Original subtitles

What did the doctor say? How's she?

Look at this haircut! My hair's messed up.

See? He left it too long.

I'm forced to go back there and have it cut again. He's hopeless!

That barber can only shampoo.

He can make your hair fluffy and all, but he can't cut it!

I don't know who put the scissors in his hand!

What an idiot!

To ruin someone like that, in the bloom of youth!

Such a wonderful girl. She set that idiot on a pedestal!

He came to the house: "Nice to meet you, I'm Alfredo"...

She stayed with him six years! Six years aren't six months.

Then, disappeared! And now she's a wreck, the poor thing!

Listen, but what did the doctor say? How's she?

I don't know. The usual.

When the doctor saw me, he asked: "Are you her boyfriend?"

I said: "No, her boyfriend's an idiot! An imbecile!"

"I'm her brother"

Then the doctor said: "If you see her boyfriend..."

"...tell him this girl should have some fun, she needs to be relieved...

"...relieved."

...Relieved.

But of course she needs to be relieved! He left her three years ago!

She hasn't... for three years... I told the doctor: "Maybe you could relieve her!"

I can't do it for I'm her brother.

Her boyfriend left her three years ago.

She doesn't go out anymore and doesn't want to see anybody.

Sometimes I tell her: "Meet some of my friends"...

"Would you like to meet some of my friends? Just to be relie..."

"If you want to meet some of my friends..."

- Mario, would you marry my sister? - Well...

Then be honest and say "You make me sick: you, your sister and your relatives!"

So I won't ask you anymore!

It's impossible to speak with you.

When we talk about school, cars or other things you're adorable.

When we talk about Gabriellina, you change from here to here!

- You become another person! - Alright. Thanks anyways.

Enough with that. Bye.

With all the men in the world, you want me to relieve your sister?

No, I'll do it. Don't worry. You're right.

It's not as if I'm trying to sell you cherries!

- However, my sister... - Not again! You got out of the car for that!

I can't even talk to myself about my sister?

You were talking to me!

No, I wasn't! I was thinking of my sister and said my thoughts out loud.

I got here, you followed me and talked about your sister!

I only asked if you wanted to marry her.

You don't understand. We're friends, that's embarrassing!

Alright, end of transmissions!

The train's passing by, I'm going. You're playing the victim.

I can't even talk about my sister...

The end.

That's it!

If the bar doesn't go up it means another train's coming. Don't sound the horn.

I see that.

Hey! Crossing keeper!

- How many trains pass by daily? - How many? Many.

- Hey! Crossing keeper! How many "many"? - Five, six, seven... more!

They're shunting.

- They're shunting! - What's that?

I don't know. They hired an idiot for a public service!

How do I know what 'shunting' means?

- You want to know what 'shunting' means? - No I don't! Calm down.

It couldn't get worse!

- What are we going to do? - We'll wait for all the trains to pass by.

We can't trespass. But maybe...

we could take that path and see if it takes us to the other side.

- You know it? - That path there...

- You know it? - That path!

- I know, but have you ever taken it? - First of all calm down.

I'm not the keeper, okay?

What I'm saying is, perhaps that path could take us beyond the level crossing.

But you've never taken it... I'll go all the same.

No! You might as well wait for all the trains to pass by.

- I'll take the path. If you know it... - I don't know it. We can only try.

- Could it be that way? - Wait.

- What does the sign say? - "Legnano".

- Go straight ahead. - I'll go straight ahead.

- Go straight ahead! - Yes. Straight ahead.

- What the heck? - Straight ahead, I said.

Straight ahead my arse, the car stopped!

Do you think that water's drinkable?

I don't know.

Maybe it's for the sheep. (Tuscan: Pellepècore)

- "Perepè"? - For the sheep!

You sounded like a trumpet, "perepè".

No, I said "FOR THE sheep"! (Ital: "PER LE pecore")

My Lord, what a day!

- It's raining so hard! - My God!

And then you don't realise... Let me tell you something, since now you're calm.

You know I like you, but you don't realise

how unpleasant you become when you're upset.

Moreover, it affects your job as a teacher.

I know because I see you kick out the pupils...

and then they come to me and say: "The teacher's got problems at home,

"and then he gets angry with us. But why?"

I know, it's a bad period. Apart from my sister...

- I know. - I also have personal problems.

But I understand you. I'm not telling you off.

Tell me something. Who told you that? Giachetti?

What, that you're upset at work? No. ...I can't remember.

- Was it that idiot of Giachetti? - No, it wasn't Giachetti!

- I'm going to fail him. - But it wasn't him!

I won't fail him for that, I made up my mind at the beginning of the school year.

I have an instinct for certain things.

Had it been Giachetti, I would have told you!

- It wasn't him. - Alright then.

You kick them all out, even De Luca.

I had to tell him: "Even the grown-ups make mistakes".

Don't play the philosopher with the children. Just do your job,

there's no need for a philosophical caretaker! "The grown-ups make mistake"...

So, what shall we do?

I told you before, let's go and check on that light.

I saw it too.

- Let's go there. - Maybe it's a hotel.

- "Inn..." - Come on, it's raining!

- Wait! - What should I wait for? It's raining!

Let's see if they have a phone. Knock.

- Knock, I said! - I'm knocking!

Good evening. Our car stopped nearby.

We're all wet with rain. We came here running.

Do you have a phone? We have to make a call because the car...

- We're all wet with rain. - Telephone!

You think we could stay for the night?

To sleep? Upstairs.

- Shall we? - She said yes, hurry up!

- Upstairs? - Upstairs.

Damn you! "Go straight ahead", he said! Go upstairs!

- Hey! - Don't you dare say "hey", now!

- Go upstairs! - Upstairs where? I don't know!

- Upstairs where? - Upstairs.

We're so wet we won't be able to sleep.

- Thanks. Go upstairs! - I can't see anything. Sorry...

- The lights are off. - Where's the switch?

- The power switch! - Quiet. The lights?

- The lights? The candles are upstairs. - Is everything upstairs?

- So the light's off? - Go! Good night!

Good night.

Hurry up, you're as slow as a 90 year-old man!

- I can't see anything. - Then I'll go first.

- You want to go first? - Yes!

- Ha! You stumbled! - Of course, there's a step.

What are you doing? Slow down.

Mario! A man's sleeping there!

Leave him alone. Who knows how many others are in here...

- She sends everyone upstairs! - Let's place ourselves there.

- There's a piece of wood. - The beds are here.

I'm dead tired.

I'll sleep all dressed. It's full of bugs here.

- What? - What is it?

- Which bugs? - Where?

You said it's full of bugs! They make me sick, don't make fun of me.

These are old beds, they're usually full of bugs.

Then I'll sleep all dressed too.

I prefer to catch the bronchitis. Bugs make me sick.

- What was it? - That man's snoring.

He won't let us sleep, he'll stop if I do that.

Mario.

- Mario. - Won't you get some sleep? Aren't you tired?

- Yes. - Then sleep!

- Will you stop moving? - Why can't I move?

- Because I'm afraid of bugs. - Then I'll stay still.

Can't you stay still? Do you have to move at all costs?

Can't I change position?

Do I have to sleep like this?

- Find a position! - No, I'll sleep like this.

- I want to see it! - I like this position!

Find a comfortable position! One that makes you comfortable.

I don't know what makes me comfortable.

- Are you comfortable? - Yes.

A. D. 1492

Hey! You're in my bed!

Of course, I moved.

- He's pissing out of the window. - What?

Quiet! Indeed!

Quiet.

Hey what's that?

It can't be real! Excuse me...

He snored all night.

- That's real blood. - Don't show me your hand.

- The friar! - We didn't do it! We were sleeping,

then we saw him ...using the bathroom...

- then all of a sudden... PAH! - There's blood on his hands.

What do you mean? You know I've touched him!

- Why did you say that? - And then he kept snoring all night.

- He kept snoring and... - My God!

- Damn friars! Remigio! - He was in the bathroom and...

They've killed the last of my brothers! Damn them!

