Original subtitles

♫ Worlds away from anyone

♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun

♫ Worlds away from anyone

♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun

♫ It was just enough to keep them far away

- [Lockie] My little brother was on a mission

to sort out my love life.

(camera shutter clicking)

I didn't ask him to do this.

He just butted right in.

(camera shutter clicking)

- Dot, remember me?

Phillip Leonard, Lockie's brother?

Got a minute?

I'd like to talk to you about you and Lockie.

- [Lockie] Technically, Dot and I weren't anything, yet.

But Phillip thought we needed to kick off.

- Can we get ice cream, not cream on those ice chocolates?

Thank you.

I'll be sitting at my usual table.

Take a seat, Dot.

(camera flash pops)

- [Lockie] It all started the last day

of the Easter holidays.

I'd wanted to spend it at the beach.

Mum had other ideas.

- Not a hair out of place.

- [Lockie] Family photo time in the shopping centre.

That's when we paid some professional

to take a poxy photo of us standing against

some crazy background of a desert

which none of us had ever been to.

(camera shutter clicking)

Seemed like everyone else in Angelus had the same idea.

We were on our best behaviour, for Mum's sake.

Phillip didn't last five minutes in that queue.

While we stood in line,

he went off looking for something to do.

- So, the question on everyone's lips.

Lockie.

Do you like him?

- He's a little...

- Weird?

- Yeah.

He gave me this T-shirt, and then nothing.

I haven't seen him since.

- Lockie's way of saying he really likes you.

- I've never had a boyfriend before.

- That's okay.

Lockie's never had a girlfriend

that lasted longer than a day.

So, how do you feel about kissing him?

- I've never really kissed anyone.

Maybe.

- Maybe yes, or maybe no?

- Maybe yes.

- Excellent.

- [Lockie] Meanwhile, things were going from bad to worse.

- Lockie, come here!

Oh, you've got Vegemite all over your face!

(muffled protesting)

- [Lockie Voiceover] Why does my mother's spit

always taste of fish paste?

Please!

There are people watching!

- Who was that, dear?

- Dot Cookson, Lockie's girlfriend.

- Phillip!

She's not my girlfriend.

- You gave her a T-shirt!

That screams girlfriend to me, in capital letters.

- Oh, Lockie, you should've told us you had a girlfriend!

- I don't!

I mean, she's not.

She's just a girl who happens to be my friend.

- You can tell her that tomorrow when you're made up.

- Hey?

- Five o'clock, at the wind farm.

- What's happening at the wind farm?

- Lockie's kissing Dot.

- [Telephone Chain] Lockie's kissing Dot!

- [Lockie] There was nothing I could do.

The word was out, and once it was,

it spread like wildfire.

- Attention, attention!

Lockie's kissing Dot!

Attention, attention, Lockie's kissing Dot!

- Lockie's kissing Dot!

Lockie's kissing Dot!

- Tomorrow.

Five o'clock.

- On the dot.

- Citizens of Angelus, Lockie's kissing Dot!

(camera flash pops)

- My children are all growing up!

Family hug!

Now!

(camera shutter clicks)

- [Lockie] If this is what happens when you grow up,

I'd rather eat dead fish.

(camera flash pops)

- [Egg] This is even worse than we thought.

The river's dying.

- [Lockie] I know how it feels.

- We could've stepped this up.

Made more people notice what's happening.

Organise a protest or something.

- I could hide!

I could find a big, dark cave

and stay there 'til it all blows over.

- Why would the idea of kissing a girl

make you want to hide in a cave?

- Kissing a girl in front of 40 billion people.

- Wow, there's been a sudden

population explosion in Angelus.

Okay, so you're freaked out because

you're kissing her in public.

- 40 billion people gawking on.

Yeah, wouldn't you?

- I'd put up with it.

Maybe you need to find a different place?

Somewhere quiet. Private.

- What's that?

C'mon.

