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1
00:00:04,272 --> 00:00:06,807
That's the... C-Come here.
That's the Baron.
2
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,809
-Come on, Barry.
-Come on.
3
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:10,644
(laughing):
We are so high.
4
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,046
We're on drugblood.
5
00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,714
Put the hat on.
Oh, yeah...
6
00:00:13,747 --> 00:00:16,417
-Oh! Ugh, no.
-LASZLO: Shit.
7
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:19,587
-NADJA: I broke his half off.
-NANDOR: His bodies' half off.
8
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:21,522
LASZLO:
No, no, no, he's just coming
through the floor.
9
00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:22,990
Guillermo?
10
00:00:23,023 --> 00:00:25,059
Help us!
Don't just stand there.
11
00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:27,228
I don't think that's Guillermo.
12
00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:28,929
-Guillermo?
-LASZLO: No.
13
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:31,665
N-No, Nandor,
that's the StairMaster.
14
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,434
The master of the stairs.
15
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:35,536
-We fucked up. This is bad.
-Where's Guiller...
16
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,405
(in distance):
Guillermo!
17
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:40,408
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God. Oh, my God...
18
00:00:40,441 --> 00:00:42,576
("You're Dead"
by Norma Tanega playing)
19
00:00:42,610 --> 00:00:45,045
* Don't sing if you want
to live long *
20
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:47,581
* They have no use
for your song *
21
00:00:47,615 --> 00:00:50,218
* You're dead, you're dead,
you're dead *
22
00:00:50,251 --> 00:00:52,586
* You're dead
and out of this world *
23
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:57,725
* Now your hope and compassion
is gone *
24
00:00:57,758 --> 00:01:00,461
* You sold out your dream
to the world *
25
00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:02,863
* Stay dead, stay dead,
stay dead *
26
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,965
* You're dead
and out of this world. *
27
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:07,168
*
28
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,245
(bell tolling)
29
00:01:17,278 --> 00:01:21,115
NANDOR: We are gathered here
tonight in our backyard
30
00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:24,418
to commemorate
the second death of the Baron.
31
00:01:24,452 --> 00:01:26,820
NADJA: We are having a ceremony
32
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:28,656
to commemorate
the Baron's passing.
33
00:01:28,689 --> 00:01:29,723
Problem is, though,
34
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:31,392
we don't remember how he died,
35
00:01:31,425 --> 00:01:32,626
because we were absolutely
36
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:34,828
messed up on drugblood.
37
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:37,931
And as a sign of respect,
we have decided to bury you
38
00:01:37,965 --> 00:01:40,934
betwixt my two favorite vaginas:
39
00:01:40,968 --> 00:01:44,638
that of my wife and my mother.
40
00:01:44,672 --> 00:01:47,941
Baron, such a wonderful,
filthy times
41
00:01:47,975 --> 00:01:49,310
we did have.
42
00:01:49,343 --> 00:01:50,978
-(snickering)
-What a way
43
00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:52,680
to live your life after death,
44
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:54,448
and what a way to die.
45
00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,285
(bell tolling)
46
00:01:58,319 --> 00:01:59,687
Did we murder him?
47
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,522
LASZLO:
We, um, we might have
floated the idea
48
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:04,425
of murdering him,
but we didn't do it.
49
00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:05,659
Did we?
50
00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:07,895
NADJA:
Oh, I think something
awful happened.
51
00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:12,866
Fuck.
52
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,002
LASZLO:
Maybe we should
keep this under our hats.
53
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:16,970
If any vampires
find out about this,
54
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:18,672
then it... (quacks)
55
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:20,474
(bell tolling)
56
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:27,348
Give the Baron his last sip.
57
00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,716
-Of course.
-(Nadja humming a tune)
58
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:31,552
(Nandor and Laszlo
humming along)
59
00:02:31,585 --> 00:02:34,154
NADJA:
So just get him in.
60
00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:35,523
-Yep.
-Goodbye, Baron.
61
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:36,824
(raven squawks)
62
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:38,526
Master, there's a raven
looking at us.
63
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,228
(squawking)
64
00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,363
It is a bad omen.
It means that
65
00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:44,465
bad luck is approaching.
66
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,466
-Hey, gang.
-(all groan)
67
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,134
What's up? Oh!
68
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:48,135
Oh, my God.
69
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:50,170
Did-did you guys kill him?
70
00:02:50,204 --> 00:02:52,306
-No! No one murdered him.
-No! What... He was just...
-We found him in there.
71
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:53,674
(laughs):
I'm just giving you guff.
72
00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:56,644
And, uh, just so you know, I am
feeding on you guys right now.
73
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,412
NADJA:
You can be such a prick, Colin.
74
00:02:58,446 --> 00:03:00,147
COLIN:
I have heard that.
