Original subtitles

Good morning.

I'm glad you're up.

I'm on call at the hospital today, but I can be late.

So what do you say Phillip, how about a little cardiovascular activity

to start your day off right?

Joan, maybe I better go.

Why go?

As your doctor,

I'm recommending you stay in bed all morning.

Well, seriously I have to go home and feed my dog.

He's probably wondering where I am now.

You don't have a dog.

It's my neighbor's, I'll see you.

It was really great. - Phillip.

Please stay a little longer. - No, I have to go.

I really have to go. - Come on.

- Come here, I shouldn't stay. - I want you to stay.

No, no, no, I really.

I really, no no no.

God.

Phillip, is something the matter?

No, no, I'm just not a very good morning person.

You know it sounds to me like low blood sugar.

It's probably your diet.

You know you ought to have

a balanced breakfast this morning.

Joan, the truth is I just don't.

Yes, this is Dr. Preston.

Yes, I'll be there in 10 minutes.

I'm sorry Phillip, I've gotta go.

Mrs. Kirk's contractions have stopped

and we're gonna have to start pitocin augmentation.

Oh, that's.

I owe you one.

Get off the shirt.

You stand on my shirts, you sleep in my face.

Give me the shirt.

Phillip?

Yeah.

Can you do me a favor before you leave?

Sure.

Feed my cats.

No problem, got it covered.

Thanks, I'll call you later.

Gah, oh, come here.

Yo, Phil, hey, what do you read, huh?

Morning Walt.

Just getting home.

Did you get lucky again, huh?

Yeah, lucky.

You're amazing.

Where do you get the energy from?

I'll see you Walt.

What a life.

The man goes from one woman to the next.

He's a legend in his own time.

You're my hero Phil! - All right!

I'm home dear.

Oh, Phillip, I'm so glad, I missed you.

Let me take your coat.

Thank you darling.

Morning Phil.

Lynda, Phil's here to brag

about his sexual escapades.

Oh, that's good, thank you very much, appreciate it.

Coffee?

Oh please.

So?

There's nothing much to tell.

The usual, dinner, movie, back to her place.

I knew you'd like her, what did I tell you, I knew.

Jack, Jack, I don't wanna discuss this, okay?

What's the problem Phil?

Well, it's just, it's not right.

What's this not right thing, what are you talking about?

L.A. Magazine listed her as one of

the 10 most eligible women in this city.

Jack, don't you see, it wasn't her, it's me.

I'm the problem, I'm just so tired of dating women

I know it's never gonna work out with.

It's gotten so bad I know it's wrong

five minutes into the first date.

Well, don't you think that's a little quick to judge?

I just can't pretend I'm enjoying myself anymore.

I mean, take sex.

Sex has become something I have, you know?

You have dinner, you have the measles, you have sex.

Phil, not all of your relationships

can be a fiery romance.

Aw, how 'bout one, just give me one.

Give me a break.

You're a divorce attorney.

You must see this all the time.

Couples thinking the fire and romance lasts a lifetime

and then boom, a year later, it's over.

What I am trying to say is

you can't walk around forever looking for Ms. Right.

Why not?

What if she's out there?

You know, she's got to be out there.

What's left to believe in if I can't believe she exists?

Well, you can always believe in the Tooth Fairy.

I hear she's single.

Oh, thank you, that helps.

Appreciate it.

I don't know, maybe you're right.

I just keep thinking what if my Ms. Right

has run off with Mr. Close Enough?

Let's have a toast.

- Hey! - A toast.

To Maria, the future Mrs. General Manager of KXRX

the soon to be number one radio station in L.A.

Thank you.

So, how is my future wife?

Terrific, how is my future husband?

Great and who is gonna win the game today?

The Raiders.

Hey, you two, cut that stuff out.

Come on, you got plenty of time for that later.

Who wants a cold one, Jason, another one?

No, no, no, I've already had my limit, thanks.

Now listen, it's 12:37, that gives us exactly

10 minutes to get cleaned up here.

Now it should take us seven or eight minutes to get inside,

putting us in our seats at 12:55, ready for a 1:00 kickoff.

Hey, Glory, you never told us how Jason proposed.

Did he get down on his knees?

Oh, no, no, it's nothing like that.

It just sort of came up in conversation.

Came up in conversation?

Yeah, well, I ran out of stationary

and I was gonna order some more,

so I asked Jason if I should put

Gloria Faye Franklin or Gloria F. Franklin

or just Gloria Franklin.

And he said, "Why don't you put Gloria Faye Elliot?"

I said, "Oh, are we getting married?"

And he said, "Sure, why not, it's about time."

Then I cried, that was it.

That's the saddest thing I have ever heard.

It was very sensible.

It was very Jason.

That's what I love about him.

He's a very practical person.

Hey, I got a great idea.

How about next week, we all get together

while the men are in Vegas.

Great.

Vegas?

Yeah, didn't you know?

The men are going to Las Vegas?

Yeah, oh, you know, it's their little tradition.

It's nothing, really.

They get drunk, they gamble.

Do what boys do.

All right, all right, all right, what a move.

There's the beer, watch out.

Beers, hey.

Let me help you.

I got it.

Orange strawberry cola.

So when do you and the boys leave for Vegas?

Thursday.

It's a three-day weekend, the guys planned the whole thing.

Why didn't you tell me about it before, Jason?

I'm not supposed to be the last one

to hear about these things.

Hey, I'm sorry, you know,

I guess I just forgot to tell you.

Sorry.

Hey, there he is.

You're not sorry, Jason.

Don't say you're sorry when you're not sorry.

You were afraid.

You were afraid to tell me

because you knew how childish I'd think it was.

You know, see, honey,

what you're doing is you're making this into a big deal.

It's nothing, nothing.

Jason, this isn't even you.

Who talked you into this, Doug?

Honey, it's just a tradition that we have.

Everybody gets a bachelor party.

Oh, I see, so boys will be boys.

What if girls will be girls?

Now what's that supposed to mean?

That means how would you feel

if I went out and got lucky one last time?

Come on, honey.

The guys have the trip all planned.

What can I do?

Just why do I get the feeling

that you're not taking me seriously?

Is it because you don't think I'd do it?

Well, to be truthful, I don't.

I know you too well, Gloria.

It's just not like you.

