Original subtitles

♫ Worlds away from anyone

♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun

♫ Worlds away from anyone

♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun

♫ There was just enough to get them far away

- [Lockie Voiceover] Every year around birthday time

there's a day that starts out seriously weird.

Unfortunately, it doesn't look like this.

Looks more like this.

- [Phillip] Mom, can you please just take the photo.

I'm getting lockjaw here.

- It is possible you could undermine the air

of casual naturalism you're aiming for, Joy.

- Yes, all right, okay, good.

- [Lockie Voiceover] Before every birthday,

Mum mails a letter and photos of us to Nan and Pop.

She's careful to give them the right amount of information

just in case they want more

and come looking for it in person.

- [Nan] Lockie's birthday's coming up soon.

- Which one is he again?

- The taller one, I think.

- That baby's still crawling.

This is 18 months old.

- It isn't natural.

- Perhaps we should pay them another visit?

- Whatever for?

We know what we look like in a photo.

- Yes.

- [Lockie] Here's the question,

how much information is too much information?

That's too much information.

- And Pops is keeping us up to date

with his sporting activities, right, Joy?

- Right.

- Nice tee shirt.

- [Lockie Voiceover] Too much information is all the stuff

you'd really rather not know about.

Like...

- I've got 17 pimples on my backside.

And if you join the bumps with a crayon

they spell hot pants.

- Joy, I think it's time we kiss passionately

in front of the children.

- So it is.

- [Lockie Voiceover] That's the concept

of too much information for you.

But, at the same time, is there such a thing

as not enough information?

It seemed Vicki thought so.

- [Vicki] Dear Lockie, heaps of stuff's happened

since I last wrote to you,

but if you really want to know all about it,

you'll need to check out my HeadSpace page on the internet.

- [Lockie Voiceover] It was the fifth letter from Vicki

since she went away to boarding school.

Every one of them talked about how great the internet is,

and how I was missing out 'cause I wasn't on it.

I think she was trying to tell me something.

- My birthday wish list.

- Look, I'm not sure we need a computer

in this house, Lockie.

- What would we use it for?

- We could use it to help with schoolwork,

send emails, maybe get ourselves a HeadSpace page.

- What's a HeadSpace page?

- I don't know, but I want one.

Everyone else is zooming along

on the information superhighway,

and we're being left behind.

- Look, the thing about computers, Lockie,

I'm not sure I completely trust them.

- It is a bit like inviting the rest of the world

into the house.

- What's wrong with that?

- Well, where would they all sleep?

(laughing)

- Wire strippers. - Wire strippers.

- Soldering iron. - Soldering iron.

- Cordial. - Cordial.

(lively music)

- Looking good. - Oh, yes.

- I'm going in.

- Ms. Archer came to my place last night for dinner.

- The teacher came to your house?

- With a Pavlova.

- Pavlova?

This is serious.

- I knew something was wrong

as soon as Dad put on the apron.

- Pavlova, great!

- Yes, Pavlova.

- Whoa. - Whoops!

(laughing)

- Excellent, you brought your recorder.

Please, come in.

- Hello, Geoffrey.

- Good afternoon, Ms. Archer.

- I know I'm your teacher, but when we're out of school,

I'd love it if you'd call me Leoni.

- [Geoffrey] She wanted me to call her Leoni.

- You can't speak to her like she's a person.

She's a teacher. - I know!

So what did you call her?

- Nothing, there's no way she's getting a Leoni out of me.

- Was the Pavlova good?

- Ask somebody who ate it.

- Your, um, your clothes are excellent.

- Thank you, I like your vest.

(laughing)

- I've got a whole range of vests, actually.

One of them is made out of recycled plastic bags.

- [Leoni] I'd like to see that.

- Mum made that vest.

- Pardon?

- Mum, you remember her?

About this tall, dark hair, good at welding?

- I believe she's in Scandinavia now.

- Yeah, Mum won the Gertrude Stein Fellowship

at the University of Stockholm.

They've asked her to be a professor.