75
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,683
Shit.
The Baron's familiar.
76
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,552
(ravens squawking)
77
00:03:04,585 --> 00:03:06,754
There's more ravens.
They're giving me the shits.
78
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:09,223
NANDOR:
Guillermo, shield us
from the ravens.
79
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:11,091
NADJA:
The sky is filled with them.
80
00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:12,560
-No, let's just go inside.
-Let's go inside.
81
00:03:12,593 --> 00:03:15,028
Fill the hole.
Keep filling.
82
00:03:15,062 --> 00:03:16,430
GUILLERMO:
But the ravens...
83
00:03:16,464 --> 00:03:17,598
NADJA:
They're everywhere!
84
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,600
(whimpers)
85
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:22,069
There are ravens all over
the front lawn now, too.
86
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:24,905
They're trying to frighten us.
But it won't work.
87
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:26,507
-(thump)
-ALL: Aah!
-NADJA: What is going on?
88
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,509
-GUILLERMO: Master.
-ALL: Aah!
-LASZLO: Ay yai yai.
89
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,177
There's a floating woman
on the front porch.
90
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,479
She needs to talk to you.
91
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:39,353
You have been summoned...
92
00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:40,754
(thunder claps)
93
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:44,024
...to appear before
the Vampiric Council
94
00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:47,495
at the Temple
of Blood-Devourers.
95
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,264
Could you not have
just telephoned?
96
00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:52,566
We sent ravens.
97
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,202
We sent 500 ravens!
98
00:03:55,235 --> 00:03:57,204
Yes, but we have a telephone.
99
00:03:57,237 --> 00:04:00,374
I'm shocked and appalled
that you didn't raven us back.
100
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,209
We didn't know how.
101
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,478
You just say,
"Raven, we will be there.
102
00:04:04,512 --> 00:04:06,947
Thank you. Fly."
103
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:09,583
You've been invited.
104
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,118
(thunder claps)
105
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,286
(hissing)
106
00:04:15,823 --> 00:04:17,325
Couldn't you
just have telephoned?
107
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:25,299
NANDOR:
The Vampiric Council
is a very ancient organization.
108
00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:27,968
Very powerful.
And, apparently,
109
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:29,837
very scary.
110
00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:33,407
LASZLO:
They travel from
all corners of the globe
111
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:35,509
to administer supreme
and final justice
112
00:04:35,543 --> 00:04:37,645
upon any vampire
113
00:04:37,678 --> 00:04:39,780
who's violated
the Vampiric Code.
114
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:42,516
Laszlo was very nearly summoned
when he turned a baby
115
00:04:42,550 --> 00:04:45,252
into a vampire,
which is a big no-no.
116
00:04:45,285 --> 00:04:46,654
It's true.
You're not supposed to do that.
117
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:49,523
But, to be honest, I was bored.
118
00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,592
I gave it to an acquaintance
in the Bronx,
119
00:04:51,625 --> 00:04:52,826
where, I believe,
120
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,495
it remains to this day.
121
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:57,197
That baby would be about
90 years old now.
122
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,632
You really fucked up there.
123
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,200
I certainly did.
124
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:01,469
Maybe we should visit it.
125
00:05:01,502 --> 00:05:03,236
I'd rather not.
126
00:05:04,372 --> 00:05:05,939
Here it is.
127
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:08,676
NANDOR: Okay, so, obviously,
we are all on edge.
128
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,844
This could be about anything,
129
00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:14,448
-so we must say nothing
about you-know-what.
-Obviously.
130
00:05:14,482 --> 00:05:16,149
LASZLO:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa...
131
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,185
NADJA:
It is that woman.
132
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,990
LASZLO:
I think she wants us
to come inside.
133
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,658
Hello again.
134
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,228
Follow me.
135
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,197
So glad you could make it.
136
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:32,400
(clears throat)
137
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:37,270
-(elevator bell chimes)
-Oh.
138
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:41,074
Enter.
139
00:05:41,108 --> 00:05:42,510
(whispers):
How did she do that?
140
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,847
(Muzak playing)
141
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,348
-(elevator bell chimes)
-Oh.
142
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:51,985
And we're here.
143
00:05:52,019 --> 00:05:54,054
And follow me.
144
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:55,423
How does she do that?
145
00:05:57,124 --> 00:06:00,093
The Tribunal have gathered
in the Chamber of Judgment,
146
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,729
and there
you'll be put on trial.
147
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:04,331
NADJA:
Why does this hallway never end?
148
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:07,367
Well, it's just
a freaky-long hallway.
149
00:06:15,776 --> 00:06:17,845
I thought the Council
was bigger than that.
150
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,880
-Maybe we can battle them.
-Shh!