Remigio, you knew you shouldn't come to the inn! You knew that!

Damn people!

'Morning.

Upstairs, someone was in the bathroom...

and suddenly... TAH! Something hit his...

and he's dead. But it's a joke, I think.

Oops, it's late, we have to go.

We're... There's a dead man upstairs!

- But it's a joke... - A joke? I'm scared!

- But where are we? - In Frittole.

- Frittole? - Frittole!

Why are you dressed that way?

- And you? - We?

- We're well dressed, not like you. - At least normally dressed...

- Without... - Horses, dead men, swords, clothes...

- But what year is it? - 1400.

Almost 1500.

Sorry, we're late. Saverio!

- They're crazy! - Let's go back to the car!

Come on, Mario! Hurry!

Mario, there it is! Look!

I told you we'd find it! How stupid to make fun of us like that!

- Here's the fountain. - For the sheep!

- "Perepè!" - And there's the tree.

- The tree was bigger, Saverio. - No, it was like that, I remember well.

Then we're in 1400, Saverio! And the blood...

- Don't show me your hand! - But I've touched him!

Don't be upset!

- Mario! - Saverio!

The plant was bigger.

- It was bigger! - Yes.

It was twenty times bigger, not just twice as big.

Saverio! What's going on?

- Saverio! - What.

- Don't worry. - Saverio!

What?

- Saverio... - I don't understand you!

- Saverio! - Alright, I know I'm Saverio.

- Saverio! - Mario!

- Wait a moment. - Saverio!

Follow me. Excuse me, excuse me...

Listen, we're lost.

A big oak was there last night,

but now it's small. He's my friend Mario, he's not well at all.

- I am! - He's so and so...

So... now we're in Frittole!

Frittole.

Forget Frittole. I don't want to hear that name...

Going out of this town called Frittole... going away from Frittole...

one naturally arrives to another town, which is?

Frittole?

- Hey! - Wait, Saverio! No...

Forgive him. We'd like to know something.

We're in Frittole. It's alright, we know that, but...

...we aren't really in 1400, are we?

Yes, almost 1500!

- But then it's true! - Hey! How far can you go with that joke?

Mario's not well, as I said before...

...and yet you keep joking! It's not for me,

I can take a joke, but Mario's not well and he can't take it.

And why are you dressed like that? Imbecile!

Mario! Mario!

Mario, come here. Look who's here!

- How are you? Mario, don't be a fool. - Save'...

- What have you said? - Saverio!

- Mario, come on! - Saverio!

Mario, your Saverio's here.

- Then it's true! - Mario, don't show me your hand,

you know I hate the sight of blood. Look who's here, your Saverio! Mario, cheer up!

Mario, don't worry! Don't worry!

Vitellozzo, don't make me say something I... But if it helps, he just died.

He snored all night, he said nothing,

then in the morning he woke up and died.

But what's their congregation? What were their clothes like?

You keep asking again and again. I'd help you if I could.

From the window I saw something black.

Giuliano del Capecchio!

- Giuliano del Capecchio? - I don't know...

As I said before, we were in 1900, the car broke...

- Enough with that story! - Why shouldn't I tell it?

You've told it 40 times already!

- Then let's stay here! - We'll stay here.

Vitellozzo, I know you're suffering...

We were in a field, our horse... broke...

Vitellozzo, we got there, they killed him, and we felt very bad.

But who goes around killing people, anyways?

I don't know. The sect of Andrea del Salomone

- with Savonarola, I don't know... - Savonarola?

They make such a mess! They come here, they burn everything...

They impose the dark hour, if you wear a colourful dress they'll burn you.

You can't look at the women. If you touch them, they'll chop your hand!

They've ruined this town, and now they've killed my youngest brother!

Come on!

Wait.

Pull.

- Here. - Let's put him here.

- Remigio! - Yes, mother, he's dead.

- Did he die like Ludovico? - No, Ludovico here. Like Filippo.

- Here? - Yes, like Filippo I said!

However I'll take care of it. We must reply to this.

And you? How will you end up? Like Ludovico or like Remigio?

Enough said! We must reply! And if I die, I'll die like dad!

- Here? - Yes, like dad I said!

Go to bed now. If they want me, they'll have to hit me in the back.

We must reply to this.

- She's my mother. - I told you...

Let's go.

Vitellozzo, we're going.

Vitellozzo, we're going away.

Who knows what's going to happen... We're going separate ways.

- Where shall we go? - Keep silent, I said.

I have it all under control, don't interrupt me.

- But... - Keep silent.

As I said, Vitellozzo, we're going away.

We don't know anyone, but the world will offer something to two men...

Vitellozzo, could we stay for the night? We'll leave in the morning.

What?

Can we stay for the night? We'll leave in the morning.

Oh, sorry! It's been a bad day.

- See, I feel awful. - Don't worry.

My dead brothers' room is empty. I'll take you there.

Thanks.

No, upstairs is my mother's room. This way. Please...

That's Filippo's bed, and that's Remigio's bed.

There are some clothes. Dress better, since you don't really look...

- I like it, Vitellozzo! Good night! - Thank you.

I'm glad you're staying. I'm all alone now.

- Good night. - Good night.

- Come on. - Wait.

For what?

Leave it be!

Mario, look at that bed!

That's ancient stuff.

Vitellozzo must be rich.

Saverio, I thought of something...

- "How to go back to 1900". - How?

Maybe it won't work, but it's a nice idea:

We ARE in 1900!

It's just something psychological, we think we're in 1400...

No! We're in 1900. We must pretend nothing's happened.

Tomorrow morning I'll wake you:

"Saverio?" And you'll behave normally, as if nothing happened.

Is that clear? You'll tell me:

"Mario, thanks. Now we'll drive to school..."

"...I have to call my sister", so to speak.

We'll get up, open the door... 1900!

- Alright. - But we have to sound convincing!

- Convincing. - Alright?

- You have to sound convincing! - Convincing.

Tomorrow morning: TAH, TAH!

Now let's sleep.

Let's go to school by car!

- So we're going? - Yes, I told you "let's go".

Mamma mia d'o Carmine! (Neapolitan expression)

- See? - See what? I knew it!

When I woke you and said: "Saverio, shall we go then?",

you were all like: "What?". You didn't understand, I had to nod!

If you don't want to do it, don't do it!

Alright, I'll sound convincing. Should we get there?

- No sir, here'll be fine. - Go ahead.

- Shall we go then? - Of course, let's go!

This morning, with a flat tyre, and without the refrigerator...

...we're going to the bank by subway.

If we don't get a shock, we can buzz.

I'll phone you and we'll take the bus! Alright? Let's go.

- Shall we go then? - Yes!

- I told you. - I knew it!

I was convincing!

Did you? At first, you only mentioned the school

then you spoke of tyres and interphones altogether!

- They must have noticed! - Who?

Whoever sent us here: time... God, I don't know!

At first nothing, then everything altogether?

- That's impudent! - Alright, go ahead.

- So... - Convincing!

- No! I'm leaving, do it yourself. - One last time!

- Please! - No, I'll change clothes and go out.

Wow, Mario! Look at these clothes! Come and see!

I'll do it myself, and I hope to get back there and leave you here!

Mamma mia d'o Carmine, how pleasing it would be!

I'm trying again, I'll be convincing.

So...

Saverio, let's do it together! I can't do it by myself!

Are you still there? Weren't you afraid of year 1400?

- I'm going out. - Saverio!

- Remember that you must die! - Excuse me?

Remember that you must die!

- Alright. - Remember that you must die!

Sure, I'm going to write it down now. Don't worry.

And so, what if someone wants to open a shop?

They need a licence.

- A licence? - A licence.

- We need a licence too! - A licence.

Then it's the same! A licence.

- Whatever you want to do, you need... - A licence.

For any job? If I want to be a hangman, for example, can I just do it or...

- You need a licence! - It's clear now, dear Ugolone!

Thank you very much. Do you want to see Mario now?

I'm late. I'll do it tomorrow.

