Original subtitles

When a man buys a ticket for a Magical Mystery Tour, he knows what to expect

We guarantee him the trip of a lifetime - and that's just what he gets

The incredible Magical Mystery Tour!

Ceaseless nagging! - Come on, we're going to be late

I can't go any quicker!

Stop it! - Come on!

Richard B. Starkey and his Aunt Jessica are always arguing about one thing or another

Oh, I'm going! - Oh, go! Go on!

And on a Sunday with the weather looking up you'd think they'd have given it a rest

For goodness' sake, stop sitting down! - All right, all right, what's your hurry?

But no - on and on they go

"Good morning" said Richard. "Good afternoon. sir", said the courier

They were Sate

'Allo, Flo, you all right, girl? I'll sit here

Yes' I'll have the window seat - All right, so you'll have the window seat!

Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls

Welcome to Magical Mystery Tours!

I am your courier, Jolly Jimmy Johnson!

All my friends call me Jolly Jimmy - and you are all my friends!

Over here is your hostess, that lovely, delightful, delectable... Wendy Winters!

And over here, our driver for the trip, that wonderful driver, we hope...

Alf! Off you go, Alf! Here we go now. Splendid!

Fasten your safety belts, please. Away-way-way we go!

Away we go, Alf, splendid! Very comfy in the back there, is it? Lovely

I say it's lovely. Get your popcorn out!

Right hand down. There we are, splendid' And away we go

Anyway, I'll tell you something' you ain't coming away with me any more

Who bought the tickets for this trip? I did - Yeah, with my money. I gave you the money

I'm taking you out. You're not taking me anywhere. Remember that

And you've done nothing but eye all the fellas on the coach since we got here

I dunno, since Uncle Jack died, you've never been the same

Of course I ain't, I ain't got Uncle Jack, have I? - I remember him... I remember him...

If I ain't got him, I've got to get somebody else. You should know, you're old enough at 21!

You should do a bit of knitting. Do you good - Who for? You?

Should I knit for you? - No, don't knit for me

Who is that man?

Oh, that's Mr Bloodvessel. He's quite harmless, he comes on all the trips

He thinks he's a courier

Last trip, he thought he was the driver

Well, you know when I saw your first film I really thought you had something

But it was... - I was only about six...

Wasn't it "Blue Lady"? "Lady in Blue"? Something like that

How old are you? - Myself, I'm 30...

but I look a little younger due to the Fair Isle sweater which...

Excuse me, sir, I'd like to take a photograph of the young lady. Do you mind?

I don't mind if Miss Gabriella doesn't - Well, Miss Gabriella doesn't mind

Can I have you up there?

My lucky day!

Good morning, lads and lasses. My name is Miss Winters

Good morning Miss Winters, Miss Winters, Miss Winters!

Yes, I just wanted to say if there's anything I can do for you, you know what to do

We at Magical Mysteries only have your best interests at heart...

and your every wish is our command

As the bus leaves the town behind and heads for the country...

everything begins to change

Well, almost everything

And already the magic is beginning to Work

(The army sergeant is speaking unintelligible nonsense)

Jolly good!

(Still speaking nonsense)

Why? - Why?

Why?

(Still speaking nonsense)

...and get your bloody hair cut!

Jolly good, Sarge, carry on

On your marks... Get set...

Go!

Second gear! Come on!

Who's getting in that car? Who is it?

Come on, come on. We've gotta win those with the bikes!

Stop it! Out of the road, you stupid... He's picking the vicars up!

Hold on, we've got 'em now, folks!

If you look to your left, ladies and gentleman, the view is not very inspiring

Ah... but if you look to your right...

Beyond the blue horizon, far above the clouds v

in a land that no-one knows...

live four or five magicians who spend their days casting wonderful spells

Come with me now into that secret place where the eyes of man have never set foot

Where's the bus?

Where's the bus?

Where's the bus?

It's coming

Where's the bus?

The bus?

The bus is ten miles north on the Dewsbury road

It's only ten miles away.

Bus“. ten miles! Soon be here

Oh, ladies and gentlemen, quickly, look to your left

Now there you see the ancient Roman ruins

Now they really have been there an awful long time

They are in fact a little difficult to see because they're almost flattened to the ground...

Meanwhile, back on the bus, things are happening - and life lobbies on

Indeed, the magic is so powerful that even Mr Bloodvessel emerges from his shell

He turns to speak

If I may take the liberty, Mr...

Be my guest - Give over!

My dear lady...

My clear lady, doesn't intuition tell you what I feel?

Don't interrupt.

You bring out my...

I... love you!

Love you! Love you!

I am the courier

Good morning, men... and women

Welcome. I am your friendly courier

Mr Bloodvessel is my name

Buster Bloodvessel

I am concerned for you to enjoy yourselves...

within the limits of British decency

You know what I mean... don't you?

Well? Don't you?

Yes, Mr Bloodvessel

What about Five little dickie birds sitting on your head...

one named Charlie and one named Fred - Yes

Do that one then - You do it with me

OK. Five little dickie birds sitting on your head, one named...

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, whoops! Charlie, whoops! Charlie, Charlie...

Can you do that one? - No

Yes - No!

I've got a present for you. Do you know what it is? - No

Have a guess - No!

Go on, have a guess - No

Have a guess! - No!

Well you're going to get it anyway

What's that? Wait a mo, wait a mo

Do you want to blow it? - No

All right, should we give it to George? - Yeah

There you are, George - Thank you

George, George, George, George, Oops! George, Oops! George, George...

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

Our estimated time of arrival for luncheon is approximately 1:15. Thank you

Now shut up! - Shut up?

I've had enough of it. I can't stand it any more! I'm getting off! Off!

Don't get historical!

Aunt Jessie's hungry

And she's dreaming

She's dreaming about food... food, food

Beautiful food

Oh, lettuce (food) ,

potatoes (food) ,

apples (food)

Oh, lovely food

Lots and lots of spaghetti

This time I mean it!

I can't breathe any more. It's too much

All this.“ mud... in 45 minutes!

I can hardly get my breath!

It's intake, Jessie, not output

lam, I am!

I am already! Three times this week already!

For goodness' sake, Jessie, sit down. Remember!

I don't care! This is the way he would have wanted it

Pirandello! Help me up the stairs

Yes, lady

Wake up, Jessie

There's no business like show business, there's no business I know

Everything about it is so appealing

Let's go on wit' show

Ta da!

Here we are again! Everybody up and quickly in your seats

Well, well, well They are a happy crowd

Go on. Come along, back on the bus. Come on

Ooh... Wonder what the magicians are cooking up now!

Ready!

Tea up, fellas

Ooh, talk about your magical mysteries, I've spent half an hour looking for that sugar!

I was half an hour looking for the sugar

ls there one for me? - Aye, there's one over here, Richard

Oh, how are you, Bonzo? All right? Any news of the bus?

The bus? It's ten miles north on the Dewsbury road

And they're having a lovely time

They're having a lovely time! They're having a lovely time!

Can you tell me what's next on the agenda?

A song

No! No!

Not you... them! On the bus!

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts! - Have you then? Ah!

There they are a-standing in a row!

Come on, join in. What's the matter with you?

Toot Toot Tootsie goodbye! ,

Val-deri, Val-dera, Val-deri, Val-dera-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.V.

When Irish eyes are smiling ,

Ladies and gentlemen, when the coach stops...

would the gentlemen please follow Mr Johnson and the ladies stay with me

Here we are now, off we go

In for a jolly evening with Jolly Jimmy. This way!

Everybody comfortable?

Come on, where are they?

And that was a Magical Mystery Tour

I told you. Goodbye