02:11,043 Don't worry, little baby. 35 00:02:11,044 --> 00:02:14,004 I'll be okay till morning. 36 00:02:15,698 --> 00:02:18,959 Now I'm screwed. 37 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:23,964 Congratulations, babies, we've learned some great signs today. 38 00:02:23,965 --> 00:02:29,211 I hope you don't want "more," because we're "all done," 39 00:02:29,212 --> 00:02:32,899 because our government funding "ran out." 40 00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:35,142 Okay, Maggie. 41 00:02:35,143 --> 00:02:39,739 Do you want "more" or are you "all done"? 42 00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:43,225 "More" or "all done"? 43 00:02:43,226 --> 00:02:46,061 "More" or "all done"? 44 00:02:46,062 --> 00:02:48,989 "More" or "all done"? 45 00:02:48,990 --> 00:02:51,325 "More" or "all done"? 46 00:02:51,326 --> 00:02:53,994 "More" or "all done"? 47 00:02:53,995 --> 00:02:55,904 "More" or "all done"? 48 00:02:55,905 --> 00:02:57,998 "More" or "all done"? 49 00:02:57,999 --> 00:02:59,091 "More" or "all done"? 50 00:02:59,092 --> 00:03:01,618 Oh, great, now I'm out of Cheerios. 51 00:03:01,619 --> 00:03:03,453 (belches) 52 00:03:03,454 --> 00:03:05,932 Oh, I thought they were doughnuts 53 00:03:05,933 --> 00:03:08,083 that were really far away. 54 00:03:08,084 --> 00:03:09,918 "More"? 55 00:03:09,919 --> 00:03:11,938 "More"? Aw, that's 22. 56 00:03:11,939 --> 00:03:13,755 You busted. 57 00:03:13,756 --> 00:03:16,016 Always say "all done" on a hard 17. 58 00:03:16,017 --> 00:03:18,945 Can you say that? "Hard 17"? 59 00:03:18,946 --> 00:03:20,446 Don't teach her gambling. 60 00:03:20,447 --> 00:03:22,764 Let's go, dealer. One more hand. 61 00:03:22,765 --> 00:03:24,951 Aw, sir, I don't want to take your money. 62 00:03:24,952 --> 00:03:26,117 (groans) 63 00:03:28,104 --> 00:03:29,771 Remember to make sure that the warriors you kill 64 00:03:29,772 --> 00:03:31,440 are actually dead. 65 00:03:31,441 --> 00:03:33,534 I recommend stabbing, dissolving in acid, 66 00:03:33,535 --> 00:03:35,319 dynamite in the butt... 67 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,964 GAMER'S MOTHER: Jason. You're late for dinner! 68 00:03:37,965 --> 00:03:40,800 Ma, I'm talking to 30 million people! 69 00:03:40,801 --> 00:03:44,545 Boil them, let pigs eat them, Kentucky-fry them... 70 00:03:44,546 --> 00:03:47,956 Don't play that in front of Maggie. She'll have nightmares. 71 00:03:47,957 --> 00:03:49,809 Eh, suit yourself. 72 00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:51,385 This is more like it. 73 00:03:51,386 --> 00:03:54,981 "Hansel shoved the blood-covered witch into the oven. 74 00:03:54,982 --> 00:03:58,233 'I'm burning alive, ' screamed the witch." 75 00:03:59,469 --> 00:04:01,320 More? More? 76 00:04:01,321 --> 00:04:03,305 (gasps) You want more book? 77 00:04:03,306 --> 00:04:07,184 My baby's communicating with me. 78 00:04:07,185 --> 00:04:10,479 Let me test it out. Do you like peas? 79 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:12,665 Do you like applesauce? 80 00:04:12,666 --> 00:04:16,669 Do you like Star Wars movies? 81 00:04:16,670 --> 00:04:19,129 What about Baby Yoda? 82 00:04:21,174 --> 00:04:22,591 Hmm. 83 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:28,221 This is so exciting. Look, look what Maggie can do. 84 00:04:29,516 --> 00:04:32,760 Maggie, do you want "more"? 