Some kind of rusty tunnelly-pipey looking thing.

Oh, gross!

- Mega gross.

- Looks like somebody might be

dumping toxic crap down this pipe.

- Wait for me!

- Wow.

- [Egg] What is it?

Wow.

Where are we going?

- I'm going to have a word with the factory boss.

- Good idea!

What are you gonna say?

- That we have concerns.

Environmental concerns.

Concerning the factory, and its toxic grime.

- Can I help you, boys?

- We have concerns.

- [Factory Employee] Do you, now?

- Well, we'd like to talk to your boss.

- Say, aren't you the kid that's gonna kiss Dot?

Lockie's. - Kissing.

- [Vicki] Dot.

- Please, this is really important.

- Oh, clear off, Romeo, before I call the cops.

C'mon, beat it, boys.

- And the pipe leads all the way

from the river to the factory.

- Mm-hmm.

- Bet it's illegal.

We have to shut it down or something.

Mum, Egg and I were thinking.

We could organise a public meeting here, next week!

- That's nice, dear.

- Fish are dying, Mum,

and all you can say is "Nice"?

- Maybe we could have a roast.

- For the rally? Yeah!

I hadn't thought about food!

- Rally? What rally? (laughs)

I was talking about Sunday lunch.

You could ask your girlfriend over!

What's her name, Dot?

Sarge and I would love to have her.

(wistful sighing)

13 years old.

It seems like only yesterday you were born.

(weeping)

- [Lockie Voiceover] Who said being 13 was so cool?

I remember that being three was pretty top-notch.

Lots of food, no school to worry about.

And no female issues.

(camera flash pops)

(Lockie wailing)

- Big family hug!

Now.

- [Lockie Voiceover] Then, just when I thought

it was safe to go into the water...

Dot! What are you doing here?

Here was my chance.

Kiss her now, get it over with!

- So.

- So, back to school tomorrow!

Bummer, eh?

- Yeah.

- It's not so bad as far as schools go.

Actually, it's a shocker.

Wait 'til you meet Old Squasher.

He's our math teacher, worst of the bunch

as far as teachers go.

I hope your algebra's up to scratch.

- Alge-what?

- Bra. As in, equations?

- Equations?

Isn't that all high school stuff?

- [Lockie Voiceover] Cue music that sums up

horrible sinking feeling in tummy.

Remind me.

You've been going to Angelus High,

right?

- Angelus Primary.

- As in, primary primary.

As in the place you go before high school.

Sorry, you would be how old, exactly?

- I'll be 12 in August.

(camera flash pops)

- [Telephone Chain] Dot's only 11!

Dot's only 11!

- If L

equals 13 multiplied by 365...

- Dot's only 11!

- And D

equals 11

multiplied by 365...

- Attention!

Dot is only 11!

- What is the age difference between L and D in days?

- [All] 720 days!

- Uh, I gotta go.

See you at the wind farm tomorrow.

- [Lockie Voiceover] No! She's only 11?

How is that possible?

(crickets chirping)

- [Phillip] So what if there's a bit of an age gap?

- I'm not kissing a primary school kid!

This is all your fault.

- It doesn't affect my relationship with Lisa.

- You haven't got a relationship with Lisa.

- 10 years down the track,

you'll be 22, Dot'll be 20.

No big deal there.

- I'm not going to still be going out with Dot when I'm 22!

- You're thinking of dropping her already?

You haven't even kissed her yet!

- And I'm not going to!

You shouldn't have told the whole planet that I was!

- When you gave Dot the T-shirt,

you just did it 'cause you thought

she needed some new clothes.

- No!

Okay, I admit.

I like her.

- So you've gotta kiss her!

- Says who?

- I don't make the rules!

- Everyone will know me as Lockie Leonard, Cradle Snatcher.

Hanging out with a primary school kid, 720 days younger.

- Back out now, and you'll be known

as something I hate worse.