You're a very cautious person.

Cautious.

Well, okay.

While you're in Vegas, I'll just have to see what I can do.

Don't threaten Gloria, it's beneath you.

All right, he got it.

Number 46.

Todd Christensen.

I'll take one.

Thanks.

Oh, can I have one please?

Come on big guy, up, up.

Here you go, peanuts.

Come on, up.

Here you go, up, up.

Come on wake up, smell the peanuts here.

Good peanuts, good peanuts, mm.

Come on, move, talk, anything.

Come on, up, up.

Out of the water.

No, it's no use, they aren't.

I'm sorry, were you talking to me?

You know I was just saying about the bears.

Yes?

The, um, did you, did you know

that the North American black bear lives 200,000 years?

I mean that's how old the American black bear is,

200,000 years.

That old, and it lives primarily in the region

of the Minnesota, North Dakota, and Canadian borders.

Did you know that?

No, I didn't know that.

Excuse me.

The hibernation period alone is three to four months.

Do you work here?

No, zoology, Stanford.

I just spent the last 18 months up at the Arctic Circle,

living with them, hunting with them,

learning their mating habits.

I see.

But you know the black bear is very misunderstood.

- Really? - Oh, yeah.

I mean, at first they appear to be ferocious beasts,

but once you get to know them,

they're very loving, warm animals.

You almost wanna take one home with you.

Sorry, but I don't think my landlord allows pets.

Well, that's too bad.

You sure do know a lot about bears.

Well, actually I know nothing about bears.

I made most of that stuff up.

I just wanted to talk to you.

I see.

Well, for a minute there I thought you were Marley Perkins.

No, I'm just Phil Reed.

Well, hello just Phil Reed.

And you're?

I'm.

Uh, I'm just late.

It was nice meeting you.

So, uh, what brings you to the zoo today, if I may ask?

Don't tell me you're a zoologist.

No, I'm a buyer for Saks.

What about you Phil?

I'm a lawyer, I'm 31, single, I live alone.

That's basically it.

Oh, and I love "The Honeymooners".

Hey, I love "The Honeymooners".

You've gotta be kidding me.

No wait, do you remember the one

where Norton's teaching Ralph how to play golf?

Of course.

Okay, address the ball.

Hello ball.

So how about you, what's your life story?

Oh, not much to it really.

Are you married?

Not yet.

You know there's something very important

you haven't told me.

There is?

Your name.

I don't know what your name is.

My name, I'm sorry, my name, it's Marsha.

Marsha Lyons.

Well, it's nice to meet you Marsha Lyons.

It's been nice meeting you, too, Phil.

- Listen I was wondering... - I have a confession to make.

- You go first. - No, no, no, you're good.

No, I was wondering if maybe

you could give me your phone number

and I could call you, you know.

We could have dinner or something.

Listen, Phil, there's something you oughta know.

What's that?

Be careful, I'm right here!

I'm not from around here, see.

I'm only in town on business.

I understand, listen.

It was great meeting you.

No, wait, where are you going?

Well, you're about to read from the list of reasons

why you can't go out with me, right?

You're seeing someone, you're too busy,

you're not looking to get involved right now.

Hey, I totally understand.

Take care of yourself.

No, wait.

See, uh, I don't know the number where I'm staying.

See, that's another old standard.

You don't know the number, so I give you mine,

you never call and I feel like a jerk.

No, no, that's not it.

Believe me.

Look, why don't you give me your number?

I promise, I'll call.

We've tried everything.

Marriage counselors, group therapy, sex therapy, everything.

I've done everything to hold it together.

Phil, hey Phil.

We go to trial next week?

Oh, yeah, I'm sorry, go on.

I mean I love my wife, it's just, uh,

okay, between you and me it's a sex thing.

Before we were married, she'd make love to me anywhere.

Wait, anywhere?

You know, wherever we went,

we couldn't keep our hands off each other.

It was fantastic.

But now it's strictly the bedroom.

It's taken all the meaning out of the marriage.

Well, I can understand that.

Excuse me one second.

Who was that?

Your mother, she wants you

to come to dinner next Monday.

She's got someone she wants you to meet.

Great, will you just call her and tell her I'm busy?

You already said you'd come.

Yeah, okay, uh, Larry, I think I have it all down here.

There really shouldn't be any problem with the judge,

it's a fair settlement.

I hope so, I'm trying to be fair.

I don't wanna hurt her or nothing.

I uh, I never met anybody like Margie.

I understand Larry.

Well, listen, I'll see you a week from Friday.

I'm real sorry to break it up now,

but I've got a very urgent lunch meeting.

It's a simple settlement, straightforward,

just present it to the judge, it's a piece of cake.

I don't know.

What's the matter with you today, Phil?

It's too easy.

Larry Fields still loves his wife.

I don't get it, you meet a new girl in the park

and you go haywire.

I mean what's the big deal?

She not only gorgeous, but have a wealthy father?

No, Drew, it's just, there was something about her.

I can't even describe it.

Look, have you ever just seen someone

or heard a person's voice

and known that person was meant for you?

Yeah, first time I saw Mindy from "Mork and Mindy",

you know Pam what's her name?

I don't know why I even talk to you.

You're really serious about this

love at first sight stuff, huh?

If someone asked you to describe your ideal mate,

you probably couldn't do it exactly.

But then all of a sudden you meet her

and you know, you just know.

Drew, do you know what faith is?

Faith is believing in something

when common sense tells you not to.

Yeah, well as divorce attorney,

common sense tells me not to have faith in any relationship.

Hey, Drew, I made up my mind.

I'm just not gonna see anyone else, it's only fair.

Fair, you've only known the woman for five minutes.

All right, look.

Look, what if she never calls?

She'll call.

Yeah, but what if she doesn't?

I said she'll call!

Don't look now Batman, but here comes the Cat Woman.

No sense in fooling ourselves anymore.

You sure you wanna do this?

Don't you think you better wait?

Hey, Joan?

Phil, hi.

How are you?

I'm great.

Oh, listen, I'm sorry about the other day.

I had to leave in such a hurry.

It seems we have a little unfinished business.

Oh, that's okay.

Joanie, there's something I have to say and it,

well, it's not gonna be easy.

I hope you understand.

You're pregnant.

You're doing great.

Maybe I'll just go towel off.