- Who has?

- The university head boss dude.

He says she's the best heavy metal sculptor in Norway.

- Stockholm's in Sweden.

- Yeah, yeah, she's big there, too.

(recorder music)

(rock music)

- [Lockie Voiceover] The sound of Rev jamming

with the teacher was way too much information for Egg.

(recorder music)

- Oh, yeah.

(laughing)

- Ready?

Ta-da!

- Happy birthday, Lockie.

- [Phillip] It's a day early.

- Is it all right if I'm still wondering what it is?

- It's a computer.

- Is it pedal-powered?

- [Marjorie] No, that's just to keep fit

while you're using it.

- That was Marjorie's idea.

- Can we keep it?

- These are the computer rules.

One.

- The computer stays in the lounge room.

- Where we can see it.

- Unless you're outside.

- Cor...

Two.

- A maximum of 30 minutes computer time per child per day.

- (scoffing) 30 minutes?

- [Sarge] We thought we'd err on the side of generosity.

Three.

- You must tell us which home webs you're dialling up.

- Websites. - Yes, those, as well.

- That is all.

- [Lockie Voiceover] So, Phillip and Marjorie dragged

the Leonard family onto the information superhighway.

- Nice.

- [Lockie Voiceover] Sure, we may not have been

in the fastest lane on the highway,

but at least it meant I could finally

share more information with Vicki.

- Hi to all my HeadSpace friends.

I thought you'd all like to know that the other day

I had a seriously evil math test, two hours,

300 questions, and I got a B.

(electricity sparking)

This is the dress that I wore to the Redmont College ball.

Isn't it cool?

(electricity sparking)

I came first in the Bonsai Paper Mache competition,

which is weird because my artistic talent is microscopic.

Now you've seen my life, where's yours?

- It's here, in Angelus.

- But when are you gonna build yourself

a HeadSpace page and show me?

- Cupcake, Lockie? - Are you real?

- Of course I am.

- [Lockie] Thanks.

- Thanks, Marj, love your work.

- One is he again? - The older one.

- [Phillip] No, that can't be Nan and Pop.

- Oh, no, they've got knapsacks.

- How long do you think they're planning on staying, Joy?

- They didn't even tell me they were coming.

It's not right!

- I know it's not, but they are your parents.

Boys, prepare to be artificially welcoming.

- We've hauled 30 kilometres in two days.

- [Joy] Why, for Heaven's sake?

- A charity walk for people with plastic hips.

- Oh, so how long do you think you'll stay?

- Oh, a couple of days rest before moving on.

- Could you turn that off, Dad?

- Do you have any lemonade?

- Here you are.

And while you're at it, have one of my cupcakes.

My secret recipe.

- Nan, Pop, meet my best friend--

- Marjorie?

- [Lockie Voiceover] This was old information for Nan.

She knew exactly who Marjorie was.

- Phillip with his friend, Marjorie,

and the De Havilland Mosquito fighter bomber Mk VI,

which they built together.

I don't believe it.

- Nor me, either.

After the Mk V, De Havilland ceased production of the bomber

and concentrated on the Night Fighter.

Everybody knows that.

- Pop, pack the knapsacks, we are going to Angelus.

(lawn mower whirring)

- Dad's not home.

- I came to see you, Geoffrey.

- What for?

- I think we need to talk.

- [Geoffrey] Okay.

- Do you know how to turn off the mower?

- Yeah.

- Would you please turn it off?

(lawn mower quiets)

Well, that's a bit better.

I'm sorry to interrupt you.

- Yep.

- Just a thought, since you didn't eat

any Pavlova last night,

I thought you'd might like to try something else.

Cheesecake.

- It's a bit early for me.

- The thing is, I like your dad, quite a lot, actually.

- Well, better get back to the mowing.

- I know you miss your mum, and I don't want to,

(lawn mower sputtering)

you know, replace her.

I just...

(lawn mower sputtering)

Anyway, I'm pleased we had this chat.

I'll just leave this here.