- But Mario's nearby. - Is he a good fellow?

- Very good. We're friends. And he's nearby. - No.

- I've got the keys. - You're staying at Vitellozzo's?

- Yes, we're... - Relatives?

- No, that'd be bad... We're friends. - Friends.

...He's good, I'm proposing Mario because he's already worked with a hangman.

- He's experienced? - He used to work for a hangman,

and he'll make a perfect hangman's helper. TAH, TAH!

He takes the head, and... I can introduce him at once!

- He's a curly guy... - Tomorrow. I'm late.

- I'll take offence! - It's late.

- Ugolone! - It's late.

- As you wish, then. - See you tomorrow.

We need the licence! We need the licence.

He can only shampoo. When it comes to cutting...

Mario!

I've something to tell you. Outside... Oh, good morning! How are you?

How am I? Bad. How are you?

- My name's Saverio. - Saverio.

- I'll leave you alone. - Thanks.

- Bye, Mario. - Bye, Parisina.

Bye... Her name's Parisina? Mario!

Why did you leave me alone with her all day?

Silly, you could have gone out with me!

It's great outside! I met three or four amazing people!

Then, everything's the same as for us! To open a shop you need a licence.

- Everything's the same! - I don't want to go out!

I want to go back to 1900! You left me with her all day,

she kept talking and talking... She scared me

because she spoke about spears and all...

You should have gone out with me. Come on, make me happy,

get dressed! Five minutes only. Five minutes!

I want to go back to 1900 for here I'm scared!

Mario, don't be silly!

Go out and see, and if you don't like it you won't go out anymore.

You can't go back and say you've been in 1400 without seeing anything!

What should I say? "I saw spears here and here"?

But that was pure chance! It's as if someone

went to 1900, saw a car accident...

and thought everyone who went out got squashed!

- Come with me! Five minutes! - I'm not going out.

You think everybody gets killed here? Let's ask Vitellozzo.

- Vitellozzo's had the whole family killed! - Let's ask him! Come with me!

We'll ask him. If he says "yes", you won't go out.

- He can say what he wants... - Come with me.

- Are you stuck to that chair? - I won't go out in any case!

Vitellozzo, he thinks they kill everyone who goes out.

Of course not! They only kill the ones they want to kill. Don't worry.

See Mario? It's so nice... Mario! Mario!

Mario, let's go! But why don't you...

- You need to be pushed? - I don't want to go out.

What scares you? See? They're all so elegant... You should put on a jacket.

You should put on jacket instead of a shirt. You'd look more elegant.

What jacket? I'm also going to take off the hat.

No, the hat's the only elegant thing you're wearing.

I don't like it! I look like Pinocchio!

- Don't take it off! - I don't like it!

Alright then! It was the only elegant thing you had.

- I don't want to go out. - It's a bit late for that...

See? Nothing happened. No one's going to eat you. Don't be worried.

- Come closer. - But don't you touch me.

What are you doing with that hand?

- Are you crazy? - Why are you walking like that?

- Because I'm ashamed! - You don't have to be ashamed.

Act naturally. The less attention you draw, the more they...

Here it comes!

Hold it! Men in transit! Calm down, it's just pee!

- Just pee? - Don't be afraid.

But it caught my arm!

- Should he throw it at me? - These villagers are disgusting!

First they don't wash themselves, and then they throw pee out of the window!

- Do you want me to get an illness? - Illness can be cured, calm down.

Cured, you said? Do you think we're in 1900?

If you get an illness here, you know what happens?

- What happens? - You die!

- Sure, you die... - You die!

Stupid!

Saverio!

- Now what? What? - But...

It's just a horse chart! You're afraid of everything!

- If I hadn't jumped, it would have hit me! - Oh, shut up!

Enough! And don't walk with your hands there! You look like a sex maniac!

- Are you crazy? Keep your hands off! - Alright, I'll stop it but you stop yelling.

- You keep hitting me! - Speak softly, we'll make a bad impression.

- I can do whatever I want! - I won't touch you anymore, porcelain guy!

- Come here. - You could get broken!

And keep quiet. Keep quiet, speak softly.

- If you want to speak, speak to me. - I want to go home.

That way! Don't just walk at random!

- Excuse me! Good morning. - Good morning.

- Stay there and be calm. There's no danger. - I'm calm.

Stay there... behind there. The farther, the better!

Excuse me, I'm looking for a gentleman.

- Are you a local? - Yes.

A gentleman dressed in black, old, bald...

- Ugolone. - Ugolone, the hangman.

- I'm sorry, I'm really sorry! - What's going on?

- Saverio! - They're just people running...

Saverio!

Goddam it! It's the dark hour!

Mario, come on, we must lock ourselves in the house. Come on!

Come on, Mario! If we lock ourselves in the house, we'll be safe. Let's go!

Come on, follow me!

Vitellozzo's keeping the windows open! Mother, that's enough!

- Dark hour my arse! - Let's go!

Any objections? Vitellozzo's keeping the windows open!

- No! - I want to keep the windows open!

- Vitellozzo! - I'll keep them open!

- Close the window! Please! - Shall we close it?

- Yes, please! - This one?

- I'm begging you, close it! - Keep it open, I said!

- He's right, let's open it. - We'll get into trouble!

- Vitellozzo, we'd better close it. - Yes, it's better.

- Alright then, do as you wish! - My God, what have you done?

We're going to pay for it.

- You'll end up like Remigio. - Like dad I said!

If I have to die, I'll die like dad!

- Here? - Yes, like dad!

Inventions? Come on, tell me. What should we invent?

We can invent anything, they've got nothing here.

- Name one thing. - The light bulb. They have no power here.

- And can you make light bulbs? - Why, you've never seen one?

Of course I have, but at home it's easy, you just TAH!

and the light's on, but can you make it?

The switch is easy, you make the light bulb, then the wire, the plug,

- beware of the shock, TAH TAH! - And you can make light bulbs?

No, but we can ask any electricians.

Sure, because there are electricians here! Imbecile,

first invent the electrician and then the light bulb!

If we really have to invent something they need badly here, that's the bathroom.

- The bathroom! - That's easy, it's just a cup,

you can make it wooden if you have no porcelain.

Then you pull the chain and it's done.

- That's easier. - However the flusher is a mystery.

The water comes and goes.

No mystery, it just uses a system of communicating vessels.

Also light bulbs use a system.

But the flusher is easier, some water goes away and other water arrives.

- Can you make it or not? - The flusher?

Not yet. But if I put some effort in it, I'll make it.

We'll start with the toilet, then we'll throw water in it with a bucket.

You want to keep throwing water in it?

- Then it'll overflow. - You can make a hole, a ramification.

And that would be the invention of the bathroom?

Hey, that's the only thing I... I can't make anything,

- if you can make something, invent it. - I'm ready.

Remember, in the church the women must be stared at!

- (IN LATIN) The Lord be with you. - And with your spirit.

Stand up! When everyone stands, you also stand.

Is it so difficult to learn? Look at the green one.

- Has she looked at you? - No, but...

Look! If you look at them, they'll look at you. On your left!

- Stop it! - I can't even touch you now? Look.

- You look. - Alright I'll look,

but then if I go out with one of them don't say:

"Ah, if I'd looked too!". Look what you want then.

Sit down! When they get up, you get up. When they sit down, you sit down.

Look. Look there.

- Come on, look! - I don't want to look!

Quiet! Look what you want, then.

You want to go out with Vitellozzo? Then look at Vitellozzo! Mario! Mario!

That one, the one with the blue hat! She's looked you.

- That one? - Don't point at her!

- The one with the hat. - The one with the blue hat?

Yes. The one next to the green one, but not the green one, she's mine.

The one with the blue hat. She's pretty.

- She's looking ahead. - Don't make gestures! She looked at you.

- Can he look at her? - She's the richest girl in town.

She's the richest girl in town. Look, look!

- She looked at me. - "She looked at me", what did I say?

- Don't look at me, look at her. - You hurt me!