- [Lockie] High school.

It was good for two things.

One, it lacked primary schoolers,

which meant from the hours of 9 to 3:15,

I was free from having to deal with the Dot factor.

And two, admin had a killer photocopy machine.

(tense music)

Saving the environment was a great way

to forget about all my problems.

Not that they were going away.

Phillip had seen to that.

(Egg whistling)

(alarm trilling)

- Watch out!

- Sorry.

- Throwing a protest meeting?

- Yeah.

- Next week.

- Save our river.

- Good luck.

Shouldn't you be on your way to the wind farm?

- [Lockie Voiceover] By 3:30,

my tummy started to feel as though

it had drunk the entire Indian Ocean,

jelly blubbers included.

Thing is, part of me didn't mind

the idea of kissing Dot.

But there was another part of me

that would rather eat Blob's nappies for dinner.

I don't know how you can both really want something

and really not want it at the same time.

- Now, the world record for the longest pash

is 30 hours, 59 minutes and 27 seconds.

So, do you plan on breaking that?

I need to know so I can get some more videotapes.

- Phillip had planned to film my misery.

- Hey, loverboy!

(bullies laughing)

- Well?

- I've gotta go.

- What? You can't!

- Egg and I have got to save the environment.

- Now.

- So, loverboy's chickened out!

(bullies laughing)

- [Lockie Voiceover] Boof was right.

But if it's any consolation, the river was worth saving.

- Save our river.

Save our river.

- Save our river!

Save our river.

- I can't believe you piked.

- Dot probably won't even turn up, anyway.

- There's nothing worse than a no-show.

You'll be lower than a shark's bum

if you don't at least front up.

- Save our river!

- [Egg] Save our river!

Come to the public meeting!

- Yeah!

Good idea, boys.

'Bout time we did something about

that sorry excuse for a waterway.

- So you'll come to the meeting, then?

- Absolutely!

You can count on me to front up.

- Nice to see some people around here have principles.

- What time is it?

- 4:30.

- You think we've still got enough time

for me to get to the wind farm?

- If we take my bike, and you're lucky.

(martial drum music)

- Cookson!

Glad you could make it!

- Where's Lockie?

- Uh, he had some important stuff to do.

But he'll be with us shortly!

Mind if I film you?

- Okay, I guess.

(deeply exhaling)

- No, no, no!

Stay in tide on me, then pull back,

take in the locale, then zoom in on the talent.

Got it?

And roll tape!

We're here today to mark a very special moment.

The first kiss of two of Angelus's hottest grommets,

Lockie and Dot.

So, are you planning on breaking

the world record today, Dot?

- Hey, Lockie's no chicken-guts.

We're just heading to the wind farm now.

- Yeah, and of course I know how to kiss!

Why? You want one?

- I wouldn't, Lockie.

Wouldn't believe where those lips have been.

Boof kisses mullet.

- I do not!

- Saw you down at Joe's boat shed.

You stole a mullet from his net.

When you thought no one was looking,

you put it to your lips--

- Shut your trap, Eggleston, before I shut it for you!

- Suckface.

- Go, Egg!

That was beautiful stuff!

It was also going to get us killed.

But it was worth it, just to see the look on Boof's face.

- He's lying.

As if I'd kiss a fish!

Losers!

- I can't believe you didn't tell me that!

- I was saving it up.

C'mon, let's get you to the wind farm.

- Hang on, I'll just get those pamphlets.

I can't feel them.

My arm's not long enough.

- Don't worry.

We can print some more up.

- I can just get my head in, then I'll be out.

- Come on, we're gonna be late.

- I'm stuck!

- Hang on, Lockie!

What if I pull your legs?

- I'm stuck!

You're gonna rip my head off!

- What do we do?

- I don't know!

Call someone!

The ambulance, the air force, the army, Sarge!

Anyone!

But Egg had a better idea.

Surprisingly, this wasn't as bad as it looks.