Why don't you go towel off?

I'll just towel off.

He'll be toweling off.

Joanie, listen, what it is that,

uh, I can't see you anymore.

Well, I don't understand.

I thought we were getting along great.

Well, yeah, we, it's just that, oh brother, this.

I'm getting married.

Married?

Yeah, I know, it suddenly just kind of came up.

Married to who?

Who?

Well, that part's not quite settled yet exactly,

it's just, what I'm trying to say is

I want to get married some day,

but I just don't wanna marry you.

It's that simple.

I'm so sorry.

It's okay.

I don't wanna marry you either.

Well, there you go, you see?

You take care of yourself.

You, too.

I'll see you later.

Bye.

I think you're making a big mistake.

All right, so they went.

Jason went with them, big deal.

Yeah, well, I never though he'd go.

I'll get you Frankie.

So what are you gonna do?

I'm not gonna do anything.

It's just the way it is.

But why?

Why is it that men can have a last fling and not women?

It's just the way it's always been, I don't know.

What ever happened to the old Gloria?

The Gloria that I went to college with?

The Gloria who jumped on stage to sing with Bob Seger?

The Gloria who never wore a watch,

whatever happened to Miss Spontaneous?

Mimi, I gave that all up when I decided to become an adult

and I wanted to get married.

That's why they call it settling down.

Just because you're marrying Jason

doesn't mean you have to stop having fun.

Jason doesn't wanna marry a college girl.

He wants a mature woman.

You're not mature.

You're afraid.

You're afraid of losing Jason.

Now, I'll admit, the guy, he's a great catch.

I only wish I met him first.

I would give up my Neiman's charge for a guy like that.

So I am not suggesting that you jeopardize yourself,

but Gloria, you can't just do nothing.

I won't let you.

I'll tell you.

I was so mad at the game that when I left

I, I met someone at the zoo.

- No. - Yeah.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

All right, now we're talking.

Oh, it all happened so fast, he was nice.

Different, but he was nice.

He gave me his number.

So call him up, have some fun.

Oh, make him spend a lot of money on you.

Take him to your folks house in Acapulco.

I can't do that.

Who says?

Mimi, that's just not the way things work.

Men do those things, not women.

Besides, I've got relatives coming in.

Oh, dammit, Gloria, you have the most irritating way

of rationalizing everything.

Now I am telling you from the depths of motherhood here,

stop playing it safe.

Go out and do something outrageous.

Get naked.

Morning Phil.

Morning Beverly.

She call?

No, and he's getting worse.

You think she'll call?

No, it's Friday.

Women don't call men on Friday.

It's like saying,

"Hi, I'm a loser and couldn't get a date, are you free?"

She won't call today.

Maybe we should do something.

Yeah, like take away his belt and shoelaces.

Whoo!

Mm, two more bottles of wine please.

Mimi, don't you think we've had enough?

- Enough? - Yes, enough.

Glory, that is your problem.

You see, you don't think you deserve

to have a good time anymore.

What is it gonna take to loosen you up?

Excuse me please, can I have your attention?

Is there a Gloria Franklin here?

- Me. - Glory?

Glory Franklin. - I'm Glory Franklin.

Could I talk to you a minute please, Ms. Franklin?

Ms. Franklin please, this way.

What's wrong?

Uh, there's been a problem I need to talk to you about.

It concerns, could I have that chair?

- Oh, wait a minute. - No, come on.

- Wait a minute! - Sit down Ms. Franklin.

Oh, you're dead, you're both dead.

- Sit down Ms. Franklin. - You're out of my will.

Forget it.

Just so there is no resisting arrest.

Good, great.

Mimi, you're a mother, stop that.

Baby.

I never get nervous

and I'm not leaving one stone unturned.

Bang, zoom!

Any person could do that.

Are you kiddin'?

What's the matter Glory?

Oh, I'm just thinking about Jason.

I never thought he'd really go.

He's probably running around with some $500 hooker

acting like a dog in heat.

Oh, no, I bet he won't.

Men just talk like that.

Sure they do.

Goodbye, Gloria.

Goodnight Glory.

Everything's gonna be great.

Sure, thank you ladies, good night.

Would you get that honey?

- Okay. - Heather?

No, no!

Hello?

- I got it, I got it. - Hey.

Hello, Gloria, wait, wait, wait.

No, no, listen, no honey, sweetheart.

Yeah, yeah, all right.

Okay, yeah, I'm cautious.

I'm cautious and you're Rin Tin Tin.

Hello?

Hello, Phil.

Yes, this is Phil.

M-M-M-Marsha?

I hope I'm not waking you.

No, no, that's okay.

I was just watching television.

Oh, yeah, it's getting late, I'll call back.

No, no, I mean it's, it's, it's all right.

I'm so glad you called.

Yeah?

Well, uh, I didn't know if I was gonna get the chance.

I've been kinda busy.

Yeah, well, me too.

Yeah, well, the reason for my call is, um,

I was wondering if you were doing anything this weekend.

Do you have any plans?

No, I don't actually.

I, uh, have no plans whatsoever.

I'm free the entire weekend.

As a matter of fact, I'm free the next three weekends.

Oh, well, good, good, great.

Because I was wondering if,

if you'd be interested in flying to Acapulco in the morning

to get some sun for the weekend?

Hello?

Are you still there?

What'd you say again?

Well, I have access to a friend's place on the beach.

I mean I'd take care of the flights and everything.

Would you like to go?

I would love to go.

I mean, it's just, I, it's kinda sudden.

Yeah, I know it's last minute and everything,

but I think it would be fun.

I'm like that, always doing things on a whim.

I think that's great, I mean sure, why not?

Oh, good.

Okay, it's all set then.

Just meet me at terminal five at 8:00 a.m.

tomorrow and we'll be in Acapulco by noon, okay?

Okay, that's great.

I, I will be there and, uh, hey, thanks for calling.

Yeah.

Bye.

There's a problem.

He says they're out of cars

and there's no record of my reservation.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

I'm sorry, I should have planned better.

Please, don't be upset.

Let me talk to him.

I'm told there's a problem.

Like I told the lady, senor,

it's the weekend and we don't have no cars.

Gee, that's too bad.

You know, come to think of it, there is my cousin's car.

Do you like convertibles?

Do we like convertibles?