Don't shout in the church, damn you! Why did I go to the church with you?

- She's just a child. - It's alright here.

- She's even older than 15. - See? She's even older than 15!

She's the perfect age here. Here girls grow fast.

- What should I do now? - You should...

- What should he do? - With your eyes,

you have to make her understand you've understood.

With your eyes you have to tell her you've understood.

- When she turns around? - Yes, look at her.

Yes, I have understood.

You said to tell her I'd understood! Now she won't turn around again.

But you should do it as they do it here, you don't really understand anything.

- Now he should get up? - Now you have to go out and wait for her.

Stay there, even if others should come. Don't go away.

Don't go away. Get up, go out,

then I'll come with the green one and we'll go out together.

One's set!

- (IN LATIN) The Lord be with you. - And with your spirit.

In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

The Mass is ended, go in peace.

Excuse me, Miss...

Not even one look out of politeness? I looked at you all through Mass...

- Mario, go ahead! - There are too many people.

They're all uglier than you. Go ahead!

Stop there guys! It's a matter of physical aspect, you know?

Some are better looking than others,

and you're really ugly-ish, sorry. It's not for me, it's for my friend, who...

See you. Dear Serra, Fiorenzo...

Hey, grandmother Abelarda!

If it were so easy, I'd go out with Brigitte Bardot every night!

See you.

See you.

You live here? It's nice.

Oh, you stopped? Thanks, because I wanted to tell you something.

I don't want you to think I'm someone who takes liberties with women in public.

God forbid! But when we were in the church, I thought you looked me, I thought

- you turned around for a moment. - Yes, I looked at you.

- Why is that? - Because in the church the other men...

...do nothing else but look, look, look, look, look...

- while you never looked at me. - But in the end I did.

Did you notice? I also said: "Yes, I have understood".

Ask her if she has a friend.

And then, the way you walk...

...the way you look...

- ...your hair. Your... - Why, what's wrong with it?

It's longer here and shorter there, isn't it? You can say it,

it's my barber Carmine's fault.

As for cutting hair, he's hopeless!

I don't really know who's put the scissors in his hand! Hopeless...

yet he keeps cutting hair.

He only knows how to shampoo.

- What? - Shampoo...

You know, when you wash your hair...

...you know, dry hair, oily hair, anti-dandruff shampoo...

- Shampoo, to wash your head. - Water!

Water, yes. Yes, shampoo is water,

but with the bubbles. Never mind.

- But you dress... so... - Badly?

No, but no jacket... no hat... You're an artist!

- Ask her if she has a friend. - No, I'm...

Yes, I'm an artist. Otherwise I'd wear a jacket and a hat.

I have so many jackets and hats, but I'm an artist, I don't...

- Are you a painter? - No, I'm...

I'm a musician. A musician.

Sing something.

- Now? - Yes.

Mario, the friend!

- Now I can't think of anything. - Please...

"Please"... It's hard for me to choose one among all...

There's one that's beautiful, according to me.

It's just the beginning, I still haven't finished it.

It goes like... It's just the beginning, it goes like:

"Bom bom" is the music, I played it with my voice.

Then the melody goes on.

- It's beautiful. - You like it?

It's beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!

I'm glad you like it, because I write them for myself,

but then I wonder: "Would others like it or not? Who knows...".

- Buy I enjoy writing them. - Pia?

I have to go now.

- You really have to go, go, go? - Yes.

Alright then. When can we meet again?

On Sunday, in the church.

Next Sunday? You're going out again next week?

Alright, see you in a week then.

You'll recognize me since I dress like an artist, without...

Alright.

- My name is Mario. - Bye.

But are you crazy?

You don't weep anymore now?

- So, has she got a friend? - Yes.

- You asked if she's got a friend? - Yes.

- And when are we going out? - She said when...

- I haven't asked her if she has a friend. - Mario, don't be a jerk!

- Keep it down. - Don't make fun of me please.

Mario, I passed by twice to ask if she had a friend...

I know, I heard you, but I didn't have the chance to ask.

Don't be a jerk, I sent away all those people, I passed by twice

- to ask if she had a friend. - I know, I know.

We spoke of other things and I forgot. Next week,

- when I see her again, I'll ask her. - I don't deserve that.

Now you'll knock again and say you forgot to ask

- if she has a friend for your friend. - Are you crazy?

Should I knock and make her come here for that? Would you do that?

- Yes, for a friend I'd do it. - Don't talk nonsense.

- I swear! However, see how you are! - I'll ask her next time!

- No, let go of him! - Signora, move away!

- What's going on? - Go hide yourselves, you chickens!

Vitellozzo keeps the windows open!

Mother! Mother, I'll end up like dad!

Parisina!

What shall I do with the butcher's shop? I'm all alone!

- What happened? - Have you seen what they've done? Mario!

- They took away my son! Poor thing! - Why? Who were they?

Who is it? Oh, Parisina! Sorry...

Mario, come on!

Parisina, I heard a noise and thought it could be a thief.

- You couldn't sleep? - How could I sleep after what happened?

I know, it's bad. I thought of it all night.

Mario! I thought of it all night and maybe I've got an idea to free Vitellozzo.

Poor son of mine!

- He was the only one left. - I'll take care of it. Mario!

- Hey! I'm here! - I called him five times...

I was telling Parisina...

- Mario. - Parisina, what's up?

As I said, last night I thought of it, because Saverio loves you

and maybe I've got an idea to get Vitellozzo out of prison.

- No... Really? - Yes.

- Thanks, Mario. - What's Mario got to do with it?

Last night I, not Mario, had got an idea, and thought of talking to someone

who could get Vitellozzo out of prison.

- Really? - Yes.

- Thanks, Mario. - "Thanks Mario"...

- But thanks for what? - I don't know.

- You can go back to sleep, Parisina. - And the butcher's shop?

I've also thought of that, we'll take care of it.

We'll take turns in the morning and in the evening. Don't worry.

Then I'm going to open.

- Right now? - It's late.

- Alright then. ...It's not my fault. - I'll never come here in the morning!

- Yes you will. - No, I'll come in the afternoon.

I'll come here in the afternoon. I want to sleep in the morning.

- Then I'll leave it to you. - Thanks Parisina.

- Saverio'll take care of it. - Thanks. Thanks, Mario.

"Thanks Mario"!

- I'll only come here in the afternoon. - She always thanks you and never me.

You know, I've got an idea to free Vitellozzo.

We're two idiots: Savonarola.

- What? - Savonarola! He can free Vitellozzo.

- You want to meet Savonarola? - Why, you think they'd let us in?

- It's as if we wanted to see the Pope... - Then what?

A letter will reach him. We'll write: "Savonarola"...

We can take advantage, for we know many things.

But we'll get into trouble, Saverio!

He'll find out who sent it and will have us arrested.

How can he find out? We don't have any licence.

We'll write a letter saying: "Savonarola,

if you go on like this they'll burn you. Is it clear or not?"

Alright, tell him we know, "you'd better leave it be" and all,

- so he'll send his guards to arrest us. - Don't worry.

If they come in the afternoon they'll find me and take me away. But why?

Don't worry, not only Savonarola but also other things:

we can influence the politics of the time.

Give me some paper. Let's write him.

- Why do you want to get into trouble? - Come on!

We could also invent something useful for the world.

That's a sheet of the accounts of the butcher's!

You can write on the back. The back's clean.

You want to write to the Pope on used paper?

- This is white. - You're stingy.

Give me a pen. Look, this is a stationer's!

Here. How many pens! So...

- Remember, Saverio: - Don't worry...

- be polite. - Yes.

He mustn't recognise us, it should be a little anonymous.

- Then dictate it. - "Dear Savonarola...".

- Wait, the date first: "Frittole..." - "Almost 1500."

- "Frittole, almost 1500"? - You know the precise date?

What if you got a letter saying: "Rome, almost 2000"?

Then write: "Summer, almost 1500".

- He knows the date. - Never mind, I'll find out.

- So, "Dear...". - Wait.