- Lockie, you around there, mate?

(muffled groaning)

- [Lockie Voiceover] There was a strawberry shake

I got to lick down there.

And best of all, I didn't have to do anything.

Or say anything.

Or kiss anything!

Kind of like a place I'd been a long time ago.

- We're gonna call him Lockie.

Now.

(camera flash pops)

- I can stand in for Lockie if you'd like.

I'm quite experienced.

- I can angle-grind the side of the bin.

(angle grinder whirring)

- Wouldn't that be risky?

- I can try and drill the pop rivets out.

(drill whining)

- That's my boy in there!

I would like to get him out alive.

Isn't there something you can do

that would not involve taking such risks?

- Life is a risk!

- Just give me five minutes alone with him.

Dot Cookson, wind farm, why the no-show?

- I was going to turn up.

But I got this thing stuck on my head, didn't I?

- Well, do you like her?

- I don't really know her.

She's in primary school.

- I said, do you like her?

- Yeah, she's hot.

- Well, then, what's all the fuss about?

- I've got my head stuck in this.

- Oh, your head's definitely been stuck somewhere,

I should think.

Come on, Lockie, out with it.

- What happens after...

- Yes?

- After...

- Come on, Lockie, you can do it.

- After I...

- Kiss her?

- Yeah, what do you do then?

- Oh, Lockie.

- I don't know what I'm supposed to do!

- None of us do, love.

We just try and do our best,

and be as honest as we can with ourselves

and with each other.

- [Lockie Voiceover] And I realised,

I couldn't stay here forever.

I had places to be.

Things to do.

And besides, I'd finished the thick shake.

Mum?

- Yes, Lockie?

- I think I'm ready to come out now.

In the end, we didn't need angle grinders

or drills to get me out.

- Pull harder, Mrs. Leonard!

(Mum squealing)

- [Lockie Voiceover] Mum had this idea of slathering me

in dishwashing detergent.

Apparently it's how you get a ring off,

if it's stuck on your finger.

(strained grunting)

And I slipped out of the bin like a cork out of a bottle.

And Mum got to experience me being born all over again!

- My baby!

- [Lockie Voiceover] It was good to be out,

even if life was more complicated.

(serene music)

Eventually, the crowds got sick of waiting

for the Lockie and Dot Show,

and went home to watch their telly instead.

Yep, Lockie Leonard was a no-show.

The lowest of the lows.

(light piano music)

I was always going to bump into Dot sooner or later.

Angelus is a small town.

Following her from her house also helped.

Yep, tracking her down was the easy bit.

It was how I was going to make up

for my no-show at the wind farm.

Dot was cool.

How many girls do you know go hunting through the library

for ancient copies of Surfing World?

Dot, hi.

Once again, something weird happened.

My tongue went all numb,

and I'd forgotten how to speak.

- You're even weirder than your brother.

- [Lockie Voiceover] Things hadn't got off

to a very good start.

Sorry for yesterday.

I should've been there, and I wasn't.

And, you know.

Sorry.

- Whatever.

- Well, I just wanted you to know.

Dot, wait.

It was now or never.

But I needed a romantic lead-in.

Something to set the mood.

Something smart that showed her I had a brain.

I'm sure Sarge in the same position

would have some killer poetry,

but right now, all I could think of

was The Man From Snowy River.

And somehow, that didn't feel so right.

Look! What's that over there?

(lips smacking)

Okay, so it wasn't a 30-hour pash-a-thon,

and technically, I hadn't even connected with her lips.

But you know what?

It didn't even matter.

(soft rock music)

(Dot giggling)

And now we'd kissed, we could get back

to the important things in life.

(waves crashing)

♫ Boy is breaking

♫ Underneath the weight of strain

♫ Worlds away from anyone

♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun

♫ Worlds away from anyone

♫ They were burning themselves out in the sun

♫ It was just enough to keep them far away