151
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:21,014
GUIDE:
Enter.
152
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,850
Not the human.
153
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,785
Vampire-only trial, Guillermo.
154
00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:29,523
What will happen to me?
155
00:06:29,557 --> 00:06:32,059
Oh, you'll see.
156
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:34,127
(laughs, coughs)
157
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,863
Sorry, I have a...
158
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,565
little blood bubble
in my throat.
159
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:38,799
(clears throat)
160
00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:40,734
You'll see...
161
00:06:40,768 --> 00:06:42,402
a room at the end of the hallway
162
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:44,271
for the familiars.
163
00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:47,374
Ludwig will take you
to the familiar lounge.
164
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,543
Ludwig. Ludwig.
165
00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:51,044
Ludwig!
166
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:52,580
I'll just do it.
Follow me.
167
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:53,914
Watch your step.
168
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:56,116
I don't have to, I glide.
169
00:06:57,818 --> 00:07:00,454
Good evening,
Your Excellencies.
170
00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:03,824
This is Vasillika the Defiler.
171
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:05,292
Hello.
172
00:07:05,325 --> 00:07:07,294
And I am...
173
00:07:07,327 --> 00:07:09,296
Garrett.
174
00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:10,798
Garrett the...
175
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,299
The vampire.
176
00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:13,333
Simple. Nice.
177
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:15,235
Hi, Garrett the vampire.
178
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,971
Now, what happened
with the Baron?
179
00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:19,840
-He's dead.
-Oh...
180
00:07:19,873 --> 00:07:22,643
-Sorry, everyone.
-It w... We didn't
make him dead.
181
00:07:22,676 --> 00:07:24,978
LASZLO:
No, it's true.
It was a misunderstanding.
182
00:07:25,012 --> 00:07:27,681
Um, as a joke, we said,
"Why not kill the Baron?"
183
00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:29,449
And if you were there
at the time,
184
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,851
-you, too, would have laughed.
-NANDOR: (chuckles) Yes.
185
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:33,453
Now we realize that it was
probably a stupid thing to say,
186
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,589
and we are truly sorry,
187
00:07:35,623 --> 00:07:37,424
and we're taking this
very seriously.
188
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:38,792
And these are our serious faces.
189
00:07:38,826 --> 00:07:42,596
Serious, serious, serious.
190
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,732
GUIDE:
Follow.
191
00:07:47,134 --> 00:07:48,335
What are you doing?
192
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:50,604
I'm warming my face.
It's so cold in here.
193
00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:52,472
Well, it's an LED light.
194
00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:55,275
-Oh.
-There's no way
we could have fire.
195
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:58,245
The fire marshals
would have a fit.
196
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:02,950
I have to say
197
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,385
we are deeply moved
198
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:07,655
by your story,
and-and maybe it's just me,
199
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:09,056
but I don't think
you're guilty at all.
200
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:10,323
-Vasillika?
-Mm, no,
201
00:08:10,357 --> 00:08:11,725
I don't think you sound guilty.
202
00:08:11,759 --> 00:08:15,028
I-I think...
they might let you go.
203
00:08:15,062 --> 00:08:17,030
Sorry, what do you mean
by "they"?
204
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,466
VASILLIKA:
The Vampiric Council.
205
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,301
You're not the Vampiric Council?
206
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,070
-(laughs)
-Oh. (laughing)
207
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:25,305
GARRETT (laughing):
No. No, we're...
208
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,506
-we're prisoners here.
-No, we have
209
00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:28,141
-been imprisoned
in this boring room
-Oh...
210
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:31,211
for... 1,000 years?
211
00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:34,081
-Oh, it's really awful.
-Since 1932.
212
00:08:34,114 --> 00:08:35,716
Mm.
213
00:08:35,749 --> 00:08:38,218
That's not 1,000 years.
214
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,554
What-what year is it?
215
00:08:40,588 --> 00:08:42,289
It's 2019.
216
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,059
We have been here for 90 years.
217
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:47,728
-GARRETT: Oh, shit.
-What did you do?
218
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:49,897
Oh, me?
Too much defiling.
219
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,065
They say I turned a baby
into a vampire
220
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:53,901
and left it in the Bronx.
221
00:08:53,934 --> 00:08:57,370
Who would do such a thing?
If I ever find out who did it,
222
00:08:57,404 --> 00:09:00,608
I will take a dagger
and stab them 5,000 times
223
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:04,111
with this hand,
switch hands, and stab them
224
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:06,213
another 5,000 times!
225
00:09:06,246 --> 00:09:09,049
I can fill up this book
226
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:12,452
with the ways I would
torture that vampire.
227
00:09:14,487 --> 00:09:16,023
Wouldn't want to be him.
228
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,992
-That poor baby.