Okay, last night I worked out

a little itinerary for the weekend.

It's 1:15 now, it should take us say 20 to 25 minutes

to get to the villa and that would make it 1:35, 1:40.

Now I figure...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa slow down, slow down.

What's the matter?

Well, it was beginning to sound a little

like summer camp here.

Yeah, well, I thought that...

I'll tell you what.

We'll just play it by ear.

See this, 'dis go bye-bye.

Say bye-bye.

Bye-bye.

I can't believe I haven't seen one sign.

Phil.

I think we're heading away from the beach.

Well, according to this, we're in British Columbia.

I'm not very good with those things.

I have what you call an instinctual sense of direction.

Phil, I am so sorry for this.

Sorry for what?

Getting us lost.

I should have planned better.

I thought, I thought I knew the way.

Look, if you wanna turn around and go back,

it is all right, I'll understand.

Will you relax, this is not your fault.

You mean you're not angry?

What, are you kidding me?

I'm having a great time.

Look at this, this is unchartered territory,

I feel like Magellan.

Okay, it's 1:50, the way I figure we should

be arriving at the villa oh, sometime in April.

- Phil? - Hmm?

Do you smell smoke?

No, I don't think so.

Are you sure?

Sure.

I told you, I told you.

Well, there goes its resale value.

I can't believe this is happening.

Phil, what are we gonna do?

The next town might be another 20 miles.

No problem, we'll hitch a ride.

Hitch a ride?

The only people who travel on roads like this

are drug smugglers, revolutionaries,

and the Mexican version of the Manson family.

Look on the bright side.

What bright side?

We're alone, we're together,

we're getting to know each other.

Personally, there's no place I'd rather be.

Marsha, just relax, everything's gonna be fine.

What'd I tell you?

Look at this,.

Hold it, wait, wait, wait stop!

Wait, stop!

No, wait, wait, stop.

Amigo!

Phil!

Hold it, wait, wait, wait, oh, no.

Gracias.

Senor,.

Our car caught on fire.

And normally we don't look like this,

but we need some assistance, emergencia.

We want to go to our villa.

Get in the truck.

Marsha.

That really helps, that's good.

No?

No, I don't think it worked.

Here, let me get that.

Thank you nurse.

Here, let me get some of this.

A little hygiene here.

Our car burned up.

Bob Seger y la Silver Bullet Band, "Katmandu".

What are you, hey Mar.

I don't think these guys understand.

Marsha, Marsha.

Come here.

Come on!

All right!

Hey how you doing?

Listen, we didn't mean...

Look, I think he likes me.

Yeah, all right, is this it?

This is it?

Great dancing.

Best I've ever had, thanks a lot.

Thank you, gracias.

Adios Amigos.

Adios, whoo!

Don't forget me.

I won't forget you.

Adios, hasta la-later.

Adios, gracias, gracias.

Phil, will you stop it?

No, no, no wait, keep moving Marsha,

this is going to be so... - Come on, please.

Stop it.

Stop making faces, now here.

Now come with me, walk slowly, that's it,

oh, you look great, here, hold these,

hold these, that's right.

Okay, all right, keep moving, yeah.

Oh, you're gonna love this, you're gonna love this.

Oh, it's a great camera and this place.

You're lucky to know these people.

Yeah, they're like family.

You look so beautiful.

Thank you.

What do you say we go get some dinner and go dancing?

Thanks.

What are you looking at?

You.

Why, what do you see?

The woman I've been waiting my whole life to meet.

No, Phillip, that's not me.

I mean, I am not her.

Marsha, I'm in love with you.

Oh, Phil, you can't be.

I've been in love with you since the moment I met you.

I've loved you even before I met you.

But Phil, you don't know the first thing about me.

I mean, you really don't know anything about me.

I know all I need to know.

Phil.

I do wanna thank you for being so great today.

I haven't had that much fun in a long time.

Well, if you really wanna thank me, I know a way.

You do?

Dance with me again.

Come on.

Let's not go back to L.A. to our jobs.

Let's run away together, just the two of us.

We'll buy a boat and live like the pirates.

I can't.

All right, then we'll go to Canada

and buy a cabin and join the mounties.

I just can't.

I've got commitments.

I've got a job, an apartment,

I've got clothes in the dry cleaner.

Marsha, wait!

Please wait.

What's wrong with you?

This is all wrong, I can't.

It wasn't supposed to work this way.

Marsha?

Good morning.

Marsha.

Good morning.

Marsha?

This is not funny.

I, uh, I guess this is working.

I look a mess.

Phil.

What I'm gonna says won't make much sense.

The trouble is I like you too much to continue all this.

I never planned on feeling this way,

it just happened.

You're a great guy, Phil.

You really are.

And.

This wasn't fair.

I know you're probably wondering,

"What is she talking about?"

Well, I've been lying to you Phil.

I am not who you think I am.

I'm sorry.

I am getting married in one week from today.

This was supposed to be my last fling,

but it wasn't supposed to turn out this way.

We won't see each other again.

I'm sorry.

I really am.

I gotta go now.

The taxi.

I just gotta go.

Good morning Phil.

Good morning Bev.

She never called, did she?

Oh, yeah, she called.

She called?

She called.

And that was that.

She said we'd never see each other again.

I hate to tell you I told you so Phil.

Then don't.

Phil.

You've been used.

It's been happening to women for years.

Men use intimacy to get sex.

Women use sex to get intimacy.

Only in your case, the deception was on the other foot.

But she couldn't fool herself, that was the problem.

She was falling for me, too.

Face it, Phil, she just wasn't your Ms. Right.

You're wrong, she was.

It was her.

Don't matter much now, does it?

It's over buddy.

I mean, she said she lied.

You don't know where she was from

or even if Marsha Lyons is her real name.

Face it, the woman is getting married Sunday

and you don't know the first thing about her.

It is to die for Gloria.

Your mother has waited her entire life

to see you in this dress.

When are you planning to tell me

what happened over the weekend?

I told you, nothing happened.

Nothing.

You're lying.

Something's bothering you.

Now if you don't wanna tell me, your best friend,

your matron of honor what the problem is, fine, it's okay.

I won't ask.

Would you please tell me already?

All right, do you wanna know what the problem is?

I'll tell you what the problem is.