(lawn mower sputtering)

- I don't know what to say.

- Just explain what you're doing to make sure the child

reaches her milestones.

- Milestones?

- Do I have to spell it out?

Walking, Joy.

Our family are all great walkers.

This one's letting the side down.

- No, she's just taking her time.

- How much more can she possibly need?

- Can you turn that thing off, please.

(camera beeping)

- I thought you'd like to document the child's progress

in audiovisual form.

- Excuse me, just for a second.

- See what I found beside Phillip's bed?

Evidence.

- Huh, age is just a state of mind.

I've never heard anything more absurd.

- Look at the signature.

It's from her.

- Yours scientifically, Marjorie.

(laughing)

You're not going to turn this into a competition,

are you, Nan?

- Competition? (scoffing)

I wouldn't even consider something so undignified.

(dramatic music)

Cupcake, darling?

- No, thanks, Nan, maybe later.

- Why not have one now?

- Well, I'm a bit full.

But they do look delicious.

- They are, it's the extra bran.

So you won't need to get your cupcakes anywhere else now,

will you? - No, I guess not.

- Good boy.

- [Lockie Voiceover] Nan trying to be friends with Phillip?

Way too much information for him.

- [Joy] Lockie?

(knocking at door)

Lockie?

- What are you doing?

- Oh, you know, hanging out with the washing machine.

What are you doing?

It's a beautiful day, you should go to the beach.

Blob and I can come with you, straight away if you'd like.

- I would, but I have to collect information

for my HeadSpace page.

- What kind of information?

- Anything going, but I need a video camera.

- Hmm, I think I can organise one of those.

- This is Angelus Beach, I come here a lot.

And this is my board, and my wax.

- Is that all you're going to say?

- What else should I say?

- I don't know, man, it's your life.

- This is Egg, he's my best friend.

Say hello, Egg.

- Lockie, Vicki knows this stuff already.

- [Lockie Voiceover] Egg had a point.

Vicki knew just about everything about me already.

I had to find some new information, but what?

This is the grass at the front of my house.

It's probably a bit longer since you last saw it.

Good, eh?

This is the tee shirt I wore last weekend.

I still haven't put it in the wash.

Hmm, I should do that.

This is some of what we're having for dinner, broccoli.

Interesting.

- Hey, that's my camera!

(knocking at door) (rock music)

- Geoffrey, this cheesecake is spectacular.

Do you want some?

- No, it would be a betrayal.

- A betrayal?

Of whom? - Mum.

(rock music)

- Why?

- I don't want you to hang out with Ms. Archer anymore.

She's a space invader.

- I don't understand.

- It's like she sees a space, and she invades it.

And she's not allowed to.

This is Mum's space, not hers.

- But don't you want me to be happy?

- [Lockie Voiceover] In this moment,

Egg knew he couldn't stop his dad

from hanging out with Ms. Archer.

- Whatever you want, Dad.

- Mr. Eggleston, is there anything you'd like to share?

- It wasn't me. - No?

- When it was you who unlawfully imprisoned

Ms. Archer in her classroom only a week ago?

- Yeah, but I--

- I don't want your excuses!

I want a confession!

- [Lockie Voiceover] But Egg had nothing to confess.

Technically, it was the fire drill's fault.

(fire alarm ringing)

- Mr. Squasher, I'm sure Geoffrey wasn't involved in this.

- [Lockie Voiceover] This was worse than the cheesecake.

Ms. Archer standing up for Egg?

It felt like an even bigger space invasion.

- Come on, then, let's hear it.

- [Lockie Voiceover] And if Egg couldn't stop his dad

from hanging out with Ms. Archer,

he figured this was the next best thing.

- I did it.

And I'll do it again tomorrow.

- [Lockie Voiceover] Even if it meant

using false information.

(crunching)

- Marjorie, this is seriously good French toast.

- I changed the egg, milk ratio, as you suggested.

(door opening)

- I knew it.

- Hi, Nan.