- No 'dear', he's not our friend. - No sir.

- This ink... - Wait, don't write anything.

- "Holy..." - "Holiest Savonarola!".

"How handsome you are!", so to speak...

"Holiest Savonarola,"

- We can't tell him he's handsome. - No.

- "We like you so much!" - But then he'll know... Alright, write that.

- "We like you so much, the two of us!" - So he'll think we're his followers.

You think they know the exclamation mark here? I'll put it there anyways.

Since we don't know, we'd better write: "Forgive the coarseness".

"Forgive the coarseness"...

- But what coarseness? - He thinks everyone's a sinner.

If you add an exclamation mark he'll think: "What's that? A man with a dot? It's a sin!".

Better safe than sorry. Write: "Forgive the coarseness".

Or even: "This is an exclamation mark, not a man", with an arrow.

No, "Forgive the coarseness, just in case.".

- "Just in case" what? - "Just in case" because...

- Will you write what I say or not? - Alright.

Otherwise he may say: "Why did they write that?". If there's no coarseness...

he'll think we wanted to be coarse and we didn't succeed.

That's true. "Forgive the coarseness, just in case.".

"What..." "How are you?"

No, it's got nothing to do with the rest.

- "Holiest, we don't..." - "Free Vitellozzo".

"Free..." "Could you free Vitellozzo?"

- "If you can?" - Hey?

- "Holiest Girolamo". - "Savonarola!"

"Savonarola".

Now we should ask him to explain why he thinks everyone's a sinner and all...

- No, we must also tell him he exaggerates. - Of course.

- Write: "Savonarola..." - "What the heck!"

- "What the heck!" - "What the heck! Oh!"

"Let's calm down!", as if to say 'all of us'. "Let's..."

- Not only him. - "Let's calm down, hey?"

- "Oh!" - Put it in brackets.

- Then write: "Forgive the brackets". - Yes.

- "What the heck!" - "What the heck!"

"It looks like everything, everything... One cannot move..."

"...And this and that... It's also for you!"

"Oh!"

- Right? - Yes... "This and that... Oh!"

"Two persons... fine persons..."

- "We're two nice, fine persons". - "We wouldn't hurt anyone".

- "...who'd never even hurt a fly". - "Imagine..."

"Imagine if we'd ever hurt a saint like you!"

- "A big saint like you". - "On the contrary..."

- "You must be worthier than a fly, right?" - No, we'd better avoid the comparison.

"On the contrary...". 'On the contrary' says all.

"Ciao!"

No, we need a good ending, as two humble sinners would put it.

"We are...". No, "We say goodbye with..."

- "We say goodbye with..." - "Really, we don't even know..."

- Wait. - "Really, we're..."

Write: "We say goodbye with our faces under your feet".

That's the top of...

- That's too much. - Why?

It's for penance, "with our faces under your feet,"

"without even asking you to stay still."

- "You can move". - What do you mean?

I mean, our faces underfoot and he can walk,

so he'll think we're really humble.

It's a beautiful image, our faces underfoot...

"And you can move as much as you want"

- "and we'll stay quietly underfoot". - That's alright.

- "...quietly underfoot". - Period.

- "Forgive the comparison..." - "...with the fly."

"No offence was meant".

- "We're still the same sinners," - You want to say goodbye again?

- "with the faces you know where". - Yes, too late to withdraw that...

"...still the same sinners, with the faces you know where",

- "...and as quiet as usual". - Yes.

Hey! You're jumping!

- You put on the hat, good. You like it now? - It's nice.

And then it's really in, I've seen a few guys wearing a similar hat.

- Have you spoken with her? - No. I hear her voice, but I don't see her.

Then look over there, between those two trees...

...look carefully.

- Pia's there? - No.

She was playing with a ball.

- There it is, let's get closer. - But without knocking.

If she's playing with a ball, she's not alone. There's the ball.

- Let's knock. - Don't be silly, I said without knocking.

I want to try and see her.

Help me.

- If you go down on your knees I... - Are you crazy?

- Only for a moment, to see if Pia's there! - I'm not going down on my knees!

Don't you want me to ask her if she has a friend?

Alright, but make it brief.

Get up slowly and when I tell you to stop, just stop.

Wait.

- Mario! - I was passing by and saw a flying thing...

a... whatever you call it... a sphere.

- The ball! - The 'ball', exactly,

...no offence meant. I saw that 'ball' in the air,

...and thought: "Who knows..."

"who's making that 'ball' twirl in the air... in the ether?"

Who cares of the ball? Ask her if she has a friend!

"It cannot whirl by itself, there has to be someone,"

"a gentle hand, that's making it twirl in the ether..."

What are your plans for the evening?

You won't spend it all playing with that ball, will you?

No, this is just a game. My father has invented it.

- Mario, I can't cope anymore. - Your father has invented that game?

- It's a hard game, how do you play it? - I'll show you.

Mario, I just can't make it, ask her if she has a friend, hurry!

Mario! I can't make it!

Here!

- How nice... How do you... - It takes practice!

You have to try... and try... and try and try and try...

...and then you'll succeed. You launch it and take it back.

Even two or three times in a row.

Really? You can launch it and take it back even two or three times in a row?

- But what kind of horse are you riding? - It's not a horse, it's a mare.

- Mario, I'm going to let you fall! - Her name's Saveria.

- Good girl, Saveria. - I'll make you fall!

She's tired, we've been riding and riding all the time.

Cut that crap! Ask her if she has a friend and let's go away!

Good girl! I'm taking her to the stable, she's very tired.

See you tomorrow.

- I'll come without the mare, alright? - Farewell.

- See you tomorrow - Ask her if she has a friend!

- Go! - Damn you! Where should I go now?

Sir?

- Yes? - Goddam it!

- I pray you. - I'm coming.

Turn around Saveria, then I'll take you home.

- I can't make it! - I'm coming.

Saveria, good girl.

Yes?

- We could also meet tonight. - Very well. Where?

Here. I'll teach you to play with the ball.

No, I'd rather not,

because I already know I won't make it.

- It's out of my reach. - You have to try, and try...

- and try and try and try and try... - I know, but I can't really make it.

I can't play acrobatic games where you need to...

- Hush, Saveria! - Ask her if she has a friend!

I can't do that... but I can try tomorrow.

I could try. If I can take it back, well. But if I fail at the first attempt,

I'd rather stop, because it means it's out of my reach.

- Mario, I can't make it. - Go! Let's go home, Saveria!

- She's a little... - Mario, I'm falling.

Go, Saveria.

There's a slope here...

Damn you!

Damn you!

Now you'll take me home, I can't make it.

Sloping down like that... she must have understood everything.

You kept talking about the ball instead of asking if she had a friend!

"Take the ball, launch the ball"...

- "My father has invented it"! - Shut up!

You're still in the shop! Have you had many clients?

"Still in the shop"... you've finally noticed who stays in the shop then!

Listen Mario...

- I have to ask you something. - Listen to me first.

No, I have to ask you something before I forget.

How does the song of Domenico Modugno go?

- You know, "Volare, oh oh..."? - Modugno? Are you crazy?

- "Nel blu dipinto di blu"? - Yes, how does it start?

I couldn't remember. Are you studying geography?

- Mario, I don't feel like joking. - What happened?

I'm tired of waiting for you at night.

You didn't show up for 6 nights,

- I cooked your dinner... - So what?

- Parisina always asks "Where's Mario?". - I can't stay out as much as I like now?

Now you must tell me where you've been!

- What do you care? Are you my wife? - No, but I want to know all the same.

I get back whenever I want! I had dinner out.

- Where? - At Pia's place.

Ha! So you've been with her also tonight! I've been staying here full time for a week.

We said to take turns in the morning! And so tomorrow morning you'll stay here!

- Alright, tomorrow morning I'll come here! - And how about that silly dress?

- Where did you take it? - I've had the tailor make it.

And how did you pay for such an expensive dress?

Mind your own business! I used the money...

Where did you find the money?

- I was given it by... There. - There!