85 00:04:32,761 --> 00:04:34,044 That's my girl. 86 00:04:34,045 --> 00:04:36,338 Look, everyone. She's doing it. 87 00:04:36,339 --> 00:04:38,265 Yeah, that's great. 88 00:04:38,266 --> 00:04:40,100 Dad, check this out. 89 00:04:40,101 --> 00:04:41,861 He only sings when we're not looking. 90 00:04:41,862 --> 00:04:43,938 Classic aggravation humor. 91 00:04:43,939 --> 00:04:46,198 - (Marge groans) - A dancing frog. 92 00:04:46,199 --> 00:04:48,034 Bet that would cook up nice. 93 00:04:48,035 --> 00:04:50,444 You're missing a crucial moment in Maggie's development 94 00:04:50,445 --> 00:04:51,946 because of these. 95 00:04:51,947 --> 00:04:54,040 From now on, we're gonna limit the time 96 00:04:54,041 --> 00:04:57,234 we spend looking at our stupid phones. 97 00:04:57,235 --> 00:04:59,879 (laughter) 98 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:01,881 Yeah, that's great. 99 00:05:01,882 --> 00:05:04,884 And then we'll have a conversation. 100 00:05:04,885 --> 00:05:07,077 (laughs) 101 00:05:07,078 --> 00:05:09,964 Steve Jobs wouldn't let his children use his iPads, 102 00:05:09,965 --> 00:05:13,300 and he was a great parent, I assume. 103 00:05:13,301 --> 00:05:16,804 From now on, everyone gets a half hour of screen time a week. 104 00:05:16,805 --> 00:05:18,922 - And that's it. - Really, Marge? 105 00:05:18,923 --> 00:05:22,217 You think you can give up your Pinterest? 106 00:05:22,218 --> 00:05:24,403 My cake fails are important. 107 00:05:24,404 --> 00:05:28,239 If people fail at cake, they need to be told. 108 00:05:29,484 --> 00:05:31,935 Okay. Half an hour a week 109 00:05:31,936 --> 00:05:34,154 for everyone, including me. 110 00:05:34,155 --> 00:05:37,441 I believe there's something you're forgetting. 111 00:05:37,442 --> 00:05:38,826 (sighs) 112 00:05:38,827 --> 00:05:42,779 And? And? 113 00:05:42,780 --> 00:05:45,674 (grunts) No more screens. You, too. 114 00:05:50,005 --> 00:05:52,414 Here at Messages, we treat your addiction humanely, 115 00:05:52,415 --> 00:05:55,792 with hiking and biking and human equivalents of things 116 00:05:55,793 --> 00:05:58,587 that work with rats. 117 00:05:58,588 --> 00:06:02,591 And all we ask for is your brain when you die. 118 00:06:02,592 --> 00:06:05,277 Well, let's pray this place won't be necessary. 119 00:06:05,278 --> 00:06:08,948 - (cow bell rings) - All right, let's round 'em up. 120 00:06:08,949 --> 00:06:11,141 Okay. It's been one week. 121 00:06:11,142 --> 00:06:13,410 Let me check your screen times. 122 00:06:17,032 --> 00:06:18,648 Wow. They're really low. 123 00:06:18,649 --> 00:06:21,368 I'm so proud of you. 124 00:06:21,369 --> 00:06:24,821 I forgot how great it was to crack the spine of a book. 125 00:06:24,822 --> 00:06:26,874 (laughs softly) 126 00:06:26,875 --> 00:06:28,467 I'm calmer, I'm happier, 127 00:06:28,468 --> 00:06:31,119 I'm seeing things I never saw before. 128 00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,306 Did you know our second dog is a cat? 129 00:06:34,307 --> 00:06:36,016 (doorbell rings) 130 00:06:37,627 --> 00:06:39,478 Hmm? 131 00:06:39,479 --> 00:06:41,296 Sorry, last time I was here, 132 00:06:41,297 --> 00:06:43,891 I left my screen time reversal wrench. 133 00:06:43,892 --> 00:06:45,651 I could just get that back. 134 00:06:45,652 --> 00:06:49,521 You guys have been having this man dial back your screen time? 135 00:06:49,522 --> 00:06:52,808 Oops. Looks like I just lost a contract. 