-Poor, poor baby.
229
00:09:20,628 --> 00:09:24,464
The Vampiric Council
will see you now.
230
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:27,534
-Doesn't have to be right now.
-I mean, right now...
231
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,604
-Right now. I... They had
a break, but they're ready now.
-They...
232
00:09:35,142 --> 00:09:37,144
(door slams shut)
233
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:45,753
Hey.
Are you a familiar, too?
234
00:09:45,786 --> 00:09:47,788
Yes.
235
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:49,589
Welcome.
236
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:01,902
(bell tolling)
237
00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:05,472
This is the chamber
where you will be tried.
238
00:10:05,505 --> 00:10:07,641
You could hang...
239
00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:11,111
-Hang?
-...here, until
the trial starts.
240
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:12,780
I think we're ready.
241
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,081
-No...
-NANDOR: We are not ready.
-GUIDE: Yes. We are ready.
242
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,282
NANDOR: No, we're not...
-What? What's going...
243
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:18,351
The spectacle
of judgment begins.
244
00:10:18,385 --> 00:10:20,788
*
245
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:22,823
LASZLO:
What the hell is this?
246
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:40,507
That's very elaborate.
247
00:10:40,540 --> 00:10:42,009
GUIDE:
Since this may be
your last night
248
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,977
of existence,
the Vampiric Council
249
00:10:44,011 --> 00:10:47,347
likes to do something
a little bit special.
250
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:49,950
They rehearsed it for decades.
251
00:10:49,983 --> 00:10:51,384
*
252
00:10:58,826 --> 00:11:00,728
LASZLO:
This is very odd.
253
00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,763
*
254
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:17,510
-(music ends)
-(bell tolls)
255
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:24,551
-(bell tolling)
-What the blazes is this?
256
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:28,521
Dark greetings of the night
257
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:30,523
to all the members
258
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:33,861
of the Vampiric Council,
from all the continents,
259
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:37,530
gathered here together on...
260
00:11:37,564 --> 00:11:39,566
-(whispers): Staten Island.
-On St...
261
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:41,902
O-On Staten Island.
262
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:45,739
VIAGO:
Welcome, vampires
from near and far,
263
00:11:45,773 --> 00:11:49,542
to this here
grand Vampiric Council,
264
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:53,046
to judge over
these three accused.
265
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,416
Accused of what, you may ask.
266
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:57,751
-Murder...
-Vampire murder.
267
00:11:57,785 --> 00:11:59,787
-Vampire murder.
-Sor... vampire murder.
268
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,522
(hissing)
269
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:05,392
VIAGO:
So that's why we're here.
270
00:12:05,425 --> 00:12:07,260
I'll now introduce
the leaders of the council,
271
00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:10,563
starting here with Tilda.
272
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:12,199
Pretty much our leader.
273
00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,967
-She's the one who makes
all the big decisions.
-Hello.
274
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:17,404
Welcome, Tilda.
275
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:21,374
I am Viago Von Dorna Schmarten
276
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:23,777
Scheden Heimburg.
277
00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:25,612
This is Deacon Brucke.
278
00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:28,081
-Hello.
-Vladislav the Poker.
279
00:12:28,115 --> 00:12:29,783
We also have
280
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,251
Evan, the Immortal
281
00:12:31,284 --> 00:12:33,887
Princess of the Undead.
282
00:12:33,921 --> 00:12:35,322
You don't have to say my whole
name. You can just say Evan,
283
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,957
it's fine.
-VIAGO: Or just Evan.
284
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,758
Who else do we have?
Danny.
285
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:41,094
Hey, Danny. With his shirt off,
as usual.
286
00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:44,064
Cool Mexican tattoos
all over his chest.
287
00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:47,100
-Dark greetings, everyone.
-VIAGO: Welcome, Danny.
288
00:12:47,134 --> 00:12:50,570
-We also have Paul.
-Dark greetings, everyone.
Dark greetings.
289
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:54,107
Great to be here.
290
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:57,978
-Rob... Wh...
Is Rob here? Is...
-Couldn't make it.
291
00:12:58,011 --> 00:13:00,580
-We couldn't get Rob?
-Uh, no, I-I talked to Rob,
he didn't...
292
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,183
didn't want to come.
Want to... leave it behind.
293
00:13:03,216 --> 00:13:04,484
VIAGO:
That's fine. No, he didn't want
294
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:07,187
-to be here. Kiefer?
-I don't see Kiefer.
295
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,422
Kiefer said that he wanted
to do it, but he couldn't come.
296
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:11,524
-He was busy?
-Tom and Brad...
297
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:12,960
-VLADISLAV: Tom, not... No.
-VIAGO: Not interested.
298
00:13:12,993 --> 00:13:15,295
-Tom and Bra... Well...