You were about to lie to me! Why didn't you say you took that money?

And then with the money that's missing

you don't just buy a dress, you buy the whole atelier!

I bought two dresses, for when one gets dirty, and a present for Pia.

- Oh poor girl, I would have done the same! - I've bought her a ball.

- A ball for Pia? - Yes, the other one's worn out.

Bravo! Have you learned how to launch it and to take it back three or four times in a row?

- But are you a bit upset? - No, I'm not upset.

You're all like... you waited for me for so long just to tell me that?

- Alright then. Mario, I've drawn a map. - Bravo!

Yes, 'bravo'. I've drawn a map because I'm leaving tomorrow.

In three or four days, when all's ready, with or without you,

- because I'm done with you. - "I'm done with you"!

Saverio! Saverio!

- Saverio! - Madonna bona! (Tuscan expression)

- What is it, Parisina? - The shop is closed!

- It's Mario's turn. - But he's not there!

Mario!

- Parisina, what's that? - A note.

- It's a letter... Confidential, for you. - Thanks.

I'll read it.

"Dear Saverio, last night I dared not tell you...

"because you were a little upset...

"...but this morning I was invited for breakfast at Pia's place.

"I would have invited you too, but then I thought:

"How about the butcher's? We can't close it, can we, Saverio?"

- Such a good guy! So considerate! - Yes he is...

"See you late at night. Yours, Mario.

"Oh, I asked Pia if she had a friend. She said 'no'.

"Then I asked 'Are you sure?'. She answered: 'Yes'."

- He's such a rogue! - No.

Parisina let me say it, I'm not happy to say it,

- but Mario's just a rogue! - No.

And then he's lost his mind.

- No. - He has, instead!

He's out of his mind, he makes me so angry. He's forgotten Gabriellina.

- Who's Gabriellina? - My sister.

- Is he married? - No.

Well, yes... No...

They're talking about it...

I don't know, it's a private matter. Parisina...

Parisina, remember I told you Mario and I had to leave

in three or four days? Not anymore,

we must leave at once, before he goes completely crazy for that girl.

Not again! But where are you going?

You know I can't tell you where. But it must be done,

- because it's something the world needs. - Is it?

We'll save many people and avoid that they suffer like you, who lost your family.

Then you can take our chart, at this point.

Thanks, that'd be nice. And I'll return it when we come back. Is that alright, Parisina?

- Goodbye, Parisina. - Goodbye, Saverio.

Say 'hi' to Mario, and tell him I... I've loved him more than...

The same! The same.

At first you say 'oh' twice, then three times.

- No, four times. - No, three times, I wrote the song!

Four times, you're right. I write so many songs... I forgot.

Then it goes on like...

- That's how it goes. Do you like it? - Yes.

Nice, isn't it? But now you have to give me a kiss.

A kiss for every song.

Hey...

- No! Another song, first. - Enough then, no more songs...

Writing songs is difficult.

I spend entire nights writing them for you.

No, no, another song!

- Give me a kiss without a song. - No.

Every time I want a kiss I have to sing a song?

- Yes. - Kiss me once

- without making me sing a song. - No.

- I've already kissed you four times. - No, only three times.

- No, four times. - Three times, I remember the songs.

First I sang "Avanti popolo", then "White Christmas" and then "Volare".

And the one with the brothers.

- Which one? - The one where they're all brothers...

- Oh, yes! You're right. You're right. - Will you sing it again?

- You like that one? - Yes. It's beautiful, beautiful...

- ...beautiful, beautiful! - But then, you'll give me another kiss.

- If I have to sing I want another kiss. - Alright.

That's a good song, one of my favourite. I wrote it in a brotherhood mood.

Here it goes...

Mameli! (The author of the Italian anthem)

Hey, Mameli!

I've seen her. You'll have to excuse us Miss,

I have to talk to the composer. I'm leaving.

- Where are you going? - To Spain.

- You know what year it is? 1492. - Almost 1500!

1492! The discovery of America!

Christopher Columbus leaves from Spain and discovers America!

You want to write to Christopher Columbus as well? You want to write to everyone?

No more letters. We must go to Spain and stop him, or he'll discover America!

- What's wrong with the Americans now? - The Natives!

There isn't a single Native American left in the world. I've travelled, I know.

They've killed all of them. The Americans pretended to have got there first.

They asked: "What are you doing here?" The Natives said: "We've always been here".

"Oh yeah?", and then TRA! All dead!

The Natives discovered America, not Columbus.

They were already there. If no one had been there, then he'd have discovered it,

but the Natives were there, weren't they, Mario?

As if I went to Puglia and said: "Here's Puglia!"

The "Pugliesi" have been there for 2000 years, they know Puglia's there!

But the Native Americans were exterminated!

There isn't a single nice American in the world!

None of them's good at cultural stuff, at the show business, at sports...

At sports they're very good... Cassius Clay!

Are you daltonian? Cassius Clay's black!

The black people weren't born in America!

Cassius Clay was African, he was taken to America as a slave!

Mario, we must stop Columbus! Come on! You must come with me.

It's the only wise thing to do for the people,

for the people, for the unity of Italy...

- ...for Italy washed by the Ionian Sea... - Pia, I have to leave.

- No, why? - I have to go, here's the ball.

I can't stay, because he said certain things...

I have to go.

- And the songs? - I'll sing them some other time.

Mario, let's go! Hurry! Goodbye!

- You really have to go? - We have to go, go, go!

- By what? - By cart, a horse's tied to it,

and when the horse walks, the cart moves. I've invented it.

"Three or four times in a row"... I've used it 10 or 11 times already! Bye.

Mario, we're Christopher Columbus's stoppers!

No American's good at cultural stuff, at the show business, at sports, at cooking!

Let's go, but don't say no American is good at anything.

- Find one who's good and we'll stay. - I'll name the first which comes to my mind.

Well, there's... "Ladies and gentlemen,

- and now a film with the great..." - Come on, say it.

Damn it, I can't think of anyone!

- Go ahead, I'll think about it. - Let's go.

- Oh, The Beatles! - The Beatles are English.

The Beatles are what? English? 'Beatles'?

They're the Fab Four from Liverpool, everyone knows! Go!

- However they seem American. - They all seem American.

- Oh, then... No. - See? There are no Americans.

Enough now! And change your clothes! I look like your driver!

- Calm down. - Calm down? The road is long.

And then we have to stop by the Pyrenean. I want you to meet someone.

"Who are you?"

- We are two... - "What are you doing?"

- "What are you carrying?" - Stuff...

"How many are you?"

- Two, just me and him. - "One florin"!

Should we pay?

- "One florin." - We have to pay.

- Hey, stop! Excuse me officer, the sack! - I'll pick it up.

- "Who are you?" - We've just passed by with the cart.

- A sack fell down. - "What are you carrying?"

We've just passed by, the sack fell down.

- "How many are you?" - I'm one, there were two of us earlier...

I'm just picking up the sack.

- "One florin!" - But the sack fell down...

- "One florin"! - But we're the same as before!

Come on.

Thanks.

"Who are you?"

- The same as before, I picked the sack... - "What are you carrying?"

- I'm carrying olives, cheese, bread... - "How many are you?"

- One! I came back and now I'm leaving. - "One florin"!

Every time you come and go you have to pay a florin?

This way they become two, three...

Thanks and goodbye.

- Hey, the cheese! - Wait, I'll ask him.

Excuse me...

- "Who are you?" - Fuck off!

"What are you carrying? ...How many are you? ...One florin"!

"Who are you? ...What are you carrying?"

"How many are you? ...One florin".

We're not lost, there's only one road to Spain. Let's go, someone's there.

- Excuse, Miss. - Information!

- Hey! - Oh boy!

What did she shoot?

- An arrow. - At us?

- She's gone away. - I see that.

We only wanted to...

- Luckily enough I could get off! - Me too.

That's crazy!

- She's gone away. - One can't even ask for information.

- Let's go, or we'll be late. - Wait.

- Take out the arrow. - She's gone away, right?