The problem is

we're having chicken and rice for dinner tonight.

That's what's bothering you?

Did you know that we have chicken and rice

every Monday night for dinner?

No.

And do you wanna know why we have

chicken and rice every Monday night?

No.

Because ever since Jason was a little boy,

his mother served him chicken and rice at 7:30 sharp.

Every Monday.

For the rest of my natural life,

I'll be eating chicken and rice on Monday nights.

Gloria, so what?

So the man likes poultry?

Everybody's got their little fetishes.

Besides, you're not marrying him for his dietary habits.

Right.

You're right.

I am getting married because I have a good man.

One who's secure, who'll take care of me.

One who understands my needs.

Gloria, you make him sound like a tax shelter.

Yeah, well, that's what I want.

Of course that's what you want.

I mean for God sakes, Gloria,

if you look up perfect husband in the dictionary,

you find Jason's picture.

You can't do much better than that.

Right, right, you're right, thank you.

I am marrying Jason Elliot

on Sunday at 12:00 and that's final.

Mom?

Hi, Philly.

I hope I didn't pull you away from anything important

when I called.

No, Mom, I only have to be in court

at nine in the morning.

Good.

You've got plenty of time till then.

Phillip, I'd like you to meet Sonia.

Nice to meet you.

Hi.

This is Sonia's first time in L.A.

So what have you seen so far, you been down to the beach?

All right, so she has a little trouble with the language.

Mom, what are you trying to do to me?

I only thought you'd like to meet someone new.

Besides, who's so special in your life right now?

Okay.

So did you get lucky while I was gone?

Seriously, did you have a good weekend?

Yes, as a matter of fact I did.

What'd you do?

Oh, the usual, flew to Acapulco,

had a wild affair, came back yesterday.

With anyone I know?

I don't know.

His name's Phillip Reed, have you ever heard of him?

Phillip.

Can I ask you a question?

Sure, Mom.

Now I want you to know, you can tell me anything.

I'm your mother.

Ask Mom.

Phillip, are you gay?

What?

I'm only asking.

Mom, why do you think I'm gay?

You never like any of the women I introduce you to.

So I got to thinking.

No, Mom.

What?

Well?

Well, what?

Are you?

No, Mom, I'm not gay, all right.

I'm only interested because I want you to know it's okay.

I just want you to be happy.

I'm happy.

Oh, Philly, rich and successful doesn't mean a thing

if you don't have anybody to share it with.

You see, I was lucky.

For a while I had your father.

You know what I'm saying.

I think so.

But our time passed.

I just don't want you to be lonely.

I know.

So, why don't you come to dinner next Friday?

Sure, Mom.

As the eye reads seven,

the Trojans, nothing, 249 to play.

And what's for dessert?

You know, Gloria, what do you say next week,

we have lemon chicken and rice pilaf?

You know it's more efficient

if you put the dishes in this direction.

I thought we went over this.

Sorry, I must have forgotten.

Well, these things are important Gloria.

How important is it?

How important is it to our relationship

that the dishes be placed

in an exact order in the dishwasher?

Well, Gloria, I'm just trying to show

a way to get the maximum number of plates into the machine.

Well, Jason, have you ever thought

that maybe I like to put the dishes in this way?

Or that maybe one day, I may wanna put them in this way.

Or maybe even.

This way.

Ha, they still get clean don't they?

But, see I don't understand

why anyone would wanna put dishes in differently every time.

I know you don't understand.

It's called spontaneity, it's called being frivolous.

It's called having fun with the dishwasher.

Are you all right?

Yeah, yeah I'm sorry.

Oh, good.

All I was trying to say

is there's a right way and a wrong way.

One of these days, Jason, bang, zoom, to the moon.

He's not here.

What the hell we gonna do?

First, he'll be here.

I told you he'd be here, he'll be here.

Second, I passed the bar, I know what I'm doing.

Yeah, well, I got a brother who passed the bar

and he don't know litigation from constipation.

Hello Marge.

Larry.

Here we are.

You look great.

It's about time, we better get inside.

I'll talk to you after.

All right.

Who cares?

Becky.

Yo, Phil.

There he is, hey!

It's me, what do you read, it's Walt.

Walt?

I didn't recognize you away from the stand.

Phil, hi, look, I would like you to meet my wife Sophia.

Pleased to meet you.

We are celebrating our 30th wedding anniversary today.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

How come you're not in court

defending some beautiful young divorcee?

Oh, no, that part of my life is all over Walt.

No more divorcees, no more blind dates,

no more one night stands, it's over.

Am I hearing you correctly?

Is the man, the king, the womanizing machine hooked in love?

Remember you have a responsibility to your fans.

You're a legend in your own time.

Walter, can't you see he's serious?

What's the matter Phil?

Sophia, you and Walt have been married for 30 years.

I mean, did you think at the time

that it would last this long?

No, we didn't, not when we first met.

But we knew we were made for each other.

You knew.

All right, so she took a little convincing.

Convincing.

The man wouldn't take no for an answer.

Finally I got worn out.

I agreed to one date.

Two weeks later, we were married.

Do you really love this girl, Phil?

Yeah, I do.

Then what's the problem?

There's a few complications.

What complications?

You know what, what you have to learn

is to get what you want, you have to overlook complications.

The trouble is is that you guys, you think too much.

You have these important jobs,

fancy sports cars, nice apartments,

but one day you're gonna learn that what is really important

is that certain people belong together.

Like me and Sophia.

Phil, I just hope that you don't learn too late.

Well, good luck Phil, have a nice day.

Come on honey, I'll buy you a malted.

Yes, Your Honor, yes, okay.

Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen,

Mrs. Fields.

Mr. Fields.

Learned colleagues, friends of the court.

Let me begin by...

I'll take it from here Drew.

Thank you God.

Are you all right?

Your Honor.

Over the last few months,

I have gotten to know my client Larry Fields pretty well

and I would like to know that I like him,

and also during that time I've gotten to know

through the stories and words of Larry there,

his wife Marge Fields.

Now normally in such cases as these,

it wouldn't be a pretty picture, but it was,

which brings me to my point.

Your Honor, I would like to cite the case

of the North American black bear.

Mr. Reed, what does the case of the black bear

have to do with this case?

For well over 200,000 years, the black bear has survived.

Well, I have discovered the reason for their survival.