136 00:06:52,809 --> 00:06:54,401 Well, anybody want to buy a van? 137 00:06:54,402 --> 00:06:57,663 It only has two miles on it. 138 00:06:57,664 --> 00:06:59,022 (chuckles) 139 00:06:59,023 --> 00:07:00,407 - (grumbles) - What the...? 140 00:07:00,408 --> 00:07:03,077 Okay, close your eyes. 141 00:07:03,078 --> 00:07:07,006 I'm putting these someplace you'll never find them. 142 00:07:07,007 --> 00:07:09,366 (footsteps descending staircase) 143 00:07:09,367 --> 00:07:11,827 (car departing) 144 00:07:11,828 --> 00:07:14,421 (drawbridge lowering) 145 00:07:14,422 --> 00:07:16,924 (plane taking off) 146 00:07:16,925 --> 00:07:19,000 (jackhammer grinding) 147 00:07:19,001 --> 00:07:21,020 (bird squawks) 148 00:07:21,021 --> 00:07:25,715 No cell phone. Stuck at work all day with nothing to do. 149 00:07:25,716 --> 00:07:27,101 Lookin' at my feet. 150 00:07:27,102 --> 00:07:29,103 Hey, big guy. What, are you bored? 151 00:07:29,104 --> 00:07:31,221 Why don't you do the Daily Jumble in the paper? 152 00:07:31,222 --> 00:07:33,532 Unscramble the words to solve a funny riddle. 153 00:07:33,533 --> 00:07:35,058 Oh, that's what it is. 154 00:07:35,059 --> 00:07:37,536 I thought the proofreader had a stroke. 155 00:07:37,537 --> 00:07:38,562 Let's see. 156 00:07:38,563 --> 00:07:39,688 Hmm. 157 00:07:39,689 --> 00:07:42,157 "D-D-A." 158 00:07:42,158 --> 00:07:45,235 Hmm. "D-D-A." 159 00:07:45,236 --> 00:07:46,787 Hmm. 160 00:07:46,788 --> 00:07:49,197 "D-D-A." Hmm. 161 00:07:49,198 --> 00:07:50,382 (gasps) "Dad." 162 00:07:50,383 --> 00:07:52,793 "Dad." I got something! 163 00:07:52,794 --> 00:07:56,130 For the first time ever, I solved a puzzle. 164 00:07:56,131 --> 00:07:58,056 ¶ ¶ 165 00:08:16,726 --> 00:08:20,061 (gasps) "Dad ate all the pie." 166 00:08:20,062 --> 00:08:22,748 Call the newspaper. Tell them someone has solved it. 167 00:08:22,749 --> 00:08:24,083 And get me some pie. 168 00:08:24,084 --> 00:08:27,161 I love not using a phone. 169 00:08:27,162 --> 00:08:29,830 It's made me much more in tune with the world. 170 00:08:29,831 --> 00:08:32,632 (louder): It's like my senses are heightened. 171 00:08:35,119 --> 00:08:37,504 (thudding echoing loudly) 172 00:08:37,505 --> 00:08:39,122 (whooshes) 173 00:08:39,123 --> 00:08:40,933 Okay, Maggie, time to go. 174 00:08:40,934 --> 00:08:42,642 Say goodbye to your aunts. 175 00:08:46,088 --> 00:08:47,797 So cute. (laughs softly) 176 00:08:47,798 --> 00:08:49,275 What's she saying? 177 00:08:49,276 --> 00:08:51,151 (coughing) 178 00:08:53,354 --> 00:08:56,781 She always sleeps so good when she's here. 179 00:09:00,311 --> 00:09:01,770 (camera clicks) 180 00:09:01,771 --> 00:09:03,371 Huh? 181 00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:08,169 (imitates rocket noises) 182 00:09:08,170 --> 00:09:10,278 Careful. If we enter the Martian atmosphere 183 00:09:10,279 --> 00:09:12,298 at too steep an angle, we'll burn up. 184 00:09:12,299 --> 00:09:14,658 (gasps, screams) 185 00:09:14,659 --> 00:09:17,636 Tell my family I love them. 186 00:09:17,637 --> 00:09:18,971 (deep voice): They know that, Steve. 187 00:09:18,972 --> 00:09:19,996 They know. 188 00:09:19,997 --> 00:09:21,665 (imitates static) 189 00:09:21,666 --> 00:09:25,168 (snickers) Bart has to use his imagination. 