-VIAGO: Not into it.
299
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:16,796
They're not committed like us.
300
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,832
It's just an availability thing.
301
00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:21,801
-Well, who is here?
-VIAGO: Calling in via Skype,
302
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:25,038
we have Wesley over there,
the day-walker.
303
00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:26,439
-TILDA: Wesley!
-VIAGO: Hey, Wesley.
-Is this working?
304
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:28,641
-VIAGO: Look at him then...
-Oh, God, not this fucking guy.
305
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:30,978
He is a vampire killer!
306
00:13:31,011 --> 00:13:33,346
Hey, he is half vampire.
307
00:13:33,380 --> 00:13:35,482
His opinion still counts.
308
00:13:35,515 --> 00:13:38,685
-Yeah, well, I'm only listening
to half his opinion.
-(hisses)
309
00:13:38,718 --> 00:13:40,720
-DANNY: Look at him
in the sunlight.
-VLADISLAV: Showing off.
310
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:42,822
-Can you hear me?
-Wesley, can you hear us?
311
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,191
-Hey, can you hear me?
-VLADISLAV: There's a lag.
312
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,894
The Skype seems glitchy.
313
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:49,129
-Hello?
-Push the mute button.
-TILDA: It looks like
314
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,364
a little microphone,
it's got a-got a ring around it.
315
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:52,532
-I'm pushing it.
-VIAGO: Can you hear us now?
316
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:55,235
I can hear you.
Dark greetings.
317
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:56,870
Okay. Great.
318
00:13:56,904 --> 00:13:58,805
Moving on. As is vampire law,
319
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:00,840
we also have
a local vampire here
320
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:04,011
on the council this evening,
Colin Robinson.
321
00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:05,412
Hello.
322
00:14:05,445 --> 00:14:07,014
What the fuck
are you doing here?
323
00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:08,715
Okay, now...
324
00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:10,817
So why are we gathered
on "Statee" Island?
325
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,020
Because one of our brothers
has passed from this world.
326
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:17,557
Baron Afanas,
also known as The Undying One.
327
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:20,827
Well, he died.
That's why we're here.
328
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,029
Call the witness.
329
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,031
First witness.
330
00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:25,832
-Oh, good grief.
-Oh, shit.
331
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:27,935
Where the hell
did she come from?
332
00:14:27,968 --> 00:14:30,938
This is Baron Afanas' familiar.
333
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:33,840
Witness number one, speak.
334
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,843
(whispers):
It's okay. She doesn't speak.
335
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:40,847
On the eve of the death
of my master...
336
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,049
(whispers):
Well, she's speaking now.
337
00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:44,517
...these three vampires
338
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:47,620
-took Baron Afanas...
-(whispers): She's speaking.
339
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:51,925
...and they let him partake
of human food.
340
00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:53,860
(vampires groaning, hissing)
341
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:56,930
We cannot eat human food.
It's gross.
342
00:14:56,964 --> 00:14:58,298
DANNY:
The fuck is wrong with you guys?
343
00:14:58,331 --> 00:14:59,566
BARON'S FAMILIAR:
Earlier,
344
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:03,236
I overheard them
plotting to murder him.
345
00:15:03,270 --> 00:15:04,938
(vampires gasping, hissing)
346
00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:06,773
She speaks the bullshit.
347
00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:09,109
We simply floated the idea.
348
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:10,910
You floated the idea
of murdering him?
349
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:14,047
-LASZLO: Yes.
-Not floated, you plotted.
350
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:16,716
-Floating and plotting
are very similar.
-WESLEY: Wait,
351
00:15:16,749 --> 00:15:19,652
-The Baron is dead?
-VIAGO: Oh, my God, Wesley,
352
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,421
-we're past that now.
-Wesley, catch up,
we're past that.
353
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,823
-Remove the witness.
-VIAGO: Yeah.
-Thanks a lot.
354
00:15:23,856 --> 00:15:26,393
-Bye, bitch.
-WESLEY: Human food?
Like-like-like
355
00:15:26,426 --> 00:15:28,561
-hamburger
or some-something like that?
-VIAGO: Wesley.
356
00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,163
We're over the human food thing.
Shut up.
357
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:31,898
We're not talking
about that, Wesley.
358
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,333
You need better Wi-Fi.
359
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,969
Move the computer
next to your router, homes.
360
00:15:36,003 --> 00:15:37,804
Hey, hey, hey.
It's not my Wi-Fi.
361
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:40,173
I got the best Wi-Fi. Okay?
362
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:42,842
I heard about one familiar
who was made into a vampire,
363
00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:46,613
and now he has a big castle
and he is really successful...
364
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:50,150
My master says I'm gonna be
a vampire in a few days.