Monogamy.

Monogamy, Your Honor.

For every male bear, there is one and only one female bear,

a mate for life.

When they first meet, they don't have to go out

to get to know each other.

There is an immediate bond.

Bears monogamous?

I thought it was wolves and ducks.

Who cares?

This is all very interesting counselor.

Now setting aside for a moment,

the extent of your somewhat rhapsodic zoological license,

I trust this is leading somewhere.

What I'm saying, Your Honor,

is that man, too, has this bond.

Call it love, call it instinct, call it whatever you want,

but I'm talking about something

that's bigger than all of us.

I mean how often have we seen couples

come into this court where there still is a bond,

but it's being ignored for so-called more important things

like custody of the dog or who's gonna get the Mercedes.

All of a sudden there's this problem

and they say okay, that's it, no more, it's over.

Well, it's not over.

They have forgotten about the bond.

They have forgotten that they were meant to be together.

Well, I'm saying to you look at the bears.

It's not over for them and it's not over here either.

Not for me, not for the Fields.

There is love here, Your Honor.

I'm asking that you not consider our case at this time

to let the Fields reconsider.

What's he saying?

Shh.

We will have order.

I don't believe this.

Your Honor.

I object.

Overruled.

Well, Mr. Reed, this is an unorthodox request, very unusual.

At the risk of losing both your reputation and your client,

you have spoken the truth.

Therefore, I have decided to reschedule this hearing

in four months' time,

allowing the couple a chance to reconsider.

Just wait.

- Phil. - Sorry.

Phil.

Phil!

Phil, where you going?

I'm going to find Marsha.

Marsha?

You don't know the first thing about her.

You haven't got a clue.

What's her address, her phone number?

Phil have you ever thought about the fact

that you met her at the zoo and her last name is Lyons?

Lyons, Phil, come on, you don't even know her real name.

I got your briefcase.

Oh, God.

Don't shoot.

Please don't shoot.

You're right, you're absolutely right.

Here, take my watch, I don't need it,

I have another one at home.

Money, money, you want money?

Oh sorry!

Police.

Oh, thank God, it's all right, I am an attorney.

No, you don't understand, I went to law school.

I passed the bar.

Michigan '79.

Hello.

Phil, hey, Phil, wake up.

Drew, thank God you made it.

Excuse me.

What's going on?

Don't ask questions, just put your coat on.

So how'd you do it?

Let's just say I paid off the mortgage on the man's home.

Nice meeting you.

Will you come on?

Flight 459 departing for San Diego.

Try C-I-A.

You risk your license, my license.

How about S-H-A.

My God, bribing an officer of the law.

Try M-A-R-S-C-H-A.

I could go to jail for that

and I don't make friends as easily as you do.

All right, what about on the west side?

I must have been crazy listening to you.

Phil.

I should have left you in jail.

Now you're, you're sure then?

- You gotta stop. - Try Malcolm Franklin.

- You gotta stop this. - M-A-L-C-O-L-M.

Promise me you'll stop this.

Oh, that's good, okay.

I'm gonna try that, thank you operator.

No, don't rip the phonebook, everybody, what is it?

Hello.

Hello, Mrs. Franklin?

Yes.

I'm looking for you daughter.

Oh, I'm sorry, she doesn't live here.

She lives downtown.

Can you tell me where,

it's very important that Marsha and I speak.

- Who? - Marsha.

I'm sorry, you made a mistake young man.

I haven't got a daughter by that name.

Wait, your daughter is getting married isn't she?

Well, yes, she is.

What's this all about?

Mrs. Franklin, it's very important

that I talk to your daughter.

It is vital that I see that she not get married.

Not get married?

What are you saying?

Will you please tell me what this is all about?

Please, Mrs. Franklin, it's a long story.

See, I was at the zoo.

You don't even know my daughter's name.

I'm sorry, I can't help you.

No, no, no, no, I'm running out of time.

Rick!

I want you out of my home.

You've gotta tell me where she is.

Ricky, come here.

Ricky, who's Ricky?

I am.

Hey, Ricky, what's happening?

You must be Marsha's brother.

What's the problem, Mom?

Oh, no problem, I'm an attorney.

Can I help youse?

Yes, you can.

I have a few people I'd like to send flowers.

You deliver, is that correct?

As long as it's within the city limits, no problem.

What's the occasion?

Uh.

I mean, is there a particular flower arrangement

that you had in mind?

See, we got the fall festival,

we have get well bouquets, white roses, red roses.

Roses.

Red roses and I want this message.

"Marsha.

"Don't marry him.

"I love you.

"Please call Phil."

Okay, "Marsha don't marry him.

"I love youse.

"Please call Phil."

You got an address on this?

Send them to every Franklin.

To every Franklin in L.A.

What is this, some kind of a joke or something?

What, what.

All right.

All right, all right papa.

Yes, this is Phil Reed.

Papa Dapa?

Papadopolous?

The florist, yes, what's the problem,

I don't wanna tie up the line.

Hazard pay for deliveries?

All right, all right, that's fine,

hazard pay for, and overtime.

Look, I don't care what it is, just bill me.

No, it's not raining here.

So, who's sending my wife flowers?

Not me, sir, it was a Phillip Reed sent these flowers.

Reed?

Reed?

Say!

You tell Phillip Reed

to stay away from my wife,

you hear me? - Yeah, yeah!

You tell him I ever see him,

Phillip Reed is a dead man.

- Hello? - Oh hey honey.

What are you doing home?

Hello, Mom.

Yeah, I know it's Saturday night, Mom.

I just didn't call anybody, that's all.

Mom, Mom.

Mom, yes, everything's all right.

I just don't wanna talk too long, I'm expecting a call.

A girl, okay?

Hello?

I love you too, Mom.

What do you think?

Well, honey, it's different.

They can't be this early.

I mean, I'm not ready.

It must be your parents.

My parents are never this early.

It's all right, I'll get it.

Yes, who is it?

Delivery for Franklin.

Yes, I'm Franklin.

Thank God.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah.

Thank you.

Who is it?

No one, no one, it's flowers.

Oh hey, nice.

Who are they from?

Well, uh, I don't know, there's no card.

You sure?

Yeah, yeah, I mean I looked.

I see.

Jason.

What are you thinking?