190 00:09:25,169 --> 00:09:28,004 This is Jupiter One. Do you copy? 191 00:09:28,005 --> 00:09:29,481 I copy. 192 00:09:29,482 --> 00:09:30,816 What are you doing? 193 00:09:30,817 --> 00:09:32,842 I'm talking to Jupiter One. 194 00:09:32,843 --> 00:09:35,971 Oh, I'll show you Jupiter One. 195 00:09:35,972 --> 00:09:38,014 Jupiter One to mission contro. 196 00:09:38,015 --> 00:09:40,976 Firing photon torpedoes. 197 00:09:40,977 --> 00:09:42,827 (laughter) 198 00:09:44,814 --> 00:09:48,817 Um, I'm doing a very important two-page paper. 199 00:09:48,818 --> 00:09:52,746 Do you have any way to find a book without using a computer? 200 00:09:52,747 --> 00:09:55,507 Well, the old card catalogue is in the basement. 201 00:09:55,508 --> 00:09:57,843 Bang on this pot to scare the possums away. 202 00:09:57,844 --> 00:09:58,968 Okay. 203 00:10:00,871 --> 00:10:01,971 - (hissing) - Uh... 204 00:10:03,708 --> 00:10:06,167 Hmm. Mm-hmm. 205 00:10:06,168 --> 00:10:09,263 (inhales sharply) Mmm, old card stock. 206 00:10:09,264 --> 00:10:11,147 So tactile. 207 00:10:15,603 --> 00:10:18,939 (gasps) Look, this one has an old handwritten note. 208 00:10:18,940 --> 00:10:21,900 "Dear Reader..." Ooh, that's me. (chuckles) 209 00:10:21,901 --> 00:10:25,228 "See also: Lost Wax Technique." 210 00:10:25,229 --> 00:10:27,856 I will see also. 211 00:10:27,857 --> 00:10:29,858 (squeals) 212 00:10:29,859 --> 00:10:32,027 "N-J-X-I." 213 00:10:32,028 --> 00:10:33,787 Jinx. 214 00:10:33,788 --> 00:10:37,240 "P-I-U-Q." Quip. 215 00:10:37,241 --> 00:10:39,218 I'm solving words I don't even know. 216 00:10:39,219 --> 00:10:41,703 ¶ Jumble boogie, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo ¶ 217 00:10:41,704 --> 00:10:43,889 ¶ Get down, get down ¶ 218 00:10:43,890 --> 00:10:46,392 ¶ With the goobie, doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo ¶ 219 00:10:46,393 --> 00:10:48,560 ¶ Unjumbled that is boogie ¶ 220 00:10:48,561 --> 00:10:50,712 ¶ Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo, solve a jumble ¶ 221 00:10:50,713 --> 00:10:53,256 ¶ In your face, world, I'm so humble ¶ 222 00:10:53,257 --> 00:10:55,717 ¶ Now, watch me twirl. ¶ 223 00:10:55,718 --> 00:10:57,761 (screams) 224 00:10:57,762 --> 00:10:59,429 Okay, okay. 225 00:10:59,430 --> 00:11:01,240 I need the recipe for puttanesca sauce. 226 00:11:01,241 --> 00:11:03,058 Can't go online. 227 00:11:03,059 --> 00:11:04,059 No problem. 228 00:11:04,060 --> 00:11:05,911 I've got cookbooks. 229 00:11:05,912 --> 00:11:08,322 Padma Lakshmi's Hot and Zesty. 230 00:11:08,323 --> 00:11:11,417 Tiffany Haddish's Fun with Radishes. 231 00:11:11,418 --> 00:11:13,919 I made 14 of those-- they weren't that fun. 232 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:16,088 (gasps) I know who to call. 233 00:11:16,089 --> 00:11:16,997 (beeping) 234 00:11:16,998 --> 00:11:18,498 Hello? 235 00:11:18,499 --> 00:11:21,242 What's the recipe for puttanesca sauce? 236 00:11:21,243 --> 00:11:22,577 Oh, you want-a the recipe? 237 00:11:22,578 --> 00:11:24,171 Sure, sure, get a pencil. 238 00:11:24,172 --> 00:11:25,931 Step-a one-- you come here. 239 00:11:25,932 --> 00:11:28,008 Step-a two-- you pay for it. 240 00:11:28,009 --> 00:11:30,627 Step-a three-- I put it on-a some pasta. 241 00:11:30,628 --> 00:11:32,921 And that's-a the recipe! 