- I thought you said you wouldn't get your cupcakes

from anyone else?

- This is French toast.

- I'll bet it is.

So, now you've got yourself a new Nan,

I suppose you don't want the old one cramping your style.

- Sorry?

- Well sometimes sorry just isn't enough.

- I don't quite understand.

- It's okay, Marj, I'll deal with this.

- So, now it's Marj, is it?

- Wait, Nan, it's not what you think.

- Don't take me for a fool, Lockie.

- Phillip.

- That's what I said.

- It's just French toast, it doesn't mean anything.

- It may be just French toast to you,

but to me it's bread soaked in treachery.

(door slamming)

- Don't worry, Phillip, she needs to be on her own.

- [Lockie Voiceover] Nan and Pop were in our beds,

so Phillip and I got the lounge room.

Normally that would be a serious pain,

but tonight I was glad to be near the computer,

'cause I really needed to know if Vicki

was still talking to me after all that boring stuff

I put on my HeadSpace page.

I just had to wait for midnight to roll around

so I could use my next half hour of computer time.

(electricity sparking)

- [Vicki] Hey, Lockie, I loved the stuff

on your HeadSpace page.

- You liked that stuff, really?

- Yeah, amazing.

I had broccoli for dinner, too.

And the grass at the front of your house?

Wow, it must have grown at least seven millimetres

since I last saw it.

So when are you gonna put some more stuff up?

(electricity sparking)

- [Lockie Voiceover] I couldn't decide what was weirder,

Vicki not hating the information I put on my HeadSpace page,

or her wanting more.

- [Joy] Happy birthday, Lockie.

- [All] Happy birthday, Lockie!

- Thanks.

(playful music)

(paper rustling)

- Good in all weather, those.

A friend for life.

- My favourite colour, how did you know?

- From your mother and I.

- A camera.

Thanks Mum, thanks Dad.

- What a good idea.

- It's second-hand, but the bloke in the shop

reckons it's the best you can get.

- Three years ago.

- It's all charged up and ready to go.

- So now there's no excuse for you not putting information

on your Space Head interpage.

- [Lockie] This is Mum and Phillip walking to school.

This is the bus stop where I sometimes catch the bus

to the shops instead of riding my bike.

- Lockie, can I ask you something?

Do you really think that Vicki, and the world,

for that matter, would find this information useful?

I mean, surely you and Vicki don't discuss these

kind of--

- Boring, mundane--

- Trivial things in person?

- [Lockie Voiceover] Suddenly, I realised Mum was right.

- Mum, maybe half an hour internet time per day

is a bit too generous after all.

- [Lockie Voiceover] This was the first time

I'd ever worked out something before Vicki did.

After school it was my birthday picnic,

and everyone was invited.

But, according to Nan, not everyone was welcome.

(dramatic music)

- This is a family only event.

- What about Egg? - Egg?

- I've had quite enough of you and your food.

- Maybe you and I should go for a walk.

- A walk?

- Will they be okay alone?

- They're okay.

This is something they need to work out by themselves.

(dramatic music)

- Nice cold drink, darling?

Marjorie says I should be seeing more of my grandchildren,

not just sending letters and photos.

- Sure, Nan, but only if you really feel that you have to.

- Oh, yes, of course!

(Blob cooing)

- Look!

♫ Make it last, make it last

♫ You, me together

♫ Make it last, make it last

♫ Now, forever

- [Lockie Voiceover] Trust Blob to upstage me

at my own birthday party.

♫ Two seconds, I reckon

♫ We'll have a blast

- Maybe you should put that on your HeadSpace page.

- [Lockie Voiceover] I thought about it, but in the end,

there are some things which belong in the moment,

and not on the internet.

And those, they're the coolest,

most important bits of information of all.

("Make it Last" by Kate Miller Heidke)

(Blob giggling)

(upbeat music)

♫ Boy is breaking underneath the weight of strain

♫ Worlds away from anyone

♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun

♫ Worlds away from anyone

♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun

♫ There was just enough to get them far away