- Take it out! - It's stuck!

- Pull. - No, you pull!

- Ha ha, you can't make it? - Of course not, it's stuck!

Go.

Then, first of all Columbus wanted to discover India, not America.

India's on the other side, you can't reach India going to America.

If we tell him, we'll do him a favour.

Second, preventing him from discovering the Americans

we'll do a favour to the whole world.

Look.

(In Spanish) Sir?

- She's the girl who shot the arrow. - What?

She's the girl who shot the arrow.

Why are you mumbling? Oh, the one who shot the arrow!

- Keep eating, she can't hurt us here. - I'm eating.

Excuse me, the cart outside with the arrow, is it yours?

- Why? - That girl wants to know. Is it yours?

No.

She's staring at you.

(In Spanish) Sir, is the cart with the arrow yours?

Miss, unfortunately we don't understand any foreign language.

(In Spanish) Is the cart with the arrow yours?

- She's talking to you. - To me?

The cart with the arrow? It’s not ours, as we said.

It can't be ours, since we have no carts and no arrows.

We were talking about that, we came here walking, in fact my thighs hurt.

- I said that. - He said that.

- Are you sure? - If we're sure? Miss,

we were just saying that. We said: "It's so hard to walk all over the world!".

- Did you said that? - I said that.

- That's what we were saying. - Alright. Thanks.

Not at all.

- Has she gone away? - Yes, she's just gone out.

If she finds out the cart is ours

- she'll cut our heads off. - Mamma mia d'o Carmine!

(In Spanish) Get off!

Down!

Saverio.

Down!

Get off, that girl is dangerous.

Why did you say the cart wasn't yours?

- The cart...? - Why did you say the cart wasn't yours?

The cart's not mine, at least it's ours.

- No, Miss. A cart belongs to its driver. - But why? It's not true, Miss!

- It's my first time as a driver. - He drives it all the time.

This morning I wanted to try! Why do I have to pay for it now?

Miss!

Mario.

- She's so beautiful! - Is she dead?

Damn her, she scared me to death!

- Her heart's beating, she's fainted. - She's fainted?

- Miss? - Then you're an idiot!

Let's get on the cart and run away! She'll kill us!

- The electric chair! - And that's a nice thing?

- No, it's bad! - It's American! Very American!

I know, I agree with you.

- We must stop Christopher Columbus! - Bravo!

We must stop him.

So many people... Are they having a bath?

- He's really there! - Columbus? We've already found him?

He's not Columbus, he's more than that. He's Leonardo Da Vinci.

- Move away. Move away. - No...

- Let's go. - He's Leonardo Da Vinci?

The one with a beard and long hair?

- Looking at him gives me the shivers. - Quiet, "shivers"!

- He's so handsome! - Let's go.

- Don't be nervous. - I'm not. I want to tell him:

"Hey, we need this and that. Can you make it?"

What does he care if we need something? He must believe we're two scientists.

- We must make him curious, surprise him. - Yes.

- We know many things. - Yes.

We'll make scientific observations.

- We must say things he doesn't know. - Look serious.

...But 9 times 9 is 81?

- But what did you say? - But are you crazy?

- We're already done with Leonardo! - But 9 times 9 is 81 or not?

You want to talk multiplication with Leonardo Da Vinci?

It's the first thing that's passed through my mind.

Scientific things. Let me speak.

Oranges are full of vitamin C.

- Good morning. - Good morning, engineer.

Who are you?

- We could say we're colleagues. - Yes.

In fact we're also engineers, scientists, discoverers.

We've made many things, we've got many patents...

We invent many things and assemble them too.

- What are you doing here? - An experiment with vanes and water.

- The tide! - The tide, the vanes, the water...

The tide! We've also made experiments with the tide...

For example, the tide can be dangerous

because it drags you away.

If you try to swim against the tide, you won't make it.

The tide'll drag you away. Even if you swim hard, no way!

It keeps dragging you away. It's dangerous.

Not for the engineers, but for those who swim against the tide.

Listen, we spoke about these things, as you heard,

and wanted to develop these scientific things we spoke about,

with you. If you could spend some time with us, we could...

It would be a consultation among intelligent people.

- Let's go to my studio. - Thanks.

We're going to surprise you with our ideas...

- Please, have a seat. - Thank you.

You keep quiet.

Thanks, Leonardo.

So, no time to waste, Leonardo.

I'm a little nervous because it's the first time for me to...

So... alright.

The things we told you before, the scientific concepts...

they need developing.

- There's some machinery to build... - For us it's as if... excuse me...

we'll give you the ideas, working with our intelligence...

and you'll make the machinery, since you're good at that.

Whatever the result, if people like it,

we'll go 50-50, I mean 33, 33 and 33.

Better to point it out, to avoid...

Look at him, he'll explain it better.

So, there are a lot of things to invent.

People walk or ride horses. But they could also travel by train.

- Train! - Bravo. A train is made as follows:

a railway, that's very easy to make...

a very long railway, which can even reach Africa.

If it's too short, you have a dead-end platform.

You need two pieces of iron. You can make two pieces of iron, can you?

Two pieces of hard iron with some wooden things inside.

With these two pieces of iron you can go wherever you want:

you can turn, go up, go down... Leonardo, look.

I'm going to draw it.

- I can't draw, so please forgive me. - Go ahead.

ZAH and ZAH! Here's the railway.

This is the wood and above is the train...

all made of iron,

- with the smoke that puffs out. - Train.

To make it move, you put firewood in the boiler.

The heat develops energy and the train moves.

- Then a fireplace could also move. - Yes! No, a fireplace couldn't.

Why a fireplace doesn't move?

Because there's a different mechanism in a fireplace.

With the firewood it moves, with the firewood.

Also with the electricity, but that's a different matter.

Enough with that... Workers! Marx!

Workers! The capitalists exploit the workers, who don't know they're workers...

...because they don't have class-consciousness. The strike!

"Let's strike! Hey, how hard should I work for you? A strike is needed."

Look, look at him.

Freud says: "This table". If you say "toble" it's a Freudian slip.

You liked your mother? Oedipus complex.

Freud says unconsciousness is inside you.

Excuse me, Leonardo, now look at me.

A simple thing, a very easy thing: the thermometer.

The thermometer is easy.

The thermometer is a glass thing with mercury and all the little numbers inside.

It's to check if you're feverish. You can put it under your arm or in your mouth.

If the mercury reaches 35:

- Weak. - Weak. Look at me. 35: weak.

36: normal. They're all dashes.

You can have 36.5, 36.4, 1 to 37...

36: normal. 37...

- Average, red. - Look at me.

- 37 is already red? - Yes, my sister got it.

37: red, you're a bit feverish.

38: you're more feverish, 38: you have to stay at home.

You won't go out because you're cold.

39, 40, 41, 42: very red.

It's serious: hospital. You take the temperature,

if you get 39.5: hospital. And so it's something people may need.

- 35? - 35: weak.

- I don't feel like doing anything. - 38!

38...

Leonardo, 38... My God, he told you before.

It means fever, 38: you're feverish!

Alright, thanks. Let's go. It's useless.

Thanks, Leonardo.

You can stay if you want. I'm leaving.

Wait a moment... Leonardo, listen to me.

There's no haste... If you make effort... Hey?

Traffic lights.

Is it clear?

Don't say it's clear when you didn't understand. Why don't you say:

"I haven't understood"? I can tell you one more time.

But don't say it's all clear, is it clear?

- It's clear. - But you don't look convincing.

Then let's try, alright? The rule I explained. Pay attention.

I take the 40 card pack. TAH TAH TAH TAH, I shuffle,

I put the cards here. PAH PAH, I cut.

- I cut not to cheat. - That's right. Good.

Three cards for you, three cards for me.

On the table there are the seven of coins, the ace of coins, and the eight of swords.

You have the eight of batons, what will you capture?

- The seven of coins and the ace of coins. - Bravo!

Then you haven't understood anything, and you said you had!