242 00:11:32,922 --> 00:11:34,181 (moans) 243 00:11:34,182 --> 00:11:37,300 (tires screeching) 244 00:11:37,301 --> 00:11:39,427 ¶ ¶ 245 00:11:39,428 --> 00:11:41,113 (inhales deeply) 246 00:11:41,114 --> 00:11:42,972 Oh, what a great day. 247 00:11:42,973 --> 00:11:44,974 Oh, you said it. 248 00:11:44,975 --> 00:11:48,195 I spent five minutes today just looking at the sun. 249 00:11:48,196 --> 00:11:51,698 (grunts, groans) 250 00:11:51,699 --> 00:11:54,201 Hey, where's Mom? 251 00:11:54,202 --> 00:11:56,878 And why do I hear clicking from this closet? 252 00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:01,300 Hold on a beat. 253 00:12:01,301 --> 00:12:02,801 Just... hold on. 254 00:12:02,802 --> 00:12:05,995 Who was the one who said no screen time? 255 00:12:05,996 --> 00:12:07,122 Who? 256 00:12:07,123 --> 00:12:09,475 It was you. 257 00:12:09,476 --> 00:12:11,334 (sighs) I know. 258 00:12:11,335 --> 00:12:12,886 I have a problem. 259 00:12:12,887 --> 00:12:14,504 So, I'm signing us all up for a month 260 00:12:14,505 --> 00:12:17,057 at that screen addiction rehab center. 261 00:12:17,058 --> 00:12:20,060 But we're not addicted, you are! 262 00:12:20,061 --> 00:12:21,895 That's exactly what an addict would say. 263 00:12:21,896 --> 00:12:24,139 Or a normal person. 264 00:12:24,140 --> 00:12:26,182 That's also what an addict would say. 265 00:12:26,183 --> 00:12:28,977 Well, what wouldn't an addict say?! 266 00:12:28,978 --> 00:12:30,904 Not that, that's for sure. 267 00:12:30,905 --> 00:12:32,998 We'll all go there starting tomorrow. 268 00:12:32,999 --> 00:12:34,408 And I'll watch the pets. 269 00:12:34,409 --> 00:12:36,359 I brought a bunch of them inside. 270 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:37,836 (howling) 271 00:12:37,837 --> 00:12:39,212 I'm the beta. 272 00:12:44,419 --> 00:12:45,844 BART AND LISA: Are we there yet? 273 00:12:45,845 --> 00:12:47,846 Are we there yet? Are we there yet? 274 00:12:47,847 --> 00:12:49,089 Are we there yet? Are we there yet? 275 00:12:49,090 --> 00:12:51,499 Are we there yet? Are we there yet? 276 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:54,060 - Are we there yet? - Knock off that racket! 277 00:12:55,355 --> 00:12:58,064 I said knock it off! 278 00:13:00,176 --> 00:13:02,436 Mom's got the problem. 279 00:13:02,437 --> 00:13:04,053 How come we're stuck in... 280 00:13:04,054 --> 00:13:05,697 paradise? 281 00:13:05,698 --> 00:13:08,558 Oh, Zen gardens, infinity pool? 282 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:10,894 Dr. Drew on call? 283 00:13:10,895 --> 00:13:13,062 I'm just here because I can't stop Fruit Ninja. 284 00:13:13,063 --> 00:13:14,873 Die, mangoes, die! 285 00:13:14,874 --> 00:13:17,901 (grunting) 286 00:13:17,902 --> 00:13:20,862 If this is an addiction center, I'm hooked. 287 00:13:20,863 --> 00:13:22,238 Welcome to Messages. 288 00:13:22,239 --> 00:13:24,383 I am Dr. Lund. 289 00:13:24,384 --> 00:13:25,959 Doc, this prison is great. 290 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,369 Nothing but the best for my family. 291 00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:30,079 I just have one question. 