All right, I confess, they're from me, I sent them.

What?

Gloria, it's the little things that remind us

just how lucky we are to have each other.

Phil, you're getting obsessed,

will you look at yourself?

Jack do something, do something.

I mean he's gone off the deep end.

I mean the blood has run out of his hand

he's holding that phone so tight.

Hey, listen, don't you two have anything better to do?

I mean why don't you go on back to your own apartment?

Look at the two of you.

You're sitting there like Ward and June Cleaver.

It's kinda nauseating.

Phil, come on, we're only trying to help.

Phil, what are you trying to do?

You wanna stop this woman from getting married?

Yes, as matter of fact.

How do you know she doesn't wanna get married?

Did you ever think that maybe she loves this guy?

Phil.

You have got to stop this crazy notion

of running off with some charmed princess.

No, I'm not gonna give up.

Don't you understand?

I feel that this is some sort of test that God

is putting me through so that he knows I'm worthy of her.

Will you listen to him?

He's sounding like Luke Skywalker.

Don't you see Jack?

She's everything I always thought

I'd spend the rest of my life with.

She's intelligent, she's funny.

She's engaged.

She's beautiful.

She's engaged.

My God, she even likes "The Honeymooners".

And she's engaged.

All right, everyone has their faults,

but I'm big enough to overlook them.

Honey.

Hey.

Jason, not tonight okay?

What is it, honey, what's the matter?

Nothing.

I just think we should wait.

Wait?

Till after.

A little late for that Gloria.

I know, I just think we should.

I'll go sleep on the couch.

Oh, no, no, honey, I'll, I'll sleep on the couch.

You sure?

Positive.

Good night.

Besides we have the rest of our lives.

Hello?

Marsha?

I wanted to thank you for the flowers.

I've got to see you again.

That's impossible.

We've got to talk about what's happened.

I refuse to do it over the phone.

You have to meet me.

No, Phil, I can't.

There's nothing left to say.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.

That's not good enough.

I have to see you again.

You've gotta forget about me.

I'm coming over.

No, Phil, you can't do that.

Then meet me somewhere.

Phil.

Phillip, down here.

What, wait there.

No, don't come down here

or I'll be gone before you get here.

I can't stay long as it is.

Jason thinks I'm out jogging.

Jason, your fiancee?

Yes, yes, Jason Elliot.

The man you're marrying

even though you're in love with me?

Yes, I mean no.

I mean Phillip, please,

don't confuse me any more than I already am.

Then you do love me?

Oh, Phillip, it can't work.

We've already paid the caterer, we've paid the florist.

I don't believe this.

We have reservations in the Bahamas.

Oh, well, there's a good reason to get married.

Phillip, Jason and I have been seeing each other

for a long time.

Will you listen to yourself?

We're close.

We've worked on our relationship.

We, we have a lot in common.

You sound like Self magazine's list

of 14 things to look for in a mate.

What about the fact that we belong together?

What about the fact that you're in love with me?

Phillip, how would Jason feel if I just ran away with you?

Dammit, what about you?

What about how you feel?

I can't, I just can't, this isn't right.

I'm sorry, I've gotta go.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You've said everything

but that you really love this guy Jason.

Now if you really, really do love him,

just say goodbye and you'll never see me again.

Phillip.

I don't want to have to.

Just a simple goodbye.

Marsha.

All right.

Marsha!

This is not a goodbye.

That was clearly not a goodbye.

Can I help you, sir?

Is this Jason Elliot's building?

It is.

Thank, whi, which apartment?

Who may I say is calling, sir?

This is an emergency.

I'm not at liberty

to give out an apartment number.

Please, lives are at stake.

I'm only allowed to give out an apartment number

under the following conditions A, when and only when...

You don't understand.

I'm talking life and death here.

There is a direct request from the current resident.

Human lives, have you no compassion?

B, the request comes from official carriers,

such as UPS or Federal Express.

C, there are...

Good God, man, I'm an attorney.

Oh, why didn't you say so?

Third floor, east wing, apartment 3A.

Oh, good, hold it, hold the doors.

Please.

I'll drive.

Hi, can I help you?

Uh yeah, I'm Phillip Reed and I'm looking for...

Oh, are you, are you a friend of Gloria's?

Glory, Gloria, yes.

Yes, I'm an old friend of Gloria's.

I'm just, I'm in town on business.

You know it's too bad, but you just missed her.

We're getting married today.

I know.

I mean I didn't know, but I know how lucky you are.

I mean she's a terrific lady.

I keep asking myself how's a guy like you

marry a wonderful woman like her?

Well, thanks a lot.

Listen, I'm terribly sorry,

but I have to be at the hotel downtown in an hour,

the wedding's at noon, so you will excuse me?

Downtown, downtown, yeah, sure okay.

And I will be sure to say hello to Gloria.

Phillip Reed?

Phillip, Phillip Reed.

Phillip, Phillip, Phillip Reed.

Okay, Phillip, Phillip Reed.

Jack!

Oh come on.

Oh, God, oh, my God, Jack.

Morning Phil.

Jack, Jack!

Jack!

Hi, Phil.

Jack, you gotta help me.

Your Jeep, where's your Jeep?

Well, Lynda took it shopping.

Here she comes now.

Help us with the groceries, okay?

Lynda!

Would you come on, hurry.

Are you in some kind of trouble Phil?

- I'll explain later. - Huh?

- Lynda, this is an emergency. - I'll drive.

You gotta drive me.

Where do you wanna go?

I don't know, I don't know.

Buckle up sweetheart.

Let's try the Hilton.

Okay, Phil, what's going on?

I think we're going for a little ride.

Hurry, hurry.

Just move, move, move, just go.

Go, go, go, Jack hurry, please move faster, go faster.

This is all about Marsha, isn't it?

Yeah, she's getting married in oh, my God, 35 minutes.

Phillip, there comes a time when you have got to face...

Just shut up and drive Jack.

Turn, turn, turn, turn, turn.

Hurry, please move faster, go faster.

Go, go, go, go.

All right move it, move it, kick this thing.

Come on Jack, make it go.

I can't believe the two of you are making me do this.

This is crazy.

All for some woman you met at the zoo?

Would you just drive Jack?

Can't you see the man is in love?

Right here, turn, turn, turn, turn, turn.

All right, it's right in here.