365
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:52,585
It's only been seven decades.
366
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,988
So, have any of you
367
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:58,725
met a familiar
who's become a vampire?
368
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:01,928
Not personally,
369
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,364
never met one.
370
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:08,701
Well, I'll be a vampire soon,
and then you'll know a vampire.
371
00:16:08,735 --> 00:16:11,038
And then you can
become my familiar.
372
00:16:11,071 --> 00:16:13,673
Did anyone really like
The Baron, anyway?
373
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:16,343
-Well, I... no, I didn't
like him. He was creepy.
-I mean, I didn't...
374
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:19,979
-He was loco.
-I thought he was pretty rude
and a backstabber.
375
00:16:20,013 --> 00:16:22,049
-He was a bit of an asshole.
-Loco.
376
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:23,516
He was a psychotic madman.
377
00:16:23,550 --> 00:16:24,851
Aren't we all, though?
A little bit?
378
00:16:24,884 --> 00:16:26,053
DEACON:
He was a whackjob,
379
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:28,688
he was crazy,
but rules are rules.
380
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:30,723
-VIAGO: Now what?
-Bring in the other witness.
381
00:16:30,757 --> 00:16:32,825
-VIAGO: Now let us call
the next witness.
-LASZLO: What other witness?
382
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:35,495
-PAUL: Another witness.
-VIAGO: Witness number
whatever-it-is.
383
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,230
-LASZLO: Oh, my life.
-Guillermo.
384
00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:38,698
VIAGO:
Who's this
delicious-looking thing?
385
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:40,667
What is this?
Is this-is this lunch?
386
00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:41,901
-NADJA: Yes, it's lunch.
-No, it's not lunch.
387
00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:43,070
It's lunch.
388
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:45,838
GUIDE:
This is one of their
familiars, council.
389
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:46,973
He bears witness.
390
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,176
Did these vampires three
391
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,744
murder The Baron?
392
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,046
No, they did not.
393
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,248
Did they "float" it?
394
00:16:55,282 --> 00:16:57,984
They discussed it,
but they-they were just talking.
395
00:16:58,017 --> 00:16:59,652
They weren't going
to really do it.
396
00:16:59,686 --> 00:17:02,522
VLADISLAV:
So who murdered The Baron?
397
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:04,291
Um...
398
00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:11,298
They... It was I.
I-I killed him.
399
00:17:13,032 --> 00:17:14,501
-You did it?
-Yes.
400
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:15,702
(stifled laugh)
401
00:17:15,735 --> 00:17:17,237
It was I.
I did it.
402
00:17:17,270 --> 00:17:19,372
Okay. Unlikely.
403
00:17:19,406 --> 00:17:22,275
Don't take offense,
but you don't seem like someone
404
00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:24,511
who would be capable
of killing a vampire.
405
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,246
-But I did it.
-Uh, hard to believe.
406
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:28,047
-Well, I did.
-From maybe
a tougher-looking guy,
407
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:31,084
-I'd believe it, but...
-TILDA: I think you're lying
408
00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:32,685
-to protect your master.
-VIAGO: Of course he is.
409
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,721
This little guy
couldn't kill a vampire.
410
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:36,923
No, it was, it was me. I opened
the door and it was dawn
411
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:38,358
and then the sun came in and...
412
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,293
(stammers)
and then it happened.
413
00:17:40,327 --> 00:17:42,695
That sounds very made-up.
414
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:44,030
VIAGO:
I mean, I don't know, guys.
415
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:45,932
None of us really liked
The Baron,
416
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:48,368
so maybe we just kill
this cute little guy
417
00:17:48,401 --> 00:17:50,403
and then let
the other three go.
418
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:51,571
Send his soul to hell.
419
00:17:51,604 --> 00:17:53,373
Does anyone else
feel like having
420
00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:56,476
-a cheeky little snack?
-Sneaky snack?
421
00:17:56,509 --> 00:17:58,478
-(vampires hissing)
-VLADISLAV:
What do you think, Wesley?
422
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:01,481
Who is this motherfucker now?
This glasses motherfucker?
423
00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:02,749
PAUL:
It's lunch, Wesley.
424
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:05,218
-Lunch.
-Oh, yeah.
-No!
425
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:06,753
NANDOR:
I cannot abide by this.
426
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:08,955
-(exhales): Oh.
-Get to the point.
427
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:12,559
-Have you got a point to make?
-Listen to me.
428
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,894
-We're all listening.
-You got...
Everyone's listening.
429
00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,329
-Everyone's like...
-Everyone has stopped
what they were doing,
430
00:18:16,363 --> 00:18:17,830
we were all about to chomp down
on this guy,
431
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:20,433
and then you said,
"Oh, I'm gonna say something."