292 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,708 How much does this place cost? 293 00:13:33,709 --> 00:13:36,085 Your stay is entirely funded by donations 294 00:13:36,086 --> 00:13:39,214 from tech billionaires, who feel guilty 295 00:13:39,215 --> 00:13:43,009 that their sleek, disruptive technology put you here. 296 00:13:43,010 --> 00:13:44,978 (gasps) It's free? 297 00:13:44,979 --> 00:13:48,264 Kids, we've found our summer home. 298 00:13:48,265 --> 00:13:51,184 The adults will reconnect with healthier, 299 00:13:51,185 --> 00:13:53,436 time-tested alternatives 300 00:13:53,437 --> 00:13:55,989 like eating, drinking, fornicating, 301 00:13:55,990 --> 00:13:59,108 relentless hide-and-seek, the braiding of hair, 302 00:13:59,109 --> 00:14:01,903 listening to Dana Gould's podcast. 303 00:14:01,904 --> 00:14:05,499 Four people suffocated in the Creature from the Black Lagoon's 304 00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:08,001 suit until they got it right. At least, 305 00:14:08,002 --> 00:14:10,262 - I'm guessing that's true. - (sighs) 306 00:14:10,263 --> 00:14:14,249 And you, young man, instead of playing first-person shooters, 307 00:14:14,250 --> 00:14:18,186 we are going to put a real rifle in your hands. 308 00:14:20,848 --> 00:14:22,274 Take that, Second Amendment! 309 00:14:22,275 --> 00:14:24,467 (grunting softly) 310 00:14:24,468 --> 00:14:27,979 It's time to start healing, Marge. 311 00:14:27,980 --> 00:14:29,281 I love your accent. 312 00:14:29,282 --> 00:14:31,450 I didn't know I had one. 313 00:14:31,451 --> 00:14:34,119 This is our one computer, on which you can say 314 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:37,956 auf wiedersehen forever to your old online life. 315 00:14:37,957 --> 00:14:41,943 Farewell, Instagram, Facebook and NextDoor. 316 00:14:41,944 --> 00:14:44,445 You all entertained me and scared me. 317 00:14:44,446 --> 00:14:46,131 Yes, Marge, yes. 318 00:14:46,132 --> 00:14:48,542 Cut forever the puppet strings that have made you 319 00:14:48,543 --> 00:14:51,286 dance like a psychotic Pinocchio. 320 00:14:51,287 --> 00:14:53,547 AUTOMATED VOICE: Facebook accounts cannot be deleted. 321 00:14:53,548 --> 00:14:56,716 Do not try. Do not try. 322 00:14:56,717 --> 00:14:58,718 What is wrong, Homer? 323 00:14:58,719 --> 00:15:00,979 Why the pickle puss? 324 00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:04,924 I don't know if I can live in a world without online solitaire. 325 00:15:04,925 --> 00:15:06,009 I have an answer for you. 326 00:15:06,010 --> 00:15:07,561 It's sealed. 327 00:15:07,562 --> 00:15:09,154 I will open the plastic. 328 00:15:09,155 --> 00:15:11,180 The box is shut. 329 00:15:11,181 --> 00:15:12,974 I will open the box. 330 00:15:12,975 --> 00:15:13,900 - Could you...? - (grunts) 331 00:15:13,901 --> 00:15:16,019 I-I will deal the cards. 332 00:15:16,020 --> 00:15:18,354 - And also...? - I will play the solitaire! 333 00:15:18,355 --> 00:15:21,149 (whistling) 334 00:15:21,150 --> 00:15:23,669 I need a jack, I need a jack. 335 00:15:23,670 --> 00:15:26,195 I used my phone for everything. 336 00:15:26,196 --> 00:15:28,031 Except to call the parents who gave it to me. 337 00:15:28,032 --> 00:15:30,917 You can call them now. 338 00:15:30,918 --> 00:15:32,994 Hello, Dad? 339 00:15:32,995 --> 00:15:36,089 You don't say. You don't say. 340 00:15:36,090 --> 00:15:38,207 You don't say. 341 00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:39,334 What did he say? 342 00:15:39,335 --> 00:15:40,376 He hates me. 343 00:15:40,377 --> 00:15:42,429 Okay, okay. Let's just talk. 344 00:15:42,430 --> 00:15:44,897 Any subject... except video games. 