Pull around, let me out up front, all right.

Jack, no not, just pull around.

Keep going, keep going, I wanna if see the weddings in here.

Right here, right here, slow down,

slow down, come on let me out.

Right here, Jack, will you stop the Jeep?

All right, just stop it right here, let me see.

Wait here for me.

Good luck Phil.

What?

Listen my absolute favorite ride is the mountain ride.

Now it may be a little

scary for the kids. - Miss, excuse me.

- But oh, it's such a rush. - Ma'am.

Is the Franklin wedding here?

Excuse me, I'm taking care of this family.

Please I'm late, you don't understand.

Elliot, that's Elliot Franklin,

Franklin Elliot, doesn't matter.

Just a moment please.

I'm sorry, I just need to know, it's very important.

I am taking care of these children.

Lady please.

- No! - You may need this.

It is a wedding you know.

No, it's not here, come on, let's go.

I'm leaving.

Come on Jack, let's move, move.

Wait a minute.

I was wrong, it's not here.

I know I'm gonna go to jail for this.

Try the Bonaventure.

Monday, I want you to call a friend of mine,

he's a doctor.

By the way, Phil, where is your car?

At the zoo.

Oh, of course, I should have guessed, how silly of me.

Right in there, right in the drive right,

come on Jack, right here, right here,

all right, just let me out, let me out, stop.

Wait, please wait.

Marsha.

Marsha.

No, Marsha, Marsha wait.

Wait, Marsha, Marsha.

You're, I'm sorry, excuse me, I'm so sorry.

I think I made a terrible mistake.

I didn't mean to interrupt this wonderful day

for you all, excuse me.

It's just that I'm terribly late.

Wait, Jack.

Will you wait?

Wait, watch it, watch it, hold it, hold it.

Come back, Jack, Jack.

Okay, let's go, floor it, move!

Right here, go, go, go, go, go, go, go,

come on turn right up here.

Will you stop wasting time?

What are you waiting for, Jack?

I'm running out of time with your helping.

Just go around this guy?

Don't be a wimp.

All right, I've had enough.

That's it, it's all over.

I can't live like this anymore.

It may come as a surprise to you,

but I've got a life of my own.

Enough!

Oh, God, oh, God, thanks anyway Jack.

Good luck Phil, good luck.

Oh, God, oh, no, oh, God.

Well, I don't know why she'd say that.

Excuse me sir, sir, excuse me.

The Franklin wedding,

is it here? - I wouldn't do

something like that.

Please, the Franklin wedding.

I would if she'd let me.

The Franklin wedding.

Oh, the Empire Room.

Thank you.

It's got a name tag right on the chair.

Hey, watch it, watch it.

What's the matter with you?

- Excuse me! - Excuse, excuse me.

Freak.

What a pervert.

Where's the Empire Room?

That's the east wing.

At the elevator, take a left,

go down to the end of the hallway, take another left.

Keep going to get to the fire escape,

take a right, then a left again, you can't miss it.

At the elevator go left, down the hall,

take a left at the fire escape, go left then right?

- Right then left. - At the fire escape?

Right.

Which elevators?

Back there.

Right.

Oh, and Doody what would a wedding be without you.

I'm so glad you could come.

Gloria will be so...

Ms. Franklin, how are you?

Oh hello.

Do you remember me?

I'm Phil Reed, Gloria's attorney friend.

I was wondering if you could tell me where she is.

I still need to speak to her.

Look, I don't know what this is about,

but you'd better leave here this instant.

Jason.

Only for after.

That's him.

Come on. - She really wants

to talk to me. - Let's go.

Hey you!

Terrific.

- Hey you! - Jason, do you know that man?

Excuse me.

Very interesting man.

Gloria met him at the zoo.

Freeze.

You won't believe it.

This is ridiculous.

Yes, hello, this is the florist and I'm terribly late.

I have Ms. Franklin's wedding bouquet

and she needs it immediately.

The hospitality suite, I see, and where is that?

Thank you.

Larry, Marge?

Phil, what a surprise.

We wanted to thank you, you know, everything you did for us.

If it wasn't for you, well what can we say?

Oh, you going up?

You look gorgeous.

Glory, loosen up, this is not a funeral.

Gloria!

Oh my...

Where the hell have you been?

Relax, dude.

Do it.

Great.

No, Gloria.

Don't do it, Gloria, look up.

Oh, God, no, Gloria!

Heya!

Ow, ow, ow, ow.

You look beautiful.

Oh, Phil.

Can we talk or is this a bad time?

Daddy, I'll be right back.

Gloria.

You don't stop, do you?

You're really going through with this?

Please, Phil, be happy for me.

You can still run away with me, there's still time.

That's impossible.

All these people are waiting.

Jason's waiting, the minister.

Aunt Doody came all the way from Portland.

It is out of my hands Phil, please understand that.

No, no, I'll never understand, come here.

Look, you keep telling me

that you have to do this, but you don't.

Do what Gloria wants to do.

Lead your own life, not someone else's.

Phil.

Wait, wait, listen to me, listen to me.

Make a decision.

Come away with me and live your own life

or get married for Aunt Doody from Portland.

Gloria, Gloria, they're waiting for you.

Goodbye Phil.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.

Goodbye.

I love you.

I've always loved you.

I always will.

I love you too, Phil.

Oh there she is.

Well, fellows, I came close didn't I?

I met her.

Gave it my best shot.

It was so great.

That ought to last me for a while.

Did you know that the North American black bear

is over 200,000 years old?

And it lives primarily along

the Minnesota, North Dakota, and Canadian borders.

You must know a lot about bears.

Oh, yes.

Zoology, Stanford.

Excuse me, but aren't you Marlin Perkins?

Oh, you recognized me.

Well, the dress did have me fooled for a minute.

You're not from around here are you?

Oh, no, sorry.

But I did spend a lot of time

in the Arctic circle, you know.

Excuse me, just one sec.

What?

- Aww. - Aww.

That was great, thank you.

I feel so much better.

Now what were you saying?

Um.

I don't remember.

You know of course that bears

are monogamous for life?

No, is that true?

I don't know, but it sounds good.

Well, Phil, where do we go from here?

Anywhere.

Anywhere but...

Acapulco.

Right.

See, I'm wanted there.

You're wanted here.