432
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:22,435
-Speak.
-It was we...
433
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:24,904
-NADJA: No.
-who killed The Baron.
434
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,506
We thought that!
That's what we thought.
435
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,775
-We-we...
-We were all discussing that.
436
00:18:28,808 --> 00:18:29,842
TILDA:
You have committed
437
00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:33,079
premeditated vampicide.
438
00:18:33,112 --> 00:18:35,014
Pass the judgment, Tilda.
439
00:18:35,047 --> 00:18:36,916
TILDA:
I pronounce these three
440
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,751
guilty.
441
00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:41,154
Raise your fangs, all who agree.
442
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:43,356
(vampires hissing)
443
00:18:46,626 --> 00:18:48,195
(cries)
444
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:49,996
The punishment is
445
00:18:50,029 --> 00:18:52,131
they will be killed
in the same manner
446
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:53,533
that their victim was:
447
00:18:53,566 --> 00:18:56,102
exposed to sunlight.
448
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,671
-Ooh!
-VIAGO: Ow, Chihuahuas.
449
00:18:58,705 --> 00:18:59,772
(snarls)
450
00:18:59,806 --> 00:19:01,508
Man, that's fucking rough.
451
00:19:01,541 --> 00:19:03,943
You gonna help us,
Colin Robinson?
452
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,545
Fuck can I do?
453
00:19:05,578 --> 00:19:07,780
GUIDE:
Follow me to your doom.
454
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,182
Don't worry.
455
00:19:09,216 --> 00:19:12,552
I've coordinated
a secret escape plan.
456
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,355
Bat!
457
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:17,190
NADJA:
Laszlo, you fucking asshole!
How could...
458
00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:19,226
-How could...
-Ludwig, get him.
459
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:22,262
Dan, get her.
460
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,966
Watch the hands, Mr. Hands!
461
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:29,636
Fucking hell!
462
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:33,072
Release my blade.
463
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:35,041
-Ooh.
-Is it welded on there, or...?
464
00:19:35,074 --> 00:19:37,009
Well, it's for
decoration, really.
465
00:19:37,043 --> 00:19:40,146
-Thank you, Ludwig, very good.
-Fuck me.
466
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,981
What is that?
Uh... Hey!
467
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:44,183
He's a vampire, he couldn't get
an ax off a wall.
468
00:19:44,217 --> 00:19:45,752
Well, you should see it.
469
00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:47,987
It's, like, welded on there
or something.
470
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:50,056
(sighs)
471
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:51,858
We have to find a way
out of here.
472
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:53,493
This is the thing
where we wa... Okay,
473
00:19:53,526 --> 00:19:56,696
I broke this, turned right, and
then we turned left to the...
474
00:19:56,729 --> 00:19:58,598
-(roars)
-(screams)
475
00:19:58,631 --> 00:19:59,766
-Stay back!
-(screams)
476
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:03,436
Oh...
477
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:04,737
(groaning)
478
00:20:05,772 --> 00:20:06,739
(quietly):
It was an accident.
479
00:20:06,773 --> 00:20:09,008
It was an accident.
It was an accident.
480
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:10,477
It was an accident!
481
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,449
So, they're being sent
into a well, and, uh,
482
00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:18,685
the sun's going
to slowly come up,
483
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,087
-and then they'll burn to death.
-It's a very horrible way
to die.
484
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:24,757
-Very dramatic way to die.
-(chuckles): Yes.
485
00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:27,294
*
486
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:29,629
(birds chirping)
487
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:32,231
(Laszlo, Nandor, and Nadja
screaming)
488
00:20:39,071 --> 00:20:40,607
That's so macabre.
489
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:42,442
They could have
at least cleared them up
490
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:44,911
before putting us in here.
491
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,946
(yelping, panting)
492
00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:50,249
(screaming)
493
00:20:52,251 --> 00:20:53,586
(hissing)
494
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:55,588
I wish I had made more
of my leadership skills.
495
00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:57,590
I could have ruled
many more countries
496
00:20:57,624 --> 00:21:01,294
-instead of dying in a well
with two perverts.
-(mouths)
497
00:21:01,328 --> 00:21:03,563
I was Jack the Ripper.
498
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,998
I've never told
anyone that before.
499
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:07,834
And I wish I'd made love more.
500
00:21:07,867 --> 00:21:10,269
Well, you did that a lot.
A lot.
501
00:21:10,303 --> 00:21:12,939
-I suppose I did.
-Yeah, a-a lot.
502
00:21:12,972 --> 00:21:15,408
I miss my horse John.
503
00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:19,145
I wish I was better to him.
And to you both.
504
00:21:19,178 --> 00:21:22,148
That's very kind of you, Nandor,
to say that, and, um,
505
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:25,985
I know we haven't got on
over the years, but, uh...