345 00:15:46,884 --> 00:15:49,102 A tear rolled down my face, 346 00:15:49,103 --> 00:15:51,938 as my avatar did the electric shuffle on her corpse. 347 00:15:51,939 --> 00:15:53,181 Yes! 348 00:15:53,182 --> 00:15:55,058 That game is awesome! 349 00:15:55,059 --> 00:15:57,202 I'm losing control, but that's all right. 350 00:15:57,203 --> 00:15:59,787 Today's therapist has many effective options. 351 00:16:00,948 --> 00:16:03,124 (gas hissing) 352 00:16:05,044 --> 00:16:07,878 The gas is never a good sign. 353 00:16:09,624 --> 00:16:12,241 I have to say, all this talk about no devices 354 00:16:12,242 --> 00:16:14,628 has really made me want my phone. 355 00:16:14,629 --> 00:16:17,580 I know, I was talking with some guys about the weather, 356 00:16:17,581 --> 00:16:19,874 and I realized I have no idea 357 00:16:19,875 --> 00:16:21,968 what the temperature is in Cupertino. 358 00:16:21,969 --> 00:16:23,878 - I need my phone. - Me, too. 359 00:16:23,879 --> 00:16:26,839 What if Krusty posted a tweet?! I must retweet! 360 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,900 - I must retweet! I must retweet! - I need my phone! 361 00:16:28,901 --> 00:16:30,927 - I need my phone! - Must retweet, must retweet! 362 00:16:30,928 --> 00:16:33,146 - Must retweet, must retweet! - I need my phone! 363 00:16:33,147 --> 00:16:35,014 - Must retweet! - (growling): I need my phone! 364 00:16:35,015 --> 00:16:37,651 - (laughs) - We can't leave! 365 00:16:37,652 --> 00:16:40,937 Studies show tech is more addictive than heroin. 366 00:16:40,938 --> 00:16:43,323 Google and TikTok say that's a lie. 367 00:16:43,324 --> 00:16:45,158 We have to be cured. 368 00:16:45,159 --> 00:16:48,069 You couldn't be more wrong, Marge. 369 00:16:48,070 --> 00:16:51,114 You couldn't be more wrong. 370 00:16:51,115 --> 00:16:54,593 Since this nation was founded, families have faced the problem 371 00:16:54,594 --> 00:16:58,171 of staying together without driving each other crazy. 372 00:16:58,172 --> 00:17:00,415 For the first 200 years, they played fiddle music 373 00:17:00,416 --> 00:17:01,841 until they had a war. 374 00:17:01,842 --> 00:17:03,710 It was a good system. 375 00:17:03,711 --> 00:17:06,087 Then, they came up with sitting around a radio. 376 00:17:06,088 --> 00:17:08,923 But without a screen, they still had time to look at each other. 377 00:17:08,924 --> 00:17:11,926 So... World War II. 378 00:17:11,927 --> 00:17:15,522 With peace came TV, which bought Silicon Valley the time 379 00:17:15,523 --> 00:17:19,308 to invent the devices that isolate us completely. 380 00:17:19,309 --> 00:17:22,979 Finally, the American family was safe... 381 00:17:22,980 --> 00:17:24,981 from itself. 382 00:17:24,982 --> 00:17:27,150 Is any of that true? 383 00:17:27,151 --> 00:17:28,943 Once I post it on Reddit, 384 00:17:28,944 --> 00:17:30,987 it will be. 385 00:17:30,988 --> 00:17:32,655 Okay, we'll just say goodbye 386 00:17:32,656 --> 00:17:34,490 and then we'll get our things. 387 00:17:34,491 --> 00:17:36,826 What's going on here? 388 00:17:36,827 --> 00:17:39,787 I thought this was a screen-free environment. 389 00:17:39,788 --> 00:17:41,381 It is, for the patients. 390 00:17:41,382 --> 00:17:44,959 But the rest of us have side hustles to perpetrate. 