I said if there's an eight on the table,

you cannot capture the seven and the ace! You must capture the eight!

But why?

Because it's a rule! It's the rule of the game, you just can't do it!

- Mario, let's go. - Not even the game of "Scopa".

I know. Good-bye, maestro. Thanks. Let's go.

Good-bye, maestro. However, Mamma mia d'o Carmine!

Seven and one, eight. Nine, eight...

(In Spanish) May the husband and wife be happy for many years!

(In Spanish) Miss, please take these glasses to those two gentlemen there.

(In Spanish) Gentlemen, this is for a toast to the married couple.

- Thanks, and may your kids be 'machos'! - Thanks!

That Fred, why doesn't he tell me America's beautiful and great?

Because she was really in his power. One day I told him: "Fred, come here".

- Who's Fred? - Alfredo, my sister's boyfriend, that jerk.

I said "Fred" because... I mean, is it clear?

One day... He'd really hypnotized her,

she'd lost her mind. She was like a walking ghost.

One day I went out and met them...

Or rather! One day, before going out, I told her...

"Gabriellina, I'll be back late tonight". You know what she answered me?

- "Okay!" - Really?

"Okay!" To me!

- He'd really hypnotized her. - That gave me the chills!

Starting that day, anything I said she always answered "okay".

I tried to avoid it, but sometimes some questions escaped me.

If I saw her sad, I asked if she felt bad and she said: "okay!"

Madonna bona! All the time!

Mario, don't panic! The girl who shot the arrow and then fainted is here.

Let's pretend to be Spanish, put your hat on.

(In Spanish) Hello.

- (Faking Spanish): 'Pinzimonios'? - No.

He's 'squeamishos', he doesn't like anything.

Are you Spanish?

Of course, both of us. We're pure 'Spanishos'.

- From where? - I'm from Madrid. 'Nativos',

because I travel a lot.

And you?

She's asking where you're 'fromos'. I said Madrid.

- Same 'placeos'. - 'Placeos'?

You don't know 'Placeos'? It's a very small village near...

It's difficult to find it in a map, it's in the province of 'Granadas'.

- Very small. - Small, there's just a house.

Ah!

How are things in 'Placeos'?

- You're really stupid! - How are things in 'Placeos'?

All's well. As we say...

'Olè!'

(In Spanish) How long have you travelled around Spain?

- Well, in Madrid we 'sayos'... - No.

(In Spanish) How long have you travelled around Spain?

Oh, sorry I got it 'wrongos'.

Goddam it, this time I haven't understood 'anythingos'.

Miss, we're Italian. Both of us. Then you fainted...

If you have something against us say it, because at least we can...

Not anymore, by now the ships have sailed.

Oh well...

Better so, the ships have sailed!

- What does it mean? - I don't know.

Maybe it's a Spanish proverb, as if to say: "Let's put an end to it".

However I'm happy to have found you again the day after.

- Another proverb, perhaps. - All proverbs!

- Excuse me, the day after what? - The day after the departure of Columbus.

- The departure of who? - Columbus!

The departure of Columbus! She knew!

- Why, Columbus has left? - Yes.

- From here, from Palos? - Yes.

Christopher Columbus?

- The Italian from Genoa? - Yes.

And he's left on three ships:

- 'Niña', 'Pinta' and 'Saint Maria'? - Yes.

Profiting by the winds that blow towards the west?

I don't know that.

Then don't speak! She says he's left.

I know, you're ignorant on the matter. No offence meant, but

I know that, I'm a school teacher, aren't I?

- He's a teacher. - It's my subject too,

it's my favourite subject. I test my students every day about that.

"Giachetti, who's Christopher Columbus?" "Teacher,

"Christopher Columbus left from Palos on September 6th or on August 3rd 1492."

Today is July 7th.

"He arrived in St. Salvador on October 12th 1492." "Bravo,

you failed". I'll fail him because I've never liked him.

I knew I'd fail him from the very start. He knows...

He's never really liked him.

- He's decided to fail him, and he will. - I'll fail him!

But how could Columbus leave? It's two months earlier.

One can be mistaken by a day or two, not by two months.

He's got an education, he's not an imbecile.

And then, did you hear it on the radio that Columbus left?

- How do you know? - Because the other soldiers and I

had to prevent all the foreigners from crossing the Spanish border

till the departure of the Italian, and now he's gone.

Then you shot us because... Then you fainted

- and that's why we could pass? - Yes.

- And Christopher Columbus left. - Yes.

Excuse me, I'm going to ask something to the "hostess".

Where are you going?

Excuse me Miss. I'd like to know...

Christopher Columbus left, alright.

But he left as if to say...

- He left. - Yes, but as if to say "I'm leaving"?

And he didn't say anything else?

Maybe he told his wife: "Maria, I'm going out"?

- He left. - Didn't he say:

- "I'll be back in two or three days"? - He left.

- He really left. Excuse me. - Miss, since you're sober...

Christopher Columbus had to leave from here, from Palos, in August or in September.

We're in July now and they say he's already gone. Is it true? Don't lie.

- Columbus left? - (In Spanish) He left yesterday.

You made me come here in July, you said he'd leave in September!

- Today is July 7th? - Yes, July 7th.

- He left on July 6th. - And now what?

I'd punch your head ten times for the journey you've forced me to take!

- I don't think he left. - I'm going to ask her.

Miss, listen to me.

Christopher Columbus...

- left on his ships? - Yes, he left.

Are you sure he didn't say "I'm going out"? Saverio, wait!

Come on, Mario. Maybe we're still in time.

- Saverio, wait a moment. - Run faster!

It's useless, he left yesterday!

Where are you going?

Christopher Columbus! Christopher Columbus!

Columbus!

Columbus!

- Maybe he left! - He's not there, Saverio.

- Columbus! - But are you crazy?

- He's no longer there. - Let go of me.

- Saverio! - Columbus,

- can't you get back for a second? - He's not there!

Columbus! Columbus!

Why did you turn around? He's not Marco Polo! That way!

- He's no longer there. He's gone. - He's gone!

Now we must go back to Italy.

Let's cut across his path, we'll be ahead of him.

You want to cut across the sea?

- Let's go, Saverio. - Columbus Christopher!

He's gone, he's no longer there. It's useless for you to act crazy.

Damn you! Why leave in such a hurry?

America would have been discovered all the same.

- You made me come so far! - Now what should I tell my sister?

- Why? You wanted Columbus to relieve her? - No, Mario.

Mario... I have to tell him.

- You can punch my head ten times now. - Why?

- Punch my head ten times! - Saverio, stop it!

I wanted to punch your head before. Now I don't, you're already suffering enough!

- Punch my head ten times! - Are you crazy?

Punch my head, Mario!

It's already hard enough for us to be in 1400, and you also act crazy?

Fred, my sister's girlfriend, is American.

He worked for the NATO in Pisa. If I had stopped Columbus...

...that imbecile wouldn't have been born and my sister would have been well.

And we travelled so far for that?

- Then I'll punch your head! - Yes. Harder.

But what the hell!

You risked to die to come to Spain! Are you crazy?

All for your sister!

- I'd punch you in the head! - Do it!

No, I can't see you like that.

If we ever get back, because here it'is really bad, bad, bad...

...I'll marry Gabriellina! Yes, I'll marry her.

- You'll marry her? - If we get back there.

- Then you've always liked her. - No, I've never liked her,

but if by chance we get back there and I feel well, I'll marry her.

My sister married!

- Swear you'll marry her. - It was so to speak!

- Swear it. You have to say: "I swear". - I swear.

- But only if we should get back. - Alright.

I'd even accept to marry Gabriellina, just to get back.

- Is it clear? - Alright.

If we ever get back... But stop acting crazy.

A train!

- I won't marry Gabriellina! - Yes you will!

No, I won't!

Stop!

Hey, stop!

What did I tell you? We're going home!

Engineers!

Train!

That cannot be!

Why?

No!

Don't worry: 33, 33 and 33!

# English subtitles: lyliakar # specifically made for vigokrell