506
00:21:26,018 --> 00:21:28,955
Nope, that's it.
507
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:31,491
I hate to say it,
but I think it's gonna hurt.
508
00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:34,361
-(crying): Oh, no!
-Fucking Colin Robinson.
509
00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:37,096
-Oh, shit.
-No! No!
510
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,966
-Save me! Oh, Gregor,
I love you!
-No! No!
511
00:21:39,999 --> 00:21:42,435
Gregor!
512
00:21:42,469 --> 00:21:44,837
-Oh, my love, my love...
-(screams) I'm burning!
513
00:21:44,871 --> 00:21:46,839
(Nadja screaming)
514
00:21:46,873 --> 00:21:48,475
(gasping, panting)
515
00:21:48,508 --> 00:21:50,977
-I-It is an eclipse.
-What is that?
516
00:21:51,010 --> 00:21:53,112
Hey, dudes. It's me,
Colin Robinson, your roommate.
517
00:21:53,145 --> 00:21:55,548
-(groans)
-(whispers): Colin Robinson?
-COLIN: Yeah,
518
00:21:55,582 --> 00:21:57,650
Guillermo's here, too. He was
running around, peeing himself.
519
00:21:57,684 --> 00:21:59,285
I didn't pee myself, Master.
520
00:21:59,318 --> 00:22:01,120
-He was freaked out.
-No, I wasn't.
521
00:22:01,153 --> 00:22:03,790
So, anyway, I, uh, I was walking
by this hardware store
522
00:22:03,823 --> 00:22:05,558
and I says to myself,
"Colin, you should go in
523
00:22:05,592 --> 00:22:08,895
and, uh, see if they have
any umbrellas for the well."
524
00:22:08,928 --> 00:22:11,731
Made sure to keep the receipt,
I'm gonna probably take it back.
525
00:22:11,764 --> 00:22:13,400
You can do that
on non-food items.
526
00:22:13,433 --> 00:22:16,035
-Is he zapping our energy?
-He's taking advantage of us.
527
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:18,170
-Don't do that.
-Shut up.
528
00:22:18,204 --> 00:22:20,006
Do you not want me to stay?
I can... I'll go.
529
00:22:20,039 --> 00:22:22,409
-No, no, no, no, no! No!
-No, don't do that! No!
530
00:22:22,442 --> 00:22:24,243
(chuckles)
Just giving you guys guff.
531
00:22:24,276 --> 00:22:26,012
Yeah, I'm gonna save you.
532
00:22:26,045 --> 00:22:28,381
You guys awake?
533
00:22:28,415 --> 00:22:31,818
-(bats screeching)
-Hello?
534
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:34,086
(chuckles): Oh, no,
a roller coaster for vampires.
535
00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:36,188
(laughs)
536
00:22:36,222 --> 00:22:39,659
-Oh, no, oh, no!
Roller coaster again.
-Stop it, Colin Robinson.
537
00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:42,161
And sorry about the camera crew
at the bottom of the well.
538
00:22:42,194 --> 00:22:44,531
You're gonna want to get them
out sooner than later.
539
00:22:44,564 --> 00:22:46,298
They're in-they're in
grave danger.
540
00:22:48,234 --> 00:22:51,037
-You had a heck
of a day, too, huh?
-Yeah.
541
00:22:51,070 --> 00:22:54,106
-How long have you been with us?
-Ten years.
542
00:22:54,140 --> 00:22:56,543
I guess that's
the whole deal, right?
543
00:22:56,576 --> 00:22:58,177
That, you know,
you work for him,
544
00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:01,814
and he eventually turns you
into a, uh, a vampire?
545
00:23:04,083 --> 00:23:05,452
Yeah.
546
00:23:05,485 --> 00:23:07,454
That's the deal.
547
00:23:07,487 --> 00:23:10,089
* Can't trust his kind today *
548
00:23:13,259 --> 00:23:17,229
* Love has died
and death is here to stay... *
549
00:23:18,297 --> 00:23:19,566
(birds chirping)
550
00:23:21,300 --> 00:23:24,270
* Guess our plan can fade away *
551
00:23:24,303 --> 00:23:28,274
* On a cloud so far away *
552
00:23:28,307 --> 00:23:32,244
* Time will come
when death will pave the way *
553
00:23:34,313 --> 00:23:39,318
* Time will come
when death will pave the way *
554
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:45,291
* Time will come
when death will pave the way *
555
00:23:48,327 --> 00:23:52,264
* Time will come
when death will pave the way *
556
00:23:55,201 --> 00:23:58,170
* Time will come
when death will pave the way. *
557
00:24:05,211 --> 00:24:07,179
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
558
00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:13,119
(eerie chanting)
38441
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