391 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:48,129 "I'm making $400 a day from home. 392 00:17:48,130 --> 00:17:49,964 Want to know how?" 393 00:17:49,965 --> 00:17:53,009 You're sending that spam through my e-mail account? 394 00:17:53,010 --> 00:17:56,345 (gasps) You stole her password when she checked in! 395 00:17:56,346 --> 00:18:00,158 Unlike every other rehab, this one is a scam! 396 00:18:00,159 --> 00:18:03,328 And we're gonna expose you to the world! 397 00:18:03,329 --> 00:18:04,830 I'm afraid not. 398 00:18:04,831 --> 00:18:06,498 You signed a contract. 399 00:18:06,499 --> 00:18:10,693 And every exit is guarded by a laser-detection system. 400 00:18:10,694 --> 00:18:13,079 You have lasers at a rehab center? 401 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:17,174 Let me remind you, this is an evil rehab center. 402 00:18:18,994 --> 00:18:21,011 ¶ ¶ 403 00:18:28,187 --> 00:18:29,770 (disc cracks) 404 00:18:33,675 --> 00:18:35,609 ¶ ¶ 405 00:19:02,054 --> 00:19:04,054 ¶ ¶ 406 00:19:21,723 --> 00:19:24,392 Anyone order a ride from Jupiter One? 407 00:19:24,393 --> 00:19:26,952 Ooh, I'm riding in a spaceship. 408 00:19:29,565 --> 00:19:31,249 Stick that spammer in the darkest, 409 00:19:31,250 --> 00:19:33,609 dankest cell we've got, Lou. 410 00:19:33,610 --> 00:19:35,253 The one furthest from the Wi-Fi. 411 00:19:35,254 --> 00:19:36,922 One bar, scumbag. 412 00:19:36,923 --> 00:19:39,073 One bar is all I need 413 00:19:39,074 --> 00:19:41,092 to scramble your Spotify suggestions. 414 00:19:41,093 --> 00:19:43,929 Hope you like Little River Band. 415 00:19:43,930 --> 00:19:46,122 ("Reminiscing" by Little River Band playing) 416 00:19:46,123 --> 00:19:48,124 (Wiggum humming) 417 00:19:48,125 --> 00:19:49,434 (Lund grumbles) 418 00:19:49,435 --> 00:19:51,127 (Wiggum continues humming) 419 00:19:51,128 --> 00:19:52,938 (Lund clears throat) 420 00:19:52,939 --> 00:19:56,924 (groaning) 421 00:19:56,925 --> 00:19:59,185 - (straining) - (continues humming) 422 00:19:59,186 --> 00:20:00,278 No, no! 423 00:20:00,279 --> 00:20:04,098 Please, turn the siren on. 424 00:20:04,099 --> 00:20:05,141 (siren wailing) 425 00:20:05,142 --> 00:20:06,325 LUND: Ah! Much better. 426 00:20:10,939 --> 00:20:12,982 Only 12 doughnuts for three cops-- well, there's no way 427 00:20:12,983 --> 00:20:15,368 to divide them evenly, so, uh, I'll just eat them all. 428 00:20:15,369 --> 00:20:17,111 Captain Wiggum, 429 00:20:17,112 --> 00:20:20,039 I could help you with your food addiction. 430 00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:21,708 Huh? Uh, what do you mean? 431 00:20:21,709 --> 00:20:24,711 Psychologically, you are a baby with a gun, 432 00:20:24,712 --> 00:20:26,787 sticking food in his mouth. 433 00:20:26,788 --> 00:20:30,308 Eat, eat, eat, all the day, like a schwein. 434 00:20:30,309 --> 00:20:31,959 Wow, you are such a great profiler. 435 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,054 With you, we wouldn't even need DNA evidence. 436 00:20:35,055 --> 00:20:36,815 Boy, so sick of getting criminals 437 00:20:36,816 --> 00:20:38,674 to give semen samples. 438 00:20:38,675 --> 00:20:40,485 Uh, Chief, you don't need semen. 439 00:20:40,486 --> 00:20:42,228 A lock of hair will do. 440 00:20:42,229 --> 00:20:43,896 It what?! 441 00:20:52,981 --> 00:20:56,917 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH 442 00:21:29,276 --> 00:21:31